About social networks and social norms. Why are we wrong

About the book
Funny, insightful, and witty responses from behavioral economist Dan Ariely to Wall Street Journal readers' questions about everything.

Dan Ariely's books and research have changed the way we look at our decisions and actions. The best-selling author of Predictable Irrationality and Positive Irrationality writes the "Ask Ariely" column for the Wall Street Journal, answering readers' questions - funny and serious - from a behavioral economics standpoint.

People were interested in what science could say about their specific experiences, decisions, thoughts. There were a lot of questions - and at some point Dan realized that many of them were more common than others.

This book brings together the best questions and answers, edited, updated and illustrated with funny comics by William Heifeli, whose work has been featured in The New Yorker and other prestigious publications.

Among the questions Dan Ariely answers in this book are:

What do you need to do to stay calm while playing in a changing market?
How can you get someone to quit smoking?
How can you maximize your return on investment in a buffet?
Can the human soul be valued?
Is it rational to justify spending thousands of dollars on expensive watches?
Who is this book for?

For anyone who is interested in psychology and wants to learn more about irrational behavior.

Using simple experiments, Dan Ariely studied how people actually act in the marketplace and compared their behavior to how they would act if they were completely rational. The subject of his research are such daily actions as buying and not buying, saving and extravagance, ordering food in restaurants, procrastination, dishonesty and decision-making under the influence of various emotional states. The results obtained were simply stunning. They literally challenged the concept of human rationality as a key idea modern economy. According to the findings of the researcher, many of our actions are absolutely irrational. We act according to the same scenarios that are not obvious to ourselves and others. We are predictably irrational!

The study was published in leading scientific journals on psychology, economics, marketing and management, as well as repeatedly mentioned on the pages of such publications as The New York Times, The New Yorker Magazine, The Washington Post, The Financial Times, etc. "Predictable Irrationality" summarized the entire experience of the author and instantly became a bestseller. More recently, Dan Ariely has completed work on his new book Perfectly Irrational: The Unexpected Ways We Defy Logic at Work and at Home.

Dan Ariely

Disappearing socks, New Year's resolutions and 97 more mysteries of life

Dedicated to all the oddities, intricacies and beauty of human nature

Introduction

I will try to give a rational explanation for my abilities to observe and comprehend human nature: they originate in my traumas and their long-term consequences. Having received third-degree burns, that is, about seventy percent of my body, I was pulled out of the usual teenage life and spent almost three years in the hospital. Among people, I felt out of place, because I experienced severe pain every day, had numerous violations of all body systems and huge scars all over my body. All these circumstances sharpened my powers of observation, and as a result led me to the study of sociology.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think my injuries were worth it. No one can rationally explain so much pain and suffering. But the difficult experiences associated with trauma, time spent in the hospital, and limited opportunities have become a kind of microscope through which I look at life. From this position, I saw a lot of human suffering. I have seen people cope with pain and overcome it, and I have seen those who have given up. I've dealt with all sorts of medical procedures and bizarre relationships between people. From my hospital bed, I watched the people around me, their ordinary life wondered at their habits and pondered the reasons for their actions.

When I left the hospital, my scars, pain, and rather strange-looking medical devices and pressure bandages that covered me from head to toe remained with me, and the feeling of detachment from everyday life did not leave me. With the first steps back into the reality I once took for granted, my field of view extended to large quantity mundane things, such as how we shop, drive, volunteer, socialize with co-workers, take risks, fight, do frivolous things. And, of course, I could not help but notice the intricate intricacies of love relationships.

And I started studying psychology. Pretty soon mine personal life closely intertwined with work. I remembered placebo drugs for pain and performed experiments to help explain the effect of anticipating painful procedures. I remembered receiving bad news in the hospital and tried to find the best thing to say in such cases to patients. There were many other issues that crossed the line of personal and professional, and over time I became better and better at understanding not only my own decisions, but also the behavior of others. That was over twenty-five years ago, and since then O I devoted most of my time to understanding human nature. In particular, I was interested in our mistakes and ways to correct them.

For many years I have published science articles on these topics, and then began to write about his research in a freer colloquial genre. Probably because the research was based on my personal difficult experience, many people began to share their own problems with me. Sometimes they wanted to know what sociology had to say about specific circumstances, but more often it was about their own trials.

I tried to answer all the questions, and later it became clear to me that some of them are interesting in their own right. And in 2012, with the permission of the people who asked them, I began answering letters publicly in my column in the Wall Street Journal. The book you are holding contains some edited and more detailed answers from this column, as well as some previously unpublished questions and answers. And most importantly, the book contains wonderful cartoons by the talented William Heifeli, which, in my opinion, deepen, improve and complement my answers.

Leaving aside my ability to rationalize, is there anything else that makes my advice valuable, accurate, or useful? You be the judge.

Irrationally yours, Dan Ariely

Scale of commitment

Dear Dan,

every year as Christmas approaches, I feel like I should send Christmas cards to everyone I know. And every year the number of postcards is growing and growing. It's getting out of control. Can I start sending postcards only to my real close friends?

Holly

You can only send postcards to your good friends. As a sociologist, I don't think that anyone who leaves your list will be offended, most likely, many simply will not notice this. Perhaps by doing this you will even free them from the obligation to send you postcards for the next year. Thus, you will solve both problems at once - yours and everyone else's. And just in case you want to stop this Christmas card madness for good, there's always Judaism.

On the art and pleasure of saying "no"

Dear Dan,

I recently got a promotion, and now I'm being pestered with all sorts of requests that have nothing to do with my immediate duties. I recognize that it is important to help employees and the company, but all this activity takes up too much of my time and does not allow me to do my own things. How can I best prioritize?

Francesca

Oh yes, here they are, the pitfalls of success. A "promotion" always sounds good, but once we receive it, we often realize that it comes with increased demands and demands. (It is strange that we do not learn this lesson from promotion to promotion and are surprised every time we find such additional costs.)

So, back to the question. This is how I imagine you new life: every day a cute co-worker in need of help asks you to do something for him. In addition, usually such a request is addressed to some future, for example, the next month. You look at your calendar, and it looks quite free, and you say to yourself: “Since I am practically not busy, how can I say no?” But it's not. Your future schedule will not be free, just its details are not yet known. And when the moment comes, you will have an overflowing stream of all kinds of cases, even in the absence of extraneous requests. And then you will regret that you agreed.

This is a very common problem, and I would like to suggest three simple tools for better prioritization.

First, every time you hear a request, ask yourself what you would do if it were for the next week. Look at your schedule and see if it's realistic to give up some of your responsibilities to make room for a new task. If you cancel some things, go ahead and say yes. But if you prefer something else, say no.

Secondly, when you listen to a request, imagine that you look at the calendar to see if you can fulfill it, and find that everything is filled to capacity and on this day you cannot cancel anything, maybe even you not in the city. And try to assess your emotional reaction to this news. If you are upset, then go ahead - agree. If you feel relieved - refuse.

Finally, learn to feel the elation we sometimes feel when something is cancelled. To do this, imagine that you agreed to fulfill a specific request, but later it was canceled. If you are happy, then the answer is obvious.

Dissatisfaction with innovation

Dear Dan,

I am a longtime client of Netflix. She recently withdrew about eighteen hundred films from circulation, and added only a few, though very good ones. I know that I would most likely never watch any of these seized films, but I'm still disappointed and I'm considering giving up the company's services. What made me so upset?

kristen

As a movie buff, I understand your problem well. The essence of such an emotional reaction is the fear of loss - this is one of the basic and well-studied principles of sociological science. Research shows that any loss emotionally affects a person more than receiving something of the same value. Going back to Netflix, the point is that taking movies off your list feels like a loss and feels so painful that not having a not-so-great movie is more frustrating than getting apparently better movies.

Another consequence of the fear of loss is that you view the new collection of films in a negative light as a loss, while new users of the company see only the new film list without any worries about the fact that it was reduced without their consent, and they are more likely to update positively.

Current page: 1 (total book has 9 pages) [available reading excerpt: 2 pages]

This book is well complemented by:

Why are we wrong

Thinking traps in action

Joseph Hallinan

Positive irrationality

How to capitalize on your illogical actions

Dan Ariely

The whole truth about lies

Why and how we cheat

Dan Ariely

On Missing Socks, Pickup Lines, and Other Existential Puzzles

HARPER PERENNIAL

Dan Ariely

Disappearing socks, New Year's resolutions and 97 more mysteries of life

"Mann, Ivanov and Ferber"

Information

from the publisher

Published with permission from Levine Greenberg Rostan Literary Agency and Synopsis Literary Agency

Published in Russian for the first time

Ariely, Dan

Disappearing Socks, New Year's Resolutions, and 97 More Mysteries of Existence / Dan Ariely per. from English. A. Logvinskaya. - M. : Mann, Ivanov and Ferber, 2016.

ISBN 978-5-00057-829-2

This book is a collection of serious and funny questions from readers of the author's column famous writer Dan Ariely and his responses to them. The author, a leading expert in the field of human rationality and irrationality, gives unexpected and paradoxical answers to everyday riddles from the point of view of behavioral economics. Many questions are supplemented and illustrated with funny comics by William Heifeli, illustrator of The New Yorker.

It's a light and enjoyable book with lots of stories and anecdotes that you're sure to enjoy.

Legal support of the publishing house is provided by the law firm "Vegas-Lex"

Dedicated to all the oddities, intricacies and beauty of human nature

Introduction

Don't get me wrong, I don't think my injuries were worth it. No one can rationally explain so much pain and suffering. But the heavy trauma, time spent in the hospital, and limited opportunities have become a kind of microscope through which I look at life. From this position, I saw a lot of human suffering. I have seen people cope with pain and overcome it, and I have seen those who have given up. I've dealt with all sorts of medical procedures and bizarre relationships between people. From my hospital bed, I watched the people around them, their ordinary lives, marveled at their habits, and thought about the reasons for their actions.

When I left the hospital, my scars, pain, and rather strange-looking medical devices and pressure bandages that covered me from head to toe remained with me, and the feeling of detachment from everyday life did not leave me. With the first steps back into a reality that I once took for granted, my perspective has extended to more mundane activities, such as how we shop, drive, volunteer, socialize with colleagues, take risks, struggle, we do stupid things. And, of course, I could not help but notice the intricate intricacies of love relationships.

And I started studying psychology. Pretty soon my personal life was closely intertwined with work. I remembered placebo drugs for pain and performed experiments to help explain the effect of anticipating painful procedures. I remembered receiving bad news in the hospital and tried to find the best thing to say in such cases to patients. There were many other issues that crossed the line of personal and professional, and over time I became better and better at understanding not only my own decisions, but also the behavior of others. That was over twenty-five years ago, and since then I have devoted most of my time to understanding human nature. In particular, I was interested in our mistakes and ways to correct them.

For many years I published scientific articles on these topics, and then began to write about my research in a freer conversational genre. Probably because the research was based on my personal difficult experience, many people began to share their own problems with me. Sometimes they wanted to know what sociology had to say about specific circumstances, but more often it was about their own trials.

Leaving aside my ability to rationalize, is there anything else that makes my advice valuable, accurate, or useful? You be the judge.

Irrationally yours, Dan Ariely

Scale of commitment

Dear Dan,

On the art and pleasure of saying "no"

Dear Dan,

Francesca

So, back to the question. This is how I envision your new life: Every day, a sweet co-worker in need of help asks you to do something for them. In addition, usually such a request is addressed to some future, for example, the next month. You look at your calendar, and it looks quite free, and you say to yourself: “Since I am practically not busy, how can I say no?” But it's not. Your future schedule will not be free, just its details are not yet known. And when the moment comes, you will have an overflowing stream of all kinds of cases, even in the absence of extraneous requests. And then you will regret that you agreed.

This is a very common problem, and I would like to suggest three simple tools for better prioritization.

Dissatisfaction with innovation

Dear Dan,

It seems to me that you treat Netflix more like a museum, providing you with not just certain films, but an exquisite selection of aesthetic experiences. But after all, we do not consider ourselves the owners of works of art stored in museums, and therefore we should not be upset when changing the exposition. If you manage to change your attitude in this way, then you will begin to enjoy Netflix again.

About diet

Dear Dan,

this is probably a common problem, since everyone has been on a diet at least once. My question is: why does the momentary pleasure we get from food outweigh the long-term benefits? And how can we tame our cravings for food and overeating?

As you rightly pointed out, dieting is against our inherent nature. This often happens when we have fantastic ideas about ourselves in the future. What we will do, what we will not do, what decisions we will make and what not. But when it comes to our day-to-day alternatives, it's not uncommon for short-term arguments to outweigh long-term arguments, and our dreams end up in the back seat of the car (and sometimes even in the trunk). When we are not hungry and someone asks us how many sweets we intend to eat next month, we think that we will limit ourselves to one or two desserts. However, when we sit in a restaurant and see our favorite dish on the menu or find ourselves in front of a plate of cakes, we have very different thoughts about the importance of getting dessert right here and now. Looking at a triple portion of chocolate cake, we change our priorities. In behavioral economics, this is called shifting the focus to the present.

Besides, dieting is really hard, much harder than quitting smoking. Why? Because we either smoke or we don't. But with the diet, it’s different - we can’t choose to be eaters or non-eaters. We have to eat, and therefore the question is put differently: what do we eat and when exactly is it time to stop? And since there are no clear rules in this regard, it is especially difficult for us to follow a diet.

So how do we deal with this problem? The simplest solution is to recognize the scope of the test and try to avoid encountering non-diet food from the very beginning. If there is no cake in our house, then most likely we will eat it less often. And if we replace the cake with bell peppers, we will eat bell peppers because they are available. We may decide that sweet is unacceptable for us. Or we allow ourselves sweets only on Shabbat. Another useful and relatively simple rule is not to allow any sugary drinks and ready-made snacks in the house. This introduction of strict, almost religious dietary rules can be very helpful. Having mastered them, we will be able to easily determine at any time whether we are following our long-term plans or not, and this will contribute to our prudent behavior.

About forgotten and forgiven debts

Dear Dan,

Many years ago, a friend of mine asked me to borrow a considerable amount of money. I was happy to help her then, but years have passed and she has never mentioned it. This event cast a shadow on our relationship. What should I do? Should I tell her about this?

Probably because you did her a favor and gave her money, you think that it is she who is the person who is obliged to talk about it. This is probably true morally, but the problem is that when you loaned her the money, you changed the balance of power in your relationship, and this asymmetry makes it very difficult for her to bring up this topic.

Someone should certainly raise this issue, and given the asymmetry that has arisen, I think it's worth it for you to do so.

Now that we have concluded that the initiative belongs to you, the next question is what to say? If you need money, I would suggest something like, "A few years ago I was happy to lend you money, but I'm trying to sort out my bills for the next few weeks and I'd like to know when you'll repay." If in this moment If you don’t need these funds and want to give them to a friend, you can, for example, say: “Somehow you asked me for money, and I just want to make sure that you understood that this was my gift.”

In any case, talking about this topic seems unpleasant at the moment, but in the long run, it can save your friendship.

On marriage and economic models

Dear Dan,

an economist friend of mine told me that marriage is like gambling, when someone bets half of everything they own that their partner will love them forever. Do you agree?

Economists have many different ways of looking at human behavior. Some of them are deeply erroneous, but at the same time they are often interesting all the same, and sometimes useful. Perceiving marriage as a game of chance is a great example of an economic view that is both false and practical at the same time. The description of social and romantic connection as a bet in a casino ignores human relationships (this is the wrong part), but highlights the greater possibility of losses that people rarely take into account when deciding to get married (the practical part). Moreover, I suspect that this particular view of marriage does more harm than good for at least three reasons.

First, while comparing marriage to a gambling bet can be a cautionary tale, married people think differently about life together, children, commitments, and plans for the future. Second, while it may be fun to view marriage as a game of chance, we shouldn't stoop to that level. And finally, I am convinced that next to people dear to us, one should not even stutter about this approach.

Dear Dan,

what is the meaning of the like button on facebook? Why is there, for example, no “dislike” or “hate” button?

The “like” button on Facebook is a way to express our attitude towards other people, a subtle hint about what is good (and what is not good) post, and at the same time a hidden instruction on how we should or should not behave on the social network. Adding buttons like "dislike" or "hate" can change the way we think when reading various posts and set us in a negative mood. I think this will destroy the positive atmosphere of Facebook very quickly. In my opinion, it would be worth adding a "like" button.

Dear Dan,

A few years ago I graduated from college. Since then, my social life has been limited to Facebook. And it doesn't please me at all.

Facebook has many great qualities, but I agree with you: it will not replace human face-to-face communication.

In college, you must have led a lively public life, but probably also picked up student loans. Now the social part is over and all that's left is debt. It's time to change the rules of the game: when you think again that no one really cares whether you are alive or dead, try to miss the repayment deadline a couple of times. And you immediately get a lot of attention.

About Kopi Luwak Coffee

Dear Dan,

On a recent trip to Los Angeles, I stopped at a coffee shop that offered a very expensive coffee called Kopi Luwak, or Civet Coffee. I was surprised at how expensive it was, and the barista described the special process of making coffee to me. An Indonesian cat-like animal, the civet, eats coffee beans, and people then pick the undigested berries, dry them, and roast them to produce the most unusual kind of coffee, considered more tender thanks to the journey the coffee beans have made. Its price reaches hundreds of dollars per pound. I was curious, but I did not dare to buy it or even try it. Can you explain why people are willing to pay huge sums of money for such coffee?

I think you made a mistake. You should have tried one cup, partly because the unique and unusual coffee still intrigued you, and partly because this story could be interesting for your own (or maybe good story not worth a few bucks?) In short, the next time you pass by a coffee shop serving kopi luwak, grab a double espresso.

As for coffee quality, from the information I found, civets know how to find the best coffee beans, and the enzymes in their digestive system process the beans, reducing their acidity and thereby improving their quality. (I have no idea how this actually works, but it's a curious fact.)

So why are people willing to pay so much for civet coffee? Perhaps they pay for something new and interesting. Or maybe the reason is the peculiarities of the effort expended. This custom manufacturing process is much more complex than a regular cup of coffee, and we know people tend to pay more for something that takes more work, even if the product itself isn't better. And civet coffee is an example of effort-based pricing.

And finally, I wonder how much people would be willing to pay if the grains went not through the Indonesian little animal, but through the American man? In my opinion, despite the interesting story and for the amount of effort involved, this particular cooking option is just too cool for us.

About misfortunes and wedding rings

Dear Dan,

my future wife wants a ring with a two carat stone, but I would prefer to buy a simpler ring and spend the remaining money on a house, wedding, etc. An expensive ring is supported by most of her friends, and besides, she herself has long dreamed of it . What do you think of such absurd behaviour? Advise how to be.

First of all, there is a difference between absurd and difficult to understand behavior.

The dream of a diamond ring can be explained by the fact that women love such things precisely because men hate to go shopping for them. If you get an item for your beloved woman, the purchase of which makes you happy, that's good. But overcoming aversion when buying is the strongest signal of your love and participation.

Imagine that you are giving your beloved an item that you like to buy, or something that you yourself would like, for example, a SLR camera. Of course, this is a wonderful gift, and I am sure that it will be received with a bang. But the problem is that it will be difficult for you to tell how much your efforts are explained by romantic feelings, and how much they correspond to your selfish desire to buy this particular gift. On the other hand, imagine that you hate both the process of buying and the object itself, but you still get it. Your actions are crystal clear and demonstrate that you are doing it out of deep love and affection for your beloved. That's why it's so important to buy what you don't like at a price you don't understand. This is a true sign of love and care.

So, this year, when you're buying jewelry or flowers for your dear friend, don't forget to remind her how hard it has been for you. And if you want to prepare for next year, you need to start your campaign by telling her how much you hate DSLRs and how painful and costly the process of buying such pointless goods seems to you.

When faced with the need to make a decision, we often see the world from an egocentric perspective. We are preoccupied with our own problems, our special motivations and momentary emotions. One way to look at a situation from a neutral, sane, and more objective position is to think about what advice you would give your loved one if they were in similar circumstances.

compliments

We love compliments and always begin to sympathize with those who give us them. Such data force us to completely reconsider the attitude to compliments. After all, nice words are worth nothing, the one who says them gets pleasure, the one who receives them feels special, and together they feel a strong connection with each other.

Like

The "like" button on Facebook is a way to express attitude towards other people, a subtle hint about what kind of post is good (and what is not good), and at the same time a hidden instruction on how we should or should not behave on the social network. Adding buttons like "dislike" or "hate" can change the way we think and set us in a negative mood. This will destroy the positive atmosphere of Facebook very quickly.

Diets and willpower

When we are not hungry and someone asks us how many sweets we intend to eat next month, we think that we will limit ourselves to one or two desserts. However, when we sit in a restaurant and see our favorite dish on the menu, we have very different thoughts about the importance of getting dessert right here and now. Looking at a triple portion of chocolate cake, we change our priorities. In behavioral economics, this is called shifting the focus to the present.

force of habit

Sticking to something familiar seems psychologically attractive. For example, a penchant for familiar things explains why we order familiar dishes and the same brand of ice cream. We could enjoy something new, but there is a chance to hate it. And considering psychological principle fear of loss (we experience any loss more than gaining something of equal value), the fear of unpleasant sensations clouds our mind, and we prefer not to take risks.

The less you know, the more you love

When a romantic relationship occurs, the lack of information about a person causes more feelings. Essentially, when we don't know a potential partner very well, our imagination readily fills in the gaps with positive expectations, but then we meet for coffee and hopes are dashed.

Current page: 1 (total book has 8 pages) [available reading excerpt: 2 pages]

Dan Ariely
Disappearing socks, New Year's resolutions and 97 more mysteries of life

Dan Ariely

On Missing Socks, Pickup Lines, and Other Existential Puzzles

Published with permission from Levine Greenberg Rostan Literary Agency and Synopsis Literary Agency

Legal support of the publishing house is provided by the law firm "Vegas-Lex"

* * *

This book is well complemented by:

Why are we wrong

Thinking traps in action

Joseph Hallinan

Positive irrationality

How to capitalize on your illogical actions

Dan Ariely

The whole truth about lies

Why and how we cheat

Dan Ariely

Dedicated to all the oddities, intricacies and beauty of human nature

Introduction

When I left the hospital, my scars, pain, and rather strange-looking medical devices and pressure bandages that covered me from head to toe remained with me, and the feeling of detachment from everyday life did not leave me. With the first steps back into a reality that I once took for granted, my perspective has extended to more mundane activities, such as how we shop, drive, volunteer, socialize with colleagues, take risks, struggle, we do stupid things. And, of course, I could not help but notice the intricate intricacies of love relationships.

Leaving aside my ability to rationalize, is there anything else that makes my advice valuable, accurate, or useful? You be the judge.

Irrationally yours, Dan Ariely

Scale of commitment

Dear Dan,

every year as Christmas approaches, I feel like I should send Christmas cards to everyone I know. And every year the number of postcards is growing and growing. It's getting out of control. Can I start sending postcards only to my real close friends?

On the art and pleasure of saying "no"

Dear Dan,

I recently got a promotion, and now I'm being pestered with all sorts of requests that have nothing to do with my immediate duties. I recognize that it is important to help employees and the company, but all this activity takes up too much of my time and does not allow me to do my own things. How can I best prioritize?

Francesca

This is a very common problem, and I would like to suggest three simple tools for better prioritization.

Dissatisfaction with innovation

Dear Dan,

I am a longtime client of Netflix. 1
Netflix is an American company that provides films and series based on streaming media. IN last years the company began its own production of television series, which are available only to its customers. Note. transl.
She recently withdrew about eighteen hundred films from circulation, and added only a few, though very good ones. I know that I would most likely never watch any of these seized films, but I'm still disappointed and I'm considering giving up the company's services. What made me so upset?

About diet

Dear Dan,

this is probably a common problem, since everyone has been on a diet at least once. My question is: why does the momentary pleasure we get from food outweigh the long-term benefits? And how can we tame our cravings for food and overeating?

About forgotten and forgiven debts

Dear Dan,

Many years ago, a friend of mine asked me to borrow a considerable amount of money. I was happy to help her then, but years have passed and she has never mentioned it. This event cast a shadow on our relationship. What should I do? Should I tell her about this?

Someone should certainly raise this issue, and given the asymmetry that has arisen, I think it's worth it for you to do so.

Now that we have concluded that the initiative belongs to you, the next question is what to say? If you need money, I would suggest something like, "A few years ago I was happy to lend you money, but I'm trying to sort out my bills for the next few weeks and I'd like to know when you'll repay." If at the moment you do not need these funds and want to give them to a friend, then you can, for example, say: “Somehow you asked me for money, and I just want to make sure that you understood that this was my gift.”

In any case, talking about this topic seems unpleasant at the moment, but in the long run, it can save your friendship.

On marriage and economic models

Dear Dan,

an economist friend of mine told me that marriage is like gambling, when someone bets half of everything they own that their partner will love them forever. Do you agree?

About social networks and social norms

Dear Dan,

what is the meaning of the like button on facebook? Why is there, for example, no “dislike” or “hate” button?

* * *

Dear Dan,

A few years ago I graduated from college. Since then, my social life has been limited to Facebook. And it doesn't please me at all.

Facebook has many great qualities, but I agree with you: it will not replace human face-to-face communication.

You probably had a busy social life in college, but you probably also got student loans. Now the social part is over and all that's left is debt. It's time to change the rules of the game: when you think again that no one really cares whether you are alive or dead, try to miss the repayment deadline a couple of times. And you immediately get a lot of attention.

About Kopi Luwak Coffee

Dear Dan,

On a recent trip to Los Angeles, I stopped at a coffee shop that offered a very expensive coffee called Kopi Luwak, or Civet Coffee. I was surprised at how expensive it was, and the barista described the special process of making coffee to me. An Indonesian cat-like animal, the civet, eats coffee beans, and people then pick the undigested berries, dry them, and roast them to produce the most unusual kind of coffee, considered more tender thanks to the journey the coffee beans have made. Its price reaches hundreds of dollars per pound. I was curious, but I did not dare to buy it or even try it. Can you explain why people are willing to pay huge sums of money for such coffee?

I think you made a mistake. You should have tried one cup, partly because the unique and unusual coffee still intrigued you, and partly because this story could be interesting for your own (and isn't a good story worth a few dollars?) In short, next time When you pass by a café serving Kopi Luwak, have a double espresso.

And finally, I wonder how much people would be willing to pay if the grains went not through the Indonesian little animal, but through the American man? In my opinion, despite the very interesting story and the amount of effort involved, this special cooking option is too cool for us.

About misfortunes and wedding rings

Dear Dan,

my future wife wants a ring with a two carat stone, but I would prefer to buy a simpler ring and spend the remaining money on a house, wedding, etc. An expensive ring is supported by most of her friends, and besides, she herself has long dreamed of it . What do you think of such absurd behaviour? Advise how to be.

First of all, there is a difference between absurd and difficult to understand behavior.