At a literature lesson in a "computer" class:
- Gerasim was this... this... well, he didn't have a sound card!
*****
Teacher:
- The topic of today's lesson is "Solving quadratic equations."
Whole class:
- Uuuu...
- Well, okay, okay, at the end we'll dance a little, listen to music.
*****
Two students are talking:
We just wrote an anatomy test. Sanka got a deuce.
- For what?
- For a cheat sheet. The teacher caught him when he was counting his ribs.
*****
Father to son:
- You're right, I also studied for deuces, so it will be fair if I encourage you the way your grandfather encouraged me ... with a belt.
*****
A father is talking to a son who is not studying well:
- What do you need to do so that you do not get a deuce?
- It is necessary that the teacher did not call me.
*****
Mashenka, show me your diary.
- I can not! I gave it to Katya!
- For what?
- Parents to scare!
*****
- For a hint, I reduce the score by a point!
- Nothing, it's better to get a four than a deuce. Sidorov, tell me!
*****
A worried mother says to her schoolboy son:
- Hurry up, you'll be late for school!
- Don't worry, Mom, because the school is open all day.
*****
- Sidorov! Write legibly! the teacher says sternly.
- Yes? Maybe you still say: "write without errors"?!
*****
- Doctor, my son has a strabismus.
- Come on, boy, look at me. Is it clear now. Have you been born with this?
- No, doctor, from cheating.
*****
Student - teacher:
Should someone be punished for something they didn't do?
- No, of course not!
- Fine. I did not do homework...
*****
- Let your grandfather come to school tomorrow!
- Do you mean father?
- No, grandfather. I want to show him what mistakes his son makes in your homework.
*****
- What time is it: I run, you run, he runs, they run?
- Change!
*****
Teacher:
- Now, if I give you a rabbit, then two more rabbits, and then three more rabbits! How much will?
Student:
- Seven!
Teacher:
- Listen carefully! First one rabbit, then two more, and then three more. How many?
Student:
- Seven!
Teacher:
- Taak! Let's do it differently! One apple plus two apples plus three more apples! How many?
Student:
- Six!
Teacher:
- Finally! A rabbit plus two rabbits plus three rabbits! How many?
Student:
- Seven!
Teacher:
- But why?!!
Student:
- And I already have one rabbit!
*****
School. Noise coming from the next room interferes with the teacher's teaching. He walks in, grabs the head screamer by the ear, and takes him to his classroom. The neighborhood is getting quiet. After a while there is a timid knock on the door.
A student from the next class enters and says:
- Ivan Petrovich! Could you bring our teacher back to us?
*****
- Dad, can you sign with your eyes closed?
- Yes, why?
- Then sign in my diary.
*****
The most terrible phrase of school childhood: “So, now we put away the textbooks and take out double sheets of paper ...”.
*****
- Sasha, what are you doing?
- I'm digging up a tree, the maths gave me homework - to find the root.
- Never mind, you're still lucky: Fedka, she finally said to divide the member into a polynomial. He sits sharpening a knife, crying ...
*****
The OBZh teacher set the school on fire and gave those who managed to run out fives for a quarter.
*****
School teacher:
- We have a test today.
- Can I use a calculator?
- Can.
- What about Bradis tables?
- Can. So, children, write down the topic of the test. Abolition of serfdom.
*****
At the lessons at school, the artist wakes up in many..
*****
There is a feeling as if the first three classes at your child's school are an exciting competition between parents: who draws, sculpts, glues better ...
*****
The teacher said that I did not know mathematics at all and put some number in my diary.
*****
Vovochka's father:
Did you fix the two?
- Corrected!
- Come on, show me!
- Here!
- Well, who fixes it like that?! Give it here!
*****
Teacher:
- Vovochka, what, in your opinion, should be the ideal school?
- Locked, Mary Ivanna.
*****
- Mom, we were vaccinated at school today!
- Well, you, my daughter, I hope you didn't cry?
- No, mother, they did not catch up with me!
Latest ratings: 5
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Comments:
a little not children's jokes but in principle the norms
normal
norm
I like.
About school and teachers.
There are lessons in the school. Vovochka sullenly wanders along the corridor. His
the director notices, approaches him and asks:
- Vovochka, why aren't you in class?
- I don't see the logic!
- And what happened?
- I was sitting in class and accidentally farted. I got kicked out of class
and the whole class was left to sniff. I don't see the logic!
The teacher asked an essay on the topic: "If I were the director of the company ...".
Everyone diligently writes, and only Vovochka looks out the window.
- Why don't you write?
- I'm expecting a secretary.
Mom, everyone at school says I'm a liar!
- Vovochka, you don't even go to school!
Vovochka, who would you like to be?
- Lion or tiger!
- For what?
- To be afraid of me.
- Even the teacher?
- Oh no! Nothing will scare our teacher.
Literature lesson. The teacher asks:
- Well, children, have you read War and Peace?
Silence ... One guy starts up, with dumbfounded eyes asks:
- What should I have read?
Teacher:
- Well, yes…
- And I rewrote!
September 1, 1st grade
The teacher says:
- Children, you came to school. Here you need to sit quietly,
and if you want to ask something - you need to raise your hand.
Vovochka raises his hand ...
- Do you want to ask something, Vovochka?
- No, I'm just checking how the system works.
Mom, it seems to me that tomorrow at school I will look like a black sheep!
- Yes, well, daughter, you will croak.
At school.
- Children take out pencils and paper. Today we will try to draw a horse, and Natasha Petrova will try not to move!
The teacher says to the student:
- Let your grandfather come to school tomorrow!
- Do you mean father?
- No, grandfather. I want to show him what mistakes his son makes in your homework.
The school principal enters the classroom with a new teacher. Hello:
- Hey, shoelaces!
- Hello, shoe! - the class answers in chorus.
- This sole will teach you algebra.
Vovochka is walking with his dad past the school:
- Son, do you study at this school?
- Yes.
- 20 years ago, I also studied here.
- Now I understand what the director meant when he said that he had not seen such an idiot as me in school for 20 years.
Mom, we wrote at school!!!
- What did you write?
- Don't know! We haven't learned to read yet!
Dad:
- Vovochka where is your diary?
-I gave it to Pavlik for a day
-For what?
- To scare the parents.
Little Vovochka is taking the exam German the teacher says to him:
- Well, Vovochka, tell me, how would a frog jump in a swamp in German?
Vovochka thinks and says:
- Ain moment! Der frog on der swamp der slap, der slap, der slap!
The first grader is dragged to school.
He leans all over and shouts:
- Eleven years!!! For what!!???
Tell Vovochka what subject do you like the most in school?
- Dad call.
One boy wrote the word “went” all the time through “o” (vulgar). The teacher made him stay after school and write this word 50 times to remember. The boy did everything as the teacher ordered. Leaving home, he left her a note: “I wrote the word “went” 50 times and went home”
Informatics lesson at school.
The teacher turns the switch
- All the lesson is over!
But we didn't survive! the children scream in horror.
- Okay, save yourself - said the teacher, turning the switch back.
The teacher brings a computer into the classroom. Puts on the table. Asks students:
- One.
With difficulty, the teacher brings a second computer into the classroom.
- Children, how many computers are on the table?
- Two.
Exhausted, the teacher drags a third computer into the classroom.
- Children, now how many computers are on the table?
- Three.
Wiping sweat from her forehead, the teacher whispers:
- And yet, it was somehow easier with apples!
See other topics in this section here -
On the program "The smartest" to the question "Carrots, onions, potatoes," Lexus ". What is superfluous?" the fifth grader answered: "Carrot, onion, potato!"
Schoolchildren think that it is better to study at the institute, but only students know what is most comfortable in kindergarten!
No, this is too much! Today you forgot both notebooks and textbooks! Do you know the name of an unarmed soldier?
- I know. General!
Hello! Three o'clock in the morning! Who you are?
- This is your student's father, Elena Vasilievna. Are you sleeping now?
- Certainly!
- And we saw chestnuts, glue acorns to the cardboard - we are preparing crafts for the contest "Farewell Autumn" ...
In a zoology lesson:
Why is the ape so called?
Student:
"Because it came from a human!"
Yesterday I got a call from the school and they said: "Your son lies all the time." I said, "Tell him what he's doing well: I don't have a son."
At the lesson.
- Think of a sentence with the numeral three.
- My mother works at a knitting factory.
- Fine! Yesterday I received one plus six minus four.
1st class. Teacher:
- So, children, put aside all your smart phones, stop texting, today we need to learn the letter "A".
Composition - description of the painting by F.P. Reshetnikova
"Again deuce!" student of 5 "A" class.
Before us is a picture of F.P. Reshetnikov "Again deuce!" Main character pictures boy Mitya. His age is about ten years old. He is with a briefcase in his hands, skates in the briefcase. He has a very sad look. Blond hair, he is in a coat, a tattered coat with a white collar. He stands sideways. He is wearing boots and black pants.
The mother is dressed, with a blue scarf on her head, a pink shirt, a red apron and a black dress. There are black slippers on the feet. Sister is dressed in school uniform. She is wearing a clean and ironed pioneer tie. Next to her is a brown briefcase. The younger brother is in a blue and white sweater and brown pants. He is on a red bike and smiling. The dog joyfully rushes to Mitya and wants to caress him. The dog is black and white and there is a little red.
The room is small and living in it is cramped.
It is very embarrassing and sad to bring home a deuce.
Children wrote an essay on the theme "Farm" at the lesson. Petya wrote: "The cowsheds do very well in the cowsheds. They are tiled and well equipped."
At the Russian language lesson:
- Decline the word "book" in cases.
- Nominative - what? - book, parent - from what? - from paper!..
Alyonushka, what is the conjugation of the verb "learn"?
- First.
- And if you think about it?
- Second.
- So what is it?
- Third!
Volodya, when will you correct your deuce?
- I don't know, daddy, because the magazine is kept in the teachers' room!
In a geography lesson.
- Slava, where is water found in nature?
- You said it yourself - in nature.
Yura, why are you late for the lesson?
- I accidentally fell into a puddle and returned home to change and have lunch at the same time.
The teacher tells the children about Kenya, about its hot climate.
Student:
- So, there is a continuous summer?
- Yes.
- Lucky for their children - solid holidays!
Slavik was given difficult math problems at home. Mom began to help him.
The next day, my son brought a three from school for this work.
- Don't worry, Mommy! he said cheerfully. - Other parents generally got deuces!
Mom, yesterday the teacher sent Lyosha home.
- Why?
He came to school unwashed.
- It serves him right!
- And today our whole class did not wash!
Tolik, why is the teacher dissatisfied with you again? What else did you do yesterday?
- Yesterday? Didn't do anything. I wasn't even at school.
The Russian language teacher gives Vasya a task:
- Think of a sentence with the preposition "on".
- The cow climbed the tree! Vasya answers.
- For what? - the teacher is surprised.
- That there was a preposition "on"!
Two mothers of second graders are talking:
Did you do math for your son?
- Yes.
- Let me write off.
Vasya, your homework, the description of the dog, literally coincides with the work of your older sister Katya. How to understand it?
- And what's incomprehensible here? We only have one dog at home.
The geography teacher comes to the doctor.
- Tell me exactly where your pain is concentrated? the doctor asks.
- Leg.
- Where?
- Northeast of the heel.
From school essays:
Andrei Bolkonsky often went to look at that oak, which he looked like like two drops of water.
All Lilliputians, young and old, rose to fight Gulliver.
We add to this list on the right, and push it on the left.
Soon Maresiev learned to fly on prostheses.
Chemistry lesson. Teacher:
What substances do not dissolve in water?
Student without hesitation
- Fish!
The father checks his son's notebook:
- I do not understand something: it is written " Classwork", but it's worth a deuce!
Mom, everyone at school teases me - they call me shampoo!
- Calm down, don't cry, do you hear, Schwarzkopf?
From school essays.
The dog was sitting in the yard, and around it was a large booth.
The calves were still stupid, uneducated.
The wolf was as hungry as an animal.
Andrei Sokolov was born for the good of the Motherland.
Time will pass, and Katerinas of both sexes will unite and sweep away the dark kingdom from the earth. And so it happened.
Morozko acts differently in this situation. Without thinking, he draws a revolver and shoots three times in the air, and then falls dead.
Korchagin even made a revolution in bed.
Nilovna worked in a factory, her husband beat her at home.
When Polovtsev took off his hat, he had a bare skull on his head, covered with sparse hair.
Zhukhrai taught Pavka: "Fighting is not harmful at all, you just need to know who to beat and why to beat." After that, Pavel's direct path to the Komsomol and the Red Army was determined.
Pierre Bezukhov is an emotional person.
The proletariat took power in order to give everyone the opportunity to feel how badly it lived before the revolution.
Onegin was very unsociable, therefore, when guests came to him, he was always given a horse to the anus.
From the lips of teachers.
If I had not made this remark, you would have been surprised if I had not made it.
Let's draw the vector invisibly.
My doves! If you are late all week on the first of March...
We will work on the contrary. Or is it all wrong for you?
First, let's check it in practice, and then we'll see how it works.
Tickets are different. One may get easier, and another easier.
Where necessary, put your initials in the correct case.
The teacher calls Kolya's dad to school:
- Your son drew such a spider that I almost fainted.
The boys are talking in the yard:
What subject do you like the most in school?
- Call.
- Great! And me too! It turns out that we are real friends!
A school year is like being pregnant. It lasts nine months, and starts to feel sick from the second week.
After the first school day Dima came home quiet and silent. Parents are concerned:
- Son, why are you silent? Mom asks.
- Yes, I remember my youth, - Dima is sad.
Parents spend the whole evening trying to get their son to do homework. Ivan comes up with one reason, then another. Finally, the parents run out of patience, and they themselves seat the boy at the desk.
The son exclaims, almost crying:
- Vanya, write! Vanya, read! Vanya, learn! Vanya, count! And when to live?
Dad, I broke glass at school again...
- Ugh, not a school, but some kind of greenhouse!
EXTRACTS FROM SCHOOL ESSAYS:
Onegin had a heavy heart and he went to Tatiana to relieve himself.
Lensky entered the duel in pantaloons. They dispersed and a shot rang out.
The boat came to the shore in the most impudent way...
He took a knife and shot himself.
Papa Carlo knocked out Pinocchio.
Since Pechorin is an extra person, then writing about him is a waste of time.
Onegin liked Byron, so he hung him over the bed.
Two horses entered the yard. These were the sons of Taras Bulba
Turgenev showed the woman in a more expanded form.
If you study well, Petya, dad and I will buy you a computer! Mom promises.
- What if I don't? - the boy is interested.
- Then my mother and I will buy you a piano! The father reassures his son.
Two schoolchildren are talking during the break:
- Wrote now control on anatomy. Sanka got a deuce.
- For what?
- Cheat. The teacher caught him while he was counting his ribs.
In a history lesson.
- What event is significant in 1799?
- Pushkin was born.
- And 1812?
- Pushkin turned 13 years old!
Exam dialogue.
- What is horsepower?
- This is the power that a horse one meter tall and weighing one kilogram develops.
Where did you see such a horse?
- You just can't see her. It is kept in Paris, in the Chamber of Weights and Measures.
Sidorov, name your pet four-legged friend.
- Bed!
Control. The teacher closely monitors the students and from time to time kicks out those who cheat.
The head teacher looks into the class.
- What, we write control? There must be a lot of cheaters here!
- No, amateurs are already outside the door, - the teacher answers. - Only professionals are left here.
I recently ran two kilometers in one minute at a school competition!
- You're lying! Is that faster than the world record?!
- So I know the shortcut!
I gave the school 10 years of my life, and it taught me only two things: to sing and count.
An abstract concept is something that cannot be touched, but something that can be thought about. Can anyone give an example?
- Yes. Hot iron.
Exam student:
I don't think I deserve such a low rating.
Examiner:
- Me, too, but the ratings are lower, unfortunately, no.
Maryivanna, I couldn't get to school yesterday because my dad's car broke down.
- So I would come by bus, what's the problem?
But we don't have a bus...
Applicants with a first name and patronymic Maryivanna are taken to Pedagogical University without exams.
Teacher:
- What feats have you accomplished in your life?
I once raised my hand in math class...
Do you like going to school?
- Yes, only the hours between walking are the most disgusting.
Entry in the school diary:
"Your child swallows the endings of words."
The answer of the parents: "We know, rugam."
From a school essay: "Penguins are fat swallows."
The teacher said that I knew mathematics very badly and put some number in my diary ...
There is a math test. Two students sit on the first desk: one is an excellent student, the other is a loser.
The teacher looks at them in notebooks:
- What is it?! Why do you choose one option?
The doppelgänger raises his head:
- What's the difference? The answers are still different!
The literature teacher has been working at the school for so long that many people think that Pushkin shot himself in a duel precisely because of her.
3000th year. Russian language lesson.
- Children, remember the main rule of punctuation: do not put a comma after the emoticon!
Student in class:
- I don't think I deserve this rating.
Teacher:
- Me too, but, unfortunately, not anymore.
The student answered five. The teacher asks for a diary.
“But I forgot it at home,” the student says.
- Take mine! whispers the neighbor.
The teacher says in class:
- Children, do you know that in the cold all objects shrink, and in heat, on the contrary, they increase in size? Who can give a real life example?
Masha raises her hand
- Summer holidays last longer than winter!
Teacher:
- Guys, tell me, what number is the word trousers: singular or plural?
Student:
- Above - singular, and below - plural.
And today I was lucky in the lesson!
- Which?
- The teacher wanted to put me in a corner, but all the corners were occupied.
One very fat girl was transferred to another class, after which the school leaned in the other direction.
After exam:
- Passed?
- It seems to have passed.
- What did they ask?
- Yes, I did not understand. They asked in English...
From a school essay:
"Quietly, on tiptoe, an elephant crept through the china shop."
Teacher:
- What natural phenomena occur in winter?
- Snowmen...
In a geography lesson, a teacher asks a student:
What does the map of Italy look like?
- On a rubber boot.
- That's right, boots. Why rubber?
- Because Italy is surrounded on all sides by water.
When the teacher is silent, it is better not to interrupt him.
The teacher arranges a roll call:
- Ivanov?
- Here!
- Petrov?
- Here!
- Thirty puppies?
The student gets up.
- Yes, I'm Zoshchenkov!
From school essays: "Tatyana wrote a letter to Onegin with a declaration of love, but he immediately sent it to spam."
Schoolchildren were asked to help distribute lottery tickets.
Each was given 20 pieces. The guys went home. One of them very quickly returned and proudly declared:
- I sold all the tickets! All twenty were taken in one house.
- And how did you do it?
- Their dog bit me.
The teacher warns the students:
- Never kiss animals. It is very dangerous. Who can give an example?
“Me,” one boy stands up. - My aunt used to kiss her poodle all the time.
- And what?
- The poodle is sick.
Children, what happens if 8 is divided in half?
- If divided horizontally, then two zeros, and if vertically, then two triples.
Sasha, how are you doing with math? the father asks.
- Fine! Yesterday I got eight minus five plus two.
The teacher calls Zhenya's dad:
- Your son drew such a spider on my desk that I almost fainted.
- What's this! He drew such a crocodile in our bathroom that I jumped out through the painted door!
From a school essay:
"Pet rats are very cute as long as they don't start themselves."
Yura, name four pets, the teacher asks.
- A dog and three puppies! the student answers.
Why are you sleeping in class? - Strictly asks the teacher Sonya.
“I don’t sleep, I just blink slowly,” the student justifies herself.
Tell us, Sasha, what substances do not dissolve in water? the teacher asks.
- Fish! - decisively answers the student.
The boys are talking at the drawing lesson:
- You drew well! Well done! I even whetted my appetite.
- Appetite? From sunrise?
- And I thought that you drew scrambled eggs.
The teacher asks Yegor:
- What are the names of the three heroes from Vasnetsov's painting?
- Athos, Porthos and Aramis, - Yegor answers.
What bird doesn't nest? the teacher asks.
- Cuckoo, - confidently answers Denis.
- Why? the teacher asks for clarification.
- Because she sits in the clock.
The teacher sternly asks Andryusha:
Why does your mom always do your homework for you?
- But because dad never has time, - sad Andryusha answers.
Cyril, did you learn the poem?
- Learned. I just forgot what it's about.
Teacher:
- Lisa, show me the Yellow Sea.
- I would show, but on the map all the seas are blue.
A young teacher complains to her friend:
- One of my students completely tortured me - he makes noise, hooligans, disrupts lessons.
- Doesn't he have a single positive quality?
- Unfortunately, there is. He never misses class.
The student came to the watch shop.
- Do you have a reliable alarm clock?
- There is nowhere more reliable, - the seller answers. - First, the siren turns on, then the artillery salvo is heard, and a glass is poured on your face cold water. If that doesn't work, the alarm will ring the school and let you know you're sick.
In a geography lesson:
- Petrov! I asked to show the lake on the map, and you climbed the mountain.
You can see the area better from here!
Teacher to student:
- Is NOT written with the verb together or separately?
- Through the gap!
The teacher asked an essay on the topic: "If I were the director of the school."
Everyone is diligently writing, only Vasya is looking out the window.
- Why don't you write?
- I'm waiting for the secretary.
Anecdotes about the school, teachers and students.
Teacher:- Stop passing notes to each other!
Student:
- These are not notes. We play cards.
- Ah, well then, excuse me.
Yura asks the taxi driver:
- Please drive me to school!
- Sorry, baby, but I'm going in a completely different direction.
- But it's even better! Yura rejoices.
The teacher asks the student:
- Name the capital of Norway.
- Oslo.
- And the capital of Denmark?
The student hesitates.
- Ko ... - prompts the teacher.
- Goat!
The teacher asks:
- What does the expression "The girl blushed to the roots of her hair" mean?
Student:
- That means she's dyed.
Teacher:
What role do trees play in people's lives?
Student:
- Very important! From them we learn the seasons!
The boy is taking an exam in drawing. He needs to draw a circle. He goes to the blackboard, takes the chalk, and, without taking his hands off, draws a perfect circle.
- How did you do it without a compass? - the teacher is surprised.
- And since childhood, I have been helping my mother turn the meat grinder.
You ran a hundred meters terribly slow! says the physical education teacher.
- Is there anything you can do quickly?
Student:
Yes, I get tired very quickly.
The teacher is asked:
- What are three reasons why you love your job?
- June July August...
The boy says to his grandmother:
- Grandma, are you afraid of anything?
- No, dear!
- No elephant, no lion, no crocodile?
- No, honey.
- Oh, then you can look at my diary...
Everyone in the class is in love with the excellent student Milovidova.
Petya and Vasya are talking.
- Do you know when her birthday is?
- No, but I know when it is March 8th.
The boy comes to school in the morning, but there is no school. Only the janitor sweeps in her place. The boy asks:
- And what, there will be no lessons today?
- No, the school was blown away by a hurricane.
The boy asks again:
- So, there will be no lessons today?
- I'm telling you, the school was blown away by a hurricane!
The boy is not appeased:
“Are you sure there won’t be any lessons?”
- How many times can I repeat: THE SCHOOL WAS DESTROYED BY A HURRICANE!!!
- So would listen and listen!
The teacher asks at the Russian language lesson:
- What time is it: I run, you run, he runs, they run?
Children - in chorus:
- Turn!
Mom, it seems to me that tomorrow at school I will look like a black sheep!
- Yes, well, daughter, you will croak!
Teacher:
- Children, there will be a rare phenomenon tonight - an eclipse of the moon. Do not miss! Beginning at 20-15.
Vovochka:
- What program?
List of used literature:
1. Magazine "Fidget".
2. Magazine "Cool"
3. Newspaper "The world of children and teenagers"
4. Magazine "Mickey Mouse".
5. "Funny school stories and anecdotes." Compiled by Shilova Galina Petrovna.
6. Cheerful magazine about animals "Toshka and company".
Ha ha ha, and here are the new ones funny jokes for children about school.
We wish you to smile a lot while reading, we really hope that your mood will rise and become better!
Very funny jokes for kids about school
Well done, Vovochka, - praises the father of his son.
How did you manage to get an A in zoology?
-And they asked me how many legs an ostrich has. I answered three.
- Wait, but an ostrich has two legs!
-That's it! But the rest of the students answered that four!
The teacher scolds Vovochka:
“Can you only count to ten?” I just have no idea who you think you're going to be...
- Boxing referee!
- Vovochka, make a sentence with the words "cat" and "look."
- When I accidentally stepped on the cat's foot, he screamed:
“You have to watch where you step!”
Funny jokes for kids about school
Biology lesson. Teacher:
- Little Johnny, tell the whole class how earthworms reproduce?
— By division, Antonina Petrovna.
- And detail?
- A shovel.
Diary entry: “Your son fought at recess again today. I bet on it and won 50 rubles. Thank you."
Mathematics lesson at school. Teacher:
- Petya, name a two-digit number!
- Forty six.
Now swap the numbers and tell me what happened.
- Don't know…
- Sit down, two! Vovochka, name a two-digit number!
“Thirty-three, and you can start your figli-miglis!”
You will find even more funny anecdotes.
Funny jokes about school
First of September. Mom asks the first grader:
So how was your first day at school?
- First day? Just don't tell me that tomorrow I have to go there again!
A girl comes home after school and says:
- And today we drew mom again!
- What are you doing there, every day you draw your mother ?!
- And the teacher, as soon as she enters the class, immediately yells:
- Why are you sitting down? Draw, your mother!
What does the phrase "seemingly-invisibly" mean?
- This is when the TV is on!
Literature lesson. The teacher asks:
“Well, children, have you read War and Peace?”
Silence ... One guy jumps in place with dumbfounded eyes:
- And why did you have to read it ???
Teacher:
- Well, yes…
- And I rewrote!
Dad and son on the evening of September 1:
“Well, what did they teach you at school today?”
“Nothing, dad! They said to come back tomorrow.
Everyone knows the genre of short, sparkling, humorous stories. Here you will find cool selection jokes about school. Funny jokes about teachers, students, about the school that we love to tell each other at breaks.
Jokes on the school theme.
At school, the teacher tells the children to stand up for those who think they are fools. Silence hangs, after a while Petechka gets up:
Do you consider yourself not a distant person?
- No, it's just uncomfortable somehow that you're standing alone!
Vovochka comes home:
- I don't know whether to trust our math teacher. Yesterday he said that 10=6+4, and today that 10=7+3.
Teacher:
- Well, what did Mars like?
Student:
- Yes teacher. The 4th planet from the Sun, and its satellites - Phobos and Deimos made me think ...
Teacher:
- You gained knowledge, but remained a fool, so is the chocolate delicious?
4
Teacher:
- Baranov, tell me at least one animal included in the Red Book.
- Puma.
- You would still "Adidas" said!
5
Teacher:
- Little Johnny, if you find two bags, one with intelligence and the other with gold... which one will you choose?
- With gold, of course!
- And I would be wise!
- Well, who is missing something! ...
6
Vovochka was absent from school for three days. On the fourth comes. His teacher asks:
- Vovochka, where were you?
- Yes, you understand, Marya Ivanovna, my grandfather died.
- Oh, Vovochka, what a pity, but what happened?
- You see, my grandfather is old, 70 years old, we live on the 8th floor.
He climbed the stairs and, going into the apartment, lay down to rest. He lay down on the couch, lit a cigarette and fell asleep. The cigarette fell to the floor and started a fire.
- Oh, the grandfather burned down?
- Not really. Neighbors managed to call firefighters, grandfather woke up, saw a fire and jumped out the window...
- Grandpa crashed?
- No. The firefighters managed to pull the tarpaulin and grandfather landed in the very middle, but he bounced back and flew back to the 8th floor...
- Burnt grandfather?
- Grandpa crashed?
- No. He again fell on the tarpaulin and again springed to the 8th floor.
- Burnt grandfather?
- No. He jumped out again...
- So Vovochka: what did grandfather die of?
- Yes, the firemen shot him - he got them ...
At the Latvian school, the director wanted to see how the first-graders were doing their classes. Enters the class. There is a math lesson. The teacher looks at the children with a stern look and says loudly in a stern voice:
- Cosine!
- I must have heard, - thought the director. - What is the cosine in the 1st grade?
- Cosine!
- Wow! the director thought. - What is it, now in the 1st grade they study trigonometry ?!
- Cosine!
- What did she do! Cosine yes cosine!
- Valdis Cosine! Stop talking!
The teacher meets former student:
- Well, what are you doing now?
- Meteorology.
- M-yes-ah-ah ... But he was such an honest, truth-loving boy.
The old teacher died and went to hell. A week later, the Chief Overseer of Hell comes to him and says:
Sorry, there is an error here. You are supposed to be in heaven.
No, I'm sorry, I'm fine here, too, - the teacher replies. - After school, hell seems like heaven to me.
Son says to mother:
I won't go to school anymore.
Yes, well, this school. Again Kuznetsov will hit the head with a textbook, Vasiliev will start aiming with a slingshot, and Voronin will trip. Will not go.
No, son, you must go to school, says the mother. - Firstly, you are already an adult, you are forty years old, and secondly, you are the director of the school.
One teacher complains to another:
Well, the class got me stupid. I explain the theorem to them - they do not understand. The second time I explain - they do not understand. I explain it for the third time - I understood it myself, but they still don’t understand ...
The teacher runs to the director in tears:
Ah, this ninth "b" is simply unbearable! Not students - animals, cattle! And one even threatened to rape me! Can you imagine?!
The director gets up and goes to class. Included. Silently he examines the rows of ninth-graders and points his finger at the repeater on the first desk:
This one said? I understand: this time he said - he will do it.
The teacher brings a computer into the classroom. Puts on the table. Asks students:
One-in. With difficulty, the teacher brings a second computer into the classroom.
Children, how many computers are on the table?
Two-a. Exhausted, the teacher drags a third computer into the classroom.
Children, now how many computers are on the table?
Three. Wiping sweat from her forehead, the teacher whispers:
And yet, with apples it was somehow easier!
English lesson. The teacher asks students:
Ivanov, do you speak English?
Sit down 3.
Petrov, do you speak English?
Sit down 3
Sidorov, do you speak English?
Ues, m at tea she, i "m good s peak english.
The teacher asks the students:
Children, tell me, how long will the family be seven? So tell me, Petya.
I can't hear, Ivan Sergeevich. The teacher comes closer to Petya and asks:
How old is a family of seven?
I can't hear, Ivan Sergeevich.
You're lying. Well, let's switch places. Petya comes to the teacher's desk and asks:
Ivan Sergeevich! When will you stop going to my mother?
I'm sorry, what?
When will you stop going to my mother?
You look! And in fact, it is not audible on this desk.
The teacher says to the student:
Let your grandfather come to school tomorrow!
Do you mean father?
No, grandfather. I want to show him what blunders his son makes in your homework.
Noise coming from a neighboring classroom interferes with the teacher's teaching. He walks in, grabs the head screamer by the ear, and takes him to his classroom. The neighborhood is getting quiet. After a while there is a timid knock on the door.
A student from the next class enters and says:
Ivan Petrovich! Could you bring our teacher back to us?
In Georgian school goes lesson. The teacher asks:
Guys, tell us about your parents. Who do they work for you? Here you are, Soso, tell me, what is your father's job?
My dad grows oranges, takes them to Russia and makes good money.
And you, Suliko?
My dad sells bay leaves in Russia and makes good money.
Tell me, Illarion.
My dad is an engineer. There was laughter in the class. Then the teacher said:
Children! No need to laugh at someone else's grief
Physics teacher in 7th grade:
We live on one side of the Earth and see one side of the Moon, while Americans live on the other side of the Earth and see the other side of the Moon.
