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Remember that wishing health to people, you wish poverty to physicians!
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Imagine that your attending physician studied like you.. -Scary..?
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A physician is one whose task is to prevent people from dying a natural death.
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The patient needs medical attention. And the further the doctor goes, the better for the patient.
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Record in the medical card: " Mental abnormalities no, just stupid
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A couple at the doctor: - Doctor, my wife doesn't want to have sex at all. - It's not true! - Protests wife. -I want! But not every month!
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If a person really wants to live, then medicine is powerless. - Statuses
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Dear, I went to the doctor yesterday, he said that I would have a child! - I'm thinking: what if I go to a car mechanic, will I have a car?
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Good health is when you go to the pharmacy only for condoms...
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Doctor, will I live? - What's the point?
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The patient asks the doctor: - What does it mean in my diagnosis: F.E.Z.? - The devil knows.
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Doctors examine the conscript: - What's wrong with the hand? They took blood from a finger. - Why is the arm in plaster? - I didn't!
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The happiness of doctors is that their successes are in plain sight, and their mistakes are hidden underground.
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Doctor: "What kind of anesthesia do you need? Is it cheaper?" Patient: "Of course!" Doctor: "Bayu-bayushki-byu ..."
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The main medical secret is medical errors. - Statuses
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The grandson, who spent the whole summer with his grandmother in the village, measures the pressure better than the local doctor.
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The possibilities of medicine are endless. Limited options for patients
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When the doctor announced to him a terrible diagnosis - infertility, he was so confused that he did not even know what to say to his pregnant wife ...
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Well, you don’t have to be so sick so that all the doctors in the hospital recognize you. :(
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- Doctor! We are losing him!!! - Don't worry so much! We have a whole room of them...
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I snorted cocaine for a long time, but a doctor forbade me. I did not listen to the doctor, and I am satisfied. Cha-cha-cha
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The best medical specialty- dermatology. Patients will not wake you up in the middle of the night, they will never die of their illness, and they will never recover.
Martin Fisher
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Where are you going? I'm going to the doctor. And what are you carrying? My urine. Where are you going, weirdo? And I'm going to the doctor, I'm bringing cognac. Puzzle yourself with a question, Who will the doctor help sooner?!
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The most terrible doctors of the time: childhood - a dentist, youth - a venereologist, old age - a pathologist ...
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Health is when everything hurts, but you still have the strength not to go to the doctor. - Statuses
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The doctor must have the eyes of a falcon, the hands of a girl, the wisdom of a snake, and the heart of a lion. Avicenna
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The doctor heals diseases, but nature heals.
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Medicine is the art of making inferences about the symptoms of disease from causes of death.
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The main task of paid medicine is to transform acute pain into chronic pain.
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Medicine is powerless in the case when the patient passionately desires to live.
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Madhouse misses us. The doctors are crying nervously.
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He took off his underpants and it became clear that medicine and I were powerless...=(- Statuses
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Gynecologist - to the dentist: It's not for you to pick your teeth ...
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In order to die on the same day, it is not necessary to live happily ever after.
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A speech therapist recruits patients with subsequent guaranteed employment in a tram and trolleybus depot.
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The radiologist, heating the chicken in the microwave, out of habit said:
"Don't breathe."
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“I really don't like your cough.
“I can't help it, doctor, there's nothing else.
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Day medical worker or Medic's Day - celebrated every year on the third Sunday of June.
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Yes, there was a time when I woke up from a text message "My beloved, good morning" Well, it's nothing to blame, I'll fix it myself !!!
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I fell in love with the doctor and confessed in a temper. He said: go home and calm your nerves.
Statuses about doctors and doctors
A doctor must be a prudent person, beautiful, kind and philanthropic.
Hippocrates
Treat the sick as you would like to be treated in the hour of illness. First of all, do no harm.
Hippocrates
It is essential that the physician keep his hands clean and his conscience unsullied.
Hippocrates
Everything that is in wisdom is also in medicine, namely: contempt for money, conscientiousness, modesty, simplicity in dress, respect, determination, neatness, an abundance of thoughts, knowledge of everything that is useful and necessary for life, disgust to vice
denial of superstitious fear of the gods, divine superiority.
Hippocrates
A good doctor must be a philosopher,
Galen
The doctor must have the eye of a falcon, the hands of a girl, the wisdom of a snake, and the heart of a lion.
Abu Ali Ibn Sina
Whatever house I enter, I will enter there for the benefit of the sick.
Hippocrates
If we are demanding of ourselves, then not only successes, but also mistakes will become a source of knowledge.
Hippocrates
Love for the art of medicine is love for humanity.
Hippocrates
Lest I hear anything about human life that should never be divulged during treatment - and also without treatment - I will keep silent about it, considering such things a secret.
Hippocrates
You don't need a middle doctor. Better no doctor than a bad one.
M. Ya. Mudrov
Not only the doctor himself must use everything that is necessary, but also the patient, and those around him, and all external circumstances must contribute to the doctor in his activity.
Hippocrates
Of all the sciences, there is no doubt that medicine is the noblest.
Hippocrates
Recognizing latent diseases. A skilled physician gives us healing.
Abu Ali Ibn Sina
cool and funny sayings, quotes, expressions, aphorisms about medicine and physicians
Free healthcare is often more expensive. (
The good of the patient is the highest law for doctors. (
Sick, wake up. It's time to take a sleeping pill.
The patient behaved badly, for which he was operated on a second time.
The patient refused an autopsy...
If a person had thirty-two eyes, ophthalmologists would be no poorer than dentists. (quote author: Ilya Gerchikov)
Be careful when reading medical books. You can die from a typo. (quote by Mark Twain)
The great advantage of the physician is that he is not obliged to follow his own advice. (Posted by: Agatha Christie)
Faith in a doctor comes along with illness. (author of the aphorism: Baurzhan Toyshibekov)
A visit to the doctor is often more painful than the reason for it. (author of the aphorism: Boris Krieger)
The possibilities of medicine are endless. The patient's options are limited!
The doctor is the most humane profession. Especially the pathologist!
The doctor, when first starting to treat his patient, should do it gracefully, cheerfully and with pleasantness for the patient. And a gloomy doctor will never succeed in his craft. (quote by Montaigne Michel)
A doctor who has never lied to a patient in his life is a bad doctor. (author of the statement: Baurzhan Toyshibekov)
A doctor may have a great talent, be able to catch the most subtle details of his appointments, and all this remains fruitless if he does not have the ability to conquer and subjugate the soul of the patient. (quote author: Vikenty Vikentievich Veresaev)
A doctor retires when there is not enough strength to fight his own illnesses. (author of the statement: Valery Krasovsky)
The doctor must have the eyes of a falcon, the hands of a girl, the wisdom of a snake, and the heart of a lion. (author of the aphorism: Avicenna)
A doctor is nothing but a consolation for the soul. (author of the aphorism: Arbiter Gaius Petronius)
The doctor is Satan when he demands a reward. (author of the statement: unknown)
The doctor is a philosopher: there is not much difference between wisdom and medicine. (author of the aphorism: Hippocrates)
Doctors are hated either out of conviction or out of avarice. (
Doctors know better what the patient is in pain. (author of the statement: Valery Afonchenko)
Doctors are not as willing to share diagnostic and treatment methods among themselves as patients who are waiting for a doctor's appointment.
Doctors, at best, know something about diseases, but they do not understand health at all. (quoted by Prentice Mulford)
Doctors are with us like children with toys - they are interested in what we have inside. (author of the statement: Ilya Gerchikov)
Doctors love to prescribe common truths to patients. (
Physicians work incessantly to preserve our health, and cooks to destroy it; however, the latter are more confident of success. (
Doctors cannot prolong life, but they can prolong illnesses.
Doctors rule over life and death and are almost the main representatives of God on earth. (quoted by: Stieg Larsson)
Physicians treat Nature's faults with their own. (author of the aphorism: Leonid S. Sukhorukov)
The doctor does not have to believe in medicine at all - the patient believes in it for two.
The times of thinking doctors are being replaced by computerization. (
Time heals, so don't waste it on doctors. (
Time heals, and doctors ascribe merits to themselves. (author of the aphorism: Garry Simanovich)
Always give the patient hope, even if it seems to you that death is already behind him. (author of the aphorism: A. Pare)
Everyone knows what a magical healing effect one comforting word from the doctor can acquire, and, conversely, how sometimes deadly ... the severe cold sentence of a doctor who does not know or does not want to know the power of suggestion affects the patient. (quote author: Vladimir Mikhailovich Bekhterev)
Cure the disease and exterminate the sick. (
There are more mentally ill patients in hospitals in the United States than all other diseases combined. (quoted by Dale Carnegie)
There is nothing exact in medicine, everything in it is built on mere hypotheses, more or less witty conjectures, the only serious approach is doubt. (quote by Miguel de Unamuno)
The new version of the Hippocratic Oath reads: “Only if you have an insurance policy…”
In Russia, you need to try to recover before the doctors begin to treat.
There is nothing true in psychoanalysis but exaggerations. ( Hygiene and medicine are also important, but health is the most important. ( Where G. Malakhov begins, medicine ends there! Gynecologist to dentist: “It’s not for you to pick your teeth!” Gymnastics is a healing part of medicine. The main task of the paramedic is to prevent the patient from dying by his own death. The main task of paid medicine is to transform acute pain into chronic pain! The main medical secret is medical errors. (author of the statement: Ilya Gerchikov) The main medicines are clean air, cold water, a saw and an axe. (author of the statement: V. D. Polenov) The effectiveness of medicine is weakened by unbelief and strengthened by hope. ( The effect of surgery among the branches of medicine is the most obvious. ( The business of medical art is not to make every person healthy, but to approach this goal as far as possible, because it is quite possible to treat well such people who can no longer recover. (quote by Aristotle) Diagnosis: acute intellectual disability. For the patient, the doctor must be a father, for health - a friend. (author of the statement: V. A. Danilevsky) A conscientious physician, before prescribing treatment to a patient, should know not only his disease, but also his habits in a healthy state, and the properties of the body. (quote by Cicero) Doctor if you cure me of internet addiction I will add you as a friend The doctor is not a horse, he does not eat flowers. Doctors are those who prescribe medicines they know little about to treat diseases they know even less about in people they know nothing about. (author of the statement: Voltaire) The patient who made the doctor his heir will hardly recover. (authored by: Thomas Fuller) The only doctor who thinks that everything is in order with you works in the military registration and enlistment office. The only man who cannot live without women is a gynecologist. ( If a hopeless patient recovers, then he was treated incorrectly. (author of the aphorism: Ilya Gerchikov) If the patient does not feel better after talking with the doctor, then this is not a doctor. (author of the statement: Vladimir Mikhailovich Bekhterev) If the patient really wants to live, doctors are powerless. (author of the aphorism: Ranevskaya Faina) If the doctor prescribes many different drugs for you, then he does not know what can really help you. ( If you have been ill for a long time or are hopelessly ill, it means that you have not yet found your doctor. Your doctor does not have to be outside. If the doctor knows what your ailment is called, it does not mean that he knows what it is. ( If you pay the doctor properly, the disease can become chronic ... If the client recovered faster than we were going to cure him, this is a flight to health. ( If it helped, nature is praised; if not, the doctor is blamed. ( If you already got to the dentist, then grit your teeth - and be patient. ( If a person really wants to live, medicine is powerless ... If a person takes care of his own health, it is difficult to find a doctor who would know better for his health than he does. (quote by Socrates) If I am a doctor, then I need patients and a hospital ... There are doctors who know everything, but know nothing - these are therapists. There are doctors who can do everything, but know nothing - these are surgeons. And there are doctors who know everything and can do everything, but we get to them too late .... There are many ways to improve your failing health, and the best of them is to see a doctor. ( Life is short, art is long opportunity transitory, experience deceptive, judgment difficult. Therefore, not only the doctor himself must use everything that is necessary, but also the patient, and those around him, and all external circumstances must contribute to the doctor in his activity. (quote author: Hipokrates) The commandment of the doctor - do not treat the disease, but the patient! Hello Free Doctor!! Hello, hopeless patient! The art of medicine consists of three elements: the disease, the patient, and the doctor. ( Feeling compassion for the patient, the doctor heals better, and feeling this compassion, the patient recovers faster. (Eduard Alexandrovich Sevrus) A true doctor is one who, in thought and doubt, does not lose his temper and knows how to influence the patient beneficially, as well as on the people around him. ( Everyone who goes to see a psychiatrist must first check whether he is in his right mind. (quoted by Samuel Goldwyn) What is the worst disease of all? These are the doctors. Only a doctor can kill a person with impunity. ( What kind of health you need to have today to endure medicine! ( When a doctor cannot do any good, let him do no harm. ( When the doctor leaves no chance, there is a chance to change the doctor. ( When the doctor is full, it is easier for the patient. The council of doctors ordered the patient to live long. ( We go to the doctor for the prospects of life, and we leave the doctor with the prospects of death. ( Treatment is a confrontation between the body and earnings. ( Treatment is a transfer from the majority of the sick to the minority of the healthy. ( The doctor heals diseases, but nature heals. ( It is not the disease that needs to be treated, but the soul. All methods of treating patients with modern medicine are similar to smearing with iodine and greenery the four legs of a bed on which a dying person lies. ( better to have good health than an excellent physician. It is better to fall into the hands of a happy doctor than a learned doctor. ( The best cure for dandruff is the guillotine. (French proverb) The best doctor is the one who knows the uselessness of most medicines. ( People in white coats, less negligence! ( The mask on the surgeon allows you to replace the professor with a trainee, even before anesthesia. ( The physician occupies a very special position within any society, any civilization: he is everywhere the subject of public attention and almost always irreplaceable. ( Physicians found out that the largest number Occupational diseases are found in astronomers: sleepwalking, flatulence, star fever, not to mention a whole group of venereal diseases. Medicine is advancing so rapidly that health cannot keep up with it. (author of the statement: Yankovsky Stas) Medicine is the only profession that is tirelessly trying to destroy the basis of its own existence. Medicine is the art of deceiving the patient until nature takes care of the disease. ( Medicine is one of the greatest delusions humanity. ( Medicine is the sister of philosophy. ( Medicine is a dubious science; rather, it is also an art - the art of putting into practice the conclusions of other people's research. ( Medicine is love, otherwise it is worth nothing. ( Medicine is a collection of illogical prescriptions that do more harm than good. ( Medicine is a way to die painfully, slowly and expensively. ( The medicine of the future is hygiene in the broadest sense of the word. ( Medicine makes us die longer and longer Medicine rarely cures, relieves often, and always consoles. Medicine is truly the noblest of all the arts. ( Medicine has taken a huge step forward. She decided that if a patient gets sick or dies, there is nothing to worry about, because how many healthy people are left? (quote by Boris Krieger) Medicine is made up of science and art, and over them stretches a wonderful veil of heroism. ( He respected medicine, but his representatives did not deserve it. ( There is unhealthy competition between free and paid medicine. (author of the statement: Leonid Krainov-Rytov) The Ministry of Health warns about what it is unable to prevent. ( We are urologists-doctors extract from urine for wine and grub! Probably I will be trampled from the internal organs - said the inflamed appendix !!! A securely fixed patient does not need anesthesia! Anesthesia is a means of protecting the surgeon from the advice of the patient during the operation. A novice doctor prescribes 20 medicines for each disease, and an experienced doctor prescribes one for 20 diseases. ( A neurasthenic is one who builds castles in the air. The psycho is the one who lives in them. The psychotherapist is the one who collects the rent. It is not always in the power of the doctor to heal the sick. Sometimes the disease is stronger than medicine. (quote by Ovid) Not to achieve empty glory, not for vile self-interest, but so that the truth spreads more. (From the oath of doctors.) Don't trust your health to a 100% healer. ( Even educated people can not recognize doctors, but only ignoramuses can deny medicine. ( Despite all the efforts of doctors ... the patient survived. Do not go to the doctors if you have nothing to help them. ( Some patients, despite the consciousness of doom, recover only because they are confident in the skill of the doctor. ( Some doctors are smart, others are not, but fifty times out of a hundred, even the best doctors don't know how to treat you. ( There are no hopeless patients. There are only hopeless doctors. ( No doctor knows a better cure for a weary body and soul than hope. ( No specialty sometimes brings as many moral experiences as a medical one. ( Never go to a doctor whose houseplants dry up. ( Nothing is more necessary for the whole human race than medicine. ( Nothing heals us all like a medical secret. ( Well, shall we begin to treat or let him still live!? General anesthesia is when the entire surgical team falls asleep with the patient. One of smartest people last century, Nietzsche, uttered a monstrous aphorism: "Do not try to cure the incurable." But this is perhaps the most deceitful of all the dangerous paradoxes he left us to solve. I affirm that the opposite is true: it is precisely the incurable that one must try to treat; moreover, it is only on the so-called "incurable" that the art of the doctor is tested. Recognizing the patient as incurable, the doctor evades his duty, he capitulates before the battle. (quote by Stefan Zweig) One doctor may perhaps cure you of an illness, but two doctors will cure you of your desire to be treated. Some come to medicine out of love for the suffering of people, others out of no love for their suffering. ( Some leave the doctor as if from the next world, others go to the doctor as if they were in the other world. ( Optimistic lying is so necessary in medicine that the doctor, unable to sincerely lie, has chosen the wrong profession. ( The awareness of patients is no less dangerous to health than the illiteracy of doctors. ( They demand a miracle from doctors and teachers, and if a miracle happens, no one is surprised. ( Doctor's first commandment: Do no harm! ( The first duty of the doctor is not to harm with his hands, not to interfere with the natural healing action of nature. ( The first stage can be treated with injections, the second - with surgery, the third - is still incurable. ( The sad consequences of the insolence of charlatans make us value physicians and the art of healing; doctors don't stop us from dying, but ball-latans kill us. (quote author: J. La Bruyère) Paid medicine is when the state of your wallet interests the doctor much more than the state of your health. ( It will be bad for the doctor if no one feels bad. ( The doctor is bad, after a conversation with which you did not feel better! Sometimes the disease is stronger than medicine. ( Formerly magic was confused with medicine; Now medicine is confused with magic. ( The vocation of a doctor is the will to learn from life and continuously improve. ( At paid medicine you have to pay for the treatment, if it's free, you have to pay. (author of the statement: Boris Yuzefovich Krutier) With paid medicine, the doctor's concern is not that your condition may worsen, but that it may decrease. With the help of exercise and abstinence, most people can do without medicine. ( Psychotherapy is a science according to which the patient is most likely to recover, but will forever remain a total idiot. ( Let the surgeon first of all act with the mind and eyes, and then with the armed hand (scalpel). ( The robber demands: purse or life. The doctor takes away the wallet, and life. ( The joyful expression on the doctor's face is the beginning of the patient's recovery. ( The reputation of a doctor depends on the number of outstanding personalities whom he sent to the next world. ( The most wonderful physician is nature, if only because she cures three-quarters of all diseases and never speaks ill of her colleagues. ( Burning yourself, always shine to others. (doctors) ( Tell me how sick I am and I'll tell you what kind of doctor you are. ( There is no need to hide your illness from two people: from a doctor and a friend. ( Doctor's advice has not yet cured anyone, but still it is some kind of entertainment for the patient. ( Doctor's advice: sneeze at everything! ( Modern medicine does not cure, but prolongs the possibility of leading an unhealthy lifestyle. The patient's condition directly depends on the condition. ( Sympathy for the sick should be the main movement of the mind and heart of the doctor. ( The essence of human nature is movement. Complete rest means death. ( Talented doctors attach the utmost importance to an accurate knowledge of human anatomy. ( Therapists know everything, but they don't know anything. Surgeons know everything, but they know nothing. Pathologists know everything, everyone knows how, but it's too late. Only a gynecologist changes women like gloves. Hard in treatment - easy in paradise! An amazing invention is psychoanalysis. The most primitive people begin to think that they are complex natures. ( A good doctor's medicine is not in the pharmacy, but in his own head. ( A good surgeon should have the eye of an eagle, the heart of a lion, and the hands of a woman. ( Philosophy and medicine have made man the most intelligent of animals, divination and astrology the most insane, superstition and despotism the most unfortunate. ( A surgeon is a person who washes his hands beforehand. ( The surgeon differs from the butcher in that the butcher does not cut alive. ( Surgery is a therapy driven to desperation. ( Going to the clinic is bad for your health. A good doctor, like a good captain, you really recognize during a storm, in moments of danger. A good doctor will save, if not from illness, then at least from a bad doctor. ( A good doctor is a person who knows the remedies for certain ailments or, if the disease is unfamiliar to him, calls to the sick those who can help him. ( A good doctor is the ally of the patient, and a bad doctor is the ally of the disease. ( A well-fixed patient does not need anesthesia. ( If you want to be a real surgeon, follow the army. ( Worse than heart failure is only lack of warmth on the part of healthcare workers. ( The goal of medicine is for people to die as young as possible. ( What the doctor won't tell you, an autopsy will show tomorrow! A person has no right to be a bad doctor, because the doctor is trusted with the most valuable thing - life and health. ( The more doctors, the less healthy people. ( The longer the ambulance rides, the more accurate the diagnosis. The more experienced the doctor, the more illegible the handwriting. To use free medicine, you must have free health. To cure anyone, you must first make a correct diagnosis. And in order to be able to make a correct diagnosis, one must have not only solid medical knowledge, but also a genuine interest in curing the disease. It is not enough to be a doctor, you must also be able to help. ( I am sick, but I stopped going to the doctors, because I have nothing to help them. ( I believe that the ideal doctor is a person who has a deep knowledge of life and the human soul, who intuitively recognizes any suffering and pain of any kind and restores the world with his mere presence. ( I was seriously ill, but despite the efforts of the doctors, I survived. ( I don't heal. I help the patient to be treated. ( 2400 - if the doctor is not lying ...))
The parable of how the old man complained to the doctor about his illness
The old man said to the doctor: “I got sick!
Lachrymation… Runny nose overcame”.
“Your cold is from old age,” the doctor said.
The old man told him: "I began to see badly."
“From old age, venerable man,
And weakness of the eyes, and redness of the eyelids.
Old man: “The whole back hurts and aches!”
And the doctor: "And in this old age is wine."
Old man: "Food doesn't do me any good."
And the doctor: "Your trouble is from old age."
Old man: "I'm coughing, breathing with difficulty."
And the doctor: “Old age is to blame for this and that.
After all, if old age comes to visit us,
He will bring a hundred diseases as a gift.
“Oh, you fool! said the old man to the doctor,
I don't want to be treated by you!
What have you been taught, fool?
Medicines would be able to doctor-sage
Help in any ailment
And you are an ass that remains an ass!..”
And the doctor: “And your irritability -
From old age, I vouch for you! — Rumi
Student years are a wonderful time that gives a lot of discoveries, fun and allows you to make new friends. A student is a unique person who can not eat, not sleep, skip classes, and then take it and learn everything in a couple of nights. Although, there are jokes about this, that no matter how much a student studies and no matter how he prepares for exams, one night is still not enough for him to learn everything.
Student and session are inseparable concepts. But luck often smiles at students and helps them get the right ticket. During their studies, student people often complain about how hard it is for them to live, because they constantly lack scholarships and twice a year for a couple of weeks they have to become a superman. But as soon as they say goodbye to the university, they realize that it was the best time in their lives. Appreciate your student years, because they will fly by so quickly, and, alas, they will not return back.
We bring to your attention a selection of quotes and aphorisms about students. Put them in your statuses and remember that a student is not a vocation, but a state of mind!
Who was not a student
So do not understand:
How you want to eat!
How you want to sleep!
A student is a person who always wants to sleep and eat.
“Good!” said the professor and ruined the student's red diploma.
Better than good, can only be excellent!
Conscience is wealth, and students, as you know, are poor people.
If students have the audacity not to go to lectures, then there is no conscience to ask for a test.
Tired students are sleeping, books are sleeping ... Evil teachers with credits are waiting for the guys ... A harmful lecturer goes to bed so that we can dream at night ... Close your eyes, Za-bee-wai ...)))
Students perceive couples as a place where you can sleep ...)
“And if in a whisper? ” - 95% of students thought when they learned about Google voice search!
During a test or exam, students are visited by many brilliant thoughts, but the necessary information does not come to mind ...
Students and money are compatible things, but rarely and not for long.
Student people are usually in poverty ...
A student is like a dog ... Eyes are smart, but he can’t say anything.
Only dogs are devoted to their owners, but students are not to study ...)
A student in the 1st year - at least they would not be expelled! On 2 - now they probably won't kick me out. At 3 - now they definitely won’t be kicked out! On 4 - let them just try! On 5 - yes, I myself will expel anyone you want!
The first 2 years the student works in his own name, the rest - the name works for the student!
The student counts everything else for a long time or does not count at all ...
We drink in different doses. We fall asleep in different positions. We remember different moments. It's all called the word "students"!
Students can sleep as they like: on the go, in class, even during the exam they can fall asleep
The student does not understand at first, and then gets used to it.
It's only sad when such students start teaching or treating people...
About doctors
Learning to be a doctor means learning to be human!
The profession of a doctor is one of the noblest!
A good student is a good doctor, a bad student is the Chief Physician!!!
Twins are always lucky...
It is enough to look through a textbook on medicine, for example, a practical course in surgery, to understand whether you are a doctor or not.
If you do not faint from the illustrations and understand the meaning of at least 2/3 of the words, then you can become a doctor ...)
And the diagnosis was incorrect, and the prescription was inaccurate.
Medical students should study well, then they should treat people ...
In the operating room:
Doctor, it hurts!
- Quiet! We have an exam!!
If a medical student didn't faint during surgery, he has a future...)))
Medical students: "... you cut the meat, put it in a pan, fry it, somewhere between the second and third degrees of burns, you add vegetables to it..."
Medical thinking should be manifested even in everyday life!)))
“Doctor, I just found out I'm going to be operated on by a trainee.
Yes, surgery tomorrow.
- So it will kill ...
- And we will give him a bad mark for the exam ...)
Experience comes only with practice, you have to learn from someone ...)))
It is only the medical students of our group who can conduct a survey of the patient, and only after leaving the ward remember that they forgot to ask for the name.
And what hurts him, at least you didn’t forget to ask?)))
There is an artery in me that completely characterizes me - the same sleepy one.
There is such an artery in every person!
Preparing for an exam in pharmacology ... I have never wanted to clean, wash, bake pies, in general, anything, just not to teach ...
The student is ready for anything, just not to take exams at the medical faculty ...)
A selection of funny quotes
After what uni did to my brain, they should marry it.
Just pay him off first for the knowledge he gave you...)
Peace is peace! Student - beer!
You will not find a student who did not drink beer during the day with fire ...
A constantly cheating student learns from the mistakes of others.
You can't learn from someone else's mistakes as much as you learn from your own.
Students who failed the exam for the third time are asked to remove from the lexicon set expression"Live and learn".
Do they think they won't have to study at work?)
The biggest student lie is the "Literature List".
In this list, students usually insert everything that is relevant to the topic, and not everything that they used.
If you want to lose weight - go to the students.
No gym helps to lose weight like a session.
The condom in the pocket of an excellent student Sidorov recently celebrated its third anniversary.
Conscientious study is good, but also about personal life should not be forgotten!
In our country, most people after graduating from a university do not work according to their specialization, a diploma, in fact, is a certificate confirming that its owner is not a fool.
This is where the question arises, why do you need a diploma at all?))
Of all physicians, the rapid pulse of the patient is the most worrying pedantic pathologists.
The intern-physician, memorizing the Latin alphabet in word forms and expressions, recklessly summoned the fiery spirit of a demon from Gehenna.
A young doctor-intern came to the grandmother. When asked about a saving injection to help the old woman relieve an acute attack, the doctor thought about it and gave out that when he invents a method of treatment, he will certainly say.
The hospital is a human hospital where patients are healed painfully, rudely, sophisticatedly and scary, and the toilet is always busy.
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When the militia darling became the police "with a smell", conservative doctors also seriously thought about changing their image.
Doctors coffin behind stacks methodical literature your health, for the salvation of your precious.
According to physicians-esculapians, to meet New Year badly after five glasses it is impossible.
Doctors are powerless when the patient clings to life with the fibers of the soul, using faith and money.
A sterile institution, devoid of life and principles, is a hospital hospital.
The hospital diet is a standard treatment in a general hospital, with standard meals provided by the government.
Different doctors - different diagnoses, different prescriptions ... It's getting better, and you don't know what helped and what hurt you ...
Hello, is this a hospital? - No, it's a morgue. - Oh, it's too early for me! Nothing, we'll wait.
Hospital, ward with dystrophics. The doctor enters the room. - Hello, eagles! - Doctor, what kind of eagles are we... - And who flew yesterday when the ventilation was turned on?
Health is when everything hurts, but you still have the strength not to go to the doctor.
After a night with Angelina Jolie, a resident of Izhevsk will have plastic surgery. The doctors will try to take the smile off his face.
Doctor, what's wrong with me? Diagnosis: Early stage of falling in love… medicine is powerless…
I have an attack of autumn and the mood of August is in my blood. I am ill. I have a cold or an allergy - medicine is not up to date, even more so.
Dagestan doctors swear by the mother of Hippocrates.
2 old doctors are talking. - I had a patient who, according to all forecasts, should have died 10 years ago, but he is still alive. – Yes, it happens. This proves once again that when the patient really wants to live, medicine is powerless.
They demand a miracle from doctors and teachers, and if a miracle happens, no one is surprised. Maria Ebner Eschenbach.
There is something between us ... and medicine is powerless here ...
Colleagues are talking: - This doctor is a genius: he cured my wife in two minutes. - How did he do it? - He told her that all her illnesses are a sign of approaching old age ...
According to doctors, fifty grams of cognac at dinner is not only useful, but also not enough.
A well-fixed patient does not need anesthesia!
It is not enough to be a doctor, you must also be able to help.
There are no healthy people, there are not additionally examined
The doctors' strike has yielded its first results. Mortality decreased by 30%.
Hello! Hospital? Me a surgeon! Urgently! Get this idiot out of my brain!
Attention! I treat hunchbacks. Doctor Grave V.I.
The most wonderful physician is nature, if only because it cures three-quarters of all diseases and never speaks ill of its colleagues. W. Cherbulier.
Madhouse misses us. The doctors are crying nervously.
Why before heartache medicine is powerless...
An elderly lady with a pretty daughter enters the doctor's office. “Take off your clothes,” the doctor says to the girl. “I’m sick, son,” the mother explains. “Ah, I’m sorry, grandma. Show language.
Doctors examine the conscript: - What's wrong with the hand? They took blood from a finger. Why is the arm in plaster? - But I didn't!
Beaver, why do you have such white teeth? ... I'm not a beaver, I'm a narcologist ...
Anesthesia is the only means by which the doctor gets rid of the advice of the patient during the operation.
Hospital. Department for dystrophics: - Vasya, roll a pill! - And why immediately Vasya, let Petrov roll, he is strong, he wears a T-shirt!
Psychologists, lawyers and doctors rarely fall in love. Because they know all the vices and shortcomings of a person.
If you go out into the yard at night, lie down and look at the starry sky through a colander for a long time, you can see the face of an ambulance doctor.
The demonstration of doctors ended in vain: the authorities failed to read the demands on their posters.
Can't roast nails? Is someone watching you? Call us. Mental hospital.
How superstitious dentists are! They constantly tell you to spit, and they put a spittoon behind your left shoulder!
Any disease is cured with time and vodka, and if one or the other does not help, medicine is powerless!
Lips, pumped up your chest, you increased your hair - medicine is power ...
- When I was a child, the doctor told me: “If you don’t stop biting your nails, you will grow up to be an idiot.” "And why didn't you stop?"
Medicine is free, but not treatment.
“Well, the pulse is normal,” the doctor says. - Doctor, take my left hand: right - prosthesis.
Now is the time when your neighbor knows more about you than your doctor.
I read the certificate, I didn’t understand shit, I thought why all the doctors don’t skip the subject of “secret writing”!
The doctor prescribed me pills, I sit and think now, these are side effects or a dinosaur in the kitchen.
Oleg can afford to cross the street in the wrong place. His father is a policeman and his mother is a doctor. :)))
We have such medicine that it is better not to get sick at all ... XDXDXD
A resuscitator is a person who glues someone's flippers every day!
Doctor: - The cause of your illness is alcohol. Patient: Thank you doctor! You are the first person who does not put all the blame on me!
Doctor: Have you already been operated on? - Yes. - So how is it? “Three thousand dollars. - I mean, what did you have? “Only a thousand dollars. “Again, you misunderstood me. I ask what are you complaining about? - The cost of treatment.
Good health is when you go to the pharmacy only for condoms ...
He took off his underpants and it became clear that medicine and I were powerless ... = (
Doctors say: A universal remedy for all diseases is an ax!
The doctor must have the eyes of a falcon, the hands of a girl, the wisdom of a snake, and the heart of a lion. Avicenna.
Being treated by a young doctor is much worse than getting sick!
Life is a hospital where every patient dreams of moving to another bed.
The doctor heals diseases, but nature heals.
The most expensive pleasure is medicine ...
- Are you a doctor? - No - Then don't treat me!
It is important to remember that doctors are people like the rest of us, and that 80% of us do not understand anything about our work.
For a long time, doctors have tried all medicines on themselves. That is why tinctures and balms are made with alcohol.
If a person really wants to live, then medicine is powerless.
Doctors are white people in good coats.
In Russian trains, stations are announced in the same language as doctors write!
Doctor to patient: - If you quit smoking, you will live another 20 years. - Excellent, then I will probably quit at 80.
- Andrei Evgenievich, I want a new doctor. - And that the old one is over? (Interns)
The only doctor who believes that everything is in order with you works in the military registration and enlistment office.
Free medicine is a mixture of “health-fucking” with “white negligence” ...
People with bowel disorders have escaped from the hospital. Doctors quickly found them in hot pursuit.
