The most golden time of any person is the time of studying at school. This includes meeting new people, exploring the world around us, and preparing for a future adult life. Therefore, it is not surprising the appearance of various jokes about the school, students and teachers.
School is a second home
The funny ones don't happen by accident. After all, each class has its own “Vovochka”, its own “fat trust” and “nerd”. Being different from others makes them an object of ridicule from other children. And the teacher, who looks like a scientist, with glasses and a folder under his arm, also becomes the object of jokes. Let's take a closer look at what are the funniest jokes about school.
Children's pranks
In every class there is sure to be someone who likes to play a trick on their classmates or teachers. There are even films that describe very funny jokes about school. Pranks consist of putting buttons on the chair of a teacher or another student, smearing the board with soap, giving a bottle of sparkling water to some classmate, shaking it strongly in advance, and so on. In the first case, for someone it will be very funny, but for someone not so much. In the second case, the teacher will not be able to write anything on the blackboard, in the third case, someone will be covered by a large carbonated wave right on their face. Such a joke is very popular when students tell the teacher that his entire back is white. A teacher who knows how to accept such humor, of course, laughs himself off. Well, if he is not a fan of such jokes, then schoolchildren may get it.
Short funny jokes about school
Jokes can be either long or short. For example, one short expression can make listeners (readers) laugh a lot. Here are some of them:
- The rubber ball was still flying through the window of the director's office, meanwhile the children were already hiding.
- School academic year- it's like pregnancy: lasting nine months, and toxicosis begins from the second week.
- Studying at school is a sentence to an eleven-year regime without the right to early release. Supervisors are the director and teachers.
- A student comes home from school and joyfully shouts to his mother: “Mom! Today you are lucky - we were asked to read only.
- The teacher told the parents to cut their son's bangs, otherwise she does not know his face.
- School meeting - admission is free, but exit is allowed only for a certain amount.
- Homework done. The mother is hoarse, the son is roaring, and the neighbors have learned the multiplication table.
- Due to the lack of books on anatomy, the Minister of Education approved a hole in the wall of the bathhouse as a subject for study.
Vovochka is the main character of jokes about school
Anyone knows who Vovochka is. This is a typical schoolboy who does not do his homework, does not listen to adults, is a bully, a lazy person and a loser. At the same time, he always has witty answers to the questions of the teacher. Such a character in funny jokes about school for children is very necessary. Thanks to him, children begin to understand how not to be. That is, such jokes about school are instructive.
- The teacher asks Vovochka why he was late. The answer was shocking. The boy said he was attacked and his homework notebooks were stolen.
- To the question about what five years of his life Vovochka considers the happiest, the answer was received: studying in the first grade.
- Vovka received a deuce. The father went to find out why. The teacher says that the boy did not do it himself, but copied from a neighbor on the desk. Indeed, they checked both notebooks. Both answered the first question correctly, and both answered the second question incorrectly. The father is indignant that this is quite possible. The teacher showed the third question, to which the girl answered that she did not know. And Vovochka wrote: "Me too."
Jokes cheer up
IN Everyday life too many fussy days, various problems. Therefore, it is not surprising that people are drawn to jokes, humorous programs. The subject matter varies. But it is jokes about school, short or long, that are perceived with warmth and nostalgia for school life. Every adult has their own memories of school days.
In addition to the usual jokes, there are jokes about the school in the form of skits. They will cheer up, allow you to relax both soul and body. Let's consider some of them:
- One schoolboy tells another that he doesn't believe the earth is round. Explains it simply: otherwise the sea would have completely splashed.
- At the lesson of the world around, the teacher asks to explain why it snows in winter and not in summer. One of the students says: "If it snowed in the summer, it would melt."
- The Russian language teacher asks the children: I work, you work, she works - what time is it? “Heavy,” one of the guys answers.
- The second grader comes home. Mother takes his diary to check. There she discovers a "deuce". It has been crossed out and corrected to "four". The mother begins to scold the student. And he calmly replies: “The teacher told us that we can, if we wish, correct a bad grade for a good one.”
- The American delegation came to the Russian school to exchange experiences. One of them asks: “Do children use computers at school?” “Of course,” the teacher replies. Everyone enters the office. There are six computers on the windowsill. The teacher gives an assignment to Petrov: “Petrov, take two computers and put them on the table. How many computers are left on the windowsill now?”
Exams are a special topic
Exams are the time when the fate of students is decided. Therefore, it is not surprising that jokes about this period also appeared. There are especially many interesting statements about the Unified State. The following selection is about it:
- One student who left the exam asks another: “Were you able to answer all the questions?” He replies no. "What do you hope for then?" The second replied: "Chronic flat feet or poor eyesight."
- Some of the examiners suggested that the exam should have such items as in the program “Become a Millionaire”: help from the hall, call a friend, or 50 to 50. In extreme cases, the opportunity to pick up a certificate.
- About those who do not have an education, now we can say that he is a "victim of the Unified State Examination."
- After a good pass, some need to issue a “Atistat on middle schooling”.
- Children used to be scared by Babai, now from the very first grade they are scared by Egei.
- Every student in the depths of his soul dreams that the one who invented the exam would be killed.
- Baba EGE is a scary character.
- To find out how lucky you are, you need to give answers to the exam at random.
- I wonder what it will be like for the Minister of Health to be treated in a village hospital? Will the Minister of Education be able to pass the exam himself?
- A monkey ran away from one circus and accidentally ended up in the office where they took the exam. Choosing at random the answers, she went to study at Moscow State University.
There is also such a sign when a student taking an exam must be strongly cursed. Supposedly this will help pass it. A joke on this topic: one student passed the exam for a deuce, came home with claims to his parents that they didn’t swear at him very much. They immediately corrected themselves and severely scolded him.
Inscriptions in the diary
In addition to jokes about Little Johnny, about exams, and so on, jokes about school include various inscriptions in students' diaries. Some of them are quite funny and absurd. Below are a few options:
- “For many days now, he has been throwing dead cockroaches at classmates.”
- “There is no diary” (the absurdity was that it was written in the diary itself).
- At a geography lesson, apparently, the child could not remember his address, the teacher made an inscription: "Forgot where he lives."
- “Criticizes the furniture in the office in English(the critic grows up).
- The schoolboy, apparently, had seen enough of thrillers or action films. In his diary there is an inscription: "I convinced my classmates to go down to the bunker."
- "Entering through the window." On this inscription, the student himself wrote below: “Comes out through the wall.” (Probably a fan of The Chronicles of Narnia).
- The girls are no better: “She behaved like a dog and gnawed a bone.”
- "She made eyes for her classmates."
- "Farted on the whole class."
- “I went to the toilet, I came back drunk.” (Someone at school has a cafe instead of a toilet).
- "Brought a bum to a lesson." (Compassionate student).
There are an infinite number of such examples. It is strange that this is all true, and sometimes teachers themselves become the object of ridicule. Take, for example, a teacher of physical education or labor.
"Trudovik" and "athlete"
- On the first of September, all teachers receive a bouquet of flowers, and the Trudovik receives a “Bouquet of Moldova”.
- The athlete commands: “Inhale, exhale! Fu, Anton, you are breathing through the wrong hole again!
- Sportsman: "Who smokes?" Sees three hands raised. “So, we will smoke, and the remaining five laps around the stadium!”.
Afterword
Of course, there are a lot of funny jokes about school (short or long). The reason is that school time is the most wonderful and fun time for everyone without exception. Funny stories happen in every class. They are similar to each other and at the same time different from each other.
School life will always be invented. After all, this is what brings students and teachers together. Without funny stories, the school itself would be boring and monotonous.
On the program "The smartest" to the question "Carrots, onions, potatoes," Lexus ". What is superfluous?" the fifth grader answered: "Carrot, onion, potato!"
Schoolchildren think that it is better to study at the institute, but only students know what is most comfortable in kindergarten!
No, this is too much! Today you forgot both notebooks and textbooks! Do you know the name of an unarmed soldier?
- I know. General!
Hello! Three o'clock in the morning! Who you are?
- This is your student's father, Elena Vasilievna. Are you sleeping now?
- Certainly!
- And we saw chestnuts, glue acorns to the cardboard - we are preparing crafts for the contest "Farewell Autumn" ...
In a zoology lesson:
Why is the ape so called?
Student:
"Because it came from a human!"
Yesterday I got a call from the school and they said: "Your son lies all the time." I said, "Tell him what he's doing well: I don't have a son."
At the lesson.
- Think of a sentence with the numeral three.
- My mother works at a knitting factory.
- Fine! Yesterday I received one plus six minus four.
1st class. Teacher:
- So, children, put aside all your smart phones, stop texting, today we need to learn the letter "A".
Composition - description of the painting by F.P. Reshetnikova
"Again deuce!" student of 5 "A" class.
Before us is a picture of F.P. Reshetnikov "Again deuce!" Main character pictures boy Mitya. His age is about ten years old. He is with a briefcase in his hands, skates in the briefcase. He has a very sad look. Blond hair, he is in a coat, a tattered coat with a white collar. He stands sideways. He is wearing boots and black pants.
The mother is dressed, with a blue scarf on her head, a pink shirt, a red apron and a black dress. There are black slippers on the feet. Sister is dressed in school uniform. She is wearing a clean and ironed pioneer tie. Next to her is a brown briefcase. The younger brother is in a blue and white sweater and brown pants. He is on a red bike and smiling. The dog joyfully rushes to Mitya and wants to caress him. The dog is black and white and there is a little red.
The room is small and living in it is cramped.
It is very embarrassing and sad to bring home a deuce.
Children wrote an essay on the theme "Farm" at the lesson. Petya wrote: "The cowsheds do very well in the cowsheds. They are tiled and well equipped."
At the Russian language lesson:
- Decline the word "book" in cases.
- Nominative - what? - book, parent - from what? - from paper!..
Alyonushka, what is the conjugation of the verb "learn"?
- First.
- And if you think about it?
- Second.
- So what is it?
- Third!
Volodya, when will you correct your deuce?
- I don't know, daddy, because the magazine is kept in the teachers' room!
In a geography lesson.
- Slava, where is water found in nature?
- You said it yourself - in nature.
Yura, why are you late for the lesson?
- I accidentally fell into a puddle and returned home to change and have lunch at the same time.
The teacher tells the children about Kenya, about its hot climate.
Student:
- So, there is a continuous summer?
- Yes.
- Lucky for their children - solid holidays!
Slavik was given difficult math problems at home. Mom began to help him.
The next day, my son brought a three from school for this work.
- Don't worry, Mommy! he said cheerfully. - Other parents generally got deuces!
Mom, yesterday the teacher sent Lyosha home.
- Why?
He came to school unwashed.
- It serves him right!
- And today our whole class did not wash!
Tolik, why is the teacher dissatisfied with you again? What else did you do yesterday?
- Yesterday? Didn't do anything. I wasn't even at school.
The Russian language teacher gives Vasya a task:
- Think of a sentence with the preposition "on".
- The cow climbed the tree! Vasya answers.
- For what? - the teacher is surprised.
- That there was a preposition "on"!
Two mothers of second graders are talking:
Did you do math for your son?
- Yes.
- Let me write off.
Vasya, yours homework, the description of the dog, literally coincides with the work of your older sister Katya. How to understand it?
- And what's incomprehensible here? We only have one dog at home.
The geography teacher comes to the doctor.
- Tell me exactly where your pain is concentrated? the doctor asks.
- Leg.
- Where?
- Northeast of the heel.
From school essays:
Andrei Bolkonsky often went to look at that oak, which he looked like like two drops of water.
All Lilliputians, young and old, rose to fight Gulliver.
We add to this list on the right, and push it on the left.
Soon Maresiev learned to fly on prostheses.
Chemistry lesson. Teacher:
What substances do not dissolve in water?
Student without hesitation
- Fish!
The father checks his son's notebook:
- I do not understand something: it is written " Classwork", but it's worth a deuce!
Mom, everyone at school teases me - they call me shampoo!
- Calm down, don't cry, do you hear, Schwarzkopf?
From school essays.
The dog was sitting in the yard, and around it was a large booth.
The calves were still stupid, uneducated.
The wolf was as hungry as an animal.
Andrei Sokolov was born for the good of the Motherland.
Time will pass, and Katerinas of both sexes will unite and sweep away the dark kingdom from the earth. And so it happened.
Morozko acts differently in this situation. Without thinking, he draws a revolver and shoots three times in the air, and then falls dead.
Korchagin even made a revolution in bed.
Nilovna worked in a factory, her husband beat her at home.
When Polovtsev took off his hat, he had a bare skull on his head, covered with sparse hair.
Zhukhrai taught Pavka: "Fighting is not harmful at all, you just need to know who to beat and why to beat." After that, Pavel's direct path to the Komsomol and the Red Army was determined.
Pierre Bezukhov is an emotional person.
The proletariat took power in order to give everyone the opportunity to feel how badly it lived before the revolution.
Onegin was very unsociable, therefore, when guests came to him, he was always given a horse to the anus.
From the lips of teachers.
If I had not made this remark, you would have been surprised if I had not made it.
Let's draw the vector invisibly.
My doves! If you are late all week on the first of March...
We will work on the contrary. Or is it all wrong for you?
First, let's check it in practice, and then we'll see how it works.
Tickets are different. One may get easier, and another easier.
Where necessary, put your initials in the correct case.
The teacher calls Kolya's dad to school:
- Your son drew such a spider that I almost fainted.
The boys are talking in the yard:
What subject do you like the most in school?
- Call.
- Great! And me too! It turns out that we are real friends!
A school year is like being pregnant. It lasts nine months, and starts to feel sick from the second week.
After the first school day Dima came home quiet and silent. Parents are concerned:
- Son, why are you silent? Mom asks.
- Yes, I remember my youth, - Dima is sad.
Parents spend the whole evening trying to get their son to do homework. Ivan comes up with one reason, then another. Finally, the parents run out of patience, and they themselves seat the boy at the desk.
The son exclaims, almost crying:
- Vanya, write! Vanya, read! Vanya, learn! Vanya, count! And when to live?
Dad, I broke glass at school again...
- Ugh, not a school, but some kind of greenhouse!
EXTRACTS FROM SCHOOL ESSAYS:
Onegin had a heavy heart and he went to Tatiana to relieve himself.
Lensky entered the duel in pantaloons. They dispersed and a shot rang out.
The boat came to the shore in the most impudent way...
He took a knife and shot himself.
Papa Carlo knocked out Pinocchio.
Since Pechorin is an extra person, then writing about him is a waste of time.
Onegin liked Byron, so he hung him over the bed.
Two horses entered the yard. These were the sons of Taras Bulba
Turgenev showed the woman in a more expanded form.
If you study well, Petya, dad and I will buy you a computer! Mom promises.
- What if I don't? - the boy is interested.
- Then my mother and I will buy you a piano! The father reassures his son.
Two schoolchildren are talking during the break:
- Wrote now control on anatomy. Sanka got a deuce.
- For what?
- Cheat. The teacher caught him while he was counting his ribs.
In a history lesson.
- What event is significant in 1799?
- Pushkin was born.
- And 1812?
- Pushkin turned 13 years old!
Exam dialogue.
- What is horsepower?
- This is the power that a horse one meter tall and weighing one kilogram develops.
Where did you see such a horse?
- You just can't see her. It is kept in Paris, in the Chamber of Weights and Measures.
Sidorov, name your pet four-legged friend.
- Bed!
Control. The teacher closely monitors the students and from time to time kicks out those who cheat.
The head teacher looks into the class.
- What, we write control? There must be a lot of cheaters here!
- No, amateurs are already outside the door, - the teacher answers. - Only professionals are left here.
I recently ran two kilometers in one minute at a school competition!
- You're lying! Is that faster than the world record?!
- So I know the shortcut!
I gave the school 10 years of my life, and it taught me only two things: to sing and count.
An abstract concept is something that cannot be touched, but something that can be thought about. Can anyone give an example?
- Yes. Hot iron.
Exam student:
I don't think I deserve such a low rating.
Examiner:
- Me, too, but the ratings are lower, unfortunately, no.
Maryivanna, I couldn't get to school yesterday because my dad's car broke down.
- So I would come by bus, what's the problem?
But we don't have a bus...
Applicants with a first name and patronymic Maryivanna are taken to Pedagogical University without exams.
Teacher:
- What feats have you accomplished in your life?
I once raised my hand in math class...
Do you like going to school?
- Yes, only the hours between walking are the most disgusting.
Entry in the school diary:
"Your child swallows the endings of words."
The answer of the parents: "We know, rugam."
From a school essay: "Penguins are fat swallows."
The teacher said that I knew mathematics very badly and put some number in my diary ...
There is a math test. Two students sit on the first desk: one is an excellent student, the other is a loser.
The teacher looks at them in notebooks:
- What is it?! Why do you choose one option?
The doppelgänger raises his head:
- What's the difference? The answers are still different!
The literature teacher has been working at the school for so long that many people think that Pushkin shot himself in a duel precisely because of her.
3000th year. Russian language lesson.
- Children, remember the main rule of punctuation: do not put a comma after the emoticon!
Student in class:
- I don't think I deserve this rating.
Teacher:
- Me too, but, unfortunately, not anymore.
The student answered five. The teacher asks for a diary.
“But I forgot it at home,” the student says.
- Take mine! whispers the neighbor.
The teacher says in class:
- Children, do you know that in the cold all objects shrink, and in heat, on the contrary, they increase in size? Who can give a real life example?
Masha raises her hand
- Summer holidays last longer than winter!
Teacher:
- Guys, tell me, what number is the word trousers: singular or plural?
Student:
- Above - singular, and below - plural.
And today I was lucky in the lesson!
- Which?
- The teacher wanted to put me in a corner, but all the corners were occupied.
One very fat girl was transferred to another class, after which the school leaned in the other direction.
After exam:
- Passed?
- It seems to have passed.
- What did they ask?
- Yes, I did not understand. They asked in English...
From a school essay:
"Quietly, on tiptoe, an elephant crept through the china shop."
Teacher:
- What natural phenomena occur in winter?
- Snowmen...
In a geography lesson, a teacher asks a student:
What does the map of Italy look like?
- On a rubber boot.
- That's right, boots. Why rubber?
- Because Italy is surrounded on all sides by water.
When the teacher is silent, it is better not to interrupt him.
The teacher arranges a roll call:
- Ivanov?
- Here!
- Petrov?
- Here!
- Thirty puppies?
The student gets up.
- Yes, I'm Zoshchenkov!
From school essays: "Tatyana wrote a letter to Onegin with a declaration of love, but he immediately sent it to spam."
Schoolchildren were asked to help distribute lottery tickets.
Each was given 20 pieces. The guys went home. One of them very quickly returned and proudly declared:
- I sold all the tickets! All twenty were taken in one house.
- And how did you do it?
- Their dog bit me.
The teacher warns the students:
- Never kiss animals. It is very dangerous. Who can give an example?
“Me,” one boy stands up. - My aunt used to kiss her poodle all the time.
- And what?
- The poodle is sick.
Children, what happens if 8 is divided in half?
- If divided horizontally, then two zeros, and if vertically, then two triples.
Sasha, how are you doing with math? the father asks.
- Fine! Yesterday I got eight minus five plus two.
The teacher calls Zhenya's dad:
- Your son drew such a spider on my desk that I almost fainted.
- What's this! He drew such a crocodile in our bathroom that I jumped out through the painted door!
From a school essay:
"Pet rats are very cute as long as they don't start themselves."
Yura, name four pets, the teacher asks.
- A dog and three puppies! the student answers.
Why are you sleeping in class? - Strictly asks the teacher Sonya.
“I don’t sleep, I just blink slowly,” the student justifies herself.
Tell us, Sasha, what substances do not dissolve in water? the teacher asks.
- Fish! - decisively answers the student.
The boys are talking at the drawing lesson:
- You drew well! Well done! I even whetted my appetite.
- Appetite? From sunrise?
- And I thought that you drew scrambled eggs.
The teacher asks Yegor:
- What are the names of the three heroes from Vasnetsov's painting?
- Athos, Porthos and Aramis, - Yegor answers.
What bird doesn't nest? the teacher asks.
- Cuckoo, - confidently answers Denis.
- Why? the teacher asks for clarification.
- Because she sits in the clock.
The teacher sternly asks Andryusha:
Why does your mom always do your homework for you?
- But because dad never has time, - sad Andryusha answers.
Cyril, did you learn the poem?
- Learned. I just forgot what it's about.
Teacher:
- Lisa, show me the Yellow Sea.
- I would show, but on the map all the seas are blue.
A young teacher complains to her friend:
- One of my students completely tortured me - he makes noise, hooligans, disrupts lessons.
- Doesn't he have a single positive quality?
- Unfortunately, there is. He never misses class.
The student came to the watch shop.
- Do you have a reliable alarm clock?
- There is nowhere more reliable, - the seller answers. - First, the siren turns on, then the artillery salvo is heard, and a glass is poured on your face cold water. If that doesn't work, the alarm will ring the school and let you know you're sick.
In a geography lesson:
- Petrov! I asked to show the lake on the map, and you climbed the mountain.
You can see the area better from here!
Teacher to student:
- Is NOT written with the verb together or separately?
- Through the gap!
The teacher asked an essay on the topic: "If I were the director of the school."
Everyone is diligently writing, only Vasya is looking out the window.
- Why don't you write?
- I'm waiting for the secretary.
Anecdotes about the school, teachers and students.
Teacher:- Stop passing notes to each other!
Student:
- These are not notes. We play cards.
- Ah, well then, excuse me.
Yura asks the taxi driver:
- Please drive me to school!
- Sorry, baby, but I'm going in a completely different direction.
- But it's even better! Yura rejoices.
The teacher asks the student:
- Name the capital of Norway.
- Oslo.
- And the capital of Denmark?
The student hesitates.
- Ko ... - prompts the teacher.
- Goat!
The teacher asks:
- What does the expression "The girl blushed to the roots of her hair" mean?
Student:
- That means she's dyed.
Teacher:
What role do trees play in people's lives?
Student:
- Very important! From them we learn the seasons!
The boy is taking an exam in drawing. He needs to draw a circle. He goes to the blackboard, takes the chalk, and, without taking his hands off, draws a perfect circle.
- How did you do it without a compass? - the teacher is surprised.
- And since childhood, I have been helping my mother turn the meat grinder.
You ran a hundred meters terribly slow! says the physical education teacher.
- Is there anything you can do quickly?
Student:
Yes, I get tired very quickly.
The teacher is asked:
- What are three reasons why you love your job?
- June July August...
The boy says to his grandmother:
- Grandma, are you afraid of anything?
- No, dear!
- No elephant, no lion, no crocodile?
- No, honey.
- Oh, then you can look at my diary...
Everyone in the class is in love with the excellent student Milovidova.
Petya and Vasya are talking.
- Do you know when her birthday is?
- No, but I know when it is March 8th.
The boy comes to school in the morning, but there is no school. Only the janitor sweeps in her place. The boy asks:
- And what, there will be no lessons today?
- No, the school was blown away by a hurricane.
The boy asks again:
- So, there will be no lessons today?
- I'm telling you, the school was blown away by a hurricane!
The boy is not appeased:
“Are you sure there won’t be any lessons?”
- How many times can I repeat: THE SCHOOL WAS DESTROYED BY A HURRICANE!!!
- So would listen and listen!
The teacher asks at the Russian language lesson:
- What time is it: I run, you run, he runs, they run?
Children - in chorus:
- Turn!
Mom, it seems to me that tomorrow at school I will look like a black sheep!
- Yes, well, daughter, you will croak!
Teacher:
- Children, there will be a rare phenomenon tonight - an eclipse of the moon. Do not miss! Beginning at 20-15.
Vovochka:
- What program?
List of used literature:
1. Magazine "Fidget".
2. Magazine "Cool"
3. Newspaper "The world of children and teenagers"
4. Magazine "Mickey Mouse".
5. "Funny school stories and anecdotes." Compiled by Shilova Galina Petrovna.
6. Cheerful magazine about animals "Toshka and company".
At the math lesson, the teacher explains the condition of the problem: “The staircase of the house under construction has five flights, each of which consists of 20 steps. How many steps do you have to walk to get to the top floor?
“Everything,” the student replies.
♦
In gym class:
“So, boys, which one of you smokes?” Dont lie! So... that means you and you... Clearly... So, like this: you and I will smoke, the rest - five laps around the stadium.
♦
One boy wrote the word “went” all the time through “o” (vulgar). The teacher made him stay after school and write this word 50 times to remember.
The boy did everything as the teacher ordered. On leaving home, he left her a note:
“I wrote the word “go” 50 times and _went_ home”
♦
One boy wrote a story: "Unsuccessful hunting."
One uncle went hunting. And drowned. And his dog is not. She was shot.
♦
One teacher complains to another:
- Well, the class got me stupid. I explain the theorem to them - they do not understand. The second time I explain - they do not understand. I explain it for the third time - I understood it myself, but they still don’t
understand...
♦
Oleg came to school very pale.
— Are you sick?
the teacher asked.
— No, my mom just washed me yesterday.
Father leads explanatory work
How dare you do that to teachers?
- well dad!
- well, nothing!
- Well, dad, she told us to make sure that she didn’t scream, so we put a rag in her mouth.
♦
A first grader begs a high school student:
- Give me 10 kopecks! Well, give me 10 cents! That:
- Leave me alone. And then he thought, took out a ruble and said:
- Okay, on. Probably mine runs like that somewhere...
First grader comes to the store school supplies and asks:
- Aunty, do you have glue for the 1st grade?
— No, boy.
- And the notebooks in a circle?
- In what other circle? Also no.
Behind the citizen speaks angrily.
“Boy, don’t fool the salesman and don’t take people’s time.
Girl, show me the globe of Ukraine.
The first grader came home sad. Mother asked:
- What, again got a deuce?
“Yeah,” the schoolboy sighed heavily, “would rather retire.
Before September 1, a mother irons a white shirt and trousers for her seven-year-old son - she prepares him for school. He looks at his son, and he sits some kind of sad, hushed:
- You don't want to go to school, son?
- No, I want to.
- Why are you so sad then?
- But how can I not be sad: tomorrow I will go to school, then to college, then to the army, after the army to get married ...
- So what?
- When will you live?
The computer science lesson is coming to an end.
Teacher:
- So, we're done!
And the knife switch immediately down - khryas!
Pupils: - We didn't survive!!!
The teacher, relenting, with a knife switch back:
- Okay, stay...
Late in the evening, the boy approaches his father and asks:
- Dad, what's next, Luna or New York?
"Son, you're big now and you should be ashamed to ask such stupid questions." Look out the window and look at the sky. What do you see there?
- Luna.
- That's right, do you see New York anywhere?
- No,
- Draw your own conclusions
Physics teacher in 7th grade:
“We live on one side of the Earth and see one side of the Moon, while Americans live on the other side of the Earth and see the other side of the Moon.
A new teacher of literature comes into the class and says:
- Who will be expressed in obscene words or spoil our speech, will get in the snout without any bazaars!
The son comes from school and says to his father:
“Dad, I took the old lady across the street today.
- Well done, son! Here's some candy for you. The next day, the son comes with a friend.
“The two of us took the old woman across the street today.
- Well done boys! Here's some candy for you. Two days later, the son brought a whole class.
- Today we transferred the whole class to the old woman across the street.
- Why are there so many of you?
Yes, the old woman resisted.
♦
The young parents of their son are escorted to school. New form, ironed collar, flowers. After school, parents can’t wait, they look out the window. After school, the son runs home, throws the briefcase and says:
- Why didn't you tell me right away that this bagpipe is for ten years.
A conversation between two students:
“Did you go to this terrible picture alone?”
- Yes one.
Was the cinema crowded?
- Actually, yes, but under the chair where I was hiding, it was empty.
Today a new girl came to class, so I put a frog in her backpack!
"And what did she tell you?"
— Oh-la-la! Merci side, mon cher! Fantastic!
The son does not study well and always insists that the teacher finds fault with him.
Finally, father and son went to school. The father asks the teacher:
Why are you picking on my son?
- I'm nitpicking? He doesn't know anything. Here, look. What is three times seven?
“See, papa? He starts again.
The son, gloomy and serious, approaches his mother and says:
- Mom, I have a test tomorrow!
- Don't worry, baby, we'll do it all over again. Well, tell me the capital of Germany?
Berlin.
- Capital of France?
- Berlin. Mom, let's do something harder.
- Capital of Poland?
- Berlin.
- How clever you are, Adolf!
High school students have a math test. Silence in the classroom. Suddenly the door opens, and a disheveled toddler shouts right from the threshold:
- Guys! Why are you sitting here, they brought beer to our buffet!
English lesson. The teacher asks the students:
— Ivanov, do you speak English?
— FAQ?
— Sit down, 3.
— Petrov, do you speak English?
— FAQ?
— Sit down, 3
- Sidorov, do you speak English?
- Yes, my teacher, i "m good speak English.
- Chavo?!
The old teacher died and went to hell.
A week later, the Chief Warden of Hell comes to him and says: Excuse me, please, there was a mistake.
You are supposed to be in heaven.
No, I'm sorry, I'm fine here, the teacher answers.
After school, hell seems like heaven to me.
Biology lesson.
Ivanov, name two wild animals for me.
— Tiger i don't remember
- Do not you know. Sit down, duo.
Petrov, name three wild animals for me.
- Tiger, lion, mmm
- Do not you know. Sit down, duo!
— Katzman! Five wild animals!
“Two tigers and three lions!”
History lesson.
Teacher: - Ivanov, who took Ishmael?
Ivanov is frightened: - I did not take it!
Honestly!
Maybe it's Petrov?
The teacher indignantly tells the head teacher about this conversation.
The head teacher reassures her: - Well, why are you so worried?
These are children: they will play and give back!
The teacher goes to the director and passes the conversation with the head teacher to him.
The director listened attentively to her and suddenly asked: - And what class was it?
- 5th "B".
- No, they won't!
♦
Mathematics lesson in a Georgian school. Teacher:
- Who knows how much it will be three times three? Petrov!
- Nine!
- Sit down, two! Ivanov!
- Nine...
- Sit down, two! Gogi!
Sam, teacher!
- Yes, somewhere like that - sam-vosem ...
The student was late for class.
Teacher: - Vanya, why are you late?
- Mom lost a ruble.
- What are you doing here?
And I stood on it.
The student opens the textbook and sees a photo of a kangaroo.
- Yes, don’t say anything, but Australian grasshoppers are larger than ours.
A biology teacher talks about an insect that lives only one day.
From the back of the desk a voice: - Here's the lafa!
Lifetime birthday!
A botany teacher asks a fifth grader: How do plants reproduce?
- Plants?
These are the ones I don't know about...
The teacher pronounces to the class attendant: “Again, the board is dirty, the rag is dry, and on the globe,” he pointed with his finger, “dust.
"It's not dust," the officer on duty objected.
“Where your finger is, is the Sahara.
The geography teacher comes to the doctor.
- Tell me exactly where your pain is concentrated? he asks.
- Leg.
- Where?
— North-east of the heel...
The teacher says to the student:
- Let your grandfather come to school tomorrow!
Do you mean father?
— No, grandfather. I want to show him what blunders his son makes in your homework.
The teacher gave the class a task:
- If five flies sit on your desk and you kill one of them, how many will remain?
One, the rest will fly away.
The mathematics teacher, looking into the student's notebook, was shocked by the intricate calculations:
"One of us has gone mad, Sidorov!"
The next day, Sidorov puts an envelope on the table.
— What's in it? the teacher asks.
— Help stating that I'm not crazy.
The music teacher says to the student:
“I warn you that if you don’t behave properly, I will tell your parents that you have a talent.
The teacher at the lesson of natural history asks the son of a military sailor: What are the names of creatures that feel equally good on land and at sea?
Sailors.
The teacher explains the rules to the students good manners:
- On the stairs, a man always rises in front of a lady. Do any of you know why?
“Because the lady probably doesn't know what floor he lives on.
Everyone knows the genre of short, sparkling, humorous stories. Here you will find cool selection jokes on school theme. Funny jokes about teachers, students, about the school that we love to tell each other at breaks.
Jokes on the school theme.
At school, the teacher tells the children to stand up for those who think they are fools. Silence hangs, after a while Petechka gets up:
Do you consider yourself not a distant person?
- No, it's just uncomfortable somehow that you're standing alone!
Vovochka comes home:
- I don't know whether to trust our math teacher. Yesterday he said that 10=6+4, and today that 10=7+3.
Teacher:
- Well, what did Mars like?
Student:
- Yes teacher. The 4th planet from the Sun, and its satellites - Phobos and Deimos made me think ...
Teacher:
- You gained knowledge, but remained a fool, so is the chocolate delicious?
4
Teacher:
- Baranov, tell me at least one animal included in the Red Book.
- Puma.
- You would still "Adidas" said!
5
Teacher:
- Little Johnny, if you find two bags, one with intelligence and the other with gold... which one will you choose?
- With gold, of course!
- And I would be wise!
- Well, who is missing something! ...
6
Vovochka was absent from school for three days. On the fourth comes. His teacher asks:
- Vovochka, where were you?
- Yes, you understand, Marya Ivanovna, my grandfather died.
- Oh, Vovochka, what a pity, but what happened?
- You see, my grandfather is old, 70 years old, we live on the 8th floor.
He climbed the stairs and, going into the apartment, lay down to rest. He lay down on the couch, lit a cigarette and fell asleep. The cigarette fell to the floor and started a fire.
- Oh, the grandfather burned down?
- Not really. Neighbors managed to call firefighters, grandfather woke up, saw a fire and jumped out the window...
- Grandpa crashed?
- No. The firefighters managed to pull the tarpaulin and grandfather landed in the very middle, but he bounced back and flew back to the 8th floor...
- Burnt grandfather?
- Grandpa crashed?
- No. He again fell on the tarpaulin and again springed to the 8th floor.
- Burnt grandfather?
- No. He jumped out again...
- So Vovochka: what did grandfather die of?
- Yes, the firemen shot him - he got them ...
At the Latvian school, the director wanted to see how the first-graders were doing their classes. Enters the class. There is a math lesson. The teacher looks at the children with a stern look and says loudly in a stern voice:
- Cosine!
- I must have heard, - thought the director. - What is the cosine in the 1st grade?
- Cosine!
- Wow! the director thought. - What is it, now in the 1st grade they study trigonometry ?!
- Cosine!
- What did she do! Cosine yes cosine!
- Valdis Cosine! Stop talking!
The teacher meets former student:
- Well, what are you doing now?
- Meteorology.
- M-yes-ah-ah ... But he was such an honest, truth-loving boy.
The old teacher died and went to hell. A week later, the Chief Overseer of Hell comes to him and says:
Sorry, there is an error here. You are supposed to be in heaven.
No, I'm sorry, I'm fine here, too, - the teacher replies. - After school, hell seems like heaven to me.
Son says to mother:
I won't go to school anymore.
Yes, well, this school. Again Kuznetsov will hit the head with a textbook, Vasiliev will start aiming with a slingshot, and Voronin will trip. Will not go.
No, son, you must go to school, says the mother. - Firstly, you are already an adult, you are forty years old, and secondly, you are the director of the school.
One teacher complains to another:
Well, the class got me stupid. I explain the theorem to them - they do not understand. The second time I explain - they do not understand. I explain it for the third time - I understood it myself, but they still don’t understand ...
The teacher runs to the director in tears:
Ah, this ninth "b" is simply unbearable! Not students - animals, cattle! And one even threatened to rape me! Can you imagine?!
The director gets up and goes to class. Included. Silently he examines the rows of ninth-graders and points his finger at the repeater on the first desk:
This one said? I understand: this time he said - he will do it.
The teacher brings a computer into the classroom. Puts on the table. Asks students:
One-in. With difficulty, the teacher brings a second computer into the classroom.
Children, how many computers are on the table?
Two-a. Exhausted, the teacher drags a third computer into the classroom.
Children, now how many computers are on the table?
Three. Wiping sweat from her forehead, the teacher whispers:
And yet, with apples it was somehow easier!
English lesson. The teacher asks students:
Ivanov, do you speak English?
Sit down 3.
Petrov, do you speak English?
Sit down 3
Sidorov, do you speak English?
Ues, m at tea she, i "m good s peak english.
The teacher asks the students:
Children, tell me, how long will the family be seven? So tell me, Petya.
I can't hear, Ivan Sergeevich. The teacher comes closer to Petya and asks:
How old is a family of seven?
I can't hear, Ivan Sergeevich.
You're lying. Well, let's switch places. Petya comes to the teacher's desk and asks:
Ivan Sergeevich! When will you stop going to my mother?
I'm sorry, what?
When will you stop going to my mother?
You look! And in fact, it is not audible on this desk.
The teacher says to the student:
Let your grandfather come to school tomorrow!
Do you mean father?
No, grandfather. I want to show him what blunders his son makes in your homework.
Noise coming from a neighboring classroom interferes with the teacher's teaching. He walks in, grabs the head screamer by the ear, and takes him to his classroom. The neighborhood is getting quiet. After a while there is a timid knock on the door.
A student from the next class enters and says:
Ivan Petrovich! Could you bring our teacher back to us?
In Georgian school goes lesson. The teacher asks:
Guys, tell us about your parents. Who do they work for you? Here you are, Soso, tell me, what is your father's job?
My dad grows oranges, takes them to Russia and makes good money.
And you, Suliko?
My dad sells bay leaves in Russia and makes good money.
Tell me, Illarion.
My dad is an engineer. There was laughter in the class. Then the teacher said:
Children! No need to laugh at someone else's grief
Physics teacher in 7th grade:
We live on one side of the Earth and see one side of the Moon, while Americans live on the other side of the Earth and see the other side of the Moon.
At a literature lesson in a "computer" class:
- Gerasim was this... this... well, he didn't have a sound card!
*****
Teacher:
- The topic of today's lesson is "Solving quadratic equations."
Whole class:
- Uuuu...
- Well, okay, okay, at the end we'll dance a little, listen to music.
*****
Two students are talking:
We just wrote an anatomy test. Sanka got a deuce.
- For what?
- For a cheat sheet. The teacher caught him when he was counting his ribs.
*****
Father to son:
- You're right, I also studied for deuces, so it will be fair if I encourage you the way your grandfather encouraged me ... with a belt.
*****
A father is talking to a son who is not studying well:
- What do you need to do so that you do not get a deuce?
- It is necessary that the teacher did not call me.
*****
Mashenka, show me your diary.
- I can not! I gave it to Katya!
- For what?
- Parents to scare!
*****
- For a hint, I reduce the score by a point!
- Nothing, it's better to get a four than a deuce. Sidorov, tell me!
*****
A worried mother says to her schoolboy son:
- Hurry up, you'll be late for school!
- Don't worry, Mom, because the school is open all day.
*****
- Sidorov! Write legibly! the teacher says sternly.
- Yes? Maybe you still say: "write without errors"?!
*****
- Doctor, my son has a strabismus.
- Come on, boy, look at me. Is it clear now. Have you been born with this?
- No, doctor, from cheating.
*****
Student - teacher:
Should someone be punished for something they didn't do?
- No, of course not!
- Fine. I didn't do my homework...
*****
- Let your grandfather come to school tomorrow!
- Do you mean father?
- No, grandfather. I want to show him what mistakes his son makes in your homework.
*****
- What time is it: I run, you run, he runs, they run?
- Change!
*****
Teacher:
- Now, if I give you a rabbit, then two more rabbits, and then three more rabbits! How much will?
Student:
- Seven!
Teacher:
- Listen carefully! First one rabbit, then two more, and then three more. How many?
Student:
- Seven!
Teacher:
- Taak! Let's do it differently! One apple plus two apples plus three more apples! How many?
Student:
- Six!
Teacher:
- Finally! A rabbit plus two rabbits plus three rabbits! How many?
Student:
- Seven!
Teacher:
- But why?!!
Student:
- And I already have one rabbit!
*****
School. Noise coming from the next room interferes with the teacher's teaching. He walks in, grabs the head screamer by the ear, and takes him to his classroom. The neighborhood is getting quiet. After a while there is a timid knock on the door.
A student from the next class enters and says:
- Ivan Petrovich! Could you bring our teacher back to us?
*****
- Dad, can you sign with your eyes closed?
- Yes, why?
- Then sign in my diary.
*****
The most terrible phrase of school childhood: “So, now we put away the textbooks and take out double sheets of paper ...”.
*****
- Sasha, what are you doing?
- I'm digging up a tree, the maths gave me homework - to find the root.
- Never mind, you're still lucky: Fedka, she finally said to divide the member into a polynomial. He sits sharpening a knife, crying ...
*****
The OBZh teacher set the school on fire and gave those who managed to run out fives for a quarter.
*****
School teacher:
- We have a test today.
- Can I use a calculator?
- Can.
- What about Bradis tables?
- Can. So, children, write down the topic of the test. Abolition of serfdom.
*****
At the lessons at school, the artist wakes up in many..
*****
There is a feeling as if the first three classes at your child's school are an exciting competition between parents: who draws, sculpts, glues better ...
*****
The teacher said that I did not know mathematics at all and put some number in my diary.
*****
Vovochka's father:
Did you fix the two?
- Corrected!
- Come on, show me!
- Here!
- Well, who fixes it like that?! Give it here!
*****
Teacher:
- Vovochka, what, in your opinion, should be the ideal school?
- Locked, Mary Ivanna.
*****
- Mom, we were vaccinated at school today!
- Well, you, my daughter, I hope you didn't cry?
- No, mother, they did not catch up with me!
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Comments:
a little not children's jokes but in principle the norms
normal
norm
I like.
