Non-reflective listening
Listening styles
Non-reflective listening
Positive evaluative feedback
messages that perform the function of supporting the “I-concept” of the partner and the existing With him interpersonal relationships.
the ability to be attentively silent, not interfering with the speech of the interlocutor with your remarks; useful in cases where the interlocutor wants to discuss painful issues, shows deep feelings (for example, anger or grief), or simply talks about something that requires a minimal response.
Non-judgmental feedback- a type of feedback that does not contain our attitude to the issue under discussion. We use it when we want to learn more about a person's feelings or help him formulate thoughts on a specific occasion, while not directly interfering with the actions of the interlocutor.
These goals are achieved through such techniques as clarification, paraphrasing, clarification, reflection of feelings (or empathy). These procedures formed the basis for the selection of listening styles, the description of which will be devoted to the next paragraph. At the end of the conversation about the types of feedback, let's get acquainted with some results. scientific research in the field of studying feedback in interpersonal communication.
The starting point for the analysis of listening styles is the statement that the ability to hear is an active process that requires certain skills. The most important of them are the methods of non-reflexive, reflective (active) and empathic listening.
Non-reflective listening consists in the ability to be attentively silent, not interfering with the speech of the interlocutor with your remarks.
Passive behavior in reality requires a lot of effort, physical and psychological attention. As a rule, non-reflective listening is useful when the interlocutor wants to discuss painful issues, shows deep feelings such as anger or grief, or simply talks about something that requires a minimal response. In form, non-reflexive listening is the use of short replicas such as “Yes?”, “Go on, go on. It’s interesting”, “I understand”, “I’m glad to hear it”, “Is it possible in more detail?” etc., or non-verbal gestures of support (eg, affirmative head tilt).
Reflective (or active) listening– it is feedback from the speaker, used to control the accuracy of what is heard. In contrast to non-reflective listening, here the listener uses more actively verbal form to confirm understanding of the message.
The main types of reflexive answers are clarification, paraphrasing and summarizing.
Finding out - it is a nonjudgmental technique in which we ask people for more information, either for business reasons or for the purpose of "talking" the person or demonstrating a willingness and willingness to listen.
Clarification tools are questions like “Will you repeat it again”, “Clarify what you mean”, “Is there anything else you wanted to say?” and so on.
For example, a friend turns to you with a remark: “The mood is nowhere worse. Everyone in our group did better in math than me.” If you want to use the clarification technique, you can say, “Why is this upsetting you so much?” or "What do you think caused it?" Answering a question posed in this way, the interlocutor can think about what happened, and, as a result, weaken the emotional experience. Your reactions like “So what, I found something to worry about” or “That was to be expected” will most likely make him feel that you do not understand him and provoke a sense of protection.
Paraphrasing consists in conveying to the speaker his own message, but in the words of the listener. Its purpose is to check the accuracy of what is heard.
Paraphrasing can begin with the words: “As I understand you ...”, “In your opinion ...”, “In other words, do you think ...” At the same time, it is important to choose only the essential, main points of the message, meaning and ideas, and not the feelings of the interlocutor.
Examples:
1) - I'm afraid I won't be taken to the competition this year.
Do you think you're not prepared enough?
2) - I envy them terribly.
- Are you jealous of the guys from that group?
Paraphrasing allows the speaker to see that they are being listened to and understood, and if they are misunderstood, then make appropriate adjustments to the message.
During listening, two tasks are solved: the content of the message is perceived and the emotional state of the interlocutor is captured. Each time in a conversation, we must ask ourselves what is more important for us in this case: what the interlocutor says or how they say it. In addition to the content of the conversation, it may be important to know what feelings (impatience, hidden irritation, excitement, indifference, etc.) are experienced by your interlocutor. When listening, it is very important to give him feedback. Feedback can be expressed as a) a reflection of the speaker's feelings, and b) a reflection of information.
Each of us has passive (involuntary) and active (voluntary) attention. Passive attention is associated with an innate reflex, a subconscious reaction to the new and unusual, and active attention is attention achieved by an effort of the will and pursuing a specific goal: reflection, understanding or memorization. A person’s own thoughts and external interference distract the attention of interlocutors the less, the more important and more interesting information and the interlocutor. A passive listener is like an empty bucket, and an active listener is like a pump that pumps information out of a partner using questions. The following types of hearing can be distinguished:
active,
Passive
Empathic listening.
Active listening (reflective)- this is listening, in which reflection occurs, that is, awareness and analysis of one's own feelings, the causes of actions. It is a process of deciphering the meaning of messages, extracting complete sentences from the speaker's speech (and words emphasized by the interlocutor himself), as well as evaluating what he heard, including separating facts from the interlocutor's opinion.
Passive (non-reflective) listening- this is the ability to carefully listen silently, without interfering with the speech of the interlocutor with your remarks.
Passive listening is useful in cases where the interlocutor shows deep feelings, is eager to express his point of view, wants to discuss painful issues. Here it is important to just listen to him and make it clear that he is not alone, that you hear him, understand and are ready to support him. Communication will be better if you repeat, pronounce what your partner said. Instead of “yes”, you can repeat, without changing anything, some word or phrase.
In this case, it is best to use simple short phrases: “Uh-huh”, Yes - yes”, “Of course”, “Well, well!” and so on. You can reinforce “yeah - uh-huh” with a simple nod. With these short words, you will show the interlocutor that you are following the story.
Of course, you may ask: how can I constantly repeat “yes” if in fact I do not agree with the point of view that the interlocutor is expressing? In this case, it is not necessary to take "yes" as a sign of agreement, it is simply a confirmation of the listener's unflagging attention. “Yes” does not always mean “Yes, I agree”, it can also mean “Yes, I understand”, “Yes, I listen”.
There is no need to be silent, since deaf silence in any person causes irritation, and in an excited person this irritation; will intensify.
Empathic Listening allows you to experience the same feelings that the interlocutor experiences, reflect these feelings, understand the emotional state of the interlocutor and share it.
Rules for Empathic Listening:
1. You need to tune in to listening: forget about your problems for a while, free your soul from your own experiences and try to move away from ready-made attitudes, prejudices regarding the interlocutor. Only in this case you can understand what your interlocutor feels, “see” his emotions.
2. In your reaction to your partner’s words, you must accurately reflect the experience, feeling, emotion behind his statement, but do it in such a way as to demonstrate to the interlocutor that his feeling is not only correctly understood, but also accepted by you.
3. You need to pause. After your answer, the interlocutor usually needs to be silent, to think. Remember that this time belongs to him, do not fill it with your additional considerations, explanations, clarifications. A pause is necessary for a person in order to understand their experiences.
4. It must be remembered that empathic listening is not an interpretation of the motives of his behavior hidden from the interlocutor. It is only necessary to reflect the feeling of the partner, but not to explain to him the reason for the emergence of this feeling in him. Remarks like “So this is because you are just jealous of your friend” or “In fact, you would like to be paid attention to you all the time” - they cannot cause anything but rejection and protection.
5. In cases where the partner is excited, when the conversation develops in such a way that, overwhelmed with feelings, he speaks without closing his mouth, and your conversation is of a fairly confidential nature, it is not at all necessary to answer with detailed phrases. It is enough just to support the interlocutor with interjections, “yes”, “yeah”, nod your head.
Active listening techniques
Active (reflexive) listening involves an interested attitude towards the interlocutor, Active participation during conversation. It is the process of deciphering the meaning of messages.
Active listening techniques are constant clarification of the correctness of understanding the information that the interlocutor wants to convey to you by asking clarifying questions. To understand the real meaning of the message, you can use the following types of reflective questions: clarifying, paraphrasing, reflecting feelings and summarizing.
1. Finding out is an appeal to the interlocutor to supplement, explain something from what he said in order to more accurately understand him. In doing so, we use phrases like: “What do you mean?”, “Please clarify this”, etc. Formulating clarifying questions-statements helps once again to make sure that you correctly understood the main idea of the interlocutor. Or the interlocutor will be able to formulate why he says so.
2. Paraphrasing consists in addressing the speaker of his message with the words of the listener. Paraphrase what your interlocutor said. This will be useful for communication, although in reality you will simply repeat the partner's idea. The goal is to use the interlocutor's own wording to check the accuracy of our understanding of his information, that is, the person's own wording of the message to check its accuracy: “If I understood you correctly”, “Do you think that ...”, “According to your opinion...”, “So you mean...”, “In other words, you meant...”, “As I understand you, you...”
You can draw a line under what you heard: “So, as far as I understand, you want to enter the theater institute.” Paraphrasing helps to remove misunderstandings that may arise in a conversation. The partner can confirm that you have understood him correctly - thus an even better contact will be established between you. If it turns out that he incorrectly conveyed his ideas to you, then he will repeat them and will continue to express his thought more accurately and unambiguously: “No, not necessarily there, but I want to continue to study music and dance.”
3. Reflection of feelings. When reflecting feelings, the emphasis is not on the content of the message, but on reflecting the emotional state of the interlocutor using the phrases: “Probably you feel ...”, “You are upset”, “I think you are very excited about this”, “That is, you think that he did it on purpose to offend you? etc.
By reflecting the feelings of another, we show that we understand him. It's nice when someone understands our experiences and shares our feelings, not paying much attention to the content of the speech. Sometimes after such questions, a person begins to better understand the situation and his own feelings, is able to analyze the causes of the problem and see a way out of the situation.
4. Summary. Summarizing sums up the main ideas and feelings of the speaker. It is appropriate when discussing disagreements at the end of a conversation, at the end of a conversation, at the end of a long conversation, telephone analysis, as well as in conflict management situations, when solving some problems. "Your main ideas, as I understand it, are...", "To sum up all that has been said,...". Summarizing allows you to connect the fragments of the Conversation into a semantic unity, emphasize the main ones, reveal contradictions, helps the speaker understand how well he managed to convey his thought.
This is a more creative level of active listening: you don't just confirm and summarize your partner's ideas, you develop them further. Perhaps the interlocutor will be able to deduce some logical consequences from the ideas of the partner: “Based on what you said, then exact sciences you are no longer interested in the humanitarian ones?”
In general, summarizing and setting clarifying questions-statements are also important because we are not always able to draw adequate conclusions based on what we hear from a partner. Very often, it is precisely the reasons for the statement that are inadequately perceived, people most often do not determine the true reasons for each other's behavior and statements, but attribute to partners those reasons that seem logical to them.
The use of these active listening techniques allows you to provide adequate feedback, and your interlocutor gains confidence that the information conveyed to him is correctly understood by you.
Active listening is indispensable for business negotiations, in situations where the communication partner is equal to you or stronger, as well as in conflict situations when he behaves aggressively or demonstrates his superiority. This is very good remedy calm down and tune in yourself and set up the interlocutor for a conversation.
Active listening techniques are not universal. They work only when you take into account the situation, the emotional state of your interlocutor.
The ability to actively listen to the interlocutor is not as simple as it might seem at first glance. It is no coincidence that in a number of countries courses have been created for managers to improve their skills in listening to an interlocutor. For example, lectures and seminars by J. Steele, a listening specialist who teaches at the University of Minnesota, are attended by senators and members of Congress, prominent businessmen and thousands of corporate employees.
It happens, however, that you have to listen to a person who is in a state of strong emotional arousal, and in this case, active listening techniques do not work. He needs only one thing - to calm down, master himself, and only after that you can communicate with him "on an equal footing." In such cases, passive listening works effectively.
Rules for Effective Listening
Effective listening for many is a significant difficulty, which is exacerbated by various interferences that often occur between communication partners.
It can be: air temperature in the room, noise, conversations of strangers, someone being late, etc. The fatigue of the interlocutor also affects, therefore, it is more efficient to hold meetings in the morning.
How to learn to listen effectively? This is achieved through training and the use of special techniques for effective listening.
Listen carefully
Listen, don't talk
Hear that man
Can say
Can't say
1. Be attentive to the interlocutor. Turn to face him, maintain eye contact. Posture and gestures should indicate what you are listening to. Interpersonal distance should be comfortable for both partners to communicate. Use the position of an active listener - the body is tilted towards the interlocutor, a supportive facial expression, nodding the head as a sign of readiness to listen further, etc.
2. Fully concentrate your attention on the interlocutor. Focus on what he says. Listening requires conscious concentration. Pay attention not only to the verbal component (words), but also to the non-verbal one (poses, facial expressions, gestures, distance).
3. Try to understand not only the meaning of the words of the interlocutor, but also his feelings.
4. If you are unclear about what the interlocutor is talking about, you should make it clear to him, using active listening, by asking clarifying questions. Check if you have understood the interlocutor's words correctly (by clarifying, paraphrasing, reflecting feelings and summarizing).
5. Adhere to an approving attitude towards the interlocutor. This creates a favorable atmosphere for communication. The more the speaker feels approval, the more accurately he will express what he wants to say.
6. Don't rate. Even positive ratings can be a barrier. And any negative attitude on the part of the listener causes a feeling of uncertainty and alertness in communication.
Using these techniques and tips will help you improve your ability to listen to anyone.
Listening errors
When communicating with an interlocutor, typical listening mistakes should be avoided, among which are the following:
1. Interrupting the interlocutor during his message. Most people interrupt each other unconsciously. When interrupting, you need to try to immediately restore the train of thought of the interlocutor.
2. Hasty conclusions make the interlocutor take a defensive position, which immediately erects a barrier to constructive communication.
3. Hasty objections often arise when disagreeing with the statements of the speaker. Often a person does not listen, but mentally formulates an objection and waits for the turn to speak. Then he gets carried away justifying his point of view and does not notice that the interlocutor tried to say the same thing.
4. Unsolicited advice is usually given by people who are incapable of providing real help. First of all, you need to establish what the interlocutor wants: to think together or to receive specific help.
Questions and tasks for self-control
1. Recall cases from your life when communication took place exactly according to this scheme, and name the feelings that arose in you in such cases. Did you want to continue talking about your problems, especially if these problems are important and meaningful to you? Did you have a feeling of trust in communication, a feeling that you are being listened to attentively and that your partner needs you?
2. Have there been other cases when someone listened to you in such a way that you wanted to talk to this person again and again, and after talking with him there was a feeling of relief, awareness of your own significance?
3. Do you think most people prefer to listen or talk when speaking?
4. Let's think about why we tell friends or relatives about our problems.
Maybe in order to listen to advice on how we should behave in this situation? Or in order to be appreciated, approved of our actions? Or, perhaps, in order to hear how the interlocutor would behave in this situation?
5. Do the exercise "Foreigner and Translator"
In the group, two participants are selected, one of which plays the role of a foreigner, and the other is an interpreter. The rest are invited to imagine themselves as journalists at a press conference of a guest who came to them. The "foreigner" chooses the image of his hero himself and introduces himself to the public. Journalists ask him questions, to which he responds in a "foreign" language. In fact, the entire exercise takes place in Russian. The translator's task is to briefly, concisely, but accurately convey what the foreigner said. Several such pairs can participate in the exercise. At the end, it is discussed which of the interpreters followed the instructions most accurately and who was liked the most.
6. Analyze how much you know how to listen.
Can you listen test
After reading the questions, rate the degree of your agreement with the statements according to the following system. “It happens almost always” - 2 points, “most of the time” - 4 points, “sometimes” - 6 points, “rarely” - 8 points, “almost never” - 10 points.
1. Do you try to "overthrow" the conversation in cases where the topic and the interlocutor are not interesting to you?
2. Do the manners of your communication partner annoy you?
3. Can his unfortunate expression provoke you to be harsh or rude?
4. Do you avoid engaging in conversation with an unknown or unfamiliar person?
5. Do you have a habit of interrupting the speaker?
6. Do you pretend that you are listening carefully, but you yourself are thinking about something completely different?
8. Do you change the subject of a conversation if it touches on a topic that is unpleasant for you?
9. Do you correct a person if there are wrong words, vulgarisms in his speech
10. Do you sometimes have a condescending-mentoring tone with a touch of disdain and irony in relation to the one you are talking to?
Analysis of results:
You could score from 20 to 100 points. The higher the total score, the more developed your ability to listen to the interlocutor.
A score of over 62 indicates that you are an "upper-intermediate" listener.
7. Do the Active Listener Exercise
1. Performed by students in triplets. During the exercise, two students talk, and the third acts as an observer-"controller" and gives them feedback after completing the task. Topics for conversation are chosen by students, you can suggest the following: “What are the main qualities you need to have in order to have many friends?”. Before expressing his opinion on the issue under discussion, the student needs to repeat what the interlocutor said, using active listening techniques.
2. The following version of the exercise is possible - "The ability to listen."
The exercise is performed in pairs. The first student should briefly tell the other student his autobiography within 2-3 minutes. The second student in a few sentences sets out the content of what the first one was talking about and tells his autobiography, and the first one briefly retells it.
8. Do the exercise “Am I a good listener?”
Each student needs to fill in the table, writing in the columns the frequency of manifestation (often, rarely or never) in his communication of the indicated signs of a good listener. The exercise is performed in pairs.
Now you will try to evaluate yourself on the basis of good listening. First, your friend (maybe a desk mate) will do it for you by filling out your columns in the table, and then you will evaluate yourself. Next, compare and discuss the results.
Table
Independent work.
Composition-miniature "The ability to look and see, listen and hear in communication."
Types of listening. Ways of listening (reflective, non-reflective, empathic). The culture of listening.
Learn to listen - This essential condition correct understanding of the point of view of the interlocutor, and in general - the key to successful business communication. The real "art of listening" is manifested in the fact that the listener:
- always refrains from expressing his emotions while the speaker is presenting information;
- “helps” the speaker with encouraging gestures (nods), a smile, brief remarks, unobtrusively, but so that he continues the conversation.
Statistics say that 40% of the working time of modern administrators is devoted to listening, while 35% is spent on speaking, 16% on reading, and 9% on writing. However, only 25% of managers really know how to listen.
Everything affects the ability to listen: the personality of a person, hischaracter , interests, gender, age, specific situation, etc.
Interference with hearing
Conversation createshearing interference:
Internal interference - the inability to turn off your thoughts, which seem much more significant and important than what the partner is saying right now; an attempt to insert one's own line into the speaker's monologue in order to create a dialogue; mental preparation of a response (usually objections);
External interference with listening, for example, the interlocutor does not speak loudly enough or in a whisper at all, has bright mannerisms that distract from the essence of his speech, monotonously “mumbles” or, conversely, “swallows” words, speak with an accent, twirls foreign objects in his hands, constantly glances at his watch, fussing, etc. External mechanical interference includes: traffic noise, sounds of repairs, constant peeking into the office of strangers, phone calls, as well as uncomfortable indoor conditions (hot or cold), poor acoustics, unpleasant odors; distracting surroundings or scenery, bad weather; even the color of the walls in the room plays an important role: red is annoying, dark gray is depressing, yellow is relaxing, etc.
Types of listening
American communication researchers have identified four types of listening:
directional (critical) - the listener first critically analyzes the received message, and then tries to understand it. This is useful in cases where various kinds of decisions, projects, ideas, opinions, etc. are discussed, as it allows you to select the most useful information from a given point of view, but it is not very promising when new information is discussed, new knowledge is communicated, because , tuning in to the rejection of information (namely, this is what criticism implies), the listener will not be able to focus his attention on the valuable that it contains; with such a hearing, there is no interest in information; O
empathic - the listener “reads” feelings more than words. This is effective if the speaker evokes positive emotions in the listener, but is unpromising if the speaker evokes negative emotions in his own words;
non-reflexive listening involves minimal interference with the speaker's speech with maximum focus on it. This is useful in situations where the partner seeks to express his point of view, attitude to something, wants to discuss pressing issues, experiences negative emotions; when it is difficult for him to express in words what worries him or he is shy, unsure of himself;
Active (reflexive) listening is characterized by establishing feedback with the speaker through: questioning - a direct appeal to the speaker, which is carried out using a variety of questions; paraphrasing - stating the same thought in other words, so that the speaker can assess whether he was understood correctly; reflections of feelings, when the listener focuses not on the content of the message, but on the feelings and emotions that the speaker expresses; summarizing - summing up what was heard (summary), which makes it clear to the speaker that his main thoughts are understood and perceived.
Ability to listen to the interlocutor
success communication largely depends not only on the ability to convey information, but also on the ability to perceive it, i.e. listen.
One a wise man said that we have two ears and one mouth, and we need to use them in this proportion, i.e. listening twice as much as talking. In practice, it turns out the opposite.
The idea that you can listen in different ways, and “listen” and “hear” are not the same thing, is fixed in the Russian language by the very fact that there are different words for effective and ineffective listening. All owners of healthy and efficient hearing organs can hear, but in order to learn how to listen, training is needed.
Lack of listening skills is the main cause of ineffective communication, and it is this that leads to misunderstandings, mistakes and problems. With seeming simplicity (some people think that listening means just keeping quiet), listening is a complex process that requires significant psychological energy costs, certain skills and a general communicative culture.
There are two types of listening in the literature: non-reflexive and reflective.
Non-reflective listeningthis is the ability to be attentively silent, not interfering with the speech of the interlocutor with your remarks. Listening of this kind is especially useful when the interlocutor shows such deep feelings as anger or grief, is eager to express his point of view, wants to discuss pressing issues. Answers in non-reflective listening should be kept to a minimum such as “Yes!”, “Well, well!”, “Continue”, “Interesting”, etc.
In business, as in any other communication, a combination of non-reflective and reflective listening is important.Reflective listeningis the process of deciphering the meaning of messages. Reflexive answers help to find out the real meaning of the message, among which there are clarification, paraphrasing, reflection of feelings and summarizing.
Finding out is an appeal to the speaker for clarification using key phrases such as: "I did not understand", "What do you mean?", "Please clarify this", etc.
Paraphrasing- the speaker's own wording of the message to check its accuracy. Key phrases: "As I understand you...", "Do you think that...", "In your opinion...".
At reflection of feelingsthe emphasis is on the listener reflecting the emotional state of the speaker with the help of phrases: “You probably feel ...”, “You are somewhat upset ...”, etc.
When summarizing the main ideas and feelings of the speaker are summarized, for which the phrases are used: “Your main ideas, as I understand it, are ...”, “If you now summarize what you said, then ...”. Summarizing is appropriate in situations when discussing disagreements at the end of a conversation, during a long discussion of an issue, at the end of a conversation.
Common Listening Mistakes
Scattered attention.There is a misconception that you can do two things at the same time. For example, write a report and listen to your colleague. From time to time, you can nod, depicting attention to look into the eyes of the interlocutor. But attention is focused on the report, and the person only vaguely imagines what the interlocutor is talking about. You can avoid the distracted attention trap by prioritizing: choosing the activity that is more important.
Screening occurs when an opinion is formed in advance about what the interlocutor is trying to say. As a result, attention is drawn to only that information that confirms the first impression, and everything else is discarded as irrelevant or insignificant. You can avoid this trap only if you approach any conversation with an open mind, without making any initial suggestions and conclusions.
interruption interlocutor during his message. Most people interrupt each other unconsciously. Managers often interrupt subordinates, and men - women. When interrupting, you need to try to immediately restore the train of thought of the interlocutor.
Hasty objectionsoften arise when disagreeing with the statements of the speaker. Often a person does not listen, but mentally formulates an objection and waits for the turn to speak. Then he is carried away by the justification of his point of view and does not notice what the interlocutor was really trying to say.
Active listening should:
- stay open-minded. Any comments, especially of a critical nature, increase the interlocutor's reluctance to talk about problems that deeply affect him. This will also make it difficult to identify his real feelings, motives and needs;
- study the facial expression of the interlocutor, his gestures and posture, revealing the degree of his truthfulness;
- pay attention to the tone of the message. Any discrepancy between content and form may indicate deeply hidden feelings;
- listen to more than just words. Important parts of the message are often conveyed by pauses, emphasis, and hesitation. Long pauses and repetitions betray alarm;
- make it easier for reticent, shy, or slightly tongue-tied interlocutors by inserting encouraging comments into their monologues, such as “I understand”, “of course”. At the same time smile, look at the interlocutor and take an interested look;
- try to put yourself in the position of an interlocutor, look at the situation through his eyes and hear everything with his words;
- check your understanding of what you heard with the help of questions: “who?”, “what?”, “when?”, “where?”, “why?”, “how?”;
- use the PTS technique for additional ideas, information and comments. This means that you need to start with the Positive aspects of the interlocutor's proposal, then find the Interesting and only then turn to the Negative aspects of his ideas.
Building communication skills takes both time and patience.
Reflective listening is a type of active listening based on the logic of words and communication. Another, opposite direction is empathic listening, where the main goal is to understand the emotions of the interlocutor. Reflective listening is sometimes referred to as the "male" type of communication and finds its application in the business environment, where minimal distraction is allowed.
Practice shows that often only a small part of what is said finds understanding. It is not enough for the interlocutor to ask a question - you need to ensure that the interlocutor understands the question, and we understand the answer. This is what reflective listening is for.
This method is used in situations where interlocutors different level communication skills. For example, it is required to understand the meaning of the terms used or the context of the words vis-a-vis.
Reflective Listening Methods
In this type of listening, the same methods apply as in active listening. Namely:
Clarification . If what the counterparty said is not clear or can be interpreted in two ways, then it would be correct to directly request Additional information. To do this, it is enough to ask a direct question. For example:
“What do you mean by…?”
In addition to the fact that we receive additional information, we demonstrate that we are listening to the interlocutor. The interlocutor does not speak to himself, his words are heard. This can encourage you to talk more.
If we have little information, then an affirmative answer can be misinterpreted. For example, the interlocutor expresses concern about the preparation process for a certain project. If we try to support the counterpart without sufficient information, then this may tell him that we are on different wavelengths, we do not have an understanding. Instead, we ask clarifying questions about what exactly caused him such concern.
Paraphrase or paraphrase. This method involves repeating what the other person said in our own words. A paraphrase may begin with a question such as:
“Do I understand you correctly that…?”
We give feedback. We demonstrate that we hear the other person. And we have an understanding - whether this understanding can be assessed by a counterpart.
On the other hand, the paraphrase allows, if necessary, to absorb the negative on the part of the interlocutor. For example:
"I'm sad"
“In other words, you expected a different reaction, right?”
Echo or repeat. We simply repeat what was said by the interlocutor. On the one hand, we demonstrate attention to the words of another person. On the other hand, we give the interlocutor the opportunity to hear his own words and evaluate from the outside.
Summing up or summing up preliminary results . In this technique, we briefly sum up the results that we managed to come to. This approach makes it clear whether we are moving in the right direction. We can streamline the flow of thoughts and synchronize the overall understanding of the situation. Summaries are widely used in business, such as sales.
By its content reflective listening includes the ability to respond to another person by the occurrence empathy. Rogers (Rogers C. R.) and other authors consider empathy as an important element of psychotherapeutic interaction, as the most difficult way to perceive that one person is next to another, as human ability, based on the most recently involved part of the brain and acting as a force that balances expressed egocentric aspirations. The approach to the study of empathy is based on the analysis or consideration of verbal expression, and no direct way measuring how deeply a person feels the experiences of another. Despite the importance of the bodily sensations that arise in this case, they are, however, difficult to measure. There are some similarities between empathic relationships and those states that arise during meditation. Rogers provides evidence that the ability to empathize is not related to professional academic or practical training.
Reflective listening has been studied and taught not only in the context of psychotherapy. Parents were taught this as a means of maintaining an open and trusting relationship with their own children. It is noted that a more empathetic teacher has students more involved in educational process. Listening always includes the experience of a special relationship to the speaker, the acceptance of the content that the speaker is trying to comprehend, to realize. The listener supports the speaker in his desire to consider, analyze the situation from all sides and make a decision, but he himself is in no hurry with advice and suggestions on how and what to do in certain situations and situations. As Rogers has repeatedly said, the listener does not diagnose or evaluate.
The Purpose of Reflective Listening- to be in the world of feelings of another, and not to involve him in his own world. In other words, this is a way of being with another person that benefits the latter. What is it? It is assumed that the feelings and thoughts of the speaker in the process of listening can change in such a way that he can solve his problems, experience insight, relieve internal tension, find answers to his questions and overcome his own inconsistency.
Gendlin's concept of personality change (E. T. Gendlin) provides a basis for such expectations and assumptions and clarifies the nature of this kind of listening process. His work sheds light on an object listening, but not on what exactly the individual listened to, but on the nature of those personal processes that are stimulated in this way.
According to Gendlin, "bodyly felt sense" (bodily feeling) is the basic material of personality. This bodily feeling is more complete than what a person perceives consciously. It includes everything that a person feels in this moment, even if it is obscure and sublimated. The "Bodily felt sense" of the speaker is a constantly changing, not a static object that the listener listens to. R. s. includes the perspective of interaction that allows the other interlocutor to experience and feel their ability to solve problems, identifying their own part of the contribution that they make to creating interpersonal difficulties, while strengthening self-esteem and not downplaying their own experiences and needs. Relationships that include components of assessment, diagnostics and advice usually produce the opposite effect, i.e. stop the processes described above. Gendlin's works contain a hypothesis according to which the listener helps the other in a personal way, allows him to open up emotionally towards acquiring further inner experience and thus stimulates the processes of change, rather than fixing the experience.
The term "Reflective listening" is not the best metaphor, because it does not fully describe the process of understanding and getting into contact with another person. If empathy arises in the process of interaction, then this should be considered as an event, at the center of which is the emergence of intimate relationships.
