Hello beloved!
Please read to the end. I don’t even know where to start. More than a year has passed since we met. And I remember that day. It is impossible to forget him, because he laid the foundation for our relationship with you. Even if they didn’t last long, half a year, they were amazing for me. After all, I was the happiest girl in the world, and even despite the fact that we quarreled, swore, and were offended at each other over all sorts of small trifles. These were my best six months of happiness! I remember how I fell in love with you. My breath caught, my heart sank, and my chest felt somehow unnaturally warm. I couldn’t even imagine what this felt like. I couldn’t believe that all this was happening to me. But only later did I begin to realize that I was in love with you. In love with your smile, with your beautiful eyes, with your voice, with you for who you are. When I saw you, I was filled with happiness, joy, warmth, giving me hope for something more. I want to admit, I have never loved anyone as much as you. Of course, at first I tried to turn a blind eye to it. But then I realized that you can close your eyes to what you see, but not to what you feel!
I always ask myself why this is, why I can’t be with my loved one, why am I being punished like this, why is I in such pain, I don’t deserve it. I am also a person, albeit with disabilities I am a girl, a girl who fell in love with all my heart for the first time, who once confessed her love, received a knife in the back. Why didn't you ever think about me when you hurt me? After all, each time the pain became stronger and stronger, and the traces of it deeper and deeper in the soul. Your words about love? And I believed in them. Everything happened so realistically. And I completely trusted you, every word you said. But it turned out that this was a game? You know, when a man truly loves a woman, he will never let her leave his life! Even if she wants it. He will try to fix something, change something, and not only in her, but also in himself! Because, having lost a loved one, you lose an irreplaceable part of your soul, you stop living, you begin to simply exist, without feelings, without emotions. Only with hellish pain. I can’t imagine my life without you. You are my meaning, my goal, my addiction. The fire that you kindled in me still burns in my heart. I will never be able to forget you. It's better for everyone else that I become heartless. Because there will never be a place for them in my heart. You became the first and only person I allowed to enter my heart, but you didn’t believe me, I saw it in your eyes, in your smile, in your every gesture. I felt it. I don’t want to be unnecessary, to bother, to impose. But I understand that this is exactly the case. You will never understand how much you broke me and with what difficulty, now, I am trying to glue myself back together piece by piece, day after day, through all the grievances, all the pain and tears. I won’t write or call anymore, I won’t look for meetings, I won’t nervously run to the phone when the music starts, why? All this is meaningless and stupid. I hope that the day will come when you and I will meet somewhere by chance. Let's look into each other's eyes, and there is still the same shine, all the same feelings, nothing has changed. As soon as there is a light sadness in my soul, we will part as usual, but this time I will try to hold back the tears, I will not cry, but just smile. I will smile for you, so that you don’t have sadness in your soul, so that you don’t get upset. No matter how painful it is for me, I never cease to thank fate for giving me you. I wish you only happiness. I want everything to be fine with you, and this will make me feel calmer. I want you to finally meet your one true love and be happy with her. I want you to never experience the pain that I experienced. Remember you forever in my heart. I love you. Goodbye.
Do you really want to keep trying? Is this really your conscious choice?
It happens that a woman does everything and even more for her husband. He's trying! She tries honestly in the hope that he will finally appreciate her efforts and stop, for example, endlessly walking or bullying her. It happens that a mother exhausts herself in attempts to satisfy the whims of her now over-aged son, works three jobs, and later gives away half her pension. She also tries... It happens that another invests heavily in establishing relations with her mother-in-law through “pleasing”, goes to her, washes and cleans the house, accompanies her somewhere and, although with difficulty, patiently listens to stories about the nasty people around her.
Happens
It happens that a man, seeking reciprocity, courtes for years, gives gifts, changes the tires of his chosen one’s car, and even periodically waits for her to divorce her next husband.
It happens that a girl builds her whole life in such a way that her mother is happy. A step away from my mother’s plans - a barrage of swearing and reactively suffocating guilt...
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It happens that you really want to be appreciated, finally accepted, approved. It would be better if there was a specific person – the one from whom you expect this. But then the internal compass forces you to move not in the direction of your own happiness, but sometimes along the opposite path.
It's worth understanding...
If efforts are still not appreciated, if it is extremely rare to please, and the chosen slogan “try” has not made life more beautiful, and expectations of evaluation of efforts, in general, remain fruitless, Maybe you should ask yourself the question of how productive the chosen path is?
- If all attempts to please your husband have not been particularly successful...
- If the mother-in-law is still “twisting her nose”...
- If the chosen one chooses another again and again...
- If mommy is satisfied with your efforts once every five years...
Do you really want to keep trying? Is this really your conscious choice?
It makes sense to know that a person does many things not because it leads to success, but out of habit. Such habits usually come from (you probably guessed it) childhood. Perhaps it turned out like this. Once upon a time, mom or dad taught a little girl or boy to try and gave approval, love, or at least just attention just for trying. All children need the love of their parents. If love is not received, then formal approval is desired. If it’s not there, then attention would be welcome. Well, at least some.
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So the mother says to the baby: “Try hard!”, and when she really tries, the mother notices it, notes it, gives attention.
So, after several repetitions, the girl receives a parental “order” operating on an unconscious level. And now the girl has grown up. Well, or a boy...
What's next? From this point you can return to the beginning of the text. And if this concerns you, you can even use “woman”, “man”, etc. instead. try on your name: “It happens, he does... for his own sake... more and more” or, by analogy, come up with an example about yourself.
Now it’s time to answer yourself.
- Do you really want to keep trying?
- Is this really your conscious choice?
Most likely, if you continue to act as before, you will continue to get the same result.
Will they appreciate it, approve it, choose it, will they love each other? Not likely, right? Unless something extraordinary and super-stressful happens to the person for whom you are trying - stressful enough to encourage him to internal changes. But this is unlikely, right?
Sometimes you try harder and harder...WHY? published econet.ru .
Larisa Nesterova
P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness, we are changing the world together! © econet
Why doesn't increasing the amount of effort improve the result, and in some cases even devalues previous achievements? By what laws does the psyche and relationships with people work? Why does an overestimated potential of importance push us away from the goal and lead to loss of strength and resources?
In the US Special Forces, there is one rather tough exercise for recruits, the purpose of which is to teach soldiers to control themselves in a stressful situation. What is it? A person is tied hand and foot and sent into a 3-meter deep pool, the task is to hold out for 5 minutes and not die. Needless to say, most beginners immediately panic and fail? Everyone as one is trying to stay afloat, which is problematic to do in a tied state. But fear, which consumes a good half of the oxygen, does not allow one to withstand this time under water, as a result of which many have to be pumped out.
How to avoid failing a test? Remember two rules: the more effort you put into saving yourself, the sooner you will drown; The longer you panic, the more oxygen you consume. In fact, it is easy to complete the task, even if you do not know how to swim. To do this, you need to trust the laws of physics: let the body sink to the bottom and push off from it, inhale air, and then repeat the process again and again until time runs out. Neither willpower nor superhuman endurance is required from a soldier, just ingenuity! Regarding the second: panic really clouds the mind, which is why it should be abandoned, in literally relaxing in the face of danger. It is not instincts that save a person, but the ability to master them. How this story relates to our topic will be discussed below.
Why is effort not equal to return?
By what principle do most ordinary people live? “The more effort I put in, the more I will get in the long run. The more I study, the smarter I will become. The more I start working, the better I’ll earn.” But here lies the catch – it’s a lie! The rule only works at the beginning of the journey, and then there comes a point after which additional work does not bring any benefit. And the more energy you spend, the less reward you will receive at the end of the journey. What does this look like in practice?
Each of your subsequent actions will devalue the previous one. A lady will accept a bouquet once presented as a holiday. Having received the flowers again, he will kiss your cheek and smile. The third time everything will happen as expected. And in the 33rd - flowers in your hands will cause irritation. In the same way, one trip to your parents a month will make the elderly happy. Two will simply please you. Whereas everyday visits will seem to them like something taken for granted.
The same rule applies to sex, food, money, relationships, everything! One friend is worth our weight in gold, ten friends plus one don’t change anything. As well as the difference between earnings of 10 and 30 thousand dollars, which seems noticeable at first, but when reaching amounts of 1,010,000 $ and 103,000 $, it is completely leveled out. This leads to certain thoughts, don’t you think?
Paradox of the psyche: the more you desire, the more you push away
The law of diminishing returns described above applies to actions, but in relation to mental reality everything is even more complicated. The correlation between conscious effort and reward is generally inverse!
In simple words, the more you strain, get active, and fight for your goal, the less you will achieve. The effect of this law is clearly demonstrated by the example of training recruits in special forces. When an attempt to stay on the water leads to the fact that a person simply loses his remaining strength and drowns. It works the same way in life.
For example, when we consciously try to wean ourselves from smoking, we start smoking even more due to stress. When we are desperately chasing success, the dream, as luck would have it, moves away. When we learn to manage our feelings, we only lose our temper more often. It feels like the brain is deliberately resisting our decisions:
- Do you want freedom? Feel connected.
- Do you want to become strong? Feel your weakness.
- Are you looking for love? Get a dose of rejection.
- Are you trying to make others respect you? This means that something will happen that will help others completely lose trust in you.
And this is just the tip of the iceberg.
What to do with this knowledge
The conclusion suggests itself: if we push away from ourselves everything that we passionately desire, we need to do the opposite - achieve goals by abandoning them. Want to strengthen your importance? Give it up and switch to the importance of others. You will be surprised, but it will work exactly the opposite. Just like giving up the pursuit of perfection will only bring you closer to a feeling of inner harmony.
There is no longer any need to chase freedom, it is enough to admit your dependence, and this action will have the opposite effect. What we refuse will knock on our door without any effort. Stop tormenting yourself with thoughts about the meaning of life, give up the endless search for love.
Be sure that everything said will find you on its own if you let go of its importance. The point is that by stopping the pursuit of goods, we stop rushing around and learn to see clearly, making room for something more in our lives.
That’s why in moments of defeat you shouldn’t act on impulse. Give up victory, give up the obsessive habit of controlling everything in the world - and the Universe will become your ally. The world lives by its own laws: if you flounder in the water, you will certainly drown; but by allowing yourself to sink to the bottom, you can push off and gain the desired height.
A person’s strength lies in humility, in the ability to accept life as it is, and not fight with windmills. There is no need to pound your fists, it is enough to know by what rules the world works. Failure will not break someone who calmly awaits its visit. And then, who knows, maybe it will be she who will lead you to salvation?
Greetings!
Soon New Year– for some it is a time of joy, and for others it is a time of pain.
Be honest, how many times have you already started? new life" in the new year?
- That's it, starting from this year, I live in a new way! I’ll go to the gym, start working hard, and start earning ____ dollars a month...
And when you sum up the year in December, you immediately feel sad...
Tell me honestly, did this happen?
I have YES! And more than once.
I read book after book, took all sorts of training courses, made numerous attempts to get rich, but nothing changed. At some point, I even panicked! After all, NOTHING changes. Income does not grow, no matter how sophisticated you are. I started looking for the answer Why that's what happens.
After a while, I realized one brilliant truth.
It turns out that great effort sometimes only removes us from the result.
Yes, that's not a typo. Very often, huffing and puffing over a goal is NOT OK, and the more you get out of your skin, the worse things get.
Moreover, I realized how much time and effort in life I wasted by not knowing this brilliantly simple thing. How many people around waste years of their lives, waste their strength, and in the end become losers.
When does effort kill your success?
Imagine that two poor friends came to look for gold in Alaska during the Gold Rush. The first one immediately picked up a pickaxe and went to chisel the first block of stone he came across. And the second one turned to specialists - geologists (let’s imagine that in those days there were such services).
The first comrade pounded the stone for several days, found nothing, spat, and went home to continue living in poverty. Until the end of his life, he will now believe that there is no trace of gold, and will never try to get rich again. He tried, it didn’t work, so that’s enough.
The second comrade turned to geologists, and they showed him where gold was most likely to be found.
He took a pickaxe and began to search. He searched for two weeks before he found the first piece of gold. So the guy got into large deposits and became rich. Very soon, he became a professional in gold prospecting, and built a large company on it.
This is a fictitious metaphor, however, this is exactly what happens in life.
People pick up some advice on how to become cool and rich specialists, try to implement it in life - but it doesn’t work.
And they develop a strong confidence: all these books, advice, coaching, training are nonsense.
The famous saying: “Patience and work will grind everything down!” doesn't work here.
If you go north and want to get to the south, then the more you accelerate, the further you move away from your goal. And at a certain moment, you are already hopelessly far away. Time and energy are wasted, and what’s worst is that self-confidence is lost.
This is the true price of self-confidence and unsuccessful attempts.
“I already know that! I can achieve everything myself, I don’t need mentors...” is a very dangerous misconception. After all, when we do it wrong, we don’t get results and lose faith in success.
Learn and take action!
Arthur Grant
P.S.: Enrollment is open for a three-month coaching course on copywriting and successful career building. For January, I will take two motivated people who are ready to become expensive copywriters next year at any cost - and reach a stable level of income of more than 80,000 rubles per month. Classes will last three months. If you don’t believe in yourself, or are too lazy, or have doubts, don’t contact me. In order to ask the price - also. I will only hire those who are determined and want results.
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Apply by email: artur_grant (dog) mail.ru
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