How to build relationships in a women's team, how to build relationships in a male team, how to build relationships in a mixed team. What a great way to communicate with a female leader.
PSYCHOLOGY OF TEAMWORK
Whatever our position, profession and experience, we usually work in a team. And those who work at home, one way or another communicate with the employer, largely depend on him, and sometimes on other colleagues, even if they do not know them personally. The role of these relationships is extremely important. They affect both career growth and the psychological comfort of the work process, and ultimately whether you will continue to work in this company, or you need to urgently look for a new place.
The team with which your profession or occasion has connected you can be anything - large or small, homogeneous in one way or another, or motley. But in any case, it consists of women and men. Sometimes this is a purely female or purely male team, each of which has unique features and it is oh so difficult to work in which. And mixed teams (which are still the majority) still consist of small teams of women and men. Once you figure out their features, it will be easier for you to model your own behavior.
From birth, boys differ from girls in many ways. Boys are more active, scream more often and more willingly explore the world around them.
What does a golden childhood have to do with career growth, you ask? The most direct. After all, children's games are a model of the same work. In the games of boys there is always a conflict and competitive beginning. They learn to fight with opponents and put up with them. And most importantly: boys usually play according to predetermined rules. They try to follow the letter of the rules, but they certainly argue fiercely about their essence with each other.
Girls most often play games without rules, such as mother-daughter games. The main thing here is not winning, but maintaining good relations. So conflicts rarely happen, and babies simply do not have the skills to get out of difficult situations. And in groups of girls, there is usually no rigid hierarchy inherent in most boyish groups.
When boys and girls are together, boys usually take over. The same thing happens in the service - women invariably end up on the sidelines.
Due to established traditions, a woman in society has long been brought up in the spirit of subordination and self-awareness as the weaker sex, from childhood assimilating a reference point for such values as hard work and obedience to the will of a man. A feature of the domestic mental can be considered passivity and avoidance of conflict. IN modern conditions women also tend to avoid direct confrontation and, unlike men, show more restraint and tact.
It must be recognized that the world of business is created and run by men. Men treat work with the same attitude with which they go to sports competitions. The game, sports, business are governed by unwritten rules, familiar to most men, but, unfortunately, almost not mastered by women. Therefore, if you want to make men listen to their opinions and consider you as an equal partner, you need to learn a few key points.
But first, consider the opposite situation, when at work you are surrounded by colleagues exclusively of the same sex as you.
Women's team. Problems and difficulties of working in a women's team
In women's reserves, against the background of friendly tea parties, endless conversations on "hot" topics that are far from production needs, poisonous shoots of gossip and intrigue usually grow. And if the situation in the women's team is favorable, real battles of characters and ambitions flare up. Therefore, if fate brought you to a purely Viennese company and you intend to succeed in your career and maintain peace of mind, the first thing to do is to look at the main figures that determine the course of the game.
Let's start with the head of the company, because the leading cadres, and especially the ladies-heads, decide everything.
tyrant. If an eccentric person with a hysterical character is at the head of the women's team, especially cruel games without rules are started there. She makes decisions about appointments, bonuses and other benefits, guided solely by her momentary mood. She is distinguished by an absurd disposition and insane vanity. She uses her power over defenseless employees and asserts herself by humiliating her subordinates. She loves compliments, always claims increased attention and does not tolerate anyone other than her being at the center of events. She likes to present platitudes as a kind of revelation and is terribly surprised if someone thinks otherwise. The main thing is to study its weak points and not touch them in any way. Try to compliment her new hairstyle, new shoes, and complexion. You can turn your plans into reality only by convincing her that she has conceived everything, and you are only voicing her brilliant ideas. In no case should you show her your displeasure. True, from time to time you can whimper and complain in order to get a pay rise. Thus, she will have an extra reason to assert herself and feel like a benefactor.
Commissioner. A zealous boss, as a rule, is a notorious feminist who knows her business and rules in the women's team with an iron fist. She does not tolerate outside interference, is categorical and very tough, especially with those who somehow deviate from her requirements. Fines, reprimands are her favorite ways to manage. A rare type of boss who almost does not attach importance to relationships. So waiting for her condescension about her absence from work due to the illness of a relative is an empty exercise. She is a real workaholic, day and night at work, which for her is the meaning of life. Try to pretend that work is everything for you. Demonstrate iron health, the absence of domestic and family problems, devotion to the company and faith in the strategic line pursued by the authorities. You can consult with her, but argue - in no case. Take the initiative, but do not impose anything on her. She values professionalism and, above all, encourages good specialists. Therefore, increase your competence, attend different courses and use any opportunity to demonstrate your skills. Then peace with the boss, a career and, by the way, patronage from her side are provided to you.
Dushka. The principle of her leadership is complete non-interference in the affairs of the company. She, perhaps, rightly believes that you cannot help the cause by vigorous activity, you can only spoil everything. Subordinates are wise, they themselves know everything. And if they don't know, they can be safely fired. It is under her that the struggle for power and income, the rivalry of "groups" for informal leadership, is actively unfolding. In business and relationships total chaos, because in the women's team there is no one to settle conflicts, control the observance of discipline - everything is decided by circumstances and rivals actively claiming power.
In no case should you press on such a boss, harassing her with requests. The responsibility rests entirely with you, and you decide. In principle, you can do nothing special at all, except to constantly portray violent activity. At least, psychological climate will not suffer from it. In the best case, you will quickly go for a promotion (if you are not too active), in the worst case, she will go for a promotion. The main thing is not to become a victim of intrigues weaving around in the women's team. Therefore, at any cost, refrain from participating in conspiracies and other actions inspired by especially active employees.
Secretary. Very important person. It largely determines how deeply the infection of intrigue can hit the team. If the secretary is a young self-confident girl who makes five spelling mistakes in one line and repeats on the phone: “You are being called ...”, it is not so difficult to navigate. She does not have enough education, convolutions, or ingenuity for exquisite cunning and intrigue. Communication with her requires a lot of patience and courage. Try not to show irritation even in response to frank nonsense, the streams of which from time to time fall upon you. Otherwise, she may be offended, and then you will have to deal with management, since this "funny girl" is most likely the daughter or granddaughter of one of the presidents of the company.
If the secretary is a bright representative of the tribe of Soviet-type cadre workers, a kind of evil fury who perfectly copes with her duties, then it is better to stay away from her altogether. As a rule, she considers it her duty to collect dirt on all employees. Suspicious and incredulous, she can see crime even in your facial expression, regardless of whether you are serious or smiling. You should treat her with perfect courtesy and call her by her first name and patronymic, while keeping a distance - three or four meters is better.
The most dangerous type of secretary is a sympathetic gossip who has a natural tendency to weave secret networks. She is affable, caring, always asking about family and personal issues and trying to establish a trusting tone. But be careful! Your frankness the next day may well turn into, if not a dismissal, then a fair deterioration in relations with colleagues. And all the details of your personal life- with some distortions, of course - will become the property of the entire women's team. Be friendly with her, but only talk about neutral topics. No information about yourself or anyone else.
Any company must have its "evil", "beeches" and "grunts". They can occupy a position from director to accountant and even to cleaning lady. There is no need to be afraid of them (after all, they only count on this), quarreling with them is harmful, at least for health, it is useless to convince such people. Be as neutral as possible with them, talk less, do more. It is better to repeat 20 times in a calm and friendly tone: “This needs to be signed” or “This needs to be done for further work” than to indulge in explanations and debates. And another weapon is modesty and shyness. As a rule, they have no arguments against this.
One of the main topics discussed in the women's team is appearance and clothing. It is extremely important to maintain the right tone here. Do not attract undue attention to yourself with emphatically expensive toilets and accessories. The office is not a place for fashion shows. But you shouldn't go to the other extreme either. Therefore, it is better to donate a worn suit, tights in hooks and jeans with stretched knees in favor of the poor.
A favorite plot and at the same time a reason for female envy are love vicissitudes. If everything is going well with you on this front, stories about happy moments in the arms of a partner can cause an unpredictable reaction from colleagues who are deprived of male attention. Therefore, you should not give colleagues the details of your dizzying romance with Superman or pictures of family happiness with a caring and devoted husband. Try to spare the feelings of those who are not as lucky in life as you are.
A very dangerous, but quite common topic in the women's team is “whose side are you on” and “against whom we are friends”. If they try to provoke or confuse you, to impose a role that you do not want to play, clarify the details and circumstances. Who is forewarned is forearmed. And most importantly - stay away from any intrigues.
The appearance of a man in a women's team is also dangerous - this can become a serious cause for contention. Although sometimes the presence of individual representatives of the stronger sex is only beneficial for ladies who are bored in their close and stuffy community. If, for example, a man is gallant and attentive, while keeping his distance and showing no preference to anyone, he perfectly refreshes the production atmosphere. But it's almost unrealistic character.
A man who finds himself in the "flower garden" either tries to stay on the sidelines, drearily hoping for the appearance of a fellow soldier, or voluntarily or involuntarily begins to behave like a ladies' man. Feeling his demand in full, he flirts alternately with all capable ladies. If at the same time he is not married and outwardly attractive, serious passions flare up around him.
The employee, who alone captured his attention, has a hard time. They begin to ostracize her, an unthinkable number of “blunders” are found in her work, and the leader may well fire her because of her unsuitability. Therefore, make it a rule for yourself that such men do not exist for you.
But even if you dare to have an affair at work, surrounded by "ardent well-wishers", be prepared to courageously endure numerous nit-picking and attacks. After all, envy and jealousy are extremely difficult to hide and contain. And these feelings are the most fertile environment for the development of intrigues and squabbles. Therefore, even if you were "chosen" for the role of your girlfriend in front of your own women's team, move the main scenes backstage. It's nice, of course, to wipe their noses with them all, but the peace and tranquility within the walls of the office, where you spend most of your life, are worth a lot.
Male team. How to work successfully in a male team
If all your life you have dreamed of being the only rose among the thistles and counting on every minute attention, care and support, then in vain. Usually, working in a male company is comparable to military operations, overcoming an obstacle course or climbing a tall mountain. Get ready for the fact that in addition to the main duties you will have one more concern - survival in a tough and harsh environment, with its own rules, pace and specific relationships.
It should be noted that men in the service, especially when there are a lot of them, are not at all the same as men after work. For some reason, women tend to think that a real man- this is necessarily a gallant knight who must take care of the lady in every possible way, knowing that she is a weak creature, protecting her from all the troubles and misfortunes that await in the service. The reality is likely to be different. Having decided to join the male team as a full-fledged employee, a specialist, you cease to be a weak being in the eyes of your male colleagues, you become, like everyone else, a team player who will be subject to the same strict requirements as everyone else. These are the terms of the game you are about to play.
You will not be forgiven for mistakes and failures just because you are a woman. At work, you are the same employee, specialist, professional, like all those who work with you. A woman who does not understand and does not accept this simple alignment will lose. To prevent this from happening, try to comprehend the psychology of working in a male team.
First of all, this is a tough competitive struggle in which the weak are not spared. By demanding special treatment, you run the risk of getting an irritable, rude reaction from colleagues in response. Don't provoke them to it. The optimal course of action is to show your professional abilities, become a colleague and a strong player. The ability to demonstrate your success and take special poses is an important game skill. You say that such behavior is similar to bragging and dishonesty? But for men, this is a completely normal style of communication. They love to brag.
Therefore, even when you are just getting a job in a male team, in any case, do not tell at the interview that your goals and interests are a good relationship in a team, corporate events, etc. Only work, profit, results!
Don't expect colleagues to appreciate your talents and competence. You yourself must convince them of your skill. Demonstrate your competence and act confidently. Before you say “I can’t do this,” think about your achievements. After all, you have done so many different things! If, in response to a new offer or appointment, you do not ask in confusion: “How is this done?”, But cheerfully report: “No problem!” - you have a chance to quickly acquire a reputation as an energetic and promising employee.
Don't give up! If you want to look like a competent person, mention your mistakes less often. To do this, you do not need to lie or dodge, just do not show your mistakes in public. By the way, you have to forget about the habit of apologizing with or without it. It's not very polite, but ... men consider excessive apologies "an advertisement for their mistakes."
Often working women have to make a choice between home and career. Men, as a rule, do not like to overwork, but they do not suffer from it in the same way as women. It is understandable, because caring wives are waiting for them at home with a hot dinner and clean ironed shirts. A stove and an iron are waiting for you at home, hungry children and a husband who cannot even spread a sandwich without you. To make a career in a company where work time not standardized, you will have to work for a long time. So, you will have to choose between work and household duties. Men in this situation usually reduce their time at home, and women reduce their working hours. If you are not satisfied with such rules of the game - look for another job.
Another difficulty is that women often do not know how to maintain contacts with business partners or clients. How do you feel about inviting a bore from a subsidiary to the tennis court just because it depends on signing a contract? What do you think of dinner with the right people"? The prospect of such a drinker is a rather severe test. In general, it is much more difficult for women than for men to withstand communication with unsympathetic people. But if it’s customary in your firm to spend extra effort on attracting customers, you will have to put up with it. Or create a niche for yourself that no one but you can fill.
What style of clothing to choose for working in a male team?
Work clothes style is better to choose business, no extravagant outfits, expensive and defiant jewelry. If when you first appear at work, your outfit can really attract everyone's attention, anyway, this will not continue permanently, even if you start changing dresses several times during the working day. Men are passionate about work, they will not pay attention to such trifles, gradually adapting to the variety of your outfits. Therefore, there should not be any fanciful extravagant and exclusive dresses at work. A lady in a long evening dress or, conversely, an ultra-short skirt looks rather strange against the background of men in business suits. Try to change your wardrobe so that your outfit is sure to have some individual elements menswear- jacket, trousers, vest. Business style, appropriate in the office, and similarity to men in small things will serve you well. For example, a tie in the mind and even the subconscious of a man is a phallic symbol. And if you are not ready to put on a man's tie, a neckerchief is its analogue, a symbol of your business equality.
In an effort to establish herself in the male team, a woman can sometimes believe that she will be able to achieve the goal by typically female means. She flirts a little, shoots her eyes, and all her colleagues will certainly rush to look after her and, perhaps, offer her hand and heart. This probably happens, but much more often it turns out quite the opposite.
Don't think that men don't have gray matter between their ears. They have already discussed all your advantages on the first day of your entry into the service. But showing signs of attention in the service on the part of men, especially if it is not one person, an intelligent woman should be considered as a provocation or a test. Men are naturally cautious. If there is something to notice, they have already noticed it. Now they are studying. Therefore, to begin with, it is worth paying more attention not to finding admirers, but to acquiring knowledge in your specialty. Even the most malevolent colleagues always respect professionals in their field, regardless of whether it is a woman or a man. So you still have a chance to achieve admiration.
And now learn to be friends with men. Do not rush to accept signs of attention. Get into the work. Don't be afraid of men: it annoys them. Men at work are focused on achieving the set goal, task, so they are much more concerned about what a lady is like as a specialist, how useful she will be at work.
If they openly flirt with you, call you diminutive names, “baby”, “baby”, do not try to make a fuss, this will only whip up your familiar colleague. It is better to express condescending surprise. Let him look better as an ill-mannered child than you as an offended girl.
The same applies to certain humiliating assignments. For example, when you - the only woman among male colleagues and it is you who are certainly asked to make tea or make coffee. Of course, they show you "who is the boss in the house."
Alas, a sharp refusal is usually ineffective. Where better to take control of the situation. For example, offer coffee yourself before you are asked to bring it.
Then it will just look like a courtesy you have shown.
So give up coquetry, flirting, forbidden tricks. God forbid you flirt with the boss! You will automatically become an enemy to everyone. So much has been written about office romances that it is pointless to exaggerate this topic, it should only be added that if the situation in the team is heating up, then most often the woman is fired.
There is another extreme, which ladies fall into, trying to win a worthy place in the men's team. For some reason, they believe that they will achieve career growth if they immediately forget that they are women and quickly turn into tough, masculine business women. Such women seek to adopt the style and demeanor, rigidity in communication from their male colleagues. They change even outwardly: short haircuts, men's suits, strong cigarettes, masculine style of communication. Nevertheless, despite all efforts, the lady will still not be able to completely become her own in a purely male team.
No matter how strange it may sound, but men feel falseness subconsciously. They understand that this behavior is largely feigned, unnatural, not typical for a woman, so they will shun her. Meanwhile, trying to become a man in a skirt takes a huge amount of energy. Retribution comes later in the form of early aging, shattered nerves, loneliness. Therefore, this path is unproductive. Do not forget that you are still a woman. So, softer, more tolerant, more even in communication than a man. You are able to resist the tough world of male aggressiveness with your charm.
But no matter how hard you try, you should not hope to easily and simply find a common language with male colleagues, and even more so - make loyal friends at work. Work is not the place to look for friends. For men, their work is a place where they can assert themselves, fulfill themselves as specialists and professionals. This is a territory of competitive struggle, sometimes tough, for the opportunity to move up the career ladder. Therefore, at work, relationships are formed rather at the level of correct professional interaction of all team members, but do not become sincerely friendly. It is hardly possible to speak of such an alliance as true friendship. You should not count on the fact that as soon as you sincerely tell a colleague about all your problems in a conversation and begin to sympathetically ask about his affairs, he will immediately become your devoted friend. Men don't seek friendship at work. They are especially frightened by the emotionality of expressing feelings, which is typical for women. Men try not to show their emotions so clearly.
If a lady constantly and very violently demonstrates her joy or sadness, the male part of the team will simply consider her a hysteric, and therefore, learn to control emotions, do not puzzle the interlocutor with your own problems with family, health, children. A man will take your revelation as a request for help.
For the same reasons, forget about discouragement and complaining. Male colleagues become furious when they see that we are whining and complaining about life. In the end, it is on this occasion that you can meet your beloved friend, in whose vest it is so sweet to cry.
Do not try to get into a man's soul. Men, as a rule, do not like excessive attention to their own personal lives, they do not like constant discussion of the behavior and personal qualities of work colleagues.
Don't get carried away with it. But your ability to turn your shoulder, tactfully and silently, a man will definitely appreciate.
Hide your emotions, even when faced with outright rudeness from one of your colleagues. Many women believe that if they raised their voice or simply yelled at them, it is impossible to remain silent. The offender should respond with the same coin, or simply burst into tears, trying to arouse remorse in him. Probably, this will cause the expected reaction for someone, but it may turn out that neither a cry nor tears will stop your enemy. Just once again, everyone around you will be convinced of your weakness, that you cannot be considered as a full-fledged player in the men's team.
In no case do not show the enemy that he got you, even if this is true. No one should ever see your tears! It is very important in such a situation to maintain self-control, not to let yourself be drawn into a senseless scandal.
Restrain yourself, answer in an emphatically correct tone. This will cool down your opponent's aggressiveness. Speak quietly, this will cause your abuser to turn down the volume. Pause between sentences, this will give you time to think and feel your state of mind. this moment. In any controversial situation, a person who owns his emotions looks more worthy. Sometimes rudeness is a provocation, a desire to “show your place”. Often, tough-looking men do not withstand pressure or do not know how to take a punch. The female advantage is that you are not expected to be courageous and resilient.
Psychologists have noticed one feature of female psychology: if men quickly leave after a major conversation, forgetting about the quarrel, then women, on the contrary, are able to mentally return to an unpleasant episode again and again, scrolling through it in their heads and continuing to get angry. This is a dead end path. Resentment only in vain burns nerve cells. Do not accumulate anger, do not be vindictive - this harms you first of all.
Surely you are familiar with the expression: "Listen to a woman and do the opposite." It is clear that only a man could come up with this, and therefore draw conclusions, especially if you are trying to get along in a male team. The conclusion is simple: men are extremely sensitive to all the advice coming from women. They just don't like them. Men perceive your advice as criticism, as a statement of their professional failure. By the way, for most men there is only one woman who has the right to tell them - the mother.
Tips are especially annoying when someone very generously shares them with everyone in a row. Hence such an extremely hostile attitude towards an uninvited adviser. In order not to be ranked among such people, try not to criticize anyone, not to advise anyone, and if you express your opinion, then only when you are asked about it. No matter what they say, but people do not like criticism, no matter who it comes from. On the contrary, a benevolent assessment, praise, compliment is a significant psychological support for any member of the stronger sex. Having received it from you, he will soon seek advice himself.
There are so many problems and difficulties that await a woman in a male team that a strong conviction may arise: a woman simply cannot exist normally in this male world. It's not like that at all. Your colleagues hope that you will strengthen their team with your knowledge and skills, that you
you will be proactive and persistent in achieving common goals, you will not annoy them excessively with your complexes and, of course, recognize their genius.
Mixed team
This is the most common option. But the pitfalls here may be the following: to you, especially if you are new, from the bored atmosphere and for the sake of diversity, men will begin to show attention, and for this women will sharpen their teeth on you. Therefore, it is better not to flirt with men, not to rush to offers, and not to quarrel with women and build “bridges of love and friendship”. But after you like the female half and get comfortable in general, you can behave as you like, now no one forces you to be a taciturn nun who shuns male society. It’s just that if you don’t immediately make wide eyes and a sweet smile in response to any male compliment and dine with everyone in turn, both men and women will equally respect you.
Psychological comfort in the teaching staff.
“There was a wise man who knew everything. One person wanted to prove that the sage does not know everything. Clutching the butterfly in his hands, he asked: “Tell me, sage, which butterfly is in my hands: dead or alive?” And he himself thinks: “If the living one says, I will kill her, if the dead one says, I will let her out.” The sage, after thinking, replied: "Everything is in your hands."
It is in our hands to create an atmosphere in the team in which everyone will feel “at home”, an atmosphere of psychological comfort. That's exactly what it sounds liketopic of the teachers' council .
What associations do you have when you hear the word "comfort"?
Let's remember what iscomfort - these are the conditions of life, stay, environment, providing convenience, tranquility and comfort. (" Dictionary Russian language”, S. I. Ozhegov).Psychological comfort - living conditions in which a person feels calm and does not see the need to defend himself.
We often talk about psychological comfort in the classroom or at school, but we rarely think about whether we, teachers in our team, are comfortable? Based on a survey of teachers in our school, it was noted thatonly 72% of teachers feel comfortable, 28% feel not comfortable enough.
To create a comfortable atmosphere in the teaching staff, you need to work on the psychological climate. Let's take a plant as an example: in one climate it can flourish, in another - wither. The same can be said about the psychological climate in the team: in some conditions, people feel uncomfortable, tend to leave the team, spend less time in it, their personal growth slows down, in others - the team functions optimally and its members get the opportunity to fully realize their potential.
What is the psychological climate? What are its main components? What do we all need to do to make each of us feel comfortable at work?Today we will all try to answer these questions together.
Psychological climate - this is an informal relationship that develops between employees.
The most important signs of a favorable psychological climate:
Confidence,
High demands of group members to each other,
Benevolent and businesslike criticism,
free expression own opinion when discussing issues related to the whole team,
Lack of pressure from managers on subordinates and recognition of their right to make decisions that are significant for the group,
Sufficient awareness of team members about its tasks and the state of affairs in their implementation,
Satisfaction with belonging to a team
A high degree of emotional involvement and mutual assistance in situations that cause a state of frustration in any of the team members,
Taking responsibility for the state of affairs in the group by each of its members.
The main indicators of the psychological climate:
Satisfaction of employees of the organization with the nature and content of work,
Satisfaction with relationships with work colleagues and managers,
Satisfaction with leadership style
Satisfaction with the level of conflict in relationships,
Satisfaction vocational training personnel.
Factors affecting the psychological climate of the group:
1. Leadership style
2. Features of activity
3. Compatibility
What can I do to make the psychological climate in our team the most comfortable for everyone? I want to offer you the recommendations that each of you have on the table. Read them. When using the above socio-psychological methods, the level of comfort in the team should rise.
And why do we need this comfort at all? What's so special about it?
Karl Marx said:Only in a collective does an individual receive the means that enable him to develop his inclinations in all respects. In fact, a comfortable psychological climate in the team affects not only the relationship between us, but also affects each of us individually. We have fewer reasons for irritation, which directly affects the quality of work. And since we work with children of primary school age, we need to come to class in a cheerful frame of mind.
I propose the following decision of the teachers' council: following the recommendations, adjust the level of comfort in our team and periodically monitor it.
Why this happens: some people easily get along with work colleagues, while others, like a magnet, attract trouble and become the object of constant nit-picking and claims. What is the reason for such bad luck in a relationship?
Unfortunately, manipulation and self-realization at the expense of others is a type of behavior often found in modern society.
You can become the object of neglect or humiliation for showing up to work without a tie, accidentally hitting someone's papers on your desk, making a mistake, not immediately understanding the task you were given, etc. You can become the object of ridicule and neglect for that you belong to a group of people who are traditionally different from the majority or considered unpleasant. For example, “ethnic minority”, with “developmental features”, overweight, left-handers, having convicted relatives, etc.
There are three types of humiliating behavior: aggressive, offensive and self-deprecating.
Aggressive - includes a rude direct statement or action.
Offensive is a veiled form of humiliation through ignorance, the deliberate creation of difficulties, defiant statements or gestures.
Self-deprecating - characteristic of people who are insecure, who "radiate signals of a potential victim."
The emotional experiences associated with relationships with colleagues are exhausting more than any job. How do you make work a joy, not a burden? It's easy to say: treat people the way you would like to be treated. But in practice, it can be difficult to deal with feelings and emotions. At such moments, you feel especially keenly how necessary it is to master the techniques psychological protection. Therefore, psychologists have developed five rules that allow, in some cases, to provide yourself with psychological comfort quite effectively.
Rule 1. Potential aggressors first of all pay attention to the behavior of people. If you have slightly slumped shoulders, shallow breathing, fussy gait - all this indicates an internal uncertainty. It is immediately clear to anyone that it is easier to deal with a person who is not confident in himself. Why not be realized at his expense? On the contrary, straight, straightened shoulders, a determined gait, calm movements show that a person is able to quickly orient himself and give a decisive rebuff. Maybe it's best not to mess with it. Watch your posture, if you have a habitual stoop, get rid of it with the help of physical exercises. At the same time, strengthen your health.
Rule 2. The absent-minded look of a person who avoids looking directly into the eyes of others, looking for something under his feet, is evidence of lack of concentration, dispersal. This shows that a person does not capture all the information from the outside world. It is easy for such a person to become a victim not only of rude colleagues, but also of criminals. A straight, unflappable look is usually the key to security, both psychological and criminal. Although, if you pass by aggressive employees, it is better not to look in their direction. Give them time to cool down.
Rule 3. An emotionally unstable, impulsive, touchy person is always a good bait for an aggressor. Increased emotionality "narrows" attention and perception of time: a person "lives here and now", obsessed with situations, unable to look at everything "from the outside". He mobilizes his inner reserves for emotions and is unable to offer effective resistance, because he either makes excuses, or screams, or cries. It is extremely important to always remain calm, not to get involved in squabbles and scandals. Restrained the first reaction - took the first step towards victory!
Rule 4. A smiling person looks more confident in the eyes of others. A smile is evidence of inner composure and calmness! Friendliness and positive emotions contribute to effective communication. This will help the following train of thought, which is useful to repeat before the working day: “I meet daily with workers, not idlers. These people work with me in the same organization; just like me, every day go to work. They, like me, love their relatives, children, their home. They are what I want them to be: no better and no worse. If I am happy to meet them, then they are happy to see me too. I will think so and act kindly until someone proves to me that I am wrong. But even in this case, I will support warm relationship with everyone. Politeness and correctness are my friends forever!”
Rule 5. The Bible says: "... what a person thinks in his heart, that he is in reality." If a person is internally confident in himself, his strength, then he will never become a potential victim. Practical psychologists have convincingly proven that suspicious people themselves attract trouble. "Similar attracts like." Bad thoughts attract bad deeds. Perhaps there is some mysticism in this, but it can definitely be said that our thoughts program our behavior. So, even in thoughts it is necessary to show confidence.
There are also erroneous reactions of a person to the provocative behavior of others, these are:
The excuse, or escape tactic: "Don't hit me - I'm good!" occurs in 60% of cases. This tactic will not make it possible to take a worthy place in the team, as it is similar to a child's one and shows the humiliated position of a person. No one needs excuses, they are not expected, and they do not want to listen.
Counterattack, or reflection tactics, reminiscent of the saying: "The best defense is an attack!". This is how they react in 20% of cases. Such behavior provokes conflict, which rarely brings anything constructive, but more often - spent nerves and damaged relationships. An outburst of anger gives short-term calm, but always burns bridges to a solution to a problem and further causes depression.
Silence, or the tactic of fading, is similar to folk wisdom: "The word is silver, silence is gold!" This happens about 10% of the time. Many perceive silence either as a sign of consent, or as silence out of spite. Is such an attitude achieved by silence? In addition, doctors and psychologists know that it is extremely harmful to be silent and “swallow” resentment. Unreacted emotions give rise to inferiority complexes.
Attention! It's good to let your emotions out, but don't take your anger out on your co-workers. There is only one way of decent behavior - confident. The strategy is to get out of any situation without conflict while maintaining self-esteem.
This requires four important elements:
Do not rush to answer: give the opportunity to openly express your feelings to another, if he needs it, (i.e., “let off steam”);
Calmly show that you understand the feelings and motives of the behavior of another, you can apologize even if you feel humiliated;
To speak openly about your feelings in connection with misbehavior in your address;
Offer a solution that will help end an unpleasant situation and prevent them in the future.
The proposed technique is called the "Cake Method". What do you do if someone throws a sweet cake in your face?
1. Dodge (bravo, if possible!).
2. Catch the whole cake with your mouth (show such a mouth!).
3. Throw it back (or the little piece that remains of it ...).
Isn't it better to bite off a piece, and let the rest fly on. Recognize only a part of the statements or actions addressed to you as fair, say so, not forgetting about Magic word to calm the vigilance of the interlocutor and demonstrate their readiness for mutual understanding. Sincerely respect the right of others not to love you. Say no more than two sentences in response.
In a situation of open aggression:
How many times can you repeat, are you - fell from the moon?!
Yes, the task is not clear to me the first time, although I am an earthling.
In a situation of offensive hints:
Some have such manners that you involuntarily think that they were brought up by dad Karla or in the garbage ...
Yes, with some people it may seem that way. Not everyone likes each other's manners and not everyone has enough tolerance.
It is clear that these rules and techniques will be little effective in a situation of organized psychological pressure, but they will help to adequately survive or somewhat mitigate unpleasant situations.
Presentation at the seminar class teachers on the topic "Trust Relations as a Means of Pedagogical Support for the Child". The article provides examples of trainings, the result of which is the realization of one's own value and the value of other people, the establishment of warm emotional contact, and the increase of trust in each other.
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CREATING PSYCHOLOGICAL COMFORT IN CHILDREN'S TEAM
“Question: how to teach? What is the best method? - have a question
About the relationship between student and student
The best." L. N. Tolstoy.
Children growing up in modern world, differ in many ways from their peers of previous generations. Most children who cross the school threshold already know how to read and write, know the basics of computer technology, have great information access, but at the same time they experience unstable, uncomfortable states that make it difficult to fulfill school requirements, experience difficulties in communicating with elders and peers, and are constantly under stress. situations.
A modern child is not the Kid from A. Lindgren's fairy tale "Baby and Carlson", who dreamed of getting a dog for his birthday in order to play with it. This is a child - "Home Alone", who grows up on the series "Happy Together", "Univer", "The Simpsons", which is surrounded by soulless cell phones, cruel characters in computer games, monosyllabic answers of busy parents to thousands of "Why?". At home, caring for a child is understood in a very peculiar way: feed, drink, put on and dress. But what about another need of the child - the need for communication?
Communication is a prerequisite for the full development of the child. It helps to establish somatic and mental balance, reduce the severity of emerging conflicts, relieve stressful conditions, increase the assessment of one's own social significance. Communication in childhood must necessarily include elements of a positive emotional attitude - friendliness, recognition, love.
It should be remembered that the style of the relationship of adults to the child affects not only children's behavior, but also the mental health of children; Thus, the child's lack of confidence in the adult's positive attitude towards himself or, conversely, confidence in the inactive assessment of him as a person provokes repressed aggressiveness. If a child perceives an adult's attitude towards himself as negative, then the adult's attempts to encourage the child to communicate cause him to become embarrassed and anxious. Prolonged deficit emotional communication between an adult and a child gives rise to the latter's uncertainty about the positive attitude of adults towards him, causes a feeling of anxiety and feelings of emotional distress.
The solution to this problem is seen in the creation of psychological comfort among schoolchildren. Positive emotions characteristic of psychological comfort are driving force in human behavior, in ways of interacting with the environment.
The sources of psychological comfort are the organization of interpersonal interactions “teacher-student”. It's a relationship in progress joint activities which are characterized by a positive emotional state, friendly relationships. This is expressed in active listening, trust. Trust is a prerequisite for interaction between teacher and student. “Trust given usually evokes fidelity in return,” said the ancients.
The actions of the teacher to create a comfortable environment are to provide favorable conditions in order to enable the child to fully manifest as a person. Specific methods can be a request instead of a demand or an order, persuasion instead of physical or aggressive verbal influence, a clear organization instead of strict discipline. In junior school age tactile contact is of particular importance. A kind touch is a sign of emotional security. Direct ways of implementing individual support include encouragement, service, stress relief, protection, addressing by name, friendly visual contact, constant interest in the student, empathy for him, etc.
We should not forget about creating a situation of success, but a situation that is achievable. Choose such tasks, give such assignments, in the performance of which students more often achieve success than failure. It is necessary to help remove the feeling of fear, provide covert assistance, give advice. There is no need to be afraid to advance the student, naming his merits: advancement in the presence of the team mobilizes the child's activity, and he makes every effort to justify the characteristic given to him. “Praise is useful, if only because it strengthens us in virtuous intentions,” wrote F. Larochefoucauld.
Maybe this is the main right of the child - kindness, protection, peace of mind at school. A sense of security guaranteed. Even if it can hurt performance. Preserving the mental balance of the child is what becomes the main task of the teacher in today's life.
A good effect in creating psychological comfort is given by trainings aimed at developing emotional contact. The children learn to manage their feelings, relieve emotional stress, establish friendly relations in a peer group and in communication with adults (see Appendix).
Today pedagogical approach to education requires a new understanding. It is important for teachers to be flexible, to learn how to rearrange their actions depending on the situation, while observingrules of professional activity:
Rule 1 .Be professional, be able to teach your subject as if it were the most important.
Rule 2 .Take the student as he is, regardless of his external data, the level of development of intelligence, abilities. Do not evaluate the personality of the student only through the prism of the marks received, and his knowledge - depending on the behavior.
Rule 3 Provide emotional comfort to your child at school. For this:
- be his senior friend and support;
- seek to understand individual characteristics student;
- be tolerant of his shortcomings;
- do not impose your opinion;
- be tactful;
- trust children;
- do not allow discrepancies between word and deed;
- Don't compare your child to other children.
Rule 4 . Do not arrange a "public showdown" with your child. Tell him everything in private.
Rule 5 . Find the courage to admit you're wrong and if necessary, apologize.
Rule 6 . Never criticize a person, but give an assessment of only a negative act (not “you are bad”, but “you did a bad thing”).
Rule 7 . Never “fight” with children: if you manage to insist on your own, then the children will repay you with their stubbornness and inaction.
The laws of teacher ethics:
- Treat the student with respect, love, kindness.
- Do not allow yourself harsh, peremptory judgments.
- Be tactful, never emphasize your superiority both in communication with the student and with your colleagues.
- In any conflict situation, learn to find a reasonable optimal solution.
- Be tolerant of human shortcomings and weaknesses.
- Know how to spare the pride and dignity of other people.
- Strive to ensure that the parents of the students are your like-minded people.
- Never sort things out with anyone in the presence of strangers.
- Don't start anything in anger.
- At any life situation remember: you are a teacher, the demand for behavior and way of thinking is stricter with you.
- Remember Golden Rule Ethics: Treat people the way you would like to be treated.
The result of benevolent, trusting relationships in conditions of psychological comfort: for the child - this is the alignment of personality, the preservation of mental health; for the teacher - satisfaction, a visible result in the face of happy and grateful pupils.
APPLICATION
Positive attitude “Charge of kindness”
This is a special methodological technique: starting the day, express to the children your confidence that they will be friendly, attentive and compliant, try not to offend each other so that conflict situations do not arise in the class. This is how the day ends. Before letting the children go home, a minute of debriefing is organized, dedicated to the analysis of the day. With the help of a teacher, children try to figure out how a possible conflict could be avoided, and if it has already happened, how to reconcile the conflicting parties so that no one leaves offended. Thus, in the children's team, the habit of evaluating actions from the position of benevolence and respect for each other is formed, the experience of moral conflict resolution is accumulated, the inclinations of self-control in the behavior of children are formed, a benevolent atmosphere is established in their relationships.
Training "Smile to another"
Children sit in a circle. They choose one participant to start the exercise. The task is very simple: he must smile at his neighbor on the right. That one “passes on” the smile to the next child, and so on until the smile returns to the first child. The activity is followed by a discussion during which the children report how they felt when they “received” and “passed on” their smiles.
The result is the establishment of a warm emotional contact, increasing trust in each other.
Training "Sunshine"
Children are invited to draw on the sheet the sun, from which the rays depart. On three rays you need to write your own positive traits. Then fix the sheets with the painted sun on the back. Children come up to each other and write on the rays those positive qualities that, in their opinion, are inherent in this student. At the end, the children take their suns off their backs and read what is written there. We discuss:
What have I learned about myself?
What have I learned about others?
The result of the training is a positive perception of your classmate.
Training “Connecting thread”
The guys sit in a circle, passing each other a ball of thread so that those who already held the ball had a thread in their hands. Passing the ball, the children talk about what they feel now, what they want for themselves and what they can wish for others. The teacher starts the game by showing an example of how to talk about it. Then the teacher turns to the players, asking if they have anything to say. When the ball returns to the leader, the children pull on a common thread and close their eyes, imagining, at the request of the teacher, that they all make up a single whole and that each of them is important and significant part this whole.
The result of the training is the realization of one's own value and the value of other people.
Psychological comfort at work You can adore your work and perceive every working day as a holiday, because you like “working work”. But sometimes thoughts creep into your head that part of the team is indifferent to you, but you don’t notice someone yourself. And someone, in your opinion, is completely unbearable, and given that you cannot do without business contacts within the team, put out the light! But you really want the expression “work is a second home” to justify itself and that the atmosphere does not resemble a crazy house, and relationships in the team are warm and sincere in a family way.
Organizational psychology is now at the peak of popularity, and terms such as "socio-psychological comfort" and "team building" are on everyone's lips. These concepts are interrelated, because a team is a close-knit work team, and socio-psychological compatibility and comfort are nothing more than a consequence of the similarity of interests, values and expectations of team members.
Not every group of employees can form a cohesive team. And the requirements are:
Firstly, all members of the team should, well, they are simply obliged (and not at gunpoint, but of their own free will) to perceive the work with an optimistic attitude "it's great that we are all here today."
Colleagues perceive each other, if not as bosom friends (after all, many consider friendship at work a mistake), then as good friends. Agree, it is absurd to talk about cohesion and a healthy atmosphere if you honor and love the ladies from the accounting department only on the day of the salary, and the remaining 21 working days you greet them through your teeth.
Psychologists who study relationships within teams have deduced a direct relationship between the proximity of workplaces and group cohesion. So know that no one is forcing you to love absolutely all the employees of the company (and their number, with all branches and representative offices, can number over a thousand heads), but maintaining a sincere atmosphere in your own department is a blessing.
Particular attention is paid to the size of the group. The aphorism “Two is a company, three is already a crowd” is irrelevant in this case, because such a “company” at least will not be able to fully realize their goals. A group of 5-9 people is considered optimal for developing a team spirit. Psychologists jumped in on this aspect and found out that groups with an even number of participants are more productive than those with an odd number.
One of essential conditions cohesion and comfort in the group - the psychological compatibility of the participants. The similarity of life values, attitudes and principles is, of course, a plus. But the identity of temperaments and characters is not always a guarantee of calmness and comfort - no matter how you look at it. If born leaders and leaders come together, they will definitely quarrel, making the right decision. The group of "executors" and "followers" will also fail, solving important tasks. It is not a fact that among them there is a daredevil who is ready to put all the responsibility on his shoulders. Therefore, the complementarity of employees is the desired key to an effective and conflict-free work activity. With such a wise approach, the negative traits of one employee can be balanced by the positive traits of another. For example, the pessimism and isolation of the melancholic are neutralized by the optimism and sociability of the sanguine. The frequent change of moods and hobbies of the choleric is well complemented by the calmness, logic and steady purposefulness of the phlegmatic.
In many ways, a friendly or unfriendly environment at work depends on the very top. No, no, it's not about the Almighty, but about your leadership. It is difficult to feel in a team as in a family if the boss is an authoritarian personality, he does not feed employees with gingerbread, but he waves his whip so intensely that it fills everyone's ears. In teams where this style of leadership reigns, the freedom of action and movement of employees is strictly regulated. In other words, it is limited. Such an approach is by no means conducive to a trusting environment, but is it really possible to love those whom you do not trust? We hope that your boss is not a tyrant-individualist, but the most darling who trusts his subordinates and perceives them as equals.
Do you want to understand whether you work in a team or just ran past? Then answer the following questions:
. Do you consider yourself a real, “tangible” part of the group?
We really hope that you answered “yes” to this question and, even considering yourself a small cog in a huge mechanism, you realize your value as an employee who is reckoned with.
. If you were offered the same job (according to job responsibilities) for an equal salary in another organization, would you think about the possibility of moving there?
A positive answer is a wake-up call that you feel uncomfortable in this team and may experience stress from having to work side by side with these people.
. How do you get along with your colleagues? How often do conflicts happen?
Completely avoiding the slightest conflict is too utopian a requirement for those who are made of flesh and blood. But too frequent quarrels in the organization are not from a good life, and in this case there is no smell of team spirit at all.
If there are no regular aggressive skirmishes, hazing, communication in raised tones in the team, and you yourself feel comfortable at work, then there is no reason for concern. Even if communication with colleagues is too formal and exclusively for work, this is not at all a synonym for indifference, let alone hostility. Businesslike but polite interaction within the workflow --- sign professional team. And if you wish, you can always try to add notes of sincerity: make a compliment, joke or unobtrusively offer to have lunch together.
