Unforgettable "golden" time - studying at a university: cool statuses about students will tell you what cheat sheet the teacher will not notice and how to celebrate the next holiday. funny sayings talk about how not to oversleep couples or survive the session. Statuses about students is an amazing section of folk art, which is updated daily. Sharp jokes and sparkling sayings immediately become stereotyped. For medical students, finding a suitable status will be the easiest thing: just watch the next episode of the popular series. You can find funny statuses about students for students of other specialties on thematic sites. Change statuses at least every day, showing your friends and acquaintances your mood, hobbies. Such statuses about students as "I am not for anyone, exams!" or "All notes are urgently required" - a clear sign that your friend is tightly "addicted" to study.
If you sit for forty minutes, staring blankly at a blank page in a Word, then you are writing a diploma.
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I will get up early in the morning, I will drink a cup of mercury. And I'm going to die in this institute!
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The holiday is coming to us, the holiday is coming to us! Fun brings students awake, the fear of expulsion is always real! :)
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As long as there are dumplings and mayonnaise in this universe, Russian students are invincible.
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Before, when I was in school, I was lazy and did everything on the last day. Now I study at the university and have become even lazier - I do everything on the last night ...
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Pray, teacher, for the day of judgment will come, and may your kingdom perish, and may you be rewarded for our torment ... The Gospel of the Student, verse five ...
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A student in the 1st year - at least they would not be expelled! On 2 - now they probably won't kick me out. At 3 - now they definitely won’t be kicked out! On 4 - let them just try! On 5 - yes, I myself will expel anyone you want!
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Tired students sleep, books sleep. Evil teachers with credits are waiting for the guys. A harmful lecturer goes to bed so that we can dream at night. Close your eyes - Za-bi-wai!
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A student walks, sways, sighs on the go. Here the session ends and I go into a binge ...
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Student! If your conscience invites you to work out, answer it that it's not the end of the semester yet, and calmly go to drink!)
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He sits behind bars in a damp hostel... Raised in captivity... A young student...
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This is how you study, you study, and then you learn from conflictology that you are a neurotic with suicidal tendencies, experiencing an existential crisis...
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I woke up, made my bed, shaved, washed, had breakfast, got ready for school, and then I thought: “What the hell am I doing?”, undressed and went to bed. It's good to be a student.
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- I am a student. I work part-time at night, but I can’t fall asleep during lectures. What should I do? - Count the sheep that go to lectures with you.
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Professor: "Are you afraid of my questions?" Student: "No, I'm afraid of my answers."
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On the exam in criminal law. - Can you tell me what cheating is? - It will happen, professor, if you fail me. - How, explain. - According to the criminal code, deceit is committed by one who, using the ignorance of another person, causes damage to this other person.
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A student can instantly calculate only three things: 1. how much money he has left; 2. how much is left until the end of the pair; 3. how many days until the scholarship.
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We drink in different doses. We fall asleep in different positions. We remember different moments. It's all called the word "students"!
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The student does not understand at first, and then gets used to it.
The session is perhaps the most scary word for a student… Sleepless nights, mountains of books and notes, panicked snapshots of missed lectures on the phone. The session is torture not only for students, but also for teachers. Still, they are poor, they have to listen to such discoveries in exams and tests, and all because the student did not finish his studies a little ...
Students do not like the session itself, but its end is a real holiday for them, even a birthday is beyond competition with it! When the grades for all tests and exams are in the record, students begin to "wash" the session. That's how it is with them, it's something like a student tradition.
Students are a bit strange people. The understanding that it was necessary to learn everything on time and pass it comes to them only on the eve of the session. But for those who gnaw at the granite of science all the time, the sessions are easy, before the exam it is enough for them to repeat the material they have passed. But which student is happier: the one who teaches only during the session or the one who studies all year, but does not strain during the session?! This is probably a rhetorical question, however, everything should be in moderation. The student must find time for both study and leisure!
From the life of a real student: First I will pass the session, and then empty bottles.
At least I passed the session, at least I didn’t pass it, but I need to wash it ...)))
If you write spurs with a pencil on hundred-ruble bills, then an attempt to take the spur from a student will take on the form of extortion.
Well, that's an idea...)
As a rule, students who skip lectures very often are the best at cognac and chocolate.
At least they need to figure something out...
And then somehow it turns out illogically, they put inaccuracies in the transcripts ...)
Everyone has lazy students there are no notebooks, for that there are pictures with notes on the phones.
If there are pictures of notes, then this is not the laziest student yet!
During the session, the student becomes a superhuman. He stops eating, sleeping, drinking liquids that do not contain alcohol and, like a supercomputer, is able to download an unreal amount of information into himself.
For some reason, a student prefers to be a superhuman for a couple of weeks than to study all year and be an ordinary person ...)
A modern student, instead of preparing for a session, is looking on the net for a beautiful aphorism about a pipets to put in a status.
The porridge in the student's head during the exam miraculously turns into noodles hanging on the teacher's ears.
The exam is a series of mysterious transformations...
Session - the head is square, the brain is a pyramid, and the face is like a mummy ...
This is perhaps the most accurate description of a student.
About the session and exams
The student has two signs: the snow has fallen - the session is coming soon ... The snow has melted - the session is coming soon ...
This is how they live poor, before one sign came true, as the second one is on the nose ...)
The session is the time when the insight comes that “after all, it was possible to study normally throughout the year”!
Enlightenment, maybe, comes, only there is little sense from it ...
A session is when a teacher learns a lot about his subject from students who “didn’t finish their studies a little”.
Maybe those who have undereducated are not talking nonsense at all, but expressing a modern point of view on this or that issue ?!)))
Nothing brings people together like one option on an exam.
So that's why students start dating each other after the session...
Session. I eat fast, I sleep little, I sit on the Internet with a sense of shame.
What a sense of shame is, you will understand when you get a tail and ask your parents for money to live!
Session. At the university, on the desk, where physics is often taken, there is a fresh inscription: “I changed my mind! Take me home! Or at least the army.
You had to think before. Now pull the ticket, student!
The session is a sudden interest of students in books, a frantic search for a library card, which no one has seen since the last session.
Only when the session ends does all interest disappear in an unknown direction…
The closer the exam, the louder the students greet the teacher on the street.
Well, the teacher should, at least on the street, remember that I am his student, since he did not see me in class!)))
Nothing makes a student's face look more meaningless than getting a ticket for an exam!
It can only be even more pointless when a student tells his parents that he will no longer have a scholarship ...
During the exams, the professor asks the student: - Why are you so worried? Are you afraid of my questions? Oh no, professor! I'm afraid of my answers.
A conscientious student, he has not yet begun to answer, but he is already ashamed of his answers ...
About the end of the session
The father sends a telegram to his son: “How did you pass the exams? Got an answer." Answer: “I passed the exams normally, the professors are delighted, they ask me to repeat it in the fall.”
Well, don’t tell your father directly that they sent you for a retake ...)))
Last session, penultimate spurt
In the summer of GOS ... and after freedom, a sip,
And yet we will miss the sessions,
We will often remember this time!
When student life ends, everyone starts to miss the university and even the sessions…
So the session is over, who studied - well done!
Who did not study is without a scholarship ...
The main thing is that the end of the session does not fall at the end of summer.
To avoid retakes, you need to learn and pass everything the first time.
A student is walking, swaying, sighing on the go ... now the session ends and I'm going on a binge ...
There needs to be some way to ease the stress...
What you did not understand in the lecture, you will understand in the exam!
Only in addition to a lecture on the topic, you will have to listen to another lecture on the need to attend classes and study ...)
A professor is a student who has passed all the exams.
Maybe it's time for the university to increase its accreditation, since it has so many professors?
From session to session, students live happily.
And only at the session there is no sadder creature than a student ...)
Father: ... and next semester, so that I can pass the scholarship session, understand?!
Son: Well, it depends on what exams will be.
Father: No, it depends on how you pass them.
Everything always depends only on your efforts, diligence and determination.
Behind all the labs and tests,
And the last exam passed!
Control works are solved,
Curriculum completed with honors!
All students are having fun
Sessions over the hard way!
And I wish you this day
It's good to have a rest!
“At your request, I can’t give you a deuce instead of a triple and send you for a retake for a four, because then everyone will say that Beklemishev is a beast.” (On the exam, 1996)
“A three, young man, you know. And they already say about me that I’m too evil a teacher to still put undeserved deuces. ” (At the exam, in response to a request for a deuce, 1976)
In general, Vitka was a golden guy. I didn't feel like I was talking to a star. He did not show off, did not act up ... He was just a COOL guy! We were friends for only two years, but his death was a great tragedy for me.
“A person can be taught anything! Even walk with a marching step, though slightly in different conditions. (In the audience, at one of the seminars, after the wrong answer, 2007)
Students have already seized power in the country! We are ruled former students It's time for everyone to understand this! The very ones that once, having smoked “weed”, quietly set off to the music of Pink Floyd!
How can he be a snob if he studied at a vocational school and at a school for working youth? And then he became a star - very quickly. Well, a little head was blown off, of course. But with the "ordinary" people, too, everything was in order.
I was not a bully - but I would have been better. A guy like me had even more problems than bullies. I could think about something of my own for a long time. Everyone writes down the words of the teacher, and I draw my own pictures.
Lived for a long time. I retaken one dish - a terrible thing. If all at once, it would be enough for a car and a summer house. But because I gave it in small portions. then each time was barely enough for a hangover.
Of course, this is a sad occasion, but I think Dixie would be delighted to know that even at his grave he gathers more people than Everton in the stadium. ( At Dixie Dean's funeral)
Recently, guys came up in Samara, asked for an autograph, and then asked: “Are you UmaTurman?” I said yes, why spoil people's mood?
And when I passed these guys in the service, repeating to myself: - Calm down, Lyokha. - I realized that I changed my children's toys for the same adults, and this is bad.
It is at the festival that a musical group can express itself. Only there you can hook a large audience, even if these people have never heard you before.
“No one requires you to print all the analytical geometry on the exam. This has been done before you by many smart people. Some things you just need to know." (On the test, having received an inaccurate answer from the student.)
Girls who are under twenty-five are accommodating and sweet. After twenty-five, the girls are still more accommodating, but sad, and this is no longer so cute.
Recently, instead of preparing for exams, students have been searching the Internet for cool statuses about the session, exams and about what tomorrow will be
f**k.
Only such a unique being as a student can spend half a year in order to prepare for passing any exam in one night with the help of a thin manual.
- They ask the student: “Did you prepare anything for the upcoming exam? - Certainly! Faith, hope and credit :)”
The student does not know the norms of decency, decently alien to him, and as males from the genus Homo sapiens he can only get drunk. 🙂
Best Status:
Understanding that you are already a student comes when a first-grader brother asks you to solve a problem, and you see its solution through an integral.
At the exam: - Well, what will you answer or not? - Comrade student, stop explaining! Pull the ticket. - And I have a ticket!
If you decide to suppress the suddenly surging student movement, then think about it! Perhaps you drive the disease inside? Don't be afraid to face the truth.
Instead of preparing for tomorrow's tests, I read this text.
In the first year, it is difficult to study for the first few years, but then it will be easier!
I draw the word "ENOUGH" in the dean's office with Vaseline.
Only our student may not know the schedule, but know exactly when there are no classes!)
Ambition is when you go to the exam, you think that you know 2, and when they put 4, you wonder why not 5?
Students are strange animals... While normal animals have asshole tails, they have asshole tails.
Student joke: Once upon a time there were three pigs: nyuf-nuf, naf-naf and the head of the cafe ...
Student toast to parents: “To those who think we study here!”
Give a student a foothold and he will fall asleep.)
During the session, the student becomes a superhuman. He stops eating, sleeping, drinking liquids that do not contain alcohol and, like a supercomputer, is able to download an unreal amount of information into himself.
nothing makes a student's face look as meaningless as getting a ticket for an exam!))
A distinctive feature of the student: I didn’t know, but I remembered!))
A student cannot marry. He will only deal with his wife - he will have tails. He will only study - horns will appear. And he will do both ... he will drop his hooves!)
Love the teacher, for the dog is man's best friend!
I'll get up early in the morning, drink a cup of mercury and go to die in a fucking institute 🙂
Conscience is the wealth of a person, and we, students, are poor people .. =)
Nonsense at the institute develops hearing, vigilance and peripheral vision)))
I won't set an alarm. Let the Lord decide whether to go to the first pair or not.
Tired students are sleeping, books are sleeping... Evil teachers with credits are waiting for the guys... A harmful lecturer goes to bed so that we can dream at night... Close your eyes - FOR-BE-WAI!
The session is the time when the insight comes that “after all, it was possible to study normally throughout the year”! ..
Knowledge is not transmitted sexually, but it is quite possible to earn an assessment!
session - word male. Because no woman could fuck so many people!
The session is a sudden interest of students in books, a frantic search for a library card, which no one has seen since the last session.
A session is when a teacher learns a lot about his subject from students who “didn’t finish their studies a little”.
Pray, teacher, for the day of judgment will come, and may your kingdom perish, and may you be rewarded for our torment ... The Gospel from the Student, verse five ...
The session is the time when the student needs to take on the head… the upper head…
Study, study and study again, because you still won’t find a job.
The student has 2 states: Eating and sleeping. But there is also a third - session: when not to eat and not to sleep.
The academic year, like pregnancy - lasts 9 months, and starts to feel sick from the 2nd week ...
An old student tradition: every year my friends and I go to the session. Well, let's go there ... ((
If you want to study - lie down, sleep and everything will pass.))
The teacher on the pair: “In our time, all sorts of graffiti were not painted on the walls of houses!” Voice from the back: “Well, of course, dinosaurs couldn’t write!” 🙂
The girl is a student, a sweet candy ... At the lecture, a stool stuck to her ass.
Only our student may not recognize the teacher who passed the exam yesterday.
At the institute, 5 years flew by, like 5 minutes. I had enough patience, now let others shake!
The depth of the neckline of the dress of a student who came to take an exam is inversely proportional to the depth of her knowledge.
We drink in different doses. We fall asleep in different positions. We remember different moments. It's all called the word "students"!
It's been a month now...
A student is always short of one night to pass the exam.
The student does not understand at first, and then gets used to it.
If the student said “didn’t take”, then he won’t return it.
New super hero "Man - student". He manages to accomplish as many feats in January as he should have done in September, October, November and December.
So let's drink to those who walk, to those who don't know anything and who give up the session for a boom!
There were 38 people in attendance today. There were 52 people on the teacher's sheet, which was let through the rows where those present were enrolled. Do students have a conscience?
A frightened student at the exam, holding a piece of paper with a written answer: - P-p-professor, but ... and scratching? Professor sarcastically: - Well, scratch, if it helps ...
Sits behind bars in a hostel damp ... Raised in captivity ... A young student ...
This is how you study, study, and then you learn from conflictology that you are a neurotic with suicidal tendencies, experiencing an existential crisis ...
If somewhere noise and fight. If there are bottles. If the women screamed. So the students are drinking there.
- Do you know that unscrupulous cockroaches have students in the room?
Oh, how the boys at the university congratulated us today. A song with a guitar, champagne with fireworks. And, since we have few boys, they each gave us a man. Mm.)
Night. Hung up for the toilet. I turned off the light, the screen, so as not to wake my mother. I open the door: "Oh-oh." Damn, speakers...
If we are expelled from the university, then we will hand over the bottles and enter the paid department!
“Student, are you really that smart?” - Who am I? - Well, not me.
The most beautiful phrase, from the lips of a teacher, for a student: “Carry a record book”!
Where are the best parties? The teachers in the back room!
The inscription on the desk in the student auditorium: “There are 30 minutes left before the break, 20 minutes, 10 minutes, 5 minutes, 3 minutes, 2 minutes, 1 minute, damn it ... No break!”
Russian students will first do their business, and then they will study.
Oh great student! Do not snore at lectures, for you will wake up your neighbor who is sleeping next to you, and when he wakes up, he will not rejoice.
Reflections of a hungry student: “To eat this in a hostel for free?” Water. Electricity. Neighbours.
Only our student can come to class sober and leave drunk.
Ment asks a student who has studied for documents. “That's just a pass to the university. Are there prohibited items? - In the University?
Graduated - this is half a year of torment of the brain and 15 minutes of shame ...
There are no hungry students! There are only those who are always hungry...
Student tea. Without welding. Sugarless.
Professor: "Are you afraid of my questions?" Student: "No, I'm afraid of my answers."
A student is a unique being who takes half a year to learn any material overnight.
Check the grade for your submitted work without leaving the lecturer. If you don't like the grade, ask for a better grade or census work. And remember: the student is always right!
Popular sign: if there are a lot of students near the ATM, it means either a scholarship has arrived or a session has begun.)
How quickly time flies: I didn’t have time to wake up, but I was already late for a couple ...
Looking for a woman who can cook. About me: a hungry student.
Hungry students are lying and dreaming: - What, guys, let's get a pig. Meat, fat will be ... - What are you? Dirty, stink! Nothing, she'll get used to it...
The thought of every schoolchild: “Why do we study for nine months, and rest for only three, and not vice versa?”
Students always lack one day to prepare for the exam!
It is normal for students to look at their watches. It's not normal when they start bringing them to their ear.
Who was not a student. So do not understand. How you want a s*x, how you want to sleep. How do you want the teacher, fuck send. Go home and don't give a damn!
A student walks, swings, sighs on the go. Here the session ends and I go into a binge ...
Teacher: "What is your last name?" Student: Ivanov. (Smiling). "What are you smiling at?" the professor asks. I'm glad I answered the first question well.
Student's life: morning, feet, slippers, faucet, feet, door, walk in the morning, beer, vodka 2 buckets, noise, head, fall, lie down, hands, feet, house, bed, bad, night, dark, dope, morning , feet, slippers, crane… 🙂
Students are people balancing between the army and higher education.
I woke up, made my bed, shaved, washed, had breakfast, got ready to study, and then I thought: “What the hell am I doing?”, undressed and went to bed, it’s good to be a student.
Exam in criminal law. Can you tell me what cheating is? “It will happen, professor, if you fail me. – How, explain. “According to the criminal code, deceit is committed by one who, using the ignorance of another person, causes damage to this other person.
Teacher: "What is your last name?" Student: "Ivanov" (smiles). "What are you smiling at?" the professor asks. I'm glad I answered the first question well.
All students with our professional holiday! Today we can do everything!
The latest method for developing the memory of history students. Up to date before the session. "Group for the Emancipation of Labor": Plekhanov, Ignatiev, Zasulich, Deutz, Axelrod. Read only capital letters group members. It's impossible not to remember!
The student, going up to his house on the 9th floor, believed to the last that it smelled of chicken from his apartment.
For the sake of evaluation, the student goes to any lengths! Even to class!
Yet the most strange and unusual animals are ... Students! All normal animals grow their tails out of their asses, but students' asses grow out of their tails.
At the university, having nothing to do, I go to ICQ to somehow diversify a boring couple ...
Why can't a student get married? Because if he takes care of his wife, then he will have tails. And if he deals with tails, then he will have horns. And if he takes care of both his wife and his studies, he will throw back his hooves.
A student comes to hand over the work and says to the teacher: “Excuse me, I have a fume”. And he gives him: “Yes, my wife also fed me cutlets with garlic.”
If you sit for forty minutes, staring blankly at a blank page in a Word, then you are writing a diploma.
Passed! For three. At first I thought, to hand over five, and then I decided, - but what for? I’ll rent it better for 3, and I’ll go for the rest of the money, I’ll drink beer!
