This article provides various methods neutralizing aggression from other people, in particular those who suffer
As a rule, people suffering from alcohol addiction are emotionally unrestrained and easily vulnerable, so they are more prone to stress. Any trifle from the point of view of a healthy person can cause them a strong emotional outburst, and hence a breakdown (to calm down). They are especially intolerant of injustice, boorish and aggressive behavior of others. Only a healthy person has a greater arsenal of self-defense and endurance. But often, due to circumstances, we are unable to escape from an enraged wife or boss. The ability to take a hit can be developed if you know the strategy for communicating with aggressively minded subjects.
In this article, you can get acquainted with different means of neutralizing aggression, but you need to choose only some that suit your nature. If you rape yourself, using a tempting, but unbearable (unsuitable) option for you, there will be no sense in it. Aggressors will be even more angry, and you endure one fiasco after another.
So, here are some techniques for neutralizing aggression.
Refraining from reactions to aggression
1. Ignoring aggression:
- ignore aggression
Give the aggressor time to calm down.
2. Turning on fond memories:
- imagine yourself in the woods, on the beach, or imagine that a miracle happened and you won a million in the lottery, or Russia became the world football champion.
Imagined impacts on the aggressor
1. Mental neutralization of the aggressor:
- turn on mentally a neutralizer like: "I got on the wrong trolleybus", "quarrel with your mother-in-law - you'll get high";
- take three or four deep breaths and say to yourself: “Today I don’t pay attention to trifles, everything about me is like peas against a wall”;
- imagine the aggressor in an absurd situation (for example, naked, in shorts, in a mask and flippers, in the middle of the Gobi desert).
2. Mental punishment for aggression:
- pretend that your heart hurts and you can collapse into a faint;
“After talking to you, I won’t sleep for a whole week…”
3. Mental revenge on the aggressor:
- “What would you have ... (continue yourself, depending on your imagination).
Smoothing out the aggression of the interlocutor
1. Friendly participation:
“Yes, I understand you perfectly…”
“Your job is so stressful…”
“I can't stand that kind of thing either. And I'm embarrassed by such antics ... "
2. Step to reconciliation or "paws up":
- sincere repentance (“I am guilty and deserve reproach”);
- emphasize the commonality of interests in resolving the issue;
- offer to think about what common enemies will say;
3. Reducing the significance of the reason for aggression:
- "If you look, the situation is not so bad ...";
"It's been worse - we'll survive."
4. Appeal to health as a value:
“This is not the time to waste your health on him.”
Fixing the interlocutor on his aggression
1. Soft hold:
- "I'm just as nervous today ...";
- “Today, for some reason, everyone is excited (the weather, or something)”;
- a compliment with reproach (“Sharpness does not suit you - you are an intelligent and well-mannered person”);
2. Hard fix:
"Are you in trouble?"
"You disappoint me..."
3. Prevention of aggression:
“Would you like to go…”
Intelligent response to aggression
1. Pause:
- put on a mask of equanimity (“Let's see what this bastard will throw out yet ...”);
- projection of the aggressor's actions onto oneself (recognition of oneself: "He is as groovy, unrestrained and stupid as I am sometimes");
2. Switching the attention of the aggressor (psychological bandwagon):
- transferring the conversation to another topic or an anecdote on occasion;
- an absurd phrase thrown as if by chance.
And in conclusion: remember that your peace of mind is the greatest value, and peace of mind is the key to a comfortable and interesting life!
All methods of treatment and diagnostics have contraindications. Please don't forget to consult your doctor!
The best way to protect yourself from both psychological and all other types of blow is a special, deeply thought out, clear, internally peaceful and at the same time very protected strategy of behavior when other people do not even want to attack you. But it is impossible to live life without having a single enemy and without receiving a single blow. We all defend our position, and someone may not like it, even if you do not make visible mistakes.
So, you calmly communicate with some person, and nothing portends a storm. However, at some point, an elusive click occurs, and your interlocutor unexpectedly for you comes into a state of aggression and, with his voice, gestures, movements or other means, inflicts a strong psychological blow on you. You feel that you are completely or half knocked out of the game, and you need to continue it. Another scenario is also possible: you are actively arguing, conflicting, attacking, hitting, they hit you in response, but you are not afraid of this, because you have enough strength to parry all the opponent's blows. And suddenly he does something unexpected for you - he breaks through the armor of your defense, and you feel discomfort, weakness, loss of energy, a stupor in your thoughts ... You were hit, but you have no way to crawl into a corner and calmly lick the wound. You need to continue the fight, communication, contact and defend your position, no matter how bad it is. Perhaps you have not yet become ill, for, although the blow was delivered, you partially repelled it.
What methods can you apply in this case?
Impact force rating
To do this, turn on the full power of your intuition and awaken your consciousness as much as possible. Try to turn off the mind that usually thinks like some cautious rationalists - slowly considering options, weighing the consequences, choosing the path of least cost, including verbal pronunciation. Intuitive thinking should be involved - awareness of the body, subconscious and will. The most interesting thing is that our inner intuitive being (provided that we know how to ask correctly) almost always knows the correct answer. If our intuition is currently working poorly and is silent, then we should ask ourselves more often in the most ordinary simple situations - what should we do? An instant question, listening to yourself with full concentration of attention, then catching the answer (in the form of a still vague feeling, a fuzzy image, a barely formed thought-guess) and, finally, an action - something like this can be a training scheme that can be used in in our case - the reflection of the blow.
Listening to yourself, to your inner memory, try to extract this hidden knowledge from your own depth - how to act, the image of the right response - and feel how fast the answer should be, is it possible to gain time and delay it, specially preparing forces for new collisions.
An impenetrable reaction, or concealment of weakness
This rule should not always be applied. Sometimes it is useful for the enemy to see how angry you are and how unpleasant what he did to you (if you are sure that he is an intelligent person, not devoid of nobility, or if you are going to use his "hit" on you in order to respond " run over" many times stronger). However, in any case, you should not show your vulnerability, weakness and dependence on his strength. Try to continue the conversation in the same intonational key, without changing either the volume of the voice, or the nature of the phrases, or the expression of the eyes, or the posture. If possible, be able to never flinch, as if extinguishing the fire of his aggressive blow in the space of your impenetrability and uncertainty. You can, however, take a short pause before you answer him, framing her, however, as a hidden threat, or at least as a force. Let him be afraid.
Impenetrability is good because sometimes it gives you the opportunity to buy time and prepare the most effective response. It is expressed not only in closed poses and facial expressions, sometimes reminiscent of a mask. People from special departments are good at using it, and since they have now come out of the shadows, and every day you can see dozens of them on TV, I see nothing wrong in learning from them elegant professional restraint. The aerobatics of impenetrability - on the external level, to behave as freely as possible. Never show the enemy your weakness and vulnerability, even if the blow really fell on a weak spot. Better dress your weakness in the armor of a confident pose and smile. Remember the words of one of the most vulnerable and therefore suffered people of his time - Sergei Yesenin:
In thunderstorms, in storms, In the coldness of life. With heavy losses And when you are sad To seem smiling and simple - The highest art in the world. ("Black man")
Release from negative energy
If you have just received an energy breakdown or feel that at the moment you will not be able to repel the blow, then get ready to immediately at least partially remove negative energy from your aura. You will do this completely later. Without such a situational instant release from energy poisons, you will not be able to successfully continue communication and fighting with the enemy.
You can remove negative, traumatic energy from the aura: a) with the help of several breaths and exhalations, during which a person mentally focuses on the affected organ, subtle center or part of the body; b) due to muscle tension and subsequent relaxation of that part of the body that most painfully responded to the blow; c) through a mental transfer of the volitional "I" to a de-energized injured area of your consciousness, followed by concentration of attention on it for some time; d) by taking the most comfortable relaxing postures, invisible to the enemy; e) through stimulation of images of positive energy.
In other words, you will have to separate its energy part from the psychological blow. In this case, it will be much easier for you to endure its consequences, to mitigate them.
State of readiness to respond to a blow
Having freed yourself from someone else's negatively charged energy, enter a state of maximum fullness of strength, confidence and self-control. Remember if you had a similar state in the past, and resurrect it in your memory, not only at the level of the mental picture, but at the level of the whole being, including the body. Achieve a feeling of strength and confidence, where you are not held back by images of possible failure or fear of being defeated. Try to feel that you are stronger than your abuser, or at least not weaker than him. The state of power should convince you that you are able to competently respond to the challenge that the abuser throws at you. After this stable self-awareness, you can finally respond.
All the techniques described, which are stages of a single response to a blow (assessment of the force of a blow, reaction of impenetrability, removal of negative energy consequences after a blow, entry into a state of confident strength) can occur in your mind and body almost instantly, in a fraction of a second, and may extend over a longer period of time. The brain is a gigantic complex biocomputer that continuously solves certain problems by analyzing options. When choosing an answer, try to listen to yourself with all your being and ask what you want from this situation: to trample on the enemy or to defend your right to free action? If you want to trample, you must understand that you are getting involved in further communication with an unclear outcome. Try to evaluate all the negative consequences, find the strength in yourself to refuse a fight and move on to the second answer.
Overcoming the wrong attitude that opened us up to strike
Any blow that we received, and most importantly, missed, indicates that at that moment we incorrectly perceived other people, the world around us and ourselves. Deviations from a more correct perception can be directed in any direction - from too much overestimation of oneself to too low self-esteem, but they are almost always associated with an erroneous disarming attitude. A person insists more than necessary on his approach, decision, demands on people and circumstances, and when his expectations are not confirmed, he loses his balance and misses a blow. We too often and unreasonably expect from people good relationship, and when faced with a bad or indifferent attitude, sometimes we even lose our temper. It happens even more often that we are simply immersed in a psychological sleep, because any mocking word, irritation or pressure is perceived by us as an extremely painful effect. In short, we are not ready to meet the blow with dignity and protection, because we are filled with a false premise that convinces us that there will be no attack. Then, when the blow does occur, this false attitude triggers erroneous ego-defensive reactions in us, forcing us to repress unpleasant information or attribute our vices to other people instead of wondering why, in fact, we missed the blow.
Examine carefully your attitudes and expectations in three situations:
When there is already a conflict;
When it is not there, but, most likely, it is about to begin;
When all is well and no collisions are expected.
Try to answer yourself the question: what do you want in each case and how are you most likely to behave? If your pre-setting does not carry the resilient energy of true security, try changing the setting. But for this you need to deeply realize and experience that your attitude is erroneous and that sooner or later it will open you to new blows. Avoiding a false install is not just a smart decision that is easy to implement. There are several elements in an attitude filled with expectation or willingness to act:
Emotional attitude to the situation;
The state of consciousness (in this case it is careless, sleepy, lazy);
Energy tone (as a rule, it is lowered);
Muscular state (either too relaxed or, on the contrary, too tense).
Observe the setup from the point of view of a possible impact and think about how all its elements will change if it does happen. What will happen to your emotions? Will they be further suppressed or will there be an outbreak of aggression followed by oppression? Won't your consciousness go into a completely different state, oscillating from sleep mode to panic mode? Will your energy tone decrease? Will your thoughts become entrenched? But if all this is true, and if a missed blow will increase your suffering in all directions, is it not worth abandoning the erroneous and harmful attitude?
Tune in to a different, more adequate, positive and internally collected attitude towards people, the world and yourself. Incorporate into your consciousness the awareness that all people and situations are different, and therefore you can meet unexpected aggressive resistance in the form of a blow at any moment. Be ready to take it calmly, without unnecessary tension, which would only attract new blows. To be prepared means to have in stock several varieties of an adequate response. Therefore, think and answer the question for yourself: in what forms, words, deeds, actions, your response to a blow will manifest itself. In other words, create several internal images of the correct response to a blow, energize them and put them in the subconscious mind, no longer thinking about the attack and even trying to prevent it, radiating a benevolent attitude towards people and the world. You will extract the image of the correct answer only after the blow or immediately at the moment of its delivery.
Ignoring the attack
Even though you've been hit, you ignore it, defend your argument, and continue the conversation, perhaps even activating it and raising your offensive fervor. By doing this, you make it clear that this does not hurt you in any way and will not piss you off under any circumstances. Ignoring is a strong retaliatory move, but your strength will be real if you do not break under pressure and manage to defend your interests. Ignoring can be done without any fixation of the blow. When you send a signal to the enemy, you do not see him point-blank. As a rule, such ignoring touches the attacker and can force him to retreat.
Evasion as a victory
In a number of cases, a direct collision with the enemy in a psychological conflict, even in the event of your moral victory, will bring you so much trouble and problems that it would be better to avoid the fight. This is not cowardice at all, but a manifestation of prudence, which, of course, can be considered a victory. Is it worth taking on every bazaar trader or incorrigible brawler, even if after long fights you manage to pin them to the wall? Wouldn't it be better to save your strength for a real enemy and think carefully before messing with unworthy people. As one of my acquaintances, a martial artist, well said: “If some foreign car splashes my suit and does not hide, of course, I can stuff the driver’s face, but this will not save the suit, and therefore I will consider myself a winner only if I manage to evade spray." The Eastern parable "He who overcomes without laying hands" speaks of the same thing.
“Once, when Bokuden was sailing with fellow travelers on a large boat on Lake Biwa, a young cocky samurai challenged him to a duel. “What is your school?”, The young fanfaron asked arrogantly. “The school of conquerors without laying hands,” calmly replied Bokuden It was decided to fight on a small island in the middle of the lake, so as not to harm other passengers.When the boat approached the island, the duel lover jumped on the shore first.Then Bokuden took an oar and pushed off from a stone, the boat swam away from the island, where the unlucky fighter remained. "Such is the school of those who conquer without putting their hands on," summed up Bokuden, who did not want to shed the blood of a sucker in vain.
Evasion from a fight, committed consciously and without any fear, on the basis of a sober assessment of the situation, cannot be considered an escape. It is a kind of defense, and its execution requires a certain skill. Consciously avoiding unnecessary conflict should apply several tactics:
Evasion from the oncoming gaze of the attacker;
Spatial distance from the aggressor;
Consciously avoiding any emotions or thoughts about a person who is unpleasant to you, if he does not yet see you, but is about to see you;
Mental surrounding yourself with a shield of invulnerability;
Discharge of a tense situation with the help of humor, jokes, meaningless words that sound complimentary to a potential or real aggressor;
Any form of controlled stupidity, where you either pretend not to notice aggressive attacks against you, or do not understand that you are being attacked, or say something completely different in response.
It is very important on a subtle plane, that is, in thoughts and feelings, not to allow strong energy outbursts against the aggressor, which he is able to feel even with your outward silence. If you nevertheless got hooked on it at the energy level, then the conflict, as a rule, cannot be avoided, and it passes from the latent, latent phase into a real collision. But if you managed, with a purely external neutrality of your behavior - when the enemy, no matter how much he wants, fails to draw you into the conflict, because he simply has nothing to cling to - maintain internal neutrality and distance from the aggressive energy field, then you - winner.
Recognition of deception and anticipation of aggression
Serious behavioral defense necessarily involves the ability to understand the true motives of the people with whom you communicate, especially if they have bad intentions. Recognizing ulterior motives helps prevent a strike because you anticipate its direction and can take action in advance. Thus, recognition can be considered a mental counterattack against the aggressive plans of the enemy, neutralizing them in the bud. Recognition is important at all three levels - both on the psychological, and on the subtle, auric, and spiritual. The last type of recognition is the most difficult. A person who mastered this art was considered a sage. Almost all traditions emphasized the importance of this skill. At the behavioral level, recognition makes a person a "grandmaster of communication", able to foresee well-thought-out intrigues that enemies weave against him, and impulsive outbursts of irritation directed against him, which suddenly appear in the actions and speeches of unrestrained people.
The greatest sages advised people not to run away from life, but to plunge into its midst in order to better understand the laws of being, comprehend the whole abyss of human nature and learn the art of recognizing human faces, especially important if the forces of evil prevail in them. Ramakrishna encouraged his disciples to cultivate calmness, patience and deep discrimination, which is very necessary when dealing with evil people. About this is his parable "The Society of Evil People":
"Ramakrishna: You must love everyone, because God lives in all beings. But it is better for bad people to bow from afar.
Bijoyu (with a smile): Is it true that people blame you for mixing with people who believe in a personal God who has a form?
Ramakrishna: A truly devoted person should have absolute calmness, he should not be disturbed by the opinions of others. Like the blacksmith's anvil, he will endure all insults and all persecution and remain firm in his faith and always the same. Evil people may say many unpleasant things about you and scold you; but if you are thirsty for God, you will endure everything with patience. A person can think of God even among the most evil people. The ancient sages who lived in the forests could meditate on God, surrounded by tigers, bears and others. wild animals. The nature of an evil person is similar to that of a tiger or a bear. They attack the innocent and cause them grief or harm. You must be especially careful when you come into contact with the rich in the first place. A person who has wealth and many servants can easily harm another by speaking to him. Sometimes it may even be necessary to agree on something with his opinion. Second, with a dog. When a dog barks at you, you must not run; talk to her calmly and she will calm down. Thirdly - with a bull. When the bull is chasing you, you can again subdue him with calm words. Fourth - with a drunk person. If you make him angry, he will swear and call you bad names. But, if you speak to him as to a dear relative, he will feel happy and will be extraordinarily kind to you.
When evil people come to me, I am very careful. The character of some of them is similar to that of a snake. They can bite you without knowing it for a minute. It can take a lot of time and understanding for the bite impression to wear off. And it may happen that you want to take revenge on them. Therefore, it is necessary from time to time to be in the company of holy people. Through communication with them, a person establishes a clear understanding and recognition of people ("Proclamation of Ramakrishna").
H. I. Roerich assessed the role of recognition on the spiritual path as the most important quality:
"Many faces are revealed before us, for the recognition of faces is the most important thing. Recognition of people is a touchstone for one who walks the path of great service to humanity. Recognition of reality and people is the first requirement and condition on the path of true discipleship. Thus, at a certain degree of spiritual development, one can occultly see the structure spirit, the people around us and the people approaching us. Without acquiring this quality, it is impossible to count on approaching. For how can one entrust anything to a student who cannot distinguish light from darkness and friend from a traitor? All structures will be destroyed by such ignorance. Of course It is straight-knowledge that helps so much in this recognition.
Recognition and foresight are similar properties. One concerns the confused present, the other concerns the as yet unclear future. In order to correctly apply these properties to repel blows, you need to educate them purposefully and persistently, not counting on what life itself will teach you. I have had to deal with people who lived a long life and possessed exactly that gullible simplicity, which the proverb says is worse than theft. Of course, it is impossible to teach a narrow-minded person the wisdom of life with the help of special exercises: blows and bumps received in everyday battles teach much more effectively. However, for those who are able and want to improve their recognition ability, I would recommend trying the following tips.
1. Make an assumption in your mind that all people have their own interests, which do not always coincide with yours. Many people on a purely external level treat you well, because it costs them nothing, but in the event of a divergence of interests, their attitude changes. They can start a war in which they will use a variety of methods, including deception. If you do not want to get into trouble and constantly walk in the deceived, you must remember this property of human nature and not reveal to people whom you do not know enough, the soul is more than required.
2. Think about which of your friends, acquaintances, colleagues is able to betray you in a critical situation. Imagine this situation and, like an experienced director, try to place everyone in those places and roles that are closest to their nature. Imagine how they will react to the pressure of other people and circumstances, to the inevitable temptations, to the threat of losing things that are important to them. If your presentation is not in their favor, then think about whether you are acting too trustingly and frankly with them now. Keep in mind that getting too close to unreliable people can lead to conflict-related withdrawal, which can put you farther away than you were before you got close.
3. Learn to listen deeply to yourself when meeting people and in any new serious undertakings, determining the nature of the first impression and your own reaction to a person or business. The first impression is a very strong argument in favor of the further choice of a course of action, although it cannot be absolutized. Learn in full wakefulness and clear consciousness to observe your first impression of people, events and actions, gradually transforming vague sparks of intuition into accurate and unmistakable straight-knowledge.
4. Try, while observing the situation, to see it as a whole, as if detached and without emotions, taking into account all possible nuances, causes and consequences. Put yourself in other people's shoes and ask yourself the following questions:
Are they sincere with you or not?
Would you be sincere if you were in their place?
Why do you believe them implicitly if you have hesitations?
5. Take courage when you begin this kind of inner work. It takes a lot of courage to recognize the real deception of people today and the supposed deception of tomorrow. Credulity often comes from a lack of courage. After all, recognition brings not only relief, but also difficulties. Life is complicated, and not everyone who deceives us, we can immediately part. And to live and realize this deception is sometimes even more difficult than to be blind and gullible. However, the master of security will prefer this difficulty to blind gullibility.
6. Learn to recognize deception by external signs. See what a person's eyes radiate, whether they run or not, how often a person looks away, how he gestures. Also observe the correlation of the main idea that the person is trying to substantiate with his emotional state and how the inner content correlates with the outer expression. Is there a disagreement here? When you stop understanding what a person is getting at, ask yourself the question - what is his true interest? This is not about the need to stop believing in people or to introduce a mindset of suspicion. Just being able to see is enough.
7. Analyze your present in terms of the number of life blows received from people and circumstances. Many or few of them, but in any case, they are a natural result of your past deeds and aspirations. Your present is a consequence of your past, and your future is a consequence of your present. Those blows and bumps that will fall on you in the future are earned today. Think about what mistakes today can make your future vulnerable to possible strikes and aggression in order to prepare for them in advance.
Silence
Unlike ignoring, which involves the continuation of a tough dialogue (as if you did not notice that you were attacked), silence is a reaction quite distinct. You were hit, you noticed it perfectly and decided to act in this way. Pursed lips, ending an unpleasant conversation are intended to emphasize that you do not like being attacked, and you do not want to continue such communication. It is only very important what kind of silence you choose - the silence of strength or the silence of weakness. If you think you're strong and your opponent thinks you're silent because you're weak and continues to attack, then you've lost the situation. Therefore, when applying this method, take care of two things: 1) silence should be filled with your strength, unshakable power and a sense of justice; 2) your silence should be supported by some external gestures that testify to your strength and dignity.
In addition to complete silence, partial silence, which can be called restraint, is an effective method of protection. A restrained person, stingy with words, gives them special strength and power, therefore he seems much more protected than a chatty, losing energy and unconvincing in his verbosity. Ancient teachings attached exceptional importance to verbal restraint. Here is a collection of advice given by a Sufi source " Big Book rules of life" Ibn al-Muqafa:
“Do not be greedy for words and stingy with greetings, but do not lavish before any speeches and do not smile right and left, for the first will be attributed to arrogance, and the second to stupidity and frivolity.
It is better to remain silent than to say unsuccessfully, for one word spoken at the right time and at the right place is better than a hundred words that have not reached the goal. A hasty word is often thoughtless and erroneous, even if at first glance it seems successful and eloquent.
Do not boast everywhere of reason and eloquence, keep them in reserve, for showing reason and eloquence where it is not appropriate is a sign of foolishness.
If you want to be revered and loved by both noble people and common people, then, having learning, be like the modesty of the ignorant and, being eloquent, surpass the tongue-tied in silence.
They despise the one who is generous in promises, but poor in their fulfillment, they honor the one whose words do not diverge from deeds.
Know that the tongue is like a drawn sword in the hands of anger, passions and intemperance, which overcome reason and all discretion. Do not give free rein to the tongue, otherwise it will destroy you. Subdue him to reason, and he will become your friend: if passions take possession of him, then he is your worst enemy and the cause of all misfortune.
If you can subjugate your tongue, then it will protect you: if you lose power over it, then it will become your enemy.
This type of protection is universal and can be used in any situation and together with any other method. Irony is a demonstration of the frivolity of the blow and the behavior of the aggressor, devaluing the significance of the blow for the injured party. It, as it were, reduces the size of the image of the one who attacks, turning him into a caricature character. From a bioenergetic point of view, the inclusion of the method of irony in the system of human defensive reactions before an attack means that new energies are called to life and new energy centers are involved, for example, the channel of the mind, intellect. Why does a primitive rude or bully in communication often give in to the smart and tough irony of their potential victim, who refused to be given to a psychological slaughter and successfully parried the blow? Because both the rude man and the fighter achieve results due to the violent pressure of the will and the game without rules, which does not decorate any communication, and does not use the potential of the mind and consciousness at all. Because they are not accustomed to think seriously about anything during calm communication, and even more so in the process of active conflict.
Good irony creates for a person the effect of detachment from the struggle, helps to look at the situation from a position "above the fight", which helps to more freely find arguments in a dispute that reflect pressure, insult and manipulation. A person who defends himself from blows and connects a sharp mind to defense is always more successful than one who acts with one pressure and will.
Strike back
If such a reaction follows, then there is a risk that the conflict has begun to escalate, which means that reconciliation is postponed. We must carefully weigh the situation and answer two questions: a) is it worth it at all to respond with a psychological blow for a blow, and b) if so, how strong should the answer be. It is also important to choose the form of the answer, which can be expressed in words, or maybe without words, in the form of a silent pause; it can be serious, or it can be playful, etc. Moreover, the situation can be so tough that the computer of consciousness must go through the proposed options for a defensive reaction with great speed. But if the decision is made - act in the chosen direction, without changing it, until you are seriously convinced that it is erroneous. It is important to understand what the blow should be, what consequences it will cause. Therefore, when preparing to respond to the blow that was dealt to you, check your motives with such concepts as conscience and justice. Remember that although "good must come with fists," retaliatory blows devoid of conscience come back to you in the form of retribution for mistakes.
It is important to understand what is the right technology for delivering a fair retaliatory strike. Have you ever acted in this way, parrying a blow from the enemy, or you have no idea in your subconscious mind what exactly needs to be done, no image (or, as a Buddhist would say, “imprint of an image”) of your reaction, how this can be do the best? Try to think about whether you have a similar image and experience or not, and in case of its absence, try to create such an image in your mind in advance, then it will be much easier to act. The image should be very bright and holistic, and all doubts about its success are just a hindrance to success. Therefore, it is useful to train yourself in the following way: having quickly created a vivid image of a protective action, immediately release it outward, embodying it in an act. To do this, you need to be able to invest energy in your verbal or silent response, be able to rely on your own body, like a springboard for a jump, turn on intuition and subconsciousness.
Discharge through humor
If irony is a continuation of the struggle by other means, sometimes implying its aggravation, then humor refers to methods that discharge the tense atmosphere of psychological warfare. By uttering a phrase charged with humor, we seem to make it clear to the enemy: instead of a deadly fight with knives, you can move on to a fight with fists, if you don’t end the matter peacefully at all. It is important that your humor is understandable to the opponent, because when your humor is too weak, it is not noticed, and the fight continues, and when it is too importunate, it either turns into a mockery, causing more rage, or looks stupid. Humor as a method of struggle refers to powerful and even subtle means, but in order to use it, you must have the appropriate property, which is called a sense of humor. And of course, learning this property (if it can be learned in principle) is necessary not at the time of the conflict, but much earlier.
Humor is not some special response, but some kind of softening force that can be attached to any of the listed ways of repelling an attack. Most often, humor helps to defuse, but this does not always happen - either an opponent comes across with an atrophied sense of humor and simply does not hear you, or he takes humor for irony and mockery and becomes even more furious, or prefers not to notice your attempts to soften the situation, because he himself is interested in its exacerbation. Then you have no choice but to go back to a very serious fight.
Partial face-saving retreat
Against scrap, including psychological, there is no reception, therefore sometimes there is nothing left but to retreat. Everyone, even the most strong man, is sometimes forced to resort to this, perhaps not very pleasant, but inevitable way of repelling a blow. What if the enemy was much stronger? It is important to be able to take this step beautifully, almost imperceptibly, without bending the lower back and without bowing the head. There can be a lot of specific options for such a retreat - this is partial ignoring the attack or calmly accepting attempts to insult you, and accepting part of the conditions required by your opponent, and maintaining a calm tone in response to shouts, and refusing all your initial demands. The main thing is that you maintain dignity, and the boundaries of concessions are clearly delineated. If you succumb to pressure and yield even more, then the face is lost. When agreeing to this step, try to understand whether your opponent agrees to sit down at the negotiating table or whether his mood is to finish you off. If you feel that this is the case, then think three times whether it is worth using this method. The practice of life shows that it is, in principle, impossible to appease an unbridled aggressor. Your attempts to resolve the conflict peacefully provoke him to demand more and more concessions. In this case, it is necessary to assess the situation: if the forces are far from equal, try not to participate in the collision at all, and if a fight (primarily psychological) cannot be avoided, it is better to offer the maximum possible resistance at the stage of exchanging the first blows. Then, having received a tangible painful push from you, he, perhaps, will reduce the size of his demands.
Persuading the enemy to move to a partnership strategy
In order to effectively implement this method of responding to a blow, one must be able to absorb its traumatic force and in no case allow the appearance of a purely reflex reaction of resentment or irritation. Having beaten off the charge of aggressive energy released against you, and remaining calm, you directly, verbally or indirectly, with all the logic of behavior, are trying to convince the enemy to abandon the ridiculous fight, where there is no winning side, and move on to a normal dialogue. It is very important that your intonation favorably differs from his emotions or aggression with emphasized calmness and poise, then he will also calm down. Try to ensure that he does not bring you out of emotional balance, but you would be able to extinguish his rage with a few calm words, movements and gestures. If he is a person prone to logical reasoning, convince him that it is much more profitable for him to negotiate, as for any person, than to fight. A strategy aimed at agreement, partnership and cooperation is always better than no agreement and complete arbitrariness in desires and actions.
Non-identification with blow and attack
(in yogic, Buddhist and Taoist versions)
This method, common in the Eastern tradition, is aimed at protecting the internal integrity of the individual. For its successful use in a combat situation, it is useful to train this skill in real life. It can be used in three versions - yogic, Buddhist and Taoist.
Let's start with the yogic approach. Get used to thinking that your deepest "I" is not a body, not emotions, not a mind, not an aura, but a completely autonomous formation that cannot be influenced from the outside. The body, emotions and mind, under the gaze of the deep self, turn into shells that can suffer from external attacks and assaults. But the “I” itself (an internal observer, a viewer looking at the world from the depths of the innermost spiritual sphere) is invulnerable, no blows can hurt or damage it. Cultivate this attitude and view of things and events as often as possible, and gradually your sense of "I" will become much stronger and more stable than before. You will not need to protect your "I", because it will cease to be identified with the periphery of existence - bodily sensations, superficial emotions and vain thoughts. "I" will go inside and from the depths will contemplate how the surface shells of the spirit sway under the influence of blows, bend, and then recover again. The main thing is to remember that you are not the body, not the feelings, not the mind, but only "I", and do not turn off the attention of your "I" from the shells during the blows.
Buddhist non-identification is somewhat similar to yogic. However, there is also a significant difference. Buddhists say that the "I" is a fiction, a stream of mental states. Still greater fiction, illusory for perception, strikes and attacks seem to them. Neither the one who attacks, nor the one who is attacked, exists - all this is a stream of energies and rapidly changing psychological states. Illusory are the pain caused by blows for a brief moment - after a while they will pass. Therefore, it is necessary to cultivate in oneself a detached view of all psychological attacks, which are essentially short-term and illusory.
The non-identification practiced in Taoism comes from the concept of Tao, the cosmic void that lies at the foundation of the universe. You just need to constantly remember this and try to be in the flow of Tao - then all the blows and the sensations generated by them will be perceived as illusory bubbles and blackouts inside the vast and bright space of the ocean. They will easily dissolve in the volatile and free element of Tao and will not be able to cause serious suffering.
All three of the Oriental methods listed are powerful anti-attack remedies. If you truly learn to use them, many of the troubles of life will bypass you. However, there are some serious limitations to the fruitful application of this method, which it is useful for you to become familiar with.
First, in order to deal with blows or problems using a yogic, Buddhist or Taoist approach, you must at least to some extent share and accept the systems of yoga, Buddhism or Taoism. Otherwise, it will be pulling out a separate effective technique from the general system, which can give only a partial effect.
Secondly, in order to qualitatively apply this method in real life, you need to control yourself very well and be constantly on the alert, training in non-identification with any life situation, including one that is subjectively pleasant and conducive to bliss, laziness. and relaxation. Then the inner observer and the awakened consciousness become truly independent of any circumstances. In addition, a person who is in a state of constant self-control becomes accustomed to an instant reaction to any attacks, and more easily perceives them as an illusory play of energies and impressions. If a person is prone to spiritual sleep, immobility of consciousness, distraction of attention, then he will not be able to apply this method at all, especially being in a living stream of life and communication. He manages to use this method at best as a means of prevention or, which happens much more often, after receiving traumatic blows and stuffing psychological bumps.
An attempt by an untrained person to use this technique at the moment of a hard exchange of blows can, on the contrary, weaken his natural defenses, since attention will fall out of the context of a specific, current situation, and the person risks missing a strong blow. Therefore, common sense and commensurability are needed in everything.
Left cheek method
Christian forgiveness, expressed in the well-known words about the need to turn the left cheek when a blow is struck on the right, is also a very powerful means of influencing the aggressor. This method can be applied in different options: a) external softening of the position while maintaining a sense of resentment towards the enemy; b) inner forgiveness and outer surrender. Which option will be more effective depends on your taste and on what goals you are pursuing. From my point of view, the main thing is to prevent internal weakness and surrender, after which the enemy simply destroys you as a person. If you feel so strong that you can afford to make a concession on the outer plane, then such an act is a really strong move, which, under certain conditions, can disorganize the behavior of the aggressor. It is important that he feels: you are taking this step not from weakness, but from the consciousness of your strength and generosity.
It is possible to forgive the offender at any stage of the conflict, but the act of forgiveness is most appropriate after the end of "hostilities" - there is no time to do this during the battle. Don't hold a grudge against someone you just got into a "clinch" in the ring of life and who gave you painful blows. Maybe he doesn't know what he's doing. This position will take you to new heights where you will be harder to reach. In addition, you will free your psychoenergetic shell and consciousness from the fluids and influences of your opponent.
Not only Christians, but also masters of martial arts attached great importance to the concept of humility and peacefulness, as the parable called "The Last Exam" says:
"The teacher asked:
If people beat you with sticks and swords, what will you think?
That these people are kind and meek, since they only beat me with sticks and swords, but do not deprive me of my life at all.
But if they finally took your life, what would you think about it?
That these are kind and meek people who, with such little suffering, deliver me from this body full of impurity.
Well, said the teacher, you can live among people. Go."
The ability to say "no" with your whole being
When the purpose of the attack is to force you to do something you don't want, one of the most effective defense methods is to say "no" with your whole being. As a rule, an unprotected person, even if he finds the strength to say “no” in such cases, does it uncertainly, opening up opportunities for a second blow or for new pressure. Therefore, it is important to trace this weak, uncertain beginning in yourself in advance and dissolve it, tuning in to a feeling of monolithic strength and confidence. Try to enter into this image of strength and confidence and mentally scroll through the scene of refusal of pressure several times in your mind. It's even better if you rehearse this scene alone in front of a mirror and out loud. When you rehearse, try to put into action all the resources at your disposal: both the body (posture and decisive gestures), and voice, and mood, and clear consciousness and concentrated will, and elastic aura. Know how to create the impression that behind the energy of your refusal lies an even more powerful potential energy, and do it in such a way that the attacker does not want to repeat his offer.
Disconnecting from the situation
If during communication you are under psychological attack, and at the same time the case does not require you to use any response solutions, active thinking, studying the problem, then you can consciously apply the method of disconnecting from the situation, which people resort to spontaneously. Put an impenetrable mask on your face and, following the edge of your consciousness for an aggressive partner who screams at you or accuses you of mortal sins, mentally exit the situation into any other space, start remembering something, imagine the future or think about some objects and people . The main thing is to stop listening and accepting all the aggressive nonsense coming from your opponent. It should be emphasized that this method is applicable only in cases where the attack is predominantly psychological in nature and carries a weak energy charge (for example, the wife sluggishly, rather ritually, quarrels with her husband). If a strong energy wave of aggression comes at you, then you cannot relax, because this energy can enter you.
Role Defense
Try to understand the role played by the person attacking you. To what extent his aggression is an involuntary outburst of discontent, and to what extent - role-playing game with entering the image. In both cases, the role that you will enter may well act as a shield that repels an attack. If this is a spontaneous outburst of the energy of discontent, then your decisive image can demonstrate to the aggressor such a force that it is better not to mess with. If this is partly a game on his part, then you can play along with the enemy. The only main thing is to find your role for this game, which will neutralize his position to the greatest extent. Think - what is his greatest weakness, what is he most afraid of and what does he give in to? What type of person is capable of outplaying him? Choose such a role, enter it in much the same way as an actor enters a stage character, and imagine that your role is a kind of psychological bulletproof vest that is able to repel any arrows, blows and splashes of obvious and covert aggression. When choosing a role, be consistent and don't go beyond it under the influence of fear and self-doubt. And then this role can express the image of a strong, tough and absolutely protected person. Sometimes the role of a soft and delicate person who flawlessly builds his relationships with other people and is so charming that you don’t want to attack such a person is preferable.
Of course, you should not be limited to any one role for a long period of time. In this case, they can look at you and find a weak spot. A true master of security wields a variety of weapons. If necessary, roles can and should be changed. How large quantity roles a person is able to play in such cases, the more he is protected. It is also important not to identify with your roles, remembering their secondary nature. Roles are shells that you need to be able to change like clothes, remembering that such clothes tend to stick to the body. Therefore, use this tool as an auxiliary, but quite effective for repelling blows.
"Controlled Stupidity"
The term and method that came into the world from the books of the famous Carlos Castaneda, preaching the mystical teachings of Don Juan, are based on the idea that, on the one hand, nothing in this world can be taken seriously internally, and at the same time, many conventions must be observed with a serious look. , ignoring their sheer stupidity. This is how adults communicate with children or, for example, a wise man reacts to the whims of a young woman. A more detailed answer to what controlled stupidity means is given by Don Juan himself to Carlos Castaneda:
Tell me, please, what is it all about - controlled stupidity.
Don Juan laughed out loud and slapped his thigh resoundingly with his cupped palm.
This is what controlled stupidity is all about. he exclaimed with a laugh, and clapped again.
Didn't understand…
I'm glad that after so many years you finally matured and bothered to ask this question. At the same time, if you never did, I wouldn't care. However, I chose joy, as if I really care whether you ask or not. It's like it's the most important thing in the world to me. Understand? This is controlled stupidity.
Then I asked if this meant that he never acts sincerely, and that all his actions are just acting.
My actions are always sincere,” don Juan replied, “yet they are nothing more than an acting game ... Nothing really matters, so a man of knowledge simply chooses some action and performs it. But he does it like it matters. Controlled stupidity causes him to say that his actions are very important and act accordingly. At the same time, he is well aware that none of this matters. So, by ceasing to act, the man of knowledge returns to a state of peace and balance. Whether the action was good or bad, whether it was possible to complete it - he does not care about that. On the other hand, a man of knowledge may do nothing at all. Then he acts as if this detachment matters to him. That's also possible. Because that would be controlled stupidity."
Controlled stupidity can be defined as the wise and sincere acting performed by an experienced, protected person in the everyday theater of life. If any situation requires a person to perform ritual actions, he calmly and with an inner smile performs them, condescendingly treating people who, due to their level of consciousness, seriously require the performance of a ritual. If, to mitigate aggression, it is enough to give in a little, playing along with the opponent, then the protected man will go and for this game.
Try to relax a little and how to enter into new roles, images and styles of behavior. Learn to be both serious and frivolous at the same time. Adapt to situations purely outwardly (the so-called "external assessment", the importance of which the Russian esoteric philosopher P. D. Uspensky spoke about in the world), while at the same time not giving up and not yielding internal positions (that is, without falling into a harmful position of internal assessment of the situation based on the habit of identification).
"Fooling around"
This method also goes back to the practice of Don Juan. It is described by one of the followers of Castaneda, Victor Sanchez, in the book "The Teachings of Don Carlos" and is aimed at increasing the security of precisely those people who care too much about how they look, and therefore get hit just when their expectations are not met. Victor Sanchez writes:
"This type of person likes to constantly draw attention to himself, always appearing as the most feigned, the most agile, the best athlete, the best friend, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the best lover, the one who never loses an argument, and so on. In short the one who does everything well.
The best method of dealing with this compulsion is simply to consciously practice creating the opposite effect.
To eliminate the consciousness of what we are doing, it is necessary to consciously play the role of a fool. For example, a person who is careful and dexterous in his movements becomes clumsy, bumping into things and dropping them. When it comes to an argument, you have to make idiotic arguments in order to look stupid and lose the argument. If we are talking about someone who claims to impress with his appearance, he should make the same appearance as the usual jerk.
Obviously, someone who can play the role of a fool without feeling hurt can himself make a fool of anyone.
Physical distancing
It would seem that this is such a clear and simple method of protection that it is not necessary to talk about it. Any normal man without any special education knows very well that The best way reactions to the screams of the scandalous wife - leaving for another room. However, people often forget about this method and do not fully understand the mechanism of its action.
During the conflict, a negative aura is created, which, on the one hand, repels opponents from each other, and on the other hand, attracts them. Waging a psychological duel, furious people cannot tear themselves away from each other until they have used up the entire supply of psychic energy.
Certain places in the room (in the apartment this is most often the kitchen) are charged with negative energy that provokes conflict. During a scandal, people are often in their usual places and this increases mutual aggression. It is difficult for them to leave their place, not only in a figurative, psychological sense, but also in a direct, spatial one. Therefore, if you want to repel a blow or attack more effectively, try (if it is possible according to the logic of the development of the situation) to move to another place.
Move away from the aggressor (only so that it does not look like a flight) and, once in a different place, check your feelings. Do you feel more relaxed? You can change tactics and start moving around the room, either approaching the aggressor, or moving away from him. At the same time, this demonstrates some indifference to him, which reduces the severity of the blow.
In any case, such an action, in addition to a purely psychological effect, also gives an energetic one: strong auric connections are torn, provoking a scandal, and the enemy loses his usual comfort and sense of security.
I once observed how brilliantly this method was used by a professional director who was attacked by a parent who was dissatisfied with the fact that his son was not accepted into the professional theater, which he had been attending for several years. The director at first listened to the attacks in silence and sitting in one place. Then he stood up, began to move, speak, and gradually turned into a counterattack. His movements, accompanied by a brilliant play of voice, now calmingly soulful, then turning into thunderous peals, completely disarmed the parent, who was in the mood for a serious moral fight. He was silent for a bit and left.
Mental distancing from the aggressor
Any blow is more difficult to transfer from close range. Therefore, people endure the aggression of their loved ones much more painfully than the injections of complete strangers. When Jesus Christ said that "the enemies of a man are his household," he meant this aspect of human life as well. Therefore, often psychological distancing (if it is impossible to leave or leave the room for a while) from the attacker, the temporary transformation of "near" into "far" and even greater distance from the "far" is very effective. This is not a manifestation of indifference, but, on the contrary, a reaction of wise love, because if you leave a wounded and caring victim next to the aggressor, then much more often she again rushes at him and enters a psychological "clinch". Mentally tell yourself several times that for the sake of love and the good of your neighbor, relative or household, during the time of aggression, you completely cease to be interested in his opinion of you. You are moving away from him. You can close your eyes for a few seconds and imagine that you are transported a great distance and, in addition to stopping hearing him, tear your attention and interest from him as a result of communication. Or try to imagine that you are not you, but some other person, unfamiliar to the aggressor, who is not at all interested in listening to his attacks and who is not burdened by family closeness, which sometimes interferes with the manifestation of firmness. So:
1) first you distance yourself from it at the level of mental transfer to a farther distance;
2) then distance yourself from him at the level of emotional distance from his attitude towards you;
3) finally answer him or act towards him, constantly feeling a very large distance between you.
Distancing from self and self-importance
The previous method of protection does not always work, because a person takes himself too seriously. It is very difficult for us to imagine how it is possible to move away from the aggressor and talk to him with calm indifference when he behaves so outrageously towards us, such respected and worthy people. The morbid self-attachment is so strong that we easily become defenseless victims of any attack that calls into question our dignity. Carlos Castaneda calls this property a sense of self-importance and insists on the need to overcome it.
One of the first and best ways to defeat self-importance is to begin to consciously observe yourself from the outside. Stop using the name "I" for an important, pompous, jest-ridden personality being. It is better to call him "he" and understand that while you are merged with him into a single whole, you will not see a happy and protected life like your own ears.
Enter the state of a clear, awake observer and look at "him" or "her" - your important, overly sensitive personality, constantly surrounding itself with artificial fences of false protection - from the side. You can also place your observer in a position of inner height or, on the contrary, depth and look at your personality, either mentally moving away from it upwards, or plunging inside yourself.
Agree with yourself not to call this person "I". Consider that "I" is only the one who observes and controls desires, thoughts and actions. The purpose of this distancing is to stop taking yourself too seriously, then many types of attacks will be taken much easier.
Buying time, or playing on pauses
If the situation is not "fire" and does not require immediate action, try to pause. Fill it with strength, be silent like a strong, self-confident person. During this time, tune in to your inner intuition and ask your higher self what verbal response you should give in response to attacks. Sometimes the silence that occurs during such a pause gives a lot of energy. Buying time for the correct, energized answer, you increase your security.
Enabling Internal Security Resources
Have you always taken hits and been a defenseless sheep? Dig into your memory, and you will certainly remember a number of cases when you successfully put someone in their place, parried blows, easily repelled ridicule and at the same time felt self-confidence, inner strength and energy of security. Recall these incidents again as clearly as you can.
Try to call in your deepest memory the sensations of increased energy and fullness of power that accompanied these cases. Try to sort of sum up these feelings and fill yourself with a feeling of super protection. Achieve a physical sensation of merging together the old images of security with energy that reflects blows. Remember that the hidden resources of security always live inside you, and you can turn to them at any time, calling on their energy to more effectively repel the blow.
Engaging Allies
If you are attacked on a psychological level, and you are used to defending yourself solely on your own, without resorting to anyone's help, then perhaps this increases your sense of self-esteem, but sometimes this is not enough to repel blows.
At a difficult moment, it is useful to attract allies to your side. It can be different people: your friends, relatives, relatives, or, conversely, complete strangers who happened to be nearby.
The ability to win them over to one's side and force them to participate in the conflict, either in the form of direct confrontation with the now common aggressor, or in the form of tacit support, refers to high defensive technologies of behavior.
Allies, even if they just treat you with sympathy, in many ways change the psychological climate of the situation. They strengthen your position and weaken the position of the aggressor. This law applies to everything.
The clearest example is football. Everyone knows that playing at home, where there is a strong support of the fans, always gives an advantage than playing on a foreign field, where local fans are psychologically and energetically fighting against you. Learn to unite your aura with the aura of allies who sympathize with you and repel blows as if on behalf of a new, stronger team of like-minded people.
Deep disinterest
Most often, the attack succeeds when the victim is too interested in being saved, so that the blow is not very strong, so as not to anger the aggressor beyond measure, and, finally, so as not to look ridiculous. Excessive interest in enhanced defense always enslaves at all levels and, on the contrary, makes it easier for effective strikes. Remember your life, hasn't there been anything like this in your personal practice?
Muscular and psychological clamp almost always arises as a result of increased interest in the situation that is beneficial for you. Therefore, try to completely let go not the situation itself (you just don’t need to do this!), but your interest in its course. Beat you in a psychological sense or not, you or your partner will be on the horse of circumstances, whether he achieves his goals or not, you should be completely indifferent.
You can take the necessary actions to protect your interests, while acting diligently, but without obsession with success and victory. Any blows bounce off of a solid armor, a protected aura that is fueled from within by personal disinterest.
Deep relaxation
Sometimes purely psychological blows not only deprive us of balance, but also break through the protective shell at the auric level, because the normal circulation of energy flows, which creates the elasticity of the aura, is blocked by muscular and emotional clamps. When we are too tense, we are more vulnerable than in the normal state. Therefore, try to relax your whole being as deeply as possible - from the muscles to the will and consciousness. This relaxation is useful before a possible blow, when you know that you may soon get into a difficult situation when you are attacked, and also at the moment of aggression, regardless of whether you prefer to remain silent or, conversely, deflect the blow with a word.
Learn to relax instantly, and try to strengthen your shield with new additional energy, which was clamped by tense muscles or suppressed by a psycho-emotional knot, and now, after relaxation, has come to your disposal.
The scheme for repelling a blow with the help of relaxing energy is simple: release all the clamps and as soon as you feel that a new energy of relaxation appears, direct it to the defense targets.
This method seems very complicated, but in fact, with regular short training, it can be applied almost automatically, and it gives a good result.
Order in actions and deeds
Most often, a person receives blows in a collision with other people and other people's interests. Sometimes blows reach the goal after some time, when he is no longer involved in direct action.
In this case, they come as a retribution and the result of previous mistakes of a person. As a rule, a person performs such actions without proper order, chaotically, insufficiently meaningful, which makes him vulnerable. Therefore, try to act and perform actions consciously, introducing the idea of order and meaning into your actions. An ordered activity, consisting of smaller actions and deeds, each of which is a link in an absolutely single, consistent chain.
Such consistency and clarity carries a positive energy that has protective functions.
When you consistently went through different stages of activity, you developed a certain speed of movement along the life road, which gave you this or that degree of security. If for a long time you basically did the right thing and in an orderly manner, then when you find yourself in a situation of shelling and aggression, you will be at least partially protected. You will develop a sense of rightness, which in itself has a powerful protective function.
Verbal defense
In life, we face attacks either in the form of words or in the form of deeds and circumstances. Accordingly, we can defend ourselves on a purely psychological level with both words and deeds, not to mention the connection of powerful positively charged energy to them.
Of course, on the one hand, verbal protection may not be enough, but on the other hand, the word is a weapon. Nikolai Gumilyov wrote in one of his poems: "... And in the Gospel of John it is said that the word is God." True, Scripture speaks of the Word with capital letter, but any word carries an echo of the Word of the Divine.
Does this mean that any insulting word must be answered in a touchingly unctuous tone, using religious vocabulary? Of course not. In each case, special words are required. Sometimes, in order to put the offender in his place, elegant, cultural vocabulary is required, sometimes harsh, rude phrases are needed using those words and expressions that are popular in common speech. And sometimes even more radical language is required.
One of my clients, a candidate of sciences, today engaged in small business and "on duty" constantly dealing with bandits, racketeers and a criminalized environment, admitted to me that he had to break himself and master the Russian swearing in all its diversity, because "this audience is different just doesn't understand the language. Growing up in a professorial family, he deliberately listened to the dialogues of the police and merchants at the clothing market so that his answers looked more believable. After that, things got better for him. True, one small detail: he had high dan in karate, and the power of his words was backed up by physical strength.
But every stick has two ends.
The client, who became a more secure person in this semi-criminal environment, confessed to me that after such a “dive to the bottom”, the positive effect of the exercises on the Chinese qigong system and breathing practices, which he had loved so much and which gave a feeling of purity and subtlety, practically disappeared. in organism.
So, what do you need to do to learn not to go into your pocket for a word every time you are attacked?
First, you need to learn to speak easily, freely and confidently in all cases, without difficulty translating your thoughts and inner feelings into words. In other words, you need to have a well-suspended tongue. Learning such a language is not easy, but still possible. Surely a man never hurts a good education and erudition, which facilitates the competent translation of thoughts into words, however, one should not overestimate the role of education, and the example of a client is a vivid confirmation of this.
In addition, you need to learn the following idea: a successful verbal defense is not just the ability to deliver glib verbose tirades. Rather, it is the ability to concentrate the whole meaning of one's defensive actions in one short, capacious phrase.
If the attack turns in the direction of intellectual balancing act and logically based accusation, then you can enter the path of intellectual evidence and long phrases. But at first, it is worth trying to switch the fight to the mode of exchanging short, precise remarks - this way it is easier to extinguish the beginning scandal. In short, if you apply a literary metaphor, be able to be in your defensive verbal practice both a stylist who loves a long phrase (period) in the spirit of Turgenev, Tolstoy, Bunin and Nabokov, and a master of dialogue in the spirit of Hemingway or any good playwright from Shakespeare and Ostrovsky to Vampilov .
In this sense, the antipodes in terms of the methods of protection used are two bright personalities of our political Olympus, who are very critical of each other - Zhirinovsky and Lebed. Vladimir Volfovich is a master of bright verbosity, with pleasure involving any opponent in the element of his own monologue, where he feels like a fish in water. True, he knows how and loves to conduct a dialogue, but only one where there is time for more or less detailed answers.
He sours in routine work and situations that require a detailed conversation on the merits in the absence of spectators. But his skill lies in the fact that he knows how to color almost any conversation.
Lebed is a master of a short biting phrase that contains a challenge to the interviewer and, as it were, inviting to new questions. Coloring the words with a special intonation and modulations of his famous bass, he knows how to create the feeling that, firstly, he is absolutely calm and not afraid of anything, and secondly, that the interlocutor should not go beyond a certain limit in his words, because the general’s further reaction will be unpredictable.
Not only the words are indicative, but also those psychological programs that stand behind the words of these two politicians and can manifest themselves in their reaction to a possible danger.
I will never forget the TV show in which Zhirinovsky and Lebed simultaneously answered the question of how they would behave in a dark alley, where several male trained figures approach them with a look that does not bode well.
The leader of the Liberal Democratic Party demonstrated his favorite method of blackmail and threats. He said that he would try to pretend that he was a representative of law enforcement agencies, which is confirmed by the relevant documents.
The swan said that he would go towards these people and greet them. And if they did not accept his greetings and began to threaten him, he would declare that he is a general landing troops; after which he would have made his meaningful pause and promised that if this fight was the last for him, then they would remember him well.
Do I need to comment on whose answer was more winning?
True, these are still the words of politicians, which can very often diverge from their deeds, as has repeatedly happened to one and the other.
Despite their declared courage and opposition, one of them always took the side of the ruling regime and never seriously objected to it, while the other, faced with the real power of the Chechen region, after his "greeting" the militants, preferred not to fight (which would be the last specifically for the bandits, and not for the general), but in the name of a successful personal career, to conclude agreements unfavorable for Russia in Khasavyurt. However, this ultimately hurt his career more than it helped.
Secondly, learn to think clearly, trying to understand the meaning of the attack and the situation as a whole, immediately and completely penetrating the depth. Let's remember Napoleon with his words: "Who thinks clearly, expresses clearly", and let's ask ourselves: can we think clearly?
Thirdly, try to be in the flow of the Great Life, to which you need to be consciously connected. if you have Spiritual Teacher, and you belong to some religious or esoteric tradition, seriously believe in it and try to follow it every day, then you don’t need to worry too much - the right words will come at the right time. This is what Christ said: "When you are persecuted..."
Fourth, know how to put the right words in the right, appropriate present moment intonation: passionate, full of a sense of dignity and rightness, or calmly impartial, accurately explaining the essence of the matter and the motives of your behavior, or ironic, putting the offender in his place. To do this, you need to be internally alive, flexible and fluid, like the Chinese Taoists, constantly listening to the ever-changing flow of Tao.
On the other hand, it is sometimes useful to distance oneself from oneself, so as not to freeze in the same emotional register, and choose new, more effective responses to the threats of the environment.
Fifth, it is useful to study the practical experience of people who can be called masters of verbal security. To do this, it is not necessary to enter the faculty of rhetoric or complete expensive courses. We all have a great and completely free opportunity to learn the art of verbal security by looking at the TV screen.
I am convinced that this is one of the few properties of television that justifies the existence of this technical means, which most often plays a destructive role and is called in America "a box for idiots." It is the television that gives us the opportunity to learn from people who are masters of the ability to instantly find the right words when they are attacked in the presence of tens of millions of viewers. These are TV presenters and TV journalists, these are "sharks of the pen" and pop stars who confidently answer the most tricky questions, these are professional politicians and parliamentarians (as you know, the French word "parliament" comes from the word "porter" - to speak).
An intelligent person who wants to increase his security and master modern language defense may well learn from such virtuosos of the word, brilliantly juggling phrases. I like to watch talk shows and many other TV shows from this point of view, it brings me purely aesthetic pleasure.
Let's remember the most vivid dialogues recent years: Nemtsov - Zhirinovsky, Mikhalkov - Zyuganov, Mikhalkov - Kiriyenko, Yavlinsky - Chubais, Govorukhin - Yavlinsky. Let's remember how masterfully the TV journalists Dibrov, Kiselev, Leontiev, Kucher, Nevzorov, Dorenko master the word.
Let's not give a moral assessment to lively rhetoricians who, for the sake of a red word, will not spare their mother and father - it is obvious. But let's think about how useful it is to learn even from those who are not close to us in a spiritual sense or in their political views.
Sixthly, when training in yourself verbal security, remember that the main strength is not in the words themselves, but in their internal filling with special non-verbal energy. Look, feeling, intonation, mood, conveyed in words, often play almost the primary role in relation to the meaning of the statement. No wonder the song affects most people in general much more than just poetry. Let your non-verbal energy radiate such strength and power that the aggressor will think carefully before continuing the attack. How to increase this subtle power behind words and how to bring it into your speech is described in detail in two other chapters of the book, devoted to the topic of increasing the psychoenergetic potential and subtle methods of protection from blows. Learn and persevere!
Seventh, do not forget that the power of words must be backed up by the power of deeds. If there is no well-organized, thoughtful business behind the words, then they resemble fake credit checks, not backed by either a real bank account or real production.
In this sense, it is good to return to illustrative historical examples and look at such a major bison of security, which was Stalin. By the way, it was not by chance that he took this pseudonym for himself, under which he became known to the whole world. The name not only expresses the essence, but also forms it over time. Stalin from the beginning of the century and the era of the Great Patriotic War are in many ways two different people. The former was not taken seriously by many of the brilliant revolutionary demagogues of those years. Before the second, the whole world trembled and the leaders of the largest states pulled themselves into line.
Stalin, as you know, did not have a flamboyant style of behavior. He spoke very simply, clearly, with restraint, without oratorical pathos and rich inflections of his voice. But he managed to develop in himself a special manner of speech and positioned himself in such a way that the interlocutor was forced to catch every word. He can be blamed for anything, but not for throwing words to the wind and making empty promises. His every word, even the most insidious, was backed up by deeds. In this he differed from his political opponents, who spoke much brighter and more beautifully than he did.
We are talking primarily about Trotsky, Bukharin and, to some extent, Zinoviev. They not only spoke brightly, radiated energy, but also did their job. Historians consider the same Trotsky the main creator of the Red Army. Nevertheless, the triad of the power of words, non-verbal energy and a well-thought-out strategy of business turned out to be stronger with Stalin, and he crushed his opponents, who at the early stage of the revolution did not see him as a real threat at all.
Stalin knew how to effectively respond not only at the verbal level, but even through a gesture or movement.
One day, the German ambassador in Moscow, Ribbentrop, when meeting with Stalin, unexpectedly greeted him with the Nazi exclamation: "Heil!" with the throwing out of the right hand. Those present were dumbfounded and froze in anticipation of how the leader would get out of an ambiguous situation. But the confusion of the "leader of the peoples" lasted only a moment: a second later, in response to Ribbentrop's demarche, he ... curtsied. Everyone burst out laughing, and Ribbentrop was embarrassed.
Another case concerned Stalin's reaction to Mekhlis's complaints about the fact that one of the highest ranks of the generals had an extramarital relationship with a woman. Stalin ignored Mekhlis's remarks. But he did not let up and after a while he repeated his question again: "So what are we going to do, Comrade Stalin, with General R.?" "What do we do?" - the secretary general asked again and immediately answered - "We will envy."
Stalin felt confident and protected not only with his subordinates, any of whom he could send to a concentration camp with a word or gesture, but also in relation to the leaders of the Allies in World War II, who were formally equal to him. Here is another curious incident, told by the journalist I. Atamanenko, confirming Stalin's restraint and composure in a situation of psychological blackmail undertaken by Truman and Churchill, who were trying to gain an advantage in negotiations with "Uncle Joe":
“July 21, 1945, on the fourth day of the Potsdam Conference, Truman received a long-awaited three-word telegram from the United States: “The birth went well.” This meant that the period of testing the atomic bomb had been successfully completed and the production of deadly weapons could be put on the conveyor.
The President of the United States was eager to let Stalin know what trump card he now had in his fist. After waiting three days, during which he carefully considered how and what to tell the Generalissimo about the atomic bomb, Truman decided to do this without going into details, but confining himself to remarks of the most general nature.
Churchill, for his part, advised that information about the atomic bomb should be presented in a grotesque form or presented after the story of an anecdote.
At the end of the plenary session, the president and prime minister, smiling broadly, approached the Soviet leader and playfully asked him to listen to the content of their dreams, which they allegedly had seen the night before.
“You know, Mr. Generalissimo,” began Churchill, who was assigned the role of the leader, “tonight I had a dream that I became the ruler of the world ...”
"And I, Mr. Stalin," Truman picked up the theme, "dreamed that I became the ruler of the universe!"
Stalin, sensing a catch, was in no hurry to answer. Having carefully looked the jokers from head to toe (this is how a teacher looks at naughty students), he puffed a couple of times on his invariable pipe and said separately: “Is that so? And I dreamed last night that I did not approve you in the indicated positions!”
Truman realized that the joke had failed, and quickly announced that the United States had created a new weapon of "extraordinary destructive power."
And although the phrase was thrown by Truman in passing, all the participants in the performance - Churchill, the US Secretary of State, Foreign Minister Biris and the American President - closely watched Stalin's reaction.
He shrugged his shoulders and, keeping complete calm, proceeded to his quarters.
The organizers of the failed show came to the conclusion that Stalin simply did not understand the meaning of what was said. Truman was clearly at a loss. He was discouraged that the first attempt at atomic blackmail did not achieve its goal, because in the following days the Soviet delegation and Stalin himself behaved as if nothing had happened.
In fact, returning to his office, Stalin immediately contacted Kurchatov and briefly said: "Immediately speed up our work!"
Let us pay attention to the techniques that Stalin used in this short but very revealing skirmish:
1) he endured a long pause before answering, during which he probably made the interlocutors cringe under his famous piercing gaze;
2) he took the glove of humor and continued the joke, stating that he had a dream too - any other, more serious answer in form would have looked somewhat awkward;
3) declaring that he did not approve the interlocutors in those positions of the rulers of the world that they allegedly dreamed of, he clearly made them understand that he himself is the true ruler of the world;
4) he impenetrably reacted to Truman's words about the creation of powerful weapons, which led the American president, who expected a more interested reaction, into a state of confusion;
5) in the future, he behaved as if nothing had happened, and thereby devalued the information that seemed to Truman such an important trump card for negotiations;
6) in fact, he instantly reacted to Truman's information, giving the order to Kurchatov "immediately speed up the work."
So try to back up your words with deeds, learning from any examples, including the examples of the largest dictators of the 20th century and, of course, imitating them only in the solidity of speech, and not in the evil that they did.
"Cold Therapy"
If the thief of your energy acts with annoying activity, if he constantly complains about fate, problems and illnesses, but at the same time does absolutely nothing to improve own life, then the so-called cold therapy, about which Agni Yoga speaks, will be a very effective means of protecting against such vampirism: “You think correctly about the various effects of human radiation on the environment. a plant, and you can notice the difference in the state of objects and types of destruction of life energy.Like a vampire, a rider sucks a horse, or a hunter a dog, or a gardener a plant.Look for the reason in the radiation of a person.
Observe and write the history of the disease of the spirit. The physical obvious is rooted in long-standing accumulations. I advise you to treat people with sick radiations coldly. Cold treatment will most likely strengthen them. Cold therapy should not be taken as cruelty; for We remind you to sensitively open the door to everyone who knocks" (Signs of Agni Yoga), emphasizing that this method has nothing to do with cruelty and indifference. On the contrary, such an attitude towards people who are sick with vampirism is the highest manifestation of humanity, aimed at awakening Deprived of the habitual illegal artificial inputs of other people's power, energy vampires will be forced to strain their own will in order to obtain energy in a legal way, through spiritual work. completely fruitless, will be unconvincing for him.A cold attitude, firstly, heals the vampire, and secondly, protects the victim, because it helps her to collect her own energy into a single whole.
Psychological affirmations
(positive verbal statements)
If you are in a state of subtle struggle that could not be avoided and at the same time repelling an attack, try using the affirmation method. Come up with a phrase or several different phrases, the pronunciation of which brings you into a state of active mobilization of all internal resources, such as:
"I am absolutely confident and protected." "A powerful energy surrounds me." "I'm not afraid of anyone, I'm fearless." "I am the strongest and most resilient in the world." "The divine energy in me deflects every blow."
Repeat this phrase for several minutes like a spell, soaking its power into every cell of your being. Energize your aura, imbued with faith and a steady feeling that you are protected and nothing will happen to you. Achieve a feeling of confident elastic security, try to find the rhythm of pronouncing the affirmation that is most suitable for you. Try also to combine the recitation of the formula with the breath, inhaling and exhaling the affirmative phrase and passing its energy through you. After that, bring the accumulated strength into your own behavior, actions and deeds. You can repeat it during pressure and strong-willed struggle with the enemy.
Renaming a beat
Sometimes, calling a light and insignificant energy pressure or a clash of wills a blow, we fix this impact in our consciousness, as if we were really attacked so strongly that we were injured. In a word, we take hitting more seriously than we should. Not the last role in this is played by the purely verbal designation of the blow. Revision of the perception of a blow as a serious injury and replacing its image with another, less severe and dangerous one, can be achieved by replacing the definition of a blow with another word. Another name carries a change in the function of the image and, often, the power behind it. Try to mentally call yourself a blow (even if it is quite strong and painful) a touch several times, and you will notice a significant weakening of painful sensations.
"More to the point"
It often happens that the attack takes place in a business atmosphere, but the blow is directed not at your professional qualities, but at your personality. Many people completely in vain succumb to such a "transition to the individual" and begin either to justify themselves or to accuse the other on the principle of "the fool himself." Meanwhile, there is a great way to repel an attack in a calm, firm manner: putting emotions aside, call on the aggressor to speak only on business. It is important not only to periodically repeat the phrase "closer to the point", but to be able to remain calm, able to analyze the essence of the matter and striving primarily for business goals. Enter the image of efficiency, button up your business suit with all the buttons, both literally and figuratively, and try to demonstrate to everyone present evidence of your own devotion to the interests of the cause. You can tell the "critics" that you are not interested in personal assessments made by someone, and offer to discuss the current situation.
Bureaucratic ritual, or formalization of communication
This method is well developed historically in the Russian tradition and to some extent is the logical conclusion of the previous method. If you don't have the ability to directly reject offers or the pressures you're under, if you're being pushed all the time with unnecessary activities and goals, then you can resort to a purely bureaucratic form of defense that's great for saving time. Start talking with a person in an official tone, refer to the opinion of your superiors and to the unshakable orders that are established in your organization, fill out papers for a long time, make the interlocutor sign each of them - in short, formalize communication. Such a method helps to establish a distance between the aggressor and you, reinforcing such forms of communication that either completely exclude open outbursts of irritation on the part of a potential aggressor, or make them obviously unprofitable for him, because what is the point of rebelling against the established order?
When misused, as in the hands of seasoned bureaucrats, the formalization of communication becomes a dangerous weapon. This technique should be used in extreme cases, when you feel your moral rightness, but you do not have enough strength to put the presumptuous boor in his place. Otherwise, it will serve to protect your poorly performing organization or department from justified consumer dissatisfaction. If their claims are justified, it is better to correct the mistakes than to defend the "honor of the uniform" in this way. Nevertheless, the formalization of communication can be used as a "weapon special purpose" in situations where mutual emotional bitterness interferes with the business part of solving the problem.
“Are you afraid that your method will be adopted by bureaucrats of all stripes and finally formalize the country?” a colleague asked me, whom I told that I was going to describe this form of protection as well. "I'm not afraid," I replied, "because they know this method immeasurably better than I do. But it is useful for a sensitive, naive worker of an emotional type who is being unfairly attacked to at least be a little bit in the shoes of a seasoned Russian bureaucrat."
Loneliness, or a halo of inaccessibility
Sometimes, to protect yourself, you just need to keep communication to a minimum or even be alone. The image of a lonely, little-contact person that you demonstrate will automatically reduce the number of people who want to even just communicate with you, not to mention those who want to conflict. It is only important that it be the loneliness of strength, as if not in need of people and very selectively accepting communication with them. To do this, you need to carefully monitor yourself so as not to ask unnecessary questions, not to be the first to make contact, but only to respond to the nuances of a change in attitude towards you.
“I imagine that I am a celebrity, and everyone around me is journalists who are going to interview,” a person who was considered a difficult partner in this team to communicate and negotiate once shared his secrets with me. They were afraid of him and tried not to argue, which he skillfully used. Looking closely at him, I noticed that he only occasionally communicates his emphatically special, "harmful" opinion and goes into the shell of public loneliness. The rest of the time, he manifests himself as a restrained, but at the same time sincere person, speaking little, to the point, but always ready to help with advice if they turn to him. By acting in this way, he has achieved the fact that they practically do not argue with him and carefully hang on his every word, thanks to his reticence and pauses that seem very weighty. The attention that he shows with restraint and business to other people, against the background of this silence, looks like a gift, like a ray of sunshine that appeared from behind the clouds that covered the sky for a long time.
This strategy works well in teams with a tense atmosphere and many conflicting factions, where the best way to survive is to stay away and at the same time be known as a great specialist who will always help if asked about it. Of course, this method is designed for an amateur. For most people, especially those who are emotional by nature, the very prospect of closing their souls like window shutters, and leaving unpleasant contacts into loneliness, looks unattractive.
“Let them beat them, but it’s better with people than sitting at home alone,” one woman admitted to me, who is experiencing difficulties in connection with the ridicule she receives in the company, but because of the fear of being left in four walls, she is ready to endure such treatment.
Demonstration of rage not directed against the aggressor
I couldn't pick up more short name for a method shared with me by a friend. This method works very well in situations of danger.
“When I need to be left alone, I enter into the image that I am so immersed in some kind of feeling that I don’t seem to hear, and I don’t want to hear others,” a man whose appearance left no doubts told me in its strength and security. When I asked what signal he sends to people, the man grinned and said: "Well, for example, I'm starting to talk aloud to myself." To my counter question, if he was not afraid that they would take him for a madman, he replied that "it would be better to be accepted than, for example, to be killed." Then he told me the story of how one evening he noticed a company approaching with a rather aggressive look to a telephone booth where he was talking to a friend. “I don’t know where it came from, but I quickly managed to tell my friend:“ Don’t be surprised, now I need a performance, ”and in a loud voice, furiously began to threaten him with major showdowns. When the company approached, I talked with him for another minute in approximately the same tone, letting them hear how furious I was (moreover, it is interesting that none of them dared to interrupt me, but on the contrary, everyone listened with their mouths open). , and in fifteen minutes we will be at his place, after that he threw down the pipe and asked one of the company to smoke with the words: "Man, give me a cigarette, I'm deadly late." The most interesting thing is that they gave me a cigarette, and, having said thank you, I quickly walked away from this place.
I tried this method and found it to be effective. If you demonstrate a strong emotion directed against an unknown enemy, not every aggressor will dare to disturb your rage. Only the game must be genuine and rarely used.
Overcoming mental trauma
This method is one of the training ones. It is no secret that each of us must have met and clashed with people who were stronger and won, leaving in our deep memory a traumatic feeling of defeat. Every time we encounter something like this in life, this sensation awakens and invades consciousness, blocking the free circulation of psychic energy and preventing the manifestation of confidence in behavior. If we want to be protected, we need to win in ourselves negative image past failure.
Recall in your mind an unfortunate situation from the past in which you suffered a psychological defeat, or imagine the image of a person who passed you on a volitional level. Observe your attitude towards this image. If you notice that until now, remembering him, you are experiencing tension and fear, that is, you are afraid not of the person himself, but of his image, then first of all achieve the dissolution of your negative emotions and the elimination of muscle clamps and blocks. Do this exercise several times. After you can perceive the image that hurts you quite easily and calmly, try to completely erase from memory information about your own weakness, manifested in the past and to some extent continuing in the present. On the cleansed tape of consciousness, make another, completely opposite "record": mentally enter the image of strength, confidence, psycho-energetic power and transfer your renewed consciousness to this situation, imagining that you are successfully coping with it and completing it in a victorious way that you desire . Make a mental "rewriting" of an unsuccessful situation for a successful, victorious one several times. Gradually, the trauma will resolve and give way to a sense of wholeness, confidence and health.
Using the defensive power of the "uniform"
No, I'm not talking about the protective power of a military uniform, which is usually painted (sorry for the pun!) In protective tones, and not about the "defense of the uniform" formula, which means that this or that organization, with fair accusations against it, defends not the truth or the interests of the business, and above all their own reputation. I mean that in many life situations the protective function is performed by the "uniform" itself, that is, the person's belonging to a certain organization. Of course, it must be powerful and ready to defend the interests of its members if they are threatened by other structures or forces. Clan-corporate affiliation gives rise to pride and confidence in a person, sometimes even excessive and unreasonable. This is clearly seen in the example of employees of large corporations and concerns. Yes, and in our history there were many such structures. When a person remembers that he belongs to something like this, his chest expands, and he begins to feel that he is not afraid of any blows.
To feel the protective power of the "uniform", you need to "put it on" and "wear it" for some time, in other words, you will get a job in a good successful organization. An employee in his place should feel that not only does he love the work, but the work in the person of the employer, the team and the whole system loves him. Try to find a job that you both like and succeed. Try to establish deep inner contact with the very system that animates your firm. Tune in to a sense of the importance and necessity of what you are doing. If you learn to be sincere and justified, without unnecessary complacency, to be proud of your organization, team, work and your place in this system, that is, a "uniform", be sure that such a "uniform" will protect a good worker in any situation.
Awareness and competence
The concept of awareness and competence is included in the personal psychological security of a person. One who does not understand either the substance of the issue over which there is a conflict, nor the psychology of the person who strikes, will never become truly protected. Awareness and competence can be broad, relating to the level of education and general awareness of a person about everything that happens in the world, and narrow, related to the specifics of the conflict and attack. How good health a person does not possess, no matter how strong his aura is purely energetically, he will not be able to correctly respond to any sophisticated psychological blow, which involves introducing the victim into a state of mental confusion and demobilization, if he is not competent and informed and even educated. Competence is essentially not a technique, but common property a person that helps in repelling the sometimes very complex and intricate blows of the modern world.
Narrow awareness is closer to what can be called a technique. Before a serious confrontation, ask yourself: did you have time to study the enemy well? Recall everything you know about him, including knowledge of his strengths and weaknesses, as well as information about the nature of the case, because of which the collision occurred. Try to absorb this knowledge into yourself, into your own heart, and rebuild your defense system based on it. Just do not burden your spirit, ready to confront evil, with such an assessment and knowledge of the enemy that will prevent you from meeting a new blow in full force. Information should not be more than a warning. Do not forget about the completeness of information about yourself, which the process of self-observation can bring you. Without the so-called subjective awareness, it is impossible to bring oneself into a state of harmony and balance. If it is supplemented by education or objective information, then you can avoid many unnecessary blows of fate generated by ignorance.
The elastic force of confidence
Find the center of your being. Focus on it and stay in this state until the latent energy of consciousness manifests itself. Mentally connect it with a sense of health, a sense of rightness and will power. As a result, an elastic force of self-confidence should be born in your personality, which is expressed in an inner sense of readiness to immediately respond to any accusation and parry any blow. Set yourself up to bring this power into your every action, word or reaction, especially if you are dealing with an aggressive environment and conflict people. Then try to learn to call it into yourself almost instantly, as soon as the air smells of a possible conflict and a premonition of an attack.
Set a goal to create an elusive but very real halo of elastic, confident strength around you, and you will significantly reduce the number of attacks on yourself. Who wants to attack someone who exudes a powerful force of confidence that can give a sensitive rebuff? Remember all the cases from the past years of your life when you managed to successfully parry blows and put the aggressor in his place. Try to remember the very feeling of elastic force that accompanied these cases and helped you repel the onslaught. After that, recall this feeling that manifested itself in different episodes of your life, summarize it together and attract the energy of memories into your current self-awareness. Filled with an elastic feeling of energy and strength, try to get used to the image of confidence at the level of behavior and actions, and by this you will finally convince yourself that you are a strong confident person who is able to stand up for himself.
Mental manipulation of the image of the aggressor
In cases where the aggressor is well acquainted with you, and you are firmly convinced that you will have to receive sensitive blows from him more than once, you should prepare for them and develop the correct reaction to both aggression and its source. Do not overestimate and, conversely, overestimate the aggressor. If there is such an inadequate assessment on your part, then in any case it will backfire on you. The underestimator misses the blow because he has not built any shields around himself, and he will not have any correct reaction in his subconscious to reflect the blow. He who overestimates the danger internally exaggerates the severity of the blow and creates in himself the wrong images, blocks and clamps, which facilitate the delivery of the blow and its passage through the thin fabric of the human personality. effective method that improves the security of a person is mental work with the image of the aggressor.
Ask yourself the question: in your conflicts with Mr. N, during which you receive sensitive blows, do you continue to underestimate the seriousness of the enemy, or, on the contrary, tend to overestimate him? Analyze the image of the enemy imprinted in your mind and try to understand - does such a representation help to better repel blows or not? If you underestimate the enemy, and in your mind there is no clear image of the danger threatening you, which needs to be repelled in some way, then you must: a) introduce into your mind an idea of the size of the real threat; b) think and choose what type of defensive reaction will best reflect aggression; c) mentally repeat this reaction in your mind as many times as necessary to turn it into an energetically saturated, living, really working image. At a difficult moment, it will be much easier for you to repel a blow - you will simply extract a protective image from your subconscious and give out the necessary reaction based on it. If you overestimate the aggressor, and there is a scary image in your subconscious (it doesn’t even matter if it is confirmed by the truth of life or based on a wrong perception), then you can try to move away from yourself and even reduce the spatial dimensions.
I advised one person who is terribly afraid of his harsh, noisy boss, to mentally reduce her image to microscopic sizes and to do this procedure both during the dressings she arranges, and in anticipation of them, and after, until his attitude towards the boss becomes completely indifferent until the fear passes. He hesitated for a long time - whether to decide on such a step or not, because he depended on her so much internally that he was afraid even mentally to resist her. But when he made up his mind and did this procedure several dozen times, then the fear passed, and in a correct manner, but firmly, he told her everything he thought about her screams and empty nit-picking. A hysteria happened to the boss - in several years of work, her subordinates for the first time so seriously objected to her. After that, he was already going to write a letter of resignation, but after a while a miracle happened: the whole team refused to trust the boss, and she was forced to quit herself!
Remember that it is not enough to create a vivid and accurate image of your defensive actions - you need to charge it well with energy and then confidently release it into the world.
Image protection
If mental defense refers to purely internal methods, and role-playing defense refers to external methods, then defense with the help of an image, which implies the ability of a person to dress correctly and look decent in each specific situation, glides along the very surface. human behavior. However, this type of protection is very important, as it largely determines the perception of a person by other people. As is well known to everyone from the Russian proverb, the meaning of which has become much stronger in our time, which fully deserves the name "Vanity Fair" - "they are greeted by their clothes." If the clothes are bad or in sharp contrast to people's expectations, provocative or inappropriate for the situation, then you may be met with a very aggressive attitude. If you want to achieve your goals in a problematic communication situation (an upcoming conflict, an exam, a difficult explanation, an acquaintance where it is especially important to make a positive impression, contact with a deliberately unfriendly or conflicting person), and your position is not accepted in advance, then you must defend your purely psychological image not only a thoughtful role, but also appropriate clothing. Now there are many manuals and brochures on the issues of creating an external image, where fashion issues are combined with security issues, so I will not retell them. I will confine myself to general advice, perhaps even to well-known readers.
1. If you are going to a place where you have a difficult explanation, then the provocatively bright colors of the clothes will most likely provoke an outburst of negative emotions.
I remember such a case. One person was expelled from the university. In order to recover, he had to go through several instances. The success of passing each instance depended, among other things, on his clothes - as soon as he put on a dark brown suit instead of a bright red sweater at the second stage of elimination, the elimination process was suspended.
Of course, in this and other similar stories, everything should not be reduced to the effect of colors in clothes, but this factor should not be completely discounted either.
2. If you go to a fashionable party, birthday, presentation, then, on the contrary, brighter, more colorful, expensive clothes will better protect you psychologically. I have repeatedly seen how at such events people of a self-confidently impudent type made psychological assaults on people in a "wretched outfit", as one businessman, a lover of nightclubs and high-society companies of businessmen, athletes and rock musicians, where a completely random Human.
3. It is very important to maintain color combinations, if not classic, but at least not annoying. According to classical ideas, the combination of red and green is completely unacceptable, although in modern fashion, especially in its party version, this barrier has already been overcome.
4. It is obvious that open clothing suggests that a person is more open to the attention and negative energy of another person and provokes not only friendly outbursts and expressions of sympathy, but also aggression, familiarity antics, sexual harassment. Accordingly, closed-type clothing (deaf and high collars, jackets fastened with all buttons and zippers, etc.) creates and enhances the feeling of psychological closeness and partially blocks interest, attention and desire to make contact and thereby removes possible psychological attacks from him. On the other hand, many situations require either only "open" or, on the contrary, "closed" clothes, and if a person comes to a good warm and friendly company literally buttoned up, this will cause tension, attract negative emotions to him , negative energy and paradoxically weaken the protection. "Open" clothing in such a situation will perform a protective function to a much greater extent than "closed" clothing.
5. An important role in the image of a person is played by the material from which the clothes are made. The stronger and thicker the fabric, the more the effect of closeness and security is achieved. Camouflage fabric and leather give rise to the pinnacle of the sense of closeness. That is why the guards and the "fraternity" love the skin so much. On the other hand, statistics state that in acute situations of fights, showdowns, police raids, criminal shootings, the majority of victims are among people dressed in camouflage and leather, even if they happened to be nearby by chance. Therefore, think about when, where and what to wear.
6. In addition, try to match your purely psychological image and style of behavior with clothes. There is nothing funnier than a person with the manners of an insecure neurotic, dressed in the style of a tough businessman or security guard. So look for your style, follow the fashion if possible, read fashion magazines and try to understand what clothes give you the most success and confidence. It can be absolutely confidently asserted that clothes that are ridiculous or not suitable for a person not only spoil his image in the eyes of people, but also deform his aura, giving rise to low self-esteem, psychological complexes and causing energy losses.
7. If you have the opportunity, get yourself a stylist who is at least a little versed not only in clothes and hairstyles, but also in the subtle energy mechanisms of the impression made by a person, and in his psychological problems. In short, work on style. Paraphrasing and supplementing the well-known saying (albeit referring to the writer's work): "Style is a person", we can say that style is a person with his own protection.
Psychological tennis
I call this type of defense a sports term, because it involves an instant reaction to any psychological attack of the opponent, whether it be a word, an accusation, a gesture, a look, a movement or an act. Psychological tennis (and I mean table tennis rather than tennis) involves communication at a fast or even ultra-fast pace. Most often this refers to the verbal form of protection. Learn to respond instantly a short phrase. Some people speak so long that their statements resemble extended newspaper articles. Others first briefly state the main ideas and only, if necessary, reveal them in more detail.
Learn to speak in short, concise phrases, putting the most concentrated energy into them, too long an answer washes away the power of persuasiveness from words. Starting to train this skill, try to start by saying anything, even if the meaning of speech is lost, but you keep the speed of pace and a confident look. This method is somewhat similar to the Zen parables, riddles and paradoxes of being, to which you need to respond instantly and extraordinary. The best answer is considered to be such a reaction that is issued by a person instantly and absolutely freely, without much thought. Learn to parry any threats, accusations, claims and ridicule instantly and easily, just like a tennis champion parries an opponent's blow.
Absurdization of the attack
This type of protection is possible in those variants of communication when it occurs in verbal form, and you have time to convince the enemy of the futility of action against you. To do this, you must resort to exaggeration of the arguments or those roles of behavior that you resort to. Try to show artistry and enter into an image that contrasts sharply with the aggressive behavior of the enemy through humor, subtle irony, a play of intonation, or a diametrically opposite position, against which a further attack looks pointless. Sometimes it is necessary to use good logic, with the help of which a person is quickly, clearly and witty explained where his aggression will lead him and what a big price he will have to pay for the escalation of the conflict. Try this technique in different ways until you reach the virtuosity of persuasion with a few phrases.
Defense of honor and dignity
A Russian proverb suggests preserving honor from a young age. The universal spiritual culture considers the loss of honor as the loss of the right to life, because the loss of honor and dignity makes life unbearable. The essence of dignity is in the awareness and experience of one's right to be unique and to treat one's own personality with a sense of self-respect. Dignity is a kind of armor that surrounds the personality. To live life is not to cross a field, and therefore, in the process of communication, this armor constantly receives arrows. Everyone has a choice: to defend honor and dignity or lose them, chasing profit in the broadest sense of the word. The defense of honor and dignity presupposes, first of all, a change in the general position of the individual and his attitude towards himself, and secondly, it is associated with various techniques and methods. If you want others not to offend your honor, you must have this honor. Remember the expression from the officer's charter: "I have the honor!" In order to have honor and radiate dignity, a person must kill a slave in himself - an inner being, for the sake of profit or a good attitude towards himself, going to all sorts of humiliations and deals with conscience. Straighten your shoulders, literally and figuratively, try to see that you, for all your shortcomings, are the only creature in the world who, on this one basis, has the right to self-respect.
Understand, if you are not filled with this impulse from the inside, then where will it come from other people? The respect other people give you is derived from the respect you give yourself. This, of course, is about self-respect, backed up by real deeds, and not about artificial pouting and importance, behind which there is nothing but empty narcissism. If you radiate such a sense of self-importance, not backed by genuine achievements in life, people will quickly figure it out and return this energy impulse back to you with an added weight of ridicule, contempt and hostility. But if you truly respect yourself, and your feeling is backed by good deeds, people will pay you deep respect in return, sometimes giving you advances that are excessive. Therefore, the best means of developing your self-respect is the calm, measured performance of worthy deeds for which you are respected.
Also, seriously think about your image. If you want to be perceived as you would like, make sure that your external reactions do not conflict with your internal mood. Do not fuss, do not make sudden movements, speak significantly, smoothly and weightily, as if saturating your entire being with energy from the muscular pattern to voice modulations.
One of my clients had the opportunity to get a good post, but, unfortunately, for such a post, its appearance was somewhat lightweight. Sharing my client's fears of seeming ridiculous and frivolous, I suggested that he first change his gait: learn to walk more smoothly, slowly, importantly, imagining that he is carrying a jug on his head. The person liked the image. He began to work in this direction in earnest. Six months later, the person was unrecognizable. He admitted to me that he even began to perceive the world in a different way, which is not surprising - the assimilation of a new external manner of behavior changes everything up to the inner sense of self.
The defense of dignity presupposes a combination of security and honor. At first, a person defends his dignity, and then the earned, felt and strengthened dignity protects his personality from encroachments and blows. When people see such an attitude of a person towards themselves, they, as a rule, do not dare to cross the border surrounding him and invade someone else's personal territory.
Another aspect of dignity that needs to be cultivated in oneself, because it is most directly related to the protection of a person, is social aspect. If worthy personal level a person is socially humiliated, the armor of his external confident image breaks through, and he, at best, feels great discomfort. In Russia there has always been a lack of a sense of civic and social dignity, and a significant percentage of the population has always been inclined to bend their heads in front of the authorities and the state. Bringing the situation to extreme humiliation, such people explode at the last moment and arrange a riot, which has already happened more than once in our history. Today, as the country has embarked on a new course that sees a further increase in social inequality, it can be assumed that many people will experience an acute sense of humiliation that drains them. A true sense of dignity necessarily includes social and civic self-respect and the ability to defend one's rights. A truly protected person must be able to demand that the state fulfill its obligations. This also applies to the personal psychological security of an individual in front of a specific official and representative of the state, and the community of people humiliated by blackouts, heat or exorbitant price increases. People must learn to unite in organizations or movements, with the help of which they will bring their demands to power, rigidly and consistently achieving their goals. If the population of our country does not awaken in itself a sense of civic dignity, then it will remain in a state of social humiliation, accompanied by massive stress and psychological depression.
Peace Attack
If you are attacked and you have tried various methods to no avail, try to psychologically stop the enemy in response, while acting by peaceful means. Keeping a level and friendly tone, try to accuse him of the wrong approach to business, errors of vision, prejudice. You can even slightly, in the correct form, hurt his personal well-being, just enough to embarrass him, but do not focus on the accusation, but soften your tone and move on to the merits of the case. Peacefully, but very energetically and assertively, begin to prove the correctness of your point of view. In short, bombard him with peaceful initiatives so that he does not have time to react and becomes embarrassed. Remember that this is not a program of action, but a demonstrative behavior designed to bring down the offensive fervor from your opponent and soften his aggression. By behaving in this way, you paralyze his aggression and confuse him, because your actions do not fit into his expectations.
A peaceful attack is very effective in cases where your opponent is not a super-aggressive person, ready to go to the conflict to the end. Otherwise, he may become furious, either because he sees your relative resistance, which he does not tolerate, or because he interprets the peaceful nature of your actions as weakness.
Changing the battlefield
When the conflict takes on a protracted character and requires your continuous participation and attention, and the result of the collision is likely to be undesirable for you, or in any case not the way you expect it, then it is more expedient to leave the conflict and apply your efforts to some new task. In no case do not lose the energy of response and movement. Just change the object of struggle and gradually shift your attention to a new goal. At every moment a person has an alternative choice and it is important to be able to change the battlefield in a timely manner.
Belief Defense
Before we talk about defending beliefs, we need to make sure that they exist. It often happens that people understand personal taste assessments or selfish interests as beliefs. Beliefs are a system of a person's conscious views on a wide range of issues, permeated with some idea or even a series of ideas that a person believes in because they are dear to him. The defense of beliefs has nothing to do with an empty ambitious argument started for self-affirmation. Beliefs are not a suit that a person can change three times a week. Changing beliefs is a long process, often stretching for years or even decades. The rapid change of convictions, which one sometimes has to observe in the sphere of politics, is evidence of extreme superficiality and opportunism. A serious person cannot radically change his beliefs in a short time without stress, upheaval and breakdowns.
To defend beliefs means to protect oneself, the deep spiritual and psychological basis of one's existence. An alternative to "surrendering" one's beliefs is the death of a person as a person and a spiritual unit. Think seriously, do you have them or does it just seem to you? Maybe what you call the sonorous word "beliefs" is just a set of boastful thoughts that are convenient for your ego, under which no serious ideological base can be brought? But if you do have a belief system that you cherish, and it is extremely painful for you to see how someone shakes them, then, of course, they are worth fighting for. However, before you get involved in the fight, think again - are your beliefs true? Are they imbued with some kind of meaning, light, positive content, or are they the usual kind of blind personal predilections, in real life always directed against the interests of other people? Of course, a person himself cannot absolutely determine how true his views are, this is determined by life itself, however, something also depends on his recognition.
So, if your beliefs are valuable to you and if they are not objectively directed against other people, life, God, then defend them! Defense of beliefs can occur in different forms - both in words and in deeds. Of course, protection by deeds and deeds is preferable. In Orthodoxy there is a wonderful formula: "The truth is not proved, but shown." The apostle Paul said on the same occasion: "Faith without works is dead." But even words imbued with faith turn, if not into deeds, then at least into an important element of deeds, especially if a person is psychologically attacked precisely for his beliefs. So, if you want to seriously defend your beliefs, learn to effectively defend them both in deeds and in words. Deeds and actions should be clear, energetic, successful, professional, that is, those that cause as few claims and penalties as possible from those who are close to you. Try to make your deeds permeated with faith in their meaning and so that they do not diverge from the words with which you justify yourself before the world. If you have stopped believing in what you are doing, ask God to restore your faith, but if this does not happen, stop doing a dead work until you believe again. And if faith never returns, forget about your unsuccessful deeds. Things done without faith, that is, without realizing their necessity and value, are doomed to failure.
Verbal defense of beliefs is a dialogue, an explanation, a dispute, sometimes a conflict that needs to be conducted competently and correctly. There are several principles of such protection: a person must be well versed and understand what he is protecting. Clarity of understanding, generated by incompetence and unprofessionalism, sharply reduces the persuasiveness of what is said and causes a comic effect, exacerbated by the degree of emotionality of a person. Indeed, if such a person defends a thesis and is convinced that he is right, then the more passionately he does it, the more unconvincing his words look for the listeners, because they see the full extent of his misunderstanding. Unfortunately, many people defend such views and ideas, the essence of which they do not fully understand. Try not to be like them.
Defending your beliefs, do it emotionally, passionately, with faith in the correctness of the views that you defend. A person who speaks in such cases with a languid intonation, without a twinkle, with an indifferent detachment, weakens the positive meaning of his arguments. Passionate faith in the correctness of what is said, combined with the logical clarity of arguments, makes any speech convincing and effective.
Avoid imposing your beliefs - it does nothing but the opposite result. Try to influence the mind and the emotional nature of the interlocutor, but do not put pressure on his will. The decision to accept or not to accept your arguments and views must be made independently.
Learn to be creative in your choice of arguments to convince others of the truth of what you say. The defense of beliefs should not be built on the exploitation of one or two arguments.
Don't let those who attack your views do so with too much irony. Make it clear that it’s better to be ironic over you personally, but they don’t touch your beliefs, just as you don’t touch the beliefs of your opponent. In this case, you will be perceived as a fairer and more significant person, for whom it is not her selfish interests that are more important, but the internal system of values.
