John Miller rules happy families. Happy Family Rules by John Miller and Karen Miller. Book Review "The Rules for Happy Families"

Karen Miller, John Miller

Rules for happy families Book for Responsible Parents

All rights reserved. No part of the electronic version of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, including posting on the Internet and corporate networks, for private and public use, without the written permission of the copyright owner.

Legal support of the publishing house is provided by the law firm "Vegas-Lex"

This book is well complemented by:

Make your kids successful

Les Hewitt, Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen

Don't go for marmalade

Joaquim de Posada, Ellen Singer

It is striking that the ten commandments do not contain any obligations of parents towards the child. It must have seemed to God unnecessary to regulate by law that which He guards by love.

My father and mother, John and Karen Miller, are not parenting experts, but I consider them excellent parents. They are not child psychologists, did not conduct special research and did not defend their dissertations in family counseling, but their parenting methods speak for themselves. I think that as the eldest child in the family, I can say with all responsibility: maybe they are not ideal parents, but they did an excellent job with this job.

I know I sound like a kid who brags about his parents, but not only am I the eldest of seven children (six girls and one boy), but I also work for QBQ, where I help my father get the message across. personal responsibility through trainings public speaking and coaching. And, despite the fact that it is very difficult to run a family business, I like work for parents and with them. This alone is enough to understand the effectiveness of their parenting methods.

Of course, they made mistakes, and so did I, but in general, I always had an excellent relationship with them, which has survived to this day. I remember being genuinely perplexed when my friends complained about problems with their parents. Although I had moments of "lost balance", I never wanted my parents to leave me alone, nor to leave home.

The main reason I consider them good parents is that they are guided by a practical and actionable concept called The Question Behind the Question (QBQ), which allows them, as well as other parents, to develop personal responsibility for education. If parents were allowed to choose only one parenting method, it would definitely be QBQ.

My dad came up with this method before I entered adolescence. He then went on to teach the principle of "Personal Responsibility and QBQ" to the business world. Almost immediately, he noticed that clients wanted to use this technique at home in order to become good parents. He often heard: “I can apply this in the family just as well as in work!”

QBQ terminology soon seeped into everyday conversations across families, including our home. We children used to tease our parents, especially our father, from time to time with questions like: “Oh, dad, You would you like to ask a QBQ right now?!” Of course, we said it in jest, but we can really be called a QBQ family.

Great news: any family can be the same.

I am sure that adults do not have enough tools for raising children. Parenting is the hardest round-the-clock work. I always suspected it, but now I know not by hearsay: she herself became a mother. My husband Eric and I are grateful for a useful tool called QBQ, and not only us, but many other families as well. I receive letters from parents who describe parenting problems and how they use the method at home, wanting to better cope with their task of raising children.

But do not forget that initially this book was not addressed to parents. I remember one grandmother, hearing my father on the Dave Ramsey radio show, immediately bought two books on our website: QBQ! and Flipping the Switch, but soon after asked if they could be returned. When asked about the reasons, she replied that everything was “about business”, and she wanted her adult children to read the book and raise their grandchildren correctly.

Once I was having lunch with a friend who has two children. We chatted about our "mom" things, and she said: "The last thing I want to read is another book on parenting, which will tell you in detail and step by step what I must do. Almost none of these books can be applied in life. I need thoughts that will make me think and principles that will help me do better with raising children.” To which I replied: "My parents are just writing such a book."

So, here is a book written for parents, grandparents, and anyone interested in the best methods of parenting. We believe this type of book is needed for one reason: the art of parenting can be learned. Therefore, I promise that you will find practical and useful ideas in it, which, thanks to your perseverance in their implementation, will eventually turn into skills. Believe you will be rewarded!

Book Review: Rules for Happy Families.

Hello, dear readers of the Detology website!

What is QBQ?

It is the ability to ask the right, effective questions to find solutions. Initially, this method was used to build a successful business, but then the authors of the books decided to transfer it to the family.

There are FBs (wrong questions).

For example: “Why do I have such a difficult child?”, “Why do I need such a punishment?”, “When will they learn to do what I ask?”. It is natural to ask such questions, but directed at everything and everyone except the person asking the question, they indicate a lack of personal responsibility. These questions lead to nothing but self-pity and victimhood.

And with such a parent, the child will also grow up blaming everyone and everything around him ... I think many of you know people who are always to blame, and around them everyone is bad, does not understand, does not appreciate, etc.

The Millers' book covers this issue in more detail, but now I want to introduce you to it a little.

What are the right questions?

QBQ questions are primarily self-directed, such as: “What should I do differently?”, “How can I build a more trusting relationship with my child?”, “How can I help my child develop good habits?” and so on.

When we ask ourselves the right questions, finding solutions becomes much easier.

The most interesting thing is that the book describes many examples of how these same QBQ questions work.

Why should you read The Rules for Happy Families?

Because the book is written very easily and simply. It has many examples and practice.

Because I have not yet seen the consideration of issues from such a position, i.e., this is definitely something new, and not a transfusion from empty to empty, as in many books now.

Basically, the book is devoted to children of adolescence, in my opinion, this is due to the fact that the children of the authors are already at this age or older.

But the book is not dedicated only to teenagers, it is suitable for all parents: after all, the ability to correctly pose questions, the tasks of education, in the first place, is necessary from a very early age.

Remember that the problems of adolescence are mainly associated with unresolved problems more early periods, and correcting something at the age of 14 is already a thousand times harder than building harmonious relationships initially.

What problem is this book really suited to solving?

1. For parents of naughty children. The book will help you look at the situation differently in order to break out of the vicious circle.

2. For parents of dependent children. The book will help teach children responsibility and independence.

3. For parents who have a lot of NV in their heads? And this is probably the majority of parents, unfortunately.

Where can you find the book

John and Karen Miller "Happy Family Rules"? Here

Happymomsplace - #meeting places

Home
Rules for Happy Families. D. Miller, K. Miller. Book Review + Useful Parenting Materials

Rules for Happy Families. D. Miller, K. Miller. Book Review + Useful Parenting Materials

The book we're talking about today is Happy Family Rules by John and Karen Miller. In the article you will find a review of the book, useful tips on raising children and you will be able to download chapter 2 from the book!

Rules for Happy Families. D. Miller, K. Miller. Book review.

Before reading this book, I read John Miller's book "Proactive Thinking". I liked the book. The main idea of the book is personal responsibility for everything that happens in our lives. And this personal responsibility is born due to the fact that we ask ourselves the so-called right questions (RH): what, how, how, instead of the wrong ones (HW): who, when, why. John Miller called it all the QBQ ("Question by Question") method.

Have you noticed how often it happens in the world that people blame each other for all their troubles?! Yes, yes, it happens very often and in all areas. When we start to think proactively, that is, take responsibility into our own hands and ask what I can do now to change the situation, solve the problem, instead of looking for someone to blame, we make our lives better and better. I really liked what I read. I knew about many positions before, but never met it in the form of such a detailed method. “It is good to apply this method in family relationships,” I thought. And it turned out that John Miller, together with his wife Karen, wrote a book on the QBQ method specifically for families - Rules for Happy Families. Today we are going to talk about this book!

I hope I explain clearly! If you are a little confused now, then further, you should understand everything!

Here is what is written about the QBQ method in the book applicable to families:

“QBQ is a method that allows parents to develop personal responsibility and make the right decisions in the process of education. Parents should ask themselves the right questions (author's note).

Wrong question: why doesn't my daughter listen to my advice?

The right question is: What can I do to understand her needs?

Wrong question: Who made a mess here?

The right question is: How can I help my child develop good habits?

The right questions lead to the right decisions.”

Now about the book itself:

1. The first thing I want to say is that the book is very easy and quick to read, as it is in a small format (A5), each problem has a separate chapter, and the chapters are short. For those who like to read books on the road, carry several books with them, have some space in their bag - this book is perfect :) If you want to re-read this book or carry it around as a reminder of personal responsibility, then this book will definitely not take lots of space!

2. I also liked that at the beginning of each chapter there is a quote from a famous person or a verse from the Bible, which briefly convey the essence of the chapter.

3. Despite the fact that the book was written by American authors, there is no strong difference in the issues of upbringing and problems with children.

4. On the example of the stories of the Miller family (who, by the way, have 7 children: 4 of their own and 3 adopted) and not only, you will learn and remember many important moments in raising children. Lots of examples are always good! Practice is always better than just theory!

5. Even if you already know a lot about parenting and personal responsibility, the book will be useful to you. So she will once again remind you of important things.

So it was with me. At a difficult moment, when I was visiting relatives and blaming the whole world for the fact that someone was to blame for my troubles, the book brought me back to the track of personal responsibility. What can I do now to improve the situation?! That's what I asked myself :)

6. In general, the book is good! But sometimes I lacked practical steps to solve a particular problem. More in the book focuses on what questions you need to ask yourself in a given situation. And it says that by asking the right questions, you will learn to make the right decisions. And you need to look for these solutions yourself :) But who knows, if everything was described in such detail, perhaps it would be a completely different book :)

And now, let's take a closer look at some of the chapters from the book.

Here I will give an analysis of the chapters and some important points of raising children.

Chapter 1 "Personal Responsibility"

“You cannot avoid responsibility tomorrow by avoiding it today” (Abraham Lincoln).

As parents, we should remember that the way our children are is largely the result of our upbringing. Often parents try to shift the responsibility for raising their children to nannies, educators, teachers, doctors, grandparents, etc. But you see, even in this case, what kind of person your child will grow up to be is your responsibility. And you need to learn to take it on yourself! These are very important things. I hear a lot around how parents, describing problems that arise with a child, say that someone else is to blame for them: bad company, bad teacher, bad teacher, etc. What can I say, I sometimes see this temptation in myself ...

“If parents have problems with a teenager, then most likely they arose in early childhood. My child is a product of my upbringing.”

And as part of the QBQ method, parents must constantly learn to ask themselves the right questions: “What actions of mine created a problem?”, “Where do I start to parent differently?” ...

Chapter 2 "The art of parenting can be learned"

“Before getting married, I had six theories about raising children; now I have six children and no theory” (John Wilmot).

This chapter says that it is important for us as parents to learn, develop, and as a result, become the best. And it doesn’t go away that they say, why bother, they themselves will grow. Do you understand? Grow up, then grow up, but by whom?

Parents need to learn how to take care of their children and educate them. They have instincts, but it seems to me that this is not enough! I'm so sure :)

The good news is that the art of parenting can be learned! You will succeed, but you need to try and put a lot of effort! The fruits of education will not have to wait long! And I am learning, and will be learning for the rest of my life! None of us was a parent before having a baby!

Are you ready to learn?

Chapter 4 "Why me?"

“Self-pity is our worst enemy, and if we give in to it, we will never do anything good.” (Helen Keller)

Wrong questions like why me make a parent a victim who is constantly dissatisfied and complains about life. And in this case, there is no question of personal responsibility and effective upbringing, since the parent always blames the child, husband and everyone else for all the troubles. By asking the right questions, such as “What can I do to be a great mother to you,” instead of the wrong “why me?”, we will be one step closer to being good parents. And it will only benefit our family!

Similar thoughts can be found in Chapter 6 "No Complaints" which can be described with a quote:

“Do everything without grumbling or doubting” (Phil. 2:14).

Chapter 7 "Procrastination is a comrade of failure"

“God promises forgiveness and an answer to our repentance; but God does not promise anything for tomorrow if you are slow.” (Blessed Augustine)

What concerns the issues of education, does not tolerate delay! You yourself know and see how children grow and develop rapidly, so putting off their upbringing for later, we can miss something very important. It is always better to prevent a disease than to treat its consequences. “Procrastination is a friend of failure,” the book says. "Happy Families Rules". So let us not have such a comrade. Let's ask ourselves the right questions: "What can I do today to change everything?", "How can I solve this problem immediately?"

Chapter 8 "Urgency" emphasizes the thoughts of chapter 7, which can be described by a quote:

“I am convinced that action must be taken without delay. Knowing is not enough, you have to apply. Wanting is not enough, you have to do it” (Leonardo Da Vinci).

Chapter 12 "We are being watched"

"Children tend to ignore their parents' words, but never miss an opportunity to imitate them" (James Baldwin)

This phrase says it all. Children are a reflection of their parents! First of all, we, as parents, need to educate ourselves, and then our children! And if you don’t like some quality in your child, take a look at yourself, maybe the child adopted this quality from you ...

As they say in the book Rules for Happy Families. D. Miller, K. Miller:

If I do not want my children to use foul language, I need to watch my speech.

If I don't want my kids to complain about others, I need to criticize others less.

If I want my children to play sports, I should wash my bike and go for a ride.

Remember they are watching us!

Chapter 13 "Don't Forget About the Word 'I'"

“Judge not, lest you be judged, for with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with what measure you use, it will be measured to you again. And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not feel the beam in your eye? (Heb. Matt. 7:1-3)

Remember only person, which you can change - it's you! This is the essence of personal responsibility and the QBQ method.

Ask RP: “How can I change myself?”, “How can I develop personal skills?” etc.

Chapter 17 How to Become Strong Parents

“If we do not shape our children, they will be shaped by external forces who do not care what our children will turn out ”(Dr. Louise Hart)

This chapter was a revelation for me. It would seem that we are talking about discipline - a well-known concept. But I never thought about it, as it is written about it in the book. And I discovered some things that should not be allowed to a child.

There is a so-called weak education. In this case, with the conniving attitude of the parents, the child becomes "his own master" and does what he wants.

In the case of a strong upbringing, a firm approach is characteristic, when parents lovingly teach the child that they are the highest authority. The main goal is to develop self-discipline in the child. Parents don't shy away from responsibility, referring to the fact that "Too tired" or "It won't work."

“Strong parents understand that it is their responsibility (which they themselves have taken on) to firmly and decisively shape the personality of their children on the path to adulthood. Good parents discipline themselves in order to discipline their children,” writes John Miller.

As you read the chapter, you will also find a list control questions, thanks to the answers to which, you will understand whether the time has come for you to be strong parents.

Chapter 25 "Speak well of children"

“Keep your tongue from evil and your mouth from deceitful words” (Psalms 33:14)

How many times have you heard parents speak badly of their children, even as a joke? A lot, it seems to me. So, positive thinking is always better than negative thinking. For example, as they say in the book:

“She will drive me crazy with her tantrums!

I just put my baby to bed - I will finally rest for a couple of hours!

Do you think you have a difficult child? Wait, he'll go to high school!

In addition to the fact that such negative statements and jokes humiliate the child, they deprive us of the joy of parenting and can even undermine the faith of other parents in their children and in their own strength!

Talk about children well!

Chapter 26 "Family Team"

“If the family were a ship, it would be a canoe that would not move until everyone started rowing” (Letty Pogrebin)

Recently I was thinking about how important it is to be a team in a family. Society in many ways tries to violate the integrity of the family, offering its own interests and values, but being a single whole is the most important task for all family members.

Parents should ask themselves: “What can I do to create a strong team in my home?”, “How can I show that I value the time spent together”, etc.

Chapter 32 "Grandparents"

“There are no better nannies than the older generation. They can safely be trusted with a child for a long time, which is why most grandparents run away to Florida!” (Dave Barry)

For me, this chapter was also a revelation. At the time of writing this review, we were also visiting my husband's relatives. Aunts and uncles, grandmothers, grandfathers, great-grandmothers and great-grandfathers came together ... There were many opinions and thoughts about how to raise my child. You understand :). Although, in general, they do not interfere much in our lives, but right there under the same roof ... :)

With a wealth of information available about parenting and childcare, I was often skeptical about the advice of relatives, but after reading this chapter, I changed my mind. The chapter says that all the same, discarding pride and prejudice, it is worth listening to the advice of elders! The authors teach that it is necessary to define the role of grandparents in the upbringing of children and be able to convey their position to them, asking themselves the following questions: “How to set the right boundaries?”, “How can I learn from those who have walked this path” ...

Chapter 34 "Ready for Life"

“We cannot always make the future better for our children, but we can always prepare them for it.” (Franklin Roosevelt)

Much has already been said in this phrase, our task is to teach children how to live in this world, and not try to do everything for them. We must give them knowledge, both spiritually and practically. Give as much knowledge as possible! Teach them to be good husbands/wives/friends/colleagues/servants of God….good people!

Questions parents should ask themselves are: “How do I determine what skills my child will need and teach them?”, “How can I help him prepare for a successful life?”…

“In the end, if we are close to the children and teach them to work productively and enjoy it, we can say with a clear conscience that they are absolutely ready for life” ,- written by the authors of the book Rules for Happy Families.

Chapter 35 Final QBQ Question

“Education never ends. It just changes shape. As children grow up, we as parents must adjust to new relationships and new role accept the growing up of children and their independence. And to be able to ask yourself a question in time, the final QBQ question: “How can I learn to let go of what I am not able to control?”, - they write in the book.

You have to learn to let go...

There is much more I would like to tell you and discuss this book. But then you will not be interested in reading it :) I recommend this book for reading! And I look forward to your feedback and impressions, and also, if you want to discuss some points from the book, write in the comments!

You can download the second chapter of the book here.

And the last thing I want to say ... I recently thought about what kind of people read my posts, and answered myself that my readers are responsible and caring parents who care about their children and how they raise them! It's great, but it's sad that many parents who need this information also don't get it. Therefore, I urge you, dear reader, to share the information you read with other parents in your environment, show by example how you can raise children well, let's read useful books to them ... It is important to spread good information among people. Let's hope that the sown word-seed will sprout in their heart and give good fruit!

Are you all taught to live?! Knowledge is power! Read us! Be smart, confident and happy!

Rules for happy families Book for Responsible Parents

Volume: 90 pages 8 illustrations
Genre: in the upbringing of children, foreign applied literature
Tags: in education and pedagogy, home education, books for parents, family pedagogy, advice to parents

If you are about to have children, or are now surrounded by crawling children, or your offspring have already left the parental nest, you will not find a more useful book! It is written with soul and heart by parents who know the joys and sorrows, victories and defeats that all moms and dads face. Thoughtful comments, observations and advice from experienced parents (the authors have seven children) truly inspire, encourage action and encourage them to learn personal responsibility in education.

Published in Russian for the first time.

Age limit: 12+
Release date on LitRes: October 17, 2013
Date of writing: 2013
Volume: 90 pages 8 illustrations

ISBN: 978-5-91657-916-1
Translator: Elena Buznikova
Copyright holder: Mann, Ivanov and Ferber (MIF)
Table of contents

Confidence that one person can change another is a fundamental mistake.

If we do not want to renounce the leading role in the upbringing of our children, then to the question: “Whose responsibility is it to raise children?” - must answer: "Mine!"

Useful for understanding

Those who expect specifics from this book will certainly be disappointed. The authors do not give practical advice. They only say that one must be conscious of life and take responsibility for it. One should not deceive oneself by shifting the responsibility for, say, the inappropriate behavior of one's own children to their bad character. We need to think about our responsibility in this and about what can be done to change the current situation. The book is interesting. Examples from life are given, which always simplifies perception. Generally, it is easy to read. It helps, perhaps, to take a fresh look at yourself, at your life. Inspires awareness, teaches you to ask the “right” questions. But, unfortunately, closing the book, you understand that having learned to ask these very “correct” questions, you do not always know where to find the right answers to them. That, in my opinion, is the biggest weakness of this book.

Miller, Miller: Rules for Happy Families. Book of Responsible Parents

Parenting th QBQ Way

Synopsis for The Rules for Happy Families. Book of Responsible Parents»

Thoughtful comments.

“Before I was married, I had six theories about parenting. Now I have six children and no theories.” John Wilmot, English poet.
Quite often we hear complaints:
"Why don't my kids do what I say?" "Who made this mess?" “When will my teens learn to take responsibility for their actions?”
Questions like these, which many parents ask, lead to feelings of guilt, procrastination, and a general depressive mood. But there is a solution - simple technique VZV (question by question), which will bring personal responsibility into family life.
Instead of ineffective questions like “Why don’t my kids listen to me?” or “When they finally do, what am I asking?”, it’s worth asking better questions: “What should I do differently?” or “How can I be a better parent?” This simple yet challenging belief concept shifts attention - and responsibility - back to parents and what they can do for their children.
Thoughtful comments, observations and advice are truly inspiring and motivating.
book chips
The authors are experienced parents with seven children.
About authors
John Miller is a graduate of Cornell University and the founder of QBQ. Since 1986 he has specialized in training and education. He has worked with many of the largest companies, public and private organizations and thousands of private clients, teaching them the core value of personal responsibility. Karen Miller has mentored mothers of preschoolers at MOP (Mothers of Preschoolers) and MomsNext. She held leadership positions in the Society for the Study of the Bible, worked as a nurse for 16 years. John and Karen have been married since 1980 and have seven (!) children.
Who is this book for?
For all parents who want to raise their child as a free, responsible and balanced person.

This is interesting:

Return of goods Attention! Returns will only be accepted for items purchased from the Karen Millen online store. Similar products purchased from the Karen Millen retail store, as well as other retail stores, cannot be returned. Every choice you make at Karen Millen is […]
Passive voice Active and passive voice in English language coincide with the meaning of the corresponding pledges in Russian. The verb in the active voice (Active Voice) shows that the action is performed by a person or object expressed by the subject. He often asks questions. […]
The director of "Mad Max" sued the studio Warner The trial was not held in California, as is usually the case with Hollywood projects, but in the court of New South Wales in Australia. Plaintiff is Kennedy Miller Mitchell, believed to be the oldest film production company in […]
Current version In accordance with Article 6.2 federal law dated July 17, 1999 N 178-FZ "On the state social assistance"(Collection of Legislation Russian Federation, 1999, N 29, art. 3699; 2004, N 35, art. 3607; 2006, N 48, art. 4945), paragraph 5.2.34 of the Regulations on […]
Murder committed in a state of passion (Article 107 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation) Murder in a state of passion (Article 107 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation) A murder committed in a state of passion is a murder that was completely in a state of extreme emotional excitement (which arose suddenly) and was caused by the following […]
Calculator for calculating interest under Art. 395 of the Civil Code of the Russian Federation Permanent link to the calculation: http://395gk.ru Calculation of interest according to the rules of article 395 of the Civil Code of the Russian Federation Permanent link to the calculation: http://395gk.ru The information obtained as a result of the calculation is for reference only. The calculator allows […]

Karen Miller, John Miller

Rules for happy families Book for Responsible Parents

Published with permission from Perigee, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

Legal support of the publishing house is provided by the law firm "Vegas-Lex"

This book is well complemented by:

Make your kids successful

Jim Rogers

whole life

Les Hewitt, Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen

Strength of will

Kelly McGonigal

Personal development

Stephen Pavlina

Don't go for marmalade

Joaquim de Posada, Ellen Singer

Foreword

It is striking that the ten commandments do not contain any obligations of parents towards the child. It must have seemed to God unnecessary to regulate by law that which He guards by love.

Robert Brolt

I know I sound like a kid who brags about his parents, but not only am I the eldest of seven children (six girls and one boy), but I also work for QBQ, where I help my father get the message across. personal responsibility through training, public speaking and coaching. And, despite the fact that it is very difficult to run a family business, I like work for parents and with them. This alone is enough to understand the effectiveness of their parenting methods.

Great news: any family can be the same.

Kristin Lindin www.qbq.com

Personal responsibility

You cannot avoid responsibility tomorrow by avoiding it today.

Abraham Lincoln

Our 20-year-old daughter Molly was babysitting a neighbor's 12-year-old boy one weekend whose parents were away. Saturday morning, Molly brought the guy over to us, bringing along his buddy Grayson. We had never seen Grayson before, and we didn't know his parents either. We did not know what kind of people they were, where they came from, what they did, but something we became aware of them thanks to a visual testimony - their son.

Our ranch in Colorado covers several acres with a large barn and swimming pool. There are signs everywhere that many children live here (we have seven of them): a trampoline, a rope, a battered ATV and a bunch of "electronic toys" at home. Our kids Christine, Tara, Michael, Molly, Charlene, Jazzy and Natasha love this house. So the boys had fun all day long until it got dark.

Around seven in the evening, Molly shouted: "Guys, it's time to go home!" We heard a quick thump and the noise of doors opening and closing, we thought that the boys had run out of the house, so we were a little taken aback when Grayson appeared in the living room.

“Thank you for inviting me over, Mr. and Mrs. Miller!”

“Not at all,” we replied. - We hope you had a good time.

- Not that word!

- Will you visit us again? Karen asked.

- Certainly. Thank you!

- Great! So long, Grayson.

- Have a nice evening. Goodbye!

Wow! Did we just talk to a very polite young man who thanked us? Did he just say, "Have a nice evening"?

It immediately became clear to us: he did not catch it, staring at the TV screen. He adopted this demeanor from his parents, because, like all children, Grayson is a product of parental upbringing.

Someone wants to argue about what comes first - “nature or nurture”, but we will not delve into this topic. Of course, some character traits or features are already inherent in the child from the very beginning, but if we are not vigilant, we will each time begin to refer to nature, wanting to justify the actions of our children. Because this book is about personal responsibility in front of children, we strive to encourage parents (and we are no exception) to look for reasons why children think and behave the way they do, in education. Today there is an opinion that children need to be “educated in character”. This is important, but the whole point is that the character is formed under the influence of parents.

We know this is hard for many moms and dads to accept, which is why we say it now to set the tone for this book on personal responsibility:

If parents have problems with a teenager, then most likely they arose in early childhood.

We recently received a letter from parents:

Our eighth grade son drives us crazy! Once a week, he must empty all the bins in the house, collect the garbage in bags and put them on the side of the road for a garbage truck to pick them up. But instead, he constantly drags large buckets out into the street, knowing that this is not the way to do it! He behaves the same way in other situations. When he doesn't set the alarm and is late, he blames his sister for not waking him up. If we ask him to break away from computer games and take up homework, at first he does not pay attention to us, and then he says that we are “nitpicking”. If he is not ready for the piano lesson, then he does not feel at all responsible for the teacher. What should we do? Help!

Current page: 1 (total book has 7 pages) [accessible reading excerpt: 2 pages]

Font:

100% +

Karen Miller, John Miller
Rules for happy families Book for Responsible Parents

Published with permission from Perigee, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

Legal support of the publishing house is provided by the law firm "Vegas-Lex"

This book is well complemented by:

Make your kids successful

Jim Rogers

whole life

Les Hewitt, Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen

Strength of will

Kelly McGonigal

Personal development

Stephen Pavlina

Don't go for marmalade

Joaquim de Posada, Ellen Singer

Foreword

It is striking that the ten commandments do not contain any obligations of parents towards the child. It must have seemed to God unnecessary to regulate by law that which He guards by love.

Robert Brolt 1
Robert Brolt is an American writer. Note. ed.

I know I sound like a kid who brags about his parents, but not only am I the eldest of seven children (six girls and one boy), but I also work for QBQ, where I help my father get the message across. personal responsibility through training, public speaking and coaching. And, despite the fact that it is very difficult to run a family business, I like work for parents and with them. This alone is enough to understand the effectiveness of their parenting methods.

Great news: any family can be the same.

Kristin Lindin

Chapter 1
Personal responsibility

You cannot avoid responsibility tomorrow by avoiding it today.

Abraham Lincoln

“Thank you for inviting me over, Mr. and Mrs. Miller!”

“Not at all,” we replied. - We hope you had a good time.

- Not that word!

- Will you visit us again? Karen asked.

- Certainly. Thank you!

- Great! So long, Grayson.

- Have a nice evening. Goodbye!

Wow! Did we just talk to a very polite young man who thanked us? Did he just say, "Have a nice evening"?

It immediately became clear to us: he did not catch it, staring at the TV screen. He adopted this demeanor from his parents, because, like all children, Grayson is a product of parental upbringing.

We know this is hard for many moms and dads to accept, which is why we say it now to set the tone for this book on personal responsibility:

If parents have problems with a teenager, then most likely they arose in early childhood.

We recently received a letter from parents:

Our eighth grade son drives us crazy! Once a week, he must empty all the bins in the house, collect the garbage in bags and put them on the side of the road for a garbage truck to pick them up. But instead, he constantly drags large buckets out into the street, knowing that this is not the way to do it! He behaves the same way in other situations. When he doesn't set the alarm and is late, he blames his sister for not waking him up. If we ask him to break away from computer games and take on homework, at first he does not pay attention to us, and then he says that we are “nitpicking”. If he is not ready for the piano lesson, then he does not feel at all responsible for the teacher. What should we do? Help!

The situation, of course, is difficult, and we sincerely sympathize with these people, but such problems do not appear suddenly. This is the result of parenting. Therefore, you should not ask “Why do I have such a difficult child?” and “When will it change?”. We call these kinds of questions wrong questions, or IQs. The right questions are: What my actions created this problem? and "From what to me start to educate in a different way? These questions, which we call QBQ, not only represent a responsible approach, but also force learning, and where there is learning, there is change. It is enough for parents to change their way of thinking and learn the following principle.

My child is a product of my upbringing.

We know that some people will want to argue, pointing out other factors that affect the child. They can be understood. But we believe that it will be easier to learn personal responsibility in education if you do not oppose this principle, but take it as a basis. With such a solid foundation, any parent can become the best dad or mom in the world, regardless of the age of the child.

Chapter 2
The art of parenting can be learned

Before getting married, I had six theories about parenting; Now I have six children and not a single theory.

John Wilmot 2
John Wilmot, 2nd Earl of Rochester (1647–1680) is one of the most important English poets of the Restoration era. Known mainly as an original satirist and author of excellent lyric poems. Note. transl.

Karen settled into her chair and prepared for the two-hour flight. Directly behind her sat a charming boy of about four years old, his parents were located on the sides of him. Like almost all boys at this age, he was very active. Karen felt it firsthand: he was constantly kicking the back of her seat, and they hadn't even taken off yet!

This went on for several minutes, until the father threatened his son:

“If you don’t leave this lady’s chair alone, Santa won’t bring you anything for Christmas.”

Hearing her father's words, Karen sympathized with the boy. She was tempted to turn around and say, "It's okay, don't worry." But before she could even open her mouth, her behavior worsened. But not a child, but parents! Mom entered the conversation with an ominous prediction:

If you don't calm down, the police will come and take you to jail.

When the plane took off, the kid sat down with a coloring book. Peace and quiet reigned until the mother began to make remarks:

You're pushing too hard on the paper. You'll break the stylus like that. And don't go out of line!

Twenty minutes later, the child was handed a DVD player without headphones. For the next hour, he watched a movie at full volume, preventing the surrounding passengers from talking, thinking, and just sleeping!

As the plane landed and the passengers began disembarking, Karen heard from the young couple:

“Now I understand why our parents gave us some brandy before the flight. Maybe we should do the same next time?

We all know that flying with small children is not an easy task, but we still agree that parents in this case could have handled their baby differently. Sure, they could benefit from a couple of tips for parents - why don't they work on themselves? As Kristin noted in the preface, “the art of parenting can be learned.” If parents just ignore it and don't try to be better, they won't get the results they expected when they made the decision to have a baby. We are all capable of absorbing new ideas, implementing new techniques, and forming new habits, and if we succeed, both adults and children will benefit.

Chapter 3
Learn to ask deep questions

A smart question is a good half of knowledge.

Francis Bacon

Personal responsibility is a sure principle that will enable parents to eliminate victim thinking, complaining, procrastinating, and blaming from parenting. When we lament over the actions of our children, when we procrastinate, waiting for someone else to do something, when we look for scapegoats, there is no personal responsibility in our actions. But we can work it out with a tool called QBQ.

QBQ stands for Question Behind the Question and is defined like this:

QBQ is a method that allows parents to develop personal responsibility and make the right decisions in the process of parenting.

All this is achieved through the right questions. Faced with the problem of education or experiencing a feeling of disappointment, we mentally ask ourselves the following questions: “Well, why do the children not obey me?” and “When will they start doing what I ask?” It is natural to ask them, and the reasons for their occurrence can be understood, but directed at everything and everyone except the person asking the question, they indicate a lack of personal responsibility. Just looking deep into these questions, we will find the right ones. For example: “What should I do differently?” and “How to be a good parent?” Asking these questions, you will focus on yourself and try to change something. You have no idea how positively the new wording will affect you and your family.

QBQ is an applied educational tool built on three simple principles helping to formulate responsible questions:

1. QBQs start with what, how, and how, not why, when, and who:

a) “why” questions lead to complaints and activate the victim’s thinking, for example: “Why is parenting so hard?” or “Why is my child doing poorly?”;

b) “when” questions lead to procrastination, such as “When will my kids start doing what I ask?” or “When is someone going to take care of this?”;

c) questions of "who" cause accusations and the search for the guilty: "Who did this?" or “Who will help my kids get good grades?”

3. QBQ always prioritize actions. Personal responsibility brings about positive change now, allowing us to contribute to education and influence the situation.

The fundamental idea of QBQ:

Quality questions generate quality answers. The QBQ principles show how to formulate and ask quality questions. We will also look at the types of questions to avoid, but the main thing to remember is that QBQs are questions about us, is a tool that allows us to shape our own thinking. Of course, many questions can be said out loud, such as "How can I help you?" But in most cases, QBQ is the right question to ask about ourselves, because it is We we can find the right answer.

Moreover, the QBQ method not only helps to ask the right questions, but also prompts right decisions. Parents have to make many decisions every day. And what do we usually choose? The second option that came to mind. In these moments, there is a wonderful opportunity to change something, to change your way of thinking. Helping to make the right decisions, QBQ teaches you to control your thoughts and allows you to transform your life and approaches to education.

We know parents want practical tools, and we believe QBQ is the practical guide you need to successfully raise your kids. But in order to learn how to apply it, you need to learn certain terminology and formulations. Wrong Questions (IQs) start with why, when, and who and lead to victim thinking, complaints, procrastination, and blame. By comparing HB and QBQ, you will understand how easy it is to implement this effective method in life:

Please read the comparison table carefully. Feel what it means to ask the right questions, QBQ. Imagine how personal responsibility brought into education will be reflected in the family. And don't be afraid: anyone can implement the QBQ method immediately!

Thirty-year-old Corey, a sales manager and father of two boys, attended a corporate QBQ training. Realizing that the technique could be used much more widely, he looked forward to when he would begin to implement it in the family. Remembering what distinguishes QBQ from HB, he called his sons to him and asked:

- Guys, what can I do to become a good dad for you?

According to him, the seven-year-old son hugged him, and the twelve-year-old made a whole list!

If you are asking responsible questions at home, then be prepared for the fact that the answers may surprise you! But once you start educating by the QBQ method, you will see that everything changes for the better - to everyone's pleasure.

Chapter 4
Why me?

Self-pity is our worst enemy, and if we give in to it, we will never do anything good.

Helen Keller 3
Helen Keller (1880–1968), deaf-blind American writer, teacher and public figure. Note. transl.

As we strive to be good parents, remember this: Victim parents are always whining. Who wants to be next to a whiner?

Entering the victim mindset begins with asking the wrong questions (WQ):

Why is no one here helping me?

Why won't my baby eat what I give him?

Why don't my kids listen to me?

Why don't teachers help in education?

Why is my daughter not trying?

Why is my son so irresponsible?

Why is everything so hard?

Raising children is not easy, but questions about me, the poor, unfortunate, lead to endless complaints from some parents. With all due respect to you, we believe that parents asking “Why me?” questions should be sent to the “bench”!

Sheri, the mother of an 11-year-old girl, works full-time for a pharmaceutical company. In her letter, she lamented her relationship with her daughter Amy. After the divorce, Sheri raised the girl on her own, but at one point she realized that she was too tense, screamed too much and simply could not cope with the role of a single mother. But she didn't know what to change. According to her confession, she asked a lot of ineffective and wrong questions-why:

Why don't you put more effort into your studies?

Why are you so gloomy all the time?

Why don't you clean your room when I ask?

Why don't you start another company?

At work, Sheri completed the training “Personal responsibility and QBQ!”. Having learned to ask QBQ during professional activity, it suddenly dawned on her: after all, they can be asked and Houses!

That evening she asked her daughter:

What can I do right now to be a good mother to you?

The gateway has opened. Sheri did not even have time to come to her senses, as Amy blurted out:

“Stop pissing off my friends!”

Sheri was dumbfounded. She expected anything but this. “Did I criticize my daughter's friends? Am I such a picky mother? - flashed through her head. But she pulled herself together:

- What do you mean, dear? Tell me more.

According to Sheri, the most important conversation in her life lasted about an hour. Through laughter and tears, mother and daughter made contact, and there was a breakthrough in their relationship. Both of this conversation have wonderful memories. And all because the mother, who almost slipped into the mindset of the victim thanks to dangerous why questions, asked her daughter in time a question that begins with the words “what” and “how”, contains personal pronouns and is aimed at specific actions.

Sheri took a better path to personal responsibility by replacing HB from Why Doesn't My Baby Change? and “Why is he always rebelling?” on QBQ: "What to me do to understand it?”, “How to change his behavior at home? and, of course, "What to me do to be a great mother to you?”

Deep questions are a great application tool to help us become ideal parents. In addition, it gets rid of the victim mentality, which does not benefit anyone.

Karen Miller, John Miller

Rules for happy families Book for Responsible Parents

Published with permission from Perigee, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

Legal support of the publishing house is provided by the law firm "Vegas-Lex"

This book is well complemented by:

Make your kids successful

Jim Rogers

whole life

Les Hewitt, Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen

Strength of will

Kelly McGonigal

Personal development

Stephen Pavlina

Don't go for marmalade

Joaquim de Posada, Ellen Singer

Foreword

It is striking that the ten commandments do not contain any obligations of parents towards the child. It must have seemed to God unnecessary to regulate by law that which He guards by love.

Robert Brolt

I know I sound like a kid who brags about his parents, but not only am I the eldest of seven children (six girls and one boy), but I also work for QBQ, where I help my father get the message across. personal responsibility through training, public speaking and coaching. And, despite the fact that it is very difficult to run a family business, I like work for parents and with them. This alone is enough to understand the effectiveness of their parenting methods.

Rules for Happy Families. D. Miller, K. Miller. Book review.

I hope I explain clearly! If you are a little confused now, then further, you should understand everything!

Here is what is written about the QBQ method in the book applicable to families:

“QBQ is a method that allows parents to develop personal responsibility and make the right decisions in the process of education. Parents should ask themselves the right questions (author's note).

Compare:

Wrong question: why doesn't my daughter listen to my advice?

The right question is: What can I do to understand her needs?

Wrong question: Who made a mess here?

The right question is: How can I help my child develop good habits?

The right questions lead to the right decisions.”

Now about the book itself:

2. I also liked that at the beginning of each chapter there is a quote from a famous person or a verse from the Bible, which briefly convey the essence of the chapter.

3. Despite the fact that the book was written by American authors, there is no strong difference in the issues of upbringing and problems with children.

5. Even if you already know a lot about parenting and personal responsibility, the book will be useful to you. So she will once again remind you of important things.

And now, let's take a closer look at some of the chapters from the book.

Here I will give an analysis of the chapters and some important points of raising children.

Chapter 1 "Personal Responsibility"

“You cannot avoid responsibility tomorrow by avoiding it today” (Abraham Lincoln).

As parents, we should remember that the way our children are is largely the result of our upbringing. Often parents try to shift the responsibility for raising their children to nannies, educators, teachers, doctors, grandparents, etc. But you see, even in this case, what kind of person your child will grow up to be is your responsibility. And you need to learn to take it on yourself! These are very important things. I hear a lot around how parents, describing problems that arise with a child, say that someone else is to blame for them: a bad company, a bad teacher, a bad educator, etc. What can I say, I sometimes see this temptation in myself ...

The book says:

“If parents have problems with a teenager, then most likely they arose in early childhood. My child is a product of my upbringing.”

And as part of the QBQ method, parents must constantly learn to ask themselves the right questions: “What actions of mine created a problem?”, “Where do I start to parent differently?” ...

Chapter 2 "The art of parenting can be learned"

“Before getting married, I had six theories about raising children; now I have six children and no theory” (John Wilmot).

Parents need to learn how to take care of their children and educate them. They have instincts, but it seems to me that this is not enough! I'm so sure :)

Are you ready to learn?

Chapter 4 "Why me?"

“Self-pity is our worst enemy, and if we give in to it, we will never do anything good.” (Helen Keller)

Similar thoughts can be found in Chapter 6 "No Complaints" which can be described with a quote:

“Do everything without grumbling or doubting” (Phil. 2:14).

Chapter 7 "Procrastination is a comrade of failure"

“God promises forgiveness and an answer to our repentance; but God does not promise anything for tomorrow if you are slow.” (Blessed Augustine)

What concerns the issues of education, does not tolerate delay! You yourself know and see how children grow and develop rapidly, so putting off their upbringing for later, we can miss something very important. It is always better to prevent a disease than to treat its consequences. “Procrastination is the comrade of failure,” the book says. "Happy Families Rules". So let us not have such a comrade. Let's ask ourselves the right questions: "What can I do today to change everything?", "How can I solve this problem immediately?"

Chapter 8 "Urgency" emphasizes the thoughts of chapter 7, which can be described by a quote:

“I am convinced that action must be taken without delay. Knowing is not enough, you have to apply. Wanting is not enough, you have to do it” (Leonardo Da Vinci).

Chapter 12 "We are being watched"

"Children tend to ignore their parents' words, but never miss an opportunity to imitate them" (James Baldwin)

As they say in the book Rules for Happy Families. D. Miller, K. Miller:

- If I don't want my children to use foul language, I need to watch my speech.

- If I don't want my children to complain about others, I need to criticize others less

— If I want my children to play sports, I should wash my bike and go for a walk.

Remember they are watching us!

Chapter 13 "Don't Forget About the Word 'I'"

Remember, the only person you can change is yourself! This is the essence of personal responsibility and the QBQ method.

Ask RP: “How can I change myself?”, “How can I develop personal skills?” etc.

Chapter 17 How to Become Strong Parents

“If we do not shape our children, they will be shaped by external forces that do not care what our children will turn out.” (Dr. Louise Hart)

There is a so-called weak education. In this case, with the conniving attitude of the parents, the child becomes "his own master" and does what he wants.

As you read through the chapter, you'll also find a list of checklists to help you figure out if it's time for you to be strong parents.

Chapter 25 "Speak well of children"

“Keep your tongue from evil and your mouth from deceitful words” (Psalms 33:14)

“She will drive me crazy with her tantrums!

I just put my baby to bed - I will finally rest for a couple of hours!

Do you think you have a difficult child? Wait, he'll go to high school!

Talk about children well!

Chapter 26 "Family Team"

“If the family were a ship, it would be a canoe that would not move until everyone started rowing” (Letty Pogrebin)

Parents should ask themselves: “What can I do to create a strong team in my home?”, “How can I show that I value the time spent together”, etc.

Chapter 32 "Grandparents"

“There are no better nannies than the older generation. They can safely be trusted with a child for a long time, which is why most grandparents run away to Florida!” (Dave Barry)

Chapter 34 "Ready for Life"

“We cannot always make the future better for our children, but we can always prepare them for it.” (Franklin Roosevelt)

Questions parents should ask themselves are: “How do I determine what skills my child will need and teach them?”, “How can I help him prepare for a successful life?”…

“In the end, if we are close to the children and teach them to work productively and enjoy it, we can say with a clear conscience that they are absolutely ready for life”, - written by the authors of the book Rules for Happy Families.

Chapter 35 Final QBQ Question

“Education never ends. It just changes shape. When children grow up, we parents must adapt to new relationships and new roles, accept the growing up of children and their independence. And to be able to ask yourself a question in time, the final QBQ question: “How can I learn to let go of what I am not able to control?”,- they write in the book.

You have to learn to let go...

The second chapter of the book you can download from the link .

(Visited 1 533 time, 1 visit today)

Are you all taught to live?! Knowledge is power! Read us! Be smart, confident and happy!

Published in ,
Tagged ,

John Miller rules happy families. Happy Family Rules by John Miller and Karen Miller. Book Review "The Rules for Happy Families"

Book Review: Rules for Happy Families.

What is QBQ?

There are FBs (wrong questions).

What are the right questions?

Why should you read The Rules for Happy Families?

What problem is this book really suited to solving?

Where can you find the book

John and Karen Miller "Happy Family Rules"? Here

Happymomsplace - #meeting places

Rules for Happy Families. D. Miller, K. Miller. Book Review + Useful Parenting Materials

Rules for Happy Families. D. Miller, K. Miller. Book review.

Now about the book itself:

And now, let's take a closer look at some of the chapters from the book.

Chapter 1 "Personal Responsibility"

Chapter 2 "The art of parenting can be learned"

Chapter 4 "Why me?"

Chapter 7 "Procrastination is a comrade of failure"

Chapter 12 "We are being watched"

Chapter 13 "Don't Forget About the Word 'I'"

Chapter 17 How to Become Strong Parents

Chapter 25 "Speak well of children"

Chapter 26 "Family Team"

Chapter 32 "Grandparents"

Chapter 34 "Ready for Life"

Chapter 35 Final QBQ Question

Rules for happy families Book for Responsible Parents

Miller, Miller: Rules for Happy Families. Book of Responsible Parents

Parenting th QBQ Way

Synopsis for The Rules for Happy Families. Book of Responsible Parents»

This is interesting:

Karen Miller, John Miller Rules for happy families Book for Responsible Parents

Foreword

Chapter 1 Personal responsibility

If parents have problems with a teenager, then most likely they arose in early childhood.

My child is a product of my upbringing.

Chapter 2 The art of parenting can be learned

Chapter 3 Learn to ask deep questions

QBQ is a method that allows parents to develop personal responsibility and make the right decisions in the process of parenting.

Chapter 4 Why me?

Rules for Happy Families. D. Miller, K. Miller. Book review.

Now about the book itself:

And now, let's take a closer look at some of the chapters from the book.

Chapter 1 "Personal Responsibility"

Chapter 2 "The art of parenting can be learned"

Chapter 4 "Why me?"

Chapter 7 "Procrastination is a comrade of failure"

Chapter 12 "We are being watched"

Chapter 13 "Don't Forget About the Word 'I'"

Chapter 17 How to Become Strong Parents

Chapter 25 "Speak well of children"

Chapter 26 "Family Team"

Chapter 32 "Grandparents"

Chapter 34 "Ready for Life"

Chapter 35 Final QBQ Question

Collection of ideal social studies essays

Anti-Soviet rebellion in Hungary (1956)

Karen Miller, John Miller
Rules for happy families Book for Responsible Parents

Chapter 1
Personal responsibility

Chapter 2
The art of parenting can be learned

Chapter 3
Learn to ask deep questions

Chapter 4
Why me?