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business communication
In a period of economic growth, the inability to negotiate and gather around creative people has little effect on profits. She somehow grows and grows. After all, why pay HR managers then? Let them work. But in a crisis, the responsibility lies entirely with the manager, because the HR manager will not be able to conduct effective negotiations, say, on reducing salaries. And the financial director will not cope with the bank demanding the repayment of the debt.
The crisis of 2008 showed that the affairs of medium and small businesses went to dust largely due to the inability to negotiate. With a long phase of global economic instability ahead, the art of negotiation, especially when you are in a weak position, becomes a survival factor. Not everyone approaches a debt crisis, someone feels great and becomes king. But the kings, or rather, their orders and money, are not enough for everyone. The one who skillfully convinces wins.
What to do?
1. By any means, even prayers, create the mood of a successful entrepreneur. It is impossible to negotiate in hysteria and depression. Remember the elephant joke? “You can’t sell an elephant with such a mood!” is a good phrase. Therefore, no matter what happens, we relieve stress, even if tomorrow is the deadline for paying debts, and today we need to agree on money with investors. The same goes for searching. new job or investment, while passing the test. Nothing can be done in sadness.
Brief formula for approaching the topic in a personal crisis:
crisis → depression →
→ "died" → cheered up
→ we are negotiating
(everything in accelerated mode, otherwise you will go bankrupt).
2. Develop a wide menu of interesting offers for the other side. Broad, since the kings are different, and in Russia the subjective-psychological factor plays a greater role than in the West. Russian entrepreneurs tend to be biased towards many things, and this will have to be overcome by luring them into working together, like down the aisle, with love.
3. Identify potential stakeholders, the so-called
address group. To sell an idea, you need to know your consumption market and its solvent demand.
In an unpredictable and tough environment with an insufficiently powerful position in the market, it is foolish to play with muscles. The monsters won't notice, and the little ones will be offended. Just like puffing out your cheeks. Everyone is not up to you. And you, having found a potential customer, cannot lose. The situation is acute: starting opportunities do not give a chance to win, but it is impossible not to win. Your weight category is 60 kg, and your market partner is 100 kg. What to do? It's only in the movies that the wiry sprat defeats the shark. In life, he will definitely swallow. In such a situation, the East comes to the rescue, or rather, martial arts, and more precisely aikido - the art of using the enemy's strength in battle. The more aggressive the enemy, the better - we just return the energy of his own blow to him. In politics, I've always been a lightweight going up against super-heavyweights. There were no tough oligarchs behind me, no political clans, no liberal masses. I had to include the "Japanese" - polite, but persistent, Russian - sincere and simple-hearted, and, finally, my Armenian temperament. Thus, a personal style of negotiation was formed.
Aikido talks
So, aikido is the art of winning by being weaker. In this case, victory depends on:
1) the ability to return aggression, not putting a block, but letting it pass by. You are sensitive to your partner, like a partner in a dance. Maybe the role of a partner is unpleasant for men, well, then stand proudly at the wall ... without resources;
2) the ability to give the other party the freedom to make mistakes;
3) the ability to calculate the opponent's psychotype;
4) the ability to catch "your" wave in negotiations and sail on it, like on a board. The steeper the wave, the more interesting it is to slide on it.
You have probably already understood the basic rules for conducting such negotiations:
Forget about pride, which is not at all in the macho tradition. We are interested in the result, and not "show yourself";
We are not in a hurry, we are waiting for the wave;
We listen more, rather than talking, but we stimulate and support the conversation;
We enter the desired image. Well, for example: picture number 1. An investor in the cinema is sitting to himself, resting, and here we are. We approach, pull by the hand and whisper: “Let’s get out of here, I’ll show you this, it’s a hundred times more interesting!” - we erase, it's no good. Picture number 2: we sit down next to each other, watch a movie, make a couple of comments, the neighbor nods in agreement. After the session, we talk, discuss the film, take it by the arm, go out, and he does not notice how he is where we need to be. The key points are “sit next to” and “take the arm”, and not pull it. Good.
Aikido Methods
mirroring
Everyone now knows the vulgar methods of mirroring and uses them in a very funny way. Recently, while talking with a young man who wanted something from me, I noticed that he does not sit still, but spins all the time. And suddenly I realized! This is me spinning, and he repeats everything after me. I decided that he was a psychologist by profession. And so it turned out.
I am not a psychologist, therefore, understanding the importance of the mirroring method, that is, reflecting different psychological types, I developed my own approach.
If we summarize the types of a huge number of people I have met in my life, then we can conditionally distinguish five main ones.
1. Bonvivant, or epicurean, or hedonist.
Yes… All words are foreign. Simply put, a lover of a good life, indulging his weaknesses: food, drink, women, etc. A classic example: Boris Nemtsov.
2. Conditional officials - people are closed, thinking hierarchically, dry, speaking in cloth in short sentences. There is no need for examples here: they are everywhere and everywhere, and not only in the DECs or ministries, but also in business - most often petty kings.
3. Modern technocrats: a lot of foreign business vocabulary, similar to latest models smartphones (Dmitry Medvedev, Sergey Kiriyenko, Anatoly Chubais).
4. Creators, people obsessed with an idea, endowed with imagination, emotional (Evgeny Chichvarkin).
5. Players: change roles, combine several psychotypes (Vladimir Putin).
Who am I? I think a player who grew out of a creator. Of course, I wanted to remain a creator, but political life forced.
So, there are psychotypes. You can name others - it doesn't matter, just to guess the person. And how to “count” the psychotype if there is no time for preparation? You can try to do this by evaluating the manner of the interlocutor dressing. Bon vivant most often looks a little casual, even if expensive. There is some awkwardness in it: either the tie is off to one side, or the suit does not fit, even though it is from Armani, etc.
The official is dressed conservatively-strictly-nothing.
The creator most often reaches for bohemian details - these are scarves, knitwear, unexpected colors.
Technocrat is a 100% yuppie style example: expensive, energetic, fashionable and standard to the tips of the boots, as in the pictures of business advertising.
Why all this hassle? Yes, because, considering a person, it is easier to win him over, reflecting him, as in a mirror, and thus giving a sign: "I am mine."
In Russia, this technology is doomed to success, since the division into “friends and foes” plays a decisive role here when looking for a partner, more important than professionalism. It's a pity, of course. But what to do, you still need to work. And how to work? Mirror!
It is imperative to talk with an Epicurean about what he loves. If a person loves to eat and drink, then it is better to conduct negotiations in a good restaurant and take a lively part in the discussion of dishes and wine.
Talk to an official about business, and in his strange language, and immediately emphasize the benefits of your idea not for humanity, but for him personally.
It is easy to ignite the Creator by taking a swing at the scale of humanity. I remember young guys told me that they wanted to create a private institute for the training of modern programmers, so I even got to Putin with their papers, just like that, free of charge. Liked the idea very much.
With a technocrat, you can start a conversation right away with the essence of the matter: start-up price, profit, cost, etc.
With the player... You hit it. You were unlucky. It can be replayed only by being one step ahead in the reversal of roles.
The ability to win over in negotiations with foreigners is very important.
The French love France and their cuisine. If you do not talk with the French about his culture, it will be a mistake. And if you offer to cancel lunch at 12.30 - a disaster. It is necessary to dress with taste, not cheap, but not too expensive and catchy. The French love details.
Italians, on the contrary, respect peacocks and peacocks. Be fashionable, bright, imposing, joke, laugh - then you are yours.
Americans are technocrats. The essence of the matter must be stated quickly, accurately, to name the terms for making a profit, to say about the size of the market and the management model.
The Chinese are mercantile. Where there is money, there is happiness.
The Japanese are aliens. Smiles, long negotiations, goals are vague. If you press them directly and frankly, nothing will come of it. The Japanese respect you when you state what can be expressed in two words for half an hour, "digging" meanings into complex hints. Ooo! You are beginning to be appreciated. The main thing is not to be sincere and ingenuous. The Japanese will consider you as an individual, closer to the fauna than to human civilization.
Choice of place of negotiations
Now everyone knows about the place. Recently, my friend, frightened, said: “That's it! The deal won't go through!" "Why? I asked in surprise. “We have developed a scheme that is quite successful.” “Nothing will come of it! I'm going to their territory!"
What nonsense! We learned by heart at trainings or we play conspiracies. Everyone imagines video filming, fake waiters, eavesdropping, etc. Calmly. Forget Hollywood, all this is not at all in our tradition and not with our scale. Of course, meeting on neutral territory or at home is preferable. But even in this case it is easy to lose. A true fighter wins on someone else's site. So spit. But if you receive at home, then do not strain people, do not plant them in such a way that a blow is blown into their backs or their eyes are blinded. In aikido, you need partners to relax, and the degree of trust rises from the very first steps. Therefore, there is no need to build a king-father out of yourself, it is better to invite guests to take places at their request.
Time dragging method
No need to rush. I know for myself. So I want to move the argument to the argument, to show my knowledge of the issue, to achieve a result. And you need to pull the rubber, but do it lively and with interest. First, ask questions that will lead to some hobbies, find a common point, and sympathy will begin. Once the cooperation took place only because both businessmen, as it turned out, were interested in studying the family genealogical tree. And if in the beginning there were raspaltsovka and show-offs from a stronger side, then when a common interest was discovered, the intonation became completely different - human, and the conversation flowed ...
If you are given a choice, do not rush to say yes or no. Optimal answer: Good idea”(sat down next to me),“ We need to think about it ”(let’s go arm in arm for a walk ...). Once I was offered unbearable conditions for cooperation in the implementation of my film project. I agreed with the producer, announced that I needed to think, and started asking all sorts of different questions. Already at the end of the conversation, the producer himself refused these Conditions.
Ask questions and listen in agreement. Vladimir Putin, when he first became president and therefore was not very confident in himself, in order to win over his seasoned political interlocutor, asked the right questions and listened, pretending to even take notes. The heavyweight was thrilled!
The question is: why this toffee? Yes, then you need to relax, get used to it, consider the psychotype and wait until the conversation turns in your direction. Like the stock market. You are weaker, which means you are more attentive and patient.
And what to do if you are pressed against the wall: yes or no, here and now or never? In this case, prepare an external call like “my mother-in-law is mad” (joke) and get out. Never make a decision under pressure. Take a break. Copy the behavior of a man whose wife or mistress wants to "finally sort things out." What is he doing? That's right: it dissolves in the manner of Bulgakov's evil spirits - it seems that he was just here, and he is no longer there ...
The red elephant method
1. Give the other side what they want, and disguise your interests in small but key details. The history of capitalism in Russia is actually only one generation, so most successful businessmen are sick with an inferiority complex. This means that they do not hear anyone and bend their line. For example, many owners want to fully manage the entire project, including creative. If they agree to partner in someone else's project with someone who just doesn't have the required amount of investment, then they take everything. And you have experience, connections, creativity and responsibility. There is a conflict of interest.
Give him the role of manager. He will still not cope and will turn to you, and you will receive funding. You checkers or go, really?! Don't rush, go step by step! Life will put everything in its place. Start by setting yourself one task, not all at the same time. Greedy loses the last!
2. If your party is preparing a draft agreement, then clearly describe what you are ready to cede in whole or in part. And fight for these positions for a long time and painfully, exhausting the enemy. And, on the contrary, leave the most important thing for you at the end of the conversation and casually persuade your opponent to agree, since you have already “gone” a lot, as they say. We were in the minority in Parliament. To change the same draft tax code, our deputies bombarded the ruling party with millions of amendments, knowing that the majority would be rejected. After three to five hours of discussion, we stuffed something "passing". From fatigue, everyone voted “for”, and it was there that the main thing for us was contained.
By the way, if the project is being prepared by the other side, do not agree to discuss it “from the sight”. Get it in advance, put a lawyer in and ... work on the amendments began. Of course, in this case, you need to take a lawyer with you to negotiations, since the degree of tediousness will be so high that you will break down. And you can't break. The lawyer buzzes boringly, and at the end of each amendment you support him with the power of your charisma. If not, just nod your head. Your task is to emotionally incline in your direction.
red elephants are interests,
which you are willing to give up
but no one knows about it.
That's why they are red, which they occupy
a lot of places, and the most honorable.
Important little things
In difficult negotiations, do not neglect the details. It is impossible to calculate in advance what will “shoot”. All types of weapons must be ready.
1. Pay attention to your style: what if it is uncomfortable for the interlocutor? In this case, you need to find a compromise between your and his personalities. Pick the right glasses. Kind and not obscured. You will portray a rock star, if you want, in a nightclub.
2. Do not sit as if swallowed a yardstick, it strains both you and your opponent. It is better to sit comfortably, not fall apart and lean forward a little. It is not necessary to look into the eyes for a long time, you are not calling for a fight. But if you look sideways all the time or your eyes are running around, they will definitely take you for a swindler.
The main thing as a fashion model:
harmony for yourself and others
place yourself in space.
By the way, my acquaintance, a fashion photographer, noticed that not even all models master this art, and even businessmen are not good at all. And in vain - they lose a huge resource of influence on the interlocutor.
3. Once your hands are free, gesticulate occasionally. Do not gnaw caps, do not knock with a lighter, do not draw little men. This is how you show your excitement. Imagine that you are a kind Buddha and communicate.
4. Sex forever! I mean the exchange of energy between the sexes. Don't forget about him. No wonder in the famous film "Pretty Woman" with Richard Gere and Julia Roberts, the latter acted as an escort during business negotiations. You don't need to copy. There is a difference between the truth of cinema and the truth of life. But ... I had a case. In the US Congress, I was talking to a woman deputy from some distant state like Oklahoma or Arizona. It was impossible to “count” it, or, rather, on the contrary, too easy. A simple American village woman, ready to discuss the topic “Let's kill the men!”, But not the disarmament agenda between the United States and Russia. I was completely at a loss, but she was accompanied by two assistants, as if they had descended from the pages of GQ magazine or Men's Health. Under ninety meters, slanting fathoms in the shoulders, ideal Armani-type suits, each has an earring in his ear. Black is a specialist in domestic politics, white - on the outside. I was dumbfounded. According to Zverev, the star was shocked. I so wanted to talk to them! And we talked. Both turned out to be brilliant professionals. The deputy smiled happily and nodded her head during our intelligent conversation. We parted, satisfied with each other. Since then, a disgusting feeling of longing has not left me at the sight of our exhausted political functionaries. I would have such assistants, I would have turned mountains and turned rivers! Okay, I'm dreaming...
5. Regarding the voice, we have already agreed: the tone is lower, calm. Change intonation, pause, do not mumble monotonously. It all depends on who you're mirroring though. In the case of the "official" being boring is just the opposite, the path to success.
Hitting
Not all the same grace. During negotiations, your opponent may rudely attack you for two reasons: either for the purpose of provocation, to make you lose your balance, or for lack of restraint in nature. Hold on. Turn a little to the side, “let this hurricane pass by like a draft, count to five and answer calmly. For example: “Maybe you are right, but let's calm down. We have to work together." Or, smiling, reflect on the principle of “the fool himself” and translate everything into a joke, copying the aggressive intonation of the interlocutor. Patience! You will recoup when you are in your stream. If anger comes from his side, that's good, this is already the first mistake. The main thing is to wait until a meaningful mistake is made, and start your own active game in time.
It also happens that no matter how hard you try to weave a web, you feel that everything is useless. Then get ready and, realizing that you are ready to part, take the risk - strike a “hit in the jaw”. Rigid and uncompromising. Lean forward more strongly, reducing the space, intently, without breaking away, look into the eyes and “kill”.
TO Aikido has nothing to do with this technique. Remember:
"Punch in the jaw" - an extreme measure,
when there's nothing left to lose.
The main thing is not a blow, but exactly the moment caught
hopelessness of the situation.
And the last: Not all negotiations can be won. Not scary. Analyze the mistakes - your own, not your opponent's - and go again!
Chapter 4
TEAM
BUILDING
DAO
office syndrome
After graduating from the institute and graduate school, my office syndrome began to develop dramatically. Everything started small. At the Research Institute of the State Planning Commission, sitting at the table so that my back had to rest against the chair of a colleague in the department, I looked with envy at the separate office of the head. At the department of political economy of the university, having started my teaching career from the lowest level of an assistant, I fought for a separate table for a long time, but to no avail. Having already become an assistant professor, I still shared it with a colleague. And even in business, on the stock exchange with its huge areas, I did not get a separate office. Finally the light came through the window State Duma, but ... and here the expectations were in vain. I shared an office of 12 m 2 with my team of assistants. But she did not despair and worked hard. And my patience was rewarded. As a member of the federal government, I moved into a large office with a reception area. Then, after returning to parliament and becoming a vice-speaker, she settled in an even more pretentious office, in which every morning she enjoyed stroking a bunch of special communications phones that stood on a separate table. During periods when I fell out of power, like a chick from a nest, my husband urgently organized a private office with an office for me. He understood that without an office, the chick would die, it was urgent to equip a new nest ...
This happened in 2004 after the presidential campaign. For a year I worked in a private office, rented with great difficulty. All the tenants were shaking, thinking that inspection bodies would come after Khakamada. As always, the bravest woman turned out to be, by the way, a former doctor. Thanks to her, I found refuge, calmed down, but not for long. In 2005, the syndrome passed. Sharp and unexpected. I suddenly realized that I no longer want an office. I do not want to go there, waste time and money. I liked the idea of working from home, in my office. What about meetings? They can always be appointed in the nearest cafe. And the assistants? So it is even better for them to sit at home at the computer, combining work for me with other earnings or studies.
Within a week I closed my office, bought an office mobile phone, gave it to the secretary. I transferred everyone to a free schedule and ... the next day I woke up with a feeling of absolute freedom and an unusual feeling of “no one needs me”. The office syndrome has passed, but it was replaced by a slight emptiness. The stereotype of the organization of time and space broke down, but there was no replacement. In some nailed state, I started working at home. I met uncertainly in a cafe, looking around, composing something about repairs in the office ... But after six months, the “withdrawal” ended, and I felt good. There came a feeling of the mistress of the situation, densely settled in her life nest. All! Freelancing finally defeated office addiction. Now I enjoy watching how my assistant Irina, walking with me along Bolshaya Dmitrovka, answers on her mobile phone: “Hello! Office of Irina Khakamada, hello.
What are the benefits of becoming a freelancer?
Reduced the cost of maintaining its activities (writing books, participating in television and radio programs, conducting master classes throughout the country and the CIS, lecturing at universities);
I began to save time on moving around the city, freeing up additional hours for the child, hobbies and sports;
Gained new opportunities for self-expression in creativity, using the advantages of the Internet. “Woke up” on LiveJournal, YouTube, blogs and magazine columns.
Office in or office off?
Free lance - freelance. Accordingly, free lancer - freelancer - freelance worker. If you dig even deeper, then free lance is a “free spear”, that is, a free warrior or free hunter. I especially like the last definition. Went hunting in Big city. What you catch is yours. You know cherished places, paths, and sometimes you just accidentally attack game. The main thing is to shoot accurately, feel the beast and not get lost. If you don't want to, don't go hunting. You lie at home, suck your paw. Such is the mood. Or bad luck, nothing is caught ... Everything happens. But on the other hand, all days are different, varied and therefore interesting. Oh! Skidded again to the side ... So, there are two forms of out-of-office work.
1. Under an employment contract with a company. Most often, the activity is associated with the use of a computer. This is how editors, web designers, translators, accountants work.
2. Absolutely free professionals working for a fee (people of creative professions, business consultants, coaches, psychologists, trainers, massage therapists at home, and so on).
My psychologist friend worked at a private institution providing psychological help. Received decent money for a full time job. Then she quit and began to consult individually. The income is the same, but there is more free time. I finally took up the child closely, before he entered the university.
In any case, both forms are good in that you get money for the result, and not for the time spent in front of the bosses. On the other hand, there is no work team, corporate holidays and birthdays, field trainings, February 23 and March 8. If without these little "signature" joys you are unbearable, then it is better to choose office in.
In general, having faced the choice of “in” or “off”, first of all, you should listen to yourself in order to understand how close the advantages of free flight are to you and whether you are ready to accept its disadvantages. I have already described the benefits. This:
free schedule;
nobody teaches anything;
independence in making all decisions.
Now the cons:
no holidays, canteens, hospitals, sanatoriums, kindergartens and other benefits of corporate social protection;
no office clothes;
If all this does not bother you, then the next step: you need to figure out how your psychological type of personality corresponds to such work. Answer a few questions.
A) Are you ready for self-discipline? If already in the morning you are hung up
or in LiveJournal, or in bed, then soon everything will go wrong and for sure
you have to suck your paw.
B) Are you ready to take personal responsibility for the result or lack of it? This responsibility will be expressed quite concretely in the figures of your income. So you are ready to become the leader of your life?
C) Are you ready for the fact that it will be either thick or empty?
D) Are you confident enough in your professionalism to sell it on the labor market yourself?
E) Do you really know how to sell your professionalism?
After leaving politics, I tried to answer these questions for six months, especially the last two, since everything was fine with the first three. I thought and wrote the novel “Love is Out of the Game”… When I wrote it, I finally answered “yes” and developed three models for organizing my work.
1. I am the bearer of the profession and at the same time the base office: I myself do advertising, conclude contracts, do accounting, negotiate, organize meetings. It seems like a fantasy, but so many of my creative friends work this way.
2. I am the carrier of a creative product and I hire a team for outsourcing: an accountant, a PR person, an agent, and so on.
3. Mixed model is probably the most comfortable for me. I do everything that interests me from the first model, and I hire people based on the principle of minimizing costs. As a result, I needed ... two people.
I am my own publicist and agent. But others support and process received orders. So everything worked out. Not immediately, gradually, but I was in no hurry.
Started in 2006 new life: a strange alternation of complete silence and violent activity. Sometimes thick, and sometimes really empty. But the buzz for me is that now I really write my own melody, playing both black and white keys. Like this.
And finally, what helped me.
Patience and retention of energy on the way to the cherished dream. Do not go out quickly, but bring everything to a result, even if expressed in a different form.
Possession of an exceptional professional resource, but at the same time a flexible attitude towards the customer - to his requests regarding content and price.
The art of negotiation.
So, if you are tired of everything - go ahead! And if not, if you want to be a member of a corporation that is pleasant in every way?
A flock or a white crow?
In one of the issues of the magazine Esquire authors, scientists and creative people talked about "What will change everything." The artist Dmitry Gutov put forward an excellent, in my opinion, idea. The course of his reasoning was approximately as follows: 90% of the activities are absolutely meaningless, and 50% of them are actively harmful. Well, for example, horror films and other commercial husks on television. No one needs so many books, movies, jam or toothpaste. The most valuable thing is free time. Everything will change when all people, and not just artists, reach the “hands” and, throwing away the unnecessary, will free up time to manage it on their own. This will change everything.
This idea seemed wonderful to me, although I understand that its bearer is a person of a creative profession, a deep individualist. We argue further.
Many years ago, as a politician, I attended breakfast with Hillary Clinton. The first lady of America, having arrived in Russia, invited women involved in various social programs to attend. Everyone prepared to discuss gender issues, but Hillary surprised the guests. The tone of the conversation was asked by the following question: how to combine the individualism of the Western world, furthermore enhanced by the Internet, and the collectivism of Eastern civilizations, which is typical, for example, for China or Soviet Union? Indeed, in each model public behavior there are pluses and minuses, and harmony would help to avoid many social conflicts.
Indeed, who is, in essence, modern homo sapiens? Is a public person (according to Karl Marx) or an individual person (according to Sartre and other existentialists)? Or something third? (Chaos Theory.) Not without reason, according to Nezavisimaya Gazeta, the image of an individualist who defeats the system is embodied as a powerful myth precisely in Hollywood. Individualism is elevated to the level of a mass cult in order to establish a balance in relation to the order of existence of society, deftly formed by the elite. Simply put:
how to love your neighbor at a distance;
how to create a harmonious team?
How to fit into the corporate environment as an outsider
Corporations swallow and digest a huge amount of wage labor, including highly professional ones.
Some employees, having gone through a career meat grinder, move to the heights of top management, while others remain a standard semi-finished product for life. By the way, the latter are the majority. Corporations are akin to authoritarian regimes. They:
rely on the masses and not on the individual;
develop standard thinking;
strive for stability and predictability of personnel.
The corporation, like a big family, fosters the spirit of paternalism and requires the return of all forces, including personal-emotional ones. For this, the worker receives protection and the infrastructure of life. If you want to be free and maintain private space, then such a desire is contrary to corporate culture.
By the way, many experts believe that there is no obvious contradiction between collectivism and individualism. Social media on the Internet they demonstrate solidarity, that is, "collectivism from below", very powerfully, defending, for example, Yukos lawyer Bakhmina or fighting traffic police and flashing lights.
But what if you are built into the model of "collectivism from above", with its characteristic hierarchy of bosses and the despotism of standard role settings? Let's try to figure it out. For example, I am a deep individualist, but as a minister, I worked in a government corporation. And, having carefully studied her customs and customs, she tried not to swim against the current in the process of implementing her ideas. It turned out. Main:
don't give up ideas, but obey the unwritten rules.
Today I present to your attention an interview with Ekaterina Kalysheva with a candidate of economic sciences, associate professor, public figure and writer Irina Khakamada.
The world of business is entirely built on the ability to negotiate: somewhere to offer more favorable conditions, somewhere to smooth sharp corners personal charisma, somewhere to mention an influential patron, and somewhere to openly bluff. What to do if they try to impose unacceptable conditions on you? How to recognize the manipulation on the part of the opponent and use it for your own purposes? And what is the difference between the technique of negotiations with the Russians and the negotiations with the Americans and the Japanese?
How do the styles of negotiating with Russians, Asians and Westerners differ?
You need to negotiate with the Russians in such a way that it becomes absolutely clear to them that you do not need anything from them. Because as soon as you make it clear, for example, to your investor, that you need him, he will immediately doubt - do they want to cheat him and drag him into unnecessary and unjustified expenses? I had a case when a businessman was interested in financing my project. We met for negotiations, and for two hours I talked about anything - about cinema, about literature, about politics - but not about my project. When, finally, a potential investor asked me about the project, I simply gave him the folder with the developments. As a result, we then cooperated very well.
You need to work with the Americans differently - quickly and clearly: state the thesis of your project, clearly answer questions. Americans don't tend to take too long to make a decision, so you can get approval or rejection in the first ten minutes of a negotiation. Asians are more difficult. If they are Japanese, you will have to play a tricky conversation, curtseying towards their national culture. Smiles, mutual praise, long negotiations, goals disguised. Express your thoughts as veiled as possible, otherwise your partners will consider you a primitive interlocutor. If you happen to negotiate with the Chinese, here you need to focus on the monetary profit that this project promises them. The Chinese are quite mercantile, where there is money, there is happiness.
How to influence the emotional state of the interlocutor and arouse sympathy?
There are several important tricks. One of them is mirroring. First you need to determine the psychotype of the interlocutor. Conventionally, five such types can be distinguished. The epicurean is a lover of life: good food, drink, women, luxury. Such people dress expensively, but awkwardly, casually. Negotiations with the Epicureans should be conducted in a good restaurant, discussing dishes, wine, etc.
Officials are rather closed people, they think hierarchically, they speak dryly, in short phrases. Dressed very conservatively. With such people, you need to speak their language, their phrases, highlighting the benefits that the project will bring not to humanity as a whole, but to them personally.
Technocrats use English business vocabulary, they always have the latest smartphones, expensive tablets. With them, you need to go straight to the heart of the matter: the price of this startup, profit, cost…
There are creators - people who are downright obsessed with some idea, very emotional, with great imagination. You can talk with the creator on a large scale, aiming at changing the world, no less!
If you happen to negotiate with the player, then you will have to work hard. These people are able to combine several psychotypes, alternating them depending on the specific situation. And here you need to be one step ahead of the interlocutor in changing roles. This is the only way to beat the player.
For the rest, ask questions that will eventually lead to what you have in common with this person. Find a common ground, sympathy will start. The main thing is not to be too fixated on yourself, but to be sincerely interested in the interlocutor (while sympathizing with him is not necessary) and notice the details.
What to do if partners impose unfavorable conditions during the negotiation process?
The main thing is not to rush. Inexperienced negotiators often want to quickly respond with argument to argument, to demonstrate their knowledge of the issue. And you need to “pull the rubber”, but do it lively and interesting. If you are given a choice, do not rush to say "yes" or "no", take a break. Optimal response: “Good idea! I need to think it over." Ask questions, listen, agree. This is necessary so that both parties have the opportunity to relax, get used to it, consider the psychotype of the interlocutor and wait until the conversation turns in your direction. If you are weaker in negotiations, then it is you who should be more attentive and patient. If you are "pinned to the wall" and demanded to make a decision here and now, leave the negotiations under any plausible pretext. Never make a decision under pressure.
There is another technique that I call the “red elephant method”. Red bishops are conditions that you are ready to refuse, but your opponent does not know about it. Give the other side what they want, and disguise your interests in small but key details. If your opponents are preparing a draft agreement, describe what you are willing to concede. And then fight for these positions to the death, exhausting the enemy. And leave the most important thing for you at the end, inducing the interlocutor to agree: after all, you have already lost so much!
How to recognize manipulation? And then how to use it for your own purposes?
You need to carefully monitor the interlocutor and respond to his manipulation with the same manipulation. For example, you arranged a one-on-one meeting with a future partner to discuss your project. And he comes to the meeting accompanied by two more people, introducing them as his assistant secretaries. And you suspect that these are not secretaries, but a lawyer and a psychologist who, in the course of negotiations, write notes to your opponent with advice. Don't get lost! Next time, bring your specialists, introducing them as assistants with whom you must go to the next meeting during the day. If your interlocutor is inclined to "squeeze" you in exhausting negotiations, take an experienced lawyer with you who will not allow your opponent to include small but ambiguous clauses in the contract. If you cannot independently determine what your interlocutor is like, take a psychologist with you. This is a fairly common practice in the West. If you are a man and you are negotiating with men over a cocktail, you can take an attractive companion with you as an escort. Your partners will be distracted, giving you a few points head start.
What to do if you are obviously weaker in negotiations? For example, if you are from a marginalized minority or a woman among men?
The world is still patriarchal, so a woman is rarely perceived as an authority. Do smarter: negotiate, referring to an authoritative man in this environment. For example: “Colleagues, I want to present you this project. Steve Jobs once did something similar…” You can also change your behavior dramatically. You just twittered about the weather and shopping, but now, in a businesslike tone, you are finally proposing to get down to business.
In the rest - do not crush the interlocutor. Try to bring yourself into such an internal state when your emotions do not depend on whether these negotiations will be successful or not. For example, I advise my students to do this exercise: to think through the next two days after the negotiations failed. Imagine how you leave the hall, call your wife / husband, smoke a cigarette, return home, read a book ... In a word, so that you understand that after unsuccessful negotiations, life will continue. And then rewind this picture back, like a film, and go to the negotiations.
What to do if the opponent is openly aggressively behaving?
There are two reasons for rudeness in negotiations: either for the purpose of provocation, so that you lose your balance, or simply because of the intemperance of nature. In both cases, deviate slightly to the side, letting this “hurricane” pass you by, take a few breaths / exhalations and calmly answer: “Perhaps you are right. But let's not get emotional. We have to work together! ”Or you can turn everything into a joke, copying the aggressive intonations of the interlocutor. It happens that all your efforts are useless. Then be prepared for the fact that you will have to part with this interlocutor, and take risks - harshly and uncompromisingly, leaning forward and looking intently into your opponent's eyes, besiege him, threaten, bluff, if necessary. But this is already an extreme measure, when there is nothing to lose.
And the last thing: all negotiations cannot be won! It's OK. Analyze your mistakes and move forward again!
Six principles of aikido negotiation by Irina Khakamada"There is always a way out - you just need to buy time to find it"
Aikido is a Japanese martial art of self-defense. The weak and small defeat the strong big aggressor by turning his offensive power against him. Irina Khakamada, a well-known politician in the past and now an entrepreneur, successfully applies the principles of aikido in politics and business. Her advice is especially useful if you are a small start-up company, and negotiating partners are business sharks who reject all your offers out of the blue.
“I turned to aikido because I started to die in politics,” admits Irina Khakamada. I like your appearance, nationality, and so on... I realized that in the end I would not be able to withstand this flow of aggression and die, I would not reach my starry dream: to become president or at least vice-speaker.” (laughs). And then Irina remembered aikido. Its main principle is the economy of vital forces. You do not respond with aggression for aggression - this is certain death in the event of a collision with a stronger opponent. On the contrary, it is to your advantage to be attacked—and the more violently, the better. You win by taking advantage of someone else's aggression, returning to the enemy his own blows. Khakamada tried to transfer the principles of aikido into negotiation tactics and found that they work perfectly. Here is the result of her trial and error.
The red elephant method
When drafting a contract, enter the interests that you are ready to give up as the main paragraph. This point must be formulated very clearly, convexly, clearly and frankly - so that only it catches the eye. This is your red elephant. Then there are less important elephant points - in them you enter interests that you would not like to give up, but in extreme cases you are ready to give them up - not fatally. And what is vitally important for you should be formulated almost imperceptibly, modestly, as a technical detail. Bury it deep into the contract and discuss it at the very end of the negotiations.
Your task is to push the red bishops forward and bargain for them to the point of exhaustion. Play for time, exhaust your opponent. If you feel that you cannot cope alone, take a lawyer with you, he will take a hit while you are resting. When there is no strength left and everyone is tired, you say: “Listen, I gave in on the most important point, I gave in here and here. There was some nonsense, a technical detail. Let's sign already, I'm still small, and you are a big company, ”advises Khakamada.
Force majeure button
Never sign anything on the fly, on the knee - the contract must be read by lawyers. If you're pressed against the wall ("Sign now or never!"), don't give up. “Remember: in conditions of turbulence, everything is not the same as in ordinary life- there are not one or two exits, but many. Twice two is not four, but as many as you like,” Irina shares her experience. “Even in the most deplorable situation there is a way out, the main thing is not to rush, you need a pause to find it.”
To say at such a moment: give me time to think, means to anger partners even more. Negotiations go on for many hours, and he (she), you see, again needs time. At such a moment, it is best to break off negotiations, citing unforeseen circumstances. Press the force majeure button on your phone. You get a call - you need to urgently run. A fire in the office, an attack of angina pectoris in the mother-in-law, whatever. Better not even explain anything - jump up and run away. Partners understand: force majeure, and no one is offended by you. And you sit on the contract with your team until the morning and find a way out.
Womanizer, official, creator, manager, player
Analyze the behavior of those people with whom you most often deal in business, and formulate for yourself their main psychotypes. So you can quickly predict the behavior of partners and "mirror" them - to achieve what you need, starting from their interests. “Mirroring is not manipulation,” emphasizes Khakamada. “You don’t trick a person into eating meat if he is a vegetarian. Just offer him a menu where the main dish is his interests and benefits, and yours are packaged discreetly, in the form of a salad.
Here are five psychotypes of Irina Khakamada.
1. Bon vivant
This person loves the simple pleasures of life: food, alcohol, sex, rude humor. Most often, he has a swollen face, overweight, is dressed expensively, but sloppy. How to mirror it: become a bon vivant for a while too. Invite to a good restaurant, drink wine, talk about life, women, exchange a couple of jokes. Praise (sincerely), make compliments - bon vivants are vain. Bring along a beautiful assistant (or assistant if you have a female version of the bon vivant). Ready to sign a contract? Take my word for it, sign right there. Tomorrow he will forget about you and change his mind. In politics, a bright representative of this psychotype is Boris Nemtsov.
2. Official
He may not be an official by position, but he has bureaucratic thinking. He speaks in a boring nomenclature language, rather dry, slightly tongue-tied. Gray, little memorable appearance, dressed in no way - not expensive and not cheap, the tie usually sits crookedly. “In no case do not tell such a person that you are going to change the world for the better with your project,” Irina warns. “The official does not care about humanity, his motivation is material gain or career growth. That's where you start." Promise to help? You can not worry, he will keep his word and will not change his mind - not tomorrow, not in a month.
3. Creator
The opposite of an official. He speaks interestingly, with humor and figuratively, he is dressed with taste. There is always some bright non-standard detail (zest) in clothes - a handkerchief, a bracelet, etc. You can and should talk with it “about high” - how your business will help make life better for everyone. But don’t delay the contract either: tomorrow he may change his mind, a person of mood. Psychotype examples: Oleg Tinkov, Evgeny Chichvarkin.
"Remember: in conditions of turbulence, everything is not the same as in ordinary life - there are not one or two exits, but many"
4. Manager (technocrat)
WITH good education, always cheerful, fit, knows the answers to all questions. Speaks quickly, logically, technically. Uses a lot of economic and IT buzzwords, Americanisms in speech. He dresses very correctly - ad nauseam. State your position just as clearly: first, second, third, insert fashionable terms. Talking to him for a long time, tediously, “humanitarianly” is a crime. Demonstrate Knowledge foreign languages, terms. You can “buy” such a manager only with new interesting knowledge. Expand your lexicon- listen to the RBC channel. Psychotype examples: Mikhail Prokhorov, Dmitry Medvedev.
5. Player
It's hard to calculate. Dressed eclectically, with great taste - not quite a creator, not quite a manager, sometimes - an official. “It is very difficult to negotiate with such a person: you feel that he is slipping away, getting ahead of the curve, because he is a player like you,” says Irina. “My advice: do not contact the player when it comes to serious projects: rather everything, you will lose. If you still have to negotiate with such a partner, take more pauses, do not rush, relax and act more on intuition. If your reaction speed is faster than his, there is a chance to win.”
Half of the deals that are beneficial for both parties fail, because entrepreneurs are hindered by ambitions, vanity haunts: “But I told him everything!” In aikido negotiation, you solve problems without putting your opponent or yourself down. Here is an example from life. The son of my friend, a student, created a conflict from scratch. The teacher at the lesson turned to him: “Wet a rag, wash the blackboard and write me a couple of formulas.” The young man replied: “According to our Constitution, I free man And you don't have to clean the board. When it is ready, I will write. The teacher hated him for such impudence.
How could one enter the style of aikido? To say with a smile: “According to our Constitution, I am not actually obliged to wet the rag or wipe the board, but this time I will do it solely for the sake of you and respect for the subject.” You complimented the subject and did not offend the teacher, but hinted that it was none of your business. Removed the conflict and retained self-esteem. Will you be contacted next time with such a request? Hardly.
Talk less - listen more carefully
Your job in aikido negotiation is to talk less and give your opponent a chance to talk. If you feel that he “caught the wave”: he speaks brilliantly, confidently, strongly, and you don’t know how to argue, all the more be silent and wait patiently. At some point, he will make a mistake, and you can catch on to his mistake and turn it into your dividends. So let the interlocutor make all the mistakes he can. You need to be very calm, patient, relaxed, so as not to miss the moment when your time comes and it's your turn to “run into”.
“An example from my practice. When I entered the leadership of the SPS party, I was wildly infuriated that no one there considered my opinion. Kiriyenko, Chubais, Gaidar, Nemtsov and others will argue, shout, discuss, but they remember me only when they need to sign a document. I tried to interrupt with my voice - they do not hear. As a result, she found a way: she let everyone talk, was silent and waited patiently. In the end, they got tired and turned to me: “Ir, do you agree?” Here I calmly say: “You were stunned (Irina Khakamada used an obscene word here - DS)”. And I take a big break. And everyone gets scared. Or maybe really? Because it is short, without any hysterics. “Yes, what are you? What do you mean?" At this moment, you need to clearly and quickly say your own: one, two, three, otherwise they will stop listening again.
I am Buddha
It is difficult for newcomers to negotiate, especially if you are an explosive choleric or, on the contrary, a gloomy closed introvert. We do not ask the right questions, we are afraid to talk about abstract topics, we cannot joke. Then you need to enter the image - it will create the necessary energy and help not to spill it, it will be easier for you to concentrate and relax. “In the negotiations, I imagine myself as a Buddha, one hand is outstretched, palm up — I am open, friendly and ready for negotiations. The other hand is in a defensive position. When they begin to insult me and lower me below the plinth, I mentally put forward my defense hand, with the other hand I intercept the flow of aggression and send it past me. Then, at the moment when the enemy makes a mistake, I bring down this stream on him with a smile - I take advantage of his miss. Other suitable aikido images: Harry Potter, soft and powerful panther, imperturbable samurai. The image should give protection, strength, but not provoke aggression, you should feel comfortable in it.
Short tips after
Sit in a half turn to the partner, not opposite and not sideways. Psychologically, it is easier to maintain contact and at the same time let through negative words, the aggressive energy of the interlocutor. “If you sit opposite, you will accept everything with your heart,” Irina warns. In moments when they say unpleasant things or even insult, humiliate, you need to turn around even more. This will help to relax and internally move away from the negotiation process, to quickly restore peace of mind.
Look the interlocutor in the eye, but it's not worth it to drill it with your eyes all the time. “If you are a bespectacled person, make sure that the glasses have a “good” frame,” Irina advises. “Thin gold or black looks aggressive. Glasses should be as large as possible, horn frames in warm brown tones, earthy colors - it calms. Turn off your phone and don't look at your watch - it's annoying.
Smile just a little Even if you say nasty things, a smile is disarming. An angry face shows that you are nervous. “I have a naturally hard expression on my face, and it’s hard to smile, but I learned,” admits Irina. “You need to learn to laugh at yourself and at others, the only way you can survive. If the jaw stubbornly does not relax, clamp ... the pelvis! The body is designed in such a way that it can simultaneously strain only one muscle group. This is a professional secret of photographers. The last resort on the set when the model is too tight and nothing helps.
Gather as much information as possible in advance about partners via the Internet and from acquaintances: where you were born, marital status, hobbies, etc. In a conversation, you can use this data so that a person quickly gains confidence in you (compatriots, children of the same age, the same hobby, etc.) . It very well reduces the degree of tension and evokes warm feelings of humor, even better - self-irony, but not self-abasement in the spirit of "where can we go."
Seat partners in the meeting room in a way that suits them. Be sure to put hot coffee, tea, cookies (sweets, fruits), water on the table. In the city everyone gets tired quickly, the throat dries up. Smokers should be able to go out occasionally to smoke. Remember, in aikido, kindness is your main weapon and defense.
Irina Khakamada
Aikido is a martial art based on the use of the opponent's strength. Often there is a moment in negotiations when the parties move to manipulation or attacks. What does the person being attacked do? Defensive. It turns out protection through excuses. Surely you have heard the expression "if you make excuses, then you are guilty." It turns out, justifying ourselves, we become guilty, in other words - weak side spore
We don't make excuses and we don't fight
To avoid a situation in which you find yourself in a position of blame, do not argue with your opponent. Alternative: use the power of the opponent's words in your direction through the “opposite or vice versa” technique + our position. Examples of using:
Yours is very expensive.
On the contrary, most of our clients note that with such a set of services, our prices are lower than competitors.
Your company is not fulfilling its obligations under the contract.
Your company is not paying on time.
On the contrary, our company strictly adheres to all payment schedules, and at the same time requires our partners to do the same, otherwise companies like…
Creature trembling or have the right?
To elevate themselves above the opponent, one party (more often a potential client, current client or partner) uses emotional attacks. In such a situation, you need to choose: either endure and, possibly, lose face, or not let yourself be offended.
If everything is clear with “endure”, and this means being, in fact, a “pear” for someone else's outburst of emotions, then how not to let yourself be offended? We use techniques in the style of aikido - we will try to turn the opponent's strength against him by throwing or redirecting energy.
Note - you need to understand that we are talking about a situation where the opponent's attacks are not related to the real situation in your company, and you are firmly convinced that his arguments are fiction or rumors.
"Energy Redirection" - soft reception
On the contrary, our company strictly complies with all the terms of contracts with counterparties, which is confirmed by working with companies such as…
You are talking nonsense, I read on the Internet that you are not fulfilling your obligations ...
Alas, we got carried away by criticizing each other, as a result of which we made it more difficult to achieve the set goals of the negotiations. I propose to return to the topic of discussion.
"Throw" - hard reception
Your company is not fulfilling its obligations under the contract!
On the contrary, our company strictly complies with the terms of contracts with counterparties, which is confirmed by working with companies such as…
Why are you composing here, I read on the Internet and heard from many people that you are not fulfilling your obligations ...
Your statements are directed against achieving the goals of the negotiations. Please stick to the topic of discussion, otherwise I will stop the meeting.
"Throw" gives the opponent a direct signal to stop attacking. At the same time, it is not necessary to find out where the opponent got such information from. With the help of the "throw" we devalue this information and take the conversation in the direction where everything is built by us.
Outcome
Negotiations should not be taken as a fight. The best strategy is "win-win", when both sides win. If a situation arises when one side wants to leave the other a loser, and using it on emotional pressure, do not go ahead. When you give in to emotions, you increase the risk of losing.
Use your opponent's strength against him. If the "attack" continues, redirect energy or use a hard throw. If the opponent does not stop, it is better to stop the meeting: after all, if he allows such “attacks” now, then what will happen during further work?
And remember - you are a specialist, and do not let yourself be offended.
The business world is entirely built on the opportunity to agree: somewhere to offer more favorable conditions, somewhere to smooth out sharp corners with personal charisma, somewhere to mention an influential patron, and somewhere to openly bluff. What to do if they try to impose unacceptable conditions on you? How to recognize the manipulation on the part of the opponent and use it for your own purposes? And what is the difference between the technique of negotiations with the Russians and the negotiations with the Americans and the Japanese? Irina Khakamada, the author of the master class "Aikido of Business Negotiations" and the book "Tao of Life", tells the RBG correspondent about this and many other things.
- How do the styles of negotiating with Russians, Asians and Westerners differ?
You need to negotiate with the Russians in such a way that it becomes absolutely clear to them that you do not need anything from them. Because as soon as you make it clear, for example, to your investor, that you need him, he will immediately doubt - do they want to cheat him and drag him into unnecessary and unjustified expenses? I had a case when a businessman was interested in financing my project. We met for negotiations, and for two hours I talked about anything - about cinema, about literature, about politics - but not about my project. When, finally, a potential investor asked me about the project, I simply gave him the folder with the developments. As a result, we then cooperated very well.
You need to work with the Americans differently - quickly and clearly: state the thesis of your project, clearly answer questions. Americans don't tend to take too long to make a decision, so you can get approval or rejection in the first ten minutes of a negotiation. Asians are more difficult. If they are Japanese, you will have to play a tricky conversation, curtseying towards their national culture. Smiles, mutual praise, long negotiations, goals disguised. Express your thoughts as veiled as possible, otherwise your partners will consider you a primitive interlocutor. If you happen to negotiate with the Chinese, here you need to focus on the monetary profit that this project promises them. The Chinese are quite mercantile, where there is money, there is happiness.
- How to influence the emotional state of the interlocutor and arouse sympathy?
There are several important tricks. One of them is mirroring. First you need to determine the psychotype of the interlocutor. Conventionally, five such types can be distinguished. The epicurean is a lover of life: good food, drink, women, luxury. Such people dress expensively, but awkwardly, casually. Negotiations with the Epicureans should be conducted in a good restaurant, discussing dishes, wine, etc.
Officials are rather closed people, they think hierarchically, they speak dryly, in short phrases. Dressed very conservatively. With such people, you need to speak their language, their phrases, highlighting the benefits that the project will bring not to humanity as a whole, but to them personally.
Technocrats use English business vocabulary, they always have the latest smartphones, expensive tablets. With them, you need to go straight to the heart of the matter: the price of this startup, profit, cost...
There are creators - people who are downright obsessed with some idea, very emotional, with great imagination. You can talk with the creator on a large scale, aiming at changing the world, no less!
If you happen to negotiate with the player, then you will have to work hard. These people are able to combine several psychotypes, alternating them depending on the specific situation. And here you need to be one step ahead of the interlocutor in changing roles. This is the only way to beat the player.
For the rest, ask questions that will eventually lead to what you have in common with this person. Find a common ground, sympathy will start. The main thing is not to be too fixated on yourself, but to be sincerely interested in the interlocutor (while sympathizing with him is not necessary) and notice the details.
- What to do if partners impose unfavorable conditions during the negotiation process?
The main thing is not to rush. Inexperienced negotiators often want to quickly respond with argument to argument, to demonstrate their knowledge of the issue. And you need to "pull the rubber", but do it lively and interesting. If you are given a choice, do not rush to say "yes" or "no", take a break. Optimal response: "Good idea! I need to think it over." Ask questions, listen, agree. This is necessary so that both parties have the opportunity to relax, get used to it, consider the psychotype of the interlocutor and wait until the conversation turns in your direction. If you are weaker in negotiations, then it is you who should be more attentive and patient. If you are "pinned to the wall" and demanded to make a decision here and now, leave the negotiations under any plausible pretext. Never make a decision under pressure.
There is another trick that I call "the method of red elephants". Red bishops are conditions that you are ready to refuse, but your opponent does not know about it. Give the other side what they want, and disguise your interests in small but key details. If your opponents are preparing a draft agreement, describe what you are willing to concede. And then fight for these positions to the death, exhausting the enemy. And leave the most important thing for you at the end, inducing the interlocutor to agree: after all, you have already lost so much!
- How to recognize manipulation? And then how to use it for your own purposes?
You need to carefully monitor the interlocutor and respond to his manipulation with the same manipulation. For example, you arranged a one-on-one meeting with a future partner to discuss your project. And he comes to the meeting accompanied by two more people, introducing them as his assistant secretaries. And you suspect that these are not secretaries, but a lawyer and a psychologist who, in the course of negotiations, write notes to your opponent with advice. Don't get lost! Next time, bring your specialists, introducing them as assistants with whom you must go to the next meeting during the day. If your interlocutor is inclined to "squeeze" you in exhausting negotiations, take an experienced lawyer with you who will not allow your opponent to include small but ambiguous clauses in the contract. If you cannot independently determine what your interlocutor is like, take a psychologist with you. This is a fairly common practice in the West. If you are a man and you are negotiating with men over a cocktail, you can take an attractive companion with you as an escort. Your partners will be distracted, giving you a few points head start.
What to do if you are obviously weaker in negotiations? For example, if you are from a marginalized minority or a woman among men?
The world is still patriarchal, so a woman is rarely perceived as an authority. Do smarter: negotiate, referring to an authoritative man in this environment. For example: "Colleagues, I want to introduce you to this project. Once Steve Jobs did something similar ..." You can also dramatically change the style of behavior. You just twittered about the weather and shopping, but now, in a businesslike tone, you are finally proposing to get down to business.
In the rest - do not crush the interlocutor. Try to bring yourself into such an internal state when your emotions do not depend on whether these negotiations will be successful or not. For example, I advise my students to do this exercise: to think through the next two days after the negotiations failed. Imagine how you leave the hall, call your wife / husband, smoke a cigarette, return home, read a book ... In a word, so that you understand that after unsuccessful negotiations, life will continue. And then rewind this picture back, like a film, and go to the negotiations.
- What to do if the opponent behaves openly aggressively?
There are two reasons for rudeness in negotiations: either for the purpose of provocation, so that you lose your balance, or simply because of the intemperance of nature. In both cases, deviate a little to the side, letting this "hurricane" pass you by, take a few breaths / exhalations and calmly answer: "Perhaps you are right. But let's not give in to emotions. We should work together!" Or you can turn everything into a joke, copying the aggressive intonations of the interlocutor. It happens that all your efforts are useless. Then be prepared for the fact that you will have to part with this interlocutor, and take risks - harshly and uncompromisingly, leaning forward and looking intently into your opponent's eyes, besiege him, threaten, bluff, if necessary. But this is already an extreme measure, when there is nothing to lose.
And the last thing: all negotiations cannot be won! It's OK. Analyze your mistakes and move forward again!
