François de La Rochefoucauld
Should people be helped? I am sure, at least once in your life, many of you have asked this question, and for good reason. After all, on the one hand, deep inside ourselves, we feel the need to help someone with something when we have such an opportunity, and on the other, our life experience often shows us that helping other people is not only unprofitable, but even dangerous in some cases. And although we do not always realize how beneficial or disadvantageous it is for us to actually help someone in a given situation, we are nevertheless afraid to do this, because we know that many people tend to abuse someone else's help and trust . There are those among us who do not understand at all - why help someone when you can and should take care only of yourself, including at the expense of other people. Helping people seems to be a very stupid thing, especially since it is also ungrateful in most cases. That's why some of us never help anyone. But the fact is that the tendency to help other people is inherent in us by nature. And it is laid in us in order to make our species more tenacious. Without each other's help, we would all have died out long ago. In this article, dear readers, I will tell you why you need to help other people, in what situations you need to do it, and most importantly, how you need to help people in order to really help, and not harm them and yourself.
Pay attention, no matter how selfish many people are - even they sometimes help someone with something, albeit in small ways, but they help. And even despite those situations when people are deliberately set against each other, when they indulge their egoism and even bring it up in them, people still help each other, even the most insignificant. True, there are people who never help anyone, in any case, we do not notice this in them. But such people are few, they are still more of an exception. At the same time, our desire to help other people does not contradict our egoism, because by helping others we can help ourselves at the same time, but often we do not realize this. Man is a social being, he cannot live without other people. We are all dependent on the people around us in one way or another. And since we depend on each other, it means that we need each other, and since we need each other, we must help each other, we must take care of each other. Actually, people have always done it, but we all have different opportunities. Some take care of their family, others take care of whole country and even all of humanity. But there are those among us who are not even able to take care of themselves. Thus, we see that people are interested in helping each other. But at the same time, many of us still doubt the need to help other people. Let's find out why.
In one famous cartoon [Cheburashka] there is a song with the following words: “He who helps people wastes time in vain. You can’t become famous for good deeds ... ”And you know what, dear friends, some people are firmly convinced of the truth of these words. They adhere to just such a position in life - they do not want to help anyone. But is it really so? Are we wasting time when we help someone, and don't our good deeds lead us to anything good? Maybe the whole point is that we do not know what kind of help to other people should be and what things can really be called good? I think that's exactly the point.
Think about what would happen if, as a child, you were surrounded by people who were extremely hostile to you, ready to take advantage of your weakness and completely unwilling to help you. You probably wouldn't have survived. Although that means, probably - you definitely would not have survived. So we've all been helped once because we've survived and grown and learned something because we can now take care of ourselves. But even as adults, most of us are faced with the help of other people, we just do not always notice it. You will not say that all the people around you have never done anything good for you, never helped you in any way. Something, I am sure, they have done and are doing for you, even if not always and not entirely unselfishly, but in any case not for money. We quite often unconsciously help each other, not always correctly, not always disinterestedly, it’s just that self-interest is different and there is nothing wrong with it, but we need to live somehow, take care of ourselves somehow, it’s not always good to do good deeds for free, without any personal gain. But the main thing that we do is we help each other. And we need to notice this help in order to understand how important it is for us. Then a person’s tongue will not rise to say that helping people is an absolutely useless thing, on which we waste our time.
But, I repeat, you need to be able to help people. You see, what you consider help and a good deed in a given situation is not always perceived as help and a good deed by another person, by other people. Someone can and should be helped with advice, someone with a deed, and someone with a stick, if the person does not understand anything else. So help can be different. Therefore, before helping someone, you need to find out what kind of help this or that person needs. Take, for example, children - are they able to understand an adult who limits them in many ways, forces them to study and does not allow them to do whatever they want? It is quite obvious that the position of adults is not fully understood by children, and sometimes not at all, if adults communicate little with them and do not explain anything to them. Therefore, sometimes you have to resort to a belt and help children become normal people, able to take care of themselves, able to integrate into society and adapt in it, contrary to their wishes and even with their hatred of themselves. In other words, our help to children is not always perceived by them as help, and sometimes they are not only not grateful to us for it, but also hate us for our help to them. But this does not mean that we should not take care of our children, should not help them, right? And we must help them - correctly, and not in the way they want it.
Not only children can be ungrateful, but, as we all know, adults too. Many people, yes there are many, the vast majority of people, do not like it when, say, they are told the truth, the very truth that, on the one hand, is able to help them, and on the other, is ignored by them for various reasons. This often happens in life. I am telling you this as a psychologist. Some people turn to psychologists for help and when he finds the cause of their problem, they refuse this help. People do not want to be treated, they do not want to accept help, they do not want to know the truth about their problem - they run away from it because they are afraid of it. Of course, all these fears can be overcome, and professionals bypass them. But sometimes, you just don’t know how ready a person is for what you tell him. And sometimes, unfortunately, your desire to help a person in the simplest and most obvious way only harms working with him, because he is not only not ready, but also does not want to be helped. But, does it follow from this that it is not necessary to help people? Of course not. Especially if this is your professional duty. One must do one's work conscientiously so as not to sow the seeds of chaos and distrust around oneself, from which most of our troubles grow. It's just that many people are very weak - life has made them so, and they are not ready to accept this or that help. This must be taken into account - and help people correctly, taking into account their personal characteristics. Behind the right help most people will definitely thank you, and when necessary, they will help you, to the best of their ability. Therefore, the point is not that it is not necessary to help people, due to the fact that they do not always respond to kindness with kindness, but how exactly this should be done. But there is no doubt that this must be done. After all, the more united and friendly people will be, helping each other in difficult situations, the easier, more fun and better their life will be.
I also want to say that one should not expect gratitude from other people for their help - this is not a product that can and should be bargained for. We help each other in order to live well together, and not to ask each other for our good deeds. Are you going to present a bill to a person for telling him how to get to the library? Or maybe you will bill your children for everything you have done and are doing for them? Or do we need to start giving each other not free, but paid advice, regardless of their usefulness? We probably do not need all this, since such a life will not benefit any of us. Of course, some types of help deserve special thanks. For example, we cannot work for each other for free or give each other large amounts of money on parole, or cooperate with each other without any contracts, since our human nature, unfortunately, does not allow us to do this. Therefore, there are money, contracts, laws, rules, all kinds of obligations, and so on. But you know what, dear friends, no money and no laws, no matter how harsh they may be, will force a person to conscientiously fulfill his obligations to other people and thus help them. Therefore, the same money does not always stimulate people well enough, since people like to receive big money, but they do not want to work for them. If, for example, we overpay employees by paying them undeservedly high wages, they will simply stop working, because they will feel that, in popular terms, a freebie has gone. Therefore, high wages where they should not be - this is not helping people - this is evil.
And the same thing with violence - it also does not lead to good. You can force a person to do something for you, but this work will be of poor quality, and the person himself will hate you and will rebel against you at the first opportunity. Therefore, people should want to do good deeds for each other, even if not disinterestedly, when this is impossible, but from the heart. And such a desire can only be aroused in them with the help of proper education and upbringing, when each person begins to understand how his life depends on other people and how the life of the society in which he lives depends on him and his actions. In other words, it is necessary to explain cause-and-effect relationships to people in order to develop their systems thinking. And then, they will understand what the Buddha meant when he said - how separate element supports the system, and the system supports an individual element. And thanks to this understanding, most people will want to help each other, because they will see that it is beneficial for them to do so. After all, no matter how many people there are in this world, one by one they can all be overcome, subjugated, used. But when they are a mountain for each other, when they support each other and help each other, it is very difficult to cope with them, and sometimes it is completely impossible. Therefore, any power always - divides people and because of this rules over them. Without dividing people and pitting them against each other, the minority would never be able to subdue the majority.
We also need to understand that before we start helping other people, we need to learn how to help ourselves. It is clear that help can be different, someone is able to help in a big way, someone in small things, depending on their capabilities. We can all be of some help to each other. But still, in some cases, in order to help people correctly, you must first help yourself. A person must be morally mature to help other people. And before this maturation, he needs to take care mainly of himself and not take responsibility for other people. No wonder children are so selfish, their selfishness helps them take care of themselves, it helps them survive. Children cannot take care of anyone because they have not yet learned to take care of themselves. And help from them, if it can be, is very insignificant, because they themselves still need the help of adults. And adults, those who, as they say, are morally and intellectually mature, no longer have such a selfish approach to life, because they are able to take care not only of themselves, but also of other people, in particular, their own and even other people's children. . Selfishness, in its most ugly form, is inherent in weak people who do not know how to properly take care of themselves, so they row everything for themselves, because this form of behavior is necessary for them to survive. Only in our society, with its rules and laws, in order to help yourself it is more important to seem more like an altruist than an egoist. But for this, it is no longer necessary to rely on your instincts, but on your intellect. What many egoists do not know how to do, because of the immaturity of their minds. Egoists not only do not want, but also do not know how to help people, they do not know how to take care of anyone. Sometimes they are not even able to help themselves, they cannot take care of themselves. The same children, due to their underdevelopment, are not able to cope with many things on their own and cannot help themselves in many matters. How then can they help other people? Naturally, no way. This is how many conditionally adult people, in some cases, cannot help other people, because they have not learned to help themselves. Therefore, before you start doing good deeds and with their help improve as your own life, and the lives of other people - you must first develop yourself in the right way, that is, first you need to help yourself. Otherwise, wanting to do what is best, you will only make things worse, both for yourself and for other people.
You and I, of course, try to stay away from such people, since no one is pleased when they try to use him or even take him for a fool, but at the same time we ourselves do such stupid things that look like help, but in reality are evil. For example, you cannot give money to some beggars, for whom begging is not a way of survival, but a business, and a very bad, dirty business, because of which, for example, babies suffer, who are used to pity people. And when we give money to those who do not need to give it, we do not help people, but create and spread evil. Another example, also very common, is the help of some parents to their children, when parents do everything for their children, thus preventing them from learning to take care of themselves. As a result, such children grow up - selfish, cynical, spoiled, dependent, unadapted to life people. As a result, a seemingly good deed leads to the opposite result. The best help to a person, in my opinion, is help with advice. Moreover, advice can be free, and the benefits from it are enormous.
Thus, helping people is not a meaningless activity that is not worth spending time and effort on - it is a useful desire for all of us to make our lives better. When we help others, we often help ourselves. You just need to understand what kind of help to other people or a specific person in a given situation should be in order for it to be useful. People are different, situations are also different, so help cannot always be the same for everyone. Help must be competent, appropriate, timely and in demand, only then it will benefit everyone, both those we help and ourselves. Therefore, do not listen to those who say that helping people is a useless and stupid occupation. That which makes us stronger and helps us as a species to survive cannot be useless stupidity.
Often the feeling of loneliness makes people think about how to become needed by other people. The paradox is that others will not need you until you understand. But this is not all. Let's figure it out and find the answer together, what should be attractive in a person so that other people are drawn to him.
The main mistakes of single people
Tired of being alone, many seek by all means to get the attention of others. They become intrusive, and even direct hints that the conversation is tired and it is time to end it do not sober them up. With relatives, such people behave no better: they accuse everyone of selfishness, and that everyone needs only material values. This is how older people behave.
Young people, on the contrary, rebel, trying to hide their feelings, demonstrating their independence and viability. Behind external rudeness, a suffering person tries to hide his vulnerability, vulnerability. It is very difficult to help such people understand themselves, but it is possible.
Both in the first and in the second case, the root of the problem is the same: a person is focused on outside help, secretly hoping that someone will come to the rescue, fall in love, warm up, relieve complexes. But the truth is, you have to start with yourself.
To be needed by others, learn to be needed by yourself.
- A person who is able to give joy to himself, appreciate, love, respect himself, radiates joy. This kind energy becomes an aura around him. He gives a smile good mood He's a pleasure to be around. Learn to be such a sun, and people themselves will begin to seek communication with you.
- Stop complaining about the world, talk about your own, sores, failures, troubles. Keep in your memory only good and bright, joyful, cheerful. Give good, be selfless, everything will come back a hundredfold.
- Don't be intrusive. People are free creatures, not loving pressure. If at any moment you are ready to let go even a dear person, be sure: he will definitely return, and not out of a sense of duty, but at the call of his heart.
- If you want to be needed by others, ask yourself: what are you ready to give them? In the most important sincerity, disinterestedness, interest in the interlocutor. If others feel that their well-being is important to you, this will attract them to you.
You can talk a lot more on this topic, but I will highlight the most important point: in order to be needed by others, you should learn to be a self-sufficient, sincere, sincere person. Get rid of suspicion, jealousy, envy, feelings of doom and own worthlessness. Spread your wings, love yourself and those around you. It is the love that you feel for yourself, your loved ones, just the people next to you, that makes
At the lesson literary reading after studying the story of Sukhomlinsky V.A. "Ordinary Man" in the 4th grade, children are invited to write an essay - reasoning "What does it mean to be a man?"
Let's bring sample texts of short essays which can also be used as essay on what it means to be human
What does it mean to be human? We often hear:
"Man - that sounds proud"
"A man with a capital letter".
And what does it mean? For me, the word "man" is manifested in his actions. After all real man should always come to the aid of those who need it, without thinking about themselves, their lives. And there are a lot of such people in our country.
These are ordinary passers-by who did not lose their heads and saved a drowning man and Heroes who save the lives of people every day, children who carry their brothers and sisters out of the fire. I really want there to be more such people, so that each person has responsibility not only for himself, but also for other people.
Be kind to each other. And you will rightly be called "a man with a capital letter!"
A real person is a person who is ready to sacrifice his life for the sake of another. This is a man who has a heart and a soul. Even if someone makes mistakes in life, a real person will definitely understand and correct them. Being human means being ready to help anyone.
To be human means to be kind, sympathetic, to help people. Be calm and not greedy, considerate and honest.
For example, a real person will never pass by a grandmother whose bag was torn and food spilled out of it. Everyone should be ready to help even a stranger, because each of us wants only kind people to be around.
To be human means to do human things. Think not only about yourself, but also about the world that surrounds you. Even if you are in trouble, do not think that everyone should run to your aid, only egoists do this. And an egoist is not a person. People, be kind to the world around you, think not only about yourself, help others, and then they will definitely help you too!
In the concept of "being a man" everyone puts his own meaning. This is what influences actions and deeds.
In my understanding, "to be a man" is, first of all, to be a person with your own opinion, your own interests, your own meaning of life. A person becomes in the process of training, education, in the process of communicating with other people. It is not enough for a person to be smart and educated, he must be hardworking, honest, compassionate, ready to help. He should treat all living things with respect. A person should love his country and take care of it.
Only everyone can decide for himself to be a man or to be a creature similar to him.
A person is not a position or a profession. To be human is worthy to exist in this world. Do good to people and never deceive them. Be polite and kind. A real person is a friend who can come to the rescue, free from trouble and not envy. Good man be an example for children. A person should help not only his family, but also take care of other people.
To be human means to be educated, responsible, decent. Each person has their own rules, principles and norms of behavior. But, a real person knows how to keep his promise, which means he is responsible. Being educated means knowing how to behave in society, knowing how to do it and how not to do it. That is to be decent. Many consider themselves responsible, well-mannered and decent, but in reality this is not so. A person must have knowledge of these qualities, which means that he must also be smart.
The concept of "man" includes deep meaning. To be human is not only to eat, sleep, walk, lie down. I think that a real person is a good friend who can always come to the rescue.
A real person should be good not only to himself, but also to other people. I really like the statement of the famous teacher V. Sukhomlinsky: “You were born a man, but you must become a Man.” Becoming a real man is not easy, because we live in a difficult world where money and concern for one’s well-being make people cruel and indifferent.
I think. that to be a man is to fight evil, to be hardworking, to be responsible for everything, to be able to love and forgive.
Essay "What does it mean to be human"
A man belongs to the order of mammals, but unlike animals, he has a conscience, a man is smart, kind, sympathetic, respects his ancestors.
To be human means to be sad, to rejoice, to study and work, to be kind, sympathetic, to get tired, and then to rest, walk and run, raise and take care of children, build houses, plant trees, so that life would be better.
Why does a person need other people? After all, is it really impossible to live somewhere far, far away, for example, on a desert island? How great it would be: no one would annoy with their claims, no one would squeal in your ear, no one would bother with stupid problems, no one would interfere with living the life you want. There would be no need to bend before anyone, no one would need to put on masks. But a skeptic will notice that this is impossible: one cannot survive on a desert island alone, a person needs other people to jointly obtain food and warmth. Therefore, one has to live and only dream of possible loneliness. But isn't it possible today to live in society and outside it at the same time? That is, to consume everything that society gives, but at the same time there is very little contact with annoying people. Answer: yes! Today it is finally possible. And right now, more than ever, the same question arises: why then does a person need other people at all? What is the purpose and purpose of creating many different people?
Why did man need other people in the past? And what has changed today?
How can one determine a person's psychological health and realization in life in relation to other people?
The statement that a person needs another person is accepted in society as an axiom. And we will know about it in the very early age. Already in kindergarten and at school we are taught to live in a team, they push us to friendship and mutual respect. We are given one task per class, we are put in pairs at physical education, collective parties are arranged for us. The same is true at home: any child knows his dependence on his parents, on brothers and sisters, from whom you cannot run away, and you have to share everything in the world with them. We grow up and learn that all the rules human society, for example, politics, economics, jurisprudence, is the regulation of relationships between people. That is, everywhere and everywhere we see that a person needs other people.
On the other hand, it is obvious that we cannot stand some people, we only tolerate others, we have nothing in common with others, and only a small fraction of the total number of people is close to us - this is a limited circle of friends, relatives and colleagues. And there are those who do not even have this circle. Like, for example, Dmitry Vinogradov, who wrote his manifesto of hatred, where he expressed his dislike for all of humanity.
Strangers hurt us, bring suffering - why are they needed at all? Why is such a life created where we have to interact with people who cause nothing but hatred and rejection. Why does a person need other people with whom conflicts and quarrels arise?
And the question arises: what is the meaning of a person's relationship with other people, especially unpleasant ones? Of course, earlier, in past centuries, we were very dependent on each other, and on our own, alone, a person could not survive - we had to endure other people, hunting and war. But today it's not like that. Is modern science and technology does not allow us to reduce the dependence of a person on a person, and therefore allow us to have less contact with others? Why does one person need another today? Maybe it's time to break the chains and finally start living happily alone?
Why does a person really need another person?
Yes, in fact, throughout the history of mankind, one person has depended on society for literally this word. Why did a person need another person? Just for survival: only in a pack, in society, he could provide himself with protection and food. In addition, the smarter and stronger of the people also exploited those who were weaker - through slavery, for example.
Today everything is different: we can really live without others. Or rather, we can live life, fully staying in society, but completely detached from it. There is no need to go to the store and wait in tedious queues that enrage - the courier will bring the goods and leave them near the door. There is no need to go to the library and sit in the common room, leafing through a book read by someone - any knowledge can be obtained remotely. There is no need to visit the office and communicate with unpleasant colleagues - you can hand over the work virtually, and get money on the card. Even for the birth of a child, a woman can no longer create a marriage, but just go to a donation center and get fertilization without the participation of a man. No, contacts, of course, are preserved - we have to go to the dentist personally, but they are very superficial and do not mean anything.
And it is precisely today that the question “Why does a person need another person?” takes on a new color. Indeed, what gives a person's relationship with other people? And for the first time in the history of mankind, we can actually give the right answer to this question. And we can do this precisely because we got rid of the direct dependence of man on man at the animal level.
Now it becomes obvious that a person needs other people for more than just obtaining food or providing various services to each other. A person's relationship with other people is entering a new incredible stage: it is mutual understanding and mutual inclusion in society. Simply put, we need other people to receive joy and happiness. There are already guesses that this will be the case in the future, because we are already striving for this. Men and women want to create couples not just to continue the race, but in order to love and be loved, to experience pleasure during sex and just spending time together, to dissolve in each other.
We read with admiration stories about people who do not just go to work for a salary, but want a little more - to create a common brainchild that is necessary and useful to the common, burn with all their hearts about it and give their all for the good of the common. And so it is at all levels.
We anticipate that it is in other people that true happiness and joy are hidden. But, unfortunately, today the majority does not succeed and people bring each other more suffering than in any past era. Therefore, there is a feeling of alienation, a desire to get away from everyone, to hide on desert island and be alone. But this is the wrong way, because modern man, more than ever, dependent on another person. Without contact with other people, our contemporary simply cannot build a normal life.
Causes of hatred and hostility
There is no peace under the olives, there is no life path everything is just good. The history of mankind tells us that we come to everything in the world through effort. So it is here: in order to live happily, it is necessary to go through fire, water and copper pipes. Today, this is the way we are going into the future: we want a lot, but we can’t do it. As a result, we suffer and are torn from hatred and hostility. And all because so far most people do not have a special tool with which we could understand the real connection between people. The desire is there, the conditions are created, but the way to achieve it is unknown. Therefore, we are looking for it: in horoscopes, fortunetellers and clairvoyants, in various psychological tests. We guess on coffee grounds and look at the stars with lust: how to achieve happiness, how to do it so as not to suffer?
Today we are in a special rejection from each other. But, as they say, there is only one step from hate to love. And for the time being, we do not even realize how much stunning discoveries and a new incredible life await us ahead.
The world was created ideal, so all our desires are initially provided. ancient man was provided with a mammoth, then with iron, and then, up to the present day, with everything that is needed. And today we are already provided not only with food and tools, but also with knowledge - the desire to know oneself and the other is already provided, to understand what is the meaning of a person’s real relationship with other people. This knowledge came to us through the training "Systemic Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan. It is this science that allows absolutely every person to understand why a person needs other people, in the end to find his place in society, create an ideal couple, raise happy children, enjoy self-realization, truly love life.
All people want to feel needed. Life takes on meaning and meaning when someone feels the need for your presence, for something that only you and no one else can give.
Necessary means beloved
So what does it mean to be needed? The concept of "necessary" is given by Ushakov's dictionary. Here it is interpreted as "necessary". To become necessary for someone means to become his missing part, so to speak, a continuation, an energy recharging. With such an attitude between a man and a woman, a fusion of souls or a kind of dependence is born. At the same time, the absence of the “necessary” component brings a tangible heartache. A person can adapt to any living conditions. However, life in these new circumstances will be completely different. The pain of loss may dull over time, or it may never leave a person who has lost another, close and necessary person. For example, having lost a part of the body, an individual will survive and adapt, learn to manage in this way, or replace the “loss” with a prosthesis, but never become the same again.
It turns out that being needed for someone is a lot. And this is important. If a person close to you says that he needs you, this may mean that his feelings for you may be even stronger than love. But this does not always happen.
Necessary means useful
In the mouths of other men, “necessity” can also sound like “usefulness”. Then utility means the satisfaction of needs, or the fulfillment of requests when consuming certain goods and using services. From this perspective, the saying: “I need you” does not sound so pleasant anymore and bears the imprint of the selfish use of all the benefits that the presence of a woman in the house can bring with it. Pleasant company, delicious lunch, pressed shirts and clean socks. In this case, there is no question of love.
It's good to be needed
In many ways, the meaning of the phrase “I need you” depends on the context and on the feeling with which it is pronounced: to be in demand, to be useful, to give what a person needs right now, to be loved and necessary like air ... there can be many interpretations. But, without a doubt, in our disunited time, when everyone is busy only with themselves, “being needed” by someone or showing that you need someone is very important, and you should not neglect it.
