My 15 year old son can't leave the house

Asked by: Marina

Gender: Male

Age: 15

Chronic diseases: Goal cyst. Brain, bronchial asthma (remission)

Hello, Son after stress (in 9th grade they moved from bad school I didn’t do it well, I decided to go back - they didn’t take it, I wrote a test for 3 points in another school - they didn’t take it - they insulted me, all this against the background of a divorce and separation of parents) I didn’t go to the old school, the commission on juvenile affairs joined in - in short intimidated.) at first he closed himself in the room, moved the furniture, lay under the covers, now he communicates normally with his father, me, but he never went to school, he was transferred to self-study. And for two months now he has not left the house and is not going to. If you talk about it, excuses begin a little strange, then, almost crying, he goes into the room again closes with anger and barricades the door. Doesn't say reasons. At this time, he either watches anime series on a tablet, or plays a computer, but alone, and if he is in a normal mood, he plays and talks with the guys on Skype, but really only through a microphone. We drink negrustin, magne B6, pantogam, glycine, vitamins for a week. He does not sleep at night, wakes up at two o'clock in the afternoon. The windows open wide, he says it's hot, but it's really hot in our apartment, but when my brother called him to the skating rink, he had an excuse that he would be hot there, it seemed strange to me. But in a good mood, he jokes. I studied average, but there is potential in mathematics and physics. He does not seek to study, sometimes he studies with his father. What to do? He will not go to the doctor, forcibly too. . Not for any gifts. We have a bad heredity of grandfathers. In addition, two years ago, on our own initiative, we did an MRI of the goal. The brain, for the reason that it was often bad, turned pale, vomiting, dizziness, motion sickness in transport. The doctors hadn't found anything before. MRI showed an achronoid cyst of the middle cranial fossa 4*5 cm. Our neuropathologist does not know what to do with this, we did not go to a neurosurgeon. In addition, he has bronchial asthma since the age of 4. The son is at home, he was afraid to go to school from childhood, he was born 7 months old, at school from 6.5 years old. What is this? What does it look like: schizophrenia, depression, panic attacks? He also talks only about the computer and food. In general, fears from the 1st grade, but even when I was still going to school, I went to the cinema with a friend, but when strangers came to the apartment (for example, a plumber) he locked himself in his room with a key. At my request, it will open and after I leave the room it will close again. Today, after I tried to ask what was happening to him, what was bothering him, why he couldn’t go outside, even to the elevator, he ran back to his room, closed himself, dragged the furniture, lay down, didn’t talk.

How to get rid of addiction - we eat all the wooden surfaces of furniture, skirting boards, handrails From the age of 10, I noticed that my daughter Masha ate (not chewed) pencils. Then the scale became larger, that is, it was a mezzanine, a desk, in general, everything was wooden. We went to various doctors. Apart from the obsession syndrome, no other diagnosis was made. They even resorted to non-traditional methods of treatment. In general, everything is still actively going on. Please help, I don't know what to do or who to contact.

1 answer

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Hello Marina.
To understand what is happening to a person, whether it is a reaction to stress, an acute or chronic mental state, is possible only with an internal examination by a psychiatrist-psychotherapist.
To avoid further dispensary observation by a psychiatrist, you can contact a private psychiatric clinic or a private psychiatrist-psychotherapist. This will keep everything social rights. It is impossible to assess the condition through the Internet, and even more so to give any specific recommendations.

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asks: Lana

Hello, my 14-year-old nephew lives with his grandfather, he is a very inhibited and anxious child, and in Lately after the death of the grandmother who raised him, he generally refuses to leave the house on business. He only goes to school, to training, and if he really wants to go somewhere. And the rest of the time he refuses to go to visit, to the store, to the cinema or for walks with us, citing the fact that everyone on the street laughs at him. He deliberately behaves like a robot, does not look around, does not walk relaxed and tries not to attract attention to himself because he was offended at school. can go outside. Advise what to do with him if he really believes that everyone is laughing at him. How to dissuade him, or maybe this is just an excuse, so that they lag behind him, then what to do?

Answers and advice from psychologists

Lana, obviously you need to take the young man to a psychologist. It can be age problems, or it can be character problems. Perhaps the psychologist will advise you to go to a psychiatrist. The matter, indeed, is aggravated by the fact that the boy experienced a loss, his problems may worsen against this background. Help him trust a good psychologist.

Psychologist

Hello, let's get acquainted! I am a practicing psychologist. I came to psychology consciously. Ever since school, it so happened that all my girlfriends came to me with pain and I always wanted to somehow help and support them. Over the years, this has become my favorite profession and job. Before I started helping people, I came a long way: training and my own psychotherapy. I continue to improve my skills by participating in scientific conferences and am a full member of the Association of Existential-Analytical Psychologists and Psychotherapists. My work experience is over 10 years. And during this time I worked? both with children and adults, including providing emergency psychological assistance. I use both short-term problem-solving counseling and long-term therapy for specific conditions or self-discovery. How are the meetings going? At the initial consultation, I will carefully listen to you and together we will determine the ways to solve your problem. If continuation is required, we will discuss the format of our work together and will be able to agree on the best convenient option for you. Below I will briefly list the help that I am ready to provide you: psychological help for anxiety; psychological help with fears; overcoming depression; difficulties in interpersonal relationships; separation difficulties; divorce; development and education of children; problems of "left-handedness" in children; self-acceptance problems psychological assistance in case of violence; experiencing feelings of loneliness; loss of meaning; and etc.

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Good afternoon Lana! The boy needs help. He can't handle this situation on his own. It will not work to dissuade, you need to understand what exactly is happening to him. Most likely he has a very strong anxiety and he tries to drown it out by taking ridiculous actions that hurt him even more. But you need to talk to the boy. In addition, he was faced with the death of a loved one, and here he needs help to survive grief, to live through this loss.

Psychologist

Practical psychologist, trainer, coach. over 15 years of successful practice. I individually select techniques and tools for each client. I identify the root causes of problems, subconscious fears and destructive beliefs.

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Hello Lana!
It turns out that the boy behaves in such a way that attracts the attention of others and even provokes ridicule. And the fact that they laugh at him is not his fiction, but the real situation, only exaggerated in his eyes. It seems that the teenager has found a way to adapt with his features as much as it was available to him, while he can only interact with the outside world in this way.

Sincerely,

Elena Pustovoitova

Psychologist-hypnologist

Psychologist - hypnologist. I'm leading private practice since 2007. At the heart of my work I use the system-phenomenological method, neuro-linguistic programming techniques, hypnosis. I pay attention individual characteristics the person who has addressed to me, and depending on it, I apply this or that psychotherapeutic method. More often I use the integration of methods and techniques in my work. This gives good results to my clients. An individual approach to a person, to the subtle facets of his personality, the maximum connection with his feelings and experiences, the rejection of any patterns in working with each specific person - this is the fundamental principle of my work. I conduct individual consultations in the format of a letter or a personal meeting. Working with a group is a living exchange of love energy, life experience, knowledge and professionalism. Ask for help. Do not keep the problem in yourself for a long time, do not accumulate tension in the body until serious illnesses. Let go of the heavy. During psychotherapeutic work, you are expected interesting discoveries, in which you will find out that a lot of things turn out to be completely different from what you thought. You will discover yourself from a new, hitherto unknown side. Get good living energy. You will feel new desires in yourself. Much begins to change in life from the moment of renewal of the energy resource of the body and psyche. Without results, as a rule, no one leaves. You will spend money not in vain, you will exchange it or buy yourself a new resource state for it, which is more expensive than just a good suit. It is a liberation from old hardened obsolete problems and stories. In your new image of the resource state, you will see how the world begins to change colors, how another life opens up ahead, more pleasant, more interesting, more joyful. And isn't that the purpose of your visit to me?! Make up your mind, write, come, try to change your life at all costs, if you feel bad, if you have lost, lost your joy. After all, this is your life, and it goes on, and it is worth taking care of. And I will help you with this.

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Lana, it's like social phobia, what you're describing. The boy needs a lot of attention, sensitivity, care. Try not to force, in any case not to criticize, not to scare, but only stories and examples about other boys who were like that at his age, and when they grew up they gradually made themselves stronger, and they succeeded. If you manage to somehow convince him to go to a psychologist, find him a specialist, tell him that this will help him, and that this is just a confidential conversation in order to make him stronger, more secure, more confident. It would be nice for such a boy to look for a friend himself, introduce him unobtrusively, in order to gradually give him a little more confidence than he currently has. The age is already decent, so it’s better to act a little with a trick in good sense words. You can, for example, try to talk about whether it would be interesting for him to do some kind of wrestling in the gym? And maybe go to the gym, talk to the coach, and ask the boy to somehow be invited to the gym, that, they say, we need such guys, etc.

In general, a small theater is needed to really help. To give a teenager a practical skill of successful interaction with people. But since he himself will not go. Here you need to resort to such tricks for his benefit.

Consultation

Hello! My name is Tatyana. We have a big

problem with my son (22 years old). I want to know what perspective awaits us.

Our son was non-contact, unsociable from childhood. IN

sat in the garden, huddled in a corner. did not interact with the children. To the kindergarten

went 4 months in total while I worked there - then was with me

at home, as I have been looking for another job for a long time. Yes, in another

he was in kindergarten - six months before school, he also did not communicate with

kids. but since he had excellent learning abilities

and could already study at school, he was sent to school at 6.5 years old. In primary

he studied well at school, especially for mathematics, he has the ability

were. By the way, the transfer from school to school could affect his

psyche, since there was a predisposition to this, but if

to know where you will fall, as they say, you would lay a straw ... In the second

class he went to another school - closer to home (and the first was

close to my work, it was convenient for me to drive and pick him up there), and

at 8 - in the third, with an in-depth study of mathematics. third school

was far from home, he went there by minibus. Ability to

he always had math, so we parents, of course,

wanted the best. During his school years, he had one or two friends, but

he only walked with them and talked at school, he didn’t invite them home

Once we sent Ilya to a dispensary (according to the diagnosis of frequent

colds, but mainly so that he learns from

children to contact). Again, we wanted the best. He was 10 years old

so when we arrived, the teacher said that Ilya urinates at night in

bed. Once again, Ilya was sent to the sanatorium to the sea, so

money was stolen from him there, which we gave him for little things.

In the 10th grade, he began to be late for school, skip classes, stopped

fill out a diary, moved out for deuces. Although up to grade 10 almost

studied without triplets. However, surprisingly, it passed so well

Unified State Examination, which was accepted without exams to our local polytechnic

institute. And then it began ... I went to a lecture once, and then for a month

two left the house, pretending to go to classes, and he just

walked around the city. I was shocked when the institute called.

I had to pick up the documents - it was clear that he did not study

going. By the way, he submitted documents to the institute literally in

the last moment, after much prodding. Go to college with him

received several of his acquaintances guys from school, two of whom

were considered his friends. So it turned out later (when I documents

took away) that they never considered themselves his friends. And the reason

on which he stopped attending lectures was unknown to them.

Ilya, even with close relatives, did not really want to communicate -

with grandparents, for example, was taciturn,

non-contact. Therefore, when passing the commission of the military registration and enlistment office, the father

(my husband) drew the psychiatrist's attention to this fact. Dali

referral to the regional hospital, psychiatric department, there

after a certain period of time was diagnosed with "Disorder

personalities"

Since then, Ilya has been sitting at home at the computer (now he is 22 years old), and

it is absolutely impossible to force him, if not to study, then to work.

It was such that they sent him to the store, but they didn’t give enough money

(not calculated). So he almost returned in tears, although

brought food - or not all of those that were asked, or more

cheap and low-quality (for which there was enough money). He is already

I was an adult, after the story with the institute.

Ilya is very reserved, afraid of communicating with people. to grandma when we

we are going to her for the holidays, he does not go with us. And by the way, he

sits at the computer for half the night, and gets up after 12 noon. By this

reason and his father cannot pull him out to the dacha - usually there in the morning

They go to do a lot of things. And by the way, if Ilya knows that

tomorrow you need to go to the dacha or visit your grandmother, he will lie,

pretending to sleep until we leave. He doesn't like it at the cottage.

And in last days something terrible is going on - after his birthday,

(my mother) and daughter with her husband and little daughter) - 3 days for her husband

birth, and 11 - Ilya. So after 11 he fooled around - he sits in his

room all day long, "creeps out" only at night in the kitchen, eats

poorly, and during the day he doesn’t even go to the toilet. True, during the day, if we

husband is leaving somewhere, he also goes into the kitchen to eat, but this is not

every day.

I work as a freelancer (copywriter), my husband is an excavator operator,

that is why he has no work in winter, that is why we are at home. When

Ilya stopped leaving the room, they turned to a psychiatrist, he

said that treatment can only be voluntary - that is, Ilya

must come himself, sign a bunch of papers, including

voluntary consent to treatment. But this is unrealistic, of course. Who

would know what it cost me to raise it when it was necessary to draw up

stay in the hospital to be released from the army, well, to the hospital

deliver, of course! These were hellish torments. So the psychiatrist said

that compulsory treatment is possible only if

there will be a threat to the health of the patient or his relatives.

Then one more time the psychologist was invited, he said that maybe once in

week to come, progress should be. Said that Ilya was clamped

says that Ilya just has such a character, and you have to live with it,

perceiving him as, for example, a child with Down syndrome - the same

the syndrome is not treated, and in the case of Ilya.

Ilya communicates with parents in fragmentary phrases. Helps around the house

sometimes - he can take out the garbage, peel the potatoes when the guests were,

brought dishes from the kitchen (and cups of tea). For homework he

capable. By the way, on the day of cleaning, he vacuums his room. past

in winter they made dumplings - he helped to roll out the dough, even

dumplings sculpted quite carefully.

Last summer, by the way, I went with us to my grandmother several times, and

his sister with the child was also there, so he went to them twice

seeing her home is half an hour on foot from her grandmother. He helped on

upon arrival, carry bags to the apartment that were in the stroller (packages with

products). Back home alone returned - and nothing,

Fine.

More nuances. Ilya takes a shower very rarely, brushes his teeth even less often, and

since the autumn of last year, he stopped making the bed as it should be -

hangs a sheet on the bed, and simply puts a pillowcase on

pillow on top, covered with a woolen blanket without

duvet cover.

Another moment. It looks like Asperger's Syndrome to me

non-contact, but thinks very well. On the computer sometimes

can suggest something, and the psychologist asked us if Ilya himself

his computer set up what he has. I said yes.

Ilya did not have any hobbies in childhood, he did not

was interested, and his father failed to instill in him an interest in anything.

Now he is fond of football (looks information on the computer,

news and matches on TV). While the husband is at home - the TV is in his

disposal, he watches what he wants. And when he is not - Ilya

watches: sports news (football in particular, but not only),

other news (regular - politics, economics), press conferences

Putin and Medvedev (!).

Tell me what awaits us in the event of a forced transfer of our son to the hospital. How such diseases are treated, what side effects occur after treatment (the effect of drugs on internal organs) and what the result of treatment can be.

Regards, Tatiana.

What to do if a teenager sits at home, walks a little and watches TV or plays computer all the time? First you need to calm down and stop panicking. The second and main step is a consultation with an adolescent psychologist.

We are so accustomed to stories about "terrible" uncontrollable teenagers that homebody children seem almost alien to us.

But there are many such children! They sit at home, play on the computer, watch movies, write on social networks and do not interfere with anyone. The only problem is that they do not want anything, and this cannot but worry.

Do single teens need psychological help? In some cases, you can't do without it. Most often, the children themselves do not see problems in their lifestyle, but parents are worried, and for good reason. As a rule, a closed child does not study well, walks a little, he has no friends, hobbies. All this can cause difficulties with socialization.

When is teen loneliness a cause for concern?

People, especially young people, tend to strive for friendship, entertainment, travel, but everyone is individual, so the need for communication may be different. Some teenagers do fine without constant contact. They are quite comfortable being alone. On the other hand, it can become an obstacle to creating a family, work, and a successful career in the future.

If the child feels comfortable being alone and does not suffer from it, it makes sense to leave things as they are. Find out if he needs help, maybe during the conversation. Sometimes it really is necessary.

These are cases when a child becomes a loner due to circumstances, for example:

• "Pecked". Children can be extremely violent. They often choose a "weak link" and begin to collectively hunt him down. Psychological help for teenagers who are offended by their peers is a must!
• "I'm older". We all develop differently. Some children experience boredom in the company of their peers and look for older friends. Sometimes the age difference can be 5-10 years. There are usually few such friends, and the child may be left alone.
• "I am self-sufficient." Very often a teenager fails to find warmth in the society of peers. He feels rejected. No one offends him, but there is no one to trust. Then the child defends himself: he hides his pain behind the guise of self-sufficiency. It wouldn't bother him.

In most cases, parents should not worry too much about a stay-at-home child. It's not as tragic as they think. However, it is advisable to visit a specialist, at least in order to understand the true reasons for the loneliness of the child. Parents of teenagers need psychological help as often as their children.

Good news for peace of mind

Thinkers, writers, artists are creative people. Reading their biographies, we often note that many of them prefer solitude. Loneliness does not always cause unbearable torment to a person, it is necessary for inspiration. Sometimes these periods are temporary and are needed to reassess values ​​and set priorities.

Do not rush to draw conclusions, do not worry and do not grab any excuse to “push” a homebody child into the street, to friends or to the sports section. It is better to write him down for a consultation with a psychologist for teenagers. The specialist will help you understand how important the attention of peers is to the child.

5 Real Reasons to See an Adolescent Psychologist

1. The child does not study well. If the grades are average and above, then this does not mean anything. But if a teenager does not want to go to school, does not attend classes, does not do homework, then remember that qualified adolescent psychologists work in Saratov. It's time for you to contact the Joy of Life Center.
2. Reticence. If earlier you could talk for a long time with your child on any topic, but now he is withdrawn into himself, avoids questions or answers in monosyllables, sign him up for a consultation. Perhaps something disturbs or depresses him.
3. Lack of eye contact. Eye contact is a sign of intimacy. If a teenager averts his eyes during a conversation, clearly does not say something, or does not want to communicate at all, there is cause for alarm.
4. The teenager avoids the company of peers. If he keeps to himself, and he perceives attempts by his peers to establish contact with hostility, something is wrong. Try to figure out what's going on. If the child does not make contact, then a psychologist for adolescents with such problems can become a best friend.
5. Aggression. It happens that a child reacts aggressively to any attempts to pull him out of his personal world of TV and computer. Perhaps he is rude or offended. This is also cause for concern.

Psychological assistance to children and adolescents

Dear Parents! We are mature people and we perfectly understand how difficult the period of growing up can be. No matter how worried about your child, you should not try to break him, to impose what he does not need or is unpleasant.

Trust the specialists of the psychological center "Joy of Life". They will help your child become a full-fledged member of society and at the same time learn to respect the boundaries of personal space.

We will be happy to talk with you if you find it difficult to accept some of the characteristics of a teenager and establish full contact with him. Come!

Remember, there are always those who professionally provide psychological assistance to adolescents and their parents. You only need!

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