People come to me with difficult life situations. When you need to find the right, helping word and action.
We all have to deal with grief at some point in our lives. The topic is extremely unpleasant and not easy. And, once in such a situation, as they say, there is nowhere to go from the “submarine”.
Skills from women's courses are no good here.
In general, grief in itself is the loss of an object of love and affection.
Every day we hear about the tragic events taking place, but our thoughts do not move beyond a two-minute report - we return to our current affairs. Or even just sitting in the kitchen, we eat under the background of the TV.
But for me, this is not just a television report - for me, these are the consequences that people will continue to bear in their hearts on long years forward.
Because each person is left alone, with himself. Not prepared, not knowing, not protected.
Personally, I always think about it and therefore do not watch TV for many years.
I receive a lot of letters from women who are in such a situation: who lost their parents, who lost their children (God forbid, the most difficult situation), who lost their husband.
And each of them for many years "stuck" in this situation as if it happened yesterday. The acuteness of feelings remained. And almost everyone developed diseases against this emotional background.
Since I write about psychosomatics and work with it, in this article I want to tell you about the relationship between grief and illness as an example.
I am telling you so that you understand that grief always leads to illness, it is only a matter of time.
We discuss in detail about the feeling of grief (and what to do with it) at our programs and meetings. Now I want to show you a direct relationship visually.
How can I help you cope with the loss of a loved one?
So. I was approached by a woman, 55 years old, a working pensioner. Her initial request was for a daily, chronic headache.
First, I needed to assess her psychological state.
Outwardly, she looked well: neat, hairstyle, good clothes.
At first glance, she was energetic and cheerful, but behind this apparent energy one could discern some kind of fussiness and haste.
She said that her head hurts for about fourteen years every day.
During this time, I tried everything all types of treatment, the pills do not help for a long time, they relieve the pain for a short time and the pain returns again.
We began to understand, and at the very first consultation we got from a symptom of a headache to grief situation(loss of a son). The relationship was instantly apparent to both of us.
At the time of the beginning of work, from the moment of the situation, 14 years had passed. Long, painful fourteen years.
A more careful and detailed assessment psychological state showed a deeply traumatized state. Her condition was as if it were yesterday.
Fussiness helped to constantly be in the whirlwind of household chores and work, was in a good way"run away" from the strongest heartache. She could not even walk slowly and steadily. To not constantly wonder how to live after the loss of loved ones.
Her fussiness and constant haste acted as a way to protect the psyche from deep inner pain. Thus, the mind was always busy with things and there was no time to think about something else.
It was dangerous to be alone with your thoughts, memories could immediately flood and "cover with your head."
How to deal with grief?
I want to make a short digression for a more accurate understanding of the process that took place with us.
Grief includes a wide range of feelings - it is not one separate feeling, like anger, for example.
There is abandonment (a feeling of loneliness, isolation), anger, anxiety, panic, depression (depression), fear, annoyance, regret, frustration, guilt, shame, envy (for those who are doing well), love.
We all need to understand that grief is Long procces, stretched in time and psychological techniques will not help here.
Competent, long-term support helps here.
I would like to point out that Every person who lives in grief goes through four stages.:
1. emotional shock, numbness;
2. longing and desire to return the lost person;
3. violation of organization, order and despair (this is the stage of depression);
4. resolution (out of the situation).
After fourteen years of mental anguish, she was still in the second and third stages at the same time.
Her consciousness, under the pressure of the news of what had happened, instantly split (a state of shock) and this caused memory lapses. The series of events was recalled in fits and starts, it was not complete, broken.
At the moment of shock worked psychological defenses hence the numbness. She didn't feel anything, her feelings turned off.
Since everything happened in the hospital, the doctors gave her injections so that she would just “pass out” and sleep. It was the best thing that could be done at that moment, but then, as you understand, it did not get easier.
I must say that those around her at such a moment could not help in any way, there are no skills, no knowledge.
Grief and psychosomatics.
It is incredibly difficult for others to understand the full depth of the experiences of a person who is in such a situation.
All the advice she received from those around her came down to banal words: don’t grieve like that, you must be strong, be strong. And she tried to restrain herself as best she could.
Of course, it is difficult for others to withstand the prolonged emotional stress of the grieving person and therefore they want to leave quickly, since it is unbearable to look at all this.
Therefore, my client ended up left “one on one” with her situation. Not knowing how to live after the loss of loved ones.
As a result, all these tips led to even more blocking of feelings. And it would be better to respond to them in time.
It was against the background of strong, unreacted feelings that the disease arose. A strong intensity of feelings was forced out into the unconscious part of the memory and from there provoked a daily headache.
At that time, she found a way out in full immersion in work.
She plunged into work from 8.00 to 22.00, with one day off a month. I went to work early, came late, collapsed, sleep and no time to think, remember my pain.
Then there was fussiness and constant haste.
How to cope with the loss of a loved one with the help of a psychologist?
At our meetings, we worked with her experiences, feelings and sensations, with everything that happened.
Despite the fact that so much time had passed, it was absolutely impossible to “touch” her. You touch it, and tears flow in a stream, consciousness “goes”, the eyes become clouded, the mind does not understand anything - they immediately fell into retraumatization.
Helping a person and not injuring him again is not an easy task. The strongest feeling, dominating over all the rest of the conglomerate of feelings, was anger and guilt.
Anger in her case "worked" in both directions, for the guilty, responsible persons for what happened and for herself, because she could not prevent the event.
Guilt, because she could not save, although this was by no means in her ability.
Her future closed to her at that moment and life no longer mattered.
As we said above, grief is a process. The most difficult thing is to bring through all the feelings and bring to the fourth stage "Resolution".
To the stage where she can accept the fact of loss, accept the situation and learn to live on, find meaning in later life.
How long did it take to cope with the loss of a loved one, and what was the result?
The work was carried out for a year and a half, three times a week, and we coped with it. 1.5 years of therapy versus 14 years of life lost. The question "How to live after the loss of loved ones" is resolved for her.
The headache has gone. Sadness remains, but sadness is bright. There was love without pain.
She began to walk with pleasure, slowly, without hurrying anywhere. And turned back to her own life.
Of course, a specialist will help to work out this situation deeper and faster. After all, that's what he's working for. I wrote about how to choose your specialist.
Ask your questions in the comments. Always happy to help.
PHOTO Getty Images
Kim Morgan is one of the UK's first business and personal trainers and Managing Director of the most successful coaching company, Barefoot Coaching. Winner of the British Coach of the Year Award.
1. Recognize the pain
Ben came to me after breaking up with his fiancee. A polite young man who had the courage to ask me for help. Ben and his girlfriend have been together since childhood: they went to university together, found Good work bought a house and set a wedding date. From the outside, they seemed like the perfect couple. But one day his girlfriend said she met someone else. And then she left her new home. Along with the cat. Ben had to cancel the wedding and inform the guests about it. He was left alone in a house full of memories.
“I felt like I had lost everything. She left me, just like everyone else: no one understands how lonely and sad I am. After a couple of months, my friends stopped asking how I felt; they hoped I survived it. People don't want to be around me because I'm so unhappy and I'd go crazy if anyone else suggested I try online dating."
Throughout the session, Ben was filled with many emotions: anger, shock, disbelief, pain, sadness, and confusion. I just listened to Ben that day and continued to listen to him in every coaching session for the next four months. I knew that by reliving what happened, it would be easier for Ben to come to terms with what happened and understand that his life would never be the same.
“The loss of health, the loss of a loved one, the loss of a job or social status are the hardest things to survive”
2. Four months in limbo
I shared my findings with a colleague, and he advised me to wait a bit. If we are separated from something that is dear to us, which is part of our personality, we experience grief. This feeling is a natural reaction to such strong changes. Loss of health, separation from a loved one, loss of a job or social status are the most difficult to survive.
It is also hard for us when our dreams and plans for the future are shattered. Everyone has a different reaction to loss, and everyone needs a different amount of time to get through it.
“Listening to the same thing day after day is hard. Explain to friends that when you talk about what happened, it is easier for you to come to terms with the loss.
3. One year for acceptance
Slowly but surely, Ben began to accept what had happened. He wondered why he could not come to terms with the breakup for so long and why was it so hard? I wondered what conclusions he would draw if he re-examined all the losses he had experienced?
Ben's parents divorced, since then he has not seen his father. The mother never talked to her son about what was going on. Then, without any warning, the boy was sent to a boarding school. The teenager had to learn to hide emotions and "live with it." Ben understood why the departure of his beloved was so painful. The breakup made Ben remember and feel the pain of all the losses he had experienced, starting with childhood grievances that he never expressed.
At the end of the training, Ben was proud that he had found the strength to face me, and not hide from pain, as he had before. I overcame the childhood habit of keeping feelings in myself, opened up and became more confident that I could create a new future. He admitted that he feels ready for life with all its ups and downs.
Exercises to help you cope with loss
Ask for some time and attention
Most people don't know what to do or say when someone is suffering. You will help your friends if you yourself ask them for a little time and attention.
Ask someone you trust if you can talk to him about the feelings and thoughts that overwhelm you right now?
Tell your loved ones that they don't need to look for solutions to your problems, or be sad because you are sad. It's just that you're in such a period now, but it will pass.
Admit that you need a listener. Listening is the best thing your loved ones can give you right now.
Explain to your friends that when you talk about what happened over and over again, it is easier for you to come to terms with the loss.
Thank your loved ones for simply listening.
Write a letter to yourself
When you feel the time has come, write a letter to someone or something that you have lost. But don't send it.
You can write about lost love or job, about former partner, about the house where you used to live, about the pet, about the health problem - about everything that you have ever lost.
Write in your letter:
1. All the good and happy memories of the time spent together.
2. What did you value most about them.
3. So that you can do better, and what could do better for you.
4. How do you feel now.
5. How the time spent together and this experience changed your life.
6. Recognize that you cannot turn back time and change the past.
Save the letter and reread it from time to time, adding thoughts and memories. This exercise will help you accept the past and let it into the future. Remember, you cannot tailor the recovery process. And be kind and patient with yourself.
Health
Unfortunately, most of us ignore the symptoms of an impending disease.
We have become so entrenched in the idea of our own invulnerability that even a cold becomes a surprise, and when we are given a more serious diagnosis, it generally turns out to be a real blow to us.
Today we will talk about a few not very obvious, but rather dangerous signs that you are losing your health a little.
health loss
Persistent cough
Regular coughing does not mean you have cancer. But if prolonged attacks occur for no apparent reason (allergies, colds or asthma), then this is a reason to be wary. However, among other things, it can be a symptom of the development of lung cancer. If the cough is also accompanied by hoarseness, then it may be cancer of the larynx or throat. Get cancer screenings at least once a year.
You constantly catch colds and flu
Every person is attacked daily by bacteria and viruses, but the immune system of a healthy person is able to fight pathogenic organisms. If you're the kind of person who immediately gets sick when in contact with a friend who has a cold, or catches a cold from your children, then your immune system isn't functioning properly. Get tested.
Sudden fits of anger
More than half of people who suffer from severe depression experience sudden bouts of anger. It is impossible to get rid of this problem with the help of medications alone, it will also require work with a cognitive psychologist.
If you have noticed that you are losing your temper over trifles for a long time, you may need to seek help. Depression in its advanced form quickly develops into obsessive-compulsive disorder.
handwriting change
Parkinson's disease is accompanied by the death of nerve cells in our brain. The most terrible thing in this situation is that a person does not notice any drastic changes, and therefore does not resort to diagnostics. But studies have been able to prove the existence of a connection between a person's confused handwriting and this disease.
Our brains are slowly ceasing to produce Chemical substance dopamine, which signals the limbs to move. This, in turn, provokes the development of stiffness in the muscles of the hands, which affect handwriting. Another important symptom of this disease is the appearance of incredibly vivid dreams and loss of smell.
Degrees of health loss
Malfunctions of the genitourinary system and intestines
Too frequent trips to the toilet can indicate that a person has problems with the bladder, and in the case of men, developing prostate cancer. Frequent diarrhea or constipation screams about the disease of the colon. Of course, both of these indicators can be caused by different external reasons, however, if you feel unwell for more than a week, then do not put off going to the doctor.
Rash and itching on the skin
Painful rashes on the face, elbows, knees, and scalp look just like eczema, but can actually be a much more serious problem. These symptoms can be caused by an autoimmune disease called celiac disease. If confirmed, then most likely you will need to permanently give up products containing gluten.
Our skin is our largest organ, so don't ignore the moments when your body wants to tell you something. In addition to celiac disease, frequent outbreaks of acne, eczema, psoriasis and other rashes can speak not only about it and allergies, but also about the fact that your nervous system is under stress. Find the strength in yourself to understand what stressors provoke this condition of your skin.
What is dangerous to health
Dental problems
Often people are faced with the problem of worn enamel, which, in turn, is a sign of acid reflux, a rather complex and unpleasant disease. The acids coming from the esophagus slowly corrode the enamel from the back of the teeth. The front side is affected by coffee and sweet drinks.
If you find yourself with such a problem, you need to see a doctor. If left untreated, acid reflux will not only lead to tooth decay, but also increase the risk of developing esophageal cancer several times over.
Weight loss
If in a short period of time you have lost five kilograms in weight without exercising or dieting, then you should definitely see a doctor. This is one of the signs of developing cancer of the esophagus, pancreas or lungs. Unfortunately, a person often ignores the issue of weight loss, attributing it to external factors.
Your lips are often chapped, especially at the corners of your mouth
Often chapped lips can indicate that your body is severely deficient in B vitamins, especially B12, which in turn puts you at risk of developing anemia.
Health Threats
You are constantly worried
You might think that anxiety is only in our heads, and it really is. Anxiety begins its destructive work as a feeling in your mind that gradually shifts to the physiology of your body, making you prone to heart disease.
However, often an anxiety state says, on the contrary, it is not a provocateur of the development of diseases, but their consequence. For example, imbalance of sex hormones, adrenal tumor, hyperthyroidism, etc.
Don't understand what's causing concern? Turn to yourself, ask your inner voice what makes you constantly worry. It will not be superfluous to donate blood not to check the state of the hormonal system. Often anxiety comes from a lack of alignment with your inner self.
you snore
Snoring is in too many cases the only early sign of sleep apnea, a disorder characterized by obstruction respiratory tract, which easily increases the risk of pulmonary hypertension and subsequent heart failure.
Your urine is dark yellow
Hydration is essential for everyone to stay healthy, and when you have enough fluid in your body, your urine is almost completely clear.
Always remember that alcoholic drinks and drinks containing caffeine greatly dehydrate our body without moisturizing it in the slightest, and carbonated sweet water is laced with chemicals, so let plain or coconut water, green or herbal tea, green juice be in your life. .
Threats to human health
You constantly feel tired
Of course, your fatigue can be related to staying up late at night with gadgets, getting up early for training, taking care of small children. You may also be tired due to malfunctioning thyroid or adrenal glands, your body may be depleted because it has spent all its resources trying to protect you from the toxic load that you give your immune system from processed foods, cigarettes, alcohol.
You may also feel broken because your stress system is not working properly, and all your self-regulatory mechanisms are working to protect you from infections, cancer, and a host of other serious diseases.
Sometimes chronic fatigue is the only symptom that your nervous system is stuck in chronic, relentless stress. In this case, fatigue is a whisper that you hear from your body screaming from problems. Therefore, fatigue cannot be overlooked. Pay attention to it, and you can save your life.
Your figure is an apple
Overweight people are divided into two categories: the figure - an apple, in which excess weight accumulates in the waist and abdomen, and the figure - pear, in which excess weight accumulates in the lower body. Being overweight is in itself a sign that a person has health problems, but apple-shaped people have a higher risk of developing heart disease.
Your height is decreasing
Very strange. Two years ago your height was 170 cm, today you are 169 cm. Why have you become shorter? Most likely, as a result of osteoporosis, your bones began to degenerate. However, aging should not be accompanied by bone loss.
Having healthy bones all your life is a reality, so if you get shorter, your skeletal system is telling you that if you don't take steps to improve bone health, you'll be in big trouble in the future.
PTSD that accompanies the death of a loved one is called acute grief reaction. This condition is a clinical nosology, it has its own staging, pathogenesis and methods of therapy.
Types of Grief Experience
The loss of a loved one is always unexpected and scary. It does not matter whether the person was ill or his death came suddenly. People who are faced with loss in one way or another are faced with a situation of grief. Everyone experiences grief in different ways, some become isolated and become asocial, while others, on the contrary, strive to go into activities as much as possible so as not to face pain.
It is difficult to define the concept of "normal grief experience", it is a very individual process. However, there is a line after which the post-traumatic stress state becomes a clinical pathology and requires mandatory medical and psychological support.
Psychiatrists and psychologists distinguish two types of post-traumatic state of patients who survived the death of loved ones:
1. Normal acute grief reaction.
2. Pathological reaction of acute grief.
In order to talk about the line between them, it is necessary to understand the clinical course and features of each stage.
Experiencing Natural Grief
The reaction of depression and deep grief associated with the death of a close relative is a normal reaction, it takes place and often, with the free flow with the support of loved ones, a person returns to social life without the help of specialists. There are so-called stages of grief. These are periods characterized by the experience of certain emotions and corresponding behavior. The stages can have different durations and do not always go in order, but they always have a place to be.
I stage of denial- this is the period that comes when news of the death of a loved one arrives. This stage is sometimes called the shock stage. It is characterized by such signs:
- disbelief;
- anger at the "messenger";
- an attempt or desire to change the situation;
- challenging the fact of the tragedy;
- illogical behavior in relation to the deceased (set the table for him, go to the apartment, buy gifts and call);
- talking about a person goes as if he is still alive.
II Stage of Anger- when the awareness of the tragedy reaches close understanding, he begins to be angry at others, at himself, at the whole world for not preventing the loss. This stage is characterized by:
- search for the culprit;
- antisocial behavior;
- isolation from loved ones;
- an angry reaction to the neutral or positive states of others.
III Stage of bargaining and compromises- this is the stage when a person begins to think that perhaps there are forces in the world that can “cancel” the death of a close relative, mainly religious rituals and prayers are included here. The grieving seeks compromises with God, tries to "bargain" with him for the opportunity to return a loved one. This stage is usually accompanied by such feelings and actions:
- hope for the return of a loved one;
- seeking religious support;
- turning to religious or occult societies to find an answer to a question;
- frequent visits to churches (or other religious centers);
- bargaining with death (I'll change if he comes back to life).
IV Depression- when anger and attempts to change the tragic situation pass, when the burden of loss comes to the consciousness of the grieving, the stage of depression begins. This is a long and very difficult period. The period is indicated by such feelings:
- feelings of guilt over the death of a loved one;
- obsessive thoughts and states;
- existential questions (why do people die young?, what is the point of living now?);
- insomnia or hypersomnia (increased sleep duration);
- lack of appetite or vice versa, pathological "jamming" of grief (anorexic or bulimic experience);
- social isolation;
- loss of desire and ability to care for oneself and others;
- abulia (volitional impotence);
- a sense of the meaninglessness of life after the death of a loved one;
- fear of loneliness when it is impossible to be in society.
V Acceptance This is the final stage of coming to terms with loss. A person is still in pain, he is fully aware of the significance of the loss, but he is already able to solve everyday problems and get out of isolation, the emotional spectrum expands and activity grows. A person can be sad, afraid, remember the deceased with pain, but he can already be socially active. These are normal symptoms of grief. The stage of depression can last a very long time, but the condition gradually improves. This is the main criterion for the "normality" of mourning. Even just knowing all these steps, you can understand how to survive the death of loved ones safely and completely.
Pathological grief reactions
The main criterion for pathological mourning is the duration, intensity and progression of the stage of depression. Depending on the response to a sad event, they distinguish 4 types of pathological grief reactions:
- Delayed mourning - this happens when the reaction to the loss of a loved one is expressed very weakly compared to the reaction to everyday petty situations.
- Chronic (prolonged) grief is a condition where symptoms do not improve or increase over time and the depression lasts for years. A person loses himself and the ability to take care of himself. Clinical depression sets in.
- Exaggerated grief reactions are pathological conditions even for mourning. For example, instead of fear or anxiety, a person develops a phobia or panic attacks, instead of anger, attacks of rage appear and attempts to inflict physical harm on oneself or others.
- Disguised grief - a person suffers and grieves, but denies involvement in this sad situation. Often this manifests itself in the form of acute psychosomatics (exacerbation or manifestation of diseases).
Help for the grieving
It is very important to understand that any emotional states for a grieving person are indeed variants of the norm. It can be incredibly hard to endure and stay close to the difficult emotional experiences of a person who has lost a loved one. But rehabilitation after the death of a loved one implies support and participation, and not ignoring or devaluing the significance of the loss.
What to do to relatives to help the grieving cope and not harm
It all depends on the stage of experiencing the loss. At the stage of denial, it is very important to respect the right of the mourner to a shock reaction and disbelief. No need to convince him, no need to prove death. A person will come to understanding, but at this moment his psyche is protected from trauma. Otherwise, the reaction will go from normal to pathological, since the psyche cannot cope with the volume of loss in a short time. You need to be there and allow you to experience distrust, denial and shock. It is not worth supporting the illusion, and it is not worth denying it either. The anger stage is a normal process. A person has something to be angry about and it is necessary to allow this anger to be. Yes, it is difficult and unpleasant to be the object of aggression. But help after the death of a loved one should consist in accepting any of his normal emotional states. Let it be better accusations, screams and broken dishes than attempts to harm yourself. The stage of bargaining also seems "strange" to the relatives of the grieving, but one must allow the person to bargain and find comfort in faith. If his activity in this direction does not entail leaving for a sect, dangerous rituals or suicide, it is worth allowing a person to be a believer and bargain with God. Depression is a period when loved ones should be especially attentive. This stage is the longest and most difficult.
In no case should you stop tears, devalue the loss (everything will be fine, don't cry, everything is fine). It is important to talk about the loss, talk about its severity and pain, empathize and, in fact, work as an emotional mirror. If loved ones are not able to be around in this way, it is worth contacting a psychologist and allowing a person to safely experience grief. At the stage of acceptance, it is very important to support any new undertakings, plans and positive motives. Both the memory of the deceased and the emphasis on positive experiences are important. If the experience of grief becomes pathological, you should immediately contact a psychotherapist, and if necessary, a psychiatrist.
In terms of intensity of passions, it is second only to divorce or the death of a loved one. Especially when it comes to layoffs.
Experts advise: try to leave with dignity, without insulting others and without destroying yourself. Your future life depends on how you behave during this difficult time.
Will in a fist!
There is a huge temptation to finally tell the authorities everything that you think about him. Or do something nasty: hide the necessary data, take with you the phone numbers of important customers, for some time paralyzing the work of the once native company.
Do not do that! First, the professional circle is very narrow, and when your new boss calls the former, it is unlikely that he will find at least a couple of kind words addressed to you. Secondly, if you want your boss to really regret your dismissal, you need to act in exactly the opposite way.
Gather your will into a fist and on the last day say goodbye to him warmly, saying the most good words. Maybe he will not call you back (which, by the way, is not excluded), but he will certainly give an excellent reference. It doesn't matter what kind of relationship you've had up to this minute. As you know, the first and last words are most remembered.
Risk group
Losing a job often undermines a person's self-esteem. He has a feeling of resentment and a feeling of loss of control over life: “Why did they fire me?”, “Am I the worst employee?”, “I don’t decide anything in this life.” If you have such thoughts, you need to say to yourself: “Stop! Life is not only work. In such a difficult situation, it is much more constructive to ask another question - why did fate throw you such a test, what lessons can be learned from this?
Practice shows that most often people who have two opposite psychological attitudes lose their jobs. First of all, these are those who, imperceptibly for themselves, began to live by inertia, for whom work has not brought either moral or material satisfaction for a long time. But the poor fellow does not have the courage to put the application on the table himself. And every morning he goes to work, like hard labor. So fate throws him an unexpected solution to the problem - in the form of staff reductions or rotations leading to dismissal.
Oddly enough, people with a different attitude are at risk of losing their jobs - workaholics who identify their life with work, putting it in first place in the scale of life values. Often fate punishes for such one-sidedness. In addition, a too zealous employee often irritates the authorities: what if he turns out to be more professional than his management?
Vicious circle
Having lost a job, a person gets at his disposal a huge amount of free time. Perhaps at first it even pleases: finally, you will be able to relax! But to relax for real, as a rule, does not work. And an unemployed person begins to experience the emptiness that has suddenly formed in his life. According to the observations of psychologists, such a situation is a breeding ground for the emergence of neurosis.
There is a peculiar vicious circle: due to the fact that there is no work, you experience depression, and this, in turn, does not make it possible to find a job. If this condition lasts long enough, it can come not only to depression, but also to severe physical ailments. Psychiatrists often observe such an effect of “psychophysical wear and tear” not only among those who have lost their jobs, but also among those who have retired: a person who works intensively suddenly begins to age rapidly, all sorts of sores begin to stick to him.
In order not to bring yourself to this, experts advise: the search for a new place should begin on the same day that you were informed of the dismissal. The more time passes after losing a job, the more difficult it will be to find it. Treat the dismissal as a test of strength, like an exam, passing which you will come to success.
The more action, the stronger the return.
And in order not to destroy yourself during the time “from work to work”, but at the same time relationships with friends and relatives, try to develop a clear strategy:
● Keep the old rhythm and routine of life. Get up, have breakfast, lunch and dinner at the same time as before. If you are a man, be sure to shave every morning. If you are a woman, comb your hair and wear light makeup.
● Do something daily to find a job: surf the web, send out resumes, read job magazines, go to job interviews. A pattern has been noticed: if today you called not five, but ten companies, then tomorrow you will receive calls twice as many as in previous days.
● Use your free time to take care of your health. Do not watch TV until late, get enough sleep, do not drink coffee and strong tea, be sure to go outside every day. Visit a dentist, other doctors, take a course of treatment, if necessary. Do all the boring but necessary household chores that you never got around to doing before.
Don't shut yourself up
Unfortunately, often during a period of forced inactivity, a person’s relationships with loved ones deteriorate. At first, they sympathize with him, but as he closes, goes into depression, it begins to annoy others.
● Try not to switch off from family life: take on some duties that were previously performed by others, share your thoughts, discuss household problems.
● If friends invite you to visit, do not refuse, referring to a bad mood. Maybe just there you will meet someone who will help you find a job. Despite the progress in the field of employment (the Internet, recruiting agencies), they prefer to hire us, as before, “by acquaintance”.
● Do not neglect the offer of temporary work, continuing to look for a permanent one. If you perform well, it can become permanent.
● No one is immune from dramatic twists of fate. Even geniuses. The example of one of the players of the Madrid football club "Real" is widely known. A ridiculous car accident confined him to a wheelchair for a whole year. In the end, he managed to get on his feet, but had to say goodbye to a brilliant football career. “What to do? After all, apart from football, I can’t do anything!” - the former footballer was tormented. Friends advised him to try his hand at ... the singing genre. And they didn't fail. So the brilliant Julio Iglesias appeared to the world.
● No less significant is the story of another famous person. Before becoming famous in the literary field, he was ... an accountant. Everything changed when an unknown Mr. Porter was accused of embezzlement and landed in jail. From melancholy and hopelessness, he began to write stories. He came out of prison as a popular novelist, known under the pseudonym O "Henry.
7 surefire ways to lose your job
1. Have no plans.
2. Do not maintain at the proper level and do not update your skills and abilities.
3. Provide no results.
5. Surround yourself with sycophants.
6. Forget to give credit to others.
By the way
Layoff stress is more pronounced in men. Women are more resistant to the blows of fate and respond flexibly to a stressful situation. The loss of a job is very painful for people of retirement age, as well as those who step over “dangerous” age limits: the so-called age of first growing up (33-35 / 35-37 years) and mature age - 46-48 / 52-54.
The level of stress experienced also depends on the psychological type to which the person belongs. Temperamental, sociable people, although they perceive the news of dismissal hard, overcome a stressful situation relatively quickly. As a rule, two weeks are enough for them to get rid of stress. Another thing - people are phlegmatic, closed. Stress develops in them on the rise and stretches for a long period.
