Don't lose. Subscribe and receive a link to the article in your email.
In the life of every person there are people who are not very pleasant and constantly spoil the mood. Unfortunately, there is no sphere in which such people would not exist. Whether it's work public life or even family - you need to learn how to cope with such situations and get out of them without a bad mood.
But first of all, ask yourself if you personally are not the same person who annoys others. Because in this case, all this becomes very ironic, and the article turns into an introspection of your actions in relation to other people. And if you are, try to realize this and draw the right conclusions. And we will imagine an ideal situation in which you are not the irritant.
Believe in humanity
Very often we can be annoyed by people just for no reason. In such cases, the problem is with us. But if your interlocutor is really a rather unpleasant person, or is acting annoyingly today, it makes sense to come to your senses and think a little. Each person has his own reality, his own life, thousands of problems and thoughts, which in the end can result in not very adequate behavior. Therefore, it makes sense to become something like a psychologist - not to pay attention to words, but to think about what is behind them. After all, this is in any case better than automatically reacting to an irritant. When you put yourself in the place of another, you most likely will not even have time to get angry.
This person could not get enough sleep or something bad happened to him in the morning, so he behaves this way. Of course, this is not an excuse, but the very realization that a person says what he says, for known reasons, leads to understanding and lack of irritation. If a person does not sink to outright rudeness, there is a chance at least not to spoil his own mood and just try to understand him. If you do not want to understand, his irritability spurs yours and becomes much worse. So think about whether it makes sense to go on principle in a situation where both lose. Be wiser and more patient.
Have faith in humanity, because not everyone knows how to cope with their problems and takes out irritation on you. Understand that this is not something personal, this is a cry for help, albeit in such a strange form.
Bring clarity
Very often people get annoyed simply because they do not know you, do not know your desires and your thoughts. When you bring clarity to a conversation, even the most irritated person is able to understand and put themselves in your shoes. Let's think, whose fault is it that the other person does not know you. It is unlikely that this is his fault, part of it lies with you too.
Other people may not know what you really want and this is what can confuse them and even make them angry. Bring clarity to the conversation, hints are great in communicating in a different format. Annoyed people are too emotionally tense in this moment, their thoughts are confused, they do not know what to do and what to say. So, if anyone can resolve this situation, it's you. Surely in your life there were situations when you reacted calmly to the behavior of another person and this completely changed the entire structure of communication. So do this every time, take away your pride and make it clear exactly what you want from yourself and from him. Ask yourself a simple question: “Have I explained my position correctly?” instead of the standard thought "He should already know about it." It's embarrassing to admit, but sometimes it's your behavior that causes the other person's annoyance. Therefore, take on a responsible role to explain to the interlocutor what is happening.
Keep Patience and Help People
Again, this advice only helps if your interlocutor is not frankly rude to you. Otherwise, he does not deserve any respect.
But if you understand that, in general, he is simply annoyed more personally with himself, try to help him and stock up. In fact, learning how to get out of these situations with honor is a skill that will help you succeed in many areas of life. Agree that those who know how to deal with difficult people and have achieved excellence in repayment become incredibly successful. Let at least this slightly selfish point of view make you think that it makes sense to learn how to help people solve their problems.
When you shape your psychology in such a way as to help people, everything changes. Now you look at a person not as an enemy and a terrible person, you look much further. You see that your interlocutor cannot cope with the surging emotions on his own and start thinking about how to help him. This shift in consciousness can change your life; this skill will make you better, wiser and help you succeed.
Believe me, there are very few people who have patience and want to help others. So you can be that rare person, you will not have competitors. In a society where many think only of themselves, you think of others. Will you not be appreciated and listened to?
We cannot solve every situation, but we can learn to be mindful here and now. At first, it will be difficult to be patient and behave differently, but with practice this will come. The true art lies in solving one specific problem, calming your most annoyed client. Anyone can communicate with people when everything is fine, but solving the most difficult situations is incredibly difficult. Therefore, society appreciates such people. Maybe without enthusiasm and exaltation, but still appreciates. Be patient and try to behave differently in conflicts. Don't react the way you usually did.
Be sure to share your thoughts on how to deal with difficult people in the comments.
Talk to a close friend who doesn't know the person. Sometimes we just need to talk and let off some steam, it helps us feel better and relieve irritation. But you should not let off steam on a person who gets on your nerves, aggravating relations with him, it is better to talk with a good friend or someone close to you. At such moments, you really want to gossip about this person with one of your colleagues or with someone whom this person can also annoy, but try to overcome this desire and not make a drama.
- Call your mom or spouse and say, “Listen, do you have a couple of minutes to chat? I need to talk about one person I'm working with..."
- You can ask a friend or loved one to just listen to you, or you can ask for advice.
Look at this person's behavior from a different perspective. Be aware that he may be doing this unintentionally. Perhaps the little thing that irritates you is just one of his character traits. In addition, certain moments in your behavior and your character can also annoy other people, remember this. And do not be too cruel with this person if you do not want to offend him and hurt him to the quick. If you feel like the situation is getting out of control, if the person is angry, just end the conversation and go about your business, otherwise an argument may break out.
- Think about times when you annoyed someone around you. Recognize the fact that these people's anger and anger towards you didn't help resolve the situation, it only made you both feel worse.
- Remind yourself that those moments that annoy you may be completely normal for other people. And this feeling of irritability comes from you, it is born inside you, and not in another person.
Look at this situation as a whole. Very often it turns out that the little things that annoy you at the moment can be completely forgotten in a week or even an hour. If you feel like tension is starting to build up because someone is annoying you, laughing at you, or teasing you, just think, “Will this matter after a while?”
Try to lighten the mood with humor. Humor and laughter are the best medicine, and this case is no exception. If you feel like you're about to explode, try to soften the situation somehow with a joke. Watch funny videos on YouTube, scroll through the news with funny pictures in in social networks or call a friend who can cheer you up. All this will improve your mood, and it will be easier to deal with the situation.
- The distancing method is very helpful when emotions start to overflow. Just take a break, shift your attention to something else that you like, and after a while, when you cool down a bit, you can return to the situation and deal with it.
If necessary, report the person's indecent behavior. For example, in the case when a person deliberately tries to annoy you, and also if his behavior borders on mocking. For example, if a colleague plays cruel pranks and jokes on you, and this distracts you from work and generally disturbs your calm state, his behavior can be considered unacceptable. Also, it is not normal for a person to call you names or, for various reasons, try to contact you outside of work. Report inappropriate behavior to a higher authority (this could be your boss, teacher, etc.).
In an ideal world, every person with whom you communicate will be attentive, kind, generous, sympathetic, and so on. These people will understand any jokes without offense ...
Unfortunately, we do not live in an ideal world. Most of us in Everyday life there are people who call negative emotions. Sometimes we know why it happens, sometimes we don't. There is no getting away from this, we have to work and communicate with people who are unpleasant to us.
1. Start with yourself
When you communicate with a person who is unpleasant to you, remember that you cannot change him, but you can change the attitude towards him. Take control of your emotions. This person is not worth the nerves that you spend on him.
2. Stay neutral
In a controversial situation, do not find out which of you is right. Let everyone have their own opinion on a particular issue and save your nerves.
3. “What if…?”
This question will allow you to consider communication with an unpleasant person from a different angle. You perceive the relationship with this person as negative, but even in this situation you can see something good. Try to consider the positive aspects in a person and note them for yourself. "What if he wished me well?" — ask yourself.
Very often people do not notice the good. We think this goes without saying. But when a person does something wrong, we immediately notice it.
Try to praise and support the person you don't like when he really deserves it. In time, you will hear the same in response. After a while, you will stop considering him an unpleasant person.
4. Increase the space
Move to work in another room, sit at the other end of the conference table, try to communicate more with other people. Ignoring is an effective way.
When you answer, communication with the person continues. If you say that you are busy and do not have time to talk, then the unpleasant interlocutor will have no choice but to switch his attention to someone else.
5. Draw boundaries
Decide clearly for yourself what you can tolerate and what not, and stick to those limits. Warn the person who tries to violate them about your limits of patience. You must make it clear what is unacceptable for you and what the consequences may be.
6. Don't take it too seriously
If a person treats you badly, don't take it personally. Perhaps he is so critical of everyone around him. There are people who are always dissatisfied with everything. Listen only to those people whose opinion is authoritative for you.
7. Be honest
Directness and openness will help you get rid of unpleasant people. If you can't help someone, don't make excuses, just say no. If you do not want to communicate with someone, just inform the person in a gentle way. Some people don't even know they annoy you.
In everyday life and, most importantly, at work, you constantly have to deal with people who are preoccupied, twitchy, nervous, unrestrained, ready to throw themselves at you almost with their fists if they think that they have been offended or insulted, although you did not think of anything like that.
One way or another, you have to deal with and communicate with such people, whether you like it or not. As psychologists advise, the main thing in such communication is to achieve such a response from the interlocutor that you would like to receive. To do this, you need to carefully monitor the body language and body movements of the "opponent". The better you can master this, the more expert you will become in such matters, advises psychiatrist Mark Goulston, author of books on psychiatry and psychology.
It is very important, the expert notes, that when people show anxiety and concern, their brains literally jam due to the inability of the middle, emotional part of the brain to enter into interaction with the upper, rational part.
A person of great labor who finds himself in such a situation should restrain himself and not follow the primitive animal instinct according to the principle of "fight or run." However, he is still able to do something impulsively, and this will only make everyone worse.
The fact is that the “jammed brain” cannot listen to instructions, much less follow them. So the more you talk to nervous person, the more pressure you put on the middle part of his brain, which is why, in the end, his brain will slam shut even faster, like the wings of a clam, and will not heed your words.
However, there are ways of soft and trusting communication that could relieve tension and ease the performance of the brain of your interlocutor. It is very important to understand that the perception of your manner of speaking does not necessarily turn out to be the way you yourself think about it.
So, how to most effectively meet challenges in dialogues with nervous people?
1. Do not allow a manner of speaking in which it will seem to your interlocutor that you are talking to him as if he is an “empty place” - this will hurt him, and his first desire will be to “run away” and stop the conversation as soon as possible.
2. Do not resort to the manner of pointing, as if you are pointing a finger in the face of the interlocutor. Your listeners will either take a submissive pose with their chin down to their neck, showing with all appearance: “please don’t be angry with me”, or they will, on the contrary, raise their chin and narrow their eyes, as if letting them know: “don’t dare to speak to me in such a tone! »
3. On the contrary, adopt a soft manner of speaking. Then your nervous interlocutors will begin to shake their heads in agreement, as if declaring: “yes, this makes sense.” This is the most common way to talk. Let it be constantly in your arsenal.
4. There is another method of heartfelt conversation, as if the neurotic saw in front of him a loving parent or grandparents. Then the interlocutor, to whom you seemed to turn the words: “everything will be fine, we can settle everything,” will relax from the neck to the shoulders. This is an example of "intimate conversation". Use it when the situation dictates.
In addition, Goulston still has ways in reserve to quickly recognize a very unpleasant category of people called upstarts, or ignorant know-it-alls who cannot give an account of what they are actually talking about. Their defiant behavior sometimes stuns and interferes with life, and the victims do not always manage to react correctly and quickly, like the deer that was caught in the blinding headlights.
Sometimes, therefore, in order not to lose self-control, you have to call on all your self-control to the rescue, and that is why it is sometimes so difficult to say “no!” such a jerk.
If the world were perfect, then every person with whom you had to communicate would be cheerful, attentive, kind, generous and have a dozen more positive qualities. There would be no envy, self-interest, anger in people, and there would be no wars on the planet. Unfortunately, we live in a different reality: with wars and evil people. And instead of complaining, you have to adapt. The realization that the people around us are imperfect can be frustrating. But at the same time, understanding this prepares for communication and interaction with unpleasant personalities.
There are 7 proven ways that will help you interact with difficult people without unnecessary hassle and scandals, without wasting your energy and nerves.
1. Take breaks
Many of us tend to make impulsive decisions that are dictated not by reason, but by feelings. Then you have to deal with the consequences. During a quarrel, we do not back down; we do not pause when we are criticized; we immediately begin to defend ourselves, instead of finding out what is the reason for the failure. Such behavior destroys not only business ties, but also friendships, relationships, even families. The secret is that we must learn to take a little pause to give ourselves time to cool down and think about the answer. After you are criticized, you immediately want to enter into a verbal battle and prove to the wrong side that you did your best, and it’s not your fault. And even if you are right, the impulsiveness and emotionality with which you will submit information will become your enemy.
After a short pause, you will calm down and think over a competent answer. You will also be able to soberly assess the situation, and if there is really your fault in a particular failure, then you will begin to work on the mistakes. A pause can discourage the opponent a little, and besides, it will have a beneficial effect on him. Don't blurt out the first thing that comes to mind and you won't fall into the trap of rash words.
2. Stay neutral
Once you have decided that you do not like a particular person, then any of his actions or phrases become irritants. He will seem awkward, stupid, and over time will begin to infuriate every atom of your being. But think about this: the person you don't love so much is someone's son, a beloved brother, maybe a father. In fact, he is a good guy who has become a victim of your subjective attitude. Someone loves him and is waiting for a call or message from this person.
You should not love him, but get rid of prejudices and treat those who are unpleasant to you without any emotions. Sometimes someone who initially made a terrible impression turns out to be a nice guy later on, and the negative attitude you have formed can become a barrier to normal communication. Do not focus on the negative and treat people who irritate you neutrally. Thanks to this approach, it will become much easier to communicate with them and you will not be so critical of the actions and words of these people.
3. Instead of ultimatums, use “what if…”
If you have a dialogue with a difficult person who is not famous for his best character, but you have to defend your positions and make suggestions, then you can go for a trick. Start a phrase that contains a specific sentence with the words "what if ...". Let's look at a real example. “You have to get your employees to come to work an hour early throughout the month so that they have time to complete the plan.” It sounds very ultimatum and even a little disdainful of human labor. But what if you framed this sentence a little differently: “What if your employees show up an hour early during the month to meet the plan?” First, you ask a question, not an ultimatum. Secondly, the interlocutor feels that his opinion is important, and it will be much easier for you to come to a compromise. Use these tricks to achieve your goals.
4. Create a personal space
If a particular person infuriates you so much that you simply cannot interact with him, then create a space for yourself where he will not be around. Work in another room, if possible; at a corporate evening, sit at the other end of the table; zone your space so that interaction with this person is minimal. Also, you can isolate yourself from him psychologically. For example, do not participate in discussions initiated by this person; do not focus on his comments. Just eliminate any influence this person has on your life.
5. Create boundaries in communication
Now let's talk about individuals who know no boundaries and like to stick their nose where they shouldn't. They may ask a lot of personal questions that not everyone will want to answer. They want to express their opinion on any issue, cannot resist arguing and just love to discuss other people. Create boundaries and talk about them. Explain that there is a personal thing that you should not ask about, especially in front of strangers. One tough conversation will eliminate any conflicts and misunderstandings in the future.
6. Give me a “chance of redemption”
This is a simple way, which at the same time requires cunning and ingenuity from you. Imagine someone getting in line ahead of you. You can start a conflict that can end in anything. And you can say the following: “Oh, you must not have realized that the queue starts a little further and I am also standing in it.” Thus, you do not poke a person's face in his omission, but give a chance to correct the situation. Even a conflicted person will not swear if you choose exactly this approach that works for almost all cases.
7. Accept that many of the things you don't like about others you don't like about yourself.
It's not easy to accept, right? But most of all we are annoyed by people in whom we see a reflection of our weaknesses. Lack of punctuality, inappropriate jokes - all this is in us. Only we do not perceive our own shortcomings so critically. Before adding someone to the list of "despicable", think about what caused your negative attitude. Understand your own shortcomings before blaming other people for them.
