What do you need to do to not go? How to get sick and not go to school? How to fake illness and how to get sick for real? Cold. Lasts a week or more

It's amazing how many schoolchildren dream of getting sick so as not to go to school. It happens, of course. For such, below are several ways to get the symptoms of a cold, or worse, and quite quickly. However, it is better to think carefully before deciding on actions that are unsafe for health.

The simplest thing that comes to mind is to hold the thermometer in hot water or attach it to the battery. The main thing is not to overdo it and create a temperature in order to stay at home, and not get into intensive care by ambulance. For corrosive parents, you can warm your head with a hot stream of air from a hair dryer, and only then voice health complaints.

A very simple way to ensure is to wash your hair and sit by an open window or take a shower (even better a bath) and do the same while the body is still warm. You can, of course, take a short walk in the fresh air, but if the parents are at home, they are unlikely to let you out. The method, of course, is not a quick response and must be carried out in advance, but depending on the state of immunity, the effect can be long-lasting.

But more efficient methods

Drop a drop of iodine on a piece of refined sugar or bread and eat. The temperature will rise to 37.70C, but not for a long time, for a maximum of a day. The main thing is not to get poisoned, because it is not known how the body will react, with a weak heart and fainting can be.

You can buy several servings of ice cream and concentrated mint gum. Eat alternately, then ice cream, then chewing gum. At a minimum, a reddened throat is provided.

Another extreme method is to crush the ice into pieces and pour into a glass filled 1/6 cold water. Swallow everything at once. The effect is that the ice becomes cold from the inside, starting to melt and exuding cold. For some, a glass of milk from the refrigerator will be enough.

Who would have thought, but the body temperature rises, almost to 39 C, if you rub your armpits with salt or garlic.
You can portray acute poisoning in front of your parents, talking about pain in the abdomen and severe nausea, rushing out. And then in the bathroom, with the help of jerky water poured out of the bucket, and the corresponding sound design, demonstrate your pain. The face is also made appropriate, well, 2-3 days of home treatment.

23 ways not to go to school and how to do it)

1. "Mom, can't Mona go anywhere today? Well, I really, really don't want to!" Mom will look understandingly and will allow you not to go anywhere. One day. If it works, then you are extremely lucky, because. Not every child is lucky to have such parents.

2. Try to complain to your parents before school that you allegedly have a headache (as a rule it rolls, but of course not often).

3. You can just not go to school, but sleep or go about your business, but it’s better to insure yourself before teachers and parents (just say the next day that you felt bad).

4. It is possible for parents or teachers to drive as a standard about the stomach, but anything can happen: some will believe, others will not.

5. If you didn’t learn something or forgot to do it, then here’s a good excuse: You take a briefcase, hide it in some most hidden place at school. right now I’ll look and come to the lesson 15-20 minutes after it started (the briefcase should be a little bit dirty, like it was lying around somewhere, but you can do without it), you go into the angry class and everyone’s homework has already been checked and you calmly sit down and do it what they do in class. 100% works only you have to play as an actor!!!

6. And in general, a good option (it works at our school) - you answer in any subject (voluntarily), you get, for example, 4 (you have to try hard) and then you can safely not do it for 2-3 lessons. The only downside of this is that you have to be able to force yourself to do something at least once + if there are few people in the next lessons, they can ask more.

7. You can still safely come to the 2nd or 3rd lesson, excuse: problems, passed medical examination at the clinic, it will be necessary to go tomorrow, etc...

8. About the alarm clock (overslept) - an effective thing.

9.Typo you can tell teachers that "I handed you a job" - this is real, once I loaded the teacher so that she gave me 5 ...

10. To be let go home - this is the topic: there are a lot of ointments against injuries (Finalgel, Finalgon, etc.), you take a tube, squeeze it onto your finger, just a little ointment, the size of a pea, and you smear your forehead, then you wash your forehead (otherwise it will burn a lot), and you go to the lesson to mow .....

11. You can just take a thermometer and use the force of friction by rubbing the thermometer on the leg (do not rub the current for a long time and constantly check the temperature on the scale).

12. We also wrap the tip of the thermometer in a sheet or duvet cover and blow into the sheet, the temperature in the thermometer begins to rise sharply, blow to the desired temperature, and put the thermometer under the armpit in order to maintain the desired temperature.

13. A good way - holding your breath to raise the temperature - actually works. It rises in 5 minutes to 37. You just need to hold your breath for as long as you can, continue the procedure for 5-10 minutes.

14. A very cool way: it means you take a doctor's certificate (any) and scan it on a PC, then in various programs (I use ADOBE PHOTOSHOP) you edit it as you like, you can write: due to illness or the temperature has risen there ... Well, the possibilities are unlimited! !!

15. So everything is standard: "I forgot my notebook":) We have a class up to the sixth maximum. And then two without talking!

16. Recently I rolled such a chip: it means you like very bad, the head hurts or something. You go to the doctor, tell everything you thought up... The measure of temperature and pressure is provided to you. I tell you how to increase the pressure in record time: strongly clench and unclench your fists, be sure to quickly, as much as you can. Continue the procedure for 1-2 minutes. ... Good luck!!!

17. Another topic about a thermometer: You take a thermometer, squeeze its tip into a fist (so that it does not come out of your fist) and gently hit the other side of the thermometer with your palm, that's all. Turning the thermometer over, respectively, changes the effect on the scale - it either decreases or increases.

18. Who was lucky with a good Classroom teacher, then everything is quite simple: you go up to her and say: “I had a fever yesterday, I can’t sit in class, can I go home ???” I repeat: only for good leaders (otherwise it won’t work). Posted by soos(Denis)

19. I advise! Rewind the finger of the hand you are writing with with a bandage => come to school and say that you have badly injured your finger ... As a result, you do not write for a whole week, such a minus may consist in the demand for certificates from you, but not the fact that they will require ...

20. Another excuse: You approach a familiar high school student and say: "Write a note, brother, for me." you dictate to him / her, you immediately carry a note to the classmate and leave the school. Written by my friend.

21. And you can completely become insolent and skip right at school. If you don’t want to go to class, you take a friend, ask the guards (of course you are on good terms with them) to open the locker room, crawl under the hangers, take off a couple of jackets, well, to make it warmer, fall apart under them and do whatever you like. And the guard closes behind you until the end of the lesson. added my sister (A-Gorod)

22. My advice from absenteeism for one day is very simple - you approach the class leader and say that you need to go to the doctor, it’s good to call a doctor with a country word, for example, an endocrinologist. I didn’t do it myself, but my classmates rolled.

23. Another trick! Rolls 100%!
In the evening you take your keys and put them in your mother's bag! When she leaves (in the morning) after 10 minutes, you call her and raise a panic!! She tells you, like, find spare ones! I didn't find spare ones!!

There are days when you don't want to go to school at all. A test for which I am not ready, terrible events or conflicts with classmates, all this is definitely not happy, and I just want to stay at home.

There are a lot of ways to get sick and not go to school, but there are 2 main ways to solve this problem: feign illness or really get sick. And although the second method is more reliable, it can lead to consequences that you never expect: you planned to stay at home for a day, but spent a month in the hospital on droppers; wanted to cause nausea, landed in the hospital with poisoning and had to do a gastric lavage (and this is not a pleasant procedure).

How to fake illness so you don't go to school

When measuring temperature, you can attach a thermometer to a light bulb, or dip it in hot water, but do not overdo it, 37.2-37.4 is enough to stay at home, but 42 will cause serious suspicion; and if the parents are very gullible - a real panic.
You can rub your armpits with salt, in which case you can measure the temperature right in front of your parents and they will not notice anything, and the temperature on the thermometer will be high.
In addition to the previous methods, for greater persuasiveness, you can heat your forehead with a hairdryer or heating pad, this will help if the parents first decide to check your temperature with their own hands (literally and figuratively).
You can put a drop of iodine on a sugar cube of refined sugar, the temperature will rise again, but the main thing is not to overdo it, otherwise you can already be seriously poisoned.

How to get really sick

So, if you think that your parents will not believe in a simple simulation, and you decide to get reliably and seriously ill and not go to school, then this is your and only your responsibility. There is a high risk that you will become seriously ill and spend a lot of time in the hospital with such actions, so you do not need to go for walks with wet hair or drink boiling oil, these are ways to commit suicide rather than skip school. More secure ways:

Drink cold in the heat - you can catch a cold or sore throat.
There is ice cream on the street - you may have to eat more ice cream than you are used to and quite quickly. The effect will intensify if the weather outside is already cold or, conversely, hot and hot.
Standing in the wind is again a cold or sore throat, but take care of your ears if it blows them, inflammation of the inner ear will have to be treated for a long time and in a hospital.
Scream enough - you will hoarse and your throat will hurt.
Wet your feet while walking - relevant in autumn and spring.

Whatever method you choose, be careful, and it’s better not to hurt at all.

In childhood, for some reason, everyone tends to get sick in order to get away from school. And when you are over 30, for some reason you don’t want to get sick, and even vice versa: you dream of returning to the time when you were full of strength and health. Nevertheless, our attempts to get really sick in 5 minutes took place, nothing serious happened as a result of them. And now you can talk about it (mother will definitely not scold)

One day you must have gotten sick. My friend and I went to a street pump and began to drink ice-cold water from it (it was in winter). Then we went to the store, ate ice cream. And they fixed the result with a five-fold exit to the unglazed balcony barefoot in the snow. The next day the temperature rose in the region of degrees. The throat was red, but it did not come to a sore throat or bronchitis. The resulting effect was just enough to sit at home for 1 week.

This story is now already perceived as follows: Thank God that they did not “earn” anything more serious than a common cold. Experimenting with your health like that is nonsense. No test is worth it. After all, it may come to the hospital, injections, and then you will definitely regret that you so dreamed of getting sick.

In our time, there was no Internet, and therefore it was necessary to solve the issue by radical methods. But now people on the net describe quite harmless ways of completely and partially simulating the disease. They say that it is almost not dangerous for health. Here are some "bad tips" on how to get sick quickly:

After a hot shower or bath, drink a glass of very cold fat milk (put it in the freezer for 20 minutes beforehand). Fat will cover the mucous membrane of the throat from the inside, and since it is icy, perspiration and sore throat are guaranteed.
Open the window wide open in winter and suck on Holes thermonuclear candy or mint gum. Causes redness and sore throat.

3. If you take magnesium sulfate, which has a diuretic effect (1 tablespoon per 1 glass of water), there will be diarrhea. A similar effect will occur if you eat something not fresh or crunch a pickle with milk or kefir. By the way, they write that the combination of plum + kefir does not allow you to get up from the toilet for a long time.

4. Candles called "Glitselaks" also have a laxative effect. They are inexpensive, inserted into the anus, according to the instructions. They are used as a quick remedy for constipation and to cleanse the intestines from feces before examining a proctologist.

5. But the combination of iodine + sugar to raise the temperature can be dangerous. Yes, if you put 1 drop of iodine on a piece of refined sugar and eat it, the temperature really rises for real, but it can come to resuscitation.

6. Having eaten the lead of a simple pencil, you can also cause a temperature increase in yourself quickly, literally in 5 minutes. It's just not very appetizing food.

A personal way to raise the temperature, which always worked in school years:

First, warm your fingers on the battery, and then press them against the thermometer. Warm-press. The temperature indicator will rise, but not really, but pretend. But you can show the thermometer to your mother and she will believe that there really is a temperature. I studied well, my behavior at school was diligent, so they always believed me.

And the most important advice: Take care of your health and do not do nonsense. It's better to get a deuce for a test once than to ruin your health 😉

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How to get sick and not go to school?

How to fake illness so you don't go to school

When measuring temperature, you can attach a thermometer to a light bulb, or dip it in hot water, but do not overdo it, 37.2-37.4 is enough to stay at home, but 42 will cause serious suspicion; and if the parents are very gullible - a real panic.
You can rub your armpits with salt, in which case you can measure the temperature right in front of your parents and they will not notice anything, and the temperature on the thermometer will be high.
In addition to the previous methods, for greater persuasiveness, you can heat your forehead with a hairdryer or heating pad, this will help if the parents first decide to check your temperature with their own hands (literally and figuratively).
You can put a drop of iodine on a sugar cube of refined sugar, the temperature will rise again, but the main thing is not to overdo it, otherwise you can already be seriously poisoned.

How to get really sick

Drink cold in the heat - you can catch a cold or sore throat.
There is ice cream on the street - you may have to eat more ice cream than you are used to and quite quickly. The effect will intensify if the weather outside is already cold or, conversely, hot and hot.
Standing in the wind is again a cold or sore throat, but take care of your ears if it blows them, inflammation of the inner ear will have to be treated for a long time and in a hospital.
Scream enough - you will hoarse and your throat will hurt.
Wet your feet while walking - relevant in autumn and spring.

Whatever method you choose, be careful, and it’s better not to hurt at all.

How to get sick before school

How often do you want to not go to school, especially when the control or just not hunting. Here's how you can quickly get sick in 5 minutes? Of course, you can't get sick like that. But in order not to go to school, you can just mow down that you are sick. This, of course, you can come up with in 5 minutes and not even noticeably deceive your mother.

The most common way is to increase body temperature. Say that you feel weak, that your head hurts and your whole body aches. In order to make sure that you are right, your mother will naturally make you measure the temperature. And here is a wonderful secret.

Look, you started asking me to make you hot tea. Then say that you feel unwell. The next step - mom will give you a thermometer to measure the temperature. And now the most important thing is to distract your mother for 1-2 minutes, so that you can stick the thermometer into hot tea and bring it to the desired temperature. Look, don't overdo it! The most optimal is 37.5. No more because above 38 they will start giving you all sorts of pills to bring down the fever. Or even better, a hysterical mom can call an ambulance. This has already happened to me, only I didn’t put a thermometer in tea, but put it on the battery. That was fun. Then I had to tell the truth that I deceived everyone. Another option, you can say that it’s cold on your feet and ask for something warming in the form of a heating pad or a bottle of hot water under your feet. Then everything is according to the scenario: you say that you are sick, you measure the temperature for 5 minutes using a heating pad, and of course you won’t go to school anymore.

If mom suddenly calls a doctor, don’t get lost and don’t be scared, stand your ground. There are such types of viruses that a throat and cough is not necessary. Just a general weakness throughout the body and a very sore head. That's what you have to say in order not to go to school. And the temperature can jump both up and normalize by itself.

There is another option, how to mow down from the school. But this can be done by those who really, really, really do not want to go to classes. In general, you need to induce vomiting. Only for this it is better to have breakfast first or just eat. Then put two fingers in your mouth and press on your tongue, causing a gag reflex. This is how you can really get sick in 5 minutes. Vomiting is a very powerful argument to keep a child out of school, because it can be the cause of various diseases and can be repeated more than once a day. But, if you are feigning vomiting, then you should not turn on the temperature, since in the complex you can thunder into the infectious diseases hospital. Either one or the other is not worth it together. Here, I think everything is clear to you, but I will say that this process is not very pleasant.

And yet, how much effort does it take to deceive mom and doctors, do you agree? Is it better to go to school?

Comments (14) on “How can you get sick in 5 minutes and not go to school”

Guys, you better go to school. You will not have time to look back, as the school is already behind you. We begin to appreciate only when we lose. Let's be smarter and appreciate these days.

Vika, what if you were called to do homework and you didn’t do what are you going to do?

Cheating is not the best option!

Parents shouldn't do this!

try one tablet of nicotinic acid. many people are allergic to them. like 20 minutes red! and do not deceive and make mom nervous, deceive better teachers. do your magic tricks at school

it's better to lie to your parents so that you don't go to school, I already did this when I didn't do my homework

But I know that you can’t lie, well, in such a case, you can not get 2

Hooray I DID NOT GO TO SCHOOL UUUUURRRRRAAAAA

Sasha. Mom knows that you are here)))

The best way to vomit is to take 1 tablespoon of soda and a glass of water, drink in small sips and wait a little, and what you were waiting for begins!

When I was at school I felt bad, I did this and threw up, then the teachers told me to go home!

It helps a lot and you don't have to lie.

1. She will check the temperature on her chin or on her arm. 2. Time will not drink tea, and if you eat in the morning, you will sit at the table, but in most families there is a dad, he will notice. 3. Maybe mom can send the sick to school.

Bravo, this excellent phrase is necessary just by the way

Definitely a great answer.

How to quickly get sick and not go to school?

Refined sugar (or bread)

for 1 piece one drop of iodine.

Temperature 37.7 feel

you are just wonderful (you don’t notice the temperature at all).

It only lasts for 1 day max.

Caution: you can get poisoned, everyone has different organisms

and you can faint if the heart is weak

Sit in the winter at the open window naked

and scream whatever comes into your head)

Beware: neighbors may complain =)

You buy Rondo or Hols,

and breathe through your mouth through the window in winter.

10 minutes of uninterrupted breathing can

raise the temperature to 38.2, checked.

Cons: Sore throat. Of the pluses for 2 weeks, however, acute respiratory infections \u003d)

Pencil lead (not colored)

raises the temperature to 37.5-38, but only for 3-4 hours.

(tested personally on me) *__________*

Caution: mono choke or poison

Just get drunk on cold milk and go for a walk

We will need: Hairdryer 1 pc. Thermometer 2 pcs.

Take a thermometer, heat it on a light bulb to the desired temperature).

Hairdryer warm your head)

Approach the parent with a complaint of a throat, give a thermometer.

A parent may say that your thermometer is buggy

and what needs to be measured by others. Take another))) well, you understand)

We will need: Bath 1 pc. , Bucket 1pc.

Approach a parent and complain of stomach pains (poisoned),

and now you're tired. Having previously drawn water into the bucket,

you run into the bath and gradually (as if in jerks),

with the sounds of tashnilovka, pour water from the ladle into the bath)

come out with a face like you were forced to eat something

what they give us at school.

Mission Complete. and so you can sit for 2-7 days)

Let it seem bonanal

but rub the armpits with salt (or garlic).

plain which you eat. and take the temperature.

up to 39 will jump =)

Take oil in a frying pan and heat it up

then you drink. Well, it doesn't hurt much, but a chemical burn from

sore throats can not be distinguished and the temperature is there and the throat is red.

Caution: you can really burn yourself all the insides

We take ice, a glass (from where vodka

drink (small (like 50 ml))) Crush ice,

but we don’t melt, like pieces of ice, but so that

swallowed at a time, pour 1/6 into a glass of cold water,

and pour ice. WITH A WAY AND AT A TIME WE SWALLOW! some teeth hurt.

The fact is that the ice does not have time to warm up and melts inside you.

Highlighting the cold there, or rather catching you from the inside

How to get sick before school

I offer you the fastest and most reliable way!

But for this you need geranium! Please note, not heroin is a drug, but an ordinary plant that helps against the common cold-geranium

You take it and put it in your nostrils stronger on a geranium petal, and that's all))

in five minutes your nose is red, you will constantly sneeze)) and you will definitely be left at home)))

I'm waiting for reviews))) and thanks! (Well, they won't leave me.)

17) I also tried to put two fingers in my mouth) Nausea did not go away for two hours, and if you do this several times you turn pale, you heat your forehead with a hairdryer. in short, I tried everything, everything helps, but tomorrow they will want to send me to school again! (I wouldn't wish this on my enemy)

18) you take a piece of chalk, draw a cross on the wall, move five meters away, run up, and head straight for the target! (the person who wrote this was already sick. all over his head)

stay at home lope hosh (super way!)

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174 comments

Iodine is useless in raising the temperature

Newfag replies in 369 days!

pf 2 hours. Norm you built a branch here. From school to mow is still such. I'm seriously trying to get away from the exam at the session

mow down from the exam - thing

when you realize that you can’t pass, well, that’s it. Or labs are not handed over for admission. Then you go to measures to take a certificate for that day

fuck knows how many years have passed, however, hello

I'll answer you in 417. Almost 317. Only cooler.

How to get sick at school without getting sick!

You are sitting in class, you are tired of all this, you are thinking about how to leave school, at least for a day. This can be done in a simple way, “getting sick” for half an hour. And now I will tell you how.

The first way is temperature: first you need to donate a simple pencil. You must break it and pull the graphite out of it. Then measure 2-3 centimeters and eat it (this is tasteless (checked by me)). After about 3-4 or even 5 minutes, you go to the doctor or to class teacher and say that you have a temperature, the doctor without thinking puts a thermometer in you, and you calmly put his armpit and wait for the result. The result is a temperature of 37.2 degrees (somewhere like that) and a calm trip home. After about a minute the temperature disappears.
The second way is also to get sick with a temperature, but it is false. Before school, take a regular balloon. Come to school and sit for at least 1 lesson. Then at recess, fill a balloon with hot water (a little). Then again go to the doctor and say that you have a temperature. Before entering the doctor, stick the ball under your armpit, and put the thermometer under the arm where the ball is. The result is the same. Just do not overdo it with the temperature of the water in the balloon, otherwise it will be 40.0 degrees, then they will take you to the hospital)).
The third and last method known to me is a lie. You come to the class teacher and say that today you need to go to the dentist and if the teacher is kind and good, then he will let you go.

So far, but maybe with a new one school year there are new ways to get out of school!!

How to get sick at school

It's amazing how many schoolchildren dream of getting sick so as not to go to school. It happens, of course. For such, below are several ways to get the symptoms of a cold, or worse, and quite quickly. However, it is better to think carefully before deciding on actions that are unsafe for health.

A very simple way that provides a real cold effect is to wash your hair and sit by an open window or take a shower (even better a bath) and do the same while the body is still warm. You can, of course, take a short walk in the fresh air, but if the parents are at home, they are unlikely to let you out. The method, of course, is not a quick response and must be carried out in advance, but depending on the state of immunity, the effect can be long-lasting.

But more efficient methods

You can buy several servings of ice cream and concentrated mint gum. Eat alternately, then ice cream, then chewing gum. At a minimum, a reddened throat is provided.

Another extreme method is to crush the ice into pieces and pour it into a glass filled 1/6 with cold water. Swallow everything at once. The effect is that the ice becomes cold from the inside, starting to melt and exuding cold. For some, a glass of milk from the refrigerator will be enough.

Who would have thought, but the body temperature rises, almost to 39 C, if you rub your armpits with salt or garlic.

You can portray acute poisoning in front of your parents, talking about pain in the abdomen and severe nausea, rushing out. And then in the bathroom, with the help of jerky water poured out of the bucket, and the corresponding sound design, demonstrate your pain. The face is also made appropriate, well, 2-3 days of home treatment.

You can raise your blood pressure by drinking 2-3 cups of very strong coffee. The method is suitable when visiting a clinic or calling a doctor at home, and then 5 days to improve health.

No need to take these tips seriously and joke with your health, because you can really attract the disease. Yes, and loved ones will worry, and worry for real.

How to get sick quickly

Schoolchildren and students who want to take a break from school dream of getting sick quickly so as not to attend a week of classes. Yes, and adults sometimes get so tired from work, housekeeping and other worries, when there is not a single moment of peace, that they begin to think: “I wish I could get sick quickly!”.

Do you want to get sick in order not to go to school or raise the temperature, thereby getting a sick leave? There are four most common ways: high fever, food poisoning, runny nose, red throat. A high temperature does not require real symptoms of the disease, you can just play well. She can be caught up before the arrival of the doctor, she will disappear just as quickly. If you have a red throat, the doctor can see firsthand that you are sick, so other symptoms are not needed. A runny nose can also be caused by improvised means, but here you also need to back it up with a good game. Food poisoning is easy enough to cause, if your parents see that you are suffering from vomiting or loose stools, they will certainly believe you. But you must remember that your plans do not include getting chronic diseases or serious complications. Therefore, serious mistakes must be avoided.

Go out with a wet head in the cold. You can get sick quickly, but also get meningitis, which is a very dangerous disease.
Go out without a hat in the cold. This method will not work if your immunity is strong. But again, there is a danger of earning meningitis.
Spoil the stomach. You can try to eat a large amount of spicy and salty to cause poisoning. But this may not work the first time, and if you apply this method constantly, an ulcer may form or gastritis may begin. And than long years you will suffer with these diseases.

These consequences must be remembered. And if you are really sick, you need to urgently start treatment.

How to quickly get sick at home

There is a huge variety of tips on how to get sick quickly, and they are effective:

Arranged draft will help to quickly get sick with a cold. Open windows or air conditioning will help you. It is much more effective if you still eat ice cream or a cold drink during a draft. Or sleep in a draft.
You can catch a cold if you walk barefoot on a cold floor in an apartment, in winter - on the street - in autumn boots, in puddles in summer. Wet feet are a guaranteed cold.
Help to get sick and physical activity. You need to sweat, and then go out into the cold.
In the cold, take about 100 deep breaths. Provided, at a minimum - a red throat, as a maximum - pneumonia.
To quickly get sick with a temperature, you need to drop a drop of iodine on sugar, and then eat this sugar. As a result - a huge temperature, and you are in intensive care, which is quite possible.
You can quickly get sick with a temperature in a harmless way - warm up your armpit. Hold a small jar of hot water under your arm.
You can take a shower, and then go outside steamed, after that you will quickly get sick with a temperature.
If possible, do not harm the body - attach a thermometer to the battery. Relatives will believe that you are ill with a temperature. Imagine how they will worry about you.
You can get a sore throat if you eat ice cream, chew mint gum, eat ice cream again - you are guaranteed a red throat.
Try to get a virus. There will always be someone you know who has the flu. Ask to sneeze on you, then, with a weakened immune system, you can quickly get sick with the flu, the complications from which are unpredictable.
In many ways, you can get sick with poisoning, for example, drinking stale juice. After that, poisoning, and possibly gastritis or worse, is guaranteed to you.
Take a pencil, remove the lead, eat some. You will get sick very quickly, the temperature will rise to 40 ° C, and you will find yourself in intensive care.
You can fool the doctor. Drink 2-3 cups of coffee, call a doctor at home, complain about high blood pressure. A couple of weeks of rest are provided, but coffee is in in large numbers may adversely affect the heart.

I hope that you will not take this article seriously, because a couple of days of rest are not worth it for you to get seriously ill. Don't joke with your health!

Now, without a twinge of conscience, we will teach you bad things. We talk about how to pretend to be sick so as not to go to work. And so that you don’t have anything for it.

We know you didn't feel like going to work today. But you pulled yourself together and came to the office. True, now you have already cursed your responsibility many times over. But do not despair, there is still a whole week ahead, you will definitely still have a chance to mow down the work. Yes, we said it. No, we are not ashamed at all. We would even add something trivial: we are not like that, the world is like that. But the world turns out to be completely different, at least ours with you Russian world. The study showed that only 18% of our fellow citizens skip work without a good reason. But, for comparison, in China the number of unscrupulous truants is 71%. It is necessary to somehow catch up, so that it would not be insulting for the state, and, well, for yourself. But we have some more statistics: every seventh truant in Russia immediately after exposure is driven to hell from the company. Here we will tell you how to relax in work time, do not be caught and fired.

Most workers cover up their unwillingness to work with various medical diagnoses. Well, we will not fight back from the majority and teach how to simulate correctly. This, by the way, is a whole science.

1. Choose the perfect day

You can’t just take it and say you’re sick on the first day that comes across. Of course, it is possible to say more precisely, but the result will be unpleasant and, at least, ineffective. And for everything to work, you need to connect the brain and the basics of strategic planning. So, for starters, remember if you had a decent number of absenteeism in Lately. Was it the case? Then you better be patient a little while everyone forgets about previous absences. Also, do not choose a super-important and stressful day for the company in order to relax. In this case, even if you really break all the limbs and your body temperature exceeds all possible medical indicators, you can still be called to work. Also, if you decide to skip Monday or Friday, you will have to be very convincing, because everyone will guess that you are just planning a three-day mini-vacation.

2. Remember all the good things

All the good things your employer has done for you. Then shed a tear and decide that after that you cannot deceive him and give up absenteeism forever. No, we are mocking you, we had no idea of suspecting such a sensitive and highly moral frame in you. But you still strain your memory and remember if you have ever been given a VHI policy. Because, if you did, then just to feel bad, you turned not to free (read as very slow and often useless) medicine, but to a doctor paid by the company, designed to quickly put you on your feet. In general, if you were very happy when you got a job that you were given VMI, now is the time to get upset and start thinking about other excuses.

3. The sooner, the more believable

As with everything in this life, absenteeism should also be taken care of in advance. On the eve of the scheduled day, begin to simulate the first signs of malaise. Stoically refuse humane offers to go home, declaring that work comes first for you. However, if you just want to cut half current day, you can act like the employee who simulated a pressure surge by squatting and rubbing his face with a waffle towel. Just remember that if you recently celebrated your twenty-fifth birthday, then this diagnosis should not be simulated for the next 20-30 years, no one will buy into it.

4. Get Ready

Before you stun the boss with your diagnosis, carefully consider all the details. To begin with, decide on the disease. Anticipate all possible questions and prepare believable answers. Do not choose a disease that is too complicated and one that is being treated for more than one day, because in this case it will be suspicious if you do not call a doctor. Study the symptoms of a pseudo-disease well, but do not quote a medical manual, it will give you away. Ideally, practice on your friends before making the life-changing phone call to your boss.

5. Call by the rules

Once you've perfectly prepared, it's time for the call itself. Call your boss early in the morning, the time you were supposed to wake up and start getting ready for work. In addition to the fact that an early call will add credibility to your story, there is a chance to run into a sleeping boss's answering machine. He, unlike the boss himself, will not ask unnecessary questions regarding your illness. Do not forget to work hard with your voice, accompanied by wheezing, sighs and coughing, it should sound so that the boss sheds a tear and asks if you can bring you tangerines. Still, it’s better to refuse tangerines, say that you won’t forgive yourself if you infect your beloved boss. On this, the boss must shed a tear again.

6. Don't get caught

If you decide to take a day off during working hours, try not to get caught. And they can catch you anywhere. For example, we know of a case where an employee was fired because the boss saw him standing in a traffic jam at the time when he said he was sick. So ideally stay at home or leave the city before the start of the working day. Being caught outside the Ring Road is much less likely, but they still exist.

7. Play, play like that

The fact that you begged for a day of freebies and remained unexposed, your game should not end. If you are happy and rested the next day, start galloping through the office corridors like a mountain goat, everyone will suspect that something is wrong here. "But what do I care, they won't prove anything anyway?" - you say. And we will answer you that we should think about the future. The desire to mow down the work, for sure, will appear in your future, and in order for everything to go perfectly again, take care of your reputation in advance. Therefore, the day after your well-played illness, go sad, sniffle and urge colleagues to take care of their health so as not to suffer like you. You can also come in with a protective medical mask so that everyone will definitely recognize you as a responsible employee who is ready to work, not even fully recovered from the illness, and even takes care of the health of his colleagues.

We and Stanislavsky believe in you. Your ideal plan and the skills of a strategist developed by computer games will provide you with impunity for relaxation and fame as a tireless workaholic. And don't forget to think of something to do on your free day!

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