IMHO, you are confusing two things: having your own opinion (the quality is definitely positive) and the inability to behave (the quality is just as definitely negative).
The ability to lead oneself involves understanding at what point it is appropriate own opinion express. And in what form. The format of communication in the lesson is set by the teacher. He sets aside time when it is appropriate to argue and ask questions. And the rest of the time, he can ask the student to be silent (until the end of the explanation or until the end of the answer of another student, for example). Does your son understand exactly the difference between communicating with you at home, when there are two interlocutors and communication does not pursue a specific goal, and a lesson in the classroom?
You absolutely unequivocally admire your son (and yourself), and you absolutely do not want to aalize the situation.
Inadequate adults meet. But there are not many of them. When everyone starts yelling at someone, the reason is usually not in "everyone", but in him all the same.
Why is the dietitian grabbing him by the hand? Does she walk around the school and grab everyone by the hand? Or was your son an exception? Why?
Why is the cleaner yelling at him? Does she care what kind of shoes he swaps out for? Or are you cunning, and the child still creates a situation dangerous for him and those around him? Or does everyone interfere by sitting in the middle of the stairs? By the way, at our school it is strictly forbidden to appear even on the bottom step of the stairs in roller skates and in sneakers on wheels. Because the combination of "school stairs and roller skates" is fraught with concussions of the brain. Either from the one who arrived on roller skates, or from the one whom he will push by slipping. And school staff will be to blame. Behavior presupposes an understanding of such things. :) 11/22/2010 10:56:16 PM, irina!
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I read you and more and more embraces the feeling of spreading cranberries. I don’t know how it is in America, but here in Moscow, what you have indicated does not always depend on the child. Let's say my son studied at school for 2 years with one director and everything was on track (and relations with everyone are normal, with students and teachers, and there are no complaints about studying). The principal was replaced (according to the petition of the teaching staff, by the way), he kicked out 20 teachers (in order to put an end to both petitions and the presence of a diversity of opinions, election). And everything changed at once. Although the children are the same, teachers, for the most part - too. But this "fly in the ointment" in the person of newly recruited teachers or promoted from a secretary (more precisely, a secretary with all the minuses that are attributed to such) without a VO to a classroom, turned out to be a fly in the ointment that transformed the school. And the claims came out of nowhere. Not only on mine - on different children who dared to have a personal point of view, whenever it was expressed (especially sophisticated just on those who expressed it in a correct form and in a reasonable after hours when there is nothing formally to blame).
The son is proud that the administration could not accept the new school rules until their parallel was released. And at the same time they made claims to me that my son was participating in the release school newspaper(what bad children, they themselves undertook to publish a newspaper, published a draft of new school rules, organized a discussion at school - well, uniform hooligans, from the point of view of classroom knowledge).
23.11.2010 08:51:30, Horse
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In America, as I already wrote, in schools, children are treated in a fundamentally different way. But here is absolutely nothing to do with it. Since the inadequacy of some of the school workers, in my response to the author, I made a name, taking into account Russian realities :).
The point is that you and I have a different approach to raising children. And different attitudes towards school. I would behave differently in Russia as you do. And, believe me, for my children and in Russia, several teachers at once would not try to put twos. They would have had marks here that would suit them quite well (and even more so for me). :) Firstly, because I thought that we should learn to behave and independently resolve situations at school. Secondly, because I have something to do besides demonstrating my knowledge of biology to a school biologist :)
Thirdly, I myself was taught from childhood to the fact that the STATE school is a public school. And don't expect from her what she can't give.
1. Level of knowledge school teacher far from the level of knowledge of the professor. I do biology better than the average high school biology student.... but I don't run to work at school. I do 100 times more interesting things for a significantly higher salary. Therefore, when children show me something from the school curriculum, I try to explain the material from the position of THEIR school teacher, and not yell that the teacher is a fool (usually it works out fine).
2. The teacher has a certain level of freedom in his workplace. He may choose some material or teaching method that I don't like. His right. And I will not climb to explain to him how to do it. Exactly the same as I will not tolerate if someone starts explaining to me how to do my job.
3. Again, the teacher has a certain level of freedom. And no more. He has a program and a lesson plan. And he definitely cuts some corners. And again, not always due to their own intellectual wretchedness. And this should be treated with understanding.
It is difficult for me to understand that during your son's studies it was impossible to agree on the release of a school newspaper. You just need to be able to negotiate :) 11/23/2010 11:32:25 PM, irina!
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I'll start with inadequate. BEFORE the change of director, everything was on track, with the NEW it started. The school is the same, the child is the same, the upbringing has not changed ... It is simply IMPOSSIBLE to appoint some people to places that they do not pull, plugging the holes of 20 dismissed. There were cases just as egregious, but not concerning my son. Not for my children, the teacher regularly ran around the classroom during the lesson. I wasn’t even at school, when three of them became ill from vaccinations in parallel with their son, they called their parents, and the parents called an ambulance (I don’t remember, in the 10th or 11th grade). I was not the one who quarreled with the school administration in vain to remove the weighty icicle above the entrance ... The list can be continued, but I think it is not necessary.
Already in 1828 satirical lines were written:
“My father bequeathed to me:
First, to please all people from the withdrawal -
The owner, where he happens to live,
The boss with whom I will serve,
To his servant who cleans dresses,
Doorman, janitor, to avoid evil,
The janitor's dog, so that it was affectionate.
Really, almost 2 centuries later, you are calling to act in a similar way?
Yes, it is possible to agree in THIS WAY, but WHY raise a child like this?
If closer to my posts, then I did not “demonstrate” my knowledge of biology, but only mentioned what kind of education I have and where I work, asking me to attend the test. If THIS helped even with my absence, then the person understands very well that "the stigma is in the cannon." Unlike you, I offered the school to conduct biology lessons even for FREE, either in my son's class or in the whole parallel, but they did not want to. By the way, I'm not the only parent who was willing to work at school for an idea. English, for example, was taught by several parents while their children were studying at this school (obviously people could find a better paying job, but they “closed the embrasure with their chests”). IMHO, no one requires school teacher professorial knowledge. But there is a certain minimum, the lowest limit, of both professional knowledge and mental balance (for example, at the sound of a pen falling to the floor, do not start and start screaming loudly that you have lost your thoughts). When a mathematician confuses the formulas included in the school curriculum, he does not even have to work at school. For a biologist, there is also a certain minimum set out in a school textbook; if you don’t know, read it at home a couple of times and don’t lie about what you don’t know, that’s all. Why tell stories, the inadequacy of which is visible even to students? This is not the teacher's freedom, but elementary unprofessionalism. And when a school uses the resource of a subject teacher to get rid of objectionable students (not just mine), this is already professional meanness, which needs to be beaten, and not begged and bowed. That is why I raised the question of being present at the test - I was 100% sure of the child's knowledge, as well as that the boycott announced by the parallel class to the biologist was being played out on him. By the way, this teacher was “asked” to leave at the end of the year, not because of the quality of teaching and not because of relations with students, but because of violations of school subordination (but when children start a boycott for treating themselves, this is not the school administration convinces of the need to understand the essence, and the first step in relation to oneself - immediately).
Returning to unprofessionalism, when I was studying at school, a chemist did not understand why molar concentrations were needed, what the strength of acids was, she hardly understood and could not really explain what dissociation is, etc. And everyone at school knew that she was no teacher, they didn’t give her senior classes, there was another chemistry teacher at school, normal ... But in my year of study, the ignoramus went to the director, “hit the party card on the table”, they say, how is it for her A party member is not given ninth grade – she will complain along party lines. Remember the anecdote about the stripper, a party member since 1905? “It literally happened to us. After that, I left in the middle of the year. But before leaving, she defended the class, especially girls: if the student answered correctly, and the teacher found fault with ignorance, I got up and asked a question on the topic, just regarding the differences in their positions. As you might guess, the teacher also dreamed of "burying" me. And, in your opinion, it was necessary to sit and watch how a girl who trains for several hours every day and aims to enter Lesgaft, while doing well at school, is unjustly muzzled at the blackboard? And then there will be problems with couples in chemistry, the details of which are not her future profession?
But I (unlike you) considered and consider it my duty to fight the inadequate, and not act according to the above quote. Two teachers (not only biology) were removed from the class after my conversations with the school administration, and another one by a joint letter from the parents (where I was not the initiator). And I am not pejorative of the concept of "STATE school" (IMHO, the school SHOULD be state).
Newspaper... Did you read that "the administration could not accept the new school rules until their parallel was published"? In my last school there was school self-government according to Makarenko with a daily duty commander from schoolchildren, with meetings of students to discuss what was happening at school. The times were Soviet, and, as you might guess, the school was soon implicitly disbanded (why you don’t know about it). Here, the students themselves took steps towards this.
> “I do 100 times more interesting things for a significantly higher salary. Therefore, when children show me something from the school curriculum, I try to explain the material from the position of THEIR school teacher, and not yell that the teacher is a fool (usually it works out fine) ”
It's a pity there are no emoticons here, I saw one - lying around with laughter. This conference is the same discussion school problems, why are you here, and not where you are doing “100 times more interesting things”? Oh, yes, why am I violating the principle: “Exactly the same as I will not tolerate if someone starts explaining to me how to do my job” - (of course, also directors on the side, all “themselves with a mustache ...” It's not like everyone at school is bowing.)
As for “explaining the material from the position of THEIR school teacher” ... When this position is invariant, when this is actually one of the reasonable approaches (for example, you can solve the problem using arithmetic methods, or you can use “x, y”), then I, of course, explained the approach of the teacher. But when it comes to outright mistakes, the correctness of knowledge in my son's head is more valuable to me than the image of a teacher. Didn't you write: “Another question is that in some laboratories they will simply not publish anything "supporting someone's reputation". And they will not defend a mediocre graduate student. This is a question of the scientific reputation of the professor.” The situation is somewhat different, but you, too, in certain cases, are not embarrassed by the fate of a mediocre person. 24.11.2010 11:17:36,
If the school is seriously pushing something against your child, don't double down on the blow. Even if you agree with the accusations, never speak out against your child in public. Yes, and just agreeing (“Yes, yes, he is such a lazy person, we moan ourselves”) is a bad idea, although our parents used it.
The child should know that in conflicts you are on his side. Because he is your child and you must protect him. Yes, you also have to educate, but when everyone is against one, it looks more like bullying than education.
3. Make sure you don't see evil intrigues where they don't exist.
Yes, sometimes the teacher is unfair. But behind the injustice, there is not necessarily a hidden dislike for your child.
Admit it, you, too, do not always understand which of the children staged a pogrom in the apartment during the couple of Saturday hours that you slept, and in a temper you shout at the wrong one or at all at once. Even for a cat.
Fragment of a painting by Julius Hertz
In general, if the teacher kicked your child out of class for chatting with a neighbor, this does not mean that yours is now forever an outcast, and the neighbor is a pet.
4. Talk to the teacher face to face
The conversation with the teacher is the most important point. At this stage, in no case should you connect anyone at all - neither other parents, nor the director. Remember everything you read about important negotiations: listen carefully, don't interrupt, don't fiddle with a button, and all that.
Both you and the teacher need this conversation to hear each other. Very often, by the way, after a conversation, the problem resolves. When, instead of an evil teacher who hates all the children in the world (and yours in general), you see in front of you a caring woman who stays late after work to talk - tadam - about your child, you don’t want a scandal so much.
5. Don't argue with your teacher over small things.
It happens that the cause of the conflict is not at all something for which one must fight to the death. If for you the controversial issue is quite a passing one, but for the teacher, on the contrary, it is very important - go towards the teacher.
Fragment of a painting by Jan Steen
Bring the child on time (yes, stop waking up five minutes before leaving), watch regularly electronic diary(to finally find a password!), to wrap textbooks in a cover (stop postponing a trip to the store, it's already November) - all this can be done with little bloodshed. And everyone will be happy.
6. Don’t Argue About Important Issues
It happens that you and the teacher do not agree on a fundamental issue. Everyone knows that there are only two truly fundamental issues on which compromises are impossible: is it possible to breastfeed in public places and do or not do homework with a child.
So, let's say the teacher requires you to sit at the lessons, and you think that this is not necessary and even harmful. To argue here is only to spoil each other's nerves. Better not even start. Agree, nod, promise, and at home do as you see fit. The child is yours, not a school child.
7. If the teacher did not go well, go to the director
If the conversation with the teacher did not lead you to mutual understanding or compromise, and you see that you have reached a dead end, it's time to go to the director. Sometimes the director can influence the position of the teacher or you can agree with him to transfer the child to a parallel class. In general, as a rule, something can be done.
Fragment of a painting by Ralph Hadley
Here, if you are a principled fighter, you can express all your claims to the teacher, school and education in general. By the way, it's not as useless as it seems. It is the parents who, by law, are the “customers of education”. So if you have something to say, say it. Most likely, you will be listened to carefully. If not, go to the next paragraph.
8. Well, if that didn’t work, then still change schools (or homeschooling)
If nothing helps, the administration does not make contact, the conflict is not resolved, and you see that all this has a bad effect on the child, change the school. It's not as difficult as it seems. Because the school is for a long time (11 years in fact) and the child should go there, if not with pleasure, then definitely not every day as if on execution.
In the end, you can switch to any other form of education that is available and suitable for you - family, for example. And then you will be in the place of the teacher.
(from the Internet)
What a joy it is to be an adult! I suddenly realized this when I first visited the parent-teacher meeting.
Hello dear parents! Thank you very much for taking the time to visit our Parent meeting, broke away from important matters to pay attention to us! Thank you for taking care of your children...
I listened to the head teacher's speech and remembered how I was a student at the same school. When you sit at a school desk, the contrast is especially felt! It seems that yesterday we were met differently. - Sat down! Mouths closed!
My classmate complained to the head teacher: - The teacher calls us cattle and other animals! In response to this, the head teacher said: - And you are the cattle!
Why have there been such significant changes? Why have we suddenly become so respected? I don't think we've changed much over the years. I listen to myself: the same feelings, the same soul, the same self-esteem, as at twelve years old. I sit at my desk, and it seems to me that I never left school. So why do teachers respect us? Is it just for age? Or maybe because we can hit back for the "cattle"?
I'm fine, I'll sit at the meeting now and go to the adult world, where I have freedom of choice and self-confidence. And they communicate there in a different way: “be kind”, “sorry for the trouble” ... And my daughter Vika still has this difficult period when adults strive to humiliate you, subdue you and show cruelty. And although it is far from the Middle Ages, child abuse is still practiced or, so to speak, not forbidden. Well, I am determined to fight for the happiness of my child!
Choosing a school is like buying a pig in a poke! No matter how friends recommend the teacher, you still never know what surprises await you. For example, we have a good program, and a pretty teacher, and I have known her since childhood. But I did not expect this from her! She screams at the children so that the glass in the windows rattles! When I first heard this scream, I was afraid that something out of the ordinary had happened in the classroom.
How do children react to screams? It turned out that my Vika is still in a good position, because she is an excellent student. And Seryozha, to whom study is given poorly, lost the power of speech. He does nothing in class, and the teacher screams more and more. I also spoke with Galya's mother. It turned out that Galya really likes school, and Natalya Viktorovna's screams do not bother her at all.
I myself yell at Galya all the time! – confessed the mother of the girl.
But is it right to make screaming the norm? I'm not going to yell at kids just to make school feel like home!
Considering this topic, it is appropriate to recall the problems of childhood, which are hidden in adults in the unconscious and poison their lives for many years. People go to psychologists and ask: "Why can't I start a family?" "Why don't I have money?" "Why am I tormented by fears?" And psychologists ask them the question: “When did you first experience fear?” And this is not accidental, because all subsequent cases depend on the first time. People come to psychologists to get rid of complexes, the very complexes that we are laying in children now with our own hands! This fateful “first time” with our children is happening at the present time, and their future fate depends on what it will be, positive or negative.
Our teacher is special. Unlike most teachers, she yells not only at the students, but also at the parents. When you reproach her for screaming, she nervously replies: - There is nothing to go here! I am the mistress here, I want and I scream!
Fortunately, my Vika is a good student, but the teacher answered a question for Seryozha's mother: - Mom, you are as stupid as your child!
The question before us was what to do? Transfer? Where? Another school - the same pig in a poke! What is waiting for us there? Here we got into a very good class, where the children are cute and smart. Such is the law of meanness: good children - the teacher is bad, the teacher is good - the children are bad. In the neighboring school, the teacher is intelligent, kind, and the class is like a selection, hooligans. In addition, our school is very conveniently located - a five-minute walk. We do not have to cross the road, and this is also important: safety is above all! In addition, Vika made friends in the class and even her first love. So I don't want to change schools. I discussed this problem with a familiar literature teacher. She said:
Of course, a screaming teacher is unpleasant, but it will give a wonderful life experience. After all, we are preparing children for life in the real world, not in a fairy tale!
I answered: - I agree, but tell me specifically: what to do? If my daughter and I find ourselves helpless in this situation, it will be very harmful for education.
This is how I learned how to talk to the headmaster, what headmasters are afraid of, and how complaints to higher authorities are made. But I did not use it, because I always have time. I decided to influence the teacher. "Make contact" in this case it is difficult to say, because she did not contact. I realized that with this teacher you can’t use standard phrases: “I would like to ask you ...” She will be rude and run away.
I had to speak with her in a commanding tone. I determined exactly what we needed from her, and briefly and clearly told her about it: “Please don’t yell at Vika!” I repeated this several times. “I have no complaints against you except for one: don’t shout!” The teacher, of course, said “do not teach me how to live”, but then she thought and took into account my wish.
Vika and I had to behave as correctly as possible, so that if the director was involved as a judge, there would be nothing to accuse me and my daughter of. I just confidently stated my position: “Screaming is an insult in any case, and it doesn’t matter if the child studies well or badly!” I also taught my daughter one neutral phrase: “Don’t yell at me!” It's not an excuse, it's not an attack, it's just a statement.
However, while I was preparing for this large-scale war, Vika found an easier way out. She began to relate to the screams of the teacher with humor. The teacher screams, and Vika smiles.
The teacher is indignant: - I'm not saying anything funny!
Vika is funny. Here it is, the life experience gained at school! But suddenly a miracle happened (another surprise)! The teacher changed, stopped screaming, even asked for forgiveness from Vika. Apparently, it turned out to be unprofitable for her to fight with us. Vika is still offended, but I admired the teacher's deed: it's very difficult to admit one's guilt!
I urge Vika not to be vindictive, to treat the teacher well. And I am glad that we managed to competently get out of this conflict: without involving the director, without scandal, without insults (at least from our side). I did not go too far in arguing with the teacher, did not succumb to unbridled indignation and at the same time did not get scared, I defended my position. It's nice when the conscience is clear both before the child and before the teacher.
- < Права ребенка. Часть 2. Продолжение темы по правам детей и подростков
- Rules for a healthy lifestyle, in pictures >
About the tradition, the envelope with his name will be opened by the head of the Ministry of Education and Science Andrei Fursenko and the chairman of the Grand Jury of the competition, the rector of Moscow State University. Lomonosov Viktor Sadovnichy. And the award - a crystal Great Pelican, a symbol of sacrifice and love for children, the Teacher of the Year will receive from the hands of the President of the country Dmitry Medvedev.
Of the 75 teachers who came to the final of the competition, five remained. A leader will be chosen from among them. Yesterday they - a historian from Moscow Anton Molev, a biologist from the Lipetsk region Alexei Ovchinnikov, a physical education teacher Alexei Osipov from the city of Togliatti, a physics teacher from Grozny Khedi Solsanova and a historian Tatyana Usova from Saratov - sat down at " round table" with Minister Fursenko to discuss educational standards and the Unified State Examination, the most controversial topics of education today. The increase in physical education hours, as the most interested in this, commented Alexei Osipov:
I consider it reasonable to add a third hour of physical education. Knowledge of subjects can be forgotten, but the ability to monitor health will always come in handy. Physical education and life safety are one of the most necessary subjects in life, if, of course, the lessons are of high quality.
And what about subject students, for many of whom the new standards "cut down" the basic hours? For Aleksey Ovchinnikov, this turned out to be a kind of incentive to work more intensively: “In principle, the content of the programs in the new standards has not changed much. This has become an occasion to think about how I can give the same amount of knowledge to students in fewer hours and maintain the quality of the lesson.”
We teach children to learn at school, we give them the opportunity to learn something new, - Andrey Fursenko joined the conversation. - Don't be afraid of change, it's a unique opportunity to do something new. Of course, those hours that are given for subjects are not enough to learn everything. At school, they only instill, so to speak, a taste for this or that activity.
Anton Molev did not agree with the minister. IN high school, in his opinion, it is just what needs to be "deepened" and increase the hours. This is still a stepping stone to a university, here the student must already think through future profession, the Moscow historian is sure.
The ten most popular professions in America today were unknown to anyone five years ago, the minister retorted. - Life is changing so fast that we must be prepared not for a narrow profession, but for the fact that everything can change dramatically every day.
When asked what should motivate teachers to study new educational standards and work according to them, the answer from teachers was as follows: “Pay should be increased,” said Khedi Solsanova. “We still give such a large part of our lives to school , and children, and now also learning new standards I wish it would be appreciated.
06.06.2018 02:00
A lecture by the famous psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky, where he told parents how to choose a school, whether it is necessary to argue with the teacher, and at what point one should simply leave the child behind.
There is no need to load the children with anything before school. No chess foreign languages and other intellectual development. Until 6-7 years old, the child's brain is not physiologically ready to perceive large amounts of information. You will lose money, and he will lose his childhood.
Do not look for a cool school for a first grader. IN primary school the most important thing for a child psychological comfort. Therefore, choose a normal school near your home. The child will not waste time and energy on the road, and it will be easier for him to build relationships with classmates if they live in the neighborhood.
The first teacher should not be "strong", but kind. You just need an adequate woman who loves children and works at a school by vocation. To do this, approach the chosen school in the spring and ask your parents about the teachers who are graduating the 4th grade.
School is your child's responsibility, not yours. You can take a vacation for the first two weeks of first grade, and then it’s better to agree with your child like this: “Your school doesn’t touch me, I don’t touch you.”
Stop asking about lessons and responding to grades. Let the topic of school become a taboo for you. If the child wants, talk to him, if he doesn’t want, you don’t need to find out how it is and what.
“How not to let school break your child” - advice to parents from M. Labkovsky
You don’t need to do homework with your child, you don’t need to collect a portfolio, you don’t need to check the form. Think about yourself, because your child will then live and feed you in old age! And if you do everything for him, this will be a big problem.
Of course, you can help your child. Here the fundamental point is who started it first. The child must start. It is he who should ask: “Mom, I don’t understand here.” Instead of you coming up and asking if everything is fine. If he does not ask for anything, then everything is fine with him.
If the teacher does not like your child, the problem must be solved. Try to talk first with the teacher, then with the director, if it doesn’t work out, go to the RONO. You can transfer to another parallel or even to another school. In no case should you leave the child in a state of prolonged permanent stress.
Puberty is the most difficult period in your child's life. It starts at about 12-14 years old and lasts until 15-16 years old. This is a time of complex mental and physical changes, hence the hormonal imbalance, psychological problems, fatigue. Moreover, it is at this time that the child must pass the OGE, and then also the USE. Yes, he can start to study worse, slide into triples. My advice is that if you don't want conflict and hard problems, including suicidal attempts, just don't touch the child. Your task is to survive this time as quickly and calmly as possible so that this nightmare ends.
Do not openly conflict with the school - most likely, you will lose. When you are invited to a conversation and talk about a strong school, a complex program and the need to work with a child, do not argue. Agree. And keep doing it your way.
The child's talents do not have to be specially developed and realized if the child himself does not want it. Talent should give joy, it is not to be used. No need to strain, look for teachers and wait "what it will result in." Most often, it does not result in anything, and there is nothing tragic in this.
Most importantly, learn to accept your child without expecting anything from him. No matter how he learns and how he behaves, love him for who he is. Yes, at 15 it is more difficult than at five. The child should not cause rejection in you. But to do this, you must first love yourself.
