Everyone knows that learning English can be for different purposes. Someone needs to master business correspondence, someone wants to read books written in English in the original, someone wants to understand the well-known songs of their favorite bands by ear, sometimes translation skills of special literature are required. In all these cases, the skill of direct communication may not be needed. But a huge number of people learn English precisely in order to communicate in it with friends, partners or people on tourist trips abroad. In this case the most important means for the formation of communication skills are a variety of dialogues in English.
As one respected university English teacher used to say when he had his students repeat the same phrases over and over again: “An unprepared speech is a well-prepared speech.” This phrase, paradoxical at first glance, actually has a certain practical meaning. If you are not a native speaker, in any situation of spontaneous communication, it is important for you to have in mind a set of well-learned clichés on various topics. In this case, you will not think about the composition of each sentence, and all your attention will be focused on the meaning of what you are talking about. That is why, when developing communication skills, the teacher gives the task not only to read and translate dialogues on various topics, but also to memorize them.
Examples of dialogues on various topics
As a rule, dialogues are compiled on certain topics. Usually, dialogues in English for beginners are an acquaintance dialogue, a conversation about the weather (a universal means of keeping up a conversation), a conversation in a cafe, a dialogue in a store, a conversation about plans for the weekend, etc.
In any case, it is important to remember that a dialogue is not just a set of phrases of the “question-answer” type, but also a reaction to the information of the interlocutor, and an emotional component of one degree or another. Therefore, when learning dialogues in English, audio accompaniment plays a very important role. Listening to dialogues, you not only memorize phrases, but also copy the intonation pattern, which has a special great importance specifically in dialogical speech.
Today we will present to your attention the dialogues in English with translation, full versions which you can see. In this case, the dialogues will be accompanied by exercises, detailed vocabulary and grammar explanations.
Dialogue on the topic "acquaintance"
So, any communication begins with an engagement.
Hello, how are you?
fine, thanks. And you?
Great! My name is Lima.
I am Emily. It's nice to meet you.
It's nice to meet you, too.
Are you from New York?
Yes, I am. Where are you from?
I am from here, from Bedford.
Oh great. Can we be friends?
Hi, how are you?
OK, thank you! And you?
Amazing! My name is Lima.
I am Emily. Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you too.
Are you from New York?
Yes. Where are you from?
I'm from here, from Bedford.
ABOUT! Wonderful. Can we be friends?
Certainly.
Dialogue about the weather
As you know, if you need to start a conversation with an unfamiliar person, the topic of weather will be a win-win option. This topic is international, politically correct and universal for any circle. This topic is especially popular among residents of the UK. And this is not surprising, because this country is known for its changeable weather. Therefore, a few phrases about the weather that acquaintances exchange when they meet are often just a form of greeting, and not at all a way to get some information.
Hello, Martin, lovely day, isn't it?
Absolutely wonderful - warm and clear. What's the weather forecast for tomorrow? Do you know?
Yes, it says it will be a bit cloudy in the morning. But the day will be bright and sunny.
How nice. A perfect day for an outing. I promised my family a barbecue, you know.
Great! I hope you'll enjoy it.
Hi Tom
Hi Martin, it's a beautiful day, isn't it?
Absolutely wonderful - warm and clear. What is the forecast for tomorrow? Do not you know?
Yes, I know, they say it will be a little cloudy in the morning. But the day will be clear and sunny.
How good. Great day for a country walk. I promised my family a barbecue, you know.
Great! I hope you will enjoy.
Dialogue in a restaurant
Dialogues in a cafe or restaurant are often used in training materials and phrasebooks. Having learned the basic phrases from such a dialogue, you can apply this knowledge on a trip abroad. In addition, some structures and so-called politeness phrases will be useful to you in other speech situations.
Jerry: Let's go for a walk.
Lima: Have you got any ideas where we can go?
Jerry: Yes, I have. Let's go to the restaurant.
Lima: OK. Let's go.
Waiter: Good evening. What can I do for you? What would you like to order?
Jerry: Have you got mashed potatoes?
Waiter: Yes, we have.
Jerry: Have you got any juice?
Waiter: Apple juice, tomato juice and orange juice.
Jerry: Give us orange juice, please. Have you got any ice cream?
Waiter: Yes, we have vanilla ice-cream, chocolate ice-cream and ice-cream with topping.
Jerry: Give us one vanilla ice-cream and one chocolate ice-cream.
W: Anything else?
Jerry: That's all. thank you.
Jerry: Let's go for a walk.
Do you have any ideas where we can go?
Jerry: Yes. Let's go to a restaurant.
Lima: Ok. Let's go to.
Waiter: Good evening. What can I do for you? What would you like to order?
Jerry: Do you have mashed potatoes?
Waiter: Yes.
Jerry: Do you have any juice?
Waiter: Apple juice, tomato juice and orange juice.
Jerry: Give us orange juice, please. Do you have any ice cream?
Waiter: Yes. We have vanilla ice cream, chocolate ice cream and topped ice cream.
Jerry: Give us one vanilla ice cream and one chocolate ice cream.
Waiter: Anything else?
Jerry: That's all. Thank you.
Dialogue in the shop
Another popular conversation topic is store conversations in English:
Emily: Hey Lima. Let's go shopping.
Lima: Hi, Em. Let's go!
Salesgirl: Good morning! Can I help you?
Emily: Good morning! What is the price of this dress?
Salesgirl: It costs one thousand dollars.
Emily: Oh, it's a very expensive dress.
Lima: Let's go to another store.
Lima: Look at these jeans. I like them.
Salesman: Can I help you?
Lima: Can you tell me what the price of those jeans is?
Salesman: Yes. The jeans cost three hundred dollars.
Lima: Ok, I'll take those jeans and this T-shirt.
How about a nice dress for my friend?
Salesman: This dress is very popular this season.
Emily: Ok, I'll take it. Thank you very much.
Salesman: Welcome.
Emilia: Hi Lima. Let's go shopping.
Lima: Hey Em. Let's go to!
Saleswoman: Good morning! Can I help you?
Emilia Good morning! What is the price of this dress?
Saleswoman: It costs one thousand dollars.
Emilia: Oh, it's a very expensive dress.
Lima: Let's go to another store.
Lima: Look at those jeans. I like them.
Salesperson: Can I help you?
Lima: Can you tell me what the price of those jeans is?
Seller: Yes. Jeans cost three hundred dollars.
Lima: Okay, I'll take those jeans and this T-shirt.
How about a nice dress for my girlfriend?
Seller: This dress is very popular this season.
Emilia: Okay, I'll take it. Thank you very much.
Seller: Please.
Friends Dialogue
Dialogue of friends in English is a very frequent guest in all tutorials. You can discuss a variety of topics - school affairs, family relationships, plans for the future. Such dialogues provide a lot of room for imagination. After all, taking some ready-made audio dialogue in English as a basis, you can always “adjust” it to suit you. And when you talk about your own experiences and emotions, the material is much easier to remember.
Lima: So, have you decided where would you like to go on next holiday?
Emily: I think that I will go to my grandparents as usual. I will help them about the house.
And what about you?
Lima: I think that I will go to the seaside with my friends. Will you go with us?
Emily: What will you do there?
Lima: If the weather is fine, we will swim all the time. And I think we will go to an aqua park and maybe we will visit some excursions.
Emily: Oh great. I think that I will join you.
Lima: Ok, I will call you.
Lima: Well, have you decided where you would like to go next vacation?
Emilia: I think I'll go to my grandparents like always. I will help them around the house. What about you?
Lima: I think I will go to the seaside with my friends. Will you come with us?
Emilia: What will you do there?
Lima: If the weather is good, we will swim all the time. And I think we'll go to the water park and maybe take some tours.
Emilia: Oh great. I think I will join you.
Lima: Okay, I'll call you.
Dialogue in the hotel
We offer you a couple of colloquial phrases on one of the most common topics "in the hotel".
I need the cheapest room in this hotel. How much is it?
We have 2 number. The price is 10 dollars pro night.
It's not cheap. Sorry.
I want the cheapest room in this hotel. How much does it cost?
We have two such numbers. The price is 10 dollars.
It is not cheap. Sorry.
business dialogue
The subject of business stood out in English as a separate subtopic. Today there are many courses of this profile, on online platforms there are special reference materials and whole intensives on this profile. We offer a short conversation about business in English:
good morning! May I talk to Mr. Johns?
good morning! Mr. Johns is busy at the moment. Do you mind leaving the message for him, please?
No, I don "t. It is Mr. Simon. I" m calling to confirm our meeting.
Yes, Mr. Johns asked me to confirm!
Thank you very much for information!
Good morning! May I hear Mr. Jones?
Good morning! Mr Jones is busy this moment. Maybe you can leave him a message?
No thanks. This is Mr Simon. I'm calling to confirm our meeting.
Yes, Mr. Jones asked me to confirm!
Thank you very much for the information!
Effective Ways to Memorize Dialogues
As noted earlier, memorizing dialogues is the key to successful communication in English. The more speech clichés you learn, the easier it will be for you to form your thought in a spontaneous conversation. If you have an interlocutor or you are learning English in a group, learning and telling the dialogue is not a problem. Moreover, usually teachers introduce a creative component into the task - on the basis of a dialogue in study guide compose, learn and tell your version. However, if you are learning English on your own, not having a conversation partner makes things a bit more difficult. But, as you know, hopeless situations do not happen. Listen English dialogues online is the most effective method of memorization. As a rule, repeated listening helps to learn all the necessary phrases, and at the same time reproduce them with the correct intonation.
An online tutorial can just become a kind of lifesaver in such a situation. Texts and dialogues (dialogues in english) on the site are voiced by professional speakers. You can choose for yourself the most comfortable way of memorization - relying only on the sound version, or relying on the English or Russian version of the texts.
Taking a walk in a park a colonel of a rather gloomy disposition saw a lieutenant of his regiment in civilian clothes with a young lady. Having noticed the colonel from a distance, the lieutenant hid himself behind a tree.
The next day the colonel asked:
– Why did I see you yesterday evening in the park in civilian clothes?
– Because the tree was not thick enough, Sir, – answered the lieutenant.
Walking in the park, one stern colonel saw a lieutenant of his regiment in civilian clothes with a young lady. Noticing the colonel from a distance, the lieutenant hid behind a tree.
The next day the colonel asks:
- Why did I see you last night in the park in civilian clothes?
"Because the wood wasn't thick enough, sir," the lieutenant replied.
Student: Brain is like Bermuda triangle – information goes in and then it is never found again.
Student: Brains are like the Bermuda Triangle - information gets into it and is never found again.
Why did you leave your last job?
The company relocated and they didn't tell me where.
Why did you leave your previous job?
The company moved and didn't tell me where.
Once a young man went shopping and bought himself a pair of trousers. When he got home, he went to his bedroom and tried them on. He found they were far too long.
He went downstairs where his mother and his two sisters were waiting for dinner. “The new trousers are too long? – he said. – They need shortening. Would any of you be so kind and do it for me, please?”
As soon as dinner was over and his mother had shortened the trousers to the same size as his old ones. It happened that she did not mention about it to her daughters.
Later on? the elder sister remembered her brother's request. She was a kind-hearted person and wanted to do him a favour, so she considerably shortened the trousers.- Because the tree was not thick enough, Sir, – answered the lieutenant.
Returning home from the cinema, the younger sister suddenly remembered what her brother asked them. So she hurried upstairs and cut a piece off each leg of the new trousers.
One day a young man went shopping and bought himself trousers. When he got home, he went up to his room and tried them on. And he saw that they were too long for him.
Going down to the dining room, where his mother and two sisters were waiting for him for dinner, he said: “My new trousers are too long. They need to be shortened. Won't one of you do it? I'll be very grateful."
As soon as dinner was over, the mother washed the dishes, went to her son's room and shortened his trousers to the length of the worn ones. It so happened that she did not tell her daughters about this.
A little later, the older sister remembered her brother's request. She was a kind-hearted girl who wanted to do a favor to her brother and thoroughly cut her trousers.
After returning from the cinema, the younger sister suddenly remembered her brother's request. She hurried up to his room and cut off a large piece from each leg of the new trousers.
Teacher: I killed a person. Convert this sentence into future tense.
Student: You will go to jail.
Teacher: I killed a man. Change this sentence into the future tense.
Student: You will go to jail.
An energetic American tourist had come to visit the Warwick Castle in England. When the doorkeeper made his appearance, the American was studying his guide-book.
– Tell me, – the American said to the caretaker, – have you that famous vase still here? (shows its photo in the guide-book).
- Yes, sir, - was the reply.
– And the table that costs 10,000 dollars?
- Yes, sir.
– And have you still that portrait of Charles I by Vandyck?
– Oh yes, sir, – said the doorkeeper, – they are all here. Won't you come in and see them?
– No, I won’t, I have no time to lose, – answered the visitor. – As they are here right enough and I have seen them in my guide-book I can go on visiting other castles and museums. Good morning - and he hurried away.
One day, an energetic American tourist came to Warwick Palace in England. When the porter approached him, the American was studying his guidebook.
“Tell me,” the American turned to the gatekeeper, “is this famous vase (shows a photograph of it in the guidebook) still here?”
“Yes, sir,” was the reply.
“And the table that costs ten thousand dollars?”
- Yes, sir.
– Is Van Dyck’s portrait of Charles I still here?
“Oh yes, sir,” said the porter, “they are all here. Will you come and see them?
- No, I won't. I have no time to waste,” replied the visitor. - Since they are all in place and I saw them in my guidebook, I can continue visiting other palaces and museums. Goodbye. And he hastened to leave.
Wife: If a Monster was my husband, I would have been much happier with him than with you…
Man: But marriages are not allowed in the same blood relation!
Wife: If I married a monster, I would be much better off with him than with you...
Husband: but consanguineous marriages are not allowed.
A man placed an advertisement "Wife wanted". The next day he received hundreds of replies, all saying "You can have mine".
The skill of free speech at the beginning of learning any language seems, if not unattainable, then definitely requiring a lot of effort, which often scares off novice polyglots who are not used to hearing their own voice speaking in another language. However, you need to speak English, and at the same time - from the very beginning of the study, and this section will help you get an easy start. Video files with text and audio tracks will help you not only remember how individual phrases are built, but also how they are pronounced.
Dialogues in English are presented in different thematic aspects: in this section there are both elementary questions that students answer at the very beginning of learning the language, and individual situations that will be useful in cases where you are learning a language solely for travel. You can act out the presented situations both alone and in pairs.
Simple dialogues for dating
Everyone who attended English classes at school knows where to start learning it: just with an acquaintance. This is done not only because the teacher needs to get to know the students as soon as possible, but also because information about oneself rarely affects lexical blocks unknown to the beginner. Of course, the need for a complete presentation in the case of communication with the carrier may not appear, however, you will already be able to briefly tell about yourself, listing the most important points of your biography.
For those who study English on their own, it will be very useful, for example, the dialogue? - the interlocutors meet for the first time, ask each other for names. Of course, speech is slowed down and made as clear as possible (in spoken English, it will probably be more difficult), but a beginner can already listen to how to get to know each other and repeat after the video participants.
Other, no less important question- ? - an obligatory part of any acquaintance, especially abroad. Of course, as long as you can't launch into detailed description cultural aspects and traditions of your country, but you can learn how to clarify the nationality of your interlocutor and even the homeland of his accent!
And, of course, how, without observing the rules of politeness - a question, in the life of your interlocutor and his close people? Study these dialogues, and you will not notice how your confidence in your own knowledge foreign language will greatly increase!
Dialogues for individual situations
By stepping outside the classroom (and comfort zone), you can imagine yourself in a more problematic environment than getting to know one person for later communication. Even if you are still at the Beginner level, you can get into a situation in which you need to ask questions, for example: or about the building you need (anything can be put in the place of the Holiday Inn: station, shopping center, hotel). By the way, these dialogues can be modified by adding prepositions of place and direction already known to you: using them regularly will help you remember them faster!
Perhaps the most common question for tourists abroad who are desperately looking for someone to ask for advice is: When this question is asked, it can be said that communication has begun, as the speakers have established the language of conversation.
Of course, when you find yourself in a situation that requires a sufficient level of language proficiency to exchange information (as a rule, this applies to those moments when you come to a restaurant or even a simple store abroad), you have to involve not only the passive use of language through speech patterns, but also active - you have to listen to the interlocutor and understand his answer. However, there are two very important points at work here:
- pre-designed dialogues in English allow us to assume, at least in theory, that they can answer you, and you will be less afraid if you at least roughly understand how to behave;
- it is much easier to start a conversation with a few phrases in reserve, albeit memorized, but absolutely correct both in a grammatical and lexical sense.
The good news is that if your interlocutor sees that you have a language problem, they may start to take care of themselves and use simpler vocabulary, or even sign language. In a word, communication will still take place, even if you fail to understand what exactly they answered you.
Of course, in order to consolidate the material, you need to repeat it not once, but several times, but it’s still not worth sitting over one dialogue endlessly. Over time, you can even think about compiling your own dialogues - let the form remain the same, but the content changes somewhat. This will help you consolidate the studied grammatical constructions and get on the path to self-compilation. colloquial phrases in a foreign language.
Hello my dears.
Let's start today with a question for you. How can you start developing your child's conversational language?
But it's true! After all, at the beginning of his journey lexicon for free talk your baby is at the lowest level - if not to say that he is not at all. And it’s not always possible to talk “not freely” either. So what's the way out? And the way out is this: dialogues for children in English.
Surprisingly, this technique has found a response in the hearts of both many children and their parents. The secret here is simple: you can read or listen to simple dialogues - at first I would even advise mini-dialogues - to disassemble individual words and phrases in them and recite them. Read them with translation, listen to them in audio and learn.
If you are concerned about how to develop your child's English reading skills, I suggest you check it out - it contains step-by-step lessons with pictures and audio. Come and try - you and your child will love it!
Today I will give you some various options, on various topics and varying complexity.
Speech practice for preschool age distinguished by its simplicity and theme. It is easiest for such small children to remember what surrounds them: colors, animals, family, etc. Let's start with the "Greeting" and "Introduction" dialogs. For example:
-Hi.(Hello/Good morning/Good afternoon/Good evening)
-Hi.
-What is your name?
-My name is Maria. And yours?
-My name is Diana.
-Hello . (Hello / Good morning / Good afternoon / Good evening)
-Hello.
-What is your name?
-My name is Maria. And you?
- My name is Diana.
This is the easiest option to start with. You can develop the conversation further, for example, like this:
-How old are you?
-I am five years old. And how old are you?
-I am six years old.
-How old are you?
-I am five years old. And how old are you?
-I am six years old.
-Do you speak English?
-Yes, I do. Do you speak English?
- Yes, I do.
-Do you speak English?
-Yes. A do you speak English?
- Yes.
You can also use this extension:
-Where are you from?
-I am from Moscow. And you?
-I am from London.
-Where are you from?
-I am from Moscow. And you?
-I'm from London.
This is the most elementary thing that you can do with your baby today.
And here are the options, for example, for grade 2 on the topic of family:
-How many family members do you have?
-I have 4 family members. A mother, a father, me and my older sister. And you?
-I have a father, a mother. I do not have any sisters or brothers.
-This is my mother Tanya and this is my father Vadim. My sister is Olya. She goes to school already.
-My mother's name is Alina, my father's name is Nikita.
-How many family members do you have?
-We are a party of four . Mom, dad, me and my older sister. And how many of you?
-I have a mom and a dad. I don't have any sisters or brothers.
- This is my mother Tanya and this is my father Vadim. My sister Olya. She already goes to school.
My mother's name is Alina, my father's name is Nikita.
For grade 3 students, you can combine dialogue and game " I can see something blue…". For example:
-I can see something red...
-It's an apple. It's a towel. It's a shoe.
-I can see something green...
-It's a flower. It's a coat.
-I can see something yellow...
-It's a ball.
-I can see something red...
-This Apple. This is a towel. This is a boot.
-I can see something green...
-This is a flower . This is a coat.
-I can see something yellow...
- It's a ball.
Talking about animals will help you quickly learn the right vocabulary.
-Do you have a pet?
-Yes, I have a rat. His name is Bonnie. Do you have a pet?
-I already have two dogs and a fish.
-What are their names?
-My dogs" names are Dilly and Tisha, and my fish is called Loopy.
-Do you have a pet?
-I have a rat. His name is Bonnie. Do you have a pet?
-I already have two dogs and a fish.
-What are their names?
My dogs' names are Dilly and Tisha, and my fish's name is Loopy.
A good variant of the theme is a hobby. For example:
-Do you like football?
-Yes, I do. My favorite football team is Barcelona. And you?
-I do not. I like basketball and tennis. What about reading?
-I like reading. I read several books per week. And do you like reading?
-I do not. I like watching films. My favorite films are "Harry Potter" and "Star Wars".
-Do you like football?
-Yes. My favorite football team Barcelona. And you?
-I don't. I love basketball and tennis. How about reading?
-I like to read. I read several books a week. Do you like to read?
-Me not. I like watching films . My favorite movies are Harry Potter and Star Wars.
In addition to the previous one, you can add the following:
-How did you spend your summer?
- We went to the sea. The town was beautiful and the sea was very warm. And you?
-I was in the village with my grandparents. We played football with my brother and swam in the lake.
-How did you spend your summer?
- We went to the sea. The city is beautiful and the sea is very warm. And you?
-I was in the village grandma and grandpa. We played football with my brother and swam in the lake.
For grade 5 students who already have a good lexical base, you can connect all these dialogues, and reveal all these topics one by one: greeting, introduction, family, animals, hobbies, etc.
The last thing I want to say, my dears, is that with the help of such mini-talks, your little ones can quickly learn new words, as well as get rid of the fear of talking. I can give you some advice:
- don't try right away embrace something big and complex Take small steps towards your big goal.
- be sure that your child is familiar with all the words when you say something. Words learned by heart, the meaning of which remains unknown, will do absolutely no good..
- combine the use of this method with some kind of game so that the baby naturally memorized vocabulary.
I recommend that all children and their parents take this course from Lingualeo « For the little ones» . This online course - in a playful and very enjoyable way - will captivate your child and make him ask you “I want to play English again”. My daughter still likes it)), although we bought it a decent time ago.
That's all, my dears. I hope that these materials will help you in learning the language. Moreover, you can get even more materials by subscribing to my blog mailing list. Improve your English with my help every day.
You must have heard of the famous "English humor". Slightly specific features, sometimes incomprehensible to us, accompany every joke. But some of them have long been beaten. And in order to be aware, not to look like a person without a sense of humor or a fool, it will be useful to read a few jokes in English with translation.
Everyone should have a sense of humor. There are situations when you cannot do without jokes, and so that the dialogue does not turn into a conflict, it is better to use good joke. Sometimes even laughing at yourself will not be superfluous. The British are sometimes ridiculed because of their sharp humor, because one of the main characteristics is the use of irony, sarcasm. It is their jokes that are often called dry sense of humor, what does sarcasm mean.
What do the British like to laugh at?
Above everything! Starting from themselves, ending with members of the royal family and the government. Yes, sometimes jokes in English are incomprehensible to us, not because of ignorance of words or language, but in terms of their content, exactly what is being ridiculed. It's all about different mentality, upbringing, habits and customs. So some of our jokes may not be “funny” to the English, because everything is built on a play on words. And when translating Russian jokes into English, sometimes they lose their ironic meaning.
Favorite reasons for laughter or irony are the weather and the special way of the country. Having talked with the inhabitants of the UK, you will see that they, like us, love to joke on any topic. Sometimes they don’t even notice that a joke was made, it has already become their way of thinking.
Where can you find English humor?
Everywhere! In person, very often. I would like to give advice. Even if you don't get the joke, it's best to smile or laugh out of courtesy. So you can "establish contact" with your interlocutor. When watching TV shows, movies, listening to radio broadcasts, humorous statements are constantly used. Yes, if you literally translate an English joke, then it turns out to be absurd or completely wrong. funny phrase. And so I want to understand what “he said there, how he attracted attention, how he made amends” and so on. That is why we suggest you look at the list of the most popular english jokes. Understand them, look inside English soul, and thereby make a huge leap forward in learning the language.
An English teacher wrote these words on the whiteboard: "woman without her man isnothing". The teacher then asked the students to punctuate the words correctly.The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing." The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."
The teacher wrote the words on the blackboard: "A woman without her man(s) is nothing" and asked for the correct punctuation marks. The man wrote: "Woman, without her man, nothing." The woman wrote: “Woman! Without her, a man is nothing."
What's the definition of a pessimist? A pessimist is a well-informed optimist.
What is a pessimist? A pessimist is a well-informed optimist.
Charles shouted upstairs to his wife, "Hurry up or we'll be late.""Oh, be quiet," replied his wife. "Haven't I've been telling you for the last hour that I'll be ready in a minute?"
Charles shouted to his wife, “Hurry up! We are going to be late!" "Calm down," the wife replied. “I’ve been telling you for an hour now that I’ll be ready now.”
There was an Scotsman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Wales. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was this kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Scotsman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Englishman had his hand against his face as he had been slapped.
The Englishman was thinking: ‘The Scottish fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missedhim and slapped me instead.’Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The English fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissedthe Scotsman and got slapped for it.'And the Scotsman was thinking: ‘This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'llmake that kissing noise and slap that English b**tard again.
The Scot, the Englishman, and Claudia Slate were in the same car on a train that was traveling through Wales. Suddenly, the train entered the tunnel. Since it was an old type of train, there was no light, and it became completely dark in the car. Then there was the sound of a kiss and a ringing slap. When the train left the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Scot were sitting quietly as if nothing had happened. And the Englishman pressed his hand to his cheek, as if he had received a slap in the face. The Englishman thinks: "The Scotsman must have kissed Claudia, but she missed and slapped me instead." Slate thinks, "The Englishman must have wanted to kiss me, but he kissed the Scot and got slapped." The Scot thinks: “Great. The next time the train is in the tunnel again, I will make the sound of a kiss and again I will hit this English ... "
A man asked for a meal in a restaurant. The waiter brought the food and put it on the table. After amoment, the mancalled the waiter and said:Waiter! Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!""Please don'tspeak so loudly, sir," said the waiter, "or everyone will want one."
A man made an order in a restaurant. The waiter brought food and put it on the table. At that moment, the man shouted, “Waiter! I have a fly in my soup!” To which the waiter replied: “Hush, sir. And everyone wants it."
What is the longest word in the English language? Smiles. Because there is a mile between its first and last letters!
What is the longest word in the English language? ""S miles s. Because there's a mile between the first and last letter.
"George, darling, what is it about me you find so attractive?" Is it my personality?" No. "Is it my figure?" No. Is it my charisma? No. "I give in." "That's it!"
George dear. What do you find most attractive about me? My character? - No. My figure? - No. My charisma? - No. - I give up. — That's it!
- Will you tell me your name?
- Will Knot.
- Why not? (a game English words)
- Will you tell me your name?
- I'll be Not.
- Why not?
— I have good news and bad news, the lawyer defense says to his client.
- "What's the bad news?"
- Your blood matches the DNA found at the murder scene.
— Dammit! cries the client. What's the good news?
— Well," the lawyer says, "Your cholesterol is down to 140.
“I have two news: good and bad,” the lawyer says to the accused.
- What's the bad news?
- DNA analysis showed that it was your blood found at the crime scene.
- Crap! What's the good news?
Your cholesterol has dropped to 140.
An admiral is standing at the Naval Academy in Annapolis when he stops a plebe* walking by.
"Sailor, do you have change for a dollar?"
"Sure, buddy," says the plebe, rooting around his pocket.
"That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again. Do you have change for a dollar?”
"No, sir!"
An admiral stands outside the Naval Academy in Anappolis and stops a passing sailor.
Sailor, will you exchange a dollar?
“Of course, buddy,” said the sailor, reaching into his pocket.
"That's not the way to address an officer!" Come on again. Do you change dollars?
— No, sir.
Have you read jokes in English with translation? Take a couple of notes for yourself, memorize. And then in any appropriate situation, you can demonstrate your sharp mind and sense of humor. But remember that in every joke there is only a fraction of fiction. And everything else is true. Therefore, always look for an ironic meaning, then you will not get into a mess.
