What does low indirect aggression mean? Aggression: types, causes, methods of work. Draft definition of the concept of "indirect aggression", presented by the ambassadors of Great Britain and France in the USSR to the People's Commissar for Foreign Affairs of the USSR

Aggression- this is an attack motivated by destructive behavior that contradicts all the norms of human coexistence and harms the objects from the attack, causing moral, physical damage to people, causing psychological discomfort. From the position of psychiatry, aggression in a person is considered a method of psychological protection from a traumatic and unfavorable situation. It can also be a way of psychological relaxation, as well as self-affirmation.

Aggression causes damage not only to an individual, an animal, but also to an inanimate object. Aggressive behavior in humans is considered in cross-section: physical - verbal, direct - indirect, active - passive, benign - malignant.

Causes of aggression

Aggressive behavior in humans can be caused by a variety of reasons.

The main causes of aggression in humans:

- alcohol abuse, as well as drugs that loosen the nervous system, which provokes the development of an aggressive inadequate reaction to minor situations;

- problems of a personal nature, unsettled personal life (lack of a life partner, a feeling of loneliness, intimate problems that cause, and later turn into an aggressive state and manifest itself with every mention of the problem);

- mental trauma received in childhood (neurosis received in childhood due to poor parental relationships);

- strict upbringing provokes in the future the manifestation of aggressiveness towards children;

— passion for viewing quest games and thrillers;

- overwork, refusal to rest.

Aggressive behavior is observed in a number of mental and nervous disorders. This condition is observed in patients with epilepsy, schizophrenia, due to trauma and organic lesions of the brain, meningitis, encephalitis, psychosomatic disorders, neurasthenia, epileptoid psychopathy.

Causes of aggression are subjective factors (customs, revenge, historical memory, extremism, fanaticism of some religious movements, image strong man introduced through the media, and even the psychological personality traits of politicians).

There is a misconception that aggressive behavior is more common in people with mental illness. There is evidence that only 12% of people who committed aggressive acts and were sent for a forensic psychiatric examination revealed mental illness. In half of the cases, aggressive behavior was a manifestation, while the rest showed inadequate aggressive reactions. In fact, in all cases, there is an exaggerated reaction to circumstances.

Observation of adolescents showed that television reinforces the aggressive state through criminal programs, which further enhances the effect. Sociologists, in particular Carolyn Wood Sheriff, refute the popular belief that sports act as an ersatz war without bloodshed. Long-term observations of teenagers in a summer camp have shown that sports competitions not only do not reduce mutual aggressiveness, but only increase it. An interesting fact was discovered on the removal of aggressiveness in adolescents. Joint work in the camp not only united teenagers, but also helped to relieve mutual aggressive tension.

Types of aggression

A. Bass, as well as A. Darki identified the following types of aggression in humans:

- physical, when direct force is used to cause physical and moral damage to the enemy;

- irritation manifests itself in readiness for negative feelings; indirect aggression is characterized by a roundabout way and is directed at another person;

- negativism is an oppositional manner in behavior, marked by passive resistance to active struggle, directed against established laws and customs;

- verbal aggression is expressed in negative feelings through such a form as squealing, screaming, through verbal responses (threats, curses);

Growing up is a difficult stage in the life of every teenager. The child wants independence, but is often afraid of it and is not ready for it. Because of this, a teenager has contradictions in which he is not able to figure it out himself. At such moments, the main thing is not to move away from the children, to show tolerance, not to criticize, to speak only on an equal footing, to try to calm, understand, imbued with the problem.

Adolescent aggression is manifested in the following types:

- hyperactive - a motor-disinhibited teenager who is brought up in a family in an atmosphere of permissiveness, like an "idol". To correct behavior, it is necessary to build a system of restrictions, using game situations with mandatory rules;

- an exhausted and touchy teenager who is characterized by hypersensitivity, irritability, resentment, vulnerability. Behavior correction includes the discharge of mental stress (to beat something, noisy game);

- an oppositional defiant teenager who is rude towards people he knows, parents who are not a role model. A teenager transfers his mood, problems to these people. Behavior modification includes cooperative problem solving;

- an aggressive-fearful teenager who is hostile, suspicious. Correction includes working with fears, modeling a dangerous situation with the child, overcoming it;

- an aggressively insensitive child who is not characterized by emotional responsiveness, sympathy, empathy. Correction includes the stimulation of humane feelings, the development in children of responsibility for their actions.

Aggression of teenagers has the following reasons: learning difficulties, lack of education, features of maturation nervous system, lack of cohesion in the family, lack of closeness between the child and parents, the negative nature of the relationship between sisters and brothers, the style of family leadership. Children from families where discord, alienation, coldness reign are most prone to aggressiveness. Communication with peers and imitation of older students also contributes to the development of this condition.

Some psychologists believe that teenage aggressiveness may be suppressed as childish, but there are nuances. IN childhood the circle of communication is limited only by parents who independently correct aggressive behavior, and in adolescence, the circle of communication becomes wider. This circle expands at the expense of other adolescents with whom the child communicates on an equal footing, which is not at home. Hence the family problems. The company of peers considers him an independent, separate and unique person, where his opinion is taken into account, and at home a teenager is referred to as an unreasonable baby and does not take into account his opinion.

How to respond to aggression? To extinguish aggression, parents need to try to understand their child, to accept his position, if possible, to listen, to help without criticism.

It is important to eliminate aggression from the family, where it is the norm between adults. Even when a child is growing up, parents are role models. For parents of brawlers, the child grows up the same way in the future, even if adults do not explicitly express aggression in front of a teenager. The feeling of aggression occurs on a sensory level. It is possible that a teenager grows quiet and downtrodden, but the consequences of family aggression will be as follows: a cruel aggressive tyrant will grow up. To prevent such an outcome, it is necessary to consult a psychologist to correct aggressive behavior.

Prevention of aggression in adolescents includes: the formation of a certain range of interests, involvement in positive activities (music, reading, sports), involvement in socially recognized activities (sports, labor, artistic, organizational), avoidance of manifestations of force relative to a teenager, discussion of problems together, listening to feelings of children, lack of criticism, reproaches.

Parents must always remain tolerant, loving, gentle, communicate on an equal footing with teenagers and remember that moving away from the child now, it will be very difficult to get closer later.

Aggression in men

Male aggression is strikingly different from female aggression in its attitudes. Men resort mainly to an open form of aggression. They often experience much less anxiety as well as guilt when they are aggressive. Aggression for them is a means to achieve their goals or a peculiar model of behavior.

Most scientists who have studied the social behavior of people have suggested that aggression in men is due to genetic causes. This behavior allowed them to pass on their genes from generation to generation, defeat rivals and find a partner for procreation. Scientists Kenrick, Sadalla, Vershur as a result of research found that women attribute leadership and dominance of men to attractive qualities for themselves.

Increased aggression in men occurs due to social as well as cultural factors, or rather, in the absence of a culture of behavior and the need to demonstrate confidence, strength and independence.

Aggression of women

Women often use psychological implicit aggression, they are worried about what kind of rebuff they can be given by the victim. Women resort to aggression during outbursts of anger, to relieve mental and nervous tension. Women, being social creatures, have emotional sensitivity, friendliness and empathy, and their aggressive behavior is not as pronounced as men's.

Aggression in older women confounds loving relatives. Often this type of disorder is classified as a sign if there are no obvious reasons for such behavior. Attacks of aggression in women are characterized by a change in character, an increase in negative traits.

Aggression in women is often provoked by the following factors:

- congenital hormonal deficiency caused by pathology early development which leads to disorder mental activity;

- emotional negative experience childhood (sexual violence, abuse), victimization of intra-family aggression, as well as a pronounced role of the victim (husband);

- hostile relations with the mother, childhood mental trauma.

Aggression in the elderly

The most common disorder in the elderly is aggression. The reason is the narrowing of the circle of perception, as well as a false interpretation of the events of an elderly person, who is gradually losing touch with society. This is caused by a decrease in memory for ongoing events. For example, stolen items or missing money. Such situations cause problems in intra-family relationships. It is very difficult to convey to an elderly person with memory impairment that there will be a loss, because it was put in another place.

Aggression in the elderly is manifested in emotional disorders - grumpiness, irritability, protest reactions to everything new, a tendency to conflicts, groundless insults and accusations.

The state of aggression is often due to atrophic processes, vascular diseases of the brain (). These changes often go unnoticed by relatives and others, being written off as a "bad character." A competent assessment of the condition and the correct selection of therapy can achieve good results in establishing peace in the family.

Husband's aggression

Family disagreements and strong aggression of the husband are the most discussed topics at consultations with psychologists. Conflicts, disagreements that provoke mutual aggression among spouses are as follows:

- inconsistent, unfair division of labor in the family;

- different understanding of rights, as well as responsibilities;

- insufficient contribution of one of the family members to domestic work;

— chronic dissatisfaction of needs;

- shortcomings, defects in education, mismatches of mental worlds.

All family conflicts arise for the following reasons:

- dissatisfaction with the intimate need of one of the spouses;

- dissatisfaction with the need for the significance and value of one's "I" (violation of self-esteem, neglect, as well as disrespectful attitude, insults, insults, incessant criticism);

- dissatisfaction in positive emotions (lack of tenderness, affection, care, understanding, attention, psychological alienation of spouses);

- addiction to gambling, alcohol of one of the spouses, as well as hobbies leading to unreasonable waste of money;

- financial disagreements of the spouses (issues of family maintenance, mutual budget, contribution of each to material support);

- dissatisfaction with the need for mutual support, mutual assistance, the need for cooperation and cooperation associated with the division of labor, housekeeping, childcare;

- dissatisfaction with the needs and interests in leisure and recreation.

As you can see, there are many reasons for the conflict, and each family can highlight their own pain points from this list.

Sociological studies have found that men are most sensitive to material and everyday problems and difficulties of adaptation at the beginning family life. If a husband has male problems, then often the whole family suffers from this, but the wife gets the most. Feeling his powerlessness, the man is looking for the culprit, and in this case it turns out to be a woman. The accusations are based on the fact that the wife no longer excites as before, she recovered, she stopped taking care of herself.

The husband's aggression is expressed in petty nit-picking, diktat, provocations, family quarrels. Often this is a consequence of dissatisfaction, as well as self-doubt.

The reason for the husband's aggression lies in his complexes, and in no case are the wife's shortcomings and behavior to blame. After analyzing the form of manifestation of the husband's aggression, it can be found that it can be verbal, in which there is a demonstration of negative emotions (insults, rudeness). This behavior is typical of domestic tyrants.

The husband's aggression can be indirect and expressed in sarcastic remarks, offensive jokes, jokes, pettiness. Lies, threats and refusal to help are also an expression of indirect aggression. False and evading husbands from any business with the help of tantrums, threats get their way. Such behavior is characteristic of despots, psychopaths, fighters, tormentors. Men with personality disorders are very difficult, both for communication and for family life. Some husbands show cruelty (physical and moral).

Most women are trying to improve relations with the aggressor husband, but all attempts to improve relationships and the desire to learn to understand the aggressor, as well as to become happier with him, come to a standstill.

The main mistakes made by a woman with an aggressor husband:

- often shares her fears, hopes, counting on understanding, giving her husband the opportunity to make sure once again that she is weak, defenseless;

- constantly share with the aggressor their plans, interests, giving once again the opportunity to her husband to criticize and condemn her;

- often the wife-victim tries to find common topics for conversation, and in response she receives silence, coldness;

- a woman mistakenly believes that the aggressor will rejoice in her success in life.

These paradoxes testify that all a woman's aspirations for internal growth and improvement of relationships with her aggressor husband only worsen the situation. Interesting fact that the aggressor, scolding the woman, describes exactly himself in the accusations that he ascribes to her.

Fight against aggression

What to do when you feel aggression on yourself? You should not put up with the tyranny of your spouse, because you are doing great damage to yourself and your self-esteem. You do not have to endure attacks, bad temper, on the idea of ​​a stranger. You are an independent person with the same rights as your husband. You have the right to emotional peace, rest, respect for yourself.

How to treat aggression?

For the aggressor himself, it is important to realize the reason that prompted him to such behavior. If you persuade your husband to consult a psychologist, you will receive recommendations from a specialist in eliminating aggression from your life. However, if the husband’s personality anomaly is pronounced, that further cohabitation is unbearable, then a divorce would be the best option. Husbands of the tyrant category do not understand in a good way, so you should not indulge them. The more you give in to them, the more arrogantly they behave.

Why is it necessary to fight aggression? Because nothing passes without a trace, and every painful injection causes certain damage to the female psyche, even if a woman finds excuses for her tyrant, forgives and forgets the offense. After some time, the husband will again find a reason to offend his wife. A woman will try to keep the peace at any cost.

Constant insults, as well as humiliation, negatively affect women's self-esteem, and, in the end, a woman begins to admit that she does not know how much, does not know. Thus, he develops an inferiority complex.

An adequate normal man should help a woman, support her in everything, and not constantly humiliate and poke her nose into flaws. Constant nit-picking, reproaches, will affect the general tone and mood, violate women's peace of mind, which will have to be restored with the help of specialists.

Good afternoon Child (son) 1 year 10 months shows aggression, endless tantrums with or without cause. If we are in a company with children, then they bite everyone, pushes, hugs them with such force that they almost choke them, and take away all the toys. It is impossible to react to a word with hysteria, lies on the floor and yells freaking out. I try to calm him down and explain that this is not possible, and he starts to beat and bite me. Yes, even sometimes he just lies down next to me and starts kicking me. From the family, except for me, no one else offends. I don't know how to deal with him...

• Good afternoon, Anastasia. The development of children from 1 to 2 years of age is complicated by a number of crises associated with growing up. The child at this phase of development begins to feel himself as an individual separate from the mother and to know himself, to look for his own "I". Each new children's accomplishment is a kind of leap. Often, in individual children, such mini-crises provoke so-called disruptions in behavior. For example, some children begin to act up or their sleep is disturbed.
  Most psychologists are convinced that the only period in which tantrums are acceptable is the one-year-old age of the little one. Because he lacks vocabulary to explain his desires and behavior, as well as tantrums are his usual way of behaving. He simply doesn't know any other way. A couple of months ago, he only had to whimper, and his parents immediately ran to him, calmed him down, comforted him, fulfilled his desires. And today, although he has matured a little, he still does not know another way to attract attention. You need to understand that the little one himself will not be able to cope with the hysteria, he simply will not be able to calm down on his own, so you should pick up the child and hug him. And screaming, slapping on the pope, swearing is wrong and harmful for the further development of the child.

Good afternoon.
I have auto aggression. I know for sure because I have been suffering from this for a long time. I have a five-year-old son and I try to restrain myself ... I try very hard .... however, sometimes I can’t resist and the son hears .. and from another room comes and asks “mom, why are you beating yourself?” ... something must be done about it ...
Can there be any drug without a prescription to drink a course?
I don’t want to go to specialists - I’m afraid that they will lock me up in a psychiatric hospital, and my son will be taken away. With a long period of restraint, it’s 7-10 days, then all the same, a breakdown .... and PMS has nothing to do with it.
Thank you

• Hello Tatiana. We recommend that you contact a private specialist for your problem. A paid clinic provides anonymity, a psychiatrist will help you understand yourself and your personality problems.
  Understanding why you are harming yourself is the first step on the road to recovery. If you identify the reason why you physically harm yourself, you can find new ways to cope with your feelings, which in turn will reduce the desire to harm yourself.

  • thanks for the answer!
    Do I need a psychiatrist or psychologist or neurologist?

    • Tatyana, in your case, a psychotherapist is the best option.

Good afternoon. I probably will not be original in my problem, but I would like to hear an assessment and advice regarding my specific situation.
Married for over 20 years. Relations with her husband have developed well, except for outbursts of anger that occur regularly, with a frequency of once every few months. It always follows the same pattern. It starts with his irritability, which manifests itself from several days to a week. It is he who accumulates anger, so I think. Moreover, he is annoyed at any word, but it is clear that he is trying to restrain himself. Then there comes a moment when this any word becomes the starting point for his scandal. Here is the last case in particular. We live outside the city. Came from the city, brought the child from school. Saturday. He is sitting preparing dinner. He loves to cook. He does it with pleasure. Let the dogs out of the cages. We have 5 Central Asian Shepherd Dogs. The neighbor arrived. They ran to the fence and barked at the neighbor. I'm nervous. I say that you can not let everyone into the yard at once. God forbid what happens. The husband says that he will drive them soon. And if I need it, I can do it myself. I say that I can’t myself, because I’m sick (chondrosis broke, it hurts to turn around), and it started. A potato flew into the wall, and the accusations that I sent food ruined everything, you bastard and last man all over the world. I turned around, told my son to start the car, and went to herd the dogs myself. She took two, took the third on a leash, my husband came out and began to shout that I was taking this dog to the wrong place. I got behind the wheel and asked for the gate remote control. He said there was no remote control. Even though it's in his pocket. I turned around and left through the assignment gate.
I never raised my voice. The only thing I said is that I don't see it as my fault. In the evening I wrote to him that he hurt me and offended me. But there is no evil against him. He didn't answer.
Then our next scenario begins. Now we won't talk to each other for a long time. He seriously believes that he is absolutely right. End up needing to speak at work. (we work together in our organization).
Then again, dear, beloved, the sun until the next time. Please tell me if there is a behavior model to avoid these aggressive outbursts. Sometimes I fear for the lives of my children and my own. Because when he is furious, everything flies with such force that it becomes scary.

• Hello Olga. Your problem is understandable. We recommend that you change your attitude to the husband’s periodic aggressive outbursts - stop being offended, experience psychological discomfort and prove anything. No matter how hard you try, they will still repeat. It does not depend on your behavior or the behavior of children.
  “In the evening I wrote to him that he hurts me and offends me. But there is no evil against him. He didn't answer." - It makes no sense to explain anything to her husband either. His aggression is a psychological release. Try to anticipate the state of your husband and not support the conflict in any way.

My husband has bouts of aggression, mainly if I am not happy that he drinks at work or on vacation with the same company of employees. They drink, in my opinion, often, only 10-15 people have birthdays, not to mention holidays. My husband is 53 years old, hypertension, he constantly takes pills to reduce pressure. I don't think alcohol contributes to his health and longevity, and of course I say that I don't like it. He quit smoking 5 years ago, before that he smoked all the time. Now I constantly reproach this during quarrels. It seems strange to me, I say that if he only did this for me, and now this is his “trump card” argument in our dialogues, then why such sacrifices, I don’t need them. He says that I control him, that almost everyone laughs at him ... And what is the strength of a man - I want to smoke, drink - my business - you sit shut up, or what? I'm not talking about the fact that there are people who never drink of their own free will, do not drink in companies, while attending corporate holidays, and in general the soul of the company (I had such an employee). I don’t see any heroism here, a person does it of his own free will. Today we were at another corporate party, the day of the company, I Lately I don’t talk on the topic, I drank or didn’t drink, it’s good for you after that, it’s bad .... I arrived, I said that I called at least once a day, just like that, said hello, how are you ... I didn’t even say anything else, and I wasn’t going to, in general ... that I’m already for him ... that he doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, and I’m arranging for him here, I almost knocked out the interior doors. I was frightened that he would beat me now, and he flew out, slamming the front door to who knows where ... I have no one to turn to, my parents are no longer alive, there are no brothers, sisters, cousins ​​are far away, they have families, children, grandchildren, but is it possible for a friend tell me. I don’t understand what I’m guilty of, what is there to hear a kind word from the person with whom you live, one a day, isn’t it normal? I'm trying to adequately assess the situation, to understand. If a man considers himself henpecked, just because he considers his wife's opinion, or calls her once a day, in my opinion this is not normal. Now I seem to have to be on the alert all the time, choose my words, and what if I shake his self-esteem again ... This is not life - in constant tension, and the expectation that he will be “offended” again. At the same time, oddly enough, my husband is the breadwinner in the family, the head of the enterprise, I also earn money, but less, it seems normal. What is wrong and what should I do?

• Hello Tasha.
  “I arrived, I said that I called at least once a day, just like that, said hello, how are you ... I didn’t even say anything more”
  With these words, you unconsciously tried to make him feel guilty and they served as a trigger for his aggression. The husband may have already arrived in a bad mood or subconsciously always ready for the next claims, and these words were enough to throw out aggression at you.
  “I don’t understand what I’m guilty of, what is there to hear a kind word from the person with whom you live, one a day, isn’t it normal?” - Of course you're right. But forcing a man to express his attention to you in this way is also wrong. You yourself can show attention, care towards your husband, speak affectionate words and say, if possible, when he will be in good mood that you miss him and barely restrain yourself from calling him when he is at work. During the conversation, monitor the reaction of the spouse so as not to aggravate the situation and switch the conversation to another topic in time.
  “Now I seem to have to be on the alert all the time, to choose words, and what if I shake his self-esteem again ... This is not life - in constant tension, and the expectation that he will be “offended” again. Unfortunately, this happens very often. After all, men are very proud, vulnerable and touchy. A pledge happy life in marriage is the ability to shut up in time.

Hello! In our family, to our great regret, the following situation has developed ... I have an older brother (I am 25, my brother is 35). My first memories of the manifestation of his aggression are that he fought with the middle brother (he is now 33), but at that time I was still very young and it seemed to me that this pleasure brings him to hurt his own brother. When I was about six years old, I remember how my brother hit my mother for the first time, he was catching up with her to hit, and was talking some kind of nonsense. At that time, he played and sang at weddings, and of course, he tried alcohol for the first time. When I was at school, I heard quarrels between my parents and my drunken brother, they sent me to another room and closed me just in case, you never know ... And this “you never know” happened periodically, my brother got into a fight with a sick father and mother ... By the way - parents never! they didn’t fight, they quarreled occasionally, like all normal people, but dad or mom never allowed themselves too much.
Over the years, everything became even worse ... The brother allowed to dissolve his hands in relation to mom, dad, brother, wife ... Father became weaker over the years, his illness mowed down very much, but this did not stop his brother. Thanks to one of these blows, the middle brother developed a hematoma in the abdominal cavity, which developed into a tumor, and he almost died. I know of a time when he almost drowned his wife in the bathtub. They have a sick child with a brain tumor.
Of course, I can tell many more stories, but... He often drinks with friends, for them he is the soul of the company, always cheerful, can make anyone laugh. At the same time, one cannot call him an alcoholic, since he conscientiously runs his own business and works hard. In a state of intoxication, it can start up with a half turn, it is enough to look at it “wrongly”. He shows aggression only on his own people!!! When you try to talk to him about what happened, he does not want to talk about it at all, because he does not feel guilty at all. And often he doesn’t remember what he did at all, or he just pretends ... He never asks for forgiveness for what he did. When you try to talk about the fact that he greatly offended his mother or did something else, he instantly breaks into a scream and screams to the last. He believes that he does everything, almost feeds and clothes everyone. Everything around - d ... mo, and he - "the navel of the earth." And all this is heard in a very noisy monologue, if you try to object to him, you will hear the cry even louder.
I have been living in the capital for 7 years and do not depend on anyone ... Recently my father died, my brother's wife is pregnant with her second child, my mother lives in our parents' house with her middle brother ... But! I can't live in peace, because I know that the elder brother tyrannizes everyone there! And he absolutely does not admit that he has problems with alcohol, and even more so - with nerves or the psyche ... And he does not recognize it. I am very afraid for the health and emotional state of my loved ones, as he does not allow them to live in peace. But I don’t know how to deal with this problem, because my brother refuses the help of specialists ... Please advise something, because I am in despair!

• Hello Anastasia. According to the description, your older brother is very close to a representative of an excitable type of character accentuation. Which is characterized by instinctiveness and what the mind suggests is not taken into account by such a person, and the desire to satisfy momentary desires, needs, instinctive impulses becomes decisive.
  Knowing this, I can recommend you and all your loved ones not to criticize him, not to touch his personality in conversations, not to discuss his actions, not to remind him of past mistakes. Since all efforts will be useless, and it will be quite easy to run into his high impulsiveness and irritability. Such people need to be simply tolerated if necessary, and in general in society, communication with such people is avoided if they show their temper and do not restrain themselves.

Mother problem. He constantly rushes at me, swears for no reason, threatens with physical violence, it even came to assault. She starts screaming wildly from scratch, does not want to listen to anyone, everyone is to blame for her, etc. Always judging others, literally looking for something to cling to and pours everything on me. He doesn’t make any contact, he sees only one thing in everything: “you decided to argue with me, #@*#@???” and runs even more. There are moments of calm, when he even tries to improve relations, but everything ends up with reproaches and using everything he learns against me. With these reproaches and scandals, it hits the most painful. If suddenly a scandal starts because of some lost thing, then it doesn’t matter if I’m guilty of it or not, he never apologizes for empty attacks. What to do?? How to find an approach? How to calm a hysteric?

• Hello Alina. Attacks of anger are recommended to be eliminated by switching attention to something pleasant or distracting for the aggressor and, of course, not to provoke him, since the breakdown of negative emotions in the immediate environment is akin to a drug and they give the aggressor great pleasure.

Hello. Here's my problem. I’m 23. My father left early, although he fully participated in my upbringing with my brother, my childhood turned out to be difficult, it was not easy for my mother to pull us, and later there was no love for the rest of the world, something like a children’s complex. I am extremely hot-tempered, a completely happy mood easily changes to an extremely hostile state, but I have never shown aggression towards strangers, only in case of protecting myself or my family. I work a lot, and this is the reason for the constant physical and moral stress, so I always took it out on my people around me (family, girlfriend, close friends). But lately things have changed a lot. Now there is no aggression towards close people, I don’t break down, I try to be softer, not to start somewhere, I quickly calm down. BUT! As soon as I hear something addressed to me from a stranger, not necessarily an insult, any provocation, I suddenly have a feeling of HUGE hatred, it’s like adrenaline or a state before fainting, I can’t calm down until ... but here it ends differently, but in most of the time until my "enemy" is on the floor. And I understand later that it seems that I didn’t hear anything particularly offensive in my address, but at that moment it feels like he is threatening me with death, and I can’t help but defend myself. Later I will realize and understand everything, but the feeling that I did everything right will not leave me, I cannot convince myself of this and no one can. By the way, now something else has appeared, in terms of intimacy, now the preference is more towards, well, let's say not quite, but a little towards rough intimacy, well, of course, not in relation to me, I have become a little rougher. No, my girlfriend likes it of course, but I just noticed this in myself. And I am writing all this only because for the first time I felt scared, not of the consequences, not of responsibility, no, I was scared of myself that I could not control myself at the moment of aggression, I could not calm down. Thank you for your help.

• Hello, Alexander. Most likely, you have an excitable type of character accentuation (an extreme version of the norm), which is expressed in weak control, insufficient controllability of your own drives and motives. Therefore, it is very difficult for you in a state of emotional excitement to restrain yourself and not get annoyed. You don't have to be afraid of your condition. Now you know that such a type exists, and you are one of them.
  Moral foundations for this type do not matter, and in outbursts of anger, an increase in aggressiveness is noted, which is accompanied by the activation of appropriate actions. The reactions of excitable personalities are impulsive. Decisive for the behavior and lifestyle of such a person are not prudence, not the logical weighing of their actions, but inclinations, uncontrollable impulses.
  Therefore, we recommend avoiding extreme situations in which a conflict is possible or situations where your behavior, business, personal qualities are criticized.
  Your types prefer athletic sports, where you can throw off the accumulated energy or aggression.
  “But things have changed a lot lately. Now there is no aggression towards close people, I don’t break down, I try to be softer, not to start somewhere ”- Gradually, with age, you will become softer. Of course, it will depend directly on the immediate environment, the circle of your communication. The personality of your warehouse often chooses its social circle carefully, surrounding itself with weaker ones in order to lead them.
  Try to rest more, do not overwork, avoid starting difficult tasks in a bad mood or tired, as in such situations a violation of behavior can occur. Do not place high hopes and expectations on society. The world is not perfect and cannot be changed. People tend not to "filter" their words, which mean a lot in life.
  Meditation, auto-training, yoga can help you find peace of mind and be more stress-resistant.

Hello. I have an atypical situation, I meet a girl, she is 19 years old. We’ve been dating for about 2 years, she has a very difficult relationship with her mother and grandmother, she doesn’t have a father, she always had quarrels with her mother before, she just had crazy tantrums, it came to assault, about a year ago she moved in with me. At the beginning of a relationship, with disagreements or even minor quarrels, she became uncontrollable, a stream of aggression, obscenity, insults and humiliation against me, although I myself never even called her a fool, not to mention mat. She always tried to calm down in a conflict and find out the reason for such behavior, she always says that she cannot control herself, that after she doesn’t tell me everything, only then she calms down, and it doesn’t have to be our quarrel. She quarrels with her mother and takes out her anger on me, answers rudely, swears. After my threats of a break in relations, she calmed down more or less, but until now, during quarrels, a stream of obscenities, insults, etc. comes from her. The last time in the shopping center, where we were with her and my friend, she started screaming at the whole floor at me, because I didn’t wait for her and followed me and screamed until the very exit. Everyone turned to look at us, our friend and I asked not to shout and calm down, she did not react in any way. Another kind of behavior is to run away from me through the streets, and even in unfamiliar cities, where she can get lost. Even during quarrels, sometimes he threatens to kill himself, especially when I talk about parting. I was very tired of this and began to show defensive aggression against her myself, began to shout at her scream, damaged the furniture from aggression, and after my aggression she quickly calms down and is the first to put up and ask for forgiveness .. Tell me if changes for the better are possible Or should I think about breaking up?

• Hello Ruslan. You need to stop the manipulations on the part of the girl, because as soon as she realized that you are capable of counter aggression, she got scared and changed her behavior.
  Tell her directly that you understand the complexity of the situation, regarding her relatives and communication with them, but you will not be allowed to treat you like that. Or she changes internally, learns self-control, signs up for yoga, goes to a psychologist, studies her problem on her own, or you will be forced to end such a relationship.
  “Even during quarrels, sometimes he threatens to kill himself, especially when I talk about parting.” “This is a skillful game of a manipulative neurotic, allowing him to achieve his goals. And you need to keep in mind the priority of your interests.
  Ask her calmly the question: what will you gain from this if you kill yourself? Who will benefit? Let her know that you are not familiar with remorse and relations with her have internally tempered you, so you will not grieve for a long time, but will quickly find a replacement for her. Therefore, it may make sense for her to change, stop blackmailing you and start respecting you as a person.

  • Thank you very much for your answer, now the problem and the seriousness of the situation have become clearer to me, because I have repeatedly told her about restraining myself, about a psychologist, about internal changes, she seemed to try to control herself for the first time, but after a while everything is new again, and if quarrels with tantrums are already happening less often, but they are getting harder, and to any of my arguments about her unreasonable aggression, that you can calmly resolve the conflict , she replies that I’m so bad and brought her to such a state .. it seems to me that she simply doesn’t want to change and really sees that I succumb to her manipulations, I’ll try to send her or go with her to a psychologist or a psychotherapist, if the results If it doesn't, then you'll probably have to end the relationship.

    Again I turn to you, I tried to behave as you advised, she laughs at the offer to go to a psychologist or psychotherapist and says that she is not a psychopath, but an attempt to stop her manipulations, in particular ignoring, led to the fact that she went to the balcony of the 12th floor and she blackmailed that she would drop off, she is unbalanced, when parting with her I am afraid that she can really commit suicide, what can be done either in terms of referring her to a psychologist or in terms of a safe separation?

    • Or you can help her decide to seek help (how exactly to do this - you should know better, because you have been living with her for two years), or you will suffer from her inappropriate behavior all the time that you spend together ... Without face-to-face help She definitely needs a specialist. To what was written earlier, without seeing the patient, there is simply nothing to add.

      You need to break up with her while you have no children. My daughter is almost the same and does not want to change. If earlier she asked for forgiveness for bad behavior, so to speak, then over the years she began to believe that everyone at home was to blame. Ruslan can’t change her in any way, don’t waste time on her, life will be poisoned with such a girl. There should be peace and order in the house, love and petty quarrels (no way without them), and most importantly, find a girl so that you are drawn to her and not ashamed of her behavior.

      You need to break up with her while you have no children. My daughter is almost the same and does not want to change. If earlier she asked for forgiveness for bad behavior, so to speak, then over the years she began to believe that everyone at home was to blame. Ruslan, you can’t change her in any way, don’t waste time on her, life will be poisoned with such a girl. There should be peace and order in the house, love and petty quarrels (no way without them), and most importantly, find a girl so that you are drawn to her and not ashamed of her behavior.

My husband and I have been together for 2 years. For the first six months, I was happy that a loving, attentive, affectionate man was with me, carried in his arms, blew dust particles away. There were of course quarrels, but minor ones. The only thing that has always amazed me is that during the conflict he could say such words to me, which is difficult even to describe. But she didn't pay much attention to it. The first time he raised his hand to me after enough alcohol. It was unbearable. I was in a closed room for 3 hours, he beat me, then took a knife and cut my dress on me, broke a bottle on my head, after that I was already unconscious. I woke up on the balcony in a pool of blood. Seeing that I had regained consciousness, he literally ordered me to wash my face and lie down next to him to sleep. I got hysterical, he started beating me again. At some point, the neighbors began to break down the door and I managed to escape wrapped in a blanket, I left. I don't know how, but I forgave him after a couple of months. And everything happened again, only the next time he tortured me for several days, until the police intervened. But with our laws, the real punishment will be only when he kills. I can only say one thing, all this continues over and over again. I have become a dog and I know that I will forgive him again. I know it's my fault, but maybe there's a way to fix it. I fear that he will soon kill me. Tell me what can be done!?

• Taisia, you and only you can make yourself happy. Only you can change your life. You are now a victim, you need to URGENTLY turn to a specialist if you yourself are not capable. And my advice is to RUN from this asshole!!! As soon as possible! I hope you don't have children. Go to your mother, to your friend, there are centers for women who find themselves in a difficult situation, but at least to the station! He will always beat you because you endured! You can't fight back, walk away, run away. But I'm sure you can do it if you want to. Change your life once and for all. And finally stop being a victim. Good luck to you!

How to cope with the aggression of a 9-year-old child with epilepsy. The girl does not want to do her homework, she starts throwing everything, screaming, she can hit her mother. There is no way to deal with it, just trouble. What should we do, please help.

• Hello Hope. In your case with your daughter, we recommend that you consult a child psychologist. The specialist, after talking with you and the girl, will be able to establish the causes of aggressive behavior and tell you how to more effectively achieve the desire to learn.

  • Thank you, we also think you can try. I'm just a grandmother. My daughter is already exhausted with her. The granddaughter takes Depakin, there are no seizures, and her character became aggressive during the treatment. And when will it all get better?

My husband and I lived together for 5 years. We are 25 years apart. I am now 39, he is 64. Signs of aggression began to appear after the first 3 months. It seemed to me that it was my fault, I tried to talk, understand the reason and not do it again. Sometimes it was expressed in a furious cry (very, very strong, impossible to convey), sometimes in silence from 2 days to 10-15. In the end, I was always the first to put up. For 5 years, such situations occurred with a frequency of once a month. (average) The husband has never considered himself guilty all the time. Not only that, he punished me. You don't know how to behave, I'm going on holiday for the New Year alone. So out of 5 New Year holidays, 2 times I met New Year home alone. At the same time, I tried to react differently to his hyper / op or long silence. And she screamed back at first (this turned out to be the most ineffective) and calmly tried to explain what I feel and left for a day or two. Once at the airport they flew to rest, I went to the toilet and lingered a little, yelling like crazy, about 10 minutes, people began to gather around. I managed to stop only when she said that you either stop, or I don’t go. Then on vacation he was silent for 2 weeks. Went separately. The last breakup was due to him screaming when I told him what I bought at the grocery store. He yelled that he did not want to listen to this, the topic is closed. I tried to justify myself by causing him to have fits of rage. In the end, I said I couldn't listen to it anymore. And she left. He said well and went to ... A month later he called, brought me my things from his dacha. And he said that if you apologize, I will forgive. I came back 1 day later and apologized. And he said, you have a scandal on your tongue all the time, you can’t stop at the time as always, I signaled you to stop, but you don’t hear what they say to you. IN general summer I go on vacation alone, but at the expense of the second autumn vacation is still in question. And we also had tickets to the theater, he said that he was not going to go there alone, he didn’t go alone, and that’s next. sometimes I can't make it at all. I couldn't take it anymore and left forever. It's been 3 days. It's hard, I'm in a lot of pain. I'm trying to calm myself, maybe he's not normal?

• Hello Irina. It is clear that your husband's psyche is unstable and there is a dependence on periodic manifestations of aggression. It doesn't matter if it's you or there will be another wife, he will behave the same way.
  You did everything right that you left, it is not clear why you are suffering? In a relationship, he is a tyrant, and you are a victim, and so it will always be.

  • I suffer because I know that I myself am responsible for everything that happens to me. So I'm trying to understand if EVERYTHING was done on my part. And also, I love him very much, every finger, every hair ... But I understand that I will become disabled soon if I stay. It is better to "die" once than to do it endlessly. When he quarreled with me, it was like throwing into hell: "you stop breathing and feeling."

    I printed out your answer, I re-read it, it becomes a little easier.
    THANK YOU.

My sister and I have a mother born in 1927. She almost lost her memory. She does not recognize some relatives, does not understand where she lives, cannot understand that her husband (our father) has died, and plus illnesses. Sister takes care of mom. After the death of her father, the sister does not leave her mother. She quit her job, sleeps with her mother in the same room. She is a doctor, a nurse and a nanny for parents. Look for such daughters. Yes, and my mother did not cherish in her before the illness of the soul. But now everything has turned into a continuous nightmare. It was as if the mother had been possessed by a demon. She does everything in defiance, finds fault with food, does not want to take medicine, calls her sister names that we have never heard from her, has already tried to hit her several times and bit her twice. My sister also has health problems. WHAT TO DO? How to reduce the aggressiveness of the mother. You have to hide the knives, but you can’t foresee everything.

• Hello Yuri. In your case with your mother, you need to seek help from a psychotherapist.

The daily roundup of news constantly frightens the average layman with the number of acts of violence in all corners of the world. Yes, and everyday life is replete with quarrels, screams and other manifestations of hostility.

Aggression in modern society perceived as evil and subjected to public condemnation. However, there are many examples of hostile behavior of both individuals and entire groups of people.

Why do people cause suffering to each other, what are the causes of interpersonal and global conflicts? There are no clear answers to these questions, but the study of the phenomenon of aggressiveness in various aspects of human life will help to better understand the problem.

What is aggression?

In the world there are many approaches to determining the cause, content and types of counteraction to such behavior. So, some psychologists believe that aggression is an innate human quality associated with instinctive impulses. Others relate this concept with the need for relaxation by the individual (frustration), others perceive it as a manifestation of the social learning of a person that arose on the basis of past experience.

Thus, this type of personality manifestation is a deliberate behavior that is destructive and leads to physical or psychological harm and discomfort to other individuals.

Aggression in psychology, and in Everyday life, often associated with anger, anger, rage, that is, extremely negative emotions. In fact, hostility can also arise in a calm, cold-blooded state. Such behavior may be the result of negative attitudes (the desire to harm or offend) or be unmotivated. According to many experts, a prerequisite for aggressive behavior should be its focus on another individual. That is, punching the wall and beating dishes are manifestations of not hostile, but expressive behavior. But outbursts of uncontrolled negative emotions can subsequently be redirected to living beings.

Historical Approaches

The definition of aggression is carried out through various approaches. The main ones are:

1. normative approach. Particular attention is paid to the illegality of actions and violation of generally accepted norms. Aggressive behavior is considered to be behavior that includes 2 main conditions: there are consequences that are detrimental to the victim and at the same time the norms of behavior are violated.
2. Deep psychological approach. The instinctive nature of aggression is affirmed. It is an integral innate feature of the behavior of any person.
3. Target approach. Explores hostile behavior from the point of view of its intended purpose. According to this direction, aggression is a tool for self-affirmation, evolution, adaptation and appropriation of vital important resources and territories.
4. Efficient approach. Emphasizes the consequences of such behavior.
5. Intentional approach. Evaluates the motivations of the subject of hostility, which prompted him to such actions.
6. emotional approach. Reveals the psycho-emotional aspect of the behavior and motivation of the aggressor.
7. A multidimensional approach includes an analysis of all factors of aggression with a deep study of the most significant, from the point of view of an individual author.

A large number of approaches to the definition of this psychological phenomenon does not provide an exhaustive definition of it. Too extensive and multifaceted is the concept of "aggression". The types of aggression are very diverse. But still, it is necessary to understand and classify them in order to better understand the causes and develop ways to deal with this serious problem of our time.

Aggression. Types of aggression

It is rather difficult to create a unified classification of the types of aggression and its causes. However, in world practice they often use its definition according to the method American psychologists A. Bass and A. Darki, which includes five components:

1. Physical aggression - physical impact is used on another individual.
2. Indirect aggression - occurs in a hidden way (evil banter, the creation of gossip) or is not directed at a specific person (unreasonable screams, stamping of feet, other manifestations of outbursts of rage).
3. Irritation - increased excitability to external stimuli, which often leads to a surge of negative emotions.
4. Verbal aggression is the manifestation of negative feelings through verbal reactions (screeching, screaming, swearing, threats, etc.).
5. Negativism is oppositional behavior that can manifest itself both in a passive and active form of struggle against established laws and traditions.

Types of verbal reactions

The manifestation of aggression in verbal form, according to A. Bass, is divided into three main types:

1. Rejection is a reaction that is built according to the “go away” type and more rude forms.
2. Hostile remarks - formed according to the principle "your presence annoys me."
3. Criticism is aggression directed not specifically at a person, but at his personal items, work, clothes, etc.

Psychologists also distinguish other forms of hostility. So, according to H. Hekhauzen, there is instrumental and hostile aggression. Hostile is an end in itself and brings direct harm to another person. Instrumental is an intermediate phenomenon in achieving a goal (for example, extortion).

Forms of manifestation

Forms of aggression can be very diverse and are divided into the following types of actions:

• negative (destructive) - positive (constructive);
• explicit (open aggression) - latent (hidden);
• direct (directed directly to the object) - indirect (influence through other channels);
• ego-synthonic (accepted by the personality itself) - ego-dystonic (condemned by one's "I");
• physical (violence against a physical object) - verbal (attack with words);
• hostile (the purpose of aggression is direct harm) - instrumental (hostility is only a means to achieve another goal).

The most common manifestations of aggression in everyday life are raising one's voice, slander, insults, coercion, physical force, and the use of weapons. Hidden forms include harmful inaction, withdrawal from contact, self-harm to the point of suicide.

Who can be targeted?

Attacks of aggression can be directed to:

• exceptionally close people - only family members (or one member) are attacked, with others the behavior is normal;
• people not from the family circle - teachers, classmates, doctors, etc.;
• himself - as own body, and on the person, occurs in the form of refusing to eat, mutilating, biting nails, etc .;
• animals, insects, birds, etc.;
• inanimate physical objects - in the form of eating inedible objects;
• symbolic items - passion for aggressive computer games, collecting weapons, etc.

Reasons for aggressive behavior

The reasons for human hostility are also diverse and cause controversy among professional psychologists.

Adherents of biological theory are of the opinion that aggression is:

• innate human reaction associated with (attack is the best defense);
• behavior arising as a result of the struggle for territory and resources (competition in personal and professional spheres);
• hereditary property obtained together with the type of nervous system (unbalanced);
• a consequence of hormonal disorders (excess testosterone or adrenaline);
• a consequence of the use (alcohol, nicotine, drugs).

According to the sociobiological approach, people with similar genes contribute to each other's survival even through self-sacrifice. At the same time, they show aggression towards individuals who are very different from them and share few common genes. This explains the conflict outbreaks between representatives of social, national, religious and professional groups.

Psychosocial theory links increased aggressiveness to a person's quality of life. The worse his condition (did not get enough sleep, hungry, dissatisfied with life), the more hostile he is.

Factors affecting the level of aggressiveness

According to social theory, aggression is a property of a person acquired during life. Moreover, it develops against the background of the following factors:

• (frequent quarrels between parents, the use of physical force on children, lack of parental attention);
• daily display and propaganda of violence on television and in other media.

Psychologists also closely associate the factors of human aggression with such personal qualities:

• dominant style of behavior;
• increased anxiety;
• a tendency to reveal the hostility of the actions of other individuals;
• increased or, conversely, underestimated self-control;
• low self-esteem and frequent infringement of one's own dignity;
• complete lack of potential, including creativity.

How to deal with an aggressor?

Aggression is an action usually aimed at destruction. Therefore, it is necessary to remember some basic rules of behavior with a negatively minded individual:

1. If a person is in a strong psychological arousal, and the problem is minor, try to transfer the conversation to another topic, reschedule the discussion, that is, get away from the irritant conversation.
2. It will positively affect mutual understanding if the parties to the conflict look at the problem from the outside, with an unbiased look.
3. It is necessary to try to understand the aggressor. If the cause depends on you, take possible measures to eliminate it.
4. Sometimes it is useful to show empathy and understanding to the aggressor.
5. It also helps to agree with him on those points where he is really right.

Determine what type the aggressor belongs to

Specific methods of counteracting hostility depend directly on the personality variety of the aggressor:

1. Tank type. Very rude and direct people who, in a conflict situation, cut right through. If the issue is not very important, it is better to give in or adapt, let the aggressor blow off steam. You can’t question his rightness, your own opinion should be expressed without emotions, because calmness usually suppresses the rage of such a person.
2. Bomb type. These subjects are not inherently evil, but can flare up like children. With an outbreak of hostility, it is necessary to let the emotions of such a person come out, calm him down and continue to communicate normally, since this does not happen out of evil and often against the will of the aggressor himself.
3. Sniper type. Due to the lack of actual power, it creates conflicts through intrigues. It is important to show the culprit evidence of his behind-the-scenes games and then look for a solution to this issue.
4. Horn type. These people criticize everything in the world, from real problems to imaginary ones. They want to be heard. When contacting such a plan, the aggressor needs to let him pour out his soul, agree with his opinion and try to move the conversation in a different direction. When returning to this topic, you should switch his attention from the problem to the way to solve it.
5. Penknife type. Such people are often ready to help, inferior in many matters. However, this happens only in words, but in practice the opposite is true. When communicating with them, it is necessary to insist on the importance for you of the truth on their part.

How to get rid of discomfort after communication?

IN modern world people have a fairly high level of aggression. This implies the need for a correct response to other people's attacks, as well as control of one's own psycho-emotional state.

At the moment of a hostile reaction, you need to take a deep breath and exhale, count to ten, which will allow you to abstract from a momentary outburst of emotions and rationally look at the situation. It is also useful to tell the opponent about your negative feelings. If all this does not help, you can throw out excess anger with the help of one of the following activities:

• sports, yoga or outdoor activities;
• picnic in nature;
• rest in a karaoke bar or at a disco;
• general cleaning (even with a rearrangement) in the house;
• writing all the negative on paper with its subsequent destruction (it must be torn or burned);
• you can beat the dishes or just a pillow (this option is much cheaper);
• conversation with the closest and, most importantly, understanding people;
• crying also gives a tangible emotional release;
• in the end, you can just do your favorite thing, it will certainly cheer you up.

In more severe cases, a person cannot cope with negative emotions on his own. Then you need to contact a psychotherapist or psychologist. The specialist will help to recognize the causes of this condition, give a definition of aggression in each case, and also find individual methods for resolving this issue.

Causes of child aggression

A very important aspect that cannot be ignored is teenage aggression. It is very important for parents to figure out what caused this behavior, because this will make it possible to further correct the child's reactions. Childhood hostility is similar to adult reason, but it also has some peculiarities. The main ones are:

• desire to get something;
• the desire to dominate;
• attracting the attention of other children;
• self-affirmation;
• defensive reaction;
• gaining a sense of superiority at the expense of the humiliation of others;
• revenge.

The aggressive behavior of adolescents in half of the cases is the result of miscalculations in education, insufficient or excessive influence, unwillingness to understand the child, or a banal lack of time. This character is formed with an authoritarian type of parental influence, as well as in dysfunctional families.

Aggression in adolescents also occurs in the presence of a number of psychological factors:

• low level of intelligence and communication skills;
• primitivism of play activity;
• weak self-control skills;
• problems with peers;
• low self-esteem.

Left to its own devices, aggression on the part of a child in the future can develop into open conflicts and even in adulthood. Child psychology distinguishes almost the same types of hostility as an adult. Therefore, we will dwell in more detail on the issues of dealing with it, which has some differences from cases with adults.

The child has?

The most important rule in education is to follow personal example. The child will never respond to the demands of the parents, which are at odds with their own actions.

The reaction to aggression should not be momentary and cruel. The child will take out his anger on others, hiding his real emotions from his parents. But there should be no connivance either, because children are very good at feeling insecure on the part of their parents.

Aggressive behavior of adolescents requires timely prevention, namely the systematic and controlled formation of trusting and friendly relations. Strength and weakness on the part of the parent will only aggravate the situation, only sincerity and trust will really help.

Specific steps to deal with aggression in a child include the following:

1. Teach him self-control.
2. Develop skills to deal with conflict situations.
3. Teach your child to express negative emotions in an adequate way.
4. To instill in him understanding and empathy for other people.

Aggression is commonly understood as deliberate actions that cause or intend to cause damage to another person, group of people. This definition is not generally accepted because "aggression" has many different meanings, as in scientific papers as well as in ordinary speech. As a result, we cannot always be sure what is meant when an individual is characterized as "aggressive".

E. Fromm defines aggression more broadly as causing damage not only to a person or animal, but in general to any inanimate object.

Aggression - deliberate actions that cause or intend to cause harm to another person, group of people or animal.

The dictionary edited by A. V. Petrovsky says that the term "aggression" means a violent violation of the rights of another person and offensive actions or treatment of other people, as well as bold, assertive behavior. This definition presents a wide variety of actions, but they are all denoted by the word "aggression".

They also use highly specialized interpretations of "aggression". A. Bass proposed the most well-known interpretation ignoring motivational premises this definition. A. Bass tried to define aggression in a descriptive way, without using subjective ideas such as "intention". He pointed out that intentions would be difficult to assess objectively. After all, when attacking someone, the aggressors often present their goals in a false way, and even if they would like to remain true to the truth, they may not be able to determine what they were really striving for. From this perspective, aggression is best defined simply as “inflicting harm on another person.” There is an obvious problem with this definition: it is undeniable that “harming another person” is not at all the same as intentionally trying to harm someone.

Another way to define aggression, ignoring the notion of intent, is to describe aggressive behavior as a violation of social norms. Not only many non-specialists, but also professional psychologists often call a person aggressive if he or she commits actions that violate the rules of behavior accepted in a given society. Sharing this position, the prominent psychologist A. Bandura noted that many of us designate behavior as "aggressive" when it contradicts a socially approved role.

Domestic psychologists T. G. Rumyantseva and I. B. Boyko consider aggression as a form social behavior, which is implemented in the context social interaction, but the behavior will be aggressive under two conditions: when there are consequences that are detrimental to the victim, and when the norms of behavior are violated.

Having considered several basic theoretical concepts of aggression, we can take the following generalized definition of this phenomenon as a working one: aggression is any form of behavior aimed at insulting or harming another living being who does not want such treatment.

This definition emphasizes that aggression is a pattern of behavior and not an emotion or motive. Although aggression is often associated with negative emotions - such as anger; with motives - such as the desire to harm, or offend. Of course, these factors have a huge impact on aggressive behavior, but their presence is not a necessary condition for such behavior.

It is necessary to distinguish between the concepts of "aggression" and "aggression". Aggression is behavior (individual or collective) aimed at causing physical or psychological harm or damage. Aggressiveness is a relatively stable personality trait, expressed in a readiness for aggression, as well as in a tendency to perceive and interpret the behavior of another as hostile.

There are different types and types of aggression.

First, there is a distinction between reactive and spontaneous aggression. A number of important differences were noted by S. Feshbach, distinguishing expressive, hostile and instrumental aggression from each other. Expressive aggression is an involuntary outburst of anger and rage, unfocused and quickly ending, and the source of the disturbance is not necessarily attacked.

Most important is the distinction between hostile and instrumental aggression. The purpose of the first is mainly to harm another, while the second is aimed at achieving a goal of a neutral nature, and aggression is used only as a means (for example, in the case of blackmail, education through punishment, a shot at a bandit who has taken hostages).

Instrumental aggression, S. Feshbach, subdivides into individually and socially motivated, one can also talk about selfish and disinterested aggression.

Among the forms of aggressive reactions found in various sources, it is necessary to highlight the following:

physical aggression(attack) - the use of physical force against another person.

indirect aggression- actions, both in a roundabout way directed at another person (gossip, malicious jokes), and outbursts of rage directed at no one (shouting, stamping their feet, beating the table with their fists, slamming doors, etc.).

Verbal aggression- expression of negative feelings both through the form (shout, screech, quarrel) and through the content of verbal responses (threats, curses, swearing).

Tendency to get irritated- readiness for manifestation at the slightest excitation of irascibility, harshness, rudeness.

Negativism- oppositional demeanor, usually directed against authority or leadership. It can grow from passive resistance to active struggle against established laws and customs.

From the forms of hostile reactions are noted:

Resentment- envy and hatred of others, caused by a feeling of bitterness, anger at the whole world for real or imaginary suffering.

Suspicion- distrust and caution towards people, based on the belief that others intend to cause harm.

Aggression is also distinguished according to the mechanism of occurrence and action, and the mechanism and principle of action largely depend on the person's perception and assessment of the situation, in particular, the intentions attributed to another person, retribution for aggressive behavior, the ability to achieve the goal as a result of the use of aggressive actions, the assessment of similar actions on the part of other people and self-esteem.

Aggressive manifestations differ in their structure:

• 1. By direction:
  • - Aggression directed outward;
  • - auto-aggression - aimed at yourself.
• 2. By purpose:
  • - intellectual aggression;
  • - hostile aggression.
• 3. By expression method:
  • - physical aggression;
  • - verbal aggression.
• 4. According to the severity:
  • - direct aggression;
  • - indirect aggression.
• 5. By the presence of the initiative:
  • - initiative aggression;
  • - defensive aggression.

Thus, the analysis of the concept of "aggression" allows us to conclude that aggression includes conscious actions that cause or intend to cause damage to another person, group of people or animal. The working definition is: aggression is any form of behavior aimed at insulting or harming another living being who does not want such treatment. The forms of aggression include: physical, indirect, verbal, a tendency to irritation, resentment, suspicion. In the next paragraph, scientific and psychological approaches that explain aggressive behavior will be explored.

Aggression in psychology is defined as a special type of behavior that is aimed solely at causing harm to both living people and inanimate objects. As a rule, such a manifestation serves as a reaction to various kinds of mental or physical frustrations, discomfort, stress s. In some cases, aggression can be used to achieve some goal, for example, for self-assertion or obtaining some kind of status.

The attitude of parents towards children also influences the behavior of children. For example, loss of affectivity during the first five years of life poses a risk of developing delinquent behavior in children. This is especially true for foster children separated from their mother at this age, which can lead to a serious recovery of emotional disorders. This risk also exists for children who live with their own family but do not enjoy a safe affective climate.

The attitude of children towards parents is often a consequence of the attitudes and behavior of parents, how they manage to provide support or affection to children, communicate with them, participate in their lives and problems without violating a certain “autonomy”, Impose a certain “parental discipline”, some rules, not being very rigid, permissive or controversial, but represent a balance between authoritarianism and excessive permissiveness.

If motivated aggression (having a reason) is a completely natural manifestation of human nature, then unmotivated aggression (without a reason) is already a serious reason to turn to a psychotherapist.

Attacks of aggression: how to win?

For many people, bouts of aggression, or, more simply, irascibility, greatly interfere with life. Consider several ways to tame your nature:

Children's responses may also be a consequence of their placement in a family environment dominated by acts of violence, to which they assist or act as victims, some of whom develop simultaneous or sequential negative attitudes towards parents and violence.

The negative attitude of children and young people towards the family can also be interpreted from the point of view of the psychophysiological stages of the child and adolescent. At this age, there is a process of building, recognizing and imposing a new identity, a process that includes the desire for the liberation of the adolescent. This causes him to claim self-expression, to be himself, to assert and impose himself as a separate reality, to be recognized, accepted and valued as such by others. In the first case, the teenager demands the simplest way: an open refusal to submit and show his independence at any cost.

• drink a glass of water;
• concentrate on your breath, inhale and exhale slowly;
• get distracted, remember something good;
• mentally count from 10 to 1;
• relax the body - face, arms, legs, move away from the problem;
• pinch yourself a few times.

If these techniques do not help you, this is an occasion to contact a professional. Only a psychotherapist can deal with the causes and find a solution to the problem.

Family type. Research in this area shows that domestic violence occurs especially in families disorganized by divorce, and less so in cases where the death of one of the partners has occurred. The economic conditions of the family are one of the factors that can cause overt phenomena. High unemployment, high proportion of low-skilled work force has consequences for the economic conditions of the families inhabiting the area.

One child is at risk for violent behavior or difficulty adjusting. This risk arises as a result of the family's overprotective attitude and the child's reduced ability to adapt to other contexts, to other systems of relationships, such as those offered by the school environment.

physical aggression -

The use of physical force against a physical object, another person, a social group. Physical aggression is manifested by certain and observable psychomotor acts, often represented by one or another of their sequences (shocks, blows, beatings, torture, etc.)

The incompatibility between the two models - family and school - can cause the value system that the child has learned in the family. A child from a disadvantaged environment will be in conflict with the cognitive style and rules of the school, which are different from the conditions of the home environment and which he and his family will appreciate, "confrontations" between the two models and value systems school adaptation, rejection, protests, failures.

For families with more low level education, certain tendencies of non-valuation of education, attitudes towards school, negative ideas about the role and importance of education are possible. Families do not realize the relationship between the level of training and the socio-economic situation, access to more high levels education is not, in their opinion, a guarantee of professional success. These parental attitudes and perceptions are often passed on to children, with consequences in terms of motivation and learning outcomes.

The first is physical aggression towards oneself (its behavioral signs: scratching, pinching himself, tearing his hair, hitting himself, breaking his fists, throwing himself on the floor, inflicting superficial wounds and burns on himself, causing serious damage to himself).

The second is physical aggression towards objects (its behavioral signs: an individual slams doors, tears clothes, throws things down, stains walls, breaks things and breaks glass, makes a fire, spoils valuable property).

Evaluations such as "useless things for learning in school", "school is a waste of time" for students who do not come from poorly educated families, can be interpreted as a reaction to the emergence of unsuccessful models of success at the higher education level, but also as a critical attitude for school. This is due to the fact that the school is not sufficiently adapted to the individual education needs of students or the requirements of the labor market, which makes it difficult to include young graduates, implicitly having reserves as a school to ensure professional and social success.

The third is physical aggression directed at others (its behavioral signs: the individual swings to strike, grabs the enemy by his clothes, threatens him with unambiguous gestures, beats, pulls him by the hair; attacks, causing minor injuries; causes serious injuries).

WITH symbolic form of aggression in the form of causing psichological harm using predominantly vocal (shout, change of tone) and verbal components of speech (invective, insults, etc.). It is expressed with the help of lexis of aggression (see). At the same time, the fact of causing harm must be real and obviously obvious both for the aggressor for the aggressor and for his victim.

The "later date" seems to be related to the lack of supervision of children in situations where both parents work abroad. The frequency of child violent behavior in these families is highlighted by the analysis of risk factors in inducing this phenomenon. Such situations are increasingly being reported not only as causes of violence, but also due to school failure and abandonment, which is also a risk factor for violence. When "temporary leave" of children interferes with dysfunctional socio-economic, cultural, educational families, the risk of such a problem is even greater.

Verbal aggression can be overt or covert. Open verbal aggression is manifested by a clear intention to cause communicative damage to the addressee and is expressed in obvious humiliating forms (curses, screams). Such behavior often tends to turn into physical aggression when the aggressor brazenly invades the recipient's personal space (see aggression transfers). Hidden verbal aggression is a systematic and derogatory pressure on the addressee, but without an open display of hostile emotions.

Decreased parental authority is the cumulative effect of several factors affecting parents, including: insufficient time for children, lack of communication between parents and children, lack of coordination between educational practices parents, features characteristic of adolescence, when the influence of the circle of friends is greater than the influence of parents due to the orientation of the adolescent to the world outside the family circle, a strong impact of funds mass media, which contributes to other values ​​and models than those in the family, the lack of a safe, stable emotional climate and other factors compromise the recognition of parents as authorities by parents.

Verbal aggression makes you feel resentment, depression, anger, it is possible that you will not slow down with a response. So, you can succumb to verbal violence as a result of impolite service in the store. Often non-physical aggression occurs between spouses, parent and children.

How to deal with verbal aggression?

The analysis presented emphasizes that school violence cannot be explained, prevented, improved or countered without examining the family environment, which has an obvious role in the development of the child and the mechanisms of self-control of violent impulses.

The first reason mentioned by the students is related to their problems. As a result, teacher violence is seen only as a response to student violence, with the latter actually being the violent actor in the school. We could think of "indirect challenges" on the part of students, namely: lack of interest in learning, poor results in school, failure of the school, indifferent or even negative attitudes of parents towards school. These aspects determine the professional dissatisfaction of teachers and, indirectly, their inadequate behavior in the school space.

If you feel that you have become a victim of an aggressor, try to pull yourself together and not respond with rudeness. This only aggravates the situation by creating unnecessary conflicts. In the case when it seems that a little more and verbal aggression will fall upon you, mentally place yourself in a glass cap through which the negativity of the interlocutor will not affect your peaceful state.

The high frequency of the case associated with shortcomings in communication is explained by the fact that the topic of educational communication is not a priority of the initial and continuous programs teacher education, although it is considered an important competence in professional level this profession. As a result of teacher communication barriers, various inappropriate forms of teacher behavior appear, such as labeling students, not knowing the student as a discussion partner, verbal aggression etc. in fact, many teachers admit that they practice such behavior towards students, but do not consider them unacceptable manifestations, but simple solutions to respond to students' verbal aggression.

Non-verbal aggression is a series of signals indicating the aggressive mood of your interlocutor. In other words, body language shows the intentions of the latter regarding your personality.

indirect aggression

- aggressive actions presented in a hidden, disguised form. They are indirectly directed at a certain person (group, offspring, cultural norm, moral principle, religious dogma, etc.) - a true victim of aggression. Examples of indirect aggression can be vandalism, slander, malicious rumors, and so on. A special kind of indirect aggression, from the point of view of the "greens", represents environmental damage. Those who inflict it are usually aware that the damage to nature that they cause threatens future generations in the first place, but the pests themselves are more important than the motives of their own enrichment or some other equally personal or narrow group ones. Sometimes, indirect aggression is called actions that are characterized by their non-direction and disorder, such as outbursts of rage or beating the table with fists (Meshcheryakov, Zinchenko, 2004). At the same time, the direction of such actions is carefully hidden or not realized by the subject of aggression.

Another reason for teachers' inappropriate behavior towards students was the lack of classroom management skills. Age characteristics students who are in the midst of adolescence are preconditions for specific behavior and require a "master class" from teachers.

In the same category of teachers' competencies, insufficient psychological and pedagogical training is mentioned as a reason for inadequate behavior. The lack of psychological and pedagogical skills leads to insufficient knowledge of the student's personality and has direct consequences for the quality of didactic activity due to: inability to adapt educational approach to the characteristics of the age of students, the choice of ineffective teaching and assessment strategies, and poor relationships with teachers.

NEGATIVISM

H negativism (English negativism; from Latin negatio - negation) - unreasonable resistance of the subject to the influences exerted on him. The concept of negativism was originally used only in relation to pathological phenomena that occur in certain forms of mental illness. In mentally ill patients, N. can manifest itself not only in relation to the influences of other people, but also in connection with the action of internal impulses (delays in speech, movements, and some physiological functions).

The third category of reasons for teacher abuse refers to the low motivation of teachers for their profession. Special studies highlight the fact that the level of motivation of the teaching staff and the type of motivation - inherently or externally - directly affect the effectiveness educational activities. Thus, a motivated teacher for his work is considered more effective in organizing and conducting educational activities and indirectly determines elevated level student motivation.

Other reasons for the inadequate behavior of teachers in relation to students are: stress and fatigue of teachers, insufficient didactic experience, lack of a teaching profession, lack of continuity in the work of teachers of the same class. According to students, the media is one of the most influential factors in their behavior, both through the values ​​it promotes and the consequences in the way they spend their leisure time.

At present, this concept has acquired a broader meaning: it is used in pedagogy and psychology to refer to any seemingly unmotivated resistance to someone else's influence. N. arises as a defensive reaction to influences that conflict with the needs of the subject. In these cases, refusal to fulfill the requirement is a way out of the conflict and release from its traumatic influence. Most often, N. occurs in children in relation to the requirements of adults, presented without taking into account the needs of children. Negativism intensifies in states of fatigue or overexcitation n. With. (cm . Children's negativism ).

The influence of the group of friends and extra-curricular districts is considered very important in the hierarchy of causes that lead to the occurrence of violence in the school space. The main types of violence prevention activities mentioned and proposed by the students are as follows.

According to the researchers, the most common ways to punish violent behavior are: individual observation, "public" reprimand and written rebuke. Less frequent use of a written reprimand, withdrawal from the course, and physical punishment is used.

The form of N. is stubbornness, behind which is the motive of self-affirmation. Negativism and stubbornness are united by the fact that they arise on the basis of a person's subjective states, while ignoring objectively existing goals (cf. persistence).

Verbal aggression is statements or intonation components of statements that serve to cause mental pain or are aimed at causing negative experiences of another person or living being.

A large number of violent situations are allowed to be solved only by schoolchildren or a school psychologist. School program And school psychologist is a person who pretty much guarantees, as students claim, helping students with violence or difficulty adapting to school rules.

Early identification of students with violent potential and the causes that may lead to violence by involving teachers; Using the interests, skills and abilities of students who have committed violence through their participation in school and extracurricular activities; Identification and assistance to students who have become victims of school violence by involving teachers and parents. Identification of parent resources to participate in preventing or resolving existing cases of violence. Patterns of Emotional Abuse Emotional abuse can manifest itself in a variety of forms and situations.

N. S. Yakimova draws attention to the fact that statements become aggressive only in those cases when they cause a reverse equivalent effect. Otherwise, even the most terrible word forms in common practice are perceived as adequate and do not injure. But it is not always the case. The fact is that verbal aggression is often directed at those creatures or people who cannot fully respond to such an act. For example, a parent yelling at a child is, in fact, committing an act of violence. But the same response is not always observed. Most of the time, the baby just cries. And in the case of the leader, the subordinate is generally forced to silently "swallow" all the aggression. That is, it is more correct to speak not about the reverse action, but about the reverse reaction. And it doesn't matter how this reaction manifests itself. The main thing is that it causes an experience or excitement. This is called the "principle of reciprocity".

It is also worth separating verbal aggression from the phenomenon of linguistic violence. The fact is that linguistic violence does not have a specific victim, but directs the statement to a wide, clearly undefined circle of people. For example, persons of Jewish or Gypsy nationality. Even jokes about blondes or Chukchi can be attributed to one of the forms of linguistic violence. Verbal aggression is always substantive and clearly aimed at defending one's positions or point of view in front of a specific person.

Reasons for aggressive verbal behavior may include:

However, in all cases, the motive of behavior comes to the fore. And the defining motive is precisely the desire to cause internal damage to the interlocutor. This is expressed in the semantic design, and not only in the design of speech. After all, one can recall, for example, the communication of certain personalities containing a large amount of obscene language. But, at the same time, this very abuse is both broadcast and perceived as words-inserts and do not cause offensive sensations. Because, in this case, there is no defining motive and deliberate actions in the form of causing offense.

Types

What exactly is verbal aggression? In fact, this is one of ten types of verbal attacks that have been experimentally identified, which can be:

Why are non-verbal signs included in the layer of verbal aggression? Yes, because with the help of them, expressions and turns take on completely different, offensive forms. We refer to the mentioned signs:

• gestures (clenched fists, arms crossed or resting on the sides);
• facial expressions (angry or dismissive facial expressions);
• poses (“imperious poses” are always perceived as a provocation);
• visual contact (provocative here can be a look that is perceived as “impudent”);
• intonation and timbre of the voice (even a phrase that is harmless in meaning can be shouted out or said with disdain, provoking resentment);
• organization of time and space of communication (invasion without demand into "foreign territory" or an urgent challenge to one's own, realizing that in such a place communication will be uncomfortable, is already regarded as an act of attack).

“Do you think this is so?” says the parent or supervisor. In fact, this phrase is not offensive. But, if you add a certain pose, the timbre of the voice, put "hands on your hips", and even call the interlocutor "to the office on the carpet to the authorities." A harmless phrase immediately becomes a threat, a condemnation of opinions and attitudes. And the phrase: “Everything is clear with you, dear,” with certain non-speech “additives”, casts doubt on the level of mental abilities and competence. In a word, that in the first, that in the second case - it delivers internal discomfort and experiences.

After verbal aggression, physical aggression can be provoked. This happens if there is an initial mood of the object of aggression due to its characteristics: personal, social or situational. Personal characteristics usually include age and gender. Social factors include ethnicity, social well-being of the environment, level of education and general culture.

The situational most often include the environment, the physical, physiological and neuro-emotional state of a person and additional factors that can affect the adequacy of the assessment and perception of the situation. But we should not write off the influence of social factors. These factors are determined by the national mentality and the division of certain linguistic norms as "unacceptable" or "acceptable". Thus, in some ethnic groups, it may be absolutely unacceptable to make an offensive statement about the parents of the interlocutor. And such things always provoke an act of physical aggression. Whereas in the other group it will not cause such a violent reaction.

Verbal aggression can take the form of direct aggression that is performed directly on someone here and now. Or maybe indirect. Indirect verbal aggression is heterogeneous and includes two different, but complementary concepts. In the first case, it is considered as aggressive behavior, the focus of which on a certain person is hidden. In the second case, it is considered as aggression, which in a roundabout way seeks to hurt the victim. In fact, these two concepts are similar in principle of action - without a direct statement. It has the appearance of intrigue, gossip. Insult is achieved by damaging, first of all, the reputation of a person.

Aggression in children and adolescents

Despite the fact that almost all people can perform such language acts, most often they turn to psychologists or psychotherapists about verbal aggression in children and adolescents. It is worth saying that the language and speech of adolescents is intensively developing and improving both by increasing the vocabulary and by understanding the ambiguous interpretations of certain words and phrases. A teenager realizes that expressing his view on some things is not necessarily words. There are many other ways.

Modern teenagers are less and less fond of books and theater, and more and more often - computers and television. Therefore, they are faster and more than their parents, absorb the variants of aggression, expressed in speech form. And it doesn’t matter who these expressions fly out of the mouth: the convict, the outcast, the character of the game. Indeed, television programs, as well as computer games, according to many observers, have become more aggressive.

Hypothetically, it is believed that the motives for verbal aggression in adolescents are as follows:

• the need for self-realization, even if this occurs due to the oppression of the interests or personal space of another person;
• the need for self-affirmation when the child begins to rebel against authorities;
• the need for self-defense when you have to defend your living space or freedom of choice.

As for the pre-adolescent period, with the help of verbal aggression, children often "mask" important and painful inner experiences: sadness, anger, but more often - a feeling of loneliness, fear of being abandoned. Therefore, it is not uncommon for such options to “change the child” occur during periods of replenishment of the family by younger children, during divorces, changes of residence and other life situations that traumatize a small person. Even if such is the need to “survive” or “defend one’s personal space” in a large team, for example, a kindergarten group.

Here we can note the fact that the forms change somewhat.

So, verbal direct aggression most often takes the form of teasers: “Masha is yogurt”, “Zhora is a glutton”. Although they can go down to the level of insults. Moreover, not all sets of curse words are adequately learned at this age. Therefore, in addition to "infection" and "mare", as a curse, words can be used that for some reason were "listed" in this list.

For example, a child may "call" someone "handy". In his mind, this word means a real monster with "some kind of long and huge or ugly arms." Whereas in our view it is rather a person who makes or repairs something very well. In addition, a psychologist can generally surprise parents who are shocked by the child’s vocabulary: it turns out that the baby does not express aggression at all. He simply retells new words heard from others.

Complaints remain vivid manifestations of indirect verbal aggression in childhood. Although they, as a rule, level out without psychological corrective work. But, aggressive fantasies should attract the most attention. In them, as a rule, the child “punishes the offender” not by himself: “the policeman will come and pick you up”, “I will tell the janitor, and he will take you far, far away, to the garbage heap.” The fact is that these types of fantasies may indicate the formation of a child’s low self-esteem and be a litmus test for his inability to repulse problems or offenders without anyone’s help. You can also talk about options for overprotection of a parent or family member, which suppresses a small personality.

Treatment

What can be advised in these cases? Of course, do not despair and deal with problems. Psychologists or psychotherapists will help you with this.

As a rule, children and adolescents who are prone to verbalizing their aggression are easy to talk to. The thing is that they are just happy to communicate and be heard. Therefore, the correction of such manifestations is quite good.

This kind of behavior is understood as aggression, which is directed in a roundabout way at another person - malicious gossip, jokes, and aggression that is not directed at anyone - an explosion of rage, manifested in screaming, stamping feet, beating the table with fists, etc. . These explosions are characterized by non-direction and disorder.

The mechanism of indirect aggression is associated with the phenomenon of "transfer". For example, a child who is not given a caramel by his mother kicks the toy away. He does not dare to pour out his anger on his mother so openly and "transfers" anger and aggressiveness to another, more harmless object. But most often, children openly show their indignation with their parents, and then suffer for a long time from their act. A child cannot take precedence over his parents, primarily because they are adults, they have real authority and they have more opportunities to insist on their own.

In addition, if a child has already been instilled with a sense of respect and obedience, even with the use of threats and punishments, he is very upset because of his aggressive behavior. A sense of guilt is born in him, as well as a fear of losing the love and care of his parents. This fear, in turn, can also develop aggressiveness. Arises vicious circle- the child feels depressed not only by his parents, but also by his own guilt and fear. And his aggressiveness will now be directed to all sorts of other objects.

In some children, aggressiveness takes the form of a destructive attitude towards things. They tear books, spill food from bags, or scatter toys. It can even reach such dangerous manifestations as arson. There is a combination of aggressiveness and hostility when a child throws toys at other children or adults. Many of the signs of aggressiveness discussed above apply equally to children whose feelings are expressed in destructive behavior.

Children's anger or discontent, manifested in destructiveness, can result in great drama. It is important for adults to remain as calm as possible and not respond with anger to anger. It is very difficult when chairs and toys fly at the head! If the behavior is motivated by the need for attention, some dramatic events, then signs of fear in others can only stimulate such children.

First of all, it is necessary to figure out whether the child, when playing, really breaks the toy just because he definitely wants to break it. It is necessary to take into account how often he performs such actions, what is the emotional fuse of the baby. For example, a child breaks a toy every day, then you really should regard it as a desire to break, even if the culprit looks completely innocent. When a child is angry, angry, the desire to break is even more obvious. This happens if the child is tired of the endless prohibitions of the parents. He tears up his rag toy only because he is unable to do the same with mom and dad.

Another reason that causes the desire to break, spoil, destroy lies in envy, behind which is the desire to assert itself. One child is jealous of another because he knows how to assemble very high towers from the details of the designer. At the same time, the first, feeling unable to build in the same way, is angry not at the child, but at the tower, reassuring himself that he is destroying it. This is his way of establishing himself. A similar desire is often directed to toys.

There are children who have such a sense of ownership that they would rather break a toy than give it to someone else. Such behavior means only one thing: "I don't want to share it with anyone: either it's mine, or nobody's."

Apart from accidental breakdowns, in all situations where the desire to break, spoil, destroy is associated with anger, envy or selfishness, it is based on self-doubt and enmity towards people. It is this conclusion that can suggest to adults the most reliable way to prevent such a reaction, and in some cases even completely “remove” this phenomenon. The most reliable tactic that a psychologist can recommend to parents is the following:

Do not replace the toys broken by the child with new ones, but leave their fragments everywhere so that the consequences of his behavior can be clearly seen;

Give children toys that can be disassembled and reassembled so that they can satisfy their curiosity;

Pick up very strong toys for children that they could not break.

While some of these psychological tips are helpful, they are difficult to relate to the emotional reasons for a child's desire. Therefore, it is better to solve the problem as a whole, and not in particular. The psychologist once again needs to remind parents of the most important thing: the less they do anything, the better. This does not mean that you should do nothing at all. A child may mistake an adult's connivance for tacit approval. Therefore, as a preventive measure, parents should be advised to do the most necessary:

1. Show your displeasure and irritation as gently as possible. If a child wants to break something or even break something in a strange house where adults and children came to visit, you should apologize in front of the child, explain to him why both parents and everyone else do not approve of his act, offer him some other activity, and if necessary, take him home.

2. It would be a mistake to force a child into obedience for the simple reason that such tactics can cause him to break even more. The realization that even the most balanced adults, when they were children, were not always a miracle of virtue, can help to take the right position for an adult.

3. Helping a child to adapt to the environment and to adults will certainly reduce his desire to break and destroy.

4. Being a big part of his life - from a child's point of view, not a parent's - will make him feel loved and desired. The more self-confident the child becomes, the less often he will experience anger, envy, the less egoism will remain in him.

5. It is very useful every time to offer the child to eliminate the debacle he has caused. Most often, refusal follows, but someday the child may respond to the words: "You are already big and strong enough to create a mess, so I'm sure that you will help me clean up." If cleaning is given as a punishment or the child is coerced into helping, it is unlikely to change the disruptive behavior; in the context, there should be an adult's confidence that the "big" boy should be responsible for his own affairs. If the child nevertheless helps to clean up, he, of course, should hear a sincere “thank you” and no reminders - the incident is over for him.

6. If an adult lowers his tone of scolding when a child makes him angry, he will set a good example for him.