Karen Horney herself wrote about her book that in it she sought to give a more complete and accurate description of a person suffering from neurosis, to describe the conflicts that really drive him, the experiences and the many difficulties that he experiences in relationships with people, as well as in relation to himself. myself. No particular type or types of neuroses are considered here, but the emphasis is on describing a character structure that is repeated in one form or another in almost all people suffering from a neurosis. Not the past, but the current conflicts of the neurotic and attempts to resolve them, as well as his pressing anxieties and the defenses created from them, are highlighted. It should be noted that Horney writes quite intelligibly and clearly, which provides an opportunity for an unprepared reader to feel her ideas.
The book consists of an introduction and fifteen chapters, where she sets out in detail and in an accessible way her thoughts on the nature of neuroses and on the influence of culture as one of the main sources of neurosis.
In the introduction, Karen Horney talks about why she wrote this book, and also about the differences between the views of orthodox psychoanalysts and her own views. She does this in comparison with the main provisions of Freud, emphasizing her opinion about the social orientation of psychoanalysis.
So, in the first chapter "Cultural and psychological aspects understanding of neuroses" Horney says that in Lately people are increasingly using the word "neurotic", but no one has any clear idea of \u200b\u200bwhat it is, but everyone definitely adheres to some criteria. The choice of criteria, according to Horney, depends on many factors. The understanding of neuroticism is different in different historical epochs, and in different cultures, among representatives of different social classes, and even among males and females. In this chapter, Horney also criticizes Freud for being too biologistic in his discussion of the nature of neuroses. She also talks about the existence of two signs that can be found in all neurotics, without delving into a deep analysis of the personality: the rigidity of the response and the gap between a person's capabilities and their realization. Obviously, these signs are not enough to define a neurosis, but, nevertheless, one can approach its description: "neurosis is a mental disorder caused by fears and defenses against them, as well as attempts to find compromise solutions to the conflict of multidirectional tendencies" (Karen Horney Neurotic personality of our time / Publisher: Ayris-Press, 2004).
The second chapter, "What Leads Us to Talk About the 'Neurotic Personality of Our Time,'" is devoted to two areas in which the study of the sphere of influence of neurosis on the personality is limited. First, there are neuroses that can arise in individuals whose personality is otherwise preserved and not distorted. Secondly, the character disorders themselves are interesting, not the symptoms, since personality deformations are a constantly recurring picture in neuroses, while symptoms in a clinical sense may manifest themselves to varying degrees or be absent altogether. that in most cases the symptoms of neurotics have more differences than similarities, she also highlights the problems of competition, emotional isolation, distrust from others and fears of failure that may occur in neurosis, and classifies the observed relationships (relationships of love, affection and disposition of a person (both towards other people and from their side), relations associated with the assessment of "I"; relationships associated with self-affirmation; with aggression; with sexuality).
The third chapter "Anxiety" is written in order to clearly explain his position regarding such a concept as "anxiety" and what Horney understands by this term. This is necessary because, in her opinion, anxiety is the dynamic center of neuroses. Initially, Horney herself put an equal sign between the concepts of fear and anxiety. As her ideogenesis progresses, she changes her mind and says that both fear and anxiety are adequate responses to danger, but in the case of fear, the danger is obvious, objective, and in the case of anxiety, it is hidden and subjective. Horney also concludes that culture generates great anxiety in people living in it, and contributes to the emergence of certain defenses that lead to neurosis.
Chapter Four "Anxiety and hostility" is about how the two concepts stated in the title of the chapter correlate and how anxiety and hostility interact with each other. This interplay effect between hostility and anxiety, always mutually reinforcing and mutually reinforcing, makes it possible to understand why there is such a huge amount of unrelenting hostility in neuroses. This mutual influence is also the main reason why severe neuroses so often intensify without any apparent complicating conditions from outside. It does not matter whether the primary factor was anxiety or hostility: a crucial point for driving forces neurosis is that anxiety and hostility are inextricably intertwined.
Chapter Five, The Deep Structure of Neuroses, begins with how factors child development may lead to neurosis. Horney takes the position that the most important thing is for the child to feel wanted and loved. If he feels this, then he may not notice the rest of the "lack" on the part of his parents. And if he does not feel, then a neurotic can “develop” who is able to simultaneously experience an urgent need to command others and want to be loved, and at the same time strive for submission, while imposing his will on others, and also avoid people who do not giving up the desire to be loved by them. It is precisely such absolutely insoluble conflicts that are usually the dynamic center of neuroses. The desire for love and the desire for power often collide. This, in principle, does not contradict Freud's views, but Horney still considers the conflict between a person's motivation and social pressure to be an insufficient condition for the emergence of a neurosis. The clash between a person's desires and social demands does not necessarily lead to neuroses, but can also lead to actual limitations in life, that is, to a simple suppression or repression of desires, or, in the most general way, to actual suffering. Neurosis arises only if this conflict gives rise to anxiety, and if attempts to reduce anxiety lead in turn to defensive tendencies, which, although equally urgent, are nevertheless incompatible with each other.
In the sixth and seventh chapters ("Neurotic need for love and affection", "Additional characteristics of the neurotic need for love"), a description of the neurotic need for love is given, which the author defines as "gluttony, expressed in terrible jealousy:" You are obliged (a) to love only me!". And by jealousy, the author understands "... insatiability and the requirement to be the only object of love." "You must (a) love me no matter how I behave." The partner must constantly prove his "true" love by sacrificing their moral ideals, reputation, money, time, etc. Any non-fulfillment of these always absolute requirements is interpreted by the neurotic as a betrayal.Other signs of neurotic love are also described (extreme sensitivity to rejection, inability to be alone, etc.)
The eighth chapter, "Ways to Achieve Love and Sensitivity to Rejection," is devoted to a description of the main means by which the neurotic tries to achieve the satisfaction of his need for love - to draw attention to his love, to arouse self-pity and threaten.
Chapter 9, "The Role of Sexuality in the Neurotic Need for Love," deals with the neurotic need for love and affection, which often takes the form of sexual passion or an insatiable need for sexual gratification. But the links between feelings of love, affection, affection and sexuality are not as close as is commonly believed. "Deviations" in neurotics in this area are associated, as a rule, with such concepts as "fear" and "anxiety", and they, in turn, with the problems of resolving the Oedipus complex, which, according to Horney, is itself a neurotic formation.
Chapter 10, "The Pursuit of Power, Prestige, and Possession," explores power, prestige, and possession as one of the ways our culture often uses to seek relief from anxiety along with seeking love and affection. Which of these goals predominates in the neurotic desire for comfort depends both on external circumstances and on differences in individual abilities and psychological structure. Horney combines these three concepts because he believes that they have something in common that distinguishes them from the need for love. To win love and affection is to gain comfort by increasing contact with others, while the desire for power, prestige and possession means to gain comfort by weakening contact with others and by strengthening one's own position.
The eleventh chapter, "Neurotic Rivalry," is written about the role that rivalry plays in the development of neurosis. Some people inherit power, prestige and wealth. But if power, prestige and fortune have to be acquired by one's own efforts, then a person is forced to enter into competition and struggle with others. Born in the sphere of economics, rivalry extends to all other activities and permeates the sphere of love relationships, interpersonal relationships, play. Therefore, competition is a problem in human culture, and it is not at all surprising to find it as a constant center of neurotic conflicts. Neurotic rivalry differs from normal rivalry in three ways: the neurotic constantly compares himself with others, even in situations that do not require it; the ambitious desire of the neurotic is not limited to achieving more than others, or to be more successful, but also implies a desire to be unique and exceptional (the goal is complete superiority); hidden hostility inherent in the ambition of the neurotic, his attitude that "no one but me should be beautiful, capable, lucky." Horney also highlights the fact that rivalry also leads to a violation of the relationship between the sexes.
The twelfth chapter, "Aversion to Competition," tells how, because of its destructive nature, the competition of people suffering from a neurosis generates great anxiety and, as a result, aversion to competition. The source of neurosis is the fear of retribution for the ruthless and relentless pursuit of ambitious goals. The fear of losing love further exacerbates the situation. Therefore, the neurotic usually finds it safer to do what will not hurt him, and not what he wants to do. The older he gets, the more he feels the discrepancy between his potential and real achievements. He feels hurt, despised, insulted, and reacts with the corresponding vindictive indignation. The neurotic, whether he realizes it or not, is in fact not only a very unhappy person, but he does not see any possibility of escaping his misfortunes. The thirteenth chapter "Neurotic guilt" is about the primary role of guilt in the picture of manifestations of neuroses. Neurotic often accompanies the fear of judgment, which can manifest itself in various forms. The fourteenth chapter "The meaning of neurotic suffering - the problem of masochism" reveals the meaning of suffering for the neurotic. For the neurotic, suffering may have the value of a direct defense, and may often be the only way in which he is able to protect himself from imminent danger. Through self-flagellation, he avoids blame and in turn blames others; appearing sick or ignorant, he avoids reproaches; by lowering himself, he avoids the danger of rivalry. Despite the value of suffering in the strategic plan, there is one factor that speaks in favor of the opinion that the neurotic wants to suffer: often he suffers more than is due to his strategic goal, tends to exaggerate his unhappiness, sinks into feelings of helplessness, grief and self-destruction. worthlessness. Horney compares his arguments for masochism with those of Freud. She sums up all her reflections in the following conclusion: “masochistic impulses are, in essence, neither a sexual phenomenon, nor the result of biologically given processes, but originate in personal conflicts. Their goal is not suffering; the neurotic wants to suffer just as little as and any other person. Neurotic suffering, insofar as it performs these functions, is not what the individual wants, but what he pays. As for the satisfaction he seeks, it is not suffering in in the proper sense of the word, but the rejection of one's "I". In the fifteenth chapter "Culture and Neurosis", Karen Horney criticizes Freud for the absence of the social in his theory. Freud reduces culture to the sublimation and repression of biological instincts. He focuses on the quantitative relationship between the share of displacement and the volume of culture. Karen Horney talks about the qualitative relationship between the nature (quality) of individual conflicts and the nature (quality) of the difficulties generated by culture. The quantitative factor cannot be ignored, but it can only be assessed in the context of the entire structure. There are certain characteristic difficulties, inherent in culture, which are reflected in the form of conflicts in the life of each person and which, accumulating, can lead to the formation of neuroses. Also in this chapter, Horney highlights the main trends, in her opinion, that are relevant to the problem of neurosis and culture: competitiveness; the contradiction between the stimulation of needs and the actual obstacles to their satisfaction. At the end of the fifteenth chapter, Horney draws a rather succinct conclusion: "While a normal person is able to overcome difficulties without harming his personality, in a neurotic all conflicts are intensified to such an extent that they make any satisfactory solution impossible. It seems that a neurotic can become such a person who has experienced cultural difficulties in an aggravated form, breaking them mainly through the sphere of childhood experiences, and as a result was unable to solve them or solved them at the cost of great damage to his personality. We could call him the stepson of our culture.
The goal that guided me in writing this book was to give a more complete and accurate description of a person living among us and suffering from a neurosis, to describe the conflicts that really drive him, the experiences and the many difficulties that he experiences in relationships with people, as well as in regarding himself. I am not considering here any particular type or types of neuroses, but I am concentrating on describing the character structure which in our time recurs in one form or another in almost all people suffering from a neurosis. Particular attention is paid not to the past, but to the current conflicts of the neurotic and attempts to resolve them, as well as his pressing anxieties and the defenses created from them. This emphasis on the actual situation does not mean that I give up the idea that, in essence, neuroses develop from the experiences of early childhood. But I disagree with many psychoanalysts in that I do not think it justified to focus on childhood in a kind of one-sided fascination with it and to consider subsequent reactions as repetitions of earlier experiences. I want to show that the connection between childhood experiences and later conflicts is much more complex than many psychoanalysts suggest, who speak of simple causation. Although experiences in childhood create the determining conditions for the emergence of neuroses, they are nevertheless not the only cause of subsequent difficulties. When we focus our attention on the prevailing present moment problems of the neurotic, we are aware that neuroses are generated not only by individual experiences of a person, but also by those specific cultural conditions in which we live. In fact, cultural conditions not only give weight and color to individual experiences, but ultimately determine their specific form. For example, it is the fate of the individual to have a domineering or “self-sacrificing” mother, but this or that type of mother is determined by given cultural conditions, and also only because of these existing conditions will such an experience affect later life. When we realize the enormous importance of influence cultural conditions on neuroses, those biological and physiological conditions which Freud regards as underlying them recede into the background. The influence of these latter factors must be considered only on the basis of firmly established data. This orientation of mine has led to some new interpretations of a considerable number of fundamental problems in the neuroses. Although these interpretations deal with such fundamentally different issues as the problem of masochism, the internal causes of the neurotic need for love and affection, the meaning of neurotic feelings of guilt, they all have a common basis - the recognition that anxiety plays a determining role in the generation of neurotic character traits. ... This book presents the impressions that I received in the course of a long psychoanalytic study of neuroses. In order to present the material on which my interpretations are based, I would have to describe in detail the histories of numerous cases, which would be too cumbersome for a book intended to give general idea about the problems connected with neuroses... This book is written in an accessible language, and for the sake of clarity I have refrained from discussing very many related problems. As far as possible, technical terms were not used, since there is always a danger that such terms will replace clear understanding. As a result, many readers, especially non-professionals, may think that the problems of the neurotic personality are not at all difficult to understand. But such a conclusion would be erroneous and even dangerous. We cannot get away from the fact that all psychological problems are inevitably subtle and complex. If anyone does not want to acknowledge this fact, he had better not read this book, otherwise he will be confused and disappointed in the search for ready-made formulas. The book you are holding in your hands is addressed to non-professionals, as well as to those people who, by the nature of their work, have to deal with neurotic personalities and who are familiar with the problems associated with them. This last category includes not only psychiatrists, but also social workers and educators, as well as those groups of anthropologists and sociologists who have realized the importance of psychological factors in the study of different cultures. Finally, I hope that this book will be useful for the neurotic himself. While he does not reject in principle all psychological speculation as an intrusion and the imposition of alien opinions, he often, through his own suffering, has a finer and more precise understanding of psychological complexities than his healthy counterparts. I take this opportunity to express my gratitude to Miss Elizabeth Todd, who edited this book. The authors to whom I am indebted are mentioned in the text. I am particularly grateful to Freud for providing us with the theoretical basis and "tools" to work with, and for his patients, because all my understanding grew out of our joint work.
Chapter 1. Cultural and psychological aspects of understanding neuroses.
Quite often in our time we use the term "neurotic" without, however, having any clear idea of what it means. It is often understood as nothing more than a slightly arrogant way of expressing disapproval: someone who previously would have been content with the words “lazy,” “vulnerable,” “overly demanding,” or “suspicious” is now likely to say “neurotic.” However, we do mean something specific when we use this term, and, without fully realizing it, we rely on special criteria in choosing it. First, neurotics differ from normal individuals in their reactions. For example, we will tend to consider a girl neurotic who prefers to stand out in nothing, refuses to receive more high pay and not aspiring to achieve a higher position, or an artist who earns only 30 dollars a week and prefers to be content with little instead of working and striving for more. The reason we will call such people neurotic is that most of us are only familiar with a pattern of behavior that involves striving to succeed in life, to get ahead of others, to earn more than the minimum necessary for a normal existence. These examples show that the criterion we apply in defining a person as neurotic is whether his lifestyle coincides with any of the patterns of behavior accepted in our time. If a girl, devoid of competitive urges, or at least without clearly expressed desires for competition, lived in the culture of the Pueblo, she would be considered absolutely normal. Or if an artist lived in a village in southern Italy or Mexico, he would also be considered normal, because in that environment it is inconceivable that anyone would want to earn more money or put in any more effort than is necessary to satisfy their immediate needs. needs. Let us turn to the past of Greece. There, the desire to work more than was necessary to meet the needs of a person was considered indecent. Thus the term "neurotic" itself, although medical in origin, cannot now be used without regard to the cultural aspects of its meaning. It is possible to diagnose a broken leg without knowing the patient's cultural background, but calling an Indian boy a psychopath because he says he has visions he believes in is a huge risk. In the peculiar culture of these Indians, the ability to experience visions and hallucinations is regarded as a special gift, the blessing of spirits, and the ability to cause them is deliberately stimulated as bestowing special prestige on the person who has them. With us, a person who talks for an hour with a deceased grandfather will be considered a recognized neurotic or psychopath, while such communication with ancestors is considered a recognized model among some Indian tribes. We will indeed consider a person who is mortally offended when the name of his deceased relative is mentioned to be neurotic, but om will be considered absolutely normal in the culture of the Jicarilla Apache tribe. A man who is mortally frightened by the approach of a menstruating woman will be considered neurotic, while in many primitive tribes the fear of menstruation is a common attitude. The concept of what is normal changes not only in different cultures, but also, over time, within the same culture. For example, in our time, if a mature and independent woman would consider herself "above", "unworthy of love from a decent person" just because she had previously entered into sexual relations, those around her would suspect a neurosis. About forty years ago, this kind of guilt would have been considered normal. The idea of the norm also varies among different classes of society. For example, members of the feudal class consider it normal for a person in their circle to indulge in recreation all the time, being active only during hunting or military operations, while a member of the petty bourgeois class who exhibits the same attitude will definitely be considered abnormal. This variation is also due to gender differences as they exist in society, as is the case in Western culture, where men and women are considered to have different temperaments. The manifestation of over-anxiety and fear of approaching old age for a woman of forty is "normal", while a man in a similar situation would be considered neurotic. Every educated person understands that there is variation within the boundaries of what is considered normal. We know that the Chinese eat food different from ours; that the Eskimos have different ideas of cleanliness than we do; that the healer does not have the same methods of treating the patient as the modern doctor. However, the differences concern not only customs, but also motives and feelings, often less understood, although this has been explicitly or implicitly reported by anthropologists. One of the virtues of modern anthropology, as Sapir said, is that it constantly rediscovers the idea of a normal, standard pattern. For essential reasons, every culture holds the belief that its inherent feelings and desires are the only normal expression of "human nature," and psychology is no exception to this rule. Freud, for example, concludes from his observations that a woman is more jealous than a man, and then tries to explain this apparently general phenomenon on biological grounds. Freud also seems to have assumed that all people experience guilt associated with murder ("Totem and Taboo"). What is undeniable, however, is the fact that there are huge differences in attitudes towards murder. As Peter Freuchen has shown, Eskimos do not believe that a murderer deserves to be punished. In many primitive tribes, there is a custom: in order to calm the mother who has lost her son, the place of the murdered in the family is taken by one of the relatives of the murderer. Using more deeply the discoveries of anthropologists, we have to admit that some of our ideas about human nature are rather naive, such as the idea that competition, childhood rivalry in the family, the relationship between affection and sexuality are phenomena inherent in human nature. We arrive at our notions of normality through the approval of certain standards of behavior and feelings within certain groups that impose those standards on their members. But standards change according to culture, era, class, and gender... Part of moving along this path means following the path that led Freud to an understanding of neuroses that was unthinkable before him. Although in theory Freud traces the deep connections of our characteristics with biologically determined drives, he strongly emphasizes - in theory, and even more so in practice - that we cannot understand neurosis without a detailed knowledge of the circumstances of an individual's life, especially attachments in early childhood, which have a formative effect. influence... We have already seen that neurosis presupposes a deviation from the norm. This criterion is very important, although not sufficient. People can deviate from the general pattern without suffering from neurosis. The artist mentioned above, who refused to spend time earning more than necessary for life, the amount of money, may have had a neurosis, or maybe he had enough wisdom not to be like others involved in everyday race, competition and struggle . On the other hand, many people who, according to superficial observation, have adapted to existing life patterns, may have a severe neurosis. It is in such cases that psychological or medical analysis. Curiously enough, from this point of view it is extremely difficult to say what constitutes a neurosis. In any case, as long as we study only the picture of manifestations, it is difficult to find signs that are common to all neuroses. We definitely cannot use symptoms such as phobias, depressions, functional somatic disorders as a criterion, because they may be absent. There are always some kinds of inner inhibitions (the reasons for which I will discuss later), but they can be so subtle or so well hidden that they elude superficial observation. The same difficulties will arise if we judge other people's disorders, including disorders in sexual relations, on the basis of expressed manifestations alone. They are always present, but they can be very difficult to recognize. However, they have two features that can be found in all neuroses without a deep study of the personality structure: a certain rigidity of response and a gap between a person's capabilities and their realization. Both of these features require further explanation. By rigidity of response, I mean the lack of flexibility that allows us to respond in different ways to different situations. For example, a normal person becomes suspicious when he feels or sees reasons for it; a neurotic can be suspicious all the time, regardless of the situation, whether he is aware of his condition or not. A normal person is able to see the difference between sincere and insincere compliments; the neurotic makes no distinction between them, or under no circumstances believes them. A normal person will feel angry if he feels an unjustified deception; any hint (even if he realizes that this is done in his interests) is enough for a neurotic to get angry. A normal person may at times be indecisive when faced with an important and difficult issue, a neurotic is constantly in indecision. Rigidity, however, indicates the presence of a neurosis when it deviates from cultural patterns ... Similarly, the discrepancy between potentialities this person and his actual life achievements are caused only by external factors. But it can indicate the presence of a neurosis: if, despite his gifts and favorable external opportunities for their development, a person remains barren; or, having everything to feel happy, he cannot enjoy it; or, having a brilliant appearance, a woman does not consider herself attractive. In other words, the neurotic stands in his own way. Leaving aside the picture of external manifestations and turning to the consideration of the driving forces involved in the generation of neuroses, one can discover one essential important factor common to all neuroses. It is anxiety and the defenses that are built against it. However intricate the structure of a neurosis may be, anxiety is the motor that starts the neurotic process and keeps it going. The meaning of this statement will become clear in later chapters, and so I will refrain from giving examples here. But even if we accept this thesis only provisionally, as a basic principle, it requires clarification. As it is presented, this statement is obviously too general. Anxiety and fears (let us use these terms interchangeably for a moment) are ubiquitous, and so are defenses against them. These reactions are not limited to humans. An animal frightened by this or that danger either goes over to a counterattack or runs away. We have exactly the same situation of fear and protection. For example, we are afraid of being killed by lightning and install a lightning rod on the roof, or we are afraid of the consequences of possible accidents and take out an insurance policy. Fear and defense factors are also present. They are presented in various specific forms in each culture and can take on a institutionalized form, as in the case of wearing amulets as protection against fear of the evil eye, in the case of observing elaborate rituals to protect against fear of the dead, a taboo regarding the danger of meeting a woman during menstrual cycle as a protection against fear of the evil emanating from her. What, then, are the signs of neurotic fears and defenses that make them specifically neurotic?... First. The conditions of life in every culture give rise to certain fears... The neurotic, however, not only shares the fears common to all people in a given culture, but due to the conditions of his individual life, which are intertwined with the general conditions, he also experiences fears that are qualitatively or quantitatively different from fears. certain cultural pattern. Second. To counter the fears that exist in a given culture, there are generally certain defenses (such as taboos, rituals, customs). As a rule, these defenses are a more expedient way of dealing with fears than the neurotic's defenses, constructed in a different way. Thus the normal person, although he has the fears and defenses of his culture, will be generally quite capable of reaching his potential and enjoying the pleasures that life has to offer him. The normal person can make the best use of the opportunities offered by his culture. To put it in terms of denial, he suffers no more than is inevitable in his culture. The neurotic, on the other hand, always suffers more than the normal person. He invariably has to pay an excessive price for his defenses, consisting in the weakening of his vitality and capacity, or, especially, in the weakening of his ability to achieve and enjoy, as a result of the difference I have indicated. In fact, the neurotic is a constantly suffering person. The only reason I did not mention this fact when I discussed the signs of all neuroses that can be gleaned from superficial observation is that this fact cannot always be observed from the outside. Even the neurotic himself may not be aware that he is suffering. There is another essential sign of neurosis, and it consists in the presence of a conflict of contradictory tendencies, the existence of which, or at least their exact content, the neurotic himself is not aware of and in relation to which he involuntarily tries to find certain compromise solutions. It was this last feature that Freud, in various forms, emphasized as an indispensable constituent part neuroses. The difference between neurotic conflicts and conflicts commonly encountered in a given culture lies not in their content and not in the fact that they are basically unconscious - in both cases they can be identical to the common conflicts in a given culture - but in the fact that neurotic conflicts are more pronounced and more acute. The neurotic seeks and arrives at compromise solutions - not accidentally called neurotic - and these solutions are less satisfactory than those of a normal person, and are achieved at a high cost to the person as a whole. Having stated all these considerations, we are not yet able to give a well-founded definition of neurosis here, but we can approach its description: neurosis is a mental disorder caused by fears and defenses against them, as well as attempts to find compromise solutions to the conflict of oppositely directed tendencies. For practical reasons, it is appropriate to call this disorder a neurosis only when it deviates from the culturally accepted pattern.
The neurotic is always on guard against other people, believing that any interest they show in third parties means neglect of him.
The neurotic fluctuates in his self-esteem between a feeling of greatness and insignificance.
The conflict situation of the neurotic person stems from a desperate and obsessive desire to be first and from an equally strong obsessive urge to restrain oneself.
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Neurotics cannot express their desires or cannot refuse requests from others. They have internal prohibitions on doing something in their own interests: expressing their opinion, asking someone to do something, choosing and agreeing with someone, establishing pleasant contacts. They also cannot defend themselves against persistent requests, they cannot say “no”.
Love itself is not an illusion, despite the fact that in our culture it most often serves as a front for the satisfaction of desires that have nothing to do with it; but it turns into an illusion, since we expect from it much more than it is able to give.
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The difference between love and the neurotic need for love lies in the fact that the main thing in love is the very feeling of affection, while in a neurotic the primary feeling is the need for gaining confidence and calmness, and the illusion of love is only secondary.
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In addition, there is a marked contradiction between their desire to receive love from others and their own ability to nourish this feeling.
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The neurotic need for love and affection can be focused on one person - husband, wife, doctor, friend. If this is the case, then the affection, interest, friendship and presence of this person become of great importance. However, the importance of this person is paradoxical. On the one hand, the neurotic tries to attract the interest of such a person, to get him, fears the loss of his love and feels rejected if he is not around; on the other hand, he does not experience happiness at all when he is with his "idol".
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The neurotic need for love and affection often takes the form of sexual passion or an insatiable need for sexual gratification.
Basal anxiety means that, due to inner weakness, a person feels a desire to shift all responsibility onto others, to receive protection and care from them; at the same time, due to basic hostility, he feels too deep distrust to fulfill this desire. And the inevitable consequence of this is that he has to spend the lion's share of his energy on calming and strengthening self-confidence.
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The neurotic fluctuates in his self-esteem between a feeling of greatness and insignificance.
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A neurotic can simultaneously feel an urgent need to command others and want to be loved, and at the same time strive for submission, while imposing his will on others, and also avoid people, without giving up the desire to be loved by them. It is precisely such absolutely insoluble conflicts that are usually the dynamic center of neuroses.
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The obsession with perfection develops to a large extent from the need to avoid any disapproval.
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A person whose sexual desires increase under the unconscious influence of anxiety, naively inclined to attribute the intensity of his sexual needs to innate temperament or freedom from conventional taboos. In doing this, he makes the same mistake as people who overestimate their need for sleep, imagining that their constitution requires ten or more hours of sleep, when in reality their increased need for sleep may be due to various, not finding exit emotions. Sleep can serve as one of the means of avoiding all conflicts.
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If a neurotic is kept waiting, they interpret this as if they are considered so insignificant that they do not feel the need to be punctual with them; and this can cause outbursts of hostile feelings, or result in a complete withdrawal from all feelings, so that they become cold and indifferent, even if a few minutes ago they might have looked forward to meeting.
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The neurotic is always on guard against other people, believing that any interest they show in third parties means neglect of him. The neurotic interprets any demand as betrayal, and any criticism as humiliation.
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The neurotic does not realize how much his morbid sensitivity, his latent hostility, his nitpicking demands interfere with his own relationships.
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Neurotic parents are usually dissatisfied with their lives, do not have satisfying emotional or sexual relationships, and therefore tend to make children objects of their love. They pour out their need for love on the children.
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Adherence to educational theories, overprotectiveness or self-sacrifice on the part of the "ideal" mother are the main factors that create an atmosphere that, more than anything else, lays the foundation for a feeling of great insecurity in the future.
A neurotic person may experience a sense of dread as he approaches the realization that genuine love is being offered to him.
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A child can endure a lot of things that are often related to traumatic factors: sudden weaning, periodic beatings, sexual experiences - but all this as long as he feels in his soul that he is desired and loved.
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Talking about the neurotic's tendency to shift the blame onto others can be misunderstood. He can be taken as if his accusations are baseless. In fact, he has very good reasons to be accused because he was treated unfairly, especially as a child. But there are also neurotic elements in his accusations; they often take the place of constructive efforts leading to positive goals and are usually reckless. For example, a neurotic may bring them against those people who sincerely want to help him, and at the same time he may be completely unable to lay the blame and make his accusations against those people who really do harm.
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Neurotic jealousy also distinguishes the neurotic, it is dictated by the constant fear of losing a loved one, although the partner gives absolutely no reason for such jealousy. This type of jealousy can manifest itself on the part of parents towards their children if they seek marriage, or, conversely, on the part of children when one of the parents wants to marry.
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Neurotic suffering, insofar as it performs these functions, is not what the individual wants, but what he pays. As for the satisfaction to which he seeks, this is not suffering in the proper sense of the word, but the renunciation of his "I".
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In our culture, there are four main ways to avoid anxiety: rationalizing it; its denial; attempts to drown her with drugs; avoidance of thoughts, feelings, urges, or situations that trigger it.
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I don't think one can understand any severe neurosis without realizing the paralyzing helplessness that goes with it. Some neurotic people express their irritation in a blatant way, while in others it is deeply hidden behind submissiveness or ostentatious optimism. And then it can be very difficult to see that behind all these claims, strange vanity, hostile relations in hiding is a human being who suffers and feels forever cut off from everything that makes life attractive, who knows that even if he achieves what he wants, he still cannot enjoy it. A person to whom every possibility of happiness is closed would have to be a real angel if he did not feel hatred for a world to which he cannot belong.published
Reading Karen Horney ("The Neurotic Personality of Our Time"). Abstract.
Over the past 7-8 years, I have been approached more and more often by clients in whose lives there are two or more oppositely directed desires, “oppositely directed aspirations”, in Horney's words. As a rule, the result of such a “gap” is sad - a lot of suffering and disappointment ...
The desire to help them understand, to provide psychological help and support led me to a detailed study of Karen Horney's "theory of neuroses". The more I studied her work, the clearer the picture of neuroses in Horney's understanding, the contours of the "neurotic personality of our time" loomed. Thanks to this more detailed study of the heritage of K. Horney, my understanding of the life and actions of a neurotic changed, and the structure of assistance. After processing the notes compiled while reading The Neurotic Personality of Our Time, I got a small summary, which I present to everyone interested in studying the legacy of Karen Horney.
Chapter 1. Cultural and psychological aspects of understanding neuroses.
Signs of a neurotic personality:
A certain rigidity of response (lack of the flexibility that allows us to respond in different ways to different situations).
A constantly suffering face.
The presence of a conflict of conflicting tendencies.
Neurotics are:
Their reactions (for example, constant suspicion, regardless of the situation).
The neurotic stands in his own way.
The neurotic suffers constantly.
What forms a neurosis?
Phobias, depressions, functional somatic disorders and not only (some types of internal prohibitions, disorders in sexual relations).
Anxiety and the defenses that are built against it.
Signs of neurotic fears and defenses:
1) living conditions in every culture give rise to some fears.
2) to reflect fears, there are certain methods of protection (taboos, rituals, customs). + The "normal" person suffers no more than is inevitable in his culture, while the neurotic always suffers more.
3) in a neurotic, conflicts are more pronounced and more acute. Strives for conflict solutions, which are achieved at a high price.
Neurosis - a mental disorder caused by fears and defenses against them, as well as attempts to find compromise solutions to the conflict of multidirectional tendencies.
Chapter 2
Since our interest is focused on how neurosis affects the personality, the scope of our research is limited to two areas. First, there are the neuroses that can arise in individuals whose personality is otherwise preserved and undistorted. (And secondly) character neuroses, i.e. those states in which - although their symptomatic picture may be exactly the same as in the case of a situational neurosis - the main disorder lies in the deformations of character.
1) Simple situational neuroses (short-term lack of adaptation to a specific difficult situation).
2) Character neuroses (the main disorder is character deformations, which are the result of a latent chronic process that begins in childhood and covers more or less extensive areas in the overall structure of the personality).
It is characterized by neurotic reactions that in a healthy person would not cause any conflict at all.
Deformation of the personality of a neurotic:
hysterical character,
obsessive-compulsive disorder
Psychological analysis aims to find out:
1) Sexual roots of attraction.
2) Infantile behavior.
1. Relationships of love, affection, disposition of a person (both towards other people and from their side).
2. Relationships associated with the assessment of "I".
3. Relationships associated with self-affirmation.
4. Relationships associated with aggression.
5. Relationships related to sexuality.
neurotic traits:
1) excessive dependence on the approval or favor of others (indiscriminate hunger for favor or appreciation).
A marked contradiction between the desire to receive love from others and their own ability to nourish this feeling.
2) internal insecurity, feelings of inferiority and inadequacy.
An extensive group of prohibitions (internal prohibitions, for example, prohibitions on expressing their desires or requests, expressing an opinion or reasonable criticism, and much more, up to choosing the person with whom they want to communicate).
3) internal prohibitions due to what we can call the assertion of our position (often not able to defend ourselves from attacks or say “no” - for example, refuse a saleswoman when imposing an unnecessary thing, with love encroachments, etc.).
Internal prohibitions on knowing what he wants (difficulties in making decisions, realizing his own desires, up to choosing a profession or life partner).
Neurotic people are driven by certain neurotic fears:
Accumulation of money - fear of falling into poverty.
Living without love - endless love stories.
4) aggression:
Difficulties associated with aggression - actions directed against someone, attacks, humiliation of other people, infringement on their rights, etc., that is, any form of hostile behavior.
It comes in two forms:
a) the tendency to be aggressive, domineering, over-demanding, commanding, deceiving, criticizing, finding fault. Often people do not realize this and are sure that they are right.
b) people who believe that they are constantly deceived or controlled, scolded or humiliated, that the world has taken up arms against them and deceives them.
5. sexual sphere:
a) an obsessive need for sexual activity.
b) a ban on sexual activity (in any form).
Chapter 3
Anxiety (anxiety) is understood as an emotional reaction to danger, which may be accompanied by such physical sensations as trembling, rapid breathing, strong heartbeat.
That is, fear is a reaction proportional to the danger at hand, while anxiety is a disproportionate reaction to danger, or even to imaginary danger. For example, people experiencing constant fear die.
Anxiety can arise as a result of a conflict of opposing desires (for example, to live and die).
Trying to convince the neurotic that his anxiety is unfounded (persuasion method) is useless.
Therapeutic significance is the identification of the meaning that a certain situation carries for the neurotic.
The meaning of anxiety in human life:
In a neurotic, it manifests itself in the form of vague anxiety, in the form of attacks of fear, can be tied to certain situations and actions, such as fear of heights, streets, public speaking; maybe it has something to do with the fear of going crazy, getting cancer, swallowing a needle. Or neurotics, who are aware only of the presence of feelings of inferiority, depression, disorders in their sexual life, etc. In the analysis, they reveal hidden anxiety, and awareness of their anxiety leads to the assumption that we can experience anxiety without even knowing it. Anxiety can be a defining factor in our lives, while at the same time remaining unconscious to us. We do our best to avoid anxiety. Some components of the affect of anxiety are especially unbearable for a person:
Helplessness.
Irrationality.
Loss of control.
An indication that something is not right within us and something needs to be changed.
Four main ways to avoid anxiety:
1) Rationalization of anxiety.
2) Denial of anxiety.
3) An attempt to drown anxiety with drugs.
4) Avoidance of thoughts, feelings, urges, or situations that cause anxiety.
1) Rationalization - the best way excuses for avoiding responsibility.
2) Denial or elimination of anxiety from consciousness.
Physical signs of fear or anxiety: trembling, increased sweating, rapid heartbeat, feeling of choking, frequent urge to urinate, diarrhea, vomiting, and psychologically: a feeling of impatience, a feeling of a sudden onset or paralysis.
3) Anesthetization of a neurotic is not only taking alcohol or drugs, but also narcotic suppression of anxiety - an attempt to “drown” it at work, and on weekends and holidays anxiety arises; excessive need for sleep, although sleep does not contribute to recuperation; sexual activity that can relieve anxiety, such as compulsive masturbation):
4) Avoiding all situations, thoughts or feelings that may trigger anxiety. There may be a conscious process (for example, a person who is afraid to dive into water avoids doing it).
There is a vaguely conscious or unconscious process. For example, put off things that cause anxiety from day to day. The neurotic can also "pretend", that is, subjectively consider that the certain actions he is considering are insignificant. Or "pretend" that the neurotic does not like doing certain things and reject them on that basis (for example, for fear of rejection to refuse to go to parties).
Next is the phenomenon of inner prohibition, which is expressed in the inability to do, feel or think about certain things. Presented in hysterical loss of functions: hysterical blindness, dumbness or paralysis of the limbs. In the sexual sphere, such prohibitions represent frigidity and impotence.
In the mental sphere - prohibitions on concentrating, forming or expressing opinions, on establishing contact with people.
Prerequisites for the beginning of awareness of the presence of internal prohibitions:
Be aware of the desire to do something in order to be aware of the inability to do it.
The prohibition can perform such an important function that the neurotic perceives it as a fact beyond doubt and change.
Prohibitions that coincide with socially/culturally approved forms of prohibitions or attitudes (for example, ideological ones).
It is important to know:
1) Performing an action about which we are anxious creates a feeling of tension, fatigue, or exhaustion.
2) Anxiety associated with a certain activity will result in dysfunction (an order given in a plaintive, apologetic tone, for example).
3) Anxiety associated with the activity will spoil the pleasure that this activity could otherwise bring. For example, with significant anxiety, roller coaster riding will turn into torture. Severe anxiety in sexual relationships will deprive them of pleasure.
Anxiety can be hidden behind feelings of physical discomfort (strong heartbeat, fatigue); behind numerous fears (outwardly rational and justified); may be a hidden force that pushes the neurotic to alcohol and drugs.
Anxiety is the reason for the inability to do something or enjoy something.
Anxiety is an important factor behind inner inhibitions. Our culture breeds great anxiety.
The more neurotic a person is, the more his personality is permeated and shackled by such defenses and the more things he is not able and does not try to do, although, due to his energy, mental abilities or level of education, he can do them.
Chapter 4
Anxiety is fear that is dictated by a subjective factor.
This is a feeling of powerful, inevitable danger, before which a person is powerless.
Two factors: insurmountable danger and defenselessness.
In fact, hostile impulses of various kinds form main source from which neurotic anxiety arises.
In the neuroses of our time, hostile impulses are the main psychological force that generates anxiety.
The psychological consequences that result from the repression of hostility need to be explored.
To repress hostility means to pretend that all is well and thus withdraw from the struggle when we should fight or when we would like to fight. Therefore, the first inevitable consequence of such repression is that it creates a sense of insecurity or, to be more precise, reinforces an already existing feeling of helplessness.
Repression occurs when, in any situation, awareness of one's own hostility becomes unbearable for a person. In this case, there is no possibility of conscious control.
If the hostility is repressed, the person has no idea that he is experiencing it.
The explosive power of the repressed affect is even greater. As long as a person is aware of his anger, its manifestation is limited in three ways:
1) Accounting for the current situation shows a person what he can and what not.
2) If anger relates to a person whom he otherwise admires, loves or needs, then his anger sooner or later is included in the complex of all his feelings.
3) To the extent that a person has developed a certain idea of what should and should not be done by the established personality, this also restrains his hostile impulses.
In case of displacement:
A) the feeling of anger is constantly renewed.
b) a person notices within himself the presence of an explosive affect that is not amenable to his control.
In the case of repression, a person "projects" his hostile impulses onto the outside world. The result is that the person in question (on whom the hostile impulses are projected) takes on an enormous dimension in his mind. The more defenseless a person is, the greater the danger appears. It is not the individual himself who feels the desire to steal, deceive, exploit, humiliate, but others want to do this in relation to him.
The projection process plus the fear of retribution play a huge role in the psyche of people suffering from neurosis.
By repressing his own hostility, a person denies that there is any hostility on his part, and by projecting his repressed hostility onto something, he denies any hostility from others. A person seeks protection in such a situation, for example, in extra hours of sleep or drinking.
K. Horney's scheme:
A) A person perceives danger as coming from his own motives.
B) Danger is felt as a threat from outside.
Group A) appears to be a direct result of repression from the point of view of the consequences of repression of hostility, group B) suggests a projection.
1) Danger is felt as a threat to the Self.
2) Danger is felt as threatening to others.
Then we have 4 main types of anxiety:
A1: Danger is felt as coming from one's own motives and threatening the Self.
A2: Danger is felt as coming from one's own motives and threatening others.
B1: Danger is felt as coming from outside and threatening the Self.
B2: Danger is felt as coming from outside and threatening others.
The interplay effect between hostility and anxiety, always mutually reinforcing and mutually reinforcing, allows us to understand why we find so much unrelenting hostility in neuroses. This mutual influence is also the main reason why severe neuroses so often intensify without any apparent complicating external effort.
Freud put forward this view of anxiety:
1) Anxiety arises as a result of the repression of drives.
2) Anxiety arises as a result of fear of those drives, the discovery or following of which creates an external danger.
Chapter 5
The main evil is invariably the lack of genuine warmth and affection. The child is very sensitive to whether love is genuine.
The main reason is the parents' inability to give love due to their own neuroses.
Causes of neuroses/formation of neuroses:
Infantile anxiety.
Distrustful or malicious attitude towards all people.
The belief that the world as a whole is dangerous and scary.
Over time, there is a feeling of loneliness and powerlessness in a hostile world.
Separate acute reactions to particular provocative situations crystallize into a character warehouse: deep anxiety, which is inextricably intertwined with deep hostility.
In psychoanalysis, it is recognized that deep anxiety underlies the attitude towards people.
1) situational neuroses - often results are easily and quickly achieved.
2) character neuroses - huge obstacles and a long time.
Deep anxiety is described as:
Feeling of insignificance, helplessness, abandonment, exposure to danger.
Being in a world that is open to insults, deceit, attacks, insults, betrayal, envy.
An underlying distrust of every person, a deep contempt for everyone, a deep anxiety can be transformed into a sense of danger from a thunderstorm, political events, germs, accidents, canned food, up to a feeling that a person is being pursued by fate (evil fate).
Can underlying anxiety and hostility be "normal"? Like helplessness before powers greater than ourselves, yes. Such as death, illness, old age, natural disasters, political events, accidents, etc.
Deep anxiety in a certain way affects a person's attitude towards himself and others. It means emotional isolation, all the more unbearable in that it is combined with a sense of inner weakness of the “I” ... It carries the germ of a potential conflict between the desire to rely on others and the inability to do so due to the distrust and hostile feeling coming from the depths of them. It means that due to inner weakness, a person feels a desire to shift his responsibility to others, to receive protection and care from them, at the same time, due to deep hostility, he feels too deep distrust to fulfill this desire. As a result, you have to spend the lion's share of your energy on calming down and strengthening self-confidence.
In our culture, there are four main means by which an individual tries to protect himself from basic anxiety:
1) Love.
2) Subordination.
3) Power.
4) Reaction of leaving (dismissal).
1) Love is a formula: if you love me, you will not harm me.
2) Submission - can be:
A) to persons or institutions. For example, submission to generally accepted traditional views, religious rituals, or the requirements of some powerful person. This attitude can take the form of a need to be "good".
B) a generalized form of submission to the potential desires of all people and the avoidance of everything that can cause indignation and resentment.
And for the first and for the second submission, the formula: if I yield, no harm will be done to me. Often aimed at seeking protection.
3) Power - the desire to achieve security by providing real power, success or possession. Formula: if I have power, no one can offend me.
4) Departure - an escape from the world - the achievement of independence from others in satisfying one's external and internal needs.
For example, accumulation of property (from external needs) or limitation to a minimum; emotional isolation (internal needs) up to the departure from a serious attitude to anything, including the “I” itself.
Formula: if I react by withdrawing, leaving, nothing will touch me.
Continuation should...
The book by the eminent German-American psychologist Karen Horney includes one of her most popular works, The Neurotic Personality of Our Time.
Horney offers the reader an effective algorithm for analyzing and overcoming his internal complexes and conflicts. The intelligible and simple style of presentation makes the author's thoughts understandable even to an unprepared reader.
"I tried to give a fuller and more accurate description of a person living among us and suffering from a neurosis, to describe the conflicts that really drive him, the experiences and the many difficulties that he experiences in relationships with people, as well as in relation to himself. I do not consider here some particular type or types of neurosis, but I concentrate on describing the character structure which in our time is repeated in one form or another in almost all people suffering from a neurosis.
Particular attention is paid not to the past, but to the current conflicts of the neurotic and attempts to resolve them, as well as his pressing anxieties and the defenses created against them.
On our website you can download the book "The Neurotic Personality of Our Time" by Karen Horney for free and without registration in epub, fb2, pdf format, read the book online or buy the book in the online store.
