Some funny phrases. Funny phrases for conversation. Funny phrases with meaning

It is impossible to imagine our life without laughter and smiles, without humor and fun. Therefore, from time to time, each of us needs to move away from everyday worries, relax and have at least a little fun. Cool phrases and funny sayings are a sure great tool for quickly lifting Have a good mood. Cool phrases and statuses are very popular because they describe the exciting moments in the lives of many people in a humorous way. They will help you impress your interlocutors with wit, as well as cheer up friends, colleagues, a bored company or guests at a festive party. cool expressions can also come in handy to “defuse” a tense situation or in awkward situations when you need to correct your oversight.
There are many wonderful funny phrases and expressions. I tried to select the best, funniest "phrases" that, in my opinion, deserve the most attention. Read on and let no one be left without a smile!

My character, of course, is not sugar, but I was not created for that, to add me to tea!
If I ever die because of a man, it will only be from laughter.
I am neither good nor bad. I'm kind in an evil stripe!
I only have one life and I can't afford to be unhappy!
I thought I was special, but it turned out - the best ...
It is not enough to know your own worth - you still need to be in demand.
What is, you can’t put it back !!!
So what if the wind is in your head, but thoughts are always fresh ...
Where have you seen a cat who cares what mice say about her?
If you spit on my back, then I'm ahead of you!
Don't tell me what to do and I won't tell you where to go!
If you want me to be an angel, organize heaven for me!
My life my rules. If you don't like my rules, stay out of my life.
She has not been seen in vicious relationships ... Was it not? No… Not noticed!
You need to live in such a way that others have depression!
When will they learn how to conduct light into women's handbags ?! I really need it!!!
We are strong women: we will take out the garbage, and the brain, if necessary!
Lose weight on three diets! (I can't eat two...)
He eats - I cook, he wears - I wash, he scatters - I clean. And what would I do without him...
Women's folk fun: she came up with it herself, she was offended.
I am like champagne: I can be playful, but I can give it to my head ...
I so want to be a weak woman, but, as luck would have it, either the horses are galloping, or the huts are burning ...
Sometimes my husband shakes from me ... Still, I am an amazing woman !!!
Girls are standing, standing aside, pulling handkerchiefs in their hands ... Because for ten girls, according to statistics: 1 gay, 4 alcoholics, 2 divorced, 2 drug addicts and 1 normal, but he is married ...
What is the difference between fake love and real love? Fake: "I like snowflakes in your hair!" Real: "Fool, why without a hat?"
If a woman has sparkles in her eyes, then the cockroaches in her head are celebrating something.
How to make a girl crazy?
“Give her a lot of money and close all the shops!”
Men, let's wash, clean, cook, iron ...., and we want you!
I so want to cuddle up to someone, put my lips to my ear and whisper ...: “Give me money!”
Sometimes I open the closet, look in it for a long time and realize that I keep two-thirds of my clothes in case I go crazy.
Classic women's wardrobe: Nothing to wear. Nowhere to hang. It’s a pity to throw it away ... And there is also a department “Suddenly I lose weight” ...
You need to smile so wide that problems stumble over a smile!
An optimist is a person who, even falling face down in the mud, is sure that it is healing!
Girls, who there wanted to lose weight by spring?
This morning, while I was painting, I fainted 5 times from my beauty ...
I used to live alone and all my things were lying around in their places, but now I'm married and all things are neat and beautiful, no one knows where ...
I want fate to take me by the hair and right in the face - in happiness, in happiness, in happiness.
A woman should be loved, happy, beautiful! And she doesn't owe anyone anything!
The smartest plant is horseradish: he knows everything ...
Now I live only according to this principle: whoever wants - will come, whoever needs it - will call, whoever is bored - will find it! And to whom - In figs, those - In figs!
All men are bastards! All they need is just one! But why, why not from me-I-I?!
I would have sent you, but I see you and so from there!
Women are not interested in rags only if these rags are men.
If you think that life is beautiful, then antidepressants are chosen correctly.
If there are nails on the feet, then hands should be on the hands, and animals generally have bast shoes!
There is nothing better in the world than creaking a bed until dawn!
Judging by how life is fucking me, I'm fucking sexy!
Robbers demand a purse or life, women - both.
Never do evil out of spite! Bad things must come from the heart!
The smarter a woman is, the more refined and diverse she takes out the brain of her man!
Any dirty tricks can be put to good use, if only there was a desire…
Queens never get upset. When they are sad, they just execute someone...
The weaker sex is stronger than the strong one due to the weakness of the stronger sex to the weaker one.
Long live split personality - the shortest path to peace of mind!
Spring is late for us, summer is delayed ... And autumn, you bastard, is punctual!
I'm a woman - I have evil as standard!
Don't want to be nice? - Get rid of the Vaseline!
I am a creative woman. I want - I create, I want - I create ...
With a teaspoon in my pocket, with a bald cactus in my hand, I’m going to frighten the old woman that lives in the attic, I’ll poke him with a spoon, I’ll order him to sit on the cactus ... I’m a little stupid - I have a certificate! ..
Vasilisa was a sorceress ... Waving his right sleeve - a lake ... Waving his left - swans ... Waving another 200 grams - and the hallucinations are more complicated ...
Happiness is when you have a doctor, a cop, a lawyer and a killer among your friends. Life just gets easier...
There are people, like a drug - you know that it is impossible, but it pulls. And there are people like a cake - sweet, tasty, but sick ...
I want to, like a bear: to eat up in the summer, and hibernate in the winter. And she lost weight, and slept, and did not see frost!
Grandfather Frost, I behaved well for a whole year ... and now can I beat someone ???
caught goldfish. She listened to me very carefully and said: “Fry!”
And they take me away, and they take me away, into a colorful ringing crap, three white horses, two red elephants, a penguin, a hippopotamus and a deer.
That which does not kill us, then regrets it very much.
I am air. Don't try to hold on. Breathe while I let you breathe...
My beloved said to me: “You are evil in the flesh!” Well, I'll implement it. I'm very obedient. And if for some reason he needs it, then how can I get past the request!
I'm a very good cook... I can hang noodles... Brew porridge... Add oil... In general, I'm a smart sorceress.
"Baby, I love you!" - excellent status! And all the suns are pleased, and you will not sleep ...
- You need to treat the girl carefully, like with a Christmas tree.
Cut down and take home?
- Strangers make remarks to my child! How to react?
- Teach your child a magic spell: "My mother teaches me that not every value judgment should serve as a behavior modifier." When pronounced with clear diction and confidently benevolent intonation, it acts similarly to the spell: "Petrify!". And more reliable. Although not for long. But without dangerous side effects.
You begin to understand that everything is really bad when a person cries, who usually calms everyone ...
As my grandmother used to say, it's better to shoot, reload and shoot again than to shine a flashlight and ask "who's there?"
In any situation, say "everything is going according to plan" - you never know what kind of fucked up plan you have.
Sometimes it becomes so cool from the fact that it has become so in fig what was once so important ...
And I'll leave without noticing the insults.
Chewing a chocolate candy.
And let the evil horse love you,
Not a sun like me.
"Darling, is it true that I'm the only one you have?"
- Yes, what are you talking about today, all agreed, or what !?
A woman, like fire, cannot be left unattended. Or go out, or burn everything to hell !!!
Alcohol does not help to find the answer, it helps to forget the question....
Honey, you insist so much on our relationship with you ... I don’t understand, you nervous system made of reinforced concrete or a lifetime reservation in a lunatic asylum?
Sometimes you think: here it is, happiness! But no, damn it, experience again ...
Here you drown a person, and it seems so sad, but then bubbles appear, so good, and the heart rejoices.
It is easy to understand female logic, it is enough to learn how to play billiards with cubes.
It is necessary to find out the relationship only with those with whom you have these relationships. The rest - in figs on the shore of silence, collect shells ...
Happiness is when the previous f*ck has already ended, and the next one has not yet begun.
Cockroaches in the head are still normal. The problem is when a squirrel starts to kick them out ...
A black cat crossing your path means that the animal is going somewhere. Don't complicate!
You need to return to the woman as quickly as possible. So quickly that she does not have time to understand that she is fine without you.
If you love, let go. If it doesn't come back, track it down and kill it.
There are many other people's nerves in the world - there is no need to fray your own!
I bought a chalk from cockroaches! Now it’s quiet and calm in my head ... they sit, draw ...
Here you send someone in a hurry. And in your soul you worry: did you get there? ... didn’t you get there? ...
- Who are you?
— Kind fairy!
- And why with an ax?
- Yes, the mood is not very good ...
I got up on the wrong foot, sat on the wrong broom, and generally flew in the wrong direction ...
Give me wings, otherwise the whole ass is in splinters from the broom!
In general, I love raspberry pies. Of course, they don’t reciprocate, but they don’t behave like bastards either!
- What will you order?
- I, please, nerves, mind, calmness and * zma ... Yes, more * zma, please.
Don't be a jerk - give the person a second chance. Don't be an idiot - never give a third.
Nerves in shock, brains in a trance, and logic generally went and shot itself.
If my mother taught me to be cultured, this does not mean that I don’t kick in the eye, as my father taught me!
A realist is someone who doesn't care if the glass is half full or half empty. For him, what's in the glass is more important.
Whatever the rake teaches, but the heart believes in miracles ...
It's amazing how some people enjoy romantic rake walks.
If you constantly step on the same rake, then this is a fucking rake!
Smile more often - and the thicket will smile at you!
Yes, I'm not an angel, but flying faster on a broomstick.
Everyone thinks that every girl's dream is to find the perfect guy. No matter how! Our dream is to eat and not get better!
All women are angels, but if their wings are cut off, they begin to fly on a broomstick.
A man should be able to do two things: set fire to huts and scare horses so that his woman has something to do, and not take out his brains.
... and yet it is IMPORTANT that the butterflies in the stomach agree with the cockroaches in the head!
Yesterday, it seemed, I gained my mind-reason ... Today I woke up - but no, I just got it ...
I don’t promise to bring to sin, but I spend ...
No need to offend me, I'm a vulnerable girl, just about - immediately into tears ... And then with tearful eyes it's so hard to understand who was hit with a shovel ...
This morning, such horrors were shown in the mirror ...
I don't drink flowers and sweets!
- Girl, why haven't we met yet?
God bless you, stupid creature...
I am not overweight. He's my spare.
Philologist woman: bright multiple sarcasms on the first date.
While men, being boys, play war games and cars, women, being girls, immediately prepare to manipulate people and play with dolls.
It is better to be a favorite wretch than to be an unnecessary perfection.
Listen to the voice of reason ... Do you hear? Do you hear what the hell he's talking about?
A woman needs a sense of intimacy, trust, and a strong connection to get into bed with a man. For a man - mainly - a place ...
Squirrels eat snow. What are you doing to end winter?
People who helped the spring and ate the snow, why else did you gobble up the asphalt?
The glass blower accidentally sneezed at work and created a new vase for the Ikea store.
If things don't go the way you want - it's not your business, let them pass by.
Can't relieve stress? Don't dress up!!!
It is wrong to say "toad strangles." It should be like this: “amphibiotropic asphyxia happened to me”
Macaque koala in cocoa macala. Koala lazily lapped cocoa ...
Squirrels in spats in the bowels of the tundra dig cedar kernels. In the bowels of the tundra, otters in spats are digging cedar kernels in buckets! Having torn the gaiters from the otter in the tundra, wipe the otter kernels of cedar, wipe the muzzle of the otter with the gaiter - the kernels into buckets, the otter into the tundra.
After washing the leggings in the swamp, putting the cores in buckets, the otters with squirrels in an embrace quietly finish the jar ... Finishing the moonshine, the otters danced a jig, the squirrels tried on the leggings, muttering that they had seen a worse holiday in the tundra.
I speak English with a dictionary, so far I am shy with people ...
Sliding under the table, do not forget to politely say goodbye to the guests.
There is a genius in each of us. And every day it gets stronger and stronger...
I do not know what you are taking from the head, but it obviously does not help you!
Sorry, I'm saying when you interrupt…
A beautiful woman pleases the male gaze, an ugly woman pleases the female!
There are no perpetual motion machines in the world, but there are plenty of perpetual brakes!
Take care of the Motherland! Vacation abroad!
I am constantly haunted by smart thoughts, but I find myself faster ...
Everyone is spoiled to the best of their ability.
If a gentleman says to a lady "I understand you perfectly", he means "You are talking twice as much as necessary"!
If it is right to leave your husband, then he will definitely return ... like a boomerang.
If you want to bring a person to sclerosis, give him a loan.
Looking at how some accumulate good, others begin to accumulate evil.
There are so many interesting things in this life and so few people who are interested.
If you want to marry smart, beautiful and rich, marry three times.
Sclerosis cannot be cured, but you can forget about it.
If you cannot be a star in the sky, at least become a lamp in the house.
A man, even if he could understand what a woman thinks, he still would not believe.
The best way to organize a panic is to ask everyone to remain calm.
Everyone wants to have a good time, but you can't.
Tell me I'm wrong and I'll tell you who you are.
What a pity that you are finally leaving! ..
Lost conscience. I ask the finder not to worry and keep it to yourself.

More than 230 witty, sharp, funny, cool, smart phrases, aphorisms and quotes for all occasions.

Children are interested in the question: where does everything come from, adults - where does everything go.

Appetite and guests come at mealtime.

I want to live forever. As long as it works.

Nobody knows as much as I don't know..

Women guess everything. They're only wrong when they reason

A woman - it sounds proud, as well as loud, capricious and stupid.

God! I beg you for death! Do not refuse me, Lord, because I do not ask for myself ...

Toast: To beautiful ladies and other mythical characters!

How quickly time flies: I didn’t have time to wake up, but I was already late for work.

A girl is like a calculator: she adds problems, takes time, multiplies expenses, divides property!!!

The rings on the roof of the wedding car mean that the starting score is 0:0

A woman is ready to do anything for love, even make love. A man is ready to do anything for the sake of making love, even to love.

Before spending the night with a man, a woman wants to know if she loves him. And a man can understand whether he loves a woman only after spending the night with her.

A man changes women when he wants to experience a lot, and a woman changes men when she does not experience anything.

Even the most beautiful legs grow from the ass.

Did the virus spill coffee on the keyboard too?

White and fluffy is actually gray and hairy.

There are no unbearable people, there are narrow doors.

One head is good, but with a body is better.

Believe people at their word, certified by signature and seal.

When I get married, I give birth to a son, I will call him Kuzey - and I will be Kuzka's mother!

It is not worth responding to evil with violence, you cannot even imagine what raped evil is capable of.

Nothing I say when you interrupt?

Speak - speak, I always yawn when I'm interested.

The road to success is always closed for repairs.

If you think that smoking doesn't affect a woman's voice, try brushing the ashes onto the carpet.

If you hesitate for a long time, you can shake everyone.

A woman is kind: she can forgive a man everything, even if he is not guilty of anything.

A woman driving is like a star in the sky: you see her, but she does not see you.

A woman wants everything - from one thing. The man is one of all.

The source of our wisdom is our experience. The source of our experience is our stupidity.

What a pity that you are finally leaving...

I change the self-assembly tablecloth for a similar sheet.

Announcement in the newspaper: I'm renting, spoiling

One fish - the other: - Well, let's say there is no God ... And then who changes the water in the aquarium?

One of the most striking manifestations of optimism is the phrase: "What a fool I was!"

Worn out in what my mother gave birth ...

If love in you is strength, if you are in love it is weakness

Why are you healthy at your age?

I'm not stupid - I'm not in the mood

Who said that Kutuzov did not have one eye? Kutuzov had one eye!

Workers needed to work at work. Payment in money.

I'm not serious - I'm bored

I'm not pretty - I'm damn cute

Healthy sleep not only prolongs life, but also reduces the working day

The penguin is a rare bird. So, it must fly to the middle of the Dnieper.

Who does not go forward, he goes back - there is no standing position.

There is nothing sadder than the life of women who only knew how to be beautiful.

In jealousy there is more pride than love.

Give a man what he wants and you will deprive him of the meaning of life.

Worse than yesterday can only be tomorrow.

"Where there are few words, they have weight" - Shakespeare.

I've been hit over 9,000 times in my career. I lost almost 300 matches. 26 times I was trusted to make the decisive shot and I missed. I have failed so many times in my life. That is why I succeeded.

The most difficult thing in a dispute is not so much to defend your point of view as to have a clear idea about it.

Born to crawl, crawl everywhere.

"We can speak frankly about our shortcomings only with those who recognize our virtues."

"It is not enough to have a goal in life, you must be able to shoot accurately."

Do not wish for people what you wish for yourself, you may have different tastes

We have learned to fly like birds and swim like fish, but we still have to learn to simply walk the earth like brothers.

Too many people think about protection instead of thinking about opportunity. They seem to be more afraid of life than death.

In our soul may be great fire. But no one can ever come to warm himself with him, because those passing by see only a wisp of smoke.

What is the end of the world for a caterpillar is a birthday for a butterfly.

Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans.

I want to go to hell, not heaven. There I can enjoy the company of popes, kings and dukes, while heaven is inhabited only by beggars, monks and apostles.

Hurry up to live in time to start all over again.

Don't grow wings if you don't know where to fly.

My nights are better than your days.

Be careful in your desires, otherwise they may come true.

If I, yielding to requests, began to write about myself, it would be a mournful book - "Fate is a whore" © Ranevskaya

My mindset: ask less questions and eat ice cream until it melts.

When you are not needed, but you are - this is a terrible situation, humiliating you first of all

One woman is DIFFERENT from another: not better, not worse, just different...

A screw driven in with a hammer sits tighter than a nail driven in with a screwdriver.

Love is like a tree, it grows by itself, takes deep roots in our whole being and often continues to turn green and bloom even on the ruins of our heart.

Life is given once, and it is possible even less often.

Sometimes love goes away on its own

Neither touched the heart nor the mind.

When a woman chooses a lover, it is not so important for her whether she likes him, as whether other women like him.

When I eat - I am deaf and dumb, cunning and fast, and devilishly smart ...

Men appreciate the most material in women - beauty, and women in men - the most ephemeral: reliability.

A woman, perhaps, has not yet created a single great invention, but she has created all the great inventors.

A woman never notices what is done for her, but she will always notice what is not done for her.

A woman in love is more likely to forgive a greater indiscretion than a small infidelity.

If you want to force a woman to change her mind, you must categorically agree with her.

Women have only one means to make us happy and thirty thousand means to make us unhappy.

Women - like cats - often love not the owner more, but the house.

Women are absolutely natural and consistent in their inconstancy...

Women are a special people: if you compliment them, they take it for the truth, if you tell the truth, they are offended.

Women are not born, they are made.

A woman who loves boldly does not try to be masculine and condescending to pressing problems - she is just a woman, before whose femininity any worldly turmoil respectfully bows and recedes.

I want to love you, but not hold you. I want to appreciate you without reasoning. I want to join you, but not invade you. I want to ask, but not demand. I want to help, but not to reproach for inability. If we both want it, then we can meet.

Do not boast that your wife is the best: women may be offended, and men will want to make sure.

If you persuade a woman for a very long time, she will think that you are only capable of talking.

Married life is war every day and truce every night.

Do not grieve if your wife had someone before you: it is worse if she has someone after.

The only real mistake is not correcting your past mistakes.

There are two ways to command women. But nobody knows them.

A man, even if he could understand what a woman thinks, he still would not believe.

Friendship between a man and a woman is based on the hope of one of the parties that this is not just a friendship.

In love, one always kisses, and the other only turns the cheek.

Women don't like timid men. Cats don't like wary rats.

Men are always right and women are never wrong.

A career is a wonderful thing, but it cannot warm anyone on a cold night.

The baby is a great example of a ruling minority.

Becoming a father is very easy. Being a father, on the other hand, is hard.

call rule. The phone you're looking at never rings.

God created woman later because he did not want to listen to advice when creating a man.

The more women strive to be free, the more unhappy they become.

A friend is a person who knows everything about you - and yet loves you.

The loved one is forgiven what others are not forgiven, and they are not forgiven what they forgive others.

If a woman hates you, then she loved you, loves or will love you.

Nobody becomes a good man accidentally.

The most annoying thing is when your dream comes true for someone else.

Difficulties are the easiest to create.

Where is the beginning of the end with which the beginning ends.

A beautiful woman usually suffers from two diseases at once: delusions of grandeur and delusions of persecution.

If a person is happy for more than one day, then something is being hidden from him.

A true friend is someone who will hold your hand and feel your heart.

All girls are natural angels, but when their wings are broken, they have to fly on a broomstick.

Set big goals for yourself - it's harder to miss them!

The average woman prefers to be beautiful over smart because the average man sees better than he thinks.

Paradox: When you put 6 socks in the washing machine, you only take out 5.

When the toilet is closed, you want to pay for its use.

The client does not know what he wants until he sees what he received.

When there is nothing left to do, many do just that.

Everything that is good in life is either illegal, or immoral, or leads to obesity.

So that you live as you are sorry!

The day was not in vain!

If you cannot change the situation, change your attitude towards it.

Short roads differ from long ones in that they charge a toll. And on dark roads they like to announce the price at the end of the road...

Happiness is that you do not notice when it is, and you notice when it is not ...

I'm made from a man's rib to protect his heart

Very often we choose not from what we want to have, but from what we are afraid to lose.

You don’t sleep all day, you don’t eat all night - of course, you get tired ...

Conscience is the wealth of a person, and we - students - are a poor people ....

A genius sleeps in any of us, and every day it gets stronger.

I didn't even think about what you thought!

Everyone knows that happiness is not in money, but everyone wants to see for themselves.

Keychain is such a small figurine that allows you to lose all the keys at once.

Gorilka is not Ukrainian vodka, it is a small humanoid monkey.

By the time you find a place in the sun, it's already evening.

Everyone has children, butterflies have children, fish, birds, even dogs. Only the pencil has no children, because it has an elastic band on the end!

Love is electricity that runs from head to toe. And it hits the point where a son or daughter is born.

Let us live cool, so that we don’t want to change our lives! Falling in love is a reason for temptation, let's seduce each other !!!

Only those who feel fear in their hearts have courage,

Who looks into the abyss, but looks with pride in his eyes.

No wonder women don't have time for anything: just look at their tiny watch.

Only one person understood me; and, to tell the truth, he did not understand me either.

Life is a race in which everyone strives to get ahead in order to come to the finish line last.

Only on your birthday you will find out how many unnecessary things exist in the world.

My conscience is clear because I never use it.

Men love beautiful women more than smart women because it is easier for them to look rather than think.

Well hanging tongue always itches.

It's good to do nothing, and then relax.

Never sport with a fool, he will bring you down to his level and beat you on his territory.

You may not be mine, but I am yours.

The most irresistible cosmetics for women is powder for men's brains!

Never eat the last cutlet from the pan: one cutlet will not fill you up, and you will have to wash the empty pan.

So many good cute girls .... I alone as an exception to all the rules ...

When there is no woman next to a man, he starts doing stupid things. When a woman is not next to a man ... she starts to do dirty tricks.

It is much easier to get forgiveness later than it is to get permission first.

"The task - to make a person happy - was not part of the plan for the creation of the world."

How we live is a state secret, why is it a commercial one!

When I was born, I was so amazed that I didn’t talk to anyone for 2 years!

A woman is like a weapon: you cannot play with her.

Life, no matter how you curse it, is still worth living.

A woman is a danger to every paradise...

You don't have to have friends, you have to be friends with them...

It's bad to live, people die from it...

There are always at least two truths...

Doing bullshit at work develops hearing, peripheral vision, reaction and vigilance in general ...

Loneliness is bad because few people can endure themselves for a long time ...

A virgin is no better than a debauchee - both, in essence, think about the same thing.

The best way to get rid of temptation is to give in to it..

How long I live, I can’t understand two things: where does the dust come from and where does the money go

Better to do it and regret it than to regret not doing it.

Following the law of a sandwich, we can conclude that if a sandwich is spread on both sides, then it will hang in the air.

I have everything but money and happiness.

Your joy at the onset of a clear sunny morning will be incomplete if it suddenly becomes clear to you that it is Monday.

If they try to drag you into a win-win lottery, this means that you will not leave without losing.

The registry office is a place where love is rejected.

Avoiding praise is a request to repeat.

Tell me what you're thinking and I'll tell you what.

All gods were immortal.

Fools die on Fridays, and who else will die when there are two days off ahead.

If Eve did not cheat on Adam, then why did humanity evolve from apes?

It's good to be brave, but scary...

The later the ambulance arrives, the more accurate its diagnosis...

If you are late for work, then you have it.

A negative result is also a result, especially if it is an HIV result.

You have to live in such a way that you envy yourself.

What is our Life is a game, everyone knows, but here's how to play it ...

If you're arguing with an idiot, he's probably doing the same.

No one can bring us to our knees! We lay, and we will lie!

If a man is a goat, this does not mean that he is a beast in bed.

In a woman, everything should be fine - do not stick anything into her!

Life is like a piano: the key is black, the key is white, the lid....(

The ransom demands of the terrorists have been met. The terrorists have been ransomed and bainki laid.

No one has died from knowledge yet, but I don’t want to take risks.

A wonderful phrase: good always triumphs over evil! So it's not clear who wins whom ...

April Fools' Day is an American folk holiday.

Life is like a dog sled: if you don't go ahead, you see the same thing all the time.

Happiness is when the desired coincides with the inevitable.

Every time, leaving the hairdresser, I am tormented by the same question - why did they ask me how I want to cut my hair?

Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it was.

Love is like war: easy to start, hard to end, impossible to forget...

A bit of Vishnevsky:

I look good, but not often.

It’s easier for men, their mothers-in-law love ...

Yes, finally agree: I'm not stubborn!

I love without memory ... without memory ... whom? ..

Years go by, I'm still in my thirties...

Hindering happiness - you and being overweight.

Here is the scoundrel: he blushes - and does not lie!

Today pilaf without meat. And no rice.

What is this money? It's a giveaway!!!

Both my mother and the Ministry of Health warned ...

Significantly silent, but asks unambiguously!

In bed, he is like a god: he does not snore!

There is a lot of children in it: he does not like semolina porridge ...

I believe that you can ruin someone's life!

No matter what, no matter where, no matter who...

Time heals, but the outcome is always fatal...

All in soap, but I control myself ...

Fate, baring its teeth, smiled...

I have nothing to hide, but I really wanted to hide ...

Love is needed like money: daily.

I fell asleep without saying goodbye ... I'm getting a divorce!

I demand now, but not immediately!

It's time to put up, tomorrow is pay day...

Loving a man who don't give a fuck about me is my style, yeah...

There are many in the world good people, but I always communicate with the fuckers, it's more interesting with them

And in a white dress and veil, I go with flowers to the altar, and my father shouts after me Anton bl ** don’t dishonor the family!

Who said you need a valid reason to hate? None of that.

If the cat flies ass-first over the fence, it means that he blew something off the table.

Even a billion hearts under your ava won't fix the flaws of nature on your fuck

Short about me - f*ck brains and fuck a lot

At home they say: "Leave your nerves at work!" At work: "Leave your nerves at home!". Fuck, where to leave the nerves?

I respect the ocean. He takes lives and he doesn't give a fuck.

They say when you start to give a fuck about a person, he begins to understand what he has lost. So let the f**k rule the world. Everyone will be happy.

The hedgehog came out of the fog, ran out of marijuana, he suddenly found hemp, and went into the fog again!

And again I step into the bottomless heights, with a huge poster ... "Fuck it all."

What a pity that you are finally leaving.

A bad person is the one who does not love me, the good one.

Move the tomatoes - go faster.

Eating too much is bad, but too little is boring.

Who gets up early gets everyone.

Ugly women are always jealous of their husbands; beautiful - not before, they are jealous of strangers.

A real intellectual will never say - "as she was a fool-fool, so she remained", he will say - "time has no power over her."

You need to rejoice today, otherwise tomorrow will be even better.

He buried his ax of war somewhere on Mira Avenue...

How many of us brainless sages!

This morning, such horrors were shown in the mirror.

Not to be able, not to be able, to theorize - I can, I can, I practice.

The end of the world was canceled because of people like you.

We had a Schrödinger relationship with her.

Don't leave the bar, don't make a mistake.

Nothing invigorates in the morning like an unnoticed door jamb.

Left with a nose, he became completely unbearable!

Life is beautiful if you do not remember the past and do not think about the future.

The goose also thought he was bathing until the water boiled...

Miracle on a platter.

Hate is negatively charged love.

Erysipelas in clay, in the pope of a branch, which means I came from reconnaissance!

Keep it simple and microbiologists will reach out to you.

There is never too much empty space!

Yes, so that Bilan on skates dreamed of you!

Having broken the spear on the stupidity of the opponent ...

I'm not as stupid as you look.

If you want to lose weight - go to the students.

Everything behind: you have to turn around!

Life has gone by.

I get the impression that apart from impressions, I have nothing added up.

Do not go into someone else's network with your protocol!

I don't treat my schizophrenia. She doesn't hurt me.

Today I can't.

Week of Modern Youth: Loafer, Repeater (loafer repeater), Delirium, Quarter, Pitnitsa, Clubbbot, Hangover.

Don't think anything bad, but I don't care what you think of me.

If there is tea on the table, then you must definitely drink it.

If you don't shut up now, you'll smile with your gums.

If there are no beautiful and smart at the same time, then I don't exist?

Never forget about your sclerosis.

Nerves gave me away.

Of all the money, I love paper money the most.

Between two beautiful roses - a nasty fly agaric grew.

Lying on the couch the meaning of life.

I woke up, thus starting a series of terrifying events.

How to love your neighbor if he resists?

Oh sorry. It seems the middle of my sentence interrupts the beginning of yours.

I sit in the bath, I fish. sometimes the doctor comes...

What are you standing on the doorstep? Don't be shy, go f*ck!

Today I am in awe.

How to distinguish a real law degree from a fake when buying?

Eh, here earlier time was! How do you remember! Fifteen minutes past one, for example.

We are not fish - fish are dumb.

You don’t sleep all day, you don’t eat all night - of course, you get tired.

Everything happened by chance, although it was planned.

I wanted to leave, but then they poured again.

Strange, today is Monday, but not happy at all.

Comrade in misfortune will not advise bad!

A new statue will be erected in Holland - a giggling boy pissing on a pissing boy.

There are no humble people. Some people just don't have much to be proud of.

The thought that someday I still have to stop doing garbage is very scary.

If a friend is in trouble, I will circle the friend with chalk.

Throughout his life, Pushkin teaches us that a talented person must first learn to shoot.

I didn't even have you on my mind.

Obeying the primitive instinct, like a real hunter, I caught, skinned, cooked and ate celery for dinner.

I'm pretty secretive person. And it's none of your fucking business why.

The computer does not obey the laws of physics. Only in it glitches arise from nothing, files disappear into nowhere, and the volume is measured in meters and is called weight.