The more you try to achieve a person who does not appreciate you, the more painful for you will be the blows of his indifference.
1 year ago
John Fowles
I don't want to hurt you, and the more I climb on you, the more it hurts you. And I don't want you to hurt me, and the more you push me away, the more it hurts me.
John Fowles
Richard Bach
Until there is a place in your life for a person who would be no less important to you than yourself, you will always be alone.
Richard Bach
Until there is a place in your life for a person who would be no less important to you than yourself, you will always be alone.
Richard Bach
Paulo Coelho
In my opinion, there is nothing worse than indifference from the person who is most important to you.
Paulo Coelho
In my opinion, there is nothing worse than indifference from the person who is most important to you.
Paulo Coelho
Muhammad Ali
The more sincere you are, the more false and hypocritical the world around you is. Muhammad Ali
The more sincere you are, the more false and hypocritical the world around you is.
Muhammad Ali
The more sincere you are, the more false and hypocritical the world around you is. Muhammad Ali
I sincerely believe that a person can achieve any goal if every day at six in the morning he wants to achieve it more than sleep.
Calm down. Don't listen to me. I wanted to say that I am jealous of you for the dark, the unconscious, for that which explanations are unthinkable, which cannot be guessed. I am jealous of you for the items of your toilet, for the drops of sweat on your skin, for the contagious diseases floating in the air that can stick to you and poison your blood. And, as for such an infection, I am jealous of Komarovsky, who will take you away sometime
What a pity that what your existence has become for me, my existence has not become for you. I. Brodsky
Do what you want. Because you will be criticized anyway. You will be scolded if you did it, and they will scold you if you didn't.
Eleanor Roosevelt
It is better not to get to anyone than to someone who does not appreciate you. D.Grinberg
When a woman loves you, you are more than a god to her. When out of love - less than an insect. Vadim Chernovetskiy
Why didn't I meet you earlier than him? I would love you so. But now I can't. I love him.
Boris Vian "Foam of days"
Why didn't I meet you earlier than him? I would love you so. But now I can't. I love him. Boris Vian "Foam of days"
Why does increasing the amount of effort not improve the result, and in some cases even devalue previous achievements? By what laws does the psyche and relationships with people work? Why does an overestimated potential of importance repel us from the goal, leads to a loss of strength and resources?
In the US special forces, there is one rather tough exercise for recruits, the purpose of which is to teach soldiers to control themselves in a stressful situation. What is it? A person is tied hand and foot and sent to a pool 3 meters deep, the task is to hold out for 5 minutes and not die. Needless to say, most beginners immediately panic and fail? All as one are trying to stay afloat, which is problematic to do in a bound state. And to withstand this time under water does not allow fear, which eats up a good half of the oxygen, as a result of which many have to be pumped out.
How not to fail the test? Remember two rules: the more effort you put into saving, the sooner you will drown; the longer you panic, the more oxygen you use. It's actually easy to complete the challenge, even if you can't swim. To do this, you need to trust the laws of physics: let the body sink to the bottom and push off from it, inhale the air, and then repeat the process again and again until the time runs out. Neither willpower nor superhuman endurance is required from a soldier, just ingenuity! As for the second: panic really clouds the mind, which is why it should be abandoned, in literally relaxed in the face of danger. It is not instincts that save a person, but the ability to master them. How this story relates to our topic, we will discuss below.
Why is effort not equal to recoil?
By what principle do the majority of the inhabitants live? “The more effort I put in, the more I will get in the long run. The more I study, the smarter I will become. The more I start working, the better I will earn.” But here lies the catch - it's a lie! The rule works only at the beginning of the path, and then there comes a point, after which additional work does not bring any benefit. And the more energy you spend, the less reward you will receive at the end of the journey. What does it look like in practice?
Each of your subsequent actions will devalue the previous one. A lady will accept a bouquet presented once as a holiday. Having received the flowers again, he will kiss your cheek and smile. The third time, everything will happen as it should. And in the 33rd - flowers in the hands will cause irritation. In the same way, one trip to your parents a month will make old people happy. Two are simply delightful. While the daily visits to visit them will seem like something for granted.
The same rule applies to sex, food, money, relationships, everything! One friend is worth its weight in gold, ten friends plus one do not change anything. As well as the difference between earnings of 10 and 30 thousand dollars, which seems tangible at first, but when reaching amounts of $1,010,000 and $103,000, it is completely leveled. This leads to certain thoughts, don't you think?
Paradox of the psyche: the more you want, the more you push away
The law of diminishing productivity described above applies to actions, but in relation to psychic reality, things are even more complicated. The correlation between the efforts of consciousness and reward is generally reversed!
In simple words, the more you strain, be active, fight for your goal, the less you will achieve. The operation of this law is clearly demonstrated by the example of training recruits in special forces. When an attempt to stay on the water leads to the fact that a person simply loses the rest of his strength and drowns. It works the same way in life.
For example, when we consciously try to wean ourselves from smoking, we start smoking even more because of stress. When we are chasing success in anguish, the dream, as luck would have it, moves away. When we learn to manage our feelings, we only lose our temper more often. It seems that the brain deliberately resists our decisions:
- Do you want freedom? Feel connected.
- Do you want to become strong? Feel your weakness.
- Looking for love? Get a portion of rejection.
- Are you trying to make others respect you? This means that something will happen that will help others to finally lose confidence in you.
And this is just the tip of the iceberg.
What to do with this knowledge
The conclusion suggests itself this: if we push away everything that we passionately desire, we need to act from the opposite - to achieve goals by abandoning them. Do you want to increase your value? Give it up and switch to the importance of others. You will be surprised, but it will work exactly the opposite. As well as giving up the pursuit of perfection will only bring you closer to a sense of inner harmony.
You no longer need to chase freedom, it is enough to admit your dependence, and this action will have the opposite effect. What we refuse will knock on our door without any effort. Stop torturing yourself with thoughts about the meaning of life, give up the endless search for love.
Be sure that everything said will find you if you let go of the importance. The point is that by stopping the pursuit of goods, we stop rushing about and learn to see clearly, making room for something more in our lives.
That is why in moments of defeat you should not act on an anguish. Give up victory, give up the obsessive habit of controlling everything in the world - and the Universe will become your ally. The world lives according to its own laws: floundering in the water - you will certainly drown; but by allowing yourself to sink to the bottom, you can push off and gain the desired height.
The strength of a person is in humility, in the ability to accept life as it is, and not to fight with windmills. There is no need to thrash with fists, it is enough to know by what rules the world works. Failure will not break the one who is calmly waiting for her to visit. And there, who knows, maybe it is she who will lead you to salvation?
Very disappointing. Everything is given to me with great difficulty. And, what is very funny, with all that, I do not get much. The more effort I put in, the worse the result. At the same time, others who actually do nothing achieve more, look better in the eyes of others. They have talents, goals in life. I have nothing, all thanks to my aimless efforts to become better. IN Lately I'm terribly sick. I am not allowed to retire at home, they insult me, beat me. I don't have the right to do what needs to be done, let alone what I want to do. I don't want to see all this.
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Aristotle, age: 17/06/06/2017
Responses:
Hello Aristotle. That happens sometimes. The more effort and stress, the worse the result. This may be because you are trying in the wrong direction and everything is resisting it (look around, it may be worth putting more effort in another place), or maybe just because of the tension it doesn’t work out very well. In any case, you need to do something for yourself and your conscience, and not for the evaluation of others. Then there will be respect for yourself even for minor successes. Only the person himself can appreciate how valuable even an insignificant result is. Do not despair.
Soon your life and environment will change dramatically. And then the habit of work will help you out more than once. Where other people, accustomed to easy victories, will break down, there you will not give up!
Gata , age: 32 / 06/07/2017
Hello. The black bar will change to white. Effort is good, and even if not everything works out yet, time will put everything in its place. Previously, we all could not walk, talk, eat with a spoon, write, count, etc. And it didn’t happen right away, after all! And now you are the master! And talent is not particularly needed. Soon you will finish school, you will be able to enter and move to a student hostel. Slowly you will become an independent, independent person. I wish you success!
Irina, age: 06/29/2017
There is a rule of 10,000 hours - then you will become a professional in a certain business when you spend at least 10,000 hours on it, and naturally, you will earn good money. Choose the direction that interests you, and be patient, nothing happens right away. If there is no way to retire somewhere in the library, in nature, go to some circle or club, then take it for granted, many great people worked in terrible conditions, and nevertheless gave out results. Moreover, when you get older, you can live separately, you will succeed.
Listener, age: 30 / 06/07/2017
When I feel bad at heart, I
I just listen to music without words, there is such a thing.
It relaxes the human soul, calms,
slightly distracts from the environment in which he
located.
Gray-haired, age: many / 06/07/2017
Aristotle, since you took such a pseudonym for yourself - you need to correspond at least a little) - treat everything philosophically. If you read the biographies of many famous people, you will find in many of them an unhappy childhood, "lack of ability" and all the same. In fact, we know very little about ourselves and about our real abilities, because many of them do not open right away. God has given something to every person. Try not to overreact to the attitude of others, be a philosopher) Look in yourself for what you are drawn to, what interests you. And the wisest thing is to turn to the Creator with a request: "Lord, enlighten my mind and heart and let me understand Your will for me." Ask like this more often and try to sympathize and help those who are also feeling bad. God loves the kind and sympathetic - He helps them. And also learn to forgive, not to be angry, not to be offended by anyone - after all, they themselves do not understand what they are doing. Just forgive and leave. You will see - the insults will stop. If it does not work out, ask: "Lord, help me forgive." You will learn not to be offended and not to lose heart - inner strength will come. Then you can do a lot.
Nathanael, age: ** / 06/08/2017
Hello! Just don’t despair. I understand that sometimes I also make more efforts than others. You know, the main thing is not to give up. Patience and work will grind everything) What you gain with difficulty is still more valuable than what others acquire with ease. you should be so upset, but you will be stronger morally than those around you) Every person has talents, but sometimes they are hard to notice. You need to try yourself in different areas. It's great that you want to become better, this is the right goal) You can even make a plan for yourself, what exactly do you want to become better at. I sympathize with you, I understand how insults depress. But you, as best you can, try not to pay attention to them. they won’t scold you all your life) Just be patient. And if you can fix something so that you won’t be scolded, try it) Why is it forbidden to do what you need? Maybe your relatives really need your help or are they worried about you in this way? In any case, do not lose heart, you are not alone. Because God is always with you) He loves you very much and will never leave you) Ask Him for help, and everything will work out) I wish you finding the meaning of life, more patience and strength, good relationships in the family, success in studies, good health, always good mood, happiness, more love, joy and peace in life and all the best! Hold on, God will help you!
Anastasia, age: 06/19/2017
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The most important
Where do thoughts of suicide come from?
Who imposes intrusive thoughts on us?
Obsessive thoughts - this is the form in which they come to us false ideas who are trying to take power over us. Every day, our consciousness is subject to their active attacks. This prevents us from soberly assessing the situation, making plans and believing in their implementation, because of these thoughts it is difficult for us to concentrate and find reserves to overcome problems, these thoughts are exhausting, and often lead to despair, the result of which are thoughts of suicide.
From childhood we were taught the traditional approach to achieving the goal: more effort - better result. We tried to apply it at school, then at the university, and now you are breaking this rule by sitting at work and reading this article. But, one way or another, this principle is fundamental in all areas of life, whether it's a career or polishing your own car. At least we thought so. In fact, this does not always happen. Your excessive efforts may not bring the expected result, and in some cases even lead to the opposite effect. We will look at three main types of relationship between effort and results, and show by examples that great efforts often lead to a negative outcome.
Rising return curve
In the first case, we will consider the direct dependence of the result on effort, which is displayed on the graph as a linear curve moving up. Of course, there are many things in which your efforts will bring the desired effect. But there is bad news. As a rule, this principle works in minor aspects of our lives and concerns easy and often repetitive tasks: driving a car, cleaning an apartment, filling out documents, etc. In all these cases, a careful approach guarantees the best result. It is absolutely natural that if you wipe the bath for an hour, then it will be much cleaner than if you do it for only 15 minutes.
Average return curve
Most activities do not work on the principle of a rising return curve, because they require a more balanced approach. This, as a rule, refers to intellectual activity or involving the use of other cognitive functions. In this case, the return curve rises to a certain level, and then goes down. This means that the more you pay attention to the process, the less useful it becomes in the long run.
Labor productivity studies show that we are most efficient only in the first 4-5 hours of the day. The work that follows has less return, and to such an extent that a working day at 16 hours is no different in its usefulness from a 12-hour one.
Visually, this case can be described by the example of money. There is a big difference between an income of 30,000 rubles and 60,000 rubles. The difference in income between 1,030,000 and 1,060,000 will be reflected only in two extra degrees of the passenger seat heater in your car. And the difference between 1,000,030,000 and 1,000,060,000 can only affect the rounding side of the number on your tax return.
The situation is similar with social connections. For example, having at least one friend is vital for a person. Having two friends is already much better than having one. However, the difference between 10 or 9 friends won't really change anything in your life. And if there are 21 instead of 20, then this will only affect your ability to remember the name of each of them.
Inverted return curve
An inverted curve means feedback between effort and reward. That is, the more effort you put in, the less benefit you get from it. Unlike the first case, this principle concerns the most important things in our lives, which require either deep emotional work, or in general are important spiritual categories.
Aldous Huxley wrote: “The more diligently we try to cope with circumstances, the less likely we are to succeed. Knowledge and results come only to those who have comprehended the paradoxical art of doing and not doing at the same time, combining relaxation with work.”
The most fundamental components of our life, however paradoxical it may sound, require the most insignificant approach. This is because most of the important things in life are abstract categories. They are not subject to rational evaluation and cannot be achieved by practical means. Here are some of those things:
Control: The more you strive to make sense of your own feelings and impulses, the more powerless you feel. Our emotional life is unruly and often unmanageable, and the desire to subdue it can lead to even more negative consequences. And vice versa: the more you accept your feelings, the more opportunities you have to channel them into right direction and make it work for you.
Freedom: The great desire to be free ironically robs us of that freedom. At some point, it becomes so much that it loses all meaning. Freedom is felt when you dilute it with obligations. Therefore, it is restrictions that allow us to comprehend the true taste of freedom.
Happiness: The endless pursuit of happiness is what makes us unhappy. Accepting the convention of this concept allows you to experience happiness to a much greater extent.
Safety: Trying to provide yourself with maximum security creates even more insecurity in it. But satisfaction with some uncertainty allows you to feel safer.
Love: The more you try to get the other person to love you, the less likely it will happen, and more importantly, the less you will love yourself.
Respect: Just like love, it doesn't need to be demanded. Excessive desire to gain respect for yourself most often leads to the opposite result.
When it comes to these lofty, abstract, existential goals, our minds are like a dog chasing its own tail. For the dog, this seems logical, because he knows that the chase allowed him to catch many external objects. But no matter how hard the dog tries to catch his tail, all his attempts are in vain until he realizes that the tail and he are one.
