Anger is a strong emotional reaction of a person in response to events. Which cause irritation or other negative experiences. On the one hand, it is a kind of protection and mobilization of our body, on the other hand, it is a huge destructive force. Moreover, a wave of destruction can sweep both over the person himself (his body), and through the social contacts of a person and other people.
It occurs when:
- is a reaction to pain, which is inherent in us at the biological level;
- is a continuation of other feelings, such as fear, guilt, etc.;
- is a consequence of the assessment of the situation, which is perceived by us as unfair.
Two sexes - two angers?
Remember the song about "noble rage", which was supposed to "boil like a wave"? Rage is a very strong anger, and these lines just indicated its rallying power, as well as the ability to overcome all obstacles and all enemies with it. However, despite the fact that the text itself did not indicate the gender orientation of the lines anywhere, such a function of anger is more perceived as its male form. That is, a man in anger shows his strength and defends the rightness. And this idea took root as a more positive one, despite the fact that, as races, the representatives of the stronger sex tend to, during the transition to an uncontrolled phase, what is called “dissolve hands”, that is, use the power not only of the word, but also of the fist. Thus, too much anger finds its outlet.
In women, such behavior is always viewed negatively. Why is it not proper for a woman to be angry from the point of view of certain social norms? Because, the fair sex is still perceived as softer, more submissive and docile. Therefore, it is not typical for them to defend their interests in this way. Moreover, in a fit of strong emotions, the ladies often burst into tears. This, on the one hand, is perceived as a sign of weakness, on the other hand, as a tool of manipulation. And only a few understand that, in fact, the female body, more adapted to self-preservation, thus gets rid of strong stressful experiences. Nevertheless, they want to see a successful woman balanced. Tears are hysteria, and hysterics are not capable of being successful specialists. Even Hillary Clinton was blamed for her excessive emotionality, although, if compared without a gender accent, Donald Trump allowed himself less restrained and provocative statements and attacks.
Creative and destructive power
However, it was not in vain that we began this paragraph with a song of the war years. After all, anger often helps to defend one's interests where it would be more logical and less exhaustible not to defend them. He is called to help when common sense would say: do not, this will lead to physiological death! That is why such "notes" woke up the defenders of the Fatherland in the soul.
But, the fact of the matter is that when anger speaks, the mind is always silent, and there are no exceptions! At present, fixation on a personal idea, and even fueled by such strong emotions, can lead to real trouble.
One outbreak can destroy a career or a family, or worse, secure a prison sentence. Therefore, the most important task remains to learn how to manage your anger.
But, as we remember, unreleased and suppressed anger can become a “bonfire” for our own body, burning it from the inside. So how do you find a middle ground to manage anger without hurting your personal body?
Anger management technique
- realize that this is precisely anger, that now your mind is silent, so you should not do anything momentarily;
- throw out your anger in an adequate direction: you can stomp your feet hard in the toilet until you feel “goosebumps” in your feet, you can clap your hands hard until you feel tingling, or just squat many times until you feel tired in your legs, so stress does not stagnate in the body;
- anger has the properties to "flare up": take a deep breath and exhale for 10 seconds, normalize your internal state;
- also, you should not start to “wind up” yourself, rethinking the situation, conduct an internal dialogue and “cry into the pillow”, as you will only aggravate the experience;
- try to understand the act of the person who caused the attack in you, perhaps he didn’t want to hurt you at all, or maybe you just “came hand in hand” in solving his problem;
- Now imagine how you would like to see a successful outcome and what does your anger tell you? Is it the same thing? Are you ready for a moment of weakness to have far-reaching consequences? If not, then take action only when you realize that the mind is in control again.
Doesn't work the first time? No problem! Did you immediately ride a bicycle or rollerblade as a child? No, but the falls didn't stop you from trying again. In this case, the situation is similar. You can get yourself a notebook and write down what worked for you and what didn’t.
Perhaps you will single out one person who provokes your outbursts of anger. Then you should definitely return carefully to the point about the motives for such actions. And if the person himself is not doing well, and he gets you because of a feeling of envy? Then you should feel sorry for him, and not be angry with him. If you can’t figure it out yourself, try to come to a consultation with a psychologist. Such a moment can be cited as an example. One patient was constantly "harassed" by a colleague, provoking bouts of anger, which were reflected in the image of the woman who applied. In the course of the sessions, all the moments of envy were revealed, which were clearly broadcast by the "obsessor", but which were poorly realized in a fit of emotions. During the next episode, the client, who had already realized the true reasons and knew how to restore inner balance, instead of an emotional outburst, simply began to feel sorry for her colleague, saying all her problems. As a result, the aforementioned colleague had a real hysteria and she stopped touching the patient, and soon went to work elsewhere.
When anger is the second self
But, sometimes anger takes the form of a second, if not the first I of a person. This happens if, for example, a person has a heightened sense of justice. Where does it come from? In the first case - from childhood psychotrauma. In the second case - as a consequence of overstress. As a rule, such severe stress is a personal unprocessed sense of guilt among the participants armed conflicts. This contingent is very difficult for therapy, because they do not believe that something is wrong with them. In addition, taking the life of an opponent with a weapon in his hands, a person sincerely does not always understand why he cannot punch an opponent who insulted him in the jaw? Unresolved internal stress often filled with alcohol. Which makes the situation even worse.
Therefore, if your relative or close person returned from a "hot spot" and you notice:
- a high degree of resentment;
- heightened sense of justice;
- increased jealousy;
uncontrolled outbursts of anger, often leading to assault or self-mutilation (when a person starts pounding a wall with his hands, for example), make every effort to deal with the problem with the help of a psychologist or psychotherapist. Otherwise, such an outburst of anger can have irreversible consequences. Including for your health.
Helpful Hints
Anger and the desire to take out your anger on someone are far from the most productive emotions, are they? In addition, they literally suck out the remnants of energy from us.
In addition, such negative manifestations can end badly for everyone - after all, being under the influence of anger, you can do a lot of bad things, and also say a lot of evil words, which you will have to regret later.
And what about the possible bad consequences for your health? After all, it is negative emotions and stress are often the cause of numerous diseases. As they say, healthy nerves - a healthy body.
Managing anger is not easy. But this is quite possible to learn - there would be a desire. If you want to stay stress-free and always stay calm and in control, these eight simple but extremely useful tips are worth listening to.
How to learn to restrain yourself in moments of anger
1. Try to let go
Isn't it true, as soon as you hear such advice in moments of anger, it seems to you that if you do this, the end of the world will happen! Nothing will happen, rest assured! And here you don’t have to be an expert on the work of Dale Carnegie (meaning his book How to Stop Worrying and Start Living).
Simply, even in moments of the strongest anger, find a piece of strength to realize the following indisputable fact: worry and be angry because of the situation in which you have stepped into, doesn't make any sense because you've ALREADY gotten into it. And therefore - try to let go of the situation.
2. Breathe deeply!
The next time you find yourself in a stressful situation that makes it hard for you to resist anger, find your willpower to stop for just a minute and do the following useful exercises:
- Take five deep breaths in and out (your belly should pop out with each breath).
- Imagine your stress and anger leaving your body and your mind with every deep breath.
- Smile. If you find it difficult to do this - let it be a fake smile, but you must. Believe me, it's pretty hard to keep feeling angry and annoyed when you have a rather stupid smile on your face!
If necessary, do not hesitate to return to the exercises described above, wherever you are - at home, at work or anywhere else.
3. Try to de-stress
After doing the breathing exercises mentioned above, do a kind of self-scan of your body in order to determine those zones of tension that you still have a place to be.
For example, pay attention to whether you are playing with nodules; whether your eye twitches; do you roll your shoulders in anger, like that boxer, ready to rush to the attack! Perhaps you are just clenching and unclenching your fists?
Gently touch (or massage) the tense area of your body to help relax it. Still can help if you turn on the fantasy, imagining that you are in a place that calms you (on the beach, on a massage table, in a bath, etc.).
How to stop being nervous in a stressful situation
4. Chew slower
In order to master the science of maintaining self-control, it is not necessary to wait until you lose it! People who are prone to anger tend to chew their food quite aggressively when they eat. Take control of this process, starting to chew more slowly (so you can lose weight!).
In addition, if you swallow food, chewing it furiously and quickly, you will definitely eat more than you need (by the way, heartburn and stomach pain often occur in aggressive people exactly because of this reason).
Become an attentive (or, if you prefer, contemplative eater) who pays special attention to the taste of food, its texture, the aroma of each bite of food. Chew it slowly trying to feel or guess all the ingredients from which the dish was prepared.
This tactic will take you one step closer to controlling the rest of your life, including the expression of anger. In addition, you will start to get enough sleep, because you will not go to bed on a full stomach and will stop sometimes waking up at night due to hunger.
5. Enjoy the process
Whatever goal you set for yourself (including the desire to learn how to maintain composure in any stressful situation), constant focus on the end result will lead to the depletion of your physical and mental resources.
Say you have a clear, ambitious goal that requires a lot of time and patience to achieve? Break this global goal into small intermediate tasks. You will immediately have several more reasons to arrange a holiday for yourself when solving each of the tasks.
Give yourself the unique opportunity to constantly get a fairly quick positive result that will allow you to be in high spirits, remain patient, stay goal oriented. And then you will get much more pleasure from any process, much less annoyed.
6. Try to put the picture in perspective
Once again, when the veil of anger begins to cover your eyes, and the prospect of stress looms very close, take a deep breath and ask yourself the following question: Will this situation irritate me just as much in a week? A month later? In a year? And in 10 years?
Catch the hint: of course not, it won't! Generally speaking, you can bet that in the vast majority of cases, the stressful situations that are troubling you now lose their relevance in a week(or even tomorrow). Yes, and to suffer because of things that you are not able to control is to harm your health!
How to avoid stress
7. Stop demanding too much from yourself!
Yes, you are not a perfect person - and that is quite normal! Remember how Jesus, when he was pointed out the sins of a harlot, invited those accusers who are without sin to be the first to throw a stone at her?
In the end, no one threw a stone. Because no one is perfect, and neither are you. To demand perfection from yourself (or from anyone else) is to give yourself an extra reason for stress for the simple reason that such perfection is IMPOSSIBLE!
8. Test Your Patience Daily
Doesn't sound very reasonable, does it? You are trying to learn not to stress, and you are advised to test yourself for strength! Meanwhile, it works, because in order to develop something in yourself, you need to train it. And the more often, the better!
How, you ask? Here are some easy ways for you, which will allow you to train your ability to maintain composure daily in the face of various stressful situations:
- The next time you go to the supermarket, select the longest line at the checkout and calmly wait until your turn comes.
- Instead of paying your bills online, go to the bank in your free time, but stand without negative emotions the whole queue.
- Definitely moving towards the goal, deliberately lengthen the path which you have to go through (literally and figuratively).
Do these tips seem impossible to you? Moreover, does it annoy you when you read them? Then it's time for you to try them out! Decide, in the end, what do you even want. And, if you want to curb your anger - go for it!
Anger management does not provide for its suppression, the desire to avoid the negative manifestations of this powerful feeling. The main thing here is to learn how to manage your emotions.
The Mayo Clinic believes that anger management is the process of recognizing early signs of an impending emotional outburst. Recommendations make it possible to cope with it, turning it into positive energy. At the same time, anger management does not set itself the goal of avoiding its manifestations or restraining them. This is a natural emotional reaction of the body, which will be beneficial if you know how to express it correctly.
In other words, anger management does not include suppressing it, the desire to avoid the negative manifestations of this powerful feeling. The main thing here is to learn how to manage your emotions.
Everyone is subject to sudden, uncontrollable outbursts of anger that affect loved ones. Lack of control over powerful emotional outbursts sometimes leads to tragic consequences, such as physical injury. To avoid this, it is very important to be able not to lose control.
IN Everyday life each person is faced with a huge number of situations that can provoke outbursts of anger of varying degrees of power:
Sudden disconnection of the Internet connection;
Purposeful, boring demands of children, their crying;
Lack of understanding with colleagues, superiors;
The list is endless. But the result is always the same - a surge of energy, which is accompanied by swearing and assault. It is possible to effectively manage such negative manifestations.
Finding a rational solution
You should not focus on the object that causes irritation, you need to find a way to prevent a situation where emotions reach their maximum intensity. Here it is necessary to connect self-organization and self-control.
For example, children get their whims. To solve the problem, you should interest them, find an exciting activity. If a friend or relative does everything in defiance, you need to talk with him, find a compromise.
Anger always worsens the situation, it cannot be used to unleash conflict situations. Understanding this makes it possible to launch mechanisms to search for a peaceful and constructive solution to problems.
forgive and forget
Accepting an apology is an effective means of preventing an outburst of anger that will cause an unpleasant aftertaste, provoke anger and anger others.
The ability to accept apologies and forgive people who "annoyed", even if very strongly, is an indicator of a rational approach to resolving conflict situations. This is also a lesson for the opponent, who will understand that a fierce confrontation will not lead to anything good.
Apologizing, accepting them will give you the opportunity to think about your act, the behavior that led to negative consequences and creating conflict. Such a scheme will be the right way to prevent angry clashes, avoid undesirable consequences, feelings of annoyance, depression, emptiness.
Listening skills
The ability to listen to the interlocutor, and in some cases the opponent or the object that causes irritation, allows you to achieve his location. In addition, the manifestation of active attention instantly creates emotional contact and reduces the degree of intensity, thoughts about the need to act aggressively gradually disappear.
Another important factor, formed at active listening- this is trust, which finally smooths out the conflict situation. It is important to really show interest in the interlocutor.
This leads to such important moments that pacify the opposing side:
Indicates the manifestation of care;
Shows empathy;
Evidence that the interlocutor's thoughts are of interest.
These moments make up for the lack of understanding, which prevents the accumulation of negative emotions and their transformation into an angry outburst.
Relaxation methods
Elementary breathing exercises help to quickly calm the storm of emotions. The most common way is deep breathing. You can also close your eyes during this exercise and think about something pleasant, desirable. You can convince yourself to relax, to distract yourself from the annoying factor.
Method of cognitive restructuring
Anger often increases with geometric progression when it comes to understanding that the situation cannot be influenced. Here, increased anger will not bring a positive practical result, but will only aggravate the situation. To solve it with minimal problems for yourself, you need to realize and accept the lack of the ability to exert any influence.
For example, if in a cafe the waiters mixed up the orders, then the client’s shouting and angry threats will not help to correct the situation as soon as possible. It would be better to understand this and remain calm.
P.S. All of the above methods can be used in combination or separately. Here you should act depending on the situation. These simple ways fight anger, allow you to avoid emotional, physical damage, achieve the location of others.
It must be remembered that aggression does not make the world and a person better, but it is a natural reaction that must be managed effectively.
