"Gogol's Works" - Name the terrible story "Viy". For radish. What was the name of Chichikov's brown harness horse? a) Chairman; b) Assessor; c) Deputy; d) minister. What is the name of Oksana's father in Gogol's story "The Night Before Christmas"? To whom did Gogol read the first chapters of his Dead Souls? To whom from the poem N.V. Gogol's "Dead Souls" belongs to a book that is always opened on the 14th page?
"Literature Inspector" - Khlestakov. So it is known: the house of Ivan Alexandrovich. Do you have a loan of money - four hundred rubles? Luka Lukich Khlopov. Gendarme. Very helpful and fussy. Just don't speak. Judge. Nikolai Vasilyevich Gogol's comedy The Government Inspector. The performance was a huge success.
"Gogol Portrait" - Such was the sentence pronounced by Alexander Ivanov on Gogol. Gogol excluded scenes of mystical, inexplicable appearances of the portrait and customers from the story. Group 2 worked on the topic “The theme of St. Petersburg in the story. Research assignments for students. Portrait! Creative tasks. Develop thinking skills by reading a work of art.
“The works of N.V. Gogol” - “The Night Before Christmas”. 1829 - 1835 - St. Petersburg project: "Evenings on a farm near Dikanka" (1831-1832) "Mirgorod" and "Arabesques" (1835). Information from the biography of Nikolai Vasilyevich Gogol. "Terrible revenge." Municipal educational institution average comprehensive school No. 5. Svetly, 2009.
“Lesson Gogol Overcoat” - What in the text of the story could prompt the artist to such an image of the city? My salary is a real trifle. What associations does the reader have with Bronze Horseman"? The history of the creation of the cycle "Petersburg Tales". 1. V.V. Gippius. N.V. Gogol - mothers, February 2, 1830 multimedia lesson
There is nothing to blame on the mirror if the face is crooked.
folk proverb
CHARACTERS
Anton Antonovich Skvoznik-Dmukhanovsky, mayor.
Anna Andreevna, his wife.
Maria Antonovna, his daughter.
Luka Lukich Khlopov, superintendent of schools.
his wife.
Ammos Fedorovich Lyapkin-Tyapkin, judge.
Artemy Filippovich Strawberry, trustee of charitable institutions.
Ivan Kuzmich Shpekin, postmaster.
Petr Ivanovich Dobchinsky, Petr Ivanovich Bobchinsky, urban landlords.
Ivan Alexandrovich Khlestakov, an official from St. Petersburg.
Osip, his servant.
Christian Ivanovich Gibner, county physician.
Fedor Andreevich Lyulyukov, Ivan Lazarevich Rastakovskiy, Stepan, Ivanovich Korobkin, retired officials, honorable people in the city.
Stepan Ilyich Ukhovertov, private bailiff.
Svistunov, Buttons, Derzhimorda, policemen.
Abdulin, merchant.
Fevronya Petrovna Poshlepkina, locksmith.
Non-commissioned officer's wife.
bear, servant of the mayor.
Servant of the tavern.
Guests and guests, merchants, petty bourgeois, petitioners.
CHARACTER AND COSTUMES
Notes for gentlemen actors
mayor, already aged in the service and a very intelligent person in his own way. Although he is a bribe-taker, he behaves very respectably; quite serious; somewhat even a reasoner; speaks neither loudly nor softly, neither more nor less. His every word is significant. His features are rough and hard, like those of anyone who has begun a hard service from the lower ranks. The transition from fear to joy, from baseness to arrogance is quite quick, like a person with a crudely developed inclination of the soul. He is dressed, as usual, in his uniform with buttonholes and boots with spurs. His hair is short, with grey.
Anna Andreevna, his wife, a provincial coquette, not yet quite old, brought up half on novels and albums, half on chores in her pantry and girl's. Very curious and on occasion shows vanity. Sometimes she takes power over her husband only because he does not find what to answer her; but this power extends only to trifles and consists in reprimands and ridicule. She changes into different dresses four times during the play.
Khlestakov, a young man of about twenty-three, thin, thin; somewhat stupid and, as they say, without a king in his head - one of those people who are called empty in the offices. He speaks and acts without any thought. He is unable to stop the constant focus on any thought. His speech is abrupt, and words fly out of his mouth quite unexpectedly. The more the person who plays this role shows sincerity and simplicity, the more he will benefit. Dressed in fashion.
Osip, a servant, such as servants of a few older years usually are. He speaks earnestly, looks down a little, is a reasoner, and likes to lecture himself for his master. His voice is always almost even, in conversation with the master it takes on a stern, abrupt and even somewhat rude expression. He is smarter than his master and therefore guesses more quickly, but he does not like to talk much and is a rogue in silence. His costume is a gray or blue shabby frock coat.
Bobchinsky And Dobchinsky, both short, short, very curious; extremely similar to each other; both with small bellies; both speak in a patter and help tremendously with gestures and hands. Dobchinsky is a little taller and more serious than Bobchinsky, but Bobchinsky is bolder and livelier than Dobchinsky.
Lyapkin-Tyapkin, a judge, a man who has read five or six books, and therefore somewhat freethinking. The hunter is great at guessing, and therefore he gives weight to his every word. The person representing him must always keep a significant mine in his face. He speaks in a bass with an oblong drawl, wheezing and glanders - like an old clock that hisses first and then strikes.
strawberries, the trustee of charitable institutions, a very fat, clumsy and clumsy person, but for all that he is a sly and a rogue. Very helpful and fussy.
Postmaster, a simple-minded person to the point of naivety.
Other roles do not require special explanation. Their originals are almost always in front of your eyes.
Gentlemen actors especially should pay attention to the last scene. The last spoken word should produce an electrical shock on everyone at once, all of a sudden. The whole group must change position in the blink of an eye. The sound of astonishment should break out from all women at once, as if from one breast. From non-observance of these remarks, the whole effect may disappear.
STEP ONE
A room in the mayor's house.
PHENOMENON I
Mayor, trustee of charitable institutions, superintendent of schools, judge, private bailiff, doctor, two quarterly.
mayor. I have invited you, gentlemen, in order to inform you of the unpleasant news: an auditor is coming to visit us.
Ammos Fedorovich. How is the auditor?
Artemy Filippovich. How is the auditor?
mayor. An auditor from Petersburg incognito. And with a secret order.
Ammos Fedorovich. Here are those on!
Artemy Filippovich. There was no concern, so give it up!
Luka Lukic. Lord God! even with a secret order!
mayor. I seemed to have a presentiment: all night long I dreamed of two extraordinary rats. Really, I've never seen anything like it: black, unnatural size! came, sniffed - and went away. Here I will read you a letter that I received from Andrey Ivanovich Chmykhov, whom you, Artemy Filippovich, know. Here is what he writes: “Dear friend, godfather and benefactor (mumbles in an undertone, quickly running his eyes) ... and notify you. A! Here: “I hasten, by the way, to notify you that an official has arrived with an order to inspect the entire province and especially our district (significantly raises a finger up). I learned this from the most reliable people, although he presents himself as a private individual. Since I know that you, like everyone else, have sins, because you are a smart person and do not like to miss what floats in your hands ... " (stopping), well, here are your own ... "then I advise you to take precautions, because he can arrive at any hour, unless he has already arrived and lives somewhere incognito ... Yesterday I ... "Well, then family matters began: "... sister Anna Kirilovna came to us with her husband; Ivan Kirilovich has become very fat and still plays the violin ... ”- and so on and so forth. So here is the circumstance!
Ammos Fedorovich. Yes, the circumstance is… extraordinary, simply extraordinary. Something out of the blue.
Luka Lukic. Why, Anton Antonovich, why is this? Why do we need an auditor?
mayor. For what! So, apparently, fate! (Sighing.) Until now, thanks be to God, they have been approaching other cities; Now it's our turn.
Ammos Fedorovich. I think, Anton Antonovich, that there is a subtle and more political reason. This means this: Russia… yes… wants to wage war, and the ministry, you see, sent an official to find out if there was treason somewhere.
mayor. Ek where enough! Another smart person! Treason in the county town! What is he, borderline, or what? Yes, from here, even if you ride for three years, you will not reach any state.
Ammos Fedorovich. No, I'll tell you, you're not the one ... you're not ... The authorities have subtle views: for nothing it's far away, but it shakes its mustache.
mayor. Winds or does not shake, but I warned you, gentlemen. Look, in my part I made some orders, I advise you too. Especially to you, Artemy Filippovich! Without a doubt, a passing official will want first of all to inspect the charitable institutions under your jurisdiction - and therefore you make sure that everything is decent: the caps are clean, and the sick do not look like blacksmiths, as they usually go about at home.
Artemy Filippovich. Well, that's nothing. Caps, perhaps, can be put on and clean.
mayor. Yes, and also write in Latin or some other language above each bed ... that’s your part, Khristian Ivanovich, - any illness: when someone falls ill, on what day and date ... It’s not good that your patients smoke such strong tobacco, that you always sneeze when you enter. Yes, and it would be better if there were fewer of them: they would immediately attribute them to bad looking or to the lack of skill of a doctor.
Artemy Filippovich. ABOUT! As for healing, Khristian Ivanovich and I took our measures: the closer to nature, all the better We don't use expensive drugs. A simple man: if he dies, he will die anyway; if he recovers, then he will recover. Yes, and it would be difficult for Khristian Ivanovich to communicate with them: he does not know a word of Russian.
Khristian Ivanovich makes a sound, partly similar to the letter And and a few on e.
mayor. I would also advise you, Ammos Fedorovich, to pay attention to government places. In your front hall, where petitioners usually go, the watchmen have brought domestic geese with little goslings, which dart around underfoot. It is, of course, commendable to anyone to start a household, and why shouldn’t I start a watchman? only, you know, it's indecent in such a place... I wanted to point this out to you before, but I somehow forgot everything.
Ammos Fedorovich. But today I will order them all to be taken to the kitchen. Would you like to come to dinner.
mayor. Besides, it's bad that you have all sorts of rubbish drying up in your very presence and a hunting rapnik just above the cupboard with papers. I know you love hunting, but it’s better to accept him for a while, and then, as soon as the inspector passes by, perhaps you can hang him again. Also, your assessor... he is, of course, a knowledgeable person, but he smells like he just left the distillery, this is also not good. I wanted to tell you about this for a long time, but I was, I don’t remember, entertained by something. There is against this remedy, if it really is, as he says, it has a natural smell: you can advise him to eat onions, or garlic, or something else. In this case, Christian Ivanovich can help with various medications.
Christian Ivanovich makes the same sound.
Ammos Fedorovich. No, it’s impossible to drive him out anymore: he says that his mother hurt him as a child, and since then he gives off a little vodka from him.
mayor. Yes, I just noticed that. As for the internal order and what Andrei Ivanovich calls in his letter sins, I can’t say anything. Yes, and it is strange to say: there is no person who would not have some sins behind him. It is already so arranged by God himself, and the Voltairians speak against it in vain.
Ammos Fedorovich. What do you think, Anton Antonovich, sins? Sins to sins - discord. I tell everyone openly that I take bribes, but why bribes? Greyhound puppies. This is a completely different matter.
mayor. Well, puppies or whatever - all bribes.
Ammos Fedorovich. No, Anton Antonovich. But, for example, if someone has a fur coat that costs five hundred rubles, and his wife has a shawl ...
mayor. Well, what if you take bribes with greyhound puppies? But you don't believe in God; you never go to church; but I, at least, am firm in the faith, and go to church every Sunday. And you... Oh, I know you: if you start talking about the creation of the world, your hair will just stand on end.
Ammos Fedorovich. Why, he came by himself, by his own mind.
mayor. Well, otherwise a lot of intelligence is worse than none at all. However, I only mentioned the county court in this way; and to tell the truth, it is unlikely that anyone will ever look there: it is such an enviable place, God himself patronizes it. And here you are, Luka Lukich, just as a caretaker educational institutions, you need to take care especially about teachers. They are people, of course, scientists and were brought up in different colleges, but they have very strange deeds, naturally inseparable from academic title. One of them, for example, this one, that has a fat face ... I don’t remember his last name, he can’t do without making a grimace when he ascends the pulpit, like that (makes a face) and then he will begin to iron his beard with his hand from under his tie. Of course, if he makes such a face to a student, then it’s still nothing: maybe it’s there and it’s needed so, I can’t judge about it; but you judge for yourself, if he does this to a visitor, it can be very bad: Mr. Inspector or anyone else who can take it personally. From this the devil knows what can happen.
Luka Lukic. What am I supposed to do with him? I've told him several times. Just the other day, when our leader came into the classroom, he cut a face like I've never seen before. He made it out of a good heart, and I reprimanded: why are free-thinking thoughts inspired in youth.
mayor. I must also remark to you about the teacher in the historical part. He scientific head- this is evident, and the darkness picked up information, but only explains with such fervor that he does not remember himself. I listened to him once: well, for now I was talking about the Assyrians and Babylonians - still nothing, but how I got to Alexander the Great, I can’t tell you what happened to him. I thought it was a fire, by golly! I ran away from the pulpit and that I have the strength to grab the chair on the floor. Of course, Alexander the Great is a hero, but why break the chairs? from this loss to the treasury.
Luka Lukic. Yes, he's hot! I already noticed this to him several times ... He says: "As you wish, for science, I will not spare my life."
mayor. Yes, such is the inexplicable law of fate: a smart person is either a drunkard, or he will make such a face that at least endure the saints.
Luka Lukic. God forbid to serve in the scientific part! You are afraid of everything: everyone gets in the way, everyone wants to show that he is also an intelligent person.
mayor. That would be nothing - damn incognito! Suddenly he looks: “Ah, you are here, my dear! And who, say, is the judge here? - Lyapkin-Tyapkin. - “And bring Lyapkin-Tyapkin here! And who is the trustee of charitable institutions? - "Strawberry". - “And bring Strawberries here!” That's what's bad!
There is nothing to blame on the mirror,
when the face is crooked.
Popular proverb.
Characters
| Anton Antonovich Skvoznik-Dmukhanovsky, mayor. |
| Anna Andreevna, his wife. |
| Marya Antonovna, his daughter. |
| Luka Lukich Khlopov, superintendent of schools. |
| His wife. |
| Ammos Fedorovich Lyapkin-Tyapkin, judge. |
| Artemy Filippovich Strawberry, trustee of charitable institutions. |
| Ivan Kuzmich Shpekin, postmaster. |
Characters and costumes
Notes for gentlemen actors
Mayor, already aged in the service and a very intelligent person in his own way. Although he is a bribe-taker, he behaves very respectably; quite serious; somewhat even a reasoner; speaks neither loudly nor softly, neither more nor less. His every word is significant. His features are rough and hard, like those of anyone who has begun his service from the lower ranks. The transition from fear to joy, from rudeness to arrogance is quite quick, like a person with a roughly developed inclination of the soul. He is dressed, as usual, in his uniform with buttonholes and boots with spurs. His hair is short, with grey.
Anna Andreevna, his wife, a provincial coquette, not yet quite old, brought up half on novels and albums, half on chores in her pantry and girl's. Very curious and on occasion shows vanity. Sometimes she takes power over her husband only because he does not find what to answer her; but this power extends only to trifles and consists only in reprimands and ridicule. She changes into different dresses four times throughout the play.
Khlestakov, a young man of about twenty-three, thin, thin; somewhat stupid and, as they say, without a king in his head - one of those people who are called empty in the offices. He speaks and acts without any thought. He is unable to stop the constant focus on any thought. His speech is abrupt, and words fly out of his mouth quite unexpectedly. The more the person who plays this role shows sincerity and simplicity, the more he will benefit. Dressed in fashion.
Osip, the servant, is the way servants of a few older years usually are. He speaks earnestly, looks down a little, is a reasoner, and likes to lecture himself for his master. His voice is always almost even, in conversation with the master it takes on a stern, abrupt and even somewhat rude expression. He is smarter than his master and therefore guesses more quickly, but he does not like to talk much and is a rogue in silence. His costume is a gray or blue shabby frock coat.
Bobchinsky and Dobchinsky, both short, short, very curious; extremely similar to each other; both with small bellies; both speak in a patter and help tremendously with gestures and hands. Dobchinsky is a little taller and more serious than Bobchinsky, but Bobchinsky is bolder and livelier than Dobchinsky.
Lyapkin-Tyapkin, a judge, a man who has read five or six books and is therefore somewhat freethinking. The hunter is great at guessing, and therefore he gives weight to his every word. The person representing him must always keep a significant mine in his face. He speaks in a bass with an oblong drawl, wheezing and glanders - like an old clock that hisses first and then strikes.
Strawberry, the trustee of charitable institutions, is a very fat, clumsy and clumsy person, but for all that he is a sly and a rogue. Very helpful and fussy.
Postmaster, a simple-minded person to the point of naivety.
Other roles do not require special explanation. Their originals are almost always in front of your eyes.
Gentlemen actors especially should pay attention to the last scene. The last spoken word should produce an electrical shock on everyone at once, all of a sudden. The whole group must change position in the blink of an eye. The sound of astonishment should break out from all women at once, as if from one breast. From non-observance of these remarks, the whole effect may disappear.
The mayor in the county town is the hero of the famous comedy N.V. Gogol's "Inspector General", one of the colorful representatives of the work.
His name is Anton Antonovich Skvoznik Dmukhanovsky, he is over 50 years old, most of which he gave to the service.
At the beginning of the comedy, he informs the city that the auditor is coming to them, thus causing a general panic.
It belongs to him famous phrase"The inspector is coming to us."
Characteristics of the hero
Anton Antonovich is a local mayor, he manages all affairs in the city, has great authority among the locals. Thanks to his managerial qualities and a special outlook on life, devastation and chaos reign in the city. The unfinished church, the mess, all this is the work of our hero.
He is a representative of a greedy, thieving bureaucracy who will always find a benefit for himself. Despite his position, he is afraid of people who are higher than him in rank or career ladder. Has a difficult personality.
Anton Antonovich loves money very much. He never abandons a business if he knows that it will bring benefits and material benefits for him. The mayor takes bribes, he is not ashamed of it.
As for his social position, in his environment he is considered an intelligent and noble person who is worth listening to. He has weight in society and it is customary to reckon with his word.
Periodically, the mayor goes to church and tries to atone for his sins, sincerely believing that after visiting the church he becomes pure in soul. The hero feels in the depths of his soul that he is behaving incorrectly, but he cannot and does not want to change anything.
(Marya - daughter and Anna Andreevna - wife of Gorodnichiy)
Anton Antonovich has speaking surname Skvoznik Dmukhanovsky. He steals so much that he is afraid even of his own shadow. But, despite all the negative features, he is an excellent organizer and speaker. Despite the fact that the mayor came from a simple family, he managed to achieve a fairly high position in society.
The image of the hero in the work
The hero personifies human vices - greed, stinginess, love of money, collected in a single character. Gogol described the nature and appearance of his character in great detail, writing notes for the actors:
“... The mayor, already aged in the service and a very intelligent person in his own way. Although he is a bribe-taker, he behaves very respectably; quite serious;
somewhat even a reasoner; speaks neither loudly nor softly, neither more nor less.
His every word is significant. His features are rough and hard, like those of anyone who has begun a hard service from the lower ranks.
The transition from fear to joy, from baseness to arrogance is quite quick, like a person with a crudely developed inclination of the soul. He is dressed, as usual, in his uniform with buttonholes and boots with spurs. His hair is cropped, with gray hair ... "
(The central plot of the comedy: "The mayor announces the arrival of the auditor", Artist A.I. Konstantinovsky)
Anton Antonovich Skvoznik-Dmukhanovsky, mayor.
Anna Andreevna, his wife.
Marya Antonovna, his daughter.
Luka Lukich Khlopov, superintendent of schools.
His wife.
Ammos Fedorovich Lyapkin-Tyapkin, judge.
Artemy Filippovich Strawberry, trustee of charitable institutions.
Ivan Kuzmich Shpekin, postmaster.
Pyotr Ivanovich Dobchinsky and Pyotr Ivanovich Bobchinsky are city landowners.
Ivan Alexandrovich Khlestakov, an official from St. Petersburg.
Osip, his servant.
Christian Ivanovich Gibner, district physician.
Fedor Andreevich Lyulyukov, Ivan Lazarevich Rastakovskiy,
Stepan Ivanovich Korobkin - retired officials, honorary persons in the city.
Stepan Ilyich Ukhovertov, private bailiff.
Svistunov, Pugovitsyn, Derzhimorda are policemen.
Abdulin, merchant.
Fevronya Petrovna Poshlepkina, locksmith.
Non-commissioned officer's wife.
Mishka, servant of the mayor.
Servant of the tavern.
Guests and guests, merchants, petty bourgeois, petitioners.
CHARACTER AND COSTUMES.
NOTES FOR gg. ACTORS.
mayor, already aged in the service and not very stupid, in his own way, a person. Although he is a bribe-taker, he behaves very respectably; quite serious; somewhat even a reasoner; speaks neither loudly nor softly, neither more nor less. His every word is significant. His features are rough and hard, like those of anyone who has begun a hard service from the lower ranks. The transition from fear to joy, from baseness to arrogance is quite quick, like a person with a crudely developed inclination of the soul. He is dressed as usual in his uniform with buttonholes and jackboots with spurs. His hair is cropped with grey.
Anna Andreevna, his wife, a provincial coquette, not yet quite old, brought up half on novels and albums, half on chores in her pantry and girl's. Very curious and on occasion shows vanity. Sometimes she takes power over her husband, only because he is not able to answer her. But this power extends only to trifles and consists in reprimands and ridicule. She changes into different dresses four times during the play.
Khlestakov, young man, 23 years old, thin, thin; somewhat stupid and, as they say, without a king in his head. One of those people who are called empty in the offices. He speaks and acts without any thought. He is unable to stop the constant focus on any thought. His speech is abrupt, and words fly out of his mouth quite unexpectedly. The more the person who plays this role shows sincerity and simplicity, the more he will benefit. Dressed in fashion.
Osip, a servant, such as servants of a few older years usually are. He speaks seriously; looks down somewhat, is a reasoner, and likes to lecture himself for his master. His voice is always almost even, in conversation with the master it takes on a stern, abrupt and even somewhat rude expression. He is smarter than his master and therefore guesses more quickly, but does not like to talk much, and silently is a rogue. His suit is a gray or blue shabby frock coat.
Bobchinsky and Dobchinsky, both short, short, very curious; extremely similar to each other. Both have small bellies. Both speak in a patter and are extremely helpful with gestures and hands. Dobchinsky is a little taller, more serious than Bobchinsky, but Bobchinsky is bolder and livelier than Dobchinsky.
Lyapkin-Tyapkin, a judge, a man who has read five or six books, and therefore somewhat freethinking. The hunter is great at guessing and therefore gives weight to his every word. The person representing him must always keep a significant mine in his face. He speaks in a bass with an oblong drawl, wheezing and glanders, like an old clock that hisses first and then strikes.
strawberries, trustee of charitable institutions, a very fat, clumsy and awkward person; but with all that, a sneak and a rogue. Very helpful and fussy.
Postmaster, a simple-minded person to the point of naivety.
Other roles do not require special explanation. Their originals are almost always in front of your eyes.
Gentlemen actors should especially pay attention to last scene. The last spoken word should produce an electrical shock on everyone at once, all of a sudden. The whole group must change position in the blink of an eye. The sound of astonishment should escape from all women at once, as if from one breast. From non-observance of these remarks, the whole effect may disappear.
STEP ONE
Room in the mayor's house
Phenomenon I
Mayor, trustee of charitable institutions, superintendent of schools, judge, private bailiff, doctor, two quarterly.
Mayor. I have invited you, gentlemen, in order to tell you the unpleasant news: an auditor is coming to visit us.
Ammos Fedorovich. How is the auditor?
Artemy Filippovich. How is the auditor?
Mayor. An auditor from St. Petersburg, incognito. And with a secret order.
Ammos Fedorovich. Here are those on!
Artemy Filippovich. There was no concern, so give it up!
Luka Lukic. Lord God! even with a secret order!
Mayor. I seemed to have a presentiment: all night long I dreamed of two extraordinary rats. Really, I've never seen anything like it: black, unnatural size! came, sniffed - and went away. Here I will read you a letter that I received from Andrey Ivanovich Chmykhov, whom you, Artemy Filippovich, know. Here is what he writes: "Dear friend, godfather and benefactor (mutters in an undertone, running quickly through his eyes) ... and notify you." A! Here: “I hasten, by the way, to notify you that an official has arrived with an order to inspect the entire province and especially our district (significantly raises his finger up). I learned this from the most reliable people, although he represents himself as a private person. that you, like everyone else, are guilty of sins, because you are a smart person and do not like to miss what floats in your hands ... "(stopping), well, here are your own ... "then I advise you to take precautions, because he he can come at any hour, unless he has already arrived and does not live somewhere incognito ... Yesterday I ... " Well, then family matters began: "... sister Anna Kirillovna came to us with her husband; Ivan Kirillovich has become very fat and still plays the violin ... "- and so on and so forth. So here is the circumstance!
Ammos Fedorovich. Yes, the circumstance is... extraordinary, simply extraordinary. Something out of the blue.
Luka Lukic. Why, Anton Antonovich, why is this? Why do we need an auditor?
Mayor. For what! So, apparently, fate! (Sighing.) So far, thank God, we have been approaching other cities; Now it's our turn.
Ammos Fedorovich. I think, Anton Antonovich, that there is a subtle and more political reason. This means this: Russia ... yes ... wants to wage war, and the ministry, you see, sent an official to find out if there was treason somewhere.
Mayor. Ek where enough! Another smart person! Treason in the county town! What is he, borderline, or what? Yes, from here, even if you ride for three years, you will not reach any state.
Ammos Fedorovich. No, I'll tell you, you're not the right one ... you're not ... The authorities have subtle views: for nothing it's far away, but it winds its mustache.
Mayor. Winds or does not shake, but I warned you, gentlemen. Look, in my part I made some orders, I advise you. Especially to you, Artemy Filippovich! Without a doubt, a passing official will want first of all to inspect the charitable institutions under your jurisdiction - and therefore you make sure that everything is decent: the caps are clean, and the sick do not look like blacksmiths, as they usually go about at home.
Artemy Filippovich. Well, that's nothing. Caps, perhaps, can be put on and clean.
Mayor. Yes, and also inscribe in Latin or in another language above each bed ... This is already in your line, Christian Ivanovich, - any illness: when someone fell ill, on what day and date ... It’s not good that you have such strong tobacco smoke that you always sneeze when you enter. Yes, and it would be better if there were fewer of them: they would immediately attribute them to bad looking or lack of skill in a doctor.
Artemy Filippovich. ABOUT! As for healing, Christian Ivanovich and I took our measures: the closer to nature, the better, we do not use expensive medicines. A simple man: if he dies, he will die anyway; if he recovers, then he will recover. Yes, and it would be difficult for Khristian Ivanovich to communicate with them: he does not know a word of Russian.
Khristian Ivanovich makes a sound, partly similar to the letter and and somewhat to e.
Mayor. I would also advise you, Ammos Fedorovich, to pay attention to government places. In your front hall, where petitioners usually go, the watchmen have brought domestic geese with little goslings, which dart around underfoot. It is, of course, commendable to anyone to start a household, and why shouldn’t I start a watchman? only, you know, it's indecent in such a place... I wanted to point this out to you before, but somehow I forgot everything.
Ammos Fedorovich. But today I will order them all to be taken to the kitchen. Would you like to come to dinner.
Mayor. Besides, it's bad that you have all sorts of rubbish drying up in your very presence and a hunting rapnik just above the cupboard with papers. I know you love hunting, but it’s better to accept him for a while, and then, as soon as the inspector passes by, perhaps you can hang him again. Also, your assessor ... he is, of course, a knowledgeable person, but he smells like he just left the distillery - this is also not good. I wanted to tell you about this for a long time, but I was, I don’t remember, entertained by something. There is something against this remedy, if it is already real, as he says, it has a natural smell: you can advise him to eat onions, or garlic, or something else. In this case, Christian Ivanovich can help with various medications.
Christian Ivanovich makes the same sound.
Ammos Fedorovich. No, it’s impossible to drive him out anymore: he says that his mother hurt him as a child, and since then he gives off a little vodka from him.
Mayor. Yes, I just noticed that. As for the internal order and what Andrei Ivanovich calls in his letter sins, I can’t say anything. Yes, and it is strange to say: there is no person who would not have some sins behind him. It is already so arranged by God himself, and the Voltairians speak against it in vain.
Ammos Fedorovich. What do you think, Anton Antonovich, sins? Sins to sins - discord. I tell everyone openly that I take bribes, but why bribes? Greyhound puppies. This is a completely different matter.
Mayor. Well, puppies, or whatever - all bribes.
Ammos Fedorovich. No, Anton Antonovich. But, for example, if someone has a fur coat that costs five hundred rubles, and his wife has a shawl ...
Mayor. Well, what if you take bribes with greyhound puppies? But you don't believe in God; you never go to church; but I, at least, am firm in the faith, and go to church every Sunday. And you... Oh, I know you: if you start talking about the creation of the world, your hair will just stand on end.
Ammos Fedorovich. Why, he came by himself, by his own mind.
Mayor. Well, otherwise a lot of intelligence is worse than none at all. However, I only mentioned the county court in this way; and to tell the truth, hardly anyone will ever look there; this is such an enviable place, God himself patronizes it. But you, Luka Lukich, as superintendent of educational institutions, need to take special care about teachers. They are people, of course, scientists and were brought up in different colleges, but they have very strange actions, naturally inseparable from the academic title. One of them, for example, this one with a fat face ... I don’t remember his last name, he can’t do without having ascended the pulpit and not make a grimace, like this (makes a grimace), and then he starts with his hand iron your beard under your tie. Of course, if a student makes such a face, then it is still nothing: maybe it is there and it is needed so, I cannot judge about this; but you judge for yourself, if he does this to a visitor, it can be very bad: Mr. Inspector or anyone else who can take it personally. From this the devil knows what can happen.
Luka Lukic. What am I supposed to do with him? I've told him several times. Just the other day, when our leader came into the classroom, he cut a face like I've never seen before. He made it out of a good heart, and I reprimanded: why are free-thinking thoughts inspired in youth.
Mayor. I must also remark to you about the teacher in the historical part. He is a learned head - this is evident, and he has picked up a lot of information, but he only explains with such fervor that he does not remember himself. I once listened to him: well, for the time being I talked about the Assyrians and Babylonians - still nothing, but how I got to Alexander the Great, I can’t tell you what happened to him. I thought it was a fire, by golly! He ran away from the pulpit and that there is strength to grab the chair on the floor. Of course, Alexander the Great is a hero, but why break the chairs? from this loss to the treasury.
Luka Lukic. Yes, he's hot! I already noticed this to him several times .. He says: "As you wish, for science, I will not spare my life."
Mayor. Yes, such is the already inexplicable law of fate: a smart person is either a drunkard, or he will build such a face that at least endure the saints.
Luka Lukic. God forbid to serve in the scientific part! You are afraid of everything: everyone gets in the way, everyone wants to show that he is also an intelligent person.
Mayor. That would be nothing - damn incognito! Suddenly he looks: "Ah, you are here, my dears! And who, you say, is the judge here?" - Lyapkin-Tyapkin. - "And bring Lyapkin-Tyapkin here! And who is the trustee of charitable institutions?" - "Strawberry". "And bring Strawberries here!" That's what's bad!
Phenomenon II
The same postmaster.
Postmaster. Explain, gentlemen, what official is coming?
Mayor. Haven't you heard?
Postmaster. I heard from Petr Ivanovich Bobchinsky. I just had it at the post office.
Mayor. Well? How do you think about it?
Postmaster. What do I think? there will be a war with the Turks.
Ammos Fedorovich. In one word! I myself thought the same.
Mayor. Yes, they both hit the sky with their fingers!
Postmaster. Right, the war with the Turks. It's all French crap.
Mayor. What a war with the Turks! It will just be bad for us, not for the Turks. This is already known: I have a letter.
Postmaster. And if so, there will be no war with the Turks.
Mayor. Well, how are you, Ivan Kuzmich?
Postmaster. What am I? How are you, Anton Antonovich?
Mayor. What am I? There is no fear, but just a little... Merchants and citizenship confuse me. They say that I was salty to them, but I, by God, if I took it from someone else, then, right, without any hatred. I even think (takes him by the arm and takes him aside), I even think if there was some kind of denunciation against me. Why do we really need an auditor? Listen, Ivan Kuzmich, can you, for our common benefit, every letter that arrives at your post office, incoming and outgoing, you know, sort of print it out a little and read: whether it contains some kind of report or just correspondence. If not, then you can seal it again; however, you can even give a letter printed out like that.
Postmaster. I know, I know... Don't teach this, I do it not so much as a precaution, but more out of curiosity: I love death to know what's new in the world. I can tell you that this is an interesting read. You will read another letter with pleasure - different passages are described in this way ... and what edification ... better than in Moskovskie Vedomosti!
Mayor. Well, tell me, have you read anything about some official from St. Petersburg?
Postmaster. No, there is nothing about St. Petersburg, but much is said about Kostroma and Saratov. It is a pity, however, that you do not read letters: there are wonderful places. Just recently, a lieutenant wrote to a friend and described the ball in the most playful ... very, very well: "My life, dear friend, flows, speaks in empyrean: there are many young ladies, music plays, the standard jumps ..." - with a large, described with great feeling. I left it on purpose. Do you want me to read?
Mayor. Well, it's not up to that now. So, do me a favor, Ivan Kuzmich: if a complaint or a report comes across by chance, then detain without any reasoning.
Postmaster. With great pleasure.
Ammos Fedorovich. See if you ever get it for it.
Postmaster. Ah, fathers!
Mayor. Nothing, nothing. It would be another matter if you made something public out of it, but this is a family affair.
Ammos Fedorovich. Yes, something bad has happened! And I, I confess, was going to you, Anton Antonovich, in order to regale you with a little dog. Sister to the male you know. After all, you heard that Cheptovich and Varkhovinsky started a lawsuit, and now I have the luxury of baiting hares on the lands of both.
Mayor. Fathers, your hares are not dear to me now: I have a cursed incognito sitting in my head. So you wait for the door to open and - sha...
Phenomenon III
The same ones, Bobchinsky and Dobchinsky, both enter out of breath.
Bobchinsky. Emergency!
Dobchinsky. Unexpected news!
All. What, what is it?
Dobchinsky. Unforeseen business: we arrive at the hotel ...
Bobchinsky(interrupting). We arrive with Pyotr Ivanovich at the hotel ...
Dobchinsky(interrupting). Eh, allow me, Pyotr Ivanovich, I'll tell you.
Bobchinsky. Eh, no, let me... let me, let me... you don't even have such a style...
Dobchinsky. And you will go astray and do not remember everything.
Bobchinsky. I remember, by God, I remember. Don't interfere, let me tell you, don't interfere! Tell me, gentlemen, do me a favor so that Pyotr Ivanovich does not interfere.
Mayor. Yes, for God's sake, what is it? My heart is out of place. Sit down, gentlemen! Take the chairs! Pyotr Ivanovich, here's a chair for you.
Everyone sits down around both Petrov Ivanovichs.
Well, what, what is it?
Bobchinsky. Let me, let me: I'm all right. As soon as I had the pleasure of leaving you, after you deigned to be embarrassed by the letter you received, yes, sir, I ran in at the same time ... please don’t interrupt, Pyotr Ivanovich! I know everything, everything, everything, sir. So, if you please, I ran to Korobkin. And not finding Korobkin at home, he turned to Rastakovsky, and not having found Rastakovsky, he went to Ivan Kuzmich to tell him the news you received, yes, going from there, I met with Pyotr Ivanovich ...
Dobchinsky(interrupting). Near the booth where pies are sold.
Bobchinsky. Near the booth where pies are sold. Yes, having met with Pyotr Ivanovich, and I say to him: "Have you heard about the news that Anton Antonovich received from a reliable letter?" But Pyotr Ivanovich already heard about this from your housekeeper Avdotya, who, I don’t know, was sent to Philip Antonovich Pochechuev for something.
Dobchinsky(interrupting). Behind the barrel for French vodka.
Bobchinsky(pulling his hands away). Behind the barrel for French vodka. So we went with Pyotr Ivanovich to Pochechuev ... You, Pyotr Ivanovich ... this ... do not interrupt, please do not interrupt! .. Let's go to Pochechuev, but on the road Pyotr Ivanovich says: , to the tavern. In my stomach ... I haven’t eaten anything since morning, so the stomach tremors ... "Yes, sir, in Pyotr Ivanovich's stomach ... "But, he says, they brought to the tavern now fresh salmon, so we will have a snack. We had just arrived at the hotel, when suddenly a young man...
Dobchinsky(interrupting). Good-looking, in particular dress...
Bobchinsky. Not bad-looking, in a particular dress, he walks around the room like that, and in his face there is a sort of reasoning ... physiognomy ... actions, and here (wiggles his hand near his forehead) there is a lot, a lot of things. It was as if I had a presentiment and I say to Pyotr Ivanovich: "There is something here for a reason, sir." Yes. But Pyotr Ivanovich already blinked his finger and called the innkeeper, sir, the innkeeper Vlas: his wife gave birth to him three weeks ago, and such a smart boy, like his father, will keep the inn. Having called Vlas, Pyotr Ivanovich and ask him quietly: "Who, he says, is this young man?" - and Vlas answers this: "This", - he says ... Eh, do not interrupt, Pyotr Ivanovich, please do not interrupt; you won't tell, by God you won't tell: you whisper; you, I know, have one tooth in your mouth with a whistle ... "This, he says, is a young man, an official, - yes, - traveling from Petersburg, and by name, he says, Ivan Alexandrovich Khlestakov, sir, but he is going he says, to the Saratov province and, he says, he certifies himself in a strange way: he lives for another week, does not go from the tavern, takes everything to the account and does not want to pay a penny. As he told me this, and so I was enlightened from above. "Eh!" I say to Pyotr Ivanovich...
Dobchinsky No, Pyotr Ivanovich, it was I who said: "Eh!"
Bobchinsky. First you said, and then I said. "Eh!" said Pyotr Ivanovich and I. "And why should he sit here when the road to him lies in the Saratov province?" Yes, sir. But he is the official.
Mayor. Who, what official?
Bobchinsky. The official, about whom they deigned to receive a notification, is the auditor.
mayor(in fear). What are you, the Lord be with you! It's not him.
Dobchinsky. He! and does not pay money and does not go. Who would be if not him? And the road trip is registered in Saratov.
Bobchinsky. He, he, by golly, he ... So observant: he looked at everything. I saw that Pyotr Ivanovich and I were eating salmon - more because Pyotr Ivanovich about his stomach ... yes, that's how he looked into our plates. I was so terrified.
Mayor. Lord, have mercy on us sinners! Where does he live there?
Dobchinsky. In the fifth room, under the stairs.
Bobchinsky. In the same room where visiting officers fought last year.
Mayor. And how long has he been here?
Dobchinsky. And two weeks already. Came to Basil the Egyptian.
Mayor. Two weeks! (Aside.) Fathers, matchmakers! Take it out, saints! In these two weeks, a non-commissioned officer's wife was whipped! The prisoners were not given provisions! There is a tavern on the streets, uncleanness! A shame! vilification! (Grabs his head.)
Artemy Filippovich. Well, Anton Antonovich? - to go by parade to the hotel.
Ammos Fedorovich. No no! Let your head go forward, the clergy, the merchants; in the Acts of John Mason...
Mayor. No no; let me myself. There were difficult cases in life, went, and even received thanks. Perhaps God will endure even now. (Turning to Bobchinsky.) You say he is a young man?
Bobchinsky. Young, about twenty-three or four years old.
Mayor. So much the better: you'll sniff out the young sooner. The trouble is, if the old devil, and the young one is all at the top. You, gentlemen, get ready for your part, and I will go myself, or at least with Pyotr Ivanovich, privately, for a walk, to see if the passing people are in trouble. Hey Svistunov!
Svistunov. Anything?
Mayor. Go now for a private bailiff; or not, I need you. Tell someone there to get a private bailiff to me as soon as possible, and come here.
The quarterly runs in a hurry.
Artemy Filippovich. Let's go, let's go, Ammos Fedorovich! In fact, trouble can happen.
Ammos Fedorovich. What are you afraid of? He put clean caps on the sick, and the ends were in the water.
Artemy Filippovich. What hats! The sick are ordered to give habersup, but I have such cabbage in all the corridors that you only take care of your nose.
Ammos Fedorovich. And I am at peace with this. In fact, who will go to the county court? And if he looks into some paper, he will not be happy with life. I have been sitting on the judge's chair for fifteen years now, and when I look at the memorandum - ah! I just wave my hand. Solomon himself will not decide what is true and what is not true in it.
The judge, the trustee of charitable institutions, the superintendent of schools and the postmaster leave and at the door they encounter the returning quarter.
Event IV
Gorodnichiy, Bobchinsky, Dobchinsky and quarterly.
Mayor. What, the droshky are there?
Quarterly. Are standing.
Mayor. Go outside... or don't, wait! Go fetch... Where are the others? are you the only one? After all, I ordered that Prokhorov be here too. Where is Prokhorov?
Quarterly. Prokhorov is in a private house, but he cannot be used for business.
Mayor. How so?
Quarterly. Yes, they brought him dead in the morning. Already two tubs of water have been poured out, I still have not sobered up.
mayor(grabbing his head). Oh my God, my God! Hurry up to the street, or not - run first to the room, hear! and fetch a sword and a new hat from there. Well, Pyotr Ivanovich, let's go!
Bobchinsky. And I, and I ... let me, Anton Antonovich!
Mayor. No, no, Pyotr Ivanovich, you can't, you can't! It’s embarrassing, and we won’t fit on the droshky.
Bobchinsky. Nothing, nothing, I’m like this: like a cockerel, like a cockerel, I’ll run after the droshky. I would just like to see a little in the crack, in the door, to see how these actions are with him ...
mayor(taking the sword, to the quarterly). Run now, take the tenths, and let each of them take ... Oh, how scratched the sword! Damned merchant Abdulin - sees that the mayor has an old sword, did not send a new one. Oh foolish people! And so, scammers, I think, they are already preparing requests from under the floor. Let everyone pick up the street ... damn it, down the street - a broom! and swept the whole street that goes to the tavern, and swept clean ... Do you hear! Look, you! You! I know you: you're messing around and stealing silver spoons into your boots—look, I've got an open ear!.. What did you do with the merchant Chernyaev—eh? He gave you two arshins of cloth for your uniform, and you pulled off the whole thing. Look! you do not take it according to order! Go!
Mayor. Ah, Stepan Ilyich! Tell me, for God's sake: where did you disappear to? What does it look like?
Private bailiff. I was right here outside the gate.
Mayor. Well, listen, Stepan Ilyich. An official came from Petersburg. How did you manage there?
Private bailiff. Yes, just as you ordered. I sent the quarterly Buttons with tenths to clean the sidewalk.
Mayor. Where is Derzhimorda?
Private bailiff. Derzhimorda rode the fire pipe.
Mayor. Is Prokhorov drunk?
Private bailiff. Drunk.
Mayor. How did you allow this?
Private bailiff. Yes, God knows. Yesterday there was a fight outside the city - I went there for order, and returned drunk.
Mayor. Listen, you do this: quarterly Buttons ... he is tall, so let him stand on the bridge for landscaping. Yes, hastily sweep out the old fence that is near the shoemaker, and put up a straw milestone so that it looks like planning. The more it breaks, the more it means the activities of the mayor. Oh my god! I forgot that there were forty cartloads of rubbish piled up next to that fence. What a nasty city this is! just put up some kind of monument somewhere or just a fence - the devil knows where they come from and they will inflict all sorts of rubbish! (Sighs.) Yes, if a visiting official asks the service: are you satisfied? - to say: "Everything is satisfied, your honor"; and whoever is dissatisfied, then after the ladies of such displeasure ... Oh, oh, ho, ho, x! sinful, in many ways sinful. (He takes a case instead of a hat.) God only grant that he gets away with it as soon as possible, and there I will put a candle like no one else has put: I will charge every merchant’s beast to deliver three poods of wax. Oh my god, my god! Let's go, Pyotr Ivanovich! (Instead of a hat, he wants to put on a paper case.)
Private bailiff. Anton Antonovich, this is a box, not a hat.
mayor(throwing the box). A box is a box. Damn her! Yes, if they ask why the church was not built at a charitable institution, for which a sum was allocated a year ago, then do not forget to say that it began to be built, but burned down. I submitted a report on this. And then, perhaps, someone, having forgotten, will foolishly say that it never even started. Yes, tell Derzhimorda not to give free rein to his fists; for the sake of order, he puts lanterns under the eyes of everyone - both the right one and the guilty one. Let's go, let's go, Pyotr Ivanovich! (Leaves and returns.) Yes, do not let the soldiers out into the street without anything: this crappy garrison will put on only a uniform over their shirts, and there is nothing below.
Everyone leaves.
Event VI
Anna Andreevna and Marya Antonovna run onto the stage.
Anna Andreevna. Where, where are they? Oh, my God! .. (Opening the door.) Husband! Antosha! Anton! (Speaks soon.) And all of you, and all behind you. And she went to dig: "I'm a pin, I'm a scarf." (Running to the window and shouting.) Anton, where, where? What, arrived? auditor? with a mustache! what mustache?
The mayor's voice. After, after, mother!
Anna Andreevna. After? Here's the news - after! I don't want to after... I only have one word: what is he, Colonel? A? (With disdain.) Gone! I will remember this! And all this: "Mommy, mommy, wait a minute, I'll pin a scarf on the back; I'm right now." Here you are now! You didn't know anything! And all the damned coquetry; I heard that the postmaster is here, and let's pretend before the mirror: both from that side and from this side it will do. He imagines that he is dragging after her, and he just makes a grimace at you when you turn away.
Maria Antonovna. But what to do, mother? We'll find out in two hours anyway.
Anna Andreevna. In two hours! thank you very much. Here is the answer! How did you not guess to say that in a month you can find out even better! (He hangs out the window.) Hey, Avdotya! A? What, Avdotya, did you hear, someone came there? .. Didn't you hear? What a stupid! Waving his hands? Let him wave, and you would still ask him. Couldn't find out! There is nonsense in my head, all the suitors are sitting. A? They left soon! Yes, you would run after the droshky. Get on, get on now! Do you hear, run and ask where we went; Yes, ask carefully what kind of visitor, what he is - do you hear? Peep through the crack and find out everything, and what kind of eyes: black or not, and go back this very minute, do you hear? Hurry, Hurry, Hurry, Hurry! (Screams until the curtain falls. So the curtain closes both of them, standing at the window.)
ACT TWO
Small room in a hotel. Bed, table, suitcase, empty bottle, boots, clothes brush, etc.
Phenomenon I
Osip lies on the master's bed.
Damn it, I want to eat so much and there is such a rattling in my stomach, as if a whole regiment blew their trumpets. Here we will not reach, and only, home! What will you order to do? The second month went, as already from St. Petersburg! Profited expensive money, my dear, now he sits and twisted his tail and does not get excited. And it would be, and it would be very much for runs; no, you see, you need to show yourself in every city! (Teasing him.) "Hey, Osip, go look at the best room, and ask for the best dinner: I can't eat a bad dinner, I need a better dinner." It would really be good to have something worthwhile, otherwise it’s just a simple lady! He meets a passer-by, and then plays cards - so you finished your game! Oh, tired of such a life! Indeed, it is better in the countryside: at least there is no publicity, and there are fewer worries; take a woman for yourself, and lie all your life on the floor and eat pies. Well, who argues: of course, if he goes to the truth, then living in St. Petersburg is the best. If only there was money, but life is thin and political: keyyatras, dogs dance for you, and whatever you want. He speaks everything in a subtle delicacy, which is only inferior to the nobility; you go to Shchukin - the merchants shout to you: "Venerable!"; you will sit in a boat with an official; if you want company, go to the shop: there the gentleman will tell you about the camps and announce that every star means in the sky, so that's how you see everything in the palm of your hand. The old woman officer will wander; sometimes the maid will look like this ... fu, fu, fu! (Smiles and shakes his head.) Haberdashery, devil take it! You will never hear an impolite word, everyone says "you" to you. Tired of walking - you take a cab and sit yourself like a master, and if you don’t want to pay him - if you please: every house has through gates, and you will scurry so that no devil will find you. One thing is bad: sometimes you will eat nicely, and at another you will almost burst with hunger, as now, for example. And it's all his fault. What will you do with it? Batiushka will send some money to hold on to - and where to go! Sometimes he will drop everything down to the last shirt, so that all that is left on him is a frock coat and an overcoat ... By God, it’s true! And the cloth is so important, English! a hundred and fifty rubles for him one tailcoat will cost him, and on the market he will sell twenty rubles; and there’s nothing to say about trousers - they don’t care. And why? - because he is not engaged in business: instead of taking office, and he goes for a walk around the prefecture, he plays cards. Oh, if only the old gentleman knew this! He would not look at the fact that you are an official, but, lifting up his shirt, he would fill you with such ones, so that you would scratch yourself for four days. If you serve, then serve. Now the innkeeper said that he would not give you food until you paid for the former; Well, what if we don't pay? (With a sigh.) Oh, my God, at least some cabbage soup! It seems that now the whole world would eat. knocking; right, he's coming. (He hastily gets out of bed.)
Phenomenon II
Osip and Khlestakov.
Khlestakov. Come on, take it. (Gives him his cap and cane.) Oh, lying on the bed again?
Osip. Why should I wallow? Didn't I see the bed, or what?
Khlestakov. You're lying, lying around; you see, it's all messed up.
Osip. What is she to me? I don't know what a bed is? I have legs; I will stand. Why do I need your bed?
Khlestakov(walks around the room). Look, is there any tobacco in the cap?
Osip. But where should he be, tobacco? You smoked the last one on the fourth day.
Khlestakov(walks and purses his lips in various ways; finally speaks in a loud and resolute voice). Listen... hey, Osip!
Osip. What would you like?
Khlestakov(in a loud but not so decisive voice). You go there.
Osip. Where?
Khlestakov(in a voice not at all resolute and not loud, very close to a request). Down to the buffet... Tell me... to give me lunch.
Osip. No, I don't want to go.
Khlestakov. How dare you, fool!
Osip. Yes so; anyway, even if I go, none of this will happen. The owner said he wouldn't let me dine again.
Khlestakov. How dare he not? Here's more nonsense!
Osip.“More, he says, and I’ll go to the mayor; for the third week the master has not been making money. You and the master, he says, are swindlers, and your master is a rogue. We, they say, have seen such scoundrels and scoundrels.”
Khlestakov. And you are already glad, brute, now to retell all this to me.
Osip. He says: “So everyone will come, settle down, owe money, and then you can’t be kicked out.
Khlestakov. Well, well, you fool! Go, go tell him. Such a rude animal!
Osip. Yes, I'd rather call the owner himself to you.
Khlestakov. What is the owner for? You go tell yourself.
Osip. Yes, right, sir...
Khlestakov. Well, go to hell with you! call the owner.
Phenomenon III
Khlestakov one.
It's awful how you want to eat! So I walked a little, I thought if my appetite would go away, - no, damn it, it doesn’t go away, Yes, if I hadn’t had a spree in Penza, it would have been money to get home. The infantry captain greatly taunted me: shtoss surprisingly, a beast, cuts off. I sat there for just a quarter of an hour - and robbed everything. And with all that fear, I would like to fight him again. The case just did not lead. What a nasty little town! Vegetable shops don't lend anything. It's just mean. (Whistles first from "Robert", then "Don't give me mother," and finally neither.) Nobody wants to go.
Event IV
Khlestakov, Osip and the tavern servant.
Servant. The owner ordered to ask, what do you want?
Khlestakov. Hello brother! Well, are you healthy?
Servant. God bless.
Khlestakov. Well, how are you at the hotel? is everything going well?
Servant. Yes, thank God, everything is fine.
Khlestakov. Lots of people passing by?
Servant. Yes, enough.
Khlestakov. Listen, my dear, they still don’t bring me dinner there, so please hurry up so that it’s faster - you see, I have something to do after dinner now.
Servant. Yes, the owner said that he would not let go anymore. He, in any way, wanted to go today to complain to the mayor.
Khlestakov. So why complain? Judge for yourself, dear, how? because I need to eat. That way I can completely emaciate. I am very hungry; I'm not saying this jokingly.
Servant. Yes, sir. He said: "I won't let him dine until he pays me for the old one." That was his answer.
Khlestakov. Yes, you reason, persuade him.
Servant. So what is he to say?
Khlestakov. You explain to him seriously what I need to eat. Money by itself ... He thinks that, like him, a peasant, it’s okay if he doesn’t eat for a day, and so do others. Here's the news!
Servant. Perhaps I will say.
Phenomenon V
Khlestakov one.
It is bad, however, if he does not give anything to eat. I want it like never before. Is there anything to put into circulation from the dress? Pants, perhaps, to sell? No, it's better to starve and come home in a Petersburg suit. It’s a pity that Joachim didn’t rent a carriage, but it would be nice, damn it, to come home in a carriage, drive like a devil to some neighbor-landowner under the porch, with lanterns, and Osip in the back, dress in livery. As if, I imagine, everyone was alarmed: "Who is this, what is this?" And the footman enters (stretches himself and introduces the footman): "Ivan Alexandrovich Khlestakov from St. Petersburg, would you like me to accept you?" They, scumbags, don't even know what "order to accept" means. If some goose landowner comes to them, he knocks, the bear, right into the living room. You’ll go up to some pretty daughter: “Madame, like me ...” (Rubs her hands and shuffles her foot.) Pah! (spits) even sick, so hungry.
Event VI
Khlestakov, Osip, then a servant.
Khlestakov.. And what?
Osip. They bring lunch.
Khlestakov(claps his hands and jumps slightly in his chair). Bear! carry! carry!
Servant(with plates and napkin). The owner gives for the last time.
Khlestakov. Well, master, master... I don't give a damn about your master! What is there?
Servant. Soup and roast.
Khlestakov. Like, only two dishes?
Servant. Only with.
Khlestakov. What nonsense! I don't accept it. You tell him: what is it, in fact, it is! .. This is not enough.
Servant. No, the owner says there are many more.
Khlestakov. Why no sauce?
Servant. There is no sauce.
Khlestakov. Why not? I saw myself, passing by the kitchen, there was a lot of preparation. And in the dining room this morning, two short people were eating salmon and a lot of other things.
Servant. Yes, it is, perhaps not.
Khlestakov. How not?
Servant. Yes, no.
Khlestakov. And salmon, and fish, and cutlets?
Servant. Yes, this is for those who are cleaner, sir.
Khlestakov. Oh you fool!
Servant. Yes, sir.
Khlestakov. You nasty little pig... How can they eat and I don't? Why the hell can't I do the same? Aren't they just as passing as I am?
Servant. Yes, it is known that they are not.
Khlestakov. What?
Servant. Definitely what! they already know: they pay money.
Khlestakov. I'm with you, fool, I don't want to argue. (Pours soup and eats.) What kind of soup is this? You just poured water into a cup: there is no taste, it just stinks. I don't want this soup, give me another one.
Servant. We will accept. The owner said: if you don't want to, then you don't need to.
Khlestakov(protecting food with hand). Well, well, well ... leave it, fool! You are accustomed to treating others there: I, brother, am not of that kind! I do not advise with me ... (Eat.) My God, what soup! (Continues to eat.) I don't think a single person in the world has ever eaten such a soup: some kind of feathers float instead of butter. (Cuts the chicken.) Ai, ai, ai, what a chicken! Give me hot! There's a little soup left, Osip, take it for yourself. (Cuts the roast.) What is this roast? It's not hot.
Servant. Yes, what is it?
Khlestakov. God knows what it is, but not hot. It's an ax fried instead of beef. (Eat.) Scammers, rascals, what do they feed! And your jaws will hurt if you eat one such piece. (Picks his finger in his teeth.) Scoundrels! Just like a wooden bark, nothing can be pulled out; and teeth will turn black after these dishes. Fraudsters! (Wipes his mouth with a napkin.) Is there anything else?
Servant. No. Khlestakov. Canaglia! scoundrels! and even at least some sauce or cake. Idlers! they only bully those who pass by.
The servant removes and takes away the plates together with Osip.
Appearance VII
Khlestakov. Right, as if he had not eaten; just got pissed off. If it were a trifle, they would send it to the market and buy at least a polar cod.
Osip(included). There, for some reason, the mayor came, inquired and asked about you.
Khlestakov(frightened). Here's to you! What a beast innkeeper, already managed to complain! What if he really drags me to jail? Well, if in a noble way, I, perhaps ... no, no, I don’t want to! There, in the city, officers and people are hanging around, and, as if on purpose, I set the tone and exchanged winks with one merchant's daughter ... No, I don’t want to ... But what is he, how dare he really? What am I to him, is it a merchant or an artisan? (He cheers up and straightens up.) Yes, I’ll tell him straight out: “How dare you, how do you ...” (A handle turns at the door; Khlestakov turns pale and shrinks.)
Appearance VIII
Khlestakov, mayor and Dobchinsky. The mayor, entered, stops. Both in fright look at each other for several minutes, bulging eyes.
mayor(recovering a little and stretching his arms at his sides). I wish you well!
Khlestakov(bows). My regards...
Mayor. Sorry.
Khlestakov. Nothing...
Mayor. It is my duty, as the mayor of the city here, to see to it that there are no harassments to those passing by and to all noble people...
Khlestakov(at first he stutters a little, but by the end of the speech he speaks loudly). Yes, what to do? It's not my fault... I'll really cry... They'll send me from the village.
Bobchinsky looks out of the door.
He is more to blame: he gives me beef as hard as a log; and the soup - he the devil knows what he splashed there, I had to throw it out the window. He starves me for whole days ... The tea is so strange, it stinks of fish, not tea. Why am I... Here's the news!
mayor(timid). Sorry, I'm really not to blame. I always have good beef in the market. Kholmogory merchants bring them, sober people and good behavior. I don't know where he gets this from. And if something is wrong, then ... Let me suggest that you move with me to another apartment.
Khlestakov. No I do not want to! I know what it means to another apartment: that is, to prison. What right do you have? How dare you?.. Yes, here I am... I serve in St. Petersburg. (Cheers up.) I, I, I...
mayor(to the side). Oh my God, you're so angry! I found out everything, the damned merchants told me everything!
Khlestakov(bravely). Yes, here you are even here with your whole team - I won’t go! I'm going straight to the minister! (Bangs his fist on the table.) What are you? What do you?
mayor(stretching out and trembling all over). Have mercy, do not lose! Wife, little children... don't make a man unhappy.
Khlestakov. No I do not want! Here's another? what do I care? Because you have a wife and children, I have to go to prison, that's fine!
Bobchinsky looks out the door and hides in fright.
No, thank you very much, I don't want to.
mayor(trembling). Inexperience, by golly, inexperience. Insufficiency of the state ... If you please, judge for yourself: the state salary is not enough even for tea and sugar. If there were any bribes, then just a little: something on the table and for a couple of dresses. As for the non-commissioned officer's widow, engaged in the merchant class, whom I allegedly flogged, this is slander, by God, slander. This was invented by my villains; These are such people that they are ready to encroach on my life.
Khlestakov. What? I don't care about them. (Thinking.) I don’t know, however, why you are talking about villains or some non-commissioned officer’s widow ... A non-commissioned officer’s wife is completely different, but you don’t dare to flog me, you are far from that ... Here's another! Look what you are!.. I will pay, I will pay money, but now I don't have any. I'm sitting here because I don't have a penny.
mayor(to the side). Oh, subtle thing! Ek where tossed! what a fog! figure out who wants it! You don't know which side to take. Well, yes, try not where it went! What will be, will be, try at random. (Aloud.) If you definitely need money or something else, then I am ready to serve my minute. My duty is to help passers-by.
Khlestakov. Give, lend me! I'll pay off the innkeeper right now. I would only like two hundred rubles, or at least even less.
mayor(holding papers). Exactly two hundred rubles, though don't bother counting.
Khlestakov(taking money). Thank you very much. I'll send them to you from the village at once... I've got it all of a sudden... I see you're a noble man. Now it's different.
mayor(to the side). Well, thank God! took the money. Things seem to be going well now. I did give him two hundred and four hundred instead.
Khlestakov. Hey Osip!
Osip enters.
Call the tavern servant here! (To the mayor and Dobchinsky.) And why are you standing there? Do me a favor, sit down. (To Dobchinsky.) Sit down, I beg you most humbly.
Mayor. Nothing, we'll just stand there.
Khlestakov. Do me a favor, sit down. I now see the complete frankness of your disposition and cordiality, otherwise, I confess, I already thought that you had come to me ... (to Dobchinsky.) Sit down.
The mayor and Dobchinsky sit down. Bobchinsky looks out the door and listens.
mayor(to the side). You need to be bolder. He wants to be considered incognito. Okay, let's let us turuses; Let's pretend we don't even know what kind of person he is. (Aloud.) Walking around on official business, here with Pyotr Ivanovich Dobchinsky, the local landowner, we went into the hotel on purpose to inquire whether the travelers were well treated, because I am not like some other mayor who does not care about anything; but I, besides my position, also, out of Christian philanthropy, want every mortal to be well received - and now, as if as a reward, the case brought such a pleasant acquaintance.
Khlestakov. I am also very happy myself. Without you, I confess, I would have sat here for a long time: I did not know at all how to pay.
mayor(to the side). Yes, tell me, did not know how to pay? (Aloud.) May I dare to ask: where and to what places would you like to go?
Khlestakov. I'm going to the Saratov province, to my own village.
mayor(aside, with a face that assumes an ironic expression). To the Saratov province! A? and won't blush! Oh, yes, you need to keep an eye on him. (Aloud.) You have deigned to undertake a good deed. After all, with regard to the road: on the one hand, they say troubles about delaying horses, but, on the other hand, entertainment for the mind. After all, you, tea, are traveling more for your own pleasure?
Khlestakov. No, my father wants me. The old man was angry that he had not served anything in Petersburg until now. He thinks that he has come and now they will give you Vladimir in your buttonhole. No, I would have sent him to hustle in the office himself.
mayor(to the side). Please see what bullets are pouring! and dragged the old man's father! (Aloud.) And would you like to go for a long time?
Khlestakov. Right, I don't know. After all, my father is stubborn and stupid, old horseradish, like a log. I'll tell him straight: whatever you want, I can't live without Petersburg. Why, really, should I ruin my life with the peasants? Now not those needs, my soul yearns for enlightenment.
mayor(to the side). Nicely tied a knot! Lies, lies - and will not break anywhere! But what a nondescript, short one, it seems, he would have crushed him with a fingernail. Well, yes, wait, you'll let me know. I'll make you tell me more! (Aloud.) Fairly deigned to notice. What can you do in the wilderness? After all, at least here: you don’t sleep at night, you try for the fatherland, you don’t regret anything, and it’s not known when the reward will be. (Looks around the room.) Does this room look a little cheesy?
Khlestakov. Nasty room, and bedbugs like I've never seen anywhere: like dogs bite.
Mayor. Tell! such an enlightened guest, and suffers - from whom? - from some worthless bugs that should not have been born into the world. No way, even dark in this room?
Khlestakov. Yes, it's completely dark. The owner made a habit of not letting go of the candles. Sometimes I want to do something, read something, or a fantasy comes to compose something, but I can’t: it’s dark, it’s dark.
Mayor. Do I dare to ask you... but no, I'm not worthy.
Khlestakov. And what?
Mayor. No, no, unworthy, unworthy!
Khlestakov. Yes, what is it?
Mayor. I would dare ... I have a beautiful room in my house, bright, calm ... But no, I feel it myself, this is too great an honor ... Do not be angry - by God, from the simplicity of my soul I offered it.
Khlestakov. On the contrary, if you please, I'm happy to. I am much more comfortable in a private house than in this tavern.
Mayor. And I will be so happy! And how happy the wife will be! I already have such a temper: hospitality from childhood, especially if the guest is an enlightened person. Don't think I'm saying this out of flattery; no, I don’t have this vice, I express myself from the fullness of my soul.
Khlestakov. Thank you very much. Me too - I don't like two-faced people. I really like your frankness and cordiality, and, I confess, I would not demand anything more, as soon as you show me devotion and respect, respect and devotion.
Appearance IX
The same and the tavern servant, accompanied by Osip. Bobchinsky looks out the door.
Servant. Would you like to ask?
Khlestakov. Yes; submit an account.
Servant. I already gave you another bill.
Khlestakov. I don't remember your stupid bills. Tell me how much is there?
Servant. You deigned to ask for lunch on the first day, and the next day you only ate salmon and then went to borrow everything.
Khlestakov. Fool! still started counting. How much should be?
Mayor. Don't worry, he will wait. (To the servant.) Get out, they will send you.
Khlestakov. Indeed, that is true. (Hides money.)
The servant leaves. Bobchinsky peeps out the door.
Phenomenon X
Gorodnichiy, Khlestakov, Dobchinsky.
Mayor. Would you like to see now some of the institutions in our city, somehow - charitable and others?
Khlestakov. And what is there?
Mayor. And so, look at the course of affairs we have ... what order ...
Khlestakov. With great pleasure, I'm ready.
Bobchinsky sticks his head out the door.
Mayor. Also, if you wish, from there to the district school, to examine the order in which the sciences are taught in our country.
Khlestakov. Please, please.
Mayor. Then, if you wish to visit the jail and city prisons, consider how criminals are kept in our country.
Khlestakov. Why prisons? We'd better look at charitable institutions.
Mayor. As you please. How do you intend: in your carriage or with me on the droshky?
Khlestakov. Yes, I'd rather ride the droshky with you.
Mayor.(Dobchinsky). Well, Pyotr Ivanovich, there is no place for you now.
Dobchinsky. Nothing, I am.
mayor(quietly, Dobchinsky). Listen: you run, yes, run, at full speed and carry two notes: one to the charitable institution of Strawberry, and the other to your wife. (to Khlestakov) May I dare to ask permission to write one line to my wife in your presence, so that she prepares to receive the honored guest?
Khlestakov. But why? .. But then, there is ink, only papers - I don’t know ... Is it on this account?
Mayor. I will write here. (He writes and at the same time speaks to himself.) But let's see how things go after the frischtik and the bottle of fat belly! Yes, we have a provincial madeira: unsightly in appearance, but the elephant will be knocked down. If only I could find out what it is and to what extent it is necessary to fear it. (Having written, she gives it to Dobchinsky, who comes up to the door, but at that moment the door breaks, and Bobchinsky, who was eavesdropping from the other side, flies onto the stage with her. Everyone makes exclamations. Bobchinsky rises.)
Khlestakov. What? Have you hurt yourself somewhere?
Bobchinsky. Nothing, nothing, sir, without any madness, only a small blotch over the nose! I'll run to Khristian Ivanovich: he has such a plaster, and so it will pass.
mayor(making a reproachful sign to Bobchinsky, to Khlestakov). It's from nothing. Please, please, please! And I will tell your servant to carry the suitcase. (To Osip.) My dear, you transfer everything to me, to the mayor - everyone will show you. I beg you more humbly! (He lets Khlestakov go ahead and follows him, but turning around, he speaks reproachfully to Bobchinsky.) You too! found no other place to fall! And stretched like hell knows what it is. (Exits; Bobchinsky follows him.)
ACT THREE
Phenomenon I
Anna Andreevna and Marya Antonovna are standing at the window in the same positions.
Anna Andreevna. Well, we've been waiting for a whole hour, and you're all with your stupid affectation: you're fully dressed, no, you still have to dig... It would be better not to listen to her at all. What a shame! as if on purpose, not a soul! as if everything had died.
Maria Antonovna. Yes, that's right, mother, we'll find out everything in two minutes. Avdotya should come soon. (Looks out the window and cries out.) Oh, mother, mother! someone is coming, over there at the end of the street.
Anna Andreevna. Where is it going? You always have some fantasies. Well, yes, it's coming. Who is this coming? Small in stature ... in a tailcoat ... Who is this? A? This, however, is annoying! Who would it be?
Maria Antonovna. This is Dobchinsky, mother.
Anna Andreevna. Which Dobchinsky? You always suddenly imagine something like that... Not Dobchinsky at all. (Waving her handkerchief.) Hey you, get in here! quicker!
Maria Antonovna. Right, mother, Dobchinsky.
Anna Andreevna. Well, on purpose, just to argue. They tell you - not Dobchinsky.
Maria Antonovna. And what? what about, mother? You see that Dobchinsky.
Anna Andreevna. Well, yes, Dobchinsky, now I see - why are you arguing? (Screams out the window.) Hurry, hurry! you walk quietly. Well, where are they? A? Yes, speak from there - it doesn't matter. What? very strict? A? What about husband, husband? (Stepping back a little from the window, with annoyance.) So stupid: until he enters the room, he won't tell anything!
Phenomenon II
The same and Dobchinsky.
Anna Andreevna. Well, tell me, please: well, aren't you ashamed? I relied on you alone, as on a decent person: all of a sudden they ran out, and you followed them there! and I'm still not getting any sense from anyone. Aren't you ashamed? I baptized your Vanechka and Lizanka, and this is how you treated me!
Dobchinsky. By God, gossip, I ran so fast to pay my respects that I can’t take my breath. My respect, Marya Antonovna!
Maria Antonovna. Hello, Peter Ivanovich!
Anna Andreevna. Well? Well, tell me: what and how is it there?
Dobchinsky. Anton Antonovich sent you a note.
Anna Andreevna. Well, who is he? general?
Dobchinsky. No, not a general, but he will not yield to a general: such an education and important deeds, sir.
Anna Andreevna. A! so this is the one about which it was written to her husband.
Dobchinsky. Real. I was the first to discover this together with Petr Ivanovich.
Anna Andreevna. Well, tell me: what and how?
Dobchinsky. Yes, thank God, all is well. At first he received Anton Antonovich a little sternly, yes, sir; he got angry and said that everything was not good at the hotel, and that he would not go to him, and that he did not want to go to prison for him; but then, as soon as he recognized Anton Antonovich's innocence and as soon as he talked to him, he immediately changed his thoughts, and, thank God, everything went well. They have now gone to inspect charitable establishments... Otherwise, I confess, Anton Antonovich was already wondering if there had been a secret denunciation; I also messed up a little myself.
Anna Andreevna. What do you have to be afraid of? because you are not serving.
Dobchinsky. Yes, you know, when a nobleman speaks, you feel fear.
Anna Andreevna. Well, well ... this is all, however, nonsense. Tell me, what is he like? What, old or young?
Dobchinsky. Young, young man; twenty-three years old: but he says just like an old man: "If you please, he says, I will go both there and there ..." (waving his arms) it's all nice. “I, he says, love to write and read, but it interferes with the fact that in the room, he says, it’s a little dark.”
Anna Andreevna. And what is he like: a brunette or a blond?
Dobchinsky. No, more of a chantret, and eyes as fast as animals, they even lead to embarrassment.
Anna Andreevna. What is he writing to me in a note? (Reads.) "I hasten to inform you, darling, that my condition was very sad, but, trusting in God's mercy, for two pickled cucumbers especially and for half a portion of caviar, a ruble twenty-five kopecks ..." (Stops.) I do not understand anything , why are there pickles and caviar?
Dobchinsky. Oh, it was Anton Antonovich who wrote on draft paper according to speed: so some kind of account was written.
Anna Andreevna. Ah, yes, exactly. (Continues to read.) "But, relying on God's mercy, it seems that everything will be to a good end. Prepare as soon as possible a room for an important guest, the one that is pasted with yellow pieces of paper; do not bother adding to dinner, because we will have a meal in a charitable establishment at Artemy Filippovich's , but they brought more guilt; tell the merchant Abdulin to send the very best, otherwise I will dig through his entire cellar. Kissing, darling, your hand, I remain yours: Anton Skvoznik-Dmukhanovsky ... "Oh, my God! However, this needs to be done ASAP! Hey, who's there? Bear!
Dobchinsky(runs and shouts at the door). Bear! Bear! Bear!
The bear enters.
Anna Andreevna. Listen: run to the merchant Abdulin ... wait, I'll give you a note (sits down at the table, writes a note and meanwhile says): you give this note to the coachman Sidor, so that he runs with it to the merchant Abdulin and brings wine from there. Go and clean up this guest room right now. There put a bed, a washstand and so on.
Dobchinsky. Well, Anna Andreevna, now I'll run as soon as possible to see how he surveys there.
Anna Andreevna. Get up, get up! I am not holding you.
Phenomenon III
Anna Andreevna. Well, Mashenka, we need to go to the toilet now. He is a metropolitan thing: God forbid, so that he does not ridicule something. It is best for you to wear your blue dress with small frills.
Maria Antonovna. Fi, mama, blue! I don’t like it at all: both Lyapkina-Tyapkina walks in blue, and Strawberry’s daughter wears blue. No, I'd rather wear color.
Anna Andreevna. Colored! .. Right, you say - if only in defiance. It will be much better for you, because I want to wear fawn; I love fawn very much.
Maria Antonovna. Oh, mother, you don't like fawn!
Anna Andreevna. I don't like fawn?
Maria Antonovna. No, I give anything, no, for this it is necessary that the eyes be completely dark.
Anna Andreevna. That's good! Are my eyes dark? the darkest. What nonsense he speaks! How can it not be dark, when I always guess to myself about the queen of clubs?
Maria Antonovna. Ah, mother! you are more of a lady of hearts.
Anna Andreevna. Rubbish, perfect rubbish! I have never been a queen of hearts. (He hurriedly leaves with Marya Antonovna and speaks behind the stage.) Such a thing will suddenly be imagined! red lady! God knows what it is!
When they leave, the doors open, and Mishka throws rubbish out of them. Osip comes out of other doors with a suitcase on his head.
Event IV
Mishka and Osip.
Osip. Where is it?
Bear. Here, uncle, here.
Osip. Wait, let me rest first. Oh you miserable life! On an empty belly, every burden seems heavy.
Bear. What, uncle, tell me: will there be a general soon?
Osip. What general?
Bear. Yes, your master.
Osip. Barin? What kind of general is he?
Bear. Isn't it a general?
Osip. General, but on the other side.
Bear. Well, is it more or less than a real general?
Osip. More.
Bear. You see how! then we got into a turmoil.
Osip. Listen, little one: I see you are a nimble fellow; prepare something to eat there.
Bear. Yes, for you, uncle, nothing is ready yet. You will not eat simple dishes, but as soon as your master sits down at the table, they will let you have the same food.
Osip. Well, just what do you have?
Bear. Shchi, porridge and pies.
Osip. Give them, cabbage soup, porridge and pies! Nothing, we'll all eat. Well, let's carry the suitcase! What, is there another way out?
Bear. Eat.
Both carry the suitcase to the side room.
Phenomenon V
Quarterly open both halves of the doors. Khlestakov enters: behind him is the mayor, then the trustee of charitable institutions, the superintendent of schools, Dobchinsky and Bobchinsky with a band-aid on their noses. The mayor points out a piece of paper to the quarters on the floor - they run and take it off, pushing each other in a hurry.
Khlestakov. Good establishments. I like that you show everyone in the city passing by. Nothing was shown to me in other cities.
Mayor. In other cities, I dare to report to you, city governors and officials are more concerned about their own, that is, benefit. And here, it can be said, there is no other thought than to earn the attention of the authorities with diligence and vigilance.
Khlestakov. The breakfast was very good; I'm completely full. What happens to you every day?
Mayor. On purpose for a nice guest.
Khlestakov. I like to eat. After all, you live to pick flowers of pleasure. What was the name of this fish?
Artemy Filippovich(running up). Labardan-s.
Khlestakov. Very tasty. Where did we have breakfast? in the hospital, right?
Artemy Filippovich. That's right, sir, in a charitable institution.
Khlestakov. I remember, I remember, there were beds. Have the patients recovered? There seem to be few of them.
Artemy Filippovich. Ten people left, no more; and the rest all recovered. It's just the way it is, the order. Ever since I took over, it may even seem unbelievable to you, everyone has been getting better like flies. The patient will not have time to enter the infirmary, as he is already healthy; and not so much medicines, but honesty and order.
Mayor. Why, I dare to report to you, the duty of the mayor is puzzling! There are so many things to do, regarding one cleanliness, repair, amendment ... in a word, smartest person I would have been in difficulty, but, thank God, everything is going well. Another mayor, of course, would care about his own benefits; but, do you believe that, even when you go to bed, everyone thinks: “My God, how can I arrange it so that the authorities see my jealousy and be satisfied? ..” Whether he rewards or not is, of course, in his will; at least I will be calm in my heart. When everything is in order in the city, the streets are swept, the prisoners are well kept, there are few drunkards ... then what more do I need? Hey, I don't want any honors. It is, of course, tempting, but before virtue everything is dust and vanity.
Artemy Filippovich(to the side). Eka, loafer, how he paints! God gave me such a gift!
Khlestakov. This is true. I confess, I myself sometimes like to be wise: sometimes in prose, and at other times the rhymes will be thrown out.
Bobchinsky(Dobchinsky). Fair, everything is fair, Pyotr Ivanovich! Such remarks ... it is clear that he studied the sciences.
Khlestakov. Tell me, please, do you have any entertainment, societies where you could, for example, play cards?
mayor(to the side). Ege, we know, my dear, in whose garden pebbles are thrown! (Aloud.) God forbid! here there is no rumor of such societies. I never took cards in my hands; I don't even know how to play these cards. I could never look at them with indifference; and if you happen to see some kind of king of diamonds or something else, then such disgust will attack that you just spit. Once somehow it happened, amusing the children, he built a booth of cards, but after that they dreamed all night, damned. God be with them! How can such precious time be wasted on them?
Luka Lukic(to the side). And I, the scoundrel, ponted a hundred rubles yesterday.
Mayor. I'd rather use this time for the benefit of the state.
Khlestakov. Well, no, you are in vain, however ... It all depends on the side from which one looks at the thing. If, for example, you go on strike then how to bend from three corners ... well, then of course ... No, don't say, sometimes it's very tempting to play.
Event VI
The same, Anna Andreevna and Marya Antonovna.
Mayor. I dare to introduce my family: wife and daughter.
Khlestakov(bowing). How happy I am, madam, to have the pleasure of seeing you.
Anna Andreevna. We are even more pleased to see such a person.
Khlestakov(drawing). Excuse me, madam, quite the contrary: I feel even more pleasant.
Anna Andreevna. How can you! You so deign to say it, for a compliment. I ask you to be seated.
Khlestakov. There is already happiness standing near you; however, if you already absolutely want it, I will sit down. How happy I am to finally be sitting next to you.
Anna Andreevna. Excuse me, I don’t dare to take it personally ... I think that after the capital the voyage seemed very unpleasant to you.
Khlestakov. Extremely unpleasant. Accustomed to living, comprenez vous, in the world, and suddenly finding yourself on the road: dirty taverns, the darkness of ignorance ... If, I confess, it were not for such a case that I ... (looks at Anna Andreevna and poses in front of her) so rewarded for All...
Anna Andreevna. Really, how embarrassing you must be.
Khlestakov. However, madam, at this moment I am very pleased.
Anna Andreevna. How can you! You are doing a lot of credit. I do not deserve this.
Khlestakov. Why don't you deserve it?
Anna Andreevna. I live in the village...
Khlestakov. Yes, the village, however, also has its own hillocks, streams ... Well, of course, who can compare with St. Petersburg! Ah, Petersburg! what a life, right! You may think that I am only copying; no, the head of the department is with me on a friendly footing. So hit on the shoulder: "Come, brother, have dinner!" I only go into the department for two minutes, so only to say, "That's it, that's it!" And there is already an official for writing, a kind of rat, with only a pen - tr, tr ... went to write. They even wanted to make me a collegiate assessor, yes, I think why. And the watchman was still flying on the stairs behind me with a brush: "Allow me, Ivan Alexandrovich, I'll clean your boots," he says. (To the mayor.) Why are you, gentlemen, standing around? Please sit down!
Together:
Mayor. The rank is such that you can still stand.
Artemy Filippovich. We will stand.
Luka Lukic. Don't you dare worry.
Khlestakov. Without ranks, please sit down.
The mayor and everyone sit down.
Khlestakov. I don't like ceremonies. On the contrary, I even always try to slip in unnoticed. But there's no way to hide, no way! As soon as I go out somewhere, they say: "Out, they say, Ivan Alexandrovich is coming!" And once they even took me for the commander-in-chief: the soldiers jumped out of the guardhouse and made me a gun. Later, an officer who is very familiar to me says to me: "Well, brother, we completely mistook you for the commander in chief."
Anna Andreevna. Tell me how!
Khlestakov. I know pretty actresses. I'm also different vaudeville ... Writers often see. With Pushkin on a friendly footing. I used to often say to him: "Well, brother Pushkin?" - "Yes, brother," he answers, it used to be, "because somehow everything ..." A great original.
Anna Andreevna. Is that how you write? How pleasant it must be for a writer! You, right, and put in magazines?
Khlestakov. Yes, I put them in magazines. However, there are many of my works: "The Marriage of Figaro", "Robert the Devil", "Norma". I don't even remember the names. And all by chance: I did not want to write, but the theater management says: "Please, brother, write something." I think to myself: "Perhaps, if you please, brother!" And then in one evening, it seems, he wrote everything, amazed everyone. I have an unusual lightness in my thoughts. All this that was under the name of Baron Brambeus, "Frigate of Hope" and "Moscow Telegraph" ... I wrote all this.
Anna Andreevna. Tell me, were you Brambeus?
Khlestakov. Well, I correct articles for them all. Smirdin gives me forty thousand for this.
Anna Andreevna. So, right, and "Yuri Miloslavsky" is your composition?
Khlestakov. Yes, this is my essay.
Maria Antonovna. Oh, mother, it says there that this is Mr. Zagoskin's work.
Anna Andreevna. Well, I knew that even here you would argue.
Khlestakov. Oh yes, it's true, it's definitely Zagoskin; but there is another "Yuri Miloslavsky", so that one is mine.
Anna Andreevna. Well, that's right, I read yours. How well written!
Khlestakov. I confess that I exist in literature. I have the first house in St. Petersburg. So it is known: the house of Ivan Alexandrovich. (Addressing everyone.) Do me a favor, gentlemen, if you are in Petersburg, please, please come to me. I also give points.
Anna Andreevna. I think with what taste and magnificence they give balls!
Khlestakov. Just don't speak. On the table, for example, a watermelon - seven hundred rubles a watermelon. Soup in a saucepan came from Paris right on the steamer; open the lid - steam, which cannot be found in nature. I'm at balls every day. There we had our own whist: the Minister of Foreign Affairs, the French envoy, the English and German envoy, and myself. And you'll get so tired playing that it's just like nothing else. As soon as you run up the stairs to your fourth floor, you will only say to the cook: "Here, Mavrushka, overcoat ..." Well, I'm lying - I forgot that I live in the mezzanine. I have only one ladder standing ... And it is curious to look into my anteroom, when I have not yet woken up: counts and princes are pushing and buzzing there like bumblebees, you can only hear: well ... well ... well ... Other once the minister...
The mayor and others shyly get up from their chairs.
They even write on my packages: "Your Excellency." Once I even ran a department. And it's strange: the director left - where he left is unknown. Well, naturally, there was talk: how, what, who to take a place? Many of the generals were hunters and were taken, but they would come up, it happened - no, it's tricky. It seems easy to look at, but look at it - just damn it! After they see, there is nothing to do - to me. And at that very moment, couriers, couriers, couriers ... can you imagine, thirty-five thousand couriers alone! What is the position? - I'm asking. "Ivan Aleksandrovich, go and manage the department!" I confess, I was a little embarrassed, I went out in a dressing gown: I wanted to refuse, but I think: it will reach the sovereign, well, and the track record too ... "Excuse me, gentlemen, I accept the position, I accept, I say, so be it, I say, I accept, only from me: no, no, no! .. My ears are on the alert! I'm already ... "And for sure: it happened, as I passed through the department, it was just an earthquake, everything was trembling and shaking like a leaf.
The mayor and others are shaking with fear. Khlestakov gets even more excited.
ABOUT! I don't like to joke. I gave them all a warning. The State Council itself is afraid of me. What really? I am like that! I won't look at anyone... I tell everyone: "I know myself, myself." I am everywhere, everywhere. I go to the palace every day. Tomorrow I will be promoted to field march... (She slips and almost flops on the floor, but is supported with reverence by the officials.)
mayor(approaching and shaking all over, trying to articulate). And wah wah... wah...
Khlestakov(in a quick, raspy voice). What's happened?
Mayor. And wah wah... wah...
Khlestakov(in the same voice). I can't figure it out, it's all nonsense.
Mayor. Wah-wah-wah... procession, excellency, would you order me to rest?.. here is the room, and everything you need.
Khlestakov. Nonsense - relax. Excuse me, I'm ready to rest. Your breakfast, gentlemen, is good... I am satisfied, I am satisfied. (With recitation.) Labardan! labardan! (He enters a side room, followed by the mayor.)
Appearance VII
The same, except for Khlestakov and the mayor.
Bobchinsky(Dobchinsky). What a man, Pyotr Ivanovich! That's what a man means! In life I was not in the presence of such an important person, I almost died of fear. What do you think, Pyotr Ivanovich, who is he in the reasoning of the rank?
Dobchinsky. I think almost a general.
Bobchinsky. And I think that the general will not match him! and when a general, then perhaps the generalissimo himself. Have you heard how the State Council was pressed? Let's go tell Ammos Fedorovich and Korobkin as soon as possible. Farewell, Anna Andreevna!
Dobchinsky. Farewell, gossip!
Both leave.
Artemy Filippovich(Luke Lukic). Terribly simple. And why, you don't know. And we are not even in uniforms. Well, how will he sleep and send a report to Petersburg? (He leaves thoughtfully together with the superintendent of schools, saying:) Farewell, madam!
Appearance VIII
Anna Andreevna and Marya Antonovna.
Anna Andreevna. Ah, how pleasant!
Maria Antonovna. Ah, what a cutie!
Anna Andreevna. But what a subtle treatment! now you can see the capital thing. Receptions and all that ... Oh, how good! I love these young people! I'm just out of memory. However, he liked me very much: I noticed that everyone was looking at me.
Maria Antonovna. Oh, mother, he was looking at me!
Anna Andreevna. Please, with your nonsense away! This is not at all appropriate here.
Maria Antonovna. No, mother, right!
Anna Andreevna. Here you go! God forbid, so as not to argue! you can't, and it's full! Where can he look at you? And why should he look at you?
Maria Antonovna. Really, mama, I watched everything. And as he began to talk about literature, he looked at me, and then, when he was telling how he played whist with the messengers, he looked at me.
Anna Andreevna. Well, maybe once, and even then, if only. “Ah,” he says to himself, “let me look at her!”
Appearance IX
The same and the mayor.
mayor(enters on tiptoe). Shh... sh...
Anna Andreevna. What?
Mayor. And I'm not glad I got drunk. Well, what if at least half of what he said was true? (Thinks.) But how could it not be true? Having walked, a person brings everything out: what is in the heart, then on the tongue. Of course, he leaned a little; but after all, no speech is said without swearing. He plays with the ministers and goes to the palace... So, really, the more you think... the devil knows, you don't know what's going on in your head; just as if you were either standing on some belfry, or they wanted to hang you.
Anna Andreevna. And I didn’t feel any timidity at all; I saw in him an educated, secular, high tone man, but I have no need for his ranks.
Mayor. Well, you are women! It's over, that one word is enough! All of you are tricks! Suddenly they blurt out neither one nor the other word. You will be flogged, and that's all, but remember your husband's name. You, my soul, treated him so freely, as if with some kind of Dobchinsky.
Anna Andreevna. I advise you not to worry about this. We know something like that... (Looks at her daughter.) mayor(one). Well, to talk to you! .. Eka is really an opportunity! I still can't wake up from fear. (Opens the door and speaks through the door.) Mishka, call the quarterly Svistunov and Derzhimorda: they are not far away somewhere behind the gate. (After a short silence.) Everything is wonderful now in the world: even if the people were already prominent, otherwise thin, thin - how do you know who they are? Still, a military man still seems like himself, but when he puts on a little frock coat - well, it’s like a fly with clipped wings. And after all, for a long time he was attached to the tavern, wrung such allegories and equivocations that, it seems, a century would not have succeeded. And finally, he gave in. And he said more than he needed to. It is clear that the man is young.
Phenomenon X
The same and Osip. Everyone runs towards him, nodding their fingers.
Anna Andreevna. Come here, dear!
Mayor. Shh!.. what? What? sleeping?
Osip. No, it's stretching a little.
Anna Andreevna. Listen, what's your name?
Osip. Osip, ma'am.
mayor(wife and daughter). Enough, enough for you! (To Osip.) Well, friend, have you been fed well?
Osip. Fed, thank you most humbly; well fed.
Anna Andreevna. Well, tell me: to your master too, I think, counts and princes travel a lot?
Osip(to the side). What to say? If now they have fed well, then they will feed even better later. (Aloud.) Yes, there are also graphs.
Maria Antonovna. Darling Osip, what a pretty master of yours!
Anna Andreevna. And what, tell me, please, Osip, how is he ...
Mayor. Yes, please stop! You only bother me with such empty speeches! Well, friend?
Anna Andreevna. And what is the rank of your master?
Osip. Chin is usually what.
Mayor. Oh, my God, all of you with your stupid questions! don't let me talk about the case. Well, friend, how is your master? .. strict? likes to bake that way or not?
Osip. Yes, he loves order. He wants everything to be in order.
Mayor. And I really like your face. Friend you must be good man. Well...
Anna Andreevna. Listen, Osip, how does your master walk around in uniform, or...
Mayor. Enough for you, right, what rattles! Here is the necessary thing: it is a matter of a person's life ... (To Osip.) Well, friend, really, I like you very much. On the road, it doesn’t hurt, you know, to drink an extra cup of tea - it’s a bit cold now. So here's a couple of coins for tea.
Osip(Taking the money.) And I thank you most humbly, sir. God bless you all health! poor man, help him.
Mayor. Okay, okay, I'm happy myself. What about friend...
Anna Andreevna. Listen, Osip, which eyes do your master like best?
Maria Antonovna. Osip, darling, what a pretty little nose your master has!..
Mayor. Wait a minute, give it to me! .. (To Osip.) And what, friend, tell me, please: what does your master pay more attention to, that is, what does he like more on the road?
Osip. He loves, by consideration, that as it should. Most of all, he loves to be received well, so that the treat is good.
Mayor. Good?
Osip. Yes, good. That's what I'm a serf, but even then he looks to make me feel good. By God! We used to go somewhere: "What, Osip, did you treat you well?" - "Bad, your honor!" - "Eh, he says, this is Osip, a bad owner. You, he says, remind me when I arrive." - "Ah," I think to myself (waving my hand), "God bless him! I'm a simple man."
Mayor. Okay, okay, and you're talking business. There I gave you a tip, so here's more bagels on top of that.
Osip. What are you complaining about, your highness? (Hides the money.) Can I drink to your health.
Anna Andreevna. Come, Osip, to me, you will get it too.
Maria Antonovna. Osip, darling, kiss your master!
Khlestakov's slight cough is heard from another room.
Mayor. Chsh! (He rises on tiptoe; the whole scene is in an undertone.) God save you make noise! Go yourself! full of you...
Anna Andreevna. Let's go, Mashenka! I'll tell you what I noticed in the guest is something that the two of us can only say.
Mayor. Oh, they'll talk! I think, just go and listen - and then you will shut up your ears. (Turning to Osip.) Well, friend...
Phenomenon XI
The same, Derzhimorda and Svistunov.
Mayor. Chsh! such clubfoot bears - knocking with their boots! So it falls, as if someone is throwing forty pounds from a cart! Where the hell are you?
Derzhimorda. Was ordered...
Mayor. Chsh! (Closes his mouth.) Oh, how the crow croaked! (Teasing him.) Was on orders! As from a barrel, so growls. (To Osip.) Well, friend, go and cook there what you need for the master. Everything that is in the house, demand.
Osip leaves.
Mayor. And you - stand on the porch, and not move! And do not let anyone into the house of a stranger, especially merchants! If you let even one of them in, then ... Just see that someone is coming with a request, and even if not with a request, but he looks like such a person who wants to file a request against me, push it straight ahead! so it! good! (Pointing with his foot.) Do you hear? Shh ... shh ... (He leaves on tiptoe after the quarters.)
