Richard O'Connor is the author of The Psychology bad habits". In it, he combined knowledge from psychology and the science of the human brain, which will help people understand the nature of their actions and, if desired, get rid of unwanted addictions.
It is known that almost every person has certain bad habits. Sometimes he is aware of them, tries to fight, in other cases he does not even understand that he himself is destroying his life, looking for reasons in the outside world. But giving up bad habits is often very difficult.
If only understanding the problem was enough for our brain, awareness negative impact this or that predilection, then everything would be solved much easier. However, understanding alone is not enough. Our brain seems to be divided into two parts, one of which seeks to change everything, and the other is trying with all its might to maintain the existing order. That's it about the features of our brain, the duality of our consciousness and will be discussed in this book.
After readers understand what is the root of their problems, it will be much easier to work on themselves, get rid of addictions. This book is suitable for everyone, even those who are already completely desperate in their attempts. After all, among bad habits you can see not only cravings for alcohol and drugs.
Human life is filled with a variety of destructive habits. For example, it can be overeating, dependence on virtual reality and TV, gambling, sexual intimacy, theft. Many people depend on work without giving themselves a break, because of which their relationships with loved ones and health suffer. They promise themselves every day that they will spend more time with their family, but this is again postponed until tomorrow. Isn't this a bad habit? They also include constant lateness, an unconscious choice of destructive relationships, the life position of a victim and a martyr, perfectionism. Precisely because the book explains how our brain works, helping to fight many habits, we can say that it will be useful to everyone.
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We have two brains: one wants well, and the other is desperately resisting in an attempt to maintain the status quo. The "Conscious Self" can make mistakes, but all the troubles fall on our head through the fault of the "involuntary Self". We must train our "involuntary self" to make wiser unconscious decisions.
depressive realism
All study participants were given joysticks and sat down to play a video game on a monitor. They weren't told that the joysticks didn't actually work, and that the game was developing according to a random scenario. The most depressed students discovered this fact faster than others.
When the battery runs out
Make the defeat especially painful. Tell all your friends about your plans and constantly tell them about your progress towards the goal, for example on social networks. Ask your friends: as soon as they notice that you have stopped telling them about yourself, let them suspect something was wrong and ring all the bells.
At the finish line
In Vietnam, every soldier had a release date from military service. As you get closer last day in the war, men began to worry: no one wanted to be killed or wounded a couple of steps from home. They lost their jungle survival skills and were more likely to die or be injured when their due date was very close.
Power of action
Actions help you think. Even an action that does not lead to any results provides new information and a fresh perspective. Action helps you feel better about yourself. Action brings good luck. Action reveals our resistance. Action helps mobilize your feelings.
Psychological fitness
The brain creates new connections and strengthens them when you exercise. The more you practice self-control, the easier it becomes. The psychic gym is bearing fruit, we just need to visit it more often.
Richard O'Connor
Psychology of bad habits
Richard O'Connor
Change Your Brain to Break Bad Habits, Overcome Addictions, Conquer Self-Destructive Behavior
Scientific editor Anna Logvinskaya
Published with permission from Richard O'Connor, PhD, c/o Levine Greenberg Literary Agency and Synopsis Literary Agency
Legal support for the publishing house is provided by Vegas Lex law firm.
© Richard O'Connor, PhD, 2014
© Translation into Russian, edition in Russian, design. LLC "Mann, Ivanov and Ferber", 2015
* * *This book is well complemented by:
Pump yourself up!
John Norcross, Christine Loberg and Jonathon Norcross
The psychology of positive change
James Prochaska, John Norcross, Carlo di Clemente
brain rules
John Medina
Depression is canceled
Richard O'Connor
From Saint Paul's letter to the Romans:
“For I do not understand what I am doing: because I do not do what I want, but what I hate, I do”
I am a psychotherapist with over thirty years of experience and the author of several books that I can be proud of. I have studied many theories regarding human consciousness and psychopathology, and many methods of psychotherapy. But looking back on my career, I realize how limited human capabilities. Many people come to a therapist because they "block their way" in many ways: they undermine their best attempts to achieve what they want, and do not see how they themselves create barriers to love, success and happiness. It takes painstaking therapeutic work to understand exactly what they are doing to themselves. But still O more effort is needed to help them behave differently. And of course, I notice the same traits in myself, for example, bad habits that I seemed to get rid of a long time ago. To our chagrin, we always remain ourselves.
Self-destructive (self-destructive) behavior is a universal problem, but professionals do not pay enough attention to it, and rare books describe it. This is probably due to the fact that most theories interpret self-destructive actions as symptoms of more deep problem: addiction, depression or personality disorder. But a lot of people who can't stop getting in their own way don't get a standard diagnosis. Too often, behavior drags us into a hole from which we cannot crawl out - with all the understanding that this makes us insignificant. There are also stereotypes of self-destructive behavior that we are not aware of, but repeat over and over again. As a rule, most of the work in psychotherapy is devoted to recognizing such stereotypes.
So, the bottom line is that there are some powerful forces within us that resist change, even when we clearly see that they are favorable. Bad habits are hard to get rid of. Sometimes it even seems that we have two brains: one wants only good, and the other is desperately resisting in an unconscious attempt to maintain the state of things. New knowledge about how our brain works makes it possible to understand this duality of personality, give guidance for action and hope that we will be able to overcome our own fears and internal resistance.
Psychotherapists help a lot of people, but there are still too many dissatisfied clients who did not get what they came for. This book is for those who are frustrated, who no longer expect any help, who feel doomed to "score own goals" forever. It is for those who have never thought about therapy, but know that sometimes they are their own worst enemy - and these people are most likely the majority on the planet. There are many reasons to find hope now. When combined, the various fields of psychology and brain science can give you a guide to freeing yourself from any self-destructive habits that interfere with your life.
Models of self-destructive behavior
internet addiction
Binge eating
social isolation
gambling
An obvious lie
immobility
self-sacrifice
Overwork (from overwork)
Suicidal actions
Anorexia/bulimia
Incapacity for self-expression
Addiction to video games and sports
Theft and kleptomania
Failure to prioritize (too many tasks on the to-do list)
Attraction to the "wrong" people
Avoiding opportunities to express your talents
Tendency to remain in an unfavorable situation (work, relationships)
antisocial behavior
Passive-aggressive behavior
Inability to handle money; growing debts, inability to save
Self-treatment
Cruel, selfish, thoughtless behavior
self-mutilation
Chronic disorganization
stupid pride
Attention Avoidance
perfectionism
Failure to start looking for a job
sycophancy; manipulative behavior in order to get love
Excessively high standards (of self or others)
Fraud, theft
Procrastination (procrastination)
Neglect of one's own health
Alcohol or drug abuse
Chronic tardiness
Inattention to others
Bad sleep habits
inattention
Inability to relax
Smoking
Reluctance to ask for help
Silent suffering
Addiction to fashion
promiscuity; casual sex without relationship
Pointless battles with people in power
TV addiction
excessive shyness
risk appetite
Shopping as a cure for depression
Addiction to computer games
Propensity to vagrancy, begging
Increased anxiety
sex addiction
Choosing the Role of a Martyr
Actions on a dispute
Propensity for dangerous driving
shoplifting
Sexual degradation
The tendency to spoil everything just when everything is good
Perseverance beyond common sense
Excessive accumulation
Two different brains
Most of us repeat the same mistakes too often, getting bogged down in bad habits, and only a few understand why. Procrastination, lack of initiative, irresponsibility, lack of concentration, smoking, overwork, sleep disturbance, shopping as a treatment for depression, Internet addiction - anything, up to drug addiction and deliberate self-mutilation. In general, we know what we are doing with ourselves, and we promise ourselves to change. Undoubtedly, we try to make this effort often enough, but it is difficult to cope with habits. And each time, making unsuccessful attempts, we criticize ourselves more and complain about helplessness. Such self-destructive habits become a constant source of unnecessary suffering.
Habits extend to all areas of life: from refusing to brush your teeth to attempting suicide, from gastronomic addiction to complete inertia, from deliberate actions to unconscious ones. Bad habits like procrastination, overeating, or not exercising seem like a natural part of human nature. And even if they do not go too far, they are not very annoying, they still make you feel guilty and “eat off” a piece of your own self-esteem. Feelings of guilt serve as leverage when something needs to be changed. But most often it is not possible to change, and then the guilt becomes an unnecessary burden that we put on our shoulders. Other bad habits may interfere with our work and public life: avoidance public attention, self-doubt, procrastination, staying in a bad job, or continuing a failed relationship. We can also fill our lives with activities that directly affect our well-being: drinking, drug use, self-mutilation, crime, fighting, eating disorders. We tried many times to stop, because at first glance it seems that it is easy. But knowing perfectly well what is good and what is bad, we continue to choose the latter. So why can't we deal with it?
In addition to the inability to do the right thing, there are also many destructive habits that are not even recognized as such, such as reckless driving, frivolity, inability to listen, neglect of one's health. Many of these types of unconscious destructive behavior play out in the realm of relationships. Sometimes I feel dread build up in me: for example, when I see a married couple, where one partner turns himself on to say the “those” words that will cause a guaranteed explosive reaction in the other. This is not anger: the words are supposed to be evidence of understanding, but at the same time betray its complete absence. A desperate feeling grows in the other partner that he is not understood. Like those unfortunate spouses, we often follow an unconscious script that leads to completely wrong words or actions, so we cannot understand why we are wrong. People who can unconsciously be destructive to themselves abuse drugs; no one is considered or, on the contrary, they are too selfless; they have poor relationships with others; they don't know how to manage money. At times, we can recognize the problem, but we are unable to recognize our share in it. We just realize that we don't have close friends or that we're always in trouble at work.
Richard O'Connor
Psychology of bad habits
Richard O'Connor
Change Your Brain to Break Bad Habits, Overcome Addictions, Conquer Self-Destructive Behavior
Scientific editor Anna Logvinskaya
Published with permission from Richard O'Connor, PhD, c/o Levine Greenberg Literary Agency and Synopsis Literary Agency
Legal support for the publishing house is provided by Vegas Lex law firm.
© Richard O'Connor, PhD, 2014
© Translation into Russian, edition in Russian, design. LLC "Mann, Ivanov and Ferber", 2015
This book is well complemented by:
John Norcross, Christine Loberg and Jonathon Norcross
James Prochaska, John Norcross, Carlo di Clemente
Richard O'Connor
From Saint Paul's letter to the Romans:
“For I do not understand what I am doing: because I do not do what I want, but what I hate, I do”
I am a psychotherapist with over thirty years of experience and the author of several books that I can be proud of. I have studied many theories regarding human consciousness and psychopathology, and many methods of psychotherapy. But looking back on my career, I understand how limited human capabilities are. Many people come to a therapist because they "block their way" in many ways: they undermine their best attempts to achieve what they want, and do not see how they themselves create barriers to love, success and happiness. It takes painstaking therapeutic work to understand exactly what they are doing to themselves. But still O more effort is needed to help them behave differently. And of course, I notice the same traits in myself, for example, bad habits that I seemed to get rid of a long time ago. To our chagrin, we always remain ourselves.
Self-destructive (self-destructive) behavior is a universal problem, but professionals do not pay enough attention to it, and rare books describe it. This is probably because most theories interpret self-destructive actions as symptoms of a deeper problem: addiction, depression, or personality disorder. But a lot of people who can't stop getting in their own way don't get a standard diagnosis. Too often, behavior drags us into a hole from which we cannot crawl out - with all the understanding that this makes us insignificant. There are also stereotypes of self-destructive behavior that we are not aware of, but repeat over and over again. As a rule, most of the work in psychotherapy is devoted to recognizing such stereotypes.
So, the bottom line is that there are some powerful forces within us that resist change, even when we clearly see that they are favorable. Bad habits are hard to get rid of. Sometimes it even seems that we have two brains: one wants only good, and the other is desperately resisting in an unconscious attempt to maintain the state of things. New knowledge about how our brain works makes it possible to understand this duality of personality, give guidance for action and hope that we will be able to overcome our own fears and internal resistance.
Psychotherapists help a lot of people, but there are still too many dissatisfied clients who did not get what they came for. This book is for those who are frustrated, who no longer expect any help, who feel doomed to "score own goals" forever. It is for those who have never thought about therapy, but know that sometimes they are their own worst enemy - and these people are most likely the majority on the planet. There are many reasons to find hope now. When combined, the various fields of psychology and brain science can give you a guide to freeing yourself from any self-destructive habits that interfere with your life.
Models of self-destructive behavior
internet addiction
Binge eating
social isolation
gambling
An obvious lie
immobility
self-sacrifice
Overwork (from overwork)
Suicidal actions
Anorexia/bulimia
Incapacity for self-expression
Addiction to video games and sports
Theft and kleptomania
Failure to prioritize (too many tasks on the to-do list)
Attraction to the "wrong" people
Richard O'Connor is a renowned American psychotherapist, PhD, author of several books on the treatment of depression, and former CEO of the Northwest Center for Family Service and Mental Health. O'Connor leads a self-help group for people suffering from depressive disorders.
Complexity of presentation
The target audience
Those who need to get rid of addictions or bad habits, change patterns of destructive behavior.
The book describes a technique for getting rid of destructive habits in order to teach the brain to work in a new way. The author explains why it is so difficult to fight bad patterns and change behavior. We can learn to develop and train automatic thinking that facilitates decision making without our awareness.
Reading together
We usually understand what happens to us when we are under the influence of bad habits. Very often we make a promise to ourselves to change and even make some efforts for this, but habits get the best of us. Even if they are not too annoying, they still make you feel guilty and “eat off” part of our self-esteem.
Something is done on an unconscious level, but even the most harmless things can cause a chain of destructive consequences. To err is human, because it is part of our nature. Our brains are controlled by two selves: automatic and conscious. The first is responsible for uncontrolled actions and decisions, controls us when we do something "without a second thought." The second is guided by rational thinking and rationale, analyzes the consequences of the actions of the unconscious "I".
To get rid of bad habits, you need to train the automatic "I" with might and main, otherwise we will constantly be subject to breakdowns. From a physical point of view, even the brain can be changed if we learn to control the processes of its development and influence behavior. It is it that affects the growth rate of brain cells and its work in general. Neural connections are strengthened if we do something on a regular basis, and by developing good habits, we simply replace bad ones with them, that is, we switch automatic behavior from minus to plus.
- Unconscious fears of love or success.
- Passivity.
- Addiction.
- The influence of erroneous unconscious beliefs and delusions.
- Rebellion against interference.
- Unconscious self-acceptance.
- Intrusive ideas.
- The belief that social norms- it's not for us.
- Feeling the completion of everything we have done.
These habits are formed under the influence of repetitive patterns of behavior. The same self-interest makes us see the world differently, when we are allegedly responsible for our good habits, but we blame the people around us for bad ones. People who are overly confident in their personal abilities stop striving for more and ignore everything that is contrary to their self-interest, but at the same time strengthen their convictions. These errors of perception are born at the subconscious level and are not corrected in consciousness, but are repeated again and again.
Emotions need to be brought out because they are chemical reactions and over time are pumped up to a certain limit. Anger, fear, or guilt lead us to self-destructive behavior, and if we try to contain these feelings, they break out in a different way. Emotions are not "wrong" unless they are based on something else. If we believe that emotions are inappropriate, they become the cause of destructive behavior, dividing our conscious and automatic selves. The conscious tries to prevent this or that erroneous act, but the automatic does it anyway. Restrained aggression leads to an underestimation of the risk or threat, anger tends to accumulate and eventually splash out on loved ones. This is followed by a feeling of guilt, causing our self-hatred. It is this emotion that is very dangerous to contain.
Sometimes destructive behavior is a consequence of attention deficit, grief, or loss of motivation to solve problems. We are often afraid to ask others for help lest we be rejected. There are two types of repressed people who don't even struggle with self-destructive tendencies: the former never had the motivation to do so because they didn't put in the effort and found a miserable life tolerable. The latter had attempts to improve, but because of disappointment in themselves or others, they quickly burned out. There is clearly a lack of motivation to improve behavior, so it is important to learn how to set realistic, achievable goals.
The following forms of destructive behavior are breakdowns and addictions. The former completely block the opportunity to change when we are already one foot on the threshold of success. Relapses are the result of a bad habit sitting in your head, and you can get rid of this scenario through the association of a breakdown with something negative - disgust or fear. Addictions are uncontrollable, most often drugs or gambling. Dopamine, produced by the brain in the process of obtaining pleasure, prompts you to want more. Here it is important to recognize powerlessness, to look at yourself from the outside in order to assess the scale of the disaster and begin to act.
The fight against bad habits is carried out by our mindfulness and self-control. To begin with, you need to learn how to practice calm self-awareness, objectively looking at yourself from the outside. You can detach your assessment of bad habits, but do nothing about them. Mindful meditation helps you listen to your feelings and not judge yourself. 30 minutes a day is enough for her.
You can also start a personal diary to keep track of thoughts and feelings. The main goal is to develop willpower and increase self-control. If you make this activity regular, self-control will become part not only of the conscious self, but also of the automatic one. So you can change the way you think, over time this practice will require less and less effort.
To develop willpower, you can do proper nutrition, associating temptation with something negative, punishing oneself if necessary. In the future, all this will help build trust and a good relationship with people, and bring good habits to automatism. Destructive behavior is a source of unnecessary suffering in a safe and prosperous society.
Emotional acknowledgment is necessary to mend relationships by acknowledging the fact that sometimes we experience ugly feelings. They do not need to be repressed, so as not to be made unconscious, it is enough to accept and control them.
Best Quote
“If we are able to accept our feelings, then there is no need psychological protection distorting our world."
What does the book teach
We ourselves do not know why we do harmful things, because so much of what we do is motivated by pleasant things that give us pleasure, pride, love, and cause superiority. The pleasure principle explains human behavior.
The very first thing to do is to look at yourself from the outside and recognize the behavior as destructive. The better we begin to understand thoughts and feelings, the easier it will be to heal.
To change the way you think and get rid of bad habits, you need to practice self-awareness and "fake" until you really succeed. The most disgusting destructive patterns must be under our control, then we can fully take responsibility for our lives.
Editorial
Give up sweets, quit smoking, stop hanging out in social networks - from the new year, from Monday, from the first of the next month ... Who among us has not participated in our traditional national game? And how are they struggling with bad habits abroad? You will find several effective ideas in our material:.
Making a decision to fight bad habits is one thing, but starting to change something is quite another. After all, it is so difficult to abandon the well-trodden rut! Business coach, confidence and charisma development expert Alexey Sobolev knows three steps to help break a bad habit: .
The habit of putting things off until later, called the buzzword "procrastination", is familiar to many. How to cope with this phenomenon and whether it is necessary to drive yourself, striving for effective efficiency, argues a psychologist and business consultant Olga Yurkovskaya: .
For those who can not cope with nicotine addiction, Allen Carr offers a unique technique to help give up this detrimental addiction to health. We have compiled the author's recommendations in our book review. "The easy way to quit smoking": .
