Writers, critics and directors, in a conversation with BUSINESS Online, remember the “Casanova thaw” who passed away at the age of 85
The famous poet Yevgeny Yevtushenko, who died at the end of last week, will be buried in the writers' village of Peredelkino in accordance with his will. Departure of a man-epoch in history domestic literature will inevitably give rise to a mass of memories, assessments and living testimonies. Elena Cheremnykh, columnist for BUSINESS Online, talked to cultural and art figures about who was sure that "a poet in Russia is more than a poet."
“FOR THIRTY TO ME. I AM SCARY AT NIGHT"
On Saturday in Tulsa, Oklahoma, he died at the age of 85. The diagnosis - "cardiac arrest" - in relation to the era of poets of the sixties sounds metaphorical. Now historians will understand what this era was like and what place Yevtushenko's poetry occupied in it. The most curious, probably, will be the change in the degree of sympathy for the work of one of the most controversial and, in a certain sense, the most adventurous representatives of the Soviet Thaw poetry.
Yevtushenko's most famous phrase - "a poet in Russia is more than a poet" - already during his lifetime made him a part of history - not only Soviet, not only poetic, but also folk, almost Russian folk. In contrast to the poem "Bratskaya HPP" itself, which today looks like a sweeping civic gesture of a person who desperately needed to pour himself out loud and very lyrically.
For thirty me. I'm scared at night.
I will bend the sheet with my knees,
I drown my face in a pillow, I cry in shame,
That I wasted my life on trifles,
And in the morning I spend it again in the same way.
Nothing like the honest, almost foolish splashing out of oneself in the image lyrical hero V Russian poetry not remembered. Unlike Pushkin, Lermontov, Pasternak, from whom Yevtushenko asked for inspiration in the “Prayer” from the prologue of the same “Bratskaya Hydroelectric Power Station”, he himself, as an author, did not at all distance himself from either poetic constructions or from life moods. He wrote as he lived - excitedly, verbose, talented, at high speeds, ahead of time and as if trying to overtake himself. Almost becoming a football player in his youth, he also lived in poetry - as on a large football field.
Stadiums of listeners gathered for his performances. Thin-necked, wiry, from somewhere in Siberia, who arrived in Moscow from Zima Station, he remained a kid seeking the attention of the masses. Yevtushenko chose the most extreme ways to build and live. As an 18-year-old graduate student, he had already joined the Writers' Union of the USSR. In 1963, barely 30, he had already written and published his Premature Autobiography, for which he received a severe reprimand from the authorities. The wolfish appetite for fame did its job, at all speeds pushed him to the still unexperienced, still unknown.
Yevtushenko is the first Soviet poet to be interviewed by Playboy magazine. The first poet of the sixties, on whose poems, including "Babi Yar", a whole symphonic work was written - Shostakovich's Thirteenth Symphony. The first and, most likely, the only one I visited Marlene Dietrich. The first, whose collection "White Snows Are Falling" sold 100,000 copies. According to legend, he wanted to shoot in the role of Christ himself Pierre Pasolini. Angry at him Nobel laureate Joseph Brodsky. But the dissident writer forgave him Andrey Sinyavsky.
It is difficult to say whether Yevtushenko was a favorite of the muses. He himself threw himself into their arms, not too interested in the problem of reciprocity. In the film "Rise" he played Tsiolkovsky. Himself as a director made films " Kindergarten and Stalin's Funeral. Born in distant Siberia, he traveled the whole world with the same ease as in last years, without becoming a recluse, visited Karelia, the homeland of his wife, a Petrozavodsk woman. And in July 2014, in Kazan, he even performed on a “frying pan” at the monument to Lenin in front of university youth.
A light sense of life, sociability, indomitable curiosity and much more symbolize his poetic destiny in categories close to an adventure novel. The feeling that life of such an eventful volume opposes the dull genre of an obituary made BUSINESS Online turn to leading Moscow and St. Petersburg critics, poets, and journalists of different age groups for comments. Many of them turned out to have something to say about the place and role of Yevtushenko in poetry, in history, and even in their personal biographies.
“I CONCERN HIS DEATH AS THE DEATH OF A SYMBOL, THE LAST “LIVING EVIDENCE” OF THE THAW AGE”
Elizabeth Smirnova- poet (Moscow):
No matter how I feel about the personality of Yevtushenko or his poems, I regard his death as the death of a symbol, the last living evidence of the thaw era. In this testimony, for me, there is almost nothing from Yevtushenko himself - it is rather something like a birch bark letter. Now, if the last birch-bark letter had been burned, it would have been about the same feeling as immediately after the news of Yevtushenko's death. Because in many ways he, thanks to his specificity and the specificity of the poets of the sixties, had influence and meaning only when he was alive. What and how he said and wrote was a myth about the sixties, but a myth constructed by them and continues to be reproduced. This myth differs significantly from what is created today by the official culture. The new "thaw" and the new "sixties" are deprived of the sharpness of problematization, the tense dialogue between art and the authorities, the culture of the generation of children with the culture of their peers-fathers. Cleaned up aesthetic form, in which Yevtushenko, without his living presence, consists only of program verses.
Nikolai Berman- theater critic, director (Moscow):
There is something personal for me in Yevtushenko's death. He was one of those people about whom it seemed to me that they would probably never die - and at the same time it was strange that they were still alive. Of the main poets of the sixties, he was the last to leave - probably because he had the most powerful vital energy that fed them. He was always on the edge - both in his poems, which sometimes dangerously approached graphomania in their intensity of passion, sentimental pathos and almost ridiculous naivety, and in their outfits playing with all the colors of the rainbow, and in their fiery, idealistic and always untimely thoughts. There was posturing in it, there was self-intoxication, but there was something real and very pure, like the joy of a three-year-old child. I remember how he once came to my school... Perhaps that is why I always associate him with my childhood.
Elena Fanailova- poet and translator, laureate of the Andrey Bely Prize (Moscow):
Yevgeny Yevtushenko - Zeitgeist man ( German Zeitgeist - Zeitgeist -approx. ed.). Sometimes it's more important than talent. And he's a man of style. Actually, this quality allowed him to observe moral hygiene. Yes, I completely forgot: I have the first brief review and criticism from him, and publication: I am 15 years old, he collected a book from Scarlet Sail in Komsomolskaya Pravda.
Alexander Lifshits- Candidate of Philological Sciences, specialist in the history of Russian handwritten books and book culture of the XIV - XVIII centuries (Moscow):
The poet Yevgeny Alexandrovich Yevtushenko belonged entirely to that time, which thought to itself that it was young and forever. Time seemed large, like a country stretched along parallels. Time contained a lot of air. Coniferous, clean, frosty or, on the contrary, hot - with tons of sour wine and slightly thoughtful fruits on the seashore. There were beautiful young women in it who loved the poet, there were honest and direct people in it, and the time seemed honest and direct. And it didn't turn out like that. From that time, with his ridiculous honesty, enthusiasm and tongue-tied Yevtushenko can not be torn off. He remained faithful to him, shouting at the top of his voice about his freedom, about the possibility of freedom.
They will certainly write about Yevgeny Alexandrovich Yevtushenko. Yes, in fact, many are already writing, disagreeing in their assessments of his poetry and figure, some - willingly using him as a background for their words and wanting to indicate their involvement in that significant, which is no more. And the general sigh sounds almost sympathetically: No, he is better than he seemed, than many thought about him, and now, of course, they will not think about him. And his poetry, except for ... And, by the way, he was not a KGB agent. And despite, he... And he, of course, he himself made a lot of efforts to remember the protruding nose, sharp movements of the hand, the tense long neck, jackets, ties, caps, in order to be absurdly different from himself in the recent series.
And in numerous frames of recent documentaries, we see eyes that dig into the camera lens with fear. We hear a pleading intonation: just hear me. Therefore, he will always read poetry with unthinkable intonations, stretching his neck, intensifying unnecessary pathos, straining his throat. So that no one overtakes, no one has time to shout before you. And the fear that they will not hear, that they will not appreciate, they will not understand, they will forget. Therefore, a flashy shirt, jacket, tie and cap so that no one sees you yourself. After all, everyone will look at your outfit. Funny defense of a teenager from the adult world. Naive love for freedom, teenage shocking. At the same time, adults can be insolent, demonstrating their freedom this way and that without changing it for anything. Those who caught the past long ago will not forget it, just as they will not forget Yevtushenko's poems - everyone has their own. There is no such past tense without Yevtushenko. What remains in the future - we'll see.
"EVGENIY YEVTUSHENKO, IS UNCONDITIONALLY A TRAGIC FIGURE"
Tatyana Shcherbina- Russian poet, prose writer, essayist, translator, laureate of the National Center for Literature of France (Moscow):
To be honest, I don’t like Yevtushenko’s poems, but when a person died, I understand that it’s inappropriate to say such things. I have loved poetry since childhood. Ta modern poetry, which I read at the age of 14 - 15, of course, seemed to me something different than real poetry should be. And then, with great, I must admit, belatedly, I read Brodsky's poems, and everything fell into place for me. If we talk about Yevtushenko, of all the poets of the sixties, he was the only one who collected stadiums. This was his strength, but it was also a certain poetic insufficiency in the sense of language. But it was a language addressed to millions. And Yevtushenko said in this way some important things to these millions. In this regard, from his poetry, for some reason, I first of all remember “Babi Yar” ... There was such a poet Yuri Volodov - he was a strange man, such a small one, he was not published. Until now, the situation with his authorship of Babi Yar has not been fully clarified. Yevtushenko was asked about this many times, and he never once said a clear "no". Somehow he dodged. It is not known what actually happened. Don't know.
As for my personal acquaintance with him, it happened by chance in the courtyard of the House of Writers. We stood with Lev Alexandrovich Annensky and talked. I was then a young, aspiring poet. Suddenly Yevgeny Yevtushenko comes along - he was familiar with Annensky - and my counterpart suddenly says to him: "Here, Zhenya, get acquainted, this is your subverter." Embarrassed, I said the worst thing that could be said: "Not a subversive, I don't care about your poetry at all." I can remember one more case. When I came to live in France in 1992, there I once met a man who was absolutely far from poetry, he was a farmer or something. He asks: "Where are you from?" Answer: "From Russia". “Oh,” he says, “Russia is Yevtushenko!”
Yevtushenko was a very Soviet poet. On the one hand, he was left-wing, on the other, official: he met with presidents, and few people were allowed to do this. He was, as it were, an export version of the "Soviet poet". There was then a phrase in use - "socialism with a human face." It was this "human face" of socialism that he was. Not only a poet, but also an actor, and a director (he made films), and a prose writer, and a photographer. He was able to grasp the immensity. At the same time, even his appearance- strange clothes in catchy colors - was a way to attract attention. He seemed to insist: yes, I am such a bright bird! But it is important to remember that he studied a lot of poems by other poets and published them. For example, I published an anthology, I forgot what it was called, it seems, "A poet in Russia is more than a poet." Just this most famous phrase of his was said about himself, that is, he specifically thought of himself as such a poet who is "more than a poet."
Dmitry Kuzmin- poet, literary critic, publisher, translator, founder of the Union of Young Writers "Babylon" (Moscow):
Yevgeny Yevtushenko is certainly a tragic figure. The first tragic circumstance of his life was the inclusion in the Soviet cultural paradigm of the thaw era, fraught with certain hopes, but deeply false in its ideological and aesthetic basis. Working within the limits set by his superiors not out of fear, but out of conscience, showing impudence and individuality in the permitted dosage, Yevtushenko built his outstanding talent on ready-made models of a Soviet artist, agitator, bawler, leader and engineer of human souls - and naturally quickly squandered this talent and lost.
The second, no less tragic circumstance of the long creative biography The poet has become a renaissance of professional and public interest in him in recent years. The merit of Yevtushenko himself in this is minimal, this interest arose within the framework of a broad movement of today's Russian society back to Soviet reality, a classic escape from freedom, risky and incomprehensible, to the familiar slavery of yesterday. From this badly started and badly ended literary biography it is not easy to separate those few true poems of the highest order that Yevtushenko has, but in the long-term historical perspective this, of course, will certainly happen, because, as the great Russian poet Natalya Gorbanevskaya wrote, sent Soviet power for compulsory psychiatric treatment at exactly the same time when Yevtushenko, with the blessing of this government, was gathering the audience at the stadiums: “Anyway, later they won’t remember whether Dante was Guelph or Ghibelline.”
"MY ADULTS GO, MY ADULTS LOVE GO"
Lyubov Arcus- film critic, documentary filmmaker, founder and Chief Editor magazine "Session" (Saint Petersburg):
I read about “it’s not without reason that trips abroad after Prague”, about “servility”, etc. Even on the day of death, the party committee continues for some. He was alive. He flew up to the sky, fell with all his foolishness, got up, made mistakes, repented, wrote a lot, loved many, and many loved him. Only over the years you realize how rare it is - a living person. And how much it is - to express the era and even make it in many ways.
My circle of reading evolved bizarrely. From my grandmother - Pushkin, Apukhtin, Nadson, Bryusov, early Gorky. From my mother - Hemingway, Salinger, Remarque, Kazakevich, Simonov, then from my mother - Trifonov, Yuri Kazakov. And all four poets, of course. Then there were girlfriends two years older. Smart, "dedicated", smoking "at the pipe" in the attic at school. I hid behind a pipe and listened as they read the unknown. This is how Tsvetaeva, Akhmatova, Mandelstam appeared. I had to learn to smoke. One day I made up my mind. She took a drag on the cigarette she had saved for the first time and entered into a conversation. “Well, read something,” they condescendingly allowed. I read it from the Bratskaya HPP. “Go, girl,” my future bosom girlfriends told me then, “Yevtukh is not the hero of our novel.”
But somehow all my loves did not leave my life. New ones were added, but the old ones did not go away. Kingdom of heaven, Evgeny Alexandrovich. My adults are leaving, the loves of my adults are leaving, my childhood is turning into a different world.
Artem Lipatov- journalist, columnist for Kommersant-FM (Moscow):
Perhaps there was no more controversial figure in Russian poetry of the second half of the 20th century. One of the pillars of the sixties, one of the "four in hats" from the famous photograph was famous on both sides of the ocean, especially in the USA: he was friends with Allen Ginsberg, performed on the same stage with Jefferson Airplane, published in Harper's Bazaar and enjoyed a huge popularity in his homeland, where he balanced between power and the opposition.
In an interview with Playboy magazine in 1972, he admitted that he had tried all kinds of drugs, accused American TV of lack of spirituality, and was cunning about Nabokov. But the very fact of this interview, which could be blamed on anyone, makes one think about many things. At the same time, there are well-known facts of intercession and literally battles for certain offended and humiliated, while - "Babi Yar", at the same time - a grandiose anthology of Russian poetry ... and an amazing, still underestimated rock poetry "Confession", published on "Melodies" and which has long become a philophonic rarity. I think the members of the Araks group, which was disgraced at that time, could tell something about this record.
One way or another, Yevtushenko was a poet, and nothing can be done about it. Sometimes his lines seem like a monstrous conjuncture, sometimes it’s hard to breathe from them, but they are full of the music of the time and the spirit of a living person who chose his untorn path and walked along it confidently to the end. The fact that the end found him in Oklahoma Tulsa, I think, changes little.
Kirill Korchagin- poet, laureate of the Andrey Bely Prize (Moscow):
The lives of some poets are more fascinating than their poems. They are, apparently, more important than poetry, because they allow you to feel the movement of history or come closer to unraveling who we are and why we are here. Yevtushenko is fully concerned with this: his biography is full of meetings with almost all the people who determined the appearance of the second half of the twentieth century. Of course, this captures much more than poetry: the languid handshake of Pinochet, the enthusiasm of Pasolini, who wanted to film the young Yevtushenko in the role of Christ, but could not settle the formalities, acquaintances around the world with victims of war crimes and, conversely, with former executioners - all this great art in itself. It allows you to feel that the world is one, and not fragmented into parts, and that humanity still has a lot of work to do in its arrangement.
Yevtushenko's poems are a small section of this work, and they were all the better, the smaller this section, the smaller the tasks the poet set himself, because riding a bicycle in Kuntsevo is almost the same as running along the banks of the Tiber, but every day having dinner at the CDL is not at all like hiding from the secret police for years. It was then that the movement of time was heard in his poems - the course of history, to which he listened with attention almost unprecedented in Russian poetry. It was important for him not just to participate in this history, but to absorb the entire twentieth century without a trace. He strove to put an equal sign between himself and the century: not to be afraid of it and not to despair of its horrors, but to accept it entirely.
As if he thought that all the wounds of the past can be healed - the main thing is to move forward all the time, not to stop for a minute, not to become discouraged. Not only to mourn for the dead who wanted freedom, but to continue their work as much as possible. For example, with the help of poems, which seemed to have to patch up more and more holes in the world that was changing before our eyes, with the help of insane publicity, where there was no more pop narcissism than asceticism, a willingness to listen carefully to everyone. It is customary to laugh at the incredible number of poems and speeches by Yevtushenko, but did not the ardent desire for a new world, a great utopia, where there would be no place for violence and oppression, manifest itself?
Yevtushenko's best poems are filled with a premonition of the future. Time in them flows or rushes, sometimes even stretches, but never stands still. The future is born here from a keen sense of life, from the feeling that man is a historical being and that he will have to pay a terrible price for trying to exist outside of history, in a quiet private world. In many ways, this is the experience of a person in the middle of the 20th century - someone who, after all the catastrophes, was again able to believe that a single world and a single humanity are possible. Now it is more and more difficult to believe in such unity, but perhaps it is a sincere belief in the future, a willingness to fight for it - main lesson who can teach the poetry and life of Yevtushenko.
I made him an oath...
Question: I ask for your advice, I do not know who to turn to. When I was not yet in Islam, I talked with a guy. Subsequently, he became the reason for my conversion to Islam. I swore to him that I would marry only him. But then he stopped praying, started drinking, swearing (including at me). I do not want to marry him, he is gradually becoming unpleasant to me. I gave him many vows, without even thinking about the consequences. Now I don't know what to do. I read a hadith that says that if you took an oath and made every effort to keep it, but it didn’t work out, then there will be no sin for it, and they also told me that if you make tauba prayer and keep fasting for three days, then the unfulfilled oath will be forgiven, insha Allah. Please advise what to do.
Alima's answer: When choosing a life partner, you need to pay attention to his piety. If the one you were going to marry began to lead a wild life, then it is better not to marry him. For any violation of the oath, a kaffarat (fine) is imposed. The one who broke the oath is obliged to distribute to ten poor people one mudd each (a measure of the weight of loose bodies equal to 600 g.) Grains from what most residents of the area where you live use, or one piece of clothing: trousers, shirt, dress, scarf, etc. Anyone who is unable to fulfill any of these options is required to fast for three days. Keeping them in a row is not a condition. Make of the above what you can and Allah, insha'Allah, will forgive you.
Psychologist's opinion: I do not think that your oaths are so serious. I say this because, in principle, you swore an oath to a completely different person, with different views and life position. And for greater persuasiveness, listen to the words of the theologian and do what is in your power.
Dad does not want to marry me to a Chechen
Question: I want to get an answer to a question that has been worrying me for a long time ... The fact is that a guy of a different nationality wants to marry me, he is a Chechen. Alhamdulillah, he is an observant Muslim. We met by chance and I hope this, Insha'Allah, is our destiny. His parents agree, at first my father also agreed. But then calls began from Dagestan from angry relatives - they are categorically against it. And my father was also angry. They began to say to him: what will people say? Have you thought about it? They don't like us. Moreover, they are not at all interested in whether the guy is religious or not ... they say, come quickly, we will marry her even to an oblique, blind ... to anyone (including non-religious), but of our nation. They don't think about how I feel, they don't care about it. After all, as far as I know, our Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was against nationalism. After all, we are all Muslims and Iman is important for us. For a father, only the opinion of people is important. I don't know what to do... Tell me, please! My relatives were also against when I put on a hijab, they also said that people would say that I had become a Wahhabbit, they brought me to tears. But I did it with the help of the Almighty... I know that if I persuade my father, he will agree to my marriage. I just don't know how to do it. My mom and brother know the guy and support me.
Alima's answer: If earlier, when choosing a life partner, they paid attention to piety, today, unfortunately, they pay attention to the position in society, money, and nationality. As you yourself noted, the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) condemned the division of people by nationality. The hadith says: “The one who calls for nationalism, who fights for the sake of nationalism, who dies for the sake of nationalism, is not one of us!” (Muslim). Parents, relatives forget about the hearts and feelings of children. Probably, passions have become more important than the words of the Prophet (PBUH). In numerous hadiths, our Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wasallam), who is a model, encourages us to pay attention first of all to the piety of a person, and only then to his genealogy. We ourselves observe how parents, for the sake of their passions, against the will of their children, give their daughters in marriage, as a result, they get divorced. If your relatives care about people's opinions, if they opposed the hijab, then how can they give good advice and show the best way? I would advise your father to pay attention to piety. There is no need to be afraid of what people or relatives will say because he followed the words of the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wasallam). Whatever nationality a person is, if there is piety, this marriage will be barakat. A Muslim should not be afraid of the opinions of the people, he should follow the Prophet (PBUH) and the Koran. No one can forbid interethnic marriages, because Allah says in the Qur'an:
يا أيها الذين آمنوا لا تحرموا طيبات ما أحل الله لكم ولا تعتدوا
(Meaning): “O you who believe! Do not forbid the good that Allah has made lawful for you, and do not transgress the boundaries of what is permitted (do not sin) ”(Sura Al-Maida, verse 87).
Islam is higher and nobler than any class or position in society, follow this.
Psychologist's opinion: First of all, in your question, you need to enlist the support of a close and authoritative person.
Only their dignified and respectful attitude towards you and your relatives can change the opinion of your father, which happens quite often. Give your father time to resolve everything amicably, as they say, water wears away a stone.
I am a Christian
Question: There is one question that worries me a lot. I am a Christian, my young man too, but recently he started talking about the fact that he was going to convert to Islam. I do not want to offend you, but I do not like his decision, to put it mildly. I try to reassure myself that let him believe as he wants. But what worries me more, we are going to get married next year, if he converts to Islam before the wedding, will I have to convert to Islam as his future wife?
Alima's answer: Islam is a religion of peace, goodness, security and purity. And there is nothing wrong with the fact that your future husband is going to become a Muslim. You shouldn't be afraid of it. It should also be noted that there is no compulsion in Islam.
If you marry according to the madhhab of Imam al-Shafi'i, you must convert to Islam in order for the marriage to be considered valid. And according to the madhhab of Abu Hanifa, and without the adoption of Islam, such a marriage is considered valid.
Psychologist's opinion: This problem You need to resolve with your fiancé before the wedding, and not postpone until later. The issue of faith is a complex issue and should not be taken lightly. One of the most important criteria for a strong family is a commonality of views. Talk to your young man, find out what prompted him to take such a step, and then, perhaps, you yourself will change your mind.
He insults me
Question: My husband has a second wife. He pays more attention to her. And he treats me like a housekeeper, insults me. What should I do? And will it be a sin to him for this? Answer please.
Alima's answer: Islam requires a man to treat all his wives equally. In the hadith of the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wasallam), transmitted by Tirmidhi, Abu Dawood and others, it says: “He who had two wives and did not show justice on the Day of Judgment will stand in such a way that one of his sides will hang down.” You, in turn, obey your husband, show patience, for this you will receive a great reward.
Psychologist's opinion: The situation is complex and often ends unfavorably. It will be aggravated if you show him your irritation and hostility. It is often possible to safely resolve the situation by creating a benevolent and kind atmosphere in the house, which your husband will appreciate and draw the right conclusions.
I'm scared at night
Question: I am 17 years old and recently graduated from high school. At night, when I wake up, I am scared, although I am ashamed to talk about it. This fear haunts me, probably from the age of 5, when I just woke up and cried. Now I always feel fear, and in the very house where I live and was born. Because of this fear in the morning prayer, when I am alone, I don’t get up, or I wake up at night and read “al Fatiha”, but it doesn’t always help. Is there anything said about such fear in Islam? Are there prayers for this? What to do?
Alima's answer: Seek help from Allah as He Himself teaches us. Read Surah Al-Falyak and An-Nass frequently. These surahs are meant to protect against Satan. Say istiaza (a request for protection from Allah): “Auzubillahi minashshaytani ar-rajim” or “Auzu billahi samiil-alim minashshaytani arrajim”. But one point must be taken into account - the Ulama (Muslim theologians) unanimously agree that the help we are ordered to resort to does not benefit if we ask insincerely. If a person simply says these words, and the heart is distracted from Allah, then, of course, there will be no benefit in this case. It is necessary that a person's heart be turned to the Almighty. If you ask Allah as Allah wishes, then the one who asks is a thousand times stronger than Satan. And do not forget that there is no strength and power except from Allah.
Psychologist's opinion: The problem of night terrors has not been considered something particularly difficult for a long time and is easily corrected. First of all, try to rearrange the furniture in the room where fears arise, pay special attention to changing the place and location in the space of the bed. Another way is the following: describe your fear in as much detail as possible, everything that you feel and think about, on a piece of paper. After a few days, when you good mood, reread. Repeat this several times and the power of fear will noticeably decrease.
I can't control my heart
Question: I married not for love, but because my parents decided so. I live well with my wife, she is very good and tries to support me in everything. But I'm always attracted to other girls. What should I do? Is it a sin, because a person cannot control his heart? Can you marry someone else? Help advice, dear psychologist!
Psychologist's opinion: It is difficult to advise anything in such a situation, but we must remember that love is far from the most important indicator of family well-being. It may happen that after marrying another for love, everything will turn out badly in the end. Think about what you would like to see in your wife. And then, through encouragement and good advice, bring her to such an opinion. And if you compare her with other girls all the time and pay serious attention to them, then the problem is likely to get worse.
I love him so much
Question: I love one guy, but I hide my feelings because he is married and follows the rules of Islam. I think he likes me too, but he can't do anything either. Apparently, he is afraid that I will reject him. I would marry him, despite the fact that he already has a family and that I have not yet been married. But I am afraid of public opinion and condemnation ... I don’t know what my relatives and girlfriends will say. I depend on it. What should I do, because I love him very much, and I want him to teach me religion. How can I be, how can I tell him that I need him ...
Alima's answer: As you know, Islam allows, and in some cases approves, polygamous marriages (polygamy), so Sharia does not see anything reprehensible or forbidden in your desire to marry this Muslim. Especially if you and he are not indifferent to each other. And don't give too much great importance public opinion The main thing is that everything should be in accordance with the norms of Islam. You can tell him about your feelings and desire to get married through your parents, relatives, etc. In addition, from your words it turns out that he is an observant Muslim. I think that by linking life with such a person, you and your religion will only receive benefit and happiness in both worlds. May the Almighty help you.
This desire is stronger than me
Question: I am very ashamed to write about this, but it is easier to write than to tell someone and ask for advice directly. I often masturbate and each time I think that I won't do it again, but I can't help it. My parents are not in a hurry to marry me yet, for them I am still small. Maybe because of this I have complexes and difficulties in communicating with peers. Every time I repent very much, but this desire is stronger than me. What should I do, how can I get rid of it? Help me please.
Psychologist's opinion: This question has already been discussed by us more than once. Eliminate everything possible reasons, pushing for it, namely, watching videos and photos of erotic content, dreams of sex, etc. Observance of the desired fasting and physical activity helps a lot. In addition, if possible, tell your parents that you want to get married, most likely, they will treat this with understanding, and especially your father.
Questions are answered by theologian Gadzhimurad Omargadzhiev and psychologist Aliaskhab Murzaev.
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Psychologist's answer.
Dear Christina!
There is such a phenomenon - dreaming. Scientifically - somniloquy. I'm guessing that's it. Doctors believe that there is a hereditary predisposition to it. Those. Simply put, it is often inherited. From parents, grandparents, by genes. People who develop sleep-talking mutter in their sleep, periodically pronounce some words loudly and even scream, that's how they shout out. Night conversations, mutterings last about 30 seconds, on average. It happens when the phases of sleep change. A person does not sleep all the time in deep sleep, the phase of REM sleep is replaced by a phase of slow sleep. And then a slow sleep smoothly turns into a superficial, rich in dreams. So, in people who are prone to sleep-talking, at some point there is an excitation of the motor centers of the cerebral cortex, when the phases of sleep change. They have a predisposition.
I can’t say exactly how, but the phenomenon is associated with sleepwalking. It often occurs in people who are prone to sleepwalking and have relatives who have experienced sleepwalking.
This phenomenon is often seen in childhood more active than in adults. Therefore, the most comprehensive information, probably, can be given by parents. young man. But even in adulthood, some persist. It is activated at the time of stress, increased emotional stress, especially if a person restrains emotions, and they do not disappear anywhere. Nervous tension in the daytime, fatigue from study or work, lack of sleep, and the wrong daily routine greatly affect. And in a dream, a person sees a dream, most likely his fears are displayed in it, and begins to talk. But, waking up, most often he does not remember that he shouted in a dream and cannot remember the dreams themselves.
Now, if you are concerned about the health of your young man, you can discuss this topic with him. Remember what happened 2 years ago, maybe some kind of stress was strong, psychological trauma. As it manifested itself in childhood. If something worries him a lot, there are unresolved problems that he “pushes” away from himself, does not want to think about them, cannot make a decision, is afraid of something, this can all be a consequence. Those. problems must be resolved internal (psychological) and external, reduce the level of anxiety and anxiety and reduce the burden on nervous system. Sleep deprivation has a significant effect. Frequent fatigue. Those. it is important to adjust the daily routine. Alcoholic drinks, coffee at night are harmful, watching scary movies, active loads in the evening. And of course, all sorts of conflicts with other people can significantly affect. It is worth thinking about resolving unnecessary conflict situations, if any.
It is also important for your boyfriend to visit a neurologist, directly about sleep-talking. The fact is that sleep-talking most often manifests itself in childhood and by the age of 14-16 it disappears or manifests itself only at moments severe stress, nervous overload, fatigue. And if it is stable by the age of 20, in the absence of severe stress in life, it is important to check the nervous system and exclude the development of all kinds of hidden diseases. I can’t say which ones, because doctors know better about it. Sometimes doctors prescribe sedatives.
But in principle, you should not be afraid of sleeping - this is such a feature of the psyche of your young man. But if your boyfriend screams in his sleep and you try to wake him up, do it gently, without sudden movements.
I wish health and prosperity to you and your boyfriend!
