When a person has learned not to react to trauma: what does it cost him?
If in childhood the child had a hard time, and for some reason there was no person nearby who would help to survive these difficulties, sharing the feelings and emotions of the child, explaining what is happening and giving his protection and comfort, the child is forced to block those feelings in himself, to survive who do not yet have resources.
This is how the notorious "freeze" occurs - a complete lack of reaction in traumatic circumstances. Blocking the experience of feelings is not difficult at all, each of us has ever done it: it is enough to tighten those muscles that are associated with their expression. For example, clench your teeth and don't cry!
Sensory blocking mechanism.
Everyone knows that grief is expressed in tears. Also, everyone knows what needs to be done in order not to cry: you need to squeeze your teeth tighter, tighten your muscles s around the eyes, and breathe as little deeply as possible. The shallower the breath, the weaker the access to anyfeelings in general complete cessation of breathing, obviously, will lead to the fact that the person will soon be nothingfeel. For only the dead feel nothing at all. However, confrontation with intolerable feelings often causes difficulties, and even temporary cessation of breathing: they say about it: “I took my breath away from despair / fear / horror / etc.”
In fact, such tension is designed to protect a person from emotions and feelings that he (for some reason and often unconsciously) considers unbearable or unacceptable for himself. These feelings often remain unnamed and unrecognized, and, of course, always - unexperienced, which is why they seem to be preserved in the body. But that's not all: those areas of the body that were tense in order to prevent feelings from escaping, also lose subtle sensitivity, become unable to experience pleasure.
The mechanism for this is simple. Try to clench your hand into a fist and run it over the other hand. Pay attention to the sensations in the clenched hand, describe them for yourself and remember. Was there any pleasure in it? Now open your fist, relax your hand, make it soft - and run it over the same place. Compare feelings. Which one has more fun?
The emergence of bodily blocks
If an adult blocks the experience of feelings once, then this will probably not leave any trace on his appearance. The human psyche is capable of self-healing, and even if he consciously does nothing to experience a blocked feeling, there are still dreams, they help to process daytime impressions. But if you do this from childhood, over and over again, if some of the stresses turn out to be familiar to the psyche ... then in adulthood it can be seen literally with the naked eye. Habitually tense jaws on the cheekbones - this is the price for the fact that "boys do not cry." The habitually tense shoulders, the neck drawn into them is an attempt to hide from oneself and not feel one's fear. A tight stomach and locked hips are the price you pay for not feeling sexually aroused. Well, and so on.
Most often, such bodily blocks arise even in childhood, when the child’s conscious possibilities for experiencing feelings are still weak: when parents did not come to the rescue, but you cannot cope on your own, “canning” a dangerous feeling until better times looks like a very reasonable strategy. True, this affects the development of the body, the so-called “muscle shell” appears, which habitually protects from certain feelings, but yes, we are talking about survival: better in a shell, but alive.
Fortunately, unlike the body type, which cannot be changed (and it is not necessary, these are your strengths! You need to use and be proud of them) - you can get rid of this muscular shell, restore sensitivity to your own body. This road is not always easy, but it will be mastered by the walking one.
Exploring our own body
This exercise is best done in the shower, for example, where you can explore your entire body without interference. Turn on warm pleasant water, and, directing it to different parts of your body, explore all the richness of their sensations. By doing this, you can speak kindly to the area under study: "I'm glad to see you, my right shoulder blade, hello!" - it is not so important what exactly you say, but the intention. It is necessary to ensure the benevolence of self-examination, so that it takes place in an atmosphere of benevolent attention, and not a malicious inspector's check.
Notice everything that happens when you examine any area: is there any sensitivity in it at all? You will notice that in different areas the sensitivity is different: somewhere every drop of water is felt, and somewhere only total pressure or feel nothing at all. Notice what and how you specifically feel: only the jets of the soul, or, perhaps, inner pain, tension? How do sensations progress? Perhaps there is a desire to make some kind of movement? What emotions do you experience as you explore different areas? Somewhere there will be pure uncomplicated joy of recognizing your body, and somewhere you may feel irritation, sadness or even fear. Perhaps, when examining some areas, memories will come up, some images will come to mind - all this (sensations, movements, emotions and memories / images) can be recorded upon exiting the shower, create a map of your body.
Why are these body blocks dangerous? Because they are the very mechanism that can eventually lead to psychosomatic disorders. Not in a month, and not even in a year... But if year after year you force yourself not to feel and not to react, then sooner or later persistence will be rewarded.
But this is not an award worth fighting for.
You were born to be yourself, not someone else.
Consciousness is the key to the process of manifestation. To know means to understand the meaning of your words, thoughts or beliefs, feelings and emotions. Being self-aware means having the ability to change your words, thoughts, feelings and emotions, and subsequently your actions - and then you will have the life that you so want and deserve.
Most people don't live knowledgeable lives; they live mechanically, resembling other people in their statements, views, feelings and actions. We live based on what others say or do. We live in turmoil about what others say about us. We try to fit into society, we live by the rules of other people. Our lives are hypnotized by the state, we are controlled by other people. When you were a child, someone told you that you lost and now you are living the life of a loser.
Why should you live your life like a chicken if you are an eagle? Why waste your life walking when you can fly?
Self-awareness is a skill that develops through practice and discipline. You just have to pay attention to your words, thoughts, feelings, emotions and actions. It's easier than you thought. Here are some ways to practice and develop your consciousness:
1. Pay attention to who you are
- Pay attention to your words. What words do you use every day? Do they carry a low charge of energy or a high one? What do you say to yourself (talk to yourself)? What do you say to others?
- Pay attention to your thoughts. What are you thinking right now? What do you think of yourself? About other people?
- Pay attention to your feelings and emotions. What do you feel? Why do you feel it? What can you do to feel better?
- Pay attention to your actions (everyday habits). How do you use your time? What are the results of your actions? What do you not do and what do you want to do?
2. Pay attention to the people around you
Do you imitate other people? What kind of people do you imitate (winners or losers)? Do you like them? Why not? How do you feel among people? Do you condemn or criticize them? Do you bless people?
3. Pay attention to the environment
Notice the beauty around you: flowers, trees, water, sky, animals, buildings, things you don't normally notice. Use your six senses: behold the beauty of the eyes, hear the breath of the wind, smell the fragrance of roses, touch the sky with your hands, experience the fragrance of your happiness and feel your soul.
It's time to wake up. It's time to see what's in you and let it live. This is the time to find out who you are and what you want. You were born to be YOU, not someone else. There are thousands of reasons to live the way you want and be yourself. Why are you handcuffed when you have the key? Take the key of your self-awareness and live your OWN life.
Complete emotional blockage occurs when a person is subconsciously incongruent with being happy, healthy, and successful. Such people are programmed to fail in all areas of their lives. They fail to build relationships with people, they experience financial difficulties, they have health problems, and there is no end to it. On a subconscious level, they are congruent with being miserable, sick, and unsuccessful. When they say or think “I want to be happy, healthy and successful,” their muscles weaken and they become stressed. Just the thought of being happy, healthy, and successful makes them feel anxious. When they say or think, “I want to be a miserable, sick loser,” their muscles stay strong and they feel calm and comfortable.
How can it be? How can a person not desire happiness, good health and success? Does anyone in their right mind want to be a miserable, sick loser? This is one of the most mysterious mysteries of the human mind; This phenomenon is observed not only in humans, but also in animals. But I will talk about this later.
Emotional blocking is directly related to the idea of yourself, to the image of you that has developed in your subconscious. It is this image, stored in your subconscious mind, that determines your personality, your ideas about yourself and, ultimately, your reactions to the inner and outer world. It determines your thoughts about what is good for you and what is bad for you. In the end, it depends on him whether you achieve your goals, whether you fulfill your dreams or not. If you manage to change this subconscious image, overcome contradictions, bring it into line with what you want, you will turn from a loser into a successful person.
Due to Total Emotional Blocking, there are "success-oriented personalities" and "failure-oriented personalities." There are also "people prone to illness" or "people prone to good health". People supposedly "prone to misfortune" exhibit corresponding qualities: they constantly lose something, put scratches on their cars, break dishes and get injured. We see the same thing in some children. Some overcome this by changing their subconscious image, others do not.
Usually such people always come to approximately the same conclusions: "This life is difficult", "I am not coping", "I have no abilities", "I was not born under a lucky star" "I do what I can, I have no other choice" and so on. Perhaps you are not enterprising enough and filled with self-pity. These are all signs of a powerful emotional blockage.
Common forms of sabotage associated with total emotional blocking are listed below:
When health is sabotaged, there are pains, accidents, operations to remove organs (gall bladder, appendix, lungs, stomach, fibroids, polyps and cancerous tumors). Also seen are fractures, scars, premature aging, a weak immune system, diabetes, high blood pressure, infections, chronic weakness, hearing loss, and vision loss. This list can be continued indefinitely. If you have undergone surgery or suffer from a chronic illness, constantly visit the clinic, you can classify yourself in this category.
If your health is poor, chances are that you yourself are sabotaging your health. Especially if you smoke, drink more than two alcoholic drinks a day, if you're twelve pounds overweight, if you don't exercise, never practice meditation, yoga, tai chi or qigong.
SABOTING RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHERS The main sign of such sabotage is that you
constantly attract people who make you unhappy. In other words, “toxic people”, as some authors call them, are drawn to you. These are people who annoy you, do not support you, constantly make demands, make scandals, take advantage of you, do not pay attention to you, constantly criticize you, do not show love and do not consider you. If you constantly feel unhappy and think that you have to adapt to what is available, because "there is nothing else" or feel that you deserve no more, or that "life is a cruel thing", you are probably sabotaging your happiness.
According to my philosophy, there really are no toxic people. This person makes you suffer only as much as you allow it to. If you yourself change, the following will happen:
1. You will start attracting different types of people.
2. Those people whom you consider "toxic" will no longer seem so to you or will change. You will find that you yourself have been a toxic person all along.
SABOTATION OF FINANCES. You do not have enough money until the end of the month, you are postponing payments, you cannot save up money or invest it in some kind of event; you can't keep a job. Money is chronically lacking; you give everything to others and you have nothing left. You buy a lottery ticket hoping to win big.
The problem of money is so acute in our society that many people live from check to check and cannot get out of this circle. Many work two or three jobs to make ends meet, while someone who has a high-paying job lives beyond their means. Most people love and hate money at the same time. If in our subconscious we consider money to be the main cause of evil, then we will find many opportunities to sabotage it, claiming that “money does not buy happiness” and similar phrases that indicate a lack of congruence.
In fact, money represents a certain energy. When there is not enough money (which, in turn, plunges you into stress and drains energy from you), this means that you are in vicious circle and get out of it only if you change your subconscious program regarding money.
Translated from English concept "psychological protection" means a system of regulatory mechanisms in the psyche, which are aimed at eliminating or minimizing negative, traumatic experiences associated with internal or external conflicts, states of anxiety and discomfort.
When does such a need arise? Scientists prove that psychological defense as a reaction occurs when there is a real or imaginary threat to the integrity of the individual, her identity or self-esteem. Ultimately, psychological protection is aimed at maintaining the stability of the self-esteem of the individual, his image of the Self and the image of the world, which is achieved:
Elimination of sources of conflict experiences from consciousness;
Transformation of experiences in such a way as to prevent the emergence of conflict;
The emergence of specific forms of response, behavior that reduce the severity of experiences of threat or intrapersonal conflict.
Ancestor of the study psychological protection is Z. Freud, who considered it as a form of conflict resolution between unconscious drives and internalized social demands and prohibitions. His daughter, Anna Freud, saw in the mechanisms of psychological defense and ways to resolve external conflicts, ways to adapt to the social environment. According to A. Freud, psychological defense mechanisms are the product of individual experience and learning. Thus, psychological defense was considered as a process of perception and transformation of a threatening or conflictogenic object. On this basis, about 20 types of psychological defense mechanisms have been described. The main ones are:
- Crowding out- elimination from consciousness of unacceptable inclinations and experiences;
- jet formation(inversion) - transformation in the mind of the emotional attitude to the object to the exact opposite;
- regression- return to more primitive forms of behavior and thinking;
- identification - unconscious assimilation of a threatening object;
- rationalization - a rational explanation by a person of his desires and actions, the true causes of which are rooted in irrational socially or personally unacceptable inclinations;
- sublimation - transformation of the energy of sexual attraction into socially acceptable forms of activity;
- projection - attributing to other people their own repressed motives, experiences and character traits;
- insulation - blocking negative emotions, ousting from consciousness the connections between emotional experiences and their source.
Psychological protection cannot be unambiguously considered as a useful or harmful phenomenon. It allows you to achieve a more or less stable state of the individual against the background of a destabilizing situation, traumatic experiences and contributes to successful adaptation to these conditions. At the same time, psychological protection does not allow a person to actively influence the cause, the source of the destabilizing situation. In this sense, an alternative to psychological protection can be either real intervention in the situation and its transformation. Either, or self-change, adaptation to the situation due to the transformation of the personality itself. The useful, adaptive effect of psychological defense is more pronounced when the scale of the conflict that threatens the integrity of the individual is relatively small. Exploring this aspect of psychological defense, D.A. Leontiev argues that in case of a significant conflict that requires the elimination of its causes, psychological defense plays a rather negative role, obscuring and reducing its emotional intensity and significance for the individual. Consequently, psychological protection has a limited, auxiliary role at certain stages of conflict situations, but resolves the conflict and does not transform the personality.
We are so filled with fear of rejection and claims that we hardly know whether we are deceiving ourselves or trusting ourselves. Most of the time we play roles avoiding contact with our feelings. Unconscious (collection mental processes and conditions caused by the phenomenon of reality, the influence of which the subjects are not aware of) the fear of rejection does not allow us to build relationships with a partner we like. Why are we afraid? And how does suppressing our own feelings affect our health? In this article we will try to answer these questions, for the basis we will take an American psychiatrist and psychotherapist, creator of bioenergy analysis(from the Greek bio - "life" + energeia - "activity" and analysis - "dismemberment", a kind of psychotherapy) A. Lowen.
In this article, it is advisable to rely on the definition of the emotion of fear as a negative emotional state that appears when the subject receives information about a possible threat to his well-being, about a real or imagined danger. Unlike the emotion of suffering caused by direct blocking of the most important needs, a person experiencing the emotion of fear has only a probabilistic forecast of possible trouble and acts on the basis of this (often an insufficiently reliable or exaggerated forecast). For a person as a social being, fear often becomes an obstacle to achieving his goal (K. Izard).
Our feelings manifest themselves in different ways, often we are not even aware of them and do not know how to express them correctly. In many cases, we do not show them at all, but we press and turn them inward, and this is the main cause of psychosomatic disorders. ( psychological illness due to psychological factors), the heart, stomach and back suffer, in some cases the appearance of excess weight. Such a destructive non-manifestation, blocking one's own feelings ( the main type of emotions characteristic of a person, they are innate) And emotions (direct, temporary experience of some feeling) comes from childhood, hiding in adulthood in an impregnable bunker.
In childhood, an attitude to one’s own feelings is formed, until a certain time, when socialization has not yet left its mark, the child sincerely shows his emotions, he freely and easily shares with everyone, then gradually under the influence of the external environment, he learns to restrain his feelings, and sometimes begins to hide emotions even from himself. Let's look at the occurrence of a violation, blocking one's feelings. According to A. Lowen, one of the reasons is the loss of love of one of the child's parents, which leaves an imprint for life.
For example: a mother, due to a lack of strength and time, loaded with some kind of business or the appearance of a second child, does not devote time to the first, and because of this, he feels a longing for the mother’s attention, such inaccessibility leads to the first experience of a “broken heart” in life ". Arises sadness (a state of spiritual bitterness that is caused by separation, a feeling of loneliness, failure to achieve a goal, disappointment, unfulfilled hope. The main reason is the loss of something significant for a person) and suppressed, but it remains in the body and is remembered in it.
Such anguish gives rise to the development of a hard pectoral shell of the chest, which protects the heart. The child does not understand that his mother has other things to do, he wants to receive his need, and then, subsequently, without losing hope in every possible way, he wants to receive this love and decides to be good, studies well, constantly achieves success, while experiencing guilt ( a combination of feelings of fear, auto-aggression and protection from this internal aggression, which the person imposes on himself as a result of thoughts or actions that violate his internal prohibition. Self-feeling with guilt - “I am bad / bad”, often accompanied by such somatic sensations as muscle tension in various parts of the body, involuntary facial expressions, respiratory failure, increased heart rate, changes in blood pressure, etc. It comes from the unconscious).
A. Lowen in his works writes about the origin of guilt in a child: “.... guilt is born from the assumption that we are unworthy of love until we deserve it with good deeds. The fact that we feel angry towards those who hurt us and hate those who betrayed our love does not make us bad people. Such reactions are biologically natural, so they should be treated as morally acceptable. However, children who are dependent on parents and other adults can be easily convinced that the reality is different. A child who feels that he is not loved thinks that some kind of mistake has occurred, because the thought does not fit in his mind that the mother and father who gave him life could not love him. If he begins to doubt them, it is not difficult for his parents to convince him that it is "bad" when he feels anger or hatred towards them. If "good behavior" guarantees him love, the child will do everything in his power to be "good", along with the suppression of "bad" feelings. Thus, the feeling of guilt programs his behavior for life, forbidding him negative feelings in relation to the body, whom he should love. This causes a state of chronic muscular tension, especially in the upper back. The tension in the muscular system depends on our will, controlled by the ego (according to Freud, it performs executive functions, being an intermediary between the external and inner world), which often acts contrary to the desires of the heart. Fearing rejection, we withdraw the hand that wanted to touch someone and hug someone; lips that would like to kiss or suck (as happens with babies); or we avert the eyes that we would like to watch ..... "
But at the same time, wanting love and recognition, we do everything to attract attention to ourselves, “... hiding behind the facade of narcissism (low self-esteem; compensatory arrogance; anxiety; fear of failure; fear of success; need to be always right; difficulty making decisions; detachment from one's own feelings; need for continuous admiration; fear of intimacy), the goal of which, on the one hand, is to receive approval and admiration, and on the other hand, compensation and denial of internal feelings of inferiority, despair and sadness. good example the personality of this is a man who develops muscles in order to give the impression of strength, masculinity and power. In most cases, the lost child is hiding behind the macho façade. splitting between appearance bodybuilder and an inner sense of loneliness splits the inner integration of his personality.
In a culture like ours, oriented mainly towards such values ego(lat. ego - “I”), like power and success, in the personality structure of most people there is a share of narcissism. The main question here is to what extent a person remains in touch with his deep feelings and with his body ... ".
Thus, embellishing our appearance, putting on a mask of confidence and charm, while the heart is in the bunker, we do not even realize that this state of affairs has very serious consequences for health, as the heart loses its vitality. We all want love but avoid it because we're afraid of rejection unconscious fear closes the way to the heart. Childhood trauma left a deep mark, which makes a barrier to lips that would like to kiss. And eyes that we would like to look at.
In conclusion, we can conclude that we live and accept the false values of the ego, and do not realize it. Perhaps there are a lot of reasons for destructive non-manifestation, blocking one's feelings and emotions, and all of them are individual, connected with personal attitudes, and it is better to work on this in a specialist's office. First of all, we need to realize that the head is not for making money, the genitals are not for entertainment, the heart is not isolated from the head and the satisfaction of the flesh, has not lost touch with the world, but everything is interconnected and functions together. Realizing this, we will be able to control the appearance of the emotion of fear in our soul, and our life will become happier, from the fact that we accept the feeling of love and ourselves as we are. Opening the bunker where they hid their heart to freedom and love.
Bibliography:
- Lowen A. Sex, love and heart: psychotherapy of a heart attack / Per, from English. S. Koleda - M .: Institute of General Humanitarian Research, 2004 - 224 p.
- Lowen A. Psychology of the body: bioenergy analysis of the body / Per. from eng. S. Koleda - M .: Institute for General Humanitarian Research, 2007 - 256s.
- Jaro Stark, Tonn Kay, James Oldheims C 77 Gestalt Therapy Techniques for Everyday: Take the Risk of Being Alive / Per. from eng. Rodred. G.P. Butenko. - M.: Psychotherapy, 2009. - 176 p.
