Crow and Fox (in a new way

How many times has the press written
What has become full of crooks,
But there are suckers anyway.
Crow is given an iPhone by progress.

Well, as it was given, of course not -
Tritely whistled from her pocket.
A passerby who's drunk
To the nearest toilet.

This gadget is firmly grasped by its beak.
Our "eagle" takes off on the spruce.
Look, and here dobred
A product for a mental task.

While the crow from above
Deciding what to do next
The fox is a famous master of falseness,
Weaving quietly through the bushes.

Deciding first - this is nonsense,
Our babe comes closer.
No, fox eyes did not lie -
In the crow's beak - a valuable jackpot.

Minute - the capture plan is ripening
In a shameless red head.
Scuffing his paw on the grass,
Chanterelle says: "Feathered friend ..."

Looks. Is it a male? No, not him.
"Girlfriend, dear friend,
Say what's up there you're holding tight
Is it a brand new iPhone?

The crow looks gloomy from above -
And thoughts climb about the fox.
All right, cheese or sausage,
But do not detect the iPhone, fool.

"Oh, the queen of socialites" -
The fox chattered -
"You are a mega superfood bird
And cooler than all the surrounding birds.

Singer, better than any Gaga.
Let's sing with you together"
But in response to banal flattery
The crow showed a fact.

Fox did not receive an answer,
And, after standing still for a minute,
Already pissed off in earnest -
A nervous breakdown is on the horizon.

The last plan is the fox, yawning,
Frozen. Mitten - open,
The stomach is visible - the purpose of gastritis.
The crow's beak could not stand it.

Looks exhausted by insomnia
Tired, poor bird brain.
And, having lost the inflated gloss,
She yawned. Delicious and crispy.

iPhone dropped. How else -
It's all gravity, Newton.
Fox grabbed an iPhone
And she ran away, hiding her joy.

The crow croaked. Now
At least you croak. Not scary.
And then a multi-storey mat.
This voice has been censored.

The moral of this fable in a couple of words,
So that everyone has something to learn from.
Why does an armless bird need an iPhone?
It's not worth the croaking of show-offs.

Fable Ant and Dragonfly in a new way

Dragonfly
Suffered bullshit all season
Marches through cinema halls,
Red eyes.

The nights are all fun
Until the morning mojito in the club -
Become a YouTube star
With a naked dance on the table.

Only crisis wave
Flew with renewed vigor
I lowered all the funds into the pipe -
All. Khan came to Lafay.

Breakfast is a miserable doshirak,
For lunch - about breakfast thoughts
Dinner - hands are already hanging
And it floats somehow.

Taking out a loan is the easiest step.
True, it won't help
Let the fool, but still
Not so much like this.

Cursing your life
Along with the crisis in Europe,
What slapped on her ass,
Jumped to Ant.

Tired Ant in the trash -
Turner of the fifth category,
Dragonfly glanced over
From under the shifted eyebrows.

"What the hell? Why rushed?"
She answered: "Oh, my life,
Not a spear left.
Lend me some money."

"Interesting things.
You see what topic -
I'll solve your problems
By lending you money?

No friend. Won't go.
Here the dragonflies are fucked up.
You get on the panel
The oldest of works.

Conclusion: laziness is the cause of evil.
Who didn't become a millionaire
Spend money knowing when to stop.
The ass will be intact.

Fable Quartet in a new way

A goat with a dark brown beard,
Once I decided to get into the beau monde.
Hungover visited by the muse,
Planned a whole front.

Yes, the plans were through the roof -
Well, right, Napoleon himself.
For the world to be amazed by hearing
His killer mouzon.

Pull such a thing, however,
Not enough strength alone.
Monkey - outwardly, like a monkey,
He invited for a start.

But two is also not enough.
After all, someone needs to sing.
Donkey like master of backing vocals
And special in terms of decibels.

Another bear - a thunderstorm of ballet,
From hibernation emaciated in the trash,
To complete the quartet
For a back dance on the ears.

"Guitar drive is on fire now
And we'll hit punk rock."
But something to play on the guitar
Unfortunately, none of them could.

The goat played, but only on nerves.
Donkey has long scored on everything.
Monkey is one of the first
The bear stepped on his ears.

"Donkey, not so, not those chords" -
The monkey yells, covered in saliva.
The bear threatens to fill everyone's faces,
In the end, entangled in a string.

As soon as the scream subsided a little,
The goat bleated, "The sound is ridiculous.
We should not be punk rock stars,
But we will rap."

The bear got some dope somewhere
(Nettle, burdock leaves)
And sketched on a smoke
Text like poetry.

Monkey, twitching clumsily,
Excitedly messed up the words,
The donkey sneered lispingly.
Grass popped up along the way.

"Maybe we'll play jazz?" -
Ikaya, offered the donkey.
"Chur, only I'm on the double bass."
In response, the monkey: "Rock and roll.

That's stunning and cool.
How Elvis will rock."
Donkey trying to put in a word
Even stronger began to hiccup.

Bear scratching his neck
"Let's beat the dance floor with drama.
We will be cool DJs.
MC bear, DJ donkey."

Monkey neigh, choking on snot:
"MC bear? Yes, full striving.
Yes, we are such things
And we won’t assemble the village club.”

Bear again: "I'll clean my snout."
The goat broke with a cry: "Stop."
Well, with a swoop, they closed their mouths.
Invented. Our business is pop.

After all, under the plywood together jump
It's not that hard on four.
Shake and booty relish move.
As they say, we will tear the hall.

Everyone nodded in unison in response.
All right. You crack right.
And all the surrounding fences
Covered with hundreds of posters.

We put on torn sheepskin coats.
Well, why not freaky outfit.
All that's left is the band's name.
Perhaps Dr. Aibolit?"

"No, it's too childish and not flashy.
We must shock everyone.
Let's Rhythm spinal cord?".
"No, volvulus is better."

"Back off, donkey." "Shut up, macaque."
"You bastard, go away."
The dispute smoothly turns into a fight -
You have to go to something.

Hit. Someone's jaw goes up.
It contains unchewed dirol.
A bear, aiming at a monkey's ear,
Hit ... In a donkey ... The donkey calmed down.

Knockout. Yes, it's not a bad hit.
Knows how to beat - almost Klitschko.
But then the monkey, jumping with force,
She swung her leg high.

So mean. In the groin. The bear is out.
Don't envy him.
And the monkey's eyes are in a bunch -
Now you will understand why.

Silence of all the birds flying by,
Like an overloaded eagle
With great speed and smoke
Dirol collapsed down with his jaw.

There are two fillings in the forehead, like horns.
Looks like dirol didn't help.
Monkey, standing a little,
Fell to the ground like a sack.

Well, what about a goat? Yes, here he is. Tuta.
A little trampled in haste,
But alive, because someone needs
For others, call a doctor.

The donkey is now a dentist's client,
Bear, according to the scales,
Began to weigh three hundred kilograms -
Weight in armored shorts.

The monkey laughs merrily
For three months in a row.
Life is fun in the mental hospital.
That's what the nurses say.

Well goat your ideas
Gives birth again, having gone into a binge
And demands, slightly sober,
Introduce the top layer into cultures.

And here morality is the ending of fables,
For people to draw conclusions.
And the conclusion here is very clear.
When you do not rummage how many notes,

Do not take concerts in Europe
Through guitar and piano.
Can not go to the toilet for the most part - don't hurt your ass.
Here is a short moral.

---
The selected text should be replaced with another word of similar meaning.

Krylov's fables in a new way

Added: 09/03/2012 19:38 [+0]

Alexander! The site is waiting for the promised video from you. The poems are not bad, but the obscenity somehow gives them a boost. I honestly forgot my last name. So, all my works, where there is the slightest hint of this, even veiled, they deleted. And after I invited to visit our site, gave a link, I was generally blacklisted. Yes, in fact, he didn’t impress me. The only plus that we need to adopt, and very quickly, is the ability to instantly attach video material to any text.

Odessit Added: 09/03/2012 22:12 [+0 ]

What video did I promise? I don't remember something. Poems (although these are fables, but it doesn’t matter) I was offered to post vasya_hrenov, which I did. * We need brothers, that's what, we need to start fighting for cleanliness. * - But what, is it really dirty here? I have everything stuck. but the fact that such rhymes were so boring in childhood, and we are not some kind of puritans to be baptized after each mat, if its use is appropriate and justified, why not, the main thing is not to overdo it.

about the fact that your work was deleted, I'm sure they didn't even read it.

vasya_hrenov Added: 09/03/2012 23:44 [+1]

Well, it's not permanent. Yes, sometimes you can. Bespristrast mentioned that he writes obscene poetry, I asked to post it.

Odessit Added: 09/04/2012 02:07 [+1 ]

I don't write at all, but I did write a long time ago. this is how, due to a misinterpretation, the reputation of a foul-mouthed person will be fixed for me))

vasya_hrenov Added: 09/03/2012 23:42 [+1]

Excellent verses.

I liked it. Very lively. No worse than Krylov.

akuwa Added: 09/04/2012 06:23 [+0 ]

Alexander, everything is fine. I like it. Of course, a lot of peaks, well, nothing. In order not to beep, I try to edit, you won’t believe it, it takes almost as much time to remove mats as it takes to write.
I liked it, otherwise it would be so dusty, as you put it. Fables to x @ I (fig, horseradish) but the essence, of course, is the same. Dare. Who knows, but let Ivan Andreevich (Krylov) rest.

akuwa Added: 06/15/2016 12:42 pm [+1]

Wolf and Lamb

Gathered the little Lamb,
Drink water at the waterhole.
He is small, still a child,
The Wolf meets him, in a drinking bout.
Swollen, muzzle all swollen,
And with a drill rushing at the boy.
Byashka's blood froze in her veins,
-Well, everything, - he thinks, - Hana.
-The folder has two liters of potion,
The lamb says to the Wolf.
And you, after all, toil with a hangover,
Tell me, I'll drag it in an instant.
For this, you take me to the stream,
You will miss all the time.
- I agree, Byashka, your mother,
Are you still here, how long do I have to wait?
And it didn't even take five minutes.
The wolf didn't look back.
Lamb with vodka, right there.
From happiness, the Wolf sat on his ass.
Well, Byashka, you give
You are like a brother to me now.
Even when you come here
I will be glad to meet you.
Here is such a turn,
Can turn happiness.
It was necessary, just something
The wolf should splash in time.

akuwa Added: 06/15/2016 12:44 pm [+1]

Lion and Hare

Somehow Leo, walking in the woods, stepped into the shit,
Let's build a toilet! Okay, it's decided.
They sawed boards, logs, dug a hole,
Everyone worked, only Oblique, did not dig a single gram.
In general, he is kind of strange, he scored a bolt on everyone,
Almost all the time in a cast, and walked in bruises.
All the shit in the forest was collected, in a heap and burned,
In general, as a subbotnik type held.
Once again, the lion is walking along the path,
The Hare sees on the path, sat down, sits and shits.
The lion flew up to the Hare out of indignation,
And a kick in the asshole, I wanted to give him.
- Lyovochka, have mercy, how could you think,
I just caught a butterfly at my feet.
But he doesn’t take his hands off, here’s a bitch, he’s cunning,
- What is the name of the butterflies? Well, this is ... Swallowtail.
Who are you brainwashing, raise your hands,
-After all, the bitch will fly away, I'm sorry, damn it.
Well, I'm letting go, because there is no use for her,
Here the bitch flew away, but shit, then lope!
***

The funniest fables

HAPPINESS WHERE THERE IS LOVE!

Three girls in the evening
Gathered at a friend's house:
flipped through the catalog
They drank cola, cognac.
Broke down, dreamed,
Slowly got mad...

One girl says:
- "If I met the prince,
I would do everything for him -
The boy has given birth!
But first - a fur coat, a wheelbarrow,
Well, a dacha on Rublyovka!”

Her friend replied:
- “It’s like you fell from an oak tree!
Today the princes are not honored,
It is necessary to pasture the "daddy"!

So that the "beaver" was with gray hair,
Single to il widow,
To keep the bank solid,
To enter the elite club!

If I got this
I would have thrown a feast with a mountain!
So that in the evening the wife,
And in the morning, a widow!”

The third girl got up:
- “So girls, it’s not good!
And there will be no use in life
Without love, but by calculation!

Let not the prince of elite blood,
Yes, and not a "beaver" solid!
If only to believe and love
And he valued his family!

The two friends laughed
They called the third durra.
Sit and laugh...
Well, they broke up for the time being.

Five years have passed since
How did that conversation go?
And by pike command
Ile fate favor
Friends met again
Well, they stayed to chat.

The first girl says:
- “I wanted, a fool, a prince!
There is a fur coat, there is a wheelbarrow,
There is also a dacha on Rublyovka.
Only I'm at that dacha
As if in a golden cage!
No friends, no girlfriends
A crowd of guards around!
I'm bored day by day
This cage is golden!”

- “Yes-ah-ah,” the second answered,
- If I ever knew
What is the scariest thing in the world
Be responsible for the life of the "beaver"!
He promised me mountains of gold
And slipped two contracts
By which believe do not believe
I'll fly naked out the door!
And now even a wolf howl
God forbid I become a widow!”

The third girl said:
- “Yes, it’s not sweet for you, sisters!
My Vanyusha is not like that -
Working and simple.
People have more respect
Our son and daughter are growing up.
We live in our house
And we do business together!

Here it is, light in sight
Together with my daughter and son.
Well, friends, I have to go!
You, no fluff, no feather!

She gave her hand to her husband
She hugged her son and daughter,
Got in a white Mercedes
Here is the end of the story!

A fairy tale is a lie, but there is a hint in it,
A lesson for young offspring!
We remind you again and again:
HAPPINESS WHERE THERE IS LOVE!!!

A family of lions without too much fuss
The issue was resolved in the affirmative, it seems.
Poverty has not been seen in the forest since then
(And hares, by the way, are not noticeable either).

Friends met over the weekend.
Of course, the table was full of food.
There were so many drinks there,
Bacchus would have strangled himself with envy!
The hostess ate and drank a lot.
Guests, not forgetting, poured,
Well, and the dog, from the master's table
Leftovers, every now and then, served.
There was a dispute about this and that.
Laughed, joked a lot.
The conversation was carried on in a cheerful rhythm,
But, nevertheless, the heroine has become a lot.
Walked away to the bedchamber,
Behind her, the poodle disappeared.
Her husband was pleasing friends all night
And in the morning the picture appeared.
When, at dawn, the guests dispersed,
He sleepily wanted to cling to his beloved,
And then the evil spirits in bed and appear
Unnecessarily necessary.
In place of the most beloved wife
Black with tail, hooves, horns
An ugly image of evil Satan,
Thrown into hell long ago by the Gods.
To the switch hand and, bright light
He opened his eyes to his wife.
There is no beloved on the bed at all,
But on the floor he finds a girlfriend.
On the mat she sleeps like a dog,
And the poodle on her bed.
Let the reader forgive me
But who of all that evening was a slave?!
Master, rust is like a gelding in a barn,
Into another box he resoundingly departed.
And I call all those who read
To learn from mistakes.
The moral here is primitive and simple:
An, if a glorious holiday happened,
If you wet your lips with nectar,
Make sure that sorting out is not ashamed

WOLF ON DIET

The hungry Wolf said to the She-Wolf:
- I missed the bird so much.
I won't give up the lamb either.
So appetizing is his thigh!
- Calm down, - said the Wolf, -
Or have you forgotten that it is not good,
Even children know about it
Dreaming about meat on a diet?!
- I, dear, also know
But I'm just melting from hunger.
Veil before the eyes.
Prey is often not visible.
And even if you see something
Unable to catch up. That's embarrassing!
Health thumped, as in oblivion.
I'll have to stop my diet.
Let the cholesterol be high
I'm still a wolf, not a donkey.
Read, reader, this fable,
Before you go on a diet!

DRAGONFLY AND ANT

Jumper Dragonfly
She knew her business well.
The whole repertoire danced
Forget about the brakes.

She knows different styles
You must understand yourself
Instantly dancer spun
On posters all over the country.

No respite on tour
No mention of the old days
Notorious Ant
The impresario is with her.

And the dragonfly tribe grows,
Have fun from the heart.
This is what it means today
"So come on, dance!"

TWO BATONS OF SAUSAGE (FABLE)

One day two loaves of sausage
Before getting on the scales
We talked quite frankly.
Russian loaf behaved arrogantly!
"Do you know? - he said: after all, my parent-
Our Russian native manufacturer,
Not that you are born abroad
Shiny and smelly dude!"
"Maybe I'm a dude," answered in tone
Beautiful imported loaf-
But now look at yourself.
There is nothing Russian in you inside:
Shpig was imported from Germany,
And the factory bought the meat already in Italy!
And in order to feel an increase in weight,
You were bombarded with Spanish additive.
Only a shell, like from Russia,
Everything is better, prettier.
But the shell is like a condom
Which will hide any negativity.
And I'm an imported loaf.
Produced abroad.
But according to the same recipe,
Where there are no traces of Russian dope:
Without soy, substitutes for raw materials.
That's why I look like a dude."
-MORALITY-
It doesn't matter where the loaf was born.
It should be healthy and delicious!
No need to use a condom
The child must be healthy and beautiful!

Mice one fine evening
(I apologize for the stamp)
Cat Vaska invited to a meeting
Movements "Cats to mice!"

Cat Vaska (current Vasily)
Introduced the block he created...
(He, apparently, was beaten a little
For the fact that the fat dragged away.)

I have been friendly with mice since childhood!
He said, licking his mustache,
-My slogan - all mice for dinner
Swiss, but free, cheese!

I solemnly give you my word -
Here he licked his lips again,
- What about the mousetrap ban
I will promote the law.

The mice squeaked: -Vaska - darling!
What eyes he has!
Giving him unanimously
Sympathy and voices.

To thunderous applause
Cat Vaska said he was glad
HAVE such an intelligent
And a dedicated electorate

Thinking: -And besides, delicious!-
Left with a young mouse ...

With the moral of this sad fable
Find out for yourself, my reader!

FABLE ABOUT THE GREEK

Once a very wise Greek,
hastily building a pirogue,
said that there are no rivers in the world
in which there is no ford.
He said and lowered into the water
its not cunning structure,
leaned on the oars that there are forces,
trying to keep up with the flow.
…
The rapid is passed, in front of him
river quiet - oblique shallows,
suddenly sees a miracle: not burbot,
not tench, not bream, not catfish, not perch.
Six paws, whiskers, claws and tail,
well, just a caterpillar track,
and take a look, so diarrhea will pass
and I will back away like a cancer.
"Who are you?" our brave Greek asked.
"Well, answer me soon,
I passed a lot of rivers
but I haven't seen anything worse.
Silent like a fish, only with a tail
the sand is slowly raking in.
Our Greek wanted him with an oar,
then I thought: suddenly break!
And you won't pass by either.
so you can seem like a coward
and even the most dead ruff
the Greek will be mocked.
…
And now the Greek five
hidden under muddy water,
it would be by the tail, so no, in the claw ...
Over the river the echo howled for a long time !!!

This fable has one thought:
you do not crawl into the river with your hands,
and suddenly there is a crocodile fish
or even worse - piranha!

WOLF AND WOLF WORK (FABLE)

In one neglected forest
With thicket and swamp
The wolf came to settle down
For a hell of a job.

Resin painted over gray hair,
And sprinkled with nectar wool,
Gray comes to the boar,
Head of HR.

And straight to the point, they say, teeth
Pokudova is enough
Work, you see, ready
Specifically, in a pack of wolves.

The boar already grunted, as if waiting
Another statement.
- Yes, you are a wolf, not a jackal? -
He snores indignantly.

What the hell is a jackal?
Applicant rushed.
- Well, consider that you did not hit
You are in our forest, buddy.

The boar smelled his ass about the stump,
Squinted slyly:
- We have a full staff of wolves
Brigade of jackals.

Jackals in the forest? .. These are the times -
The wolf mumbles in a clear trance. -
Or maybe it ... you have
Others from vacancies?

I could be exactly like a fox
Catching mice and birds.
Boar laughs:
- Oh, wake up!
We no longer have foxes.

Instead, they live in the forest
Visiting hyenas.
Not like foxes plow here
Resignedly in three shifts.

So I would go to the hares.
Let them teach me. -
The wolf babbles. - It's a shame
But when the occasion comes...

The boar laughs:
- Wow, I'm dying!
You seem to be drunk!
We've had kangaroos for a long time
Here they jump instead of hares.

So why should I die at all?
The wolf exclaimed in despair.
- Come on, where is the bear sitting,
Toptygin, your boss?!

Bear-e-go! - grunted like a chant,
Boar. - Well, you and tsatsa.
They even forgot the word. a lion
We are now in the kingdom.

So where did I get, boar?
The wolf prays with a dull look.
Boar in response:
- led by the devil
You in the Russian forest.

But only here we have now
Big changes -
Other fauna and beast
New thinking.

We don't even have a beaver in the river.
But there are hippos
Kulik, having collected water in his beak,
The swamp surrendered to the Flamings.

Yes, I'll tell you myself
I warm up the chair.
So come on. Adyu. Salam.
Look for another place.

TOPTYGIN AND KOSOLAPAYA

Joy rises up,
Rash for more intrigue!
The wedding is walking through the forest, -
Toptygin is getting married today.
glorious little wife
Behind the side, bear, playfully,
Stroking her gently with her paw, -
Irresistible diva.

All the inhabitants of the forest are glad, -
Happiness came to their reserve!
Only there were connivances,
Tar brought to the holiday.
The murmur went quietly:
"Look, the wife will be
Clearly a little bit clubfoot!
Judging by her lameness..."

After the honeymoon
No consolation for Toptyzhka!
Everything goes. Thinks. Raging!
He took everything too close.
Would it be otherwise, if they drip
Moose, foxes and wolves:
"Why did you take the clubfoot?
What, was not found softer than the withers?

Drank Toptygin. Tormented.
Is there a defect in the spouse?
Seems to be trying around the house
Just like family fun.
Knitting, washing and cooking.
There are no claims in intimacy either.
But, anyway, clubfoot, -
If you take a qualification in the taiga ...

Well, disdain ridicule
Animals are not going!
When the hares are drunk
They swear about Kosolapuya.
"What hitherto humbly I
Did he allow them insults?"
Thought Stomp, despicable
Feelings changing to revenge ...
There is a new churchyard in the reserve.
Today there is only one grave.
Who said at that holiday
"About cute clubfoot"?

And there are more disabled people.
They don't have paws.
Mishkin's honor was amused,
May not be entirely ethical.

As for Clubfoot, -
She became "Mrs. Forest".
She is now admired.
The press often writes about her.

There is no morality in history
It has no other subtext.
There is only a moratorium for now
Hayanya on and reproaches!

EGG

Pestrushechka laid an egg
Huge, so six kilos
Sensation! For the first time in the world!
There was no such thing
Correspondents, journalists
Publicists from abroad
And Guinness with his book
Wants to record in it.
They all rush to the chicken coop
And they ask for an interview
Ready Luggage Notebook:
-Tell us, Pied Mother
How could you do it with the Rooster
Laying a giant egg?
-Secret, Kura says to them,
And languidly looks into the distance.
-What are you planning next?
- Oh, you should all go away from here.
And at a distance the Rooster is standing
And he looks down at everyone.
Correspondents all to him
Questions pour rooster
-Tell me how you did it.
Laying a giant egg?
“Secret,” he sings through his teeth.
And he looks very wickedly into the distance.
-What are your plans for the future?
- The dream does not give rest,
I would like to take karate lessons
To give the Ostrich in the face.

AT DAWN YOU DON'T WAKE HER

One rooster found a great job:
He hired himself to serve in the chicken coop,
Crow something in the morning
And wake up people on time.
However, life is full of tragedy.
And soon at the neighbors house
A young rooster began to crow.
It was embarrassing for the old man.
And he began to crow early,
While the neighbor was still dozing.
But he did not wait long for revenge.
And screamed before...
The night was getting shorter.
They started singing so early
What is this singing to endure
The owners were out of breath.
In the end from the rooster
Only offal remains
But even the cat ate them.

The moral here is quite a bit:
Everyone needs to know that success in life
It's not about crowing before everyone else.